My friend Barbara

Desertthorn · 10-04-2009, 03:55 PM

Her name was Barbara and she was my favorite co-worker. We were even friends, we'd have lunch together at least a few times a year and since our jobs took us both in different directions around the world, that was saying something.
Barbara was heavy, not morbidly obese, but like me, too fat for her health.
She was married to wonderful guy, she had a great son and her extended family was awesome. They had annual reunions, they went on cruises together, and she was so happy because she was about to retire. I saw her right before she had the surgery and she just knew that this was RIGHT for her.
Well, you know the end of this story, after the surgery, she did fine, and on Thursday she went to see her Doctor who clear her to go back to work on Monday. Friday night she died, quietly, in her sleep and maybe even happily dreaming of her new thin self.
There are risks, folks do die with this surgery and I know many, many more live
than die and they do lose weight. Even crying for my friend Barbara, I would consider the surgery IF I knew in my heart that I had tried everything else and had given diet and exercise my best efforts. I haven't, I will cheat if a cookie finds its way into view, I will pick going to a movie rather than a walk thru the zoo, and my heart tells me that while the surgery might work for a short time, my same old mentality is still there, and until I change that, I am not a good candidate for any weight loss surgery

gharkness · 10-04-2009, 05:09 PM

I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.

But, I have to ask: do you know she died as a result of this surgery? Many people are so obese (not saying she was) that they are already at the brink of death - and may not know it - when they have the surgery.

I think for many it comes to the point of: do I really want to keep on living if I am unable to get this weight off any other way? Everybody gets to answer in their own way. It's my opinion that until you are convinced that nothing else will do, you shouldn't have the surgery. Then, once you are convinced, nothing can keep you away from it.

Again, I am sorry. I know you will miss your dear friend.

ValR · 10-05-2009, 05:15 AM

I'm sorry about the unexpected loss of your friend.

Moons_Mom · 10-05-2009, 09:25 AM

First and most important - I am sorry for your friend and her family.

But I am always concerned when I see posts like this that people will let fear cloud logic and good judgement.

Firstly: I don't know one person who has had WLS that hasn't tried every diet out there a million times. Nobody jumps through the hoops of insurance for WLS without doing so (in fact, it's required by every insurance company I've ever heard of). Nobody who is self-pay is willing to throw out $20,000+ without having tried to lose weight the traditional way either.

Second: The statistics for lasting weight loss without surgery are a nightmare. Yes, some people succeed and make it work, but most don't. The heavier you are - the worse the statistics get. To be considered for WLS - you usually have to be morbidly obese (or at least well on your way to that). Given that - your percentage of success with diet and exercise is a miracle really.

Third: Yes, some people die from this surgery. And many many more die from obesity related illnesses.

Fourth: Some success is better than no success. Even if you have had WLS and are still struggling with your food demons you will likely lose weight. With every pound you lose (even if you're still overweight) you reduce your risk of co-morbidities. Better to be still somewhat fat - than really fat.

Research is key. This is not a surgery to take lightly - but you know, I've yet meet a person who did take this surgery lightly.

Susan

gharkness · 10-05-2009, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moons_Mom

<Much good stuff snipped>
Fourth: Some success is better than no success. Even if you have had WLS and are still struggling with your food demons you will likely lose weight. With every pound you lose (even if you're still overweight) you reduce your risk of co-morbidities. Better to be still somewhat fat - than really fat.

Research is key. This is not a surgery to take lightly - but you know, I've yet meet a person who did take this surgery lightly.

Susan

What an excellent answer! Kudos!

amidala64 · 10-06-2009, 08:13 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. When we read/hear about the risks of any of these surgeries we tend to think it can't happen to us. We're so desperate for help that we'll take the gamble. I did it three times.

I hear you when it comes to making choices and being stuck in our pre-op mindset. We do have to change our minds if we want our bodies to change. I also think we need to take care of the underlying physical causes for our obesity.
Food issues are emotional, mental but they're also physical.
Food addiction is not just a psychological disorder.
We need to attend to our bodies to nourish them back to health or our weight loss will either be temporary or lead to other consequences.

Don't be too hard on yourself.
Be KIND to yourself.
You deserve to be taken care of by you!!

melsreturn · 10-20-2009, 06:32 AM

I am so sorry to hear about Barbara. A friend of mine on another forum lost his best friend after wls. He too had hoped for a better, healthier life and his death was obesity related. It was a big blow to him, and actually all of us because of our bonds with him.

BarbDe · 10-20-2009, 06:36 AM

Lynne

Sorry for your loss.

10-04-2009, 03:55 PM	#1
Desertthorn Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 186 Gallery: Desertthorn	My friend Barbara Her name was Barbara and she was my favorite co-worker. We were even friends, we'd have lunch together at least a few times a year and since our jobs took us both in different directions around the world, that was saying something. Barbara was heavy, not morbidly obese, but like me, too fat for her health. She was married to wonderful guy, she had a great son and her extended family was awesome. They had annual reunions, they went on cruises together, and she was so happy because she was about to retire. I saw her right before she had the surgery and she just knew that this was RIGHT for her. Well, you know the end of this story, after the surgery, she did fine, and on Thursday she went to see her Doctor who clear her to go back to work on Monday. Friday night she died, quietly, in her sleep and maybe even happily dreaming of her new thin self. There are risks, folks do die with this surgery and I know many, many more live than die and they do lose weight. Even crying for my friend Barbara, I would consider the surgery IF I knew in my heart that I had tried everything else and had given diet and exercise my best efforts. I haven't, I will cheat if a cookie finds its way into view, I will pick going to a movie rather than a walk thru the zoo, and my heart tells me that while the surgery might work for a short time, my same old mentality is still there, and until I change that, I am not a good candidate for any weight loss surgery __________________ The map includes the states we have visited in our new RV since we retired. 270240190

10-04-2009, 05:09 PM	#2
gharkness Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Plano, TX Posts: 811 Gallery: gharkness WOE: RNY Gastric Bypass 02-02-2007	I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. But, I have to ask: do you know she died as a result of this surgery? Many people are so obese (not saying she was) that they are already at the brink of death - and may not know it - when they have the surgery. I think for many it comes to the point of: do I really want to keep on living if I am unable to get this weight off any other way? Everybody gets to answer in their own way. It's my opinion that until you are convinced that nothing else will do, you shouldn't have the surgery. Then, once you are convinced, nothing can keep you away from it. Again, I am sorry. I know you will miss your dear friend. __________________ Georgene Harkness RNY Gastric Bypass New Birthday: February 2, 2007 http://www.suzyqshop.com/fAMILY/BE_1year.jpg

10-05-2009, 09:25 AM	#4
Moons_Mom Senior LCF Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: British Columbia - Canada Posts: 654 Gallery: Moons_Mom Stats: 410/326/150 WOE: Atkins Start Date: March 2007	Statistics are against diet and exercise First and most important - I am sorry for your friend and her family. But I am always concerned when I see posts like this that people will let fear cloud logic and good judgement. Firstly: I don't know one person who has had WLS that hasn't tried every diet out there a million times. Nobody jumps through the hoops of insurance for WLS without doing so (in fact, it's required by every insurance company I've ever heard of). Nobody who is self-pay is willing to throw out $20,000+ without having tried to lose weight the traditional way either. Second: The statistics for lasting weight loss without surgery are a nightmare. Yes, some people succeed and make it work, but most don't. The heavier you are - the worse the statistics get. To be considered for WLS - you usually have to be morbidly obese (or at least well on your way to that). Given that - your percentage of success with diet and exercise is a miracle really. Third: Yes, some people die from this surgery. And many many more die from obesity related illnesses. Fourth: Some success is better than no success. Even if you have had WLS and are still struggling with your food demons you will likely lose weight. With every pound you lose (even if you're still overweight) you reduce your risk of co-morbidities. Better to be still somewhat fat - than really fat. Research is key. This is not a surgery to take lightly - but you know, I've yet meet a person who did take this surgery lightly. Susan

10-06-2009, 08:13 PM	#6
amidala64 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Clifton, NJ Posts: 46 Gallery: amidala64 Stats: 420/270/137 WOE: RNY '06/Weston A. Price Start Date: January 2009	I am so sorry for your loss. When we read/hear about the risks of any of these surgeries we tend to think it can't happen to us. We're so desperate for help that we'll take the gamble. I did it three times. I hear you when it comes to making choices and being stuck in our pre-op mindset. We do have to change our minds if we want our bodies to change. I also think we need to take care of the underlying physical causes for our obesity. Food issues are emotional, mental but they're also physical. Food addiction is not just a psychological disorder. We need to attend to our bodies to nourish them back to health or our weight loss will either be temporary or lead to other consequences. Don't be too hard on yourself. Be KIND to yourself. You deserve to be taken care of by you!! __________________ ********************* RNY Gastric Bypass Aug 2006 My daily blog: TheSkinnyOnline.blogspot.com Twitter: amidala64 Facebook**: Lisa Sargese "If we move the dirt out of the way to save the seed from having to struggle up through the dirt, it won't grow. Better to struggle and grow, yes?" - me

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10-05-2009, 05:15 AM	#3
ValR Senior LCF Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Iowa Posts: 635 Gallery: ValR Stats: 153/142/140	I'm sorry about the unexpected loss of your friend.

10-20-2009, 06:32 AM	#7
melsreturn Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Nashville, TN Posts: 170 Gallery: melsreturn Stats: 251/129/130 WOE: Moderate Carbs/Low Calorie Start Date: May 2006	I am so sorry to hear about Barbara. A friend of mine on another forum lost his best friend after wls. He too had hoped for a better, healthier life and his death was obesity related. It was a big blow to him, and actually all of us because of our bonds with him.

10-20-2009, 06:36 AM	#8
BarbDe Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: SE Florida Posts: 5,320 Gallery: BarbDe Stats: Quit smoking 11/4/07; 16/14/10 WOE: Low carb Start Date: August 2004	Lynne Sorry for your loss.