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Old 05-07-2014, 04:46 AM   #1
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Kwerp refusing to give up

Thought I'd start a journal to help me stay focused.

The history - always lost well on low carb, staying low carb is a struggle, especially in the UK where carbs seem to be a way of life.

I got successfully down to 128 in January/early February with NK. Had a rough day, which turned into a carb attack that weekend. I thought NK wasn't for me. I then switched to JUDDD, but the down days triggered some serious over eating.

Between that and a vacation, I gained all the weight back. I tried intuitive eating, but somehow I landed in "I don't give a ----" mode, and over ate for several days.

Finally, yesterday...after making carrot cake cup cakes with cream cheese frosting for the DH - I just thought, "this is ridiculous." I know sugar and carbs just make me crave more carbs. Eating without abandon just gets me into trouble.

From all my wandering, I realized that if I had just shrugged off the carb binge in February, I'd probably be at my goal weight by now. I guess I was getting obsessed with "staying in ketosis" and the "now I blew it, so I might as well REALLY go all out" mentality is what kills me.

If I could learn that slip-ups happen, and just get back to it without losing heart - I think I have a shot at this.
Also - I need to only weigh myself once a week, and only when I'm feeling emotionally stable. Measurements mean more than the scale. If I had stuck to that back in February....

So now I'm back to it.
I also learned from my JUDDD experience that I don't need to eat all day. I do pretty well with breakfast and dinner. Feeling hungry while I'm at work is a good thing. And I've learned not to "gasp for food" when I get home. Being hungry isn't an emergency.

So the foundation for all of this:
Workout in the morning, then breakfast, then work.
Dinner in the evening.
Macros:
~1400 cals, 18g carb, 117g fat, 70g protein

Next weigh-in is the 14th or 15th, depending on how I feel. Today after the gym I was at 136.6.

If I fall off the wagon - I won't beat myself up, and use that as an excuse to let things go. Dust myself off and get right back to it!!

Last edited by kwerp; 05-07-2014 at 04:52 AM..
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Old 05-07-2014, 04:53 AM   #2
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Woman - you are singing my song. I'm always an all-or-nothing girl. Sucks!

Good luck and I'll be cheering for you!
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Old 05-07-2014, 04:55 AM   #3
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Hey thanks!! I'm really trying to break that habit. It serves for naught.
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Old 05-07-2014, 05:04 AM   #4
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I know!

I just read someone talking about how we are always nice to others, yet so mean to ourselves. Why is this? If I eat even ONE thing off of plan I berate myself like I'm a murderer. Oye vey! lol

I'll tell you you're doing fantastic and myself at the same time! Something has to get through my old-lady skull! Ha!

Have a good day.
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Old 05-07-2014, 10:12 AM   #5
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Today has been good so far.
I'm soooo glad I got to the gym early. It felt good to have that done and out of the way. Normally I go after work, but any more I find that I just can't be bothered to go after work. It was also WAY less crowded. Double awesome. I just have to roll outta bed and get going at 6:30am, which isn't too difficult, all considered.

Breakfast was 2 eggs, two pieces of bacon and bpc.
Didn't have any lunch. Allowed myself to be genuinely hungry. I found the hunger pains left after 2pm, but then surfaced again with some nausea about 5pm.
Dinner was my usual concoction of ground beef, mushrooms and onions. Steamed some kale with butter, and had a small piece of cheese.
I might make some protein "cookies" from my whey protein if I want something snacky later.

I'm anticipating some carb flu in the next day or so. Last time I did NK, I had transitioned from lower carb paleo. Now I'm going directly from eating cupcakes and tons of sugary things. I hope it isn't too bad.
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Old 05-07-2014, 10:44 AM   #6
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Good for you for getting back on track! Do you stuff in your house to help you through the flu when it hits?
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Old 05-07-2014, 10:48 AM   #7
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Mind if I follow along?
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Old 05-07-2014, 11:40 AM   #8
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Hi CC,
Sure. No problem. I just couldn't hack IE. Or I didn't want to, or something. Basically I think it's easier for some, if they're close to the weight they want to be at. But for me, I'm not there. So I'm going back to what worked. Only this time I'm going to make sure that when I slip, I won't let it completely undo my progress.
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Old 05-07-2014, 12:11 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Psmileyf View Post
Good for you for getting back on track! Do you stuff in your house to help you through the flu when it hits?
Don't know what you mean exactly. DH eats anything/ everything, so it comes down to me being strong about it. I have dental work tomorrow, so I imagine that'll help with not eating much tomorrow.
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Old 05-07-2014, 12:27 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kwerp View Post
I'm going back to what worked. Only this time I'm going to make sure that when I slip, I won't let it completely undo my progress.
When something works, it's a no-brainer to stick with it. You probably feel some relief to get started with it again.
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Old 05-07-2014, 12:39 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolinaCoast View Post
When something works, it's a no-brainer to stick with it. You probably feel some relief to get started with it again.

I have hopes.
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Old 05-07-2014, 12:41 PM   #12
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Goal:
1400 cal, 18g carb, 117g fat, 70g protein
Today:
1338 cal, 18g carb total, 104g fat, 76g protein, 7g fiber

Not bad.

Last edited by kwerp; 05-07-2014 at 12:44 PM..
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Old 05-07-2014, 02:50 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kwerp View Post
Don't know what you mean exactly. DH eats anything/ everything, so it comes down to me being strong about it. I have dental work tomorrow, so I imagine that'll help with not eating much tomorrow.
I meant broth or something that will help you feel a little bit better when it hits. I know the first few days of really low carb leave me feeling like I am going to fall over when I walk around corners.
A few blueberries help me with the dizziness without too many carbs or sending me into a carb fest.
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Old 05-08-2014, 12:38 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Psmileyf View Post
I meant broth or something that will help you feel a little bit better when it hits. I know the first few days of really low carb leave me feeling like I am going to fall over when I walk around corners.
A few blueberries help me with the dizziness without too many carbs or sending me into a carb fest.
I usually do ok. It's more that it puts me in a foul mood.
I add a ton of salt to stuff, eat olives in brine, and have bacon.
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Old 05-08-2014, 01:07 AM   #15
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Day 2.
Still carrying a lot of bloat. It's going to take some time to get keto adapted I think, after eating so much sugar for so long.

And I -know- I shouldn't be eating the whey protein. The nutrient list on it is all weird. For a half scoop, it says 67cal, 1g carb, 10g protein, 5g fiber. How can there be more fiber than carb? I'm guess it's the UK system where they subtract the fiber carbs on the label, so it's actually 6g carb, 5g fiber? Either way, I think it consistently prevents/ knocks me out of ketosis, so I shouldn't be eating it. Ugh. Maybe I'll make peanut butter/unsweetened cocoa/ coconut oil fat bombs for my chocolate craving. Maybe that'll help....

Didn't make it to the gym this morning. Sleep just wasn't happening, which is common. I'm quite convinced a lot of my insomnia is genetic based, as my mom and sister both have it as well.
I remember when I was trying out intuitive eating, I had a night where I couldn't sleep at all. It was so frustrating because I had specifically had some fruit before bed (carbohydrates are supposed to help with sleep). I remember lying in bed thinking, 'hell, I had nights like this with NK, but at least I was losing then!'

Anyway. Last dental appointment for a while today. I'll take my gym gear with me, just in case I feel up to it afterwards.
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Old 05-08-2014, 10:52 AM   #16
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So today I got the diatomaceous earth I ordered off Amazon.
After dinner I decided to take it for a test run. 1 tsp in ~8oz of water. Chugged it down, and followed with another 8oz to collect the rest and wash it down. Wasn't horrible at all. I dreaded it more than I needed to.

I hope it helps with my hair and skin. If it helped with my sleep/ intestinal regulation that would be a bonus too. Not holding my breath, will wait and see.

I might try another tsp tomorrow morning if all is well. 1 tsp 2x a day might be ok.

Last edited by kwerp; 05-08-2014 at 11:05 AM..
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Old 05-08-2014, 11:15 AM   #17
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Tired today. Dental work sucks. Didn't make it to the gym. Off to bed.
Final macros for today:
1100 cals, 10g carb, 89g fat, 55g protein, 2g fiber
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Old 05-09-2014, 12:30 AM   #18
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Day 3
Don't think I'm in ketosis yet. Have yet to need to pee all day, which is usually that initial loss of water weight. Curious as to what I weigh, but don't want to get obsessed with the scale. It remains in the closet for now.

Took my second 1 tsp of DE this morning. I'm glad that it doesn't taste horrid/ isn't difficult to choke down.

Off to work. I really can't be bothered today, which sucks because I have a meeting to attend as well. Have go in for a few hours on Saturday as well.
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Old 05-09-2014, 06:04 AM   #19
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Hi kwerp!

I am an insomniac as well. It's horrible yes?

If the flu does hit badly your salty snacks idea is great. I drink bouillon with some cream. Helps quite a bit. And Excedrine extra strength! Those morning headaches from the keto-flu are killer.

I don't find the DE hard to swallow either! It's kinda pleasant in a very weird way.
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Old 05-09-2014, 12:53 PM   #20
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Ach, it's just horrid when you can't sleep. And much triggers it off for me: worry, work, and then when you through in dietary issues. Just the worst.

I think I'm just coping with the transition to low-carb well. I've done it so many times I think I'm used to it!
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Old 05-09-2014, 12:57 PM   #21
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So today has been....ok with food.
I'm allowing myself a few glasses of wine because it's Friday. If I have 3 glasses, macros as follows:
1853 cals, 21g carb, 108g fat, 53g protein, 4g fiber
High on calories, but the carbs are still low. Granted, I can never find accurate carb calculations for red wine, so this could be + 4g carb I think. I'm not killing myself over it.
Had my evening 1.5 tsp DE. Intestines gurgling a bit, but nothing tragic. I hope that in a month my hair is stronger/ skin better. Fingers crossed.
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Old 05-10-2014, 01:15 AM   #22
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Ergh.
So last night was a wash. Went out with the hubby to nice pub. They didn't really have wine there, so I had two pints. And then we got a kebab afterwards. What was I thinking? Ah well. It was tasty as hell.

But, today I'm back on it. I'm not going to let this completely derail me. Had a bit of a headache, but that's gone since I chugged down the 1.5 tsp of DE with 16oz of water. DH steamed/frothed some milk for our coffees this morning, but I had to say no, having butter + CO instead.
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Old 05-10-2014, 03:04 AM   #23
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Oh the insomnia. I know it well. Any emotional thing can get me frothing just like the delicious lattes (is that what they were?) your sweet husband made for you.

We eat out a LOT and it's the hugest challenge for me. And having a beer once in a while just doesn't seem like a crime, but on Keto it is. Blech.

A kebob here is meat and veggies grilled on a skewer. What is it where you are?

You'll jump back in soon girl. Hang on!
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Old 05-10-2014, 03:35 AM   #24
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Yah, I should've just had a whisky, but I wasn't really in the mood for it. And I do like a beer.
A kebab in the UK is completely different. It's meat, salad with garlic sauce wrapped up in a pita bread. It was so good, but killed my diet. We rarely have one, and after having two pints, I figured why the hell not. Oh well.
The key thing is that I'm not going to just give up and eat carbs today because I'm licking my wounds. And there's still my carrot cake cupcakes around the house. I made a fritata for breakfast. Gonna have to have something awesome for dinner - but low carb awesome. I'm thinking steak....
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Old 05-12-2014, 03:56 AM   #25
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I had bourbon yesterday! I enjoyed every sip! I loves my bourbon.

When is your anniversary? This coming weekend? I know you told me.
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Old 05-13-2014, 08:19 AM   #26
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Hi kwerp! Mind if I join in? How is the LC going for you (other than the kabob?). I always migrate back toward lower carb and love it. It just wasn't getting me the losses I wanted anymore.

I think you'll find the DE will be noticeable in a few months. I wouldn't give it up now. It took awhile to make it a habit though.

Have a great day!
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Old 05-14-2014, 01:18 AM   #27
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DaisyGG - yep, this weekend.
LoCarbGal - hiya! The DE has been ok. At first it seemed great, but over the last few days there was a lack of movement that had to be remedied via herbal supplementation. Sorry for the TMI!

It might have had less to do with the DE and more to do with the high-fiber cereal biscuits that I've been snacking on. Off the wagon since Saturday really. The weight gain is obvious in my face/ how my clothes fit. Not how I wanted to be for the weekend.

There's part of me that's so frustrated. I can maintain ok, I think. But the transition from here to there just seems impossible. I'm wondering if I could stick to a super-strict regimen for 2-3 weeks, and then maintain. I think I could maintain ok using 4:3 JUDDD or even IE, but it's getting there that kills me.

I dunno. I'm so disillusioned with everything. I know at the heart of it, I have anxiety that's rigged wrong, driving me to overeat. I refuse to give into pharmaceuticals, so I need to find a way to calm myself from within. I'm looking into meditation.

Anyway, enough with that. Off to work.
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Old 05-14-2014, 08:04 AM   #28
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I've heard others have that problem with DE too, so you're not alone there.

I do think that a dramatic push for some weight loss for a shortish duration would be do-able. As long as you're sure it won't trigger a backlash at the end where you go nuts and put it back on. For me, I can stick with something, even something pretty hard, if I know that it's only for a short while. Kind of depends on where your head is at though. Good luck, whatever you decide.
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Old 05-14-2014, 10:21 AM   #29
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It is all frustrating at times. Grr and arg!

Maybe what you say about finding the calm within is the place to begin. That resonates today for me. I like it! I'm never calm within!

Having this journal could be a great place to calm. Writing can be very meditative.
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Old 05-14-2014, 10:27 AM   #30
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I can't do IE either. I know how my mind works. I literally cannot trust myself. I have dieted way too long to simply say, don't fret, nothing is off limits!

I'm watching to see how things go for yoU!
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