I hope this is not considered inappropriate...

robinkay · 08-24-2006, 04:43 AM

I just need to ask. How has your weight loss affected your intimate relationship? I've very self-conscious about my body size and I must have the lights turned off!!!!! That's why I hate daylight savings time---daylight last too long!!! Has anyone noticed a positive change in how you feel about yourself being naked in front of someone else?

Tylar_Connar · 08-24-2006, 06:27 AM

nope. but i did where a bathing suit and shorts this summer. I have noticed a change in dh toward me though...which i think is wrong. cause he has gained weight and not lost but i havent changed toward him.

ahamiam1 · 08-24-2006, 06:40 AM

My DH keeps telling me how beautiful and sexy I am and I catch him looking at me all of the time. He is a lot more affectionate. He was affectionate and loving before but he is moreso now and it does make me uncomfortable b/c I need to get used to it.

Tylar_Connar · 08-24-2006, 06:41 AM

ditto ditto!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ahamiam1

My DH keeps telling me how beautiful and sexy I am and I catch him looking at me all of the time. He is a lot more affectionate. He was affectionate and loving before but he is moreso now and it does make me uncomfortable b/c I need to get used to it.

ahamiam1 · 08-24-2006, 06:55 AM

glad I am not the only one, I am sure that this is a common occurrence for lots of us--men and women. Losing weight is equal parts physical work and mental work...some of the mental work we have to do is getting to know our new selves and it is not easy. Once we are comfortable with our new selves, it will be easier to let those close to us get to know us, too...although that is scary...what if they don't like the new us as much as they liked the old one? AND why is it that we are "better" now than when we were fat, does that mean if we gain 5 lbs ever again that we will be inferior?

Doy ou see how these concerns affect intimacy?

D0ughB0y · 08-24-2006, 06:57 AM

Stamina, sexual appetite, flexability, confidence, sensuality...

Mel78 · 08-24-2006, 07:00 AM

DH has always been loving and complimentary towards me, even at my heaviest... but I realized that I always discounted or contradicted his compliments therefore making myself THINK he didn't think I was sexy or attractive. So, since losing weight I've been trying to STOP turning his compliments into negatives or discounting them... And by accepting what he says and his flirtatous ways, it's been an absolute ego boost as far as sex appeal.

I think since losing the weight we act more like dating teenagers than anything!!! We can't keep our hands off of each other and we're always flirting with each other! So, losing the weight (FOR ME) has reignited the flame for us... And not because HE thinks I'm more sexy this way, but because I am accepting his compliments and allowing myself to FEEL more sexy nowadays...

I totally think it has to do more with ME than anything HE does/did...

JMHO though

EDITED TO ADD: I now get ready NEKKID as to try and MAKE myself realize what I see in the mirror... It sounds weird, but it helps me be more comfortable being nekkid with the lights on... and I've noticed it helps when DH & I are in the light

BTW, he went nearly 2 years w/o seeing me nekkid after DD was born (and I was at my heaviest) because I hated myself that much...

kimlou · 08-24-2006, 07:02 AM

Yeah, I was not as self concious about my body. Fast forward to now... I am still up 9 lbs from my lowest weight. I have remarried and he always has nad does tell me I am beautiful and all those things. But, I can see the 9 lbs and I try not ot be self concious about those, but, it is a struggle.
No matter the weight loss, I stil have saggy abdomen skin, stretch marks, and a couple surgery scars. Those are why I am so self concious.

Hopinfg exercise will take care of some of it.....

Tylar_Connar · 08-24-2006, 07:09 AM

yea, that makes since. And I still do contradict his compliments.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mel78

DH has always been loving and complimentary towards me, even at my heaviest... but I realized that I always discounted or contradicted his compliments therefore making myself THINK he didn't think I was sexy or attractive. So, since losing weight I've been trying to STOP turning his compliments into negatives or discounting them... And by accepting what he says and his flirtatous ways, it's been an absolute ego boost as far as sex appeal.

I think since losing the weight we act more like dating teenagers than anything!!! We can't keep our hands off of each other and we're always flirting with each other! So, losing the weight (FOR ME) has reignited the flame for us... And not because HE thinks I'm more sexy this way, but because I am accepting his compliments and allowing myself to FEEL more sexy nowadays...

I totally think it has to do more with ME than anything HE does/did...

JMHO though

LovelyLadyLumps · 08-24-2006, 07:16 AM

Even though I've only had a small loss so far, I am WAY more comfortable in my skin than before. I feel like my old self, and it has majorly affected my own interest and playfulness in THAT department!!

We are kind of feeling like newlyweds again.... can't wait to see how I feel when I get closer to goal.

And BTW, HE never lost interest or made me feel unattractive when I was at my heaviest

, it was all ME in terms of not feeling good about myself. I don't ever want to go back to that place again...

Gibbs · 08-24-2006, 07:29 AM

Dh hasn't changed, he's still wants it as much as before. It's me that wants it more lately. To be totally honest, I can't seem to get enough.

Gibbs

Purple Sage · 08-24-2006, 07:53 AM

My DH is very happy with me now. I am what he married now, he never lost or gained any weight, 165 and 6 foot tall. When I was heavy it bothered him, more because i lost interest in hiking etc and didn't enjoy life much anymore but also because He felt less attracted to me. At first I felt really defensive about this but then realized that it wasn't fair of me to gain 75 pounds and expect him to be happy about it....that was expecting way to much of him. If he had been able to accept me at the higher weight and be totally happy with me I am not sure if I would have been motivated to lose it.

Don't get me wrong, he wouldn't say I was fat or anything, he would just say things like he wished we still went to the gym together or hiking. Now though he has told me that he was not as attracted to me when I gained weight.

theredhead · 08-24-2006, 07:57 AM

I'm with Mel. My DH has always chased me, but I felt so bad about myself, I tried not to be caught very often. Now, I'm waiting for him! I've always adored him, but I have to admit that after he lost 75 pounds, he's much more attractive to me. So, life is good.

msmoni · 08-24-2006, 08:53 AM

Yes, I feel more sexy and appealing to show myself off.

aussiesarah · 08-24-2006, 08:57 AM

I've never had a problem feeling comfortable naked around my sweetie. He loves me, no matter what.

The better I feel about myself, the more confident I am and the more attractive I feel, which leads to me feeling more sexy.

I'm with D0ughboy on his comments. Things are just more sensual and the added stamina is wonderful

mmam5 · 08-24-2006, 08:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mel78

DH has always been loving and complimentary towards me, even at my heaviest... but I realized that I always discounted or contradicted his compliments therefore making myself THINK he didn't think I was sexy or attractive. So, since losing weight I've been trying to STOP turning his compliments into negatives or discounting them... And by accepting what he says and his flirtatous ways, it's been an absolute ego boost as far as sex appeal.

I think since losing the weight we act more like dating teenagers than anything!!! We can't keep our hands off of each other and we're always flirting with each other! So, losing the weight (FOR ME) has reignited the flame for us... And not because HE thinks I'm more sexy this way, but because I am accepting his compliments and allowing myself to FEEL more sexy nowadays...

I totally think it has to do more with ME than anything HE does/did...

JMHO though

EDITED TO ADD: I now get ready NEKKID as to try and MAKE myself realize what I see in the mirror... It sounds weird, but it helps me be more comfortable being nekkid with the lights on... and I've noticed it helps when DH & I are in the light

BTW, he went nearly 2 years w/o seeing me nekkid after DD was born (and I was at my heaviest) because I hated myself that much...

A huge DITTO here . . . . My DH had told my DM when we were first married and I started gaining... "She's beautiful, I love her for her, not what size she wears!" But I too had to get used to the extra attention with the weight loss, The kids are always groaning when we're hugging (they're preteen) ... Morning's are much more fun now! LOL

DH is really enjoying the fashion shows though!

Mel - you're so beautiful - before AND after!

MOMofMICKEY · 08-24-2006, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by robinkay

I just need to ask. How has your weight loss affected your intimate relationship? I've very self-conscious about my body size and I must have the lights turned off!!!!! That's why I hate daylight savings time---daylight last too long!!! Has anyone noticed a positive change in how you feel about yourself being naked in front of someone else?

What intimate relationship??????
My DH quit being interested in me about 3 weeks after we got married and I was 124 then. In all our marriage he has wanted it maybe 2 or 3 times a year. I finally gave up a few months ago when he told me he "Just doesn't like it and doesn't find it enjoyable". And yet, other men have made passes at me even at my heaviest of 260. I am very self aware of how I look and really wonder what is going to happen when I lose the weight and keep it off.

In 2000 I was 230 pounds and lost 100 and had a flat belly even and he still wanted nothing to do with me physically.

aussiesarah · 08-24-2006, 09:14 AM

MomofMickey, are you sure he isn't batting for the other team? You are smoking!! What gives with this man

Dantesmama · 08-24-2006, 09:19 AM

Mine has always told me I'm beautiful, but now he tells me I look fantastic and is so proud of me for doing this for me. He has always been my greatest support.

We were always in a smokin' relationship in that department, but now it's an inferno

aussiesarah · 08-24-2006, 09:21 AM

I'm right there with you Dante

It's been extra fun because we both have lost such a significant amount, we can MAJORLY tell the difference.

I swear it gets better every time

MOMofMICKEY · 08-24-2006, 09:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aussiesarah

MomofMickey, are you sure he isn't batting for the other team? You are smoking!! What gives with this man

I actually asked him that a few months ago.
First it was "Are you having an affair?" He said "When would I have the time?"
I asked "Are you gay?" He looked at me like I was nuts
I said "Do I disgust you?" and he said "No

Last week I sat him down for a real talk and that is when he said he has no interest and has always found it unenjoyable. So I quit blaming myself. All i know now is he better watch out when I am down to where I want to be cause I am ready to expode.

jem51 · 08-24-2006, 09:32 AM

mom of mickey, i remarried 4 yrs ago and my husband always said he wanted commitment before sex (i shoulda known). we played around alot before so i believed him. after, he said it was too much work! i am still astonished, as i expect a man who claims to love me to want me the minute i walk into the room. i am almost 55 and life is much shorter so we will go our separate ways. there're a couple other reasons attatched but i refuse to give up sex. he is my age and considers himself old! he refused to try viagra, etc. if he had a really good reason and had been honest w me from the start, maybe it would've been different but.....so how can a man who loves you not want you sexually. something is wrong especially for a younger guy. he may need to chang his diet or stop drinking....OR SOMETHIHG!

jem51 · 08-24-2006, 09:34 AM

and about that 'ready to explode'....i've basically been having foreplay for the past four years so, watch out world.

SunaBee · 08-24-2006, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by robinkay

I just need to ask. How has your weight loss affected your intimate relationship? I've very self-conscious about my body size and I must have the lights turned off!!!!! That's why I hate daylight savings time---daylight last too long!!! Has anyone noticed a positive change in how you feel about yourself being naked in front of someone else?

I'm a LOT more confident in the bedroom.

Confidence and sensuality are the best cosmetics..

Someone mentioned appetite?... Uhmmm, yeahhhhh... Insatiable...

SunaBee · 08-24-2006, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dantesmama

Mine has always told me I'm beautiful, but now he tells me I look fantastic and is so proud of me for doing this for me. He has always been my greatest support.

We were always in a smokin' relationship in that department, but now it's an inferno

Ditto.

JUNEBUG2 · 08-24-2006, 10:09 AM

Hey Robin, Was in Memphis last week having drinks with friends in piano bar at the Peabody.
In answer to your question. We have never had a problem. DH says I"m same gal he married(23 inch waist) ya right, just a bit more. Sex has always been good ,so has our marriage of 42 years. I have never felt self conscious with him in any way, but then he knew me at my best. I think maybe I will feel differently when the skin starts hanging all over the place. Its the one thing I am truly worried about.

Charski · 08-24-2006, 10:12 AM

My DH has always told me I'm sexy and have a great bod, no matter WHAT weight I've been, and I have always had a very healthy dose of self-confidence so it hasn't changed significantly, and additionally I'm going through the perimenopause phase (with no problems so far! fingers crossed) so my "appetite" in that department tends to be different from month to month - but I do feel like I have more stamina and I like the way I look more now for sure!

Char

08-24-2006, 04:43 AM	#1
robinkay Senior LCF Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 156 Gallery: robinkay Stats: 238/238/150 WOE: Low Carb/Kimkins Start Date: Jan 08	I hope this is not considered inappropriate... I just need to ask. How has your weight loss affected your intimate relationship? I've very self-conscious about my body size and I must have the lights turned off!!!!! That's why I hate daylight savings time---daylight last too long!!! Has anyone noticed a positive change in how you feel about yourself being naked in front of someone else?

08-24-2006, 06:55 AM	#5
ahamiam1 Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: There's no place like home!!! Posts: 3,913 Gallery: ahamiam1 Stats: 176/168/125/healthy and happy ht- 4'9.5" WOE: Dude, chillin' on the Beach! Start Date: May 2006/ Beach June 15, 2008	glad I am not the only one, I am sure that this is a common occurrence for lots of us--men and women. Losing weight is equal parts physical work and mental work...some of the mental work we have to do is getting to know our new selves and it is not easy. Once we are comfortable with our new selves, it will be easier to let those close to us get to know us, too...although that is scary...what if they don't like the new us as much as they liked the old one? AND why is it that we are "better" now than when we were fat, does that mean if we gain 5 lbs ever again that we will be inferior? Doy ou see how these concerns affect intimacy? __________________ *Ange* "It is awfully hard to be b-b-brave," said Piglet, "when you are only a Very Small Animal." www.myspace.com/nightmareb4kansas Last edited by ahamiam1 : 08-24-2006 at 06:58 AM.

08-24-2006, 07:00 AM	#7
Mel78 Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 9,137 Gallery: Mel78	DH has always been loving and complimentary towards me, even at my heaviest... but I realized that I always discounted or contradicted his compliments therefore making myself THINK he didn't think I was sexy or attractive. So, since losing weight I've been trying to STOP turning his compliments into negatives or discounting them... And by accepting what he says and his flirtatous ways, it's been an absolute ego boost as far as sex appeal. I think since losing the weight we act more like dating teenagers than anything!!! We can't keep our hands off of each other and we're always flirting with each other! So, losing the weight (FOR ME) has reignited the flame for us... And not because HE thinks I'm more sexy this way, but because I am accepting his compliments and allowing myself to FEEL more sexy nowadays... I totally think it has to do more with ME than anything HE does/did... JMHO though EDITED TO ADD: I now get ready NEKKID as to try and MAKE myself realize what I see in the mirror... It sounds weird, but it helps me be more comfortable being nekkid with the lights on... and I've noticed it helps when DH & I are in the light BTW, he went nearly 2 years w/o seeing me nekkid after DD was born (and I was at my heaviest) because I hated myself that much... __________________ Mel MMFM- September Challenge (Starter Thread Link) "IF YOU FAIL TO PLAN, YOU PLAN TO FAIL" **~~~~~~~~~~~~~** Last edited by Mel78 : 08-24-2006 at 07:10 AM.

08-24-2006, 07:53 AM	#12
Purple Sage Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Colorado Springs, CO Posts: 6,453 Gallery: Purple Sage Stats: 256/148/150 exercising now: 6-08, 159 WOE: Random, watcing calories and exercise Start Date: January 1, 2005	My DH is very happy with me now. I am what he married now, he never lost or gained any weight, 165 and 6 foot tall. When I was heavy it bothered him, more because i lost interest in hiking etc and didn't enjoy life much anymore but also because He felt less attracted to me. At first I felt really defensive about this but then realized that it wasn't fair of me to gain 75 pounds and expect him to be happy about it....that was expecting way to much of him. If he had been able to accept me at the higher weight and be totally happy with me I am not sure if I would have been motivated to lose it. Don't get me wrong, he wouldn't say I was fat or anything, he would just say things like he wished we still went to the gym together or hiking. Now though he has told me that he was not as attracted to me when I gained weight. __________________ Christa insert creative signature here

08-24-2006, 10:09 AM	#26
JUNEBUG2 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 1,393 Gallery: JUNEBUG2 Stats: 338/271/180--tight28w/22/20ww/16 5'8" WOE: atkins Start Date: april 24, 2006--new beginning july 11, 2007	Hey Robin, Was in Memphis last week having drinks with friends in piano bar at the Peabody. In answer to your question. We have never had a problem. DH says I"m same gal he married(23 inch waist) ya right, just a bit more. Sex has always been good ,so has our marriage of 42 years. I have never felt self conscious with him in any way, but then he knew me at my best. I think maybe I will feel differently when the skin starts hanging all over the place. Its the one thing I am truly worried about. __________________ 4/26 /2006 338 11/10/2006 280 12/18/2006 265 new beginning* 7/11/07301.12/12/07 265.01/01/08 274. another beginning 7/16 282 7/24 290 8/03 2858/10275, 8/18 2728/25271 9/8 2739/15270 9/22 276 9/27 272 10/06 27110/13 276 June

08-24-2006, 06:27 AM	#2
Tylar_Connar Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 12,435 Gallery: Tylar_Connar Stats: 198177150 WOE: 27 lbs to go for now Start Date: 10/14/06-165, 11/23/07 180	nope. but i did where a bathing suit and shorts this summer. I have noticed a change in dh toward me though...which i think is wrong. cause he has gained weight and not lost but i havent changed toward him.

08-24-2006, 06:40 AM	#3
ahamiam1 Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: There's no place like home!!! Posts: 3,913 Gallery: ahamiam1 Stats: 176/168/125/healthy and happy ht- 4'9.5" WOE: Dude, chillin' on the Beach! Start Date: May 2006/ Beach June 15, 2008	My DH keeps telling me how beautiful and sexy I am and I catch him looking at me all of the time. He is a lot more affectionate. He was affectionate and loving before but he is moreso now and it does make me uncomfortable b/c I need to get used to it.

08-24-2006, 06:57 AM	#6
D0ughB0y Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Jersey Shore Posts: 14,491 Gallery: D0ughB0y WOE: low carb -DoughKins	Stamina, sexual appetite, flexability, confidence, sensuality...

08-24-2006, 07:02 AM	#8
kimlou MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: May 2004 Location: Kentucky Posts: 1,614 Gallery: kimlou Stats: 186/147/135 OR LOWER WOE: LC/Low Cal Start Date: February 2004/REINTRO 10/05	Yeah, I was not as self concious about my body. Fast forward to now... I am still up 9 lbs from my lowest weight. I have remarried and he always has nad does tell me I am beautiful and all those things. But, I can see the 9 lbs and I try not ot be self concious about those, but, it is a struggle. No matter the weight loss, I stil have saggy abdomen skin, stretch marks, and a couple surgery scars. Those are why I am so self concious. Hopinfg exercise will take care of some of it.....

08-24-2006, 07:16 AM	#10
LovelyLadyLumps Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 175 Gallery: LovelyLadyLumps Stats: 170/146/130 5'4" 40 yrs WOE: Atkins - somewhat lean	Even though I've only had a small loss so far, I am WAY more comfortable in my skin than before. I feel like my old self, and it has majorly affected my own interest and playfulness in THAT department!! We are kind of feeling like newlyweds again.... can't wait to see how I feel when I get closer to goal. And BTW, HE never lost interest or made me feel unattractive when I was at my heaviest , it was all ME in terms of not feeling good about myself. I don't ever want to go back to that place again...

08-24-2006, 07:29 AM	#11
Gibbs Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: east central Indiana Posts: 234 Gallery: Gibbs WOE: My own low-carb way Start Date: Re-start Oct '08	Dh hasn't changed, he's still wants it as much as before. It's me that wants it more lately. To be totally honest, I can't seem to get enough. Gibbs

08-24-2006, 07:57 AM	#13
theredhead MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Fort Worth, TX Posts: 1,127 Gallery: theredhead Stats: 219/189/139 WOE: Atkins/CALP Start Date: 09/04/03	I'm with Mel. My DH has always chased me, but I felt so bad about myself, I tried not to be caught very often. Now, I'm waiting for him! I've always adored him, but I have to admit that after he lost 75 pounds, he's much more attractive to me. So, life is good.

08-24-2006, 08:53 AM	#14
msmoni MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: MI Posts: 2,344 Gallery: msmoni Stats: 169 WOE: abs diet ~high fiber and good carbs Start Date: 3/1/07	Yes, I feel more sexy and appealing to show myself off.

08-24-2006, 08:57 AM	#15
aussiesarah MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: May 2006 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 1,624 Gallery: aussiesarah Stats: Back from my pregnancy! 107/101/75kg WOE: Healthy Start Date: May 11, 2006	I've never had a problem feeling comfortable naked around my sweetie. He loves me, no matter what. The better I feel about myself, the more confident I am and the more attractive I feel, which leads to me feeling more sexy. I'm with D0ughboy on his comments. Things are just more sensual and the added stamina is wonderful

08-24-2006, 09:14 AM	#18
aussiesarah MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: May 2006 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 1,624 Gallery: aussiesarah Stats: Back from my pregnancy! 107/101/75kg WOE: Healthy Start Date: May 11, 2006	MomofMickey, are you sure he isn't batting for the other team? You are smoking!! What gives with this man

08-24-2006, 09:19 AM	#19
Dantesmama Senior LCF Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: USA Posts: 530 Gallery: Dantesmama Stats: 252/236/130 WOE: Atkins Start Date: April 2006	Mine has always told me I'm beautiful, but now he tells me I look fantastic and is so proud of me for doing this for me. He has always been my greatest support. We were always in a smokin' relationship in that department, but now it's an inferno

08-24-2006, 09:21 AM	#20
aussiesarah MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: May 2006 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 1,624 Gallery: aussiesarah Stats: Back from my pregnancy! 107/101/75kg WOE: Healthy Start Date: May 11, 2006	I'm right there with you Dante It's been extra fun because we both have lost such a significant amount, we can MAJORLY tell the difference. I swear it gets better every time

08-24-2006, 09:32 AM	#22
jem51 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: south central OR Posts: 1,646 Gallery: jem51 Stats: oh so happy at 120 WOE: EFGT Start Date: controlled carb '97-98	mom of mickey, i remarried 4 yrs ago and my husband always said he wanted commitment before sex (i shoulda known). we played around alot before so i believed him. after, he said it was too much work! i am still astonished, as i expect a man who claims to love me to want me the minute i walk into the room. i am almost 55 and life is much shorter so we will go our separate ways. there're a couple other reasons attatched but i refuse to give up sex. he is my age and considers himself old! he refused to try viagra, etc. if he had a really good reason and had been honest w me from the start, maybe it would've been different but.....so how can a man who loves you not want you sexually. something is wrong especially for a younger guy. he may need to chang his diet or stop drinking....OR SOMETHIHG!

08-24-2006, 09:34 AM	#23
jem51 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: south central OR Posts: 1,646 Gallery: jem51 Stats: oh so happy at 120 WOE: EFGT Start Date: controlled carb '97-98	and about that 'ready to explode'....i've basically been having foreplay for the past four years so, watch out world.

08-24-2006, 10:12 AM	#27
Charski Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Central Coastal CA Posts: 10,319 Gallery: Charski Stats: 174 (WW)/130/150 goal 5'5" 54 years young WOE: ATKINS! now and always.... Start Date: 5/03	My DH has always told me I'm sexy and have a great bod, no matter WHAT weight I've been, and I have always had a very healthy dose of self-confidence so it hasn't changed significantly, and additionally I'm going through the perimenopause phase (with no problems so far! fingers crossed) so my "appetite" in that department tends to be different from month to month - but I do feel like I have more stamina and I like the way I look more now for sure! Char