WAKE UP CALL

wanttobethinagain · 08-26-2009, 09:40 AM

Major Wake Up Call

As I sat waiting to have my eco cardio gram and stress test it hit OMG I have hit rock bottom!!! Here I am having to have someone look at my heart because I have abused myself so bad that now I have to have a stress test and eco cardio gram so I can have surgery to get rid of all of this weight!!! As I sat there trying to read my book so I can get my mind off of this, they kept bringing elderly people in there and it made me feel even worse. I said to myself I do not want to be here now at my age. I should be at the gym or enjoying life not here praying they do not find anything. There I was signing a waiver to say I am not pregnant since they messed up on where to send me to take that test., having to say that my husband and I have not been intimate because it is frustrating for both of us so we but that on the back burner. That was so embarrassing!!!!

After the cardiologist I had one more appointment that was with the sleep Dr. another humbling moment. They handed me the results of my sleep study while I waited for the Dr and as I read it my heart stopped. It says that in one night I stopped breathing 100 times. OMG that is a lot! I felt sorry for the guy that was showing me the machine I will have to use he was trying to be upbeat but I was so in a state of devastation I could not be all happy. He did ask if I was ok and I let him know I was just in shock! When I was done they sent me to do a breathing test and before I went I went in to the bathroom and cried. I mean really sobbed. I just sat in there and prayed to God that I needed HELP AND I NEEDED IT NOW!!! That even with the surgery I could not do this on my own. I can tell you I do not like that machine. They say I will get used to it and it will be like nothing after awhile we will see.

So here is my thought on all of this. I know that I have passed a mirror and said OMG I need to lose weight but that feeling goes away and I eat more then I see it again and start some diet that never works. This is addiction a bad one. I was telling my husband it is like a drug addict or alcoholic. I know I have eaten and I am not hungry but then 5 minutes later I feel like I have not eaten and need to eat. Now he understands more now. I can not believe that I have wasted most of my adult life eating myself to death and being FAT!!! That now I have to have a machine to help me breath at night and sleep. That my knee hurts so bad I miss out on so many things because I do not want to walk for very long. I never want to pass another mirror and say you need to do something and do it now. I do not want to use this machine for very long and I do not want to be or act older then I am. I WANT TO LIVE!!!! This has been such a wake up call for me! I never want to be back in this place again. I want to help people so they are not in this place. I am thankful for my husband and his supportive ways. I will say as I cried to him last night he said that his fear all along was he was going to lose his wife to death who he loves and the only thing he is scared of after I lose the weight is I will leave him for someone else. I told him first of all I love him to much to hurt him like that and when I said I do it was till death!!
This is a beginning not an End! It will be a long hard road to travel but I can do it with Gods help and the help of family and friends. Online ones as well as the ones off line! I promise to be there for any body that needs an ear or support. I will help them as they might have helps me fight and win this battle!

Violet Skye · 08-26-2009, 09:45 AM

(((Ronda))) You've just written the first page of your success story, and even if you don't have the surgery, you can and will lose the weight and regain your health! You are very motivated, and your DH is very supportive, so it's a matter of *when* you'll lose the weight (and then you can buy some new lingerie

)

girlie500 · 08-26-2009, 02:52 PM

Let me knwo if in anyway i can help u... motivational-wise! Im here for you!

pattysparkle · 08-28-2009, 01:57 AM

.....Ronda,

We are all more alike than you know, you will turn this around and succeed....Love Ya'. We could have all written that post...and have a story....but you have started doing something !!! Don't beat your self up, just press on Thank God for his mercy and BE THANKFUL...your husband sounds like a wonderful man.

Blessings,

Patty

08-26-2009, 09:40 AM	#1
wanttobethinagain Senior LCF Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Texas Posts: 242 Blog Entries: 3 Gallery: wanttobethinagain Stats: 285/267/125 WOE: Atkins	WAKE UP CALL Major Wake Up Call As I sat waiting to have my eco cardio gram and stress test it hit OMG I have hit rock bottom!!! Here I am having to have someone look at my heart because I have abused myself so bad that now I have to have a stress test and eco cardio gram so I can have surgery to get rid of all of this weight!!! As I sat there trying to read my book so I can get my mind off of this, they kept bringing elderly people in there and it made me feel even worse. I said to myself I do not want to be here now at my age. I should be at the gym or enjoying life not here praying they do not find anything. There I was signing a waiver to say I am not pregnant since they messed up on where to send me to take that test., having to say that my husband and I have not been intimate because it is frustrating for both of us so we but that on the back burner. That was so embarrassing!!!! After the cardiologist I had one more appointment that was with the sleep Dr. another humbling moment. They handed me the results of my sleep study while I waited for the Dr and as I read it my heart stopped. It says that in one night I stopped breathing 100 times. OMG that is a lot! I felt sorry for the guy that was showing me the machine I will have to use he was trying to be upbeat but I was so in a state of devastation I could not be all happy. He did ask if I was ok and I let him know I was just in shock! When I was done they sent me to do a breathing test and before I went I went in to the bathroom and cried. I mean really sobbed. I just sat in there and prayed to God that I needed HELP AND I NEEDED IT NOW!!! That even with the surgery I could not do this on my own. I can tell you I do not like that machine. They say I will get used to it and it will be like nothing after awhile we will see. So here is my thought on all of this. I know that I have passed a mirror and said OMG I need to lose weight but that feeling goes away and I eat more then I see it again and start some diet that never works. This is addiction a bad one. I was telling my husband it is like a drug addict or alcoholic. I know I have eaten and I am not hungry but then 5 minutes later I feel like I have not eaten and need to eat. Now he understands more now. I can not believe that I have wasted most of my adult life eating myself to death and being FAT!!! That now I have to have a machine to help me breath at night and sleep. That my knee hurts so bad I miss out on so many things because I do not want to walk for very long. I never want to pass another mirror and say you need to do something and do it now. I do not want to use this machine for very long and I do not want to be or act older then I am. I WANT TO LIVE!!!! This has been such a wake up call for me! I never want to be back in this place again. I want to help people so they are not in this place. I am thankful for my husband and his supportive ways. I will say as I cried to him last night he said that his fear all along was he was going to lose his wife to death who he loves and the only thing he is scared of after I lose the weight is I will leave him for someone else. I told him first of all I love him to much to hurt him like that and when I said I do it was till death!! This is a beginning not an End! It will be a long hard road to travel but I can do it with Gods help and the help of family and friends. Online ones as well as the ones off line! I promise to be there for any body that needs an ear or support. I will help them as they might have helps me fight and win this battle! __________________ Ronda I can do all things through him that strengths me Live, laugh,Love Facebook: Ronda Kay Kupfernagel Dudley

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

08-26-2009, 09:45 AM	#2
Violet Skye Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: May 2007 Location: Montreal Posts: 4,584 Gallery: Violet Skye Stats: 219.4/175.0 - 44.4 pounds gone!/134 WOE: Controlled Carb Weight Watchers Start Date: December 23, 2008	(((Ronda))) You've just written the first page of your success story, and even if you don't have the surgery, you can and will lose the weight and regain your health! You are very motivated, and your DH is very supportive, so it's a matter of when you'll lose the weight (and then you can buy some new lingerie )

08-26-2009, 02:52 PM	#3
girlie500 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 3 Gallery: girlie500 Stats: 159/152/145 WOE: IF and low carb Start Date: July 2009	Let me knwo if in anyway i can help u... motivational-wise! Im here for you!

08-28-2009, 01:57 AM	#4
pattysparkle Drama Queen Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: 3-2-1......Blastoff !!! Posts: 3,343 Gallery: pattysparkle Stats: 425 estimate/375/ "281" / 140 WOE: Low Carb, RNY 3/11/09 90gm Protein Daily/ Bariatri Start Date: January 2002-Atkins/ June 2006-Low Carb 2007-8	.....Ronda, We are all more alike than you know, you will turn this around and succeed....Love Ya'. We could have all written that post...and have a story....but you have started doing something !!! Don't beat your self up, just press on Thank God for his mercy and BE THANKFUL...your husband sounds like a wonderful man. Blessings, Patty