so mad I could spit

wanttobethinagain · 09-03-2009, 08:24 AM

I am so mad I could Spit.

I consider my self a nice person a giving person. I am not saying I do not have my faults but I try to do unto others as I would have them do unto me. Now I love my family and I will defend them if I see they are getting hurt or stomped on but I have HAD IT WITH MY SISTER!!!!!

My sister is 11 years older then me, her and my mom are almost like two peas in a pod and my dad and are the same. We are both adopted children and we could not be more different. When I was younger we were pretty close but now she would not know if I dropped dead! She feels she is perfect and I am white trash. I do not have the money she has or the clothes or the cars but I do have a loving husband and others who care for me. She only calls me when she wants something or needs me to do something for her but if I need her I am not alive. Just recently she called me because she needed me to take care of my Nephew while her and my brother in law and Niece go to dance camp. I said yes because I love him and wanted to spend time with him. She was all nice to me because I helped her but I have not heard from her since. I never know anything that happens to her or the kids unless they tell me. I think she goes around pretending I do not exist. I DO EXIST!!! I AM APART OF THIS FAMILY THEY ARE MY PARENTS TOO!!! So now this was the last straw today is my moms birthday and I said were we going to do anything tonight or this weekend my mom says oh Nancy took us out last night. I said what oh yea it was a last minute thing (LAST MINUTE THING MY FAT BUTT) my mom goes I thought she would have called you well she did not. She has become a pain in my heart. I just do not know what to do anymore I keep trying and she pushes me farther away. I am at the end of my rope. I told her just recently that one day our parents will be gone and it will be me and her and we should try to get along and love each other never got a response. I am always nice to her I always do for her. I show her and her kids respect I have said I am sorry so many times for all my short comings and mistakes I have made in the past. She has made mistakes but I have never called her on it I do not tell everyone her dirty laundry like she does mine. I feel lost in this and very sad in this. I think at times I need to just do stuff with my parents separately but I do not want to do that because we are a family. The sad thing is if some of the people knew her really knew her they would be surprised. She works for a christen organization but I do not think she is following God because this is not how God would want us to treat each other. I still will pray for her and me but I do not want to be near her I just get hurt and I can only get hurt so much.

Thanks for listening

andipand · 09-03-2009, 08:44 AM

I'm sorry to hear this. I have issues similar to that which I cannot get into but I do understand. I can encourage you that you are not alone. The best thing you can do is to be happy, and to keep loving on her. Something has separated her from God because if you are walking in Christ you don't treat anyone like that, especially family. If you keep loving her, you may have an impact on her heart.

Good Luck.

bonnielougreen · 09-03-2009, 09:18 AM

Im sorry you are going thru this,, it has happened and still happens in our family,, I just started doing stuff on my own and not including the hateful ones,, that way there was no stress and the family got to have two celebrations,,

LoCarbLita · 09-03-2009, 01:25 PM

I feel your pain, minus the adoption thing. I have the same amount of distance between myself, and my sister. As she has 4 kids, and is self-centered as halle. She's also been a drug addict all of her life. After a major DUI, and her kids were taken away from her for a whole year. My parents ended up raising them. If she is there, I never want to be. She now lives by them, and I feel like I am no longer part of the family.

I have learned flaky, people like that aren't worth having in my life. Que sera, sera. : /

pattysparkle · 09-03-2009, 07:35 PM

Every family has a story, I have a similar problem......also I won't go into it, but believe me you are not alone.

We feel your pain, but she is being a miserable human being, we are here for you to vent.

Patty

miboje · 09-09-2009, 06:31 AM

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I do understand, but my situation is a little reversed. I realize it is not healthy for me to even be around my family. I have sort of rejected all but one, and even that one I can only tolerate so much of due to his incessant negativity.

It is well that you realize it is not healthy for you to pursue someone that treats you badly. For that, you can give yourself a pat on the back!

metqa · 09-09-2009, 07:06 AM

At some point in your life you are gonna have to just drop her from your care list. If it is hurting you so much then she needs to be put on the aquaintance list.

I'm having the same kind of issue with my family, My Mother and My sister act like I don't exist till they want something. I hardly ever see my nieces, nobody calls, emails, writes, facebooks, forwards addresses, or even tells me their new phone numbers. At family events it's like I'm not even there, or they make fun of me if I try to interact at all. Only my sweet nephew is making an effort to contact me now that he's on his own at college. I've decided not to initiate contact with or respond to my mother anymore cause she just causes me so much heartache and she doesn't have to and she does it knowingly.

You can love your Sister, but it's more important that you love yourself first. If her actions are affecting your ability to love and feel good about yourself, then she is nothing but poison and why would you keep taking something that makes you feel sick?

That may sound hard hearted, but It's true. I've had a lot of heartaches and one way to get over it is to get over the fact that you can't change them, and let them be.

I've read books on codependency, psycyhology, mood disorders, broken families, and sometimes the only thing you can do is to shoot the dog.

In fact I'm reading a book by Karen Pryor called "Don't shoot the dog" . It's about behavior in animals and people and through it I'm learning about all the different ways I've tried to interact with my family members and why it didn't work. Unfortunatly before I could change my contribution to the interactions I had to remove myself from my mothers house (shoot the dog) before I said or did something I'd regret and I havent' spoken to her since, and it's like a great clamp has been released from my heart at the same time that a heaviness has been added. I love her but I don't love the way she makes me feel. the way to avoid that feeling is to avoid her.

Stop Pushing! If your sister wanted to be closer to you, she can do it. By begging her, you are saying that you are always there no matter what she does to you. Step back and take a breath and think is that what you really want? to be her emotional slave?

Now it might happen that she notices your avoidance, then if She tries to interact with you, It's your responsibility to keep control of that and not let her abuse you. You could ignore the things she does that bother you and only respond when she does things that you like. Only do things for her if she offers to do something in return. If their is no offer, then discover that you are busy. She'll learn that she must give to receive. This is not to say you should be mean or evil, just set your boundaries with her and let her know them. She can choose to cross over if she wants, and if she doesn't then accept that she doesn't want that kind of relationship, and move on.

I hope I don't sound harsh or mean, but I am so going through the same thing, and I finally got angry at how much I was letting myself be hurt. No one should feel like that because of family. I'm sure God would want you to love your sister as you would love yourself, but if she is taking the love you are giving and trashing it, it sounds like she doesn't deserve that love, so bring it back home and give it to yourself.

they say that when telling about problems, guys want suggestions and girls just want someone to listen, but I felt compelled to give suggestion, I hope it helps.

Moons_Mom · 09-09-2009, 08:30 PM

It's the hardest thing in the world to do with family.

I know personally the least "expectations" I have of my family the easier my life is.

It sucks, it's not fair, you don't deserve it. But the good news is you get to decide your level of hurt and damage.

Love your way through this and pray if it helps.

Susie

wanttobethinagain · 09-10-2009, 09:30 AM

I want to thank everybody for the wonderful words and the shared stories. It means a lot to me. Thank you for the bottom of my heart.

bonnielougreen · 09-11-2009, 09:31 AM

We all have our demons we have to face and a lot of times it is family members that can really trip our triggers,, it is so hard for me not to eat when someone disrespects me or criticizes me,, it is a "go eat, it will make you feel better" moment,, we are sometimes more fragile than others,, and sometimes I have to ask God to love the person cause I sure cant,,
Bonnie

09-03-2009, 08:24 AM	#1
wanttobethinagain Senior LCF Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Texas Posts: 242 Blog Entries: 3 Gallery: wanttobethinagain Stats: 285/267/125 WOE: Atkins	so mad I could spit I am so mad I could Spit. I consider my self a nice person a giving person. I am not saying I do not have my faults but I try to do unto others as I would have them do unto me. Now I love my family and I will defend them if I see they are getting hurt or stomped on but I have HAD IT WITH MY SISTER!!!!! My sister is 11 years older then me, her and my mom are almost like two peas in a pod and my dad and are the same. We are both adopted children and we could not be more different. When I was younger we were pretty close but now she would not know if I dropped dead! She feels she is perfect and I am white trash. I do not have the money she has or the clothes or the cars but I do have a loving husband and others who care for me. She only calls me when she wants something or needs me to do something for her but if I need her I am not alive. Just recently she called me because she needed me to take care of my Nephew while her and my brother in law and Niece go to dance camp. I said yes because I love him and wanted to spend time with him. She was all nice to me because I helped her but I have not heard from her since. I never know anything that happens to her or the kids unless they tell me. I think she goes around pretending I do not exist. I DO EXIST!!! I AM APART OF THIS FAMILY THEY ARE MY PARENTS TOO!!! So now this was the last straw today is my moms birthday and I said were we going to do anything tonight or this weekend my mom says oh Nancy took us out last night. I said what oh yea it was a last minute thing (LAST MINUTE THING MY FAT BUTT) my mom goes I thought she would have called you well she did not. She has become a pain in my heart. I just do not know what to do anymore I keep trying and she pushes me farther away. I am at the end of my rope. I told her just recently that one day our parents will be gone and it will be me and her and we should try to get along and love each other never got a response. I am always nice to her I always do for her. I show her and her kids respect I have said I am sorry so many times for all my short comings and mistakes I have made in the past. She has made mistakes but I have never called her on it I do not tell everyone her dirty laundry like she does mine. I feel lost in this and very sad in this. I think at times I need to just do stuff with my parents separately but I do not want to do that because we are a family. The sad thing is if some of the people knew her really knew her they would be surprised. She works for a christen organization but I do not think she is following God because this is not how God would want us to treat each other. I still will pray for her and me but I do not want to be near her I just get hurt and I can only get hurt so much. Thanks for listening __________________ Ronda I can do all things through him that strengths me Live, laugh,Love Facebook: Ronda Kay Kupfernagel Dudley

09-09-2009, 07:06 AM	#7
metqa Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Athens, GA Posts: 5,569 Gallery: metqa WOE: Moderate Carbs/Atkins Start Date: November 2003	At some point in your life you are gonna have to just drop her from your care list. If it is hurting you so much then she needs to be put on the aquaintance list. I'm having the same kind of issue with my family, My Mother and My sister act like I don't exist till they want something. I hardly ever see my nieces, nobody calls, emails, writes, facebooks, forwards addresses, or even tells me their new phone numbers. At family events it's like I'm not even there, or they make fun of me if I try to interact at all. Only my sweet nephew is making an effort to contact me now that he's on his own at college. I've decided not to initiate contact with or respond to my mother anymore cause she just causes me so much heartache and she doesn't have to and she does it knowingly. You can love your Sister, but it's more important that you love yourself first. If her actions are affecting your ability to love and feel good about yourself, then she is nothing but poison and why would you keep taking something that makes you feel sick? That may sound hard hearted, but It's true. I've had a lot of heartaches and one way to get over it is to get over the fact that you can't change them, and let them be. I've read books on codependency, psycyhology, mood disorders, broken families, and sometimes the only thing you can do is to shoot the dog. In fact I'm reading a book by Karen Pryor called "Don't shoot the dog" . It's about behavior in animals and people and through it I'm learning about all the different ways I've tried to interact with my family members and why it didn't work. Unfortunatly before I could change my contribution to the interactions I had to remove myself from my mothers house (shoot the dog) before I said or did something I'd regret and I havent' spoken to her since, and it's like a great clamp has been released from my heart at the same time that a heaviness has been added. I love her but I don't love the way she makes me feel. the way to avoid that feeling is to avoid her. Stop Pushing! If your sister wanted to be closer to you, she can do it. By begging her, you are saying that you are always there no matter what she does to you. Step back and take a breath and think is that what you really want? to be her emotional slave? Now it might happen that she notices your avoidance, then if She tries to interact with you, It's your responsibility to keep control of that and not let her abuse you. You could ignore the things she does that bother you and only respond when she does things that you like. Only do things for her if she offers to do something in return. If their is no offer, then discover that you are busy. She'll learn that she must give to receive. This is not to say you should be mean or evil, just set your boundaries with her and let her know them. She can choose to cross over if she wants, and if she doesn't then accept that she doesn't want that kind of relationship, and move on. I hope I don't sound harsh or mean, but I am so going through the same thing, and I finally got angry at how much I was letting myself be hurt. No one should feel like that because of family. I'm sure God would want you to love your sister as you would love yourself, but if she is taking the love you are giving and trashing it, it sounds like she doesn't deserve that love, so bring it back home and give it to yourself. they say that when telling about problems, guys want suggestions and girls just want someone to listen, but I felt compelled to give suggestion, I hope it helps. __________________ "You have to understand zat ven a vampire forgoes . . .the b-vord, zere is a process zat ve call transference? Zey force Zemselves to desire somesing else? . . .But your friend chose . . . coffee. And now he has none." "You can find him some coffee, or . . .you can keep a vooden stake and a big knife ready. You vould be doink him a favor, believe me." １０年より若い１０時間で　私は8時間　を終わったことがあります。

09-09-2009, 08:30 PM	#8
Moons_Mom Senior LCF Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: British Columbia - Canada Posts: 654 Gallery: Moons_Mom Stats: 410/326/150 WOE: Atkins Start Date: March 2007	Choose not to be hurt It's the hardest thing in the world to do with family. I know personally the least "expectations" I have of my family the easier my life is. It sucks, it's not fair, you don't deserve it. But the good news is you get to decide your level of hurt and damage. Love your way through this and pray if it helps. Susie

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09-03-2009, 08:44 AM	#2
andipand Senior LCF Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: UA Posts: 320 Gallery: andipand Stats: 284/265/105 - 2009 version WOE: Low Carb Start Date: 07/28/2009	I'm sorry to hear this. I have issues similar to that which I cannot get into but I do understand. I can encourage you that you are not alone. The best thing you can do is to be happy, and to keep loving on her. Something has separated her from God because if you are walking in Christ you don't treat anyone like that, especially family. If you keep loving her, you may have an impact on her heart. Good Luck.

09-03-2009, 09:18 AM	#3
bonnielougreen MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Iowa Posts: 1,084 Gallery: bonnielougreen Stats: 375/225/200 WOE: wls/low carb Start Date: Jan 19,09	Im sorry you are going thru this,, it has happened and still happens in our family,, I just started doing stuff on my own and not including the hateful ones,, that way there was no stress and the family got to have two celebrations,,

09-03-2009, 01:25 PM	#4
LoCarbLita Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Midwest USA Posts: 150 Gallery: LoCarbLita Stats: Private/Private/120 WOE: Atkins 10+ years strong!	I feel your pain, minus the adoption thing. I have the same amount of distance between myself, and my sister. As she has 4 kids, and is self-centered as halle. She's also been a drug addict all of her life. After a major DUI, and her kids were taken away from her for a whole year. My parents ended up raising them. If she is there, I never want to be. She now lives by them, and I feel like I am no longer part of the family. I have learned flaky, people like that aren't worth having in my life. Que sera, sera. : /

09-03-2009, 07:35 PM	#5
pattysparkle Drama Queen Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: 3-2-1......Blastoff !!! Posts: 3,343 Gallery: pattysparkle Stats: 425 estimate/375/ "281" / 140 WOE: Low Carb, RNY 3/11/09 90gm Protein Daily/ Bariatri Start Date: January 2002-Atkins/ June 2006-Low Carb 2007-8	Every family has a story, I have a similar problem......also I won't go into it, but believe me you are not alone. We feel your pain, but she is being a miserable human being, we are here for you to vent. Patty

09-09-2009, 06:31 AM	#6
miboje Senior LCF Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Central PA Posts: 163 Gallery: miboje Stats: 147/134.1/133 WOE: Stella Style Start Date: Feb. 2009	I'm sorry you have to go through this. I do understand, but my situation is a little reversed. I realize it is not healthy for me to even be around my family. I have sort of rejected all but one, and even that one I can only tolerate so much of due to his incessant negativity. It is well that you realize it is not healthy for you to pursue someone that treats you badly. For that, you can give yourself a pat on the back!

09-10-2009, 09:30 AM	#9
wanttobethinagain Senior LCF Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Texas Posts: 242 Blog Entries: 3 Gallery: wanttobethinagain Stats: 285/267/125 WOE: Atkins	I want to thank everybody for the wonderful words and the shared stories. It means a lot to me. Thank you for the bottom of my heart.

09-11-2009, 09:31 AM	#10
bonnielougreen MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Iowa Posts: 1,084 Gallery: bonnielougreen Stats: 375/225/200 WOE: wls/low carb Start Date: Jan 19,09	We all have our demons we have to face and a lot of times it is family members that can really trip our triggers,, it is so hard for me not to eat when someone disrespects me or criticizes me,, it is a "go eat, it will make you feel better" moment,, we are sometimes more fragile than others,, and sometimes I have to ask God to love the person cause I sure cant,, Bonnie