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Old 05-20-2014, 09:19 AM   #91
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Carol, I'm so excited for you that your clothes are feeling looser. I miss that feeling. You're doing great!
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Old 05-20-2014, 10:27 AM   #92
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OH Carol, you are doing so great. Keep it up girl! Love hearing about how much you are learning and growing with IE!
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Old 05-20-2014, 11:02 PM   #93
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Originally Posted by EmmaLiza View Post
Carol,
I am joining you on your journal, if that is okay.

I was wondering how you decide how full or satisfied you are when you stop. I can easily detect the taste change, but my tummy still feels empty at that point. However, if I eat past that point, I cant really tell when to stop until I get really full, so I usually just pick a point, like 5 more bites or the rest of the half of whatever it is.

Thanks,
Stephanie
Yes, Stephanie, please join in! I'm having to go by how my stomach feels to see when I'm satisfied right now. I still can't tell when things stop tasting how they tasted at first bite, whether that's amazing or just meh. Don't ask why I keep eating stuff that's just meh - I'm still a work in progress. Give it some more time and you may start being able to feel it better. I had that happen pretty strongly for the first time yesterday, so I guess it just takes time to develop our sense of it.

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WTG Carol! I'm also finding that it's sort of a meal-by-meal prospect for me. Some meals I'm present and savoring my food and it really is easier to stop when satisfied. Other meals, I'm distracted or in a hurry, and I really do notice it's harder to "hear" my satisfaction. I can't always concentrate on my meals (you know, life interferes!), but I figure each time I succeed is a step closer to it becoming "normal."
Absolutely, Dawn. I don't figure I'll ever be fully present every single time I eat. I just hope to get better and better at it over time. I tend to be a multi-tasker whatever I'm doing, eating is no different. But I'm trying to get better!

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Carol, I'm so excited for you that your clothes are feeling looser. I miss that feeling. You're doing great!
Thanks C! It is exciting after all this time of gaining and maintaining. It feels like my old mojo is coming back.

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OH Carol, you are doing so great. Keep it up girl! Love hearing about how much you are learning and growing with IE!
Thanks girl! This is kinda fun, learning all this new stuff. I guess I'm kind of a junkie for new ideas, especially sort of out-of-the-mainstream ones.


DD went very well again today. Closed it out at 412. I'm looking forward to tomorrow's UD, but in a very calm way. Nothing super-exciting planned on the menu, and I don't think any sweet treats are on the agenda. Just good, satisfying food. Oh yeah, I am planning on making a new (to me) shrimp recipe for dinner. I've never been too adventurous with cooking shrimp - it's so easy to overcook. But I caught some frozen shrimp on sale not too long ago.
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Old 05-21-2014, 03:19 AM   #94
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"caught some frozen shrimp on sale" made me laugh out loud!
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Old 05-21-2014, 05:39 AM   #95
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Do share the recipe! I love seafood of any kind!
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Old 05-21-2014, 06:13 AM   #96
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So glad to see you journaling. Now we can get all the joy of the LoCarbGal experience, condensed!
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Old 05-21-2014, 08:13 AM   #97
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"caught some frozen shrimp on sale" made me laugh out loud!
You goofball! I love it!

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Originally Posted by zipp2play View Post
Do share the recipe! I love seafood of any kind!
It's pretty simple. I saw this one on FB. Take a baking sheet and cover with foil. Melt a stick of butter in it in the oven, or melt in microwave and pour in. Thinly slice a lemon and layer over the butter. Put a layer of shrimp over the lemons. Sprinkle a packet of Italian Seasoning over the shrimp. Bake at 350* for 15 minutes.

I'm going to make green beans and pasta to go with it. And I might sprinkle a little garlic powder on too. YUM!

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So glad to see you journaling. Now we can get all the joy of the LoCarbGal experience, condensed!
Thanks Sirtain! Yep, I finally broke down and did it. What was I waiting for??
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Old 05-21-2014, 08:24 AM   #98
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There's something I've been aware of about myself for many years that I've been thinking about more lately since doing HDE/IE. I can remember this feeling as far back as being a pre-teen in my folks house, and I still have it sometimes.

My mom would come home with a big load of groceries and start unloading everything. I would see all the yummy things she got, some at my request (snackie stuff) and I would feel like I needed to have some of all of it right away. Like it was going somewhere? Like I wouldn't get my share? That wasn't likely. My dad wasn't a big sweet eater. Mom was pretty controlled. My little brother was a picky eater.

As I got older, I still noticed I had those feelings and sometimes it would result in me eating a little of this (or a lot) and a little of that until I had gone overboard. Even now when I get home from the grocery store and put everything away, I think of all the lovely things I got and want some of it all right away. 99% of the time I don't act on it, but the feelings are there and they bug me.

What's this about? I know it's some form of scarcity issue. I know logically it's not going anywhere. It's all fresh and won't go bad quickly. Like the other day, I had a bunch of fresh salad fixings, and I also had cottage cheese (I know....diet food, but I haven't actually had cottage cheese in a long time and I love it!). I wanted them both for lunch, but knew I really only needed one or the other. I didn't want a little salad and a little cottage cheese. I wanted a big salad with ham, and a big cup of cc. Dumb. I didn't do it and just had the salad (yay...learning) but those feelings were there. I'm hoping I can learn to get past this one.
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Old 05-21-2014, 08:30 AM   #99
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I have the same experience from childhood.. and no idea where it comes from because it's not like we ever went hungry..

What you described about wanting the salad AND the cottage cheese....I've been struggling with this for about a week... almost a resentful feeling that I won't "get both"... so dumb, and I know it's irrational but sheesh! Oh, and the idea that I won't get alot of something because now I've learned that it does not take much to fill me to satisfaction and feeling sad because I don't get to have as much as I want... seriously???? You'd think I was eating my last supper or something with feelings like these!
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Old 05-21-2014, 09:52 AM   #100
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My parents didn't cook (except for the odd barbecue once in a while), so we ate out almost all the time, or had canned/frozen stuff. I wonder if that caused some sort of scarcity issue with me. I don't cook either, but DH does, so we get fresh meals regularly, though we eat out a lot too. Interesting things to think about. The grocery thing is something I can't really relate to.
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Old 05-21-2014, 10:25 AM   #101
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I think it is just inborn in us. For millions of years, if you saw it you ate it, and that was the best way to survive, because too often, food wasn't available. Just telling yourself it will be there tomorrow isn't always enough to overcome a million-year old message.
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Old 05-21-2014, 11:44 AM   #102
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You know, I don't know where it comes from. If you weren't worried your Brother or XX would eat it.

That being said, when I started my first true weight loss journey as an adult, in 2001 at 205 pounds (not my highest weight, highest I remember is 230 --not pregnant) I would contemplate, WHY do I just LOVE eating to the point of BEYOND FULL? I was/am in a loving marriage. At that time, I had 2 young, perfectly healthy kids. There was no reason. I didn't get abused when I was young. My DH loves me completely, no matter my size. Obviously my kids, were little, they did too. I couldn't put my finger on it.

Now all these years later, I think it is.....that I was constantly on a diet OR worried / stressed about my size. My mom, when I was in 8th grade (I was chubby) put us all on a diet (GOD LOVE HER ) her plan for me was 4 oreos and milk for breakfast, for lunch, I took 2 club rectangle crackers (1 being the small 4 ones) and an apple. Then we had a moderate dinner. I have had HYPOGLYCEMIA my entire life. HOW DID I FUNCTION? No protein at all till DINNER?!?! I think that started my WARPED relationship with food and RESTRICTION! I can remember sitting with the others at lunch, watching them eat NORMAL food and BEGGING friends for a bite of this or that! I was starving! I did drop 20 pounds and was definitely on the skinny side!

It is this experience and my 20 years after that warped my ability to merely eat for satisfaction. I know I cannot trust myself, not sure I ever will be able to either.

At 39 years old I saw a therapist (the one my DS15 is now seeing) about my unhealthy relationship with food and my horrible torture on myself for my size. It was then that I stopped weighing. She was shocked that my Milestones (besides having my children and such) were, Oh ya , that was when I was 205, or when I was 230 or when I was 184. I am a numbers gal, I could remember dates and weights! It was horribly sad. The way I viewed my life accomplishments or times I felt good.....ALL (except with my kids) hinged on what the scale told me. I have changed that. I may not be pleased I am currently 5 or so over my lowest, but it does NOT dictate my view of LIFE and LOVE for myself anymore.

I still have miles to go. Forgiving myself, loving myself more...you name it. I call it baby steps~
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Old 05-21-2014, 11:49 AM   #103
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Ok sorry for the ramble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 05-21-2014, 11:53 AM   #104
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoCarbGal View Post
My mom would come home with a big load of groceries and start unloading everything. I would see all the yummy things she got, some at my request (snackie stuff) and I would feel like I needed to have some of all of it right away. Like it was going somewhere? Like I wouldn't get my share? That wasn't likely.

What's this about? I know it's some form of scarcity issue. I know logically it's not going anywhere. It's all fresh and won't go bad quickly.
Same here....I'm beginning to think that (for me) it has something to do with feeling somehow dismissed, left out or overlooked/forgotten and projecting that feeling onto food - as if I'm getting the approval/love/recognition from the food as opposed to getting it from my mom....???....and the analysis continues...

I'm enjoying this journal!
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Old 05-21-2014, 12:30 PM   #105
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Carol, I'm following your journey with great interest. Was just wondering, since you're using JUDDD along with HDE and seem to be doing so well, are you seeing any signs at all of gasping for food after a DD? Before when you were doing JUDDD before your shake-it-up break (or since then) did you ever have trouble with bingeing on UDs?
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Old 05-21-2014, 01:26 PM   #106
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Hello Carol! Happy to discover your journal and follow you along on this journey
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Old 05-21-2014, 01:41 PM   #107
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I have the same experience from childhood.. and no idea where it comes from because it's not like we ever went hungry..

What you described about wanting the salad AND the cottage cheese....I've been struggling with this for about a week... almost a resentful feeling that I won't "get both"... so dumb, and I know it's irrational but sheesh! Oh, and the idea that I won't get alot of something because now I've learned that it does not take much to fill me to satisfaction and feeling sad because I don't get to have as much as I want... seriously???? You'd think I was eating my last supper or something with feelings like these!
YES! This! I really think I have used food as a reward for a long time, so when I eat less it feels like I'm being punished. Really dumb because I really do feel better eating less.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KeirasMom View Post
My parents didn't cook (except for the odd barbecue once in a while), so we ate out almost all the time, or had canned/frozen stuff. I wonder if that caused some sort of scarcity issue with me. I don't cook either, but DH does, so we get fresh meals regularly, though we eat out a lot too. Interesting things to think about. The grocery thing is something I can't really relate to.
I'll bet that did create a scarcity mentality for you. We're all nutty in our own, lovable ways, huh?

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Originally Posted by Sirtain View Post
I think it is just inborn in us. For millions of years, if you saw it you ate it, and that was the best way to survive, because too often, food wasn't available. Just telling yourself it will be there tomorrow isn't always enough to overcome a million-year old message.
Excellent point! You're right, it may be a normal feeling. Just that really normal people don't act on it, or consider acting on it. Am I trying to fight my own animal instincts?

Quote:
Originally Posted by zipp2play View Post
You know, I don't know where it comes from. If you weren't worried your Brother or XX would eat it.

That being said, when I started my first true weight loss journey as an adult, in 2001 at 205 pounds (not my highest weight, highest I remember is 230 --not pregnant) I would contemplate, WHY do I just LOVE eating to the point of BEYOND FULL? I was/am in a loving marriage. At that time, I had 2 young, perfectly healthy kids. There was no reason. I didn't get abused when I was young. My DH loves me completely, no matter my size. Obviously my kids, were little, they did too. I couldn't put my finger on it.

Now all these years later, I think it is.....that I was constantly on a diet OR worried / stressed about my size. My mom, when I was in 8th grade (I was chubby) put us all on a diet (GOD LOVE HER ) her plan for me was 4 oreos and milk for breakfast, for lunch, I took 2 club rectangle crackers (1 being the small 4 ones) and an apple. Then we had a moderate dinner. I have had HYPOGLYCEMIA my entire life. HOW DID I FUNCTION? No protein at all till DINNER?!?! I think that started my WARPED relationship with food and RESTRICTION! I can remember sitting with the others at lunch, watching them eat NORMAL food and BEGGING friends for a bite of this or that! I was starving! I did drop 20 pounds and was definitely on the skinny side!

It is this experience and my 20 years after that warped my ability to merely eat for satisfaction. I know I cannot trust myself, not sure I ever will be able to either.

At 39 years old I saw a therapist (the one my DS15 is now seeing) about my unhealthy relationship with food and my horrible torture on myself for my size. It was then that I stopped weighing. She was shocked that my Milestones (besides having my children and such) were, Oh ya , that was when I was 205, or when I was 230 or when I was 184. I am a numbers gal, I could remember dates and weights! It was horribly sad. The way I viewed my life accomplishments or times I felt good.....ALL (except with my kids) hinged on what the scale told me. I have changed that. I may not be pleased I am currently 5 or so over my lowest, but it does NOT dictate my view of LIFE and LOVE for myself anymore.

I still have miles to go. Forgiving myself, loving myself more...you name it. I call it baby steps~
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Originally Posted by zipp2play View Post
Ok sorry for the ramble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No way, Monica. Ramble on! (Now I have Led Zeppelin running through my head - not a bad thing). I am learning so much from all of you guys, and the fact that we are sharing such personal and sometimes painful feelings can only be therapeutic. I'm so glad you're not letting any number define you anymore. You're such a wonderful, caring person!

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Originally Posted by RoxyRoller View Post
Same here....I'm beginning to think that (for me) it has something to do with feeling somehow dismissed, left out or overlooked/forgotten and projecting that feeling onto food - as if I'm getting the approval/love/recognition from the food as opposed to getting it from my mom....???....and the analysis continues...

I'm enjoying this journal!
I'm glad you're enjoying this Rox. It sure is a learning experience!

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Originally Posted by CarolinaCoast View Post
Carol, I'm following your journey with great interest. Was just wondering, since you're using JUDDD along with HDE and seem to be doing so well, are you seeing any signs at all of gasping for food after a DD? Before when you were doing JUDDD before your shake-it-up break (or since then) did you ever have trouble with bingeing on UDs?
Thanks CC. So far, I'm not feeling any "binge" urges since starting this, but I had been fighting them and sometimes losing before I took my shake-it-up break and during the break too. Maybe I got it out of my system during that time, or maybe learning these new skills is helping with it.

I will say that while I have often eaten way more than I should, I very very rarely have had what I would call a true binge. I mean, I've felt uncomfortably full, stuffed, and regret. But as far as stuffing myself really uncontrollably, I'm not sure I can claim that. I don't want to disrespect anyone who truly has bingeing issues by claiming that my overindulgences can compare with that. I must admit, the word "binge" is slightly uncomfortable for me due to the clinical definition and the actual condition.

************************************************** ********

I had my delicious cottage cheese for lunch. Mmmmm was it good. And I didn't eat too much of it, calorie wise for a lunch. But I feel just a little too full. Before I even realized I felt that way, I was having sort of subconscious guilt feelings running around in my head. When I realized what I was feeling, and stopped to figure out why, I was amused. I mean, just the feeling that I was full made me feel that way, even if I didn't blow anything? So interesting..... So I've let go of the guilt feelings just by acknowledging them, and am moving on with my day knowing I had a satisfying and fortifying lunch.
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Old 05-21-2014, 02:43 PM   #108
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Quote:
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I will say that while I have often eaten way more than I should, I very very rarely have had what I would call a true binge. I mean, I've felt uncomfortably full, stuffed, and regret. But as far as stuffing myself really uncontrollably, I'm not sure I can claim that. I don't want to disrespect anyone who truly has bingeing issues by claiming that my overindulgences can compare with that. I must admit, the word "binge" is slightly uncomfortable for me due to the clinical definition and the actual condition.
Likewise, I share that discomfort. I don't always understand what people mean by a binge - do they mean a (substantially) larger than usual amount of food or something more akin to the clinical state, with secrecy, compulsion, and the rapid consumption of food past the point of pleasure and to the point where it hurts? Binge or compulsive eating sound wretchedly distressing.

On the other topic, one of my mother's stories involved me when I was 18 months old or so, and my father had served up some of the meal without putting anything on my plate. Allegedly, I said: "What about Little ME?".
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Old 05-21-2014, 03:41 PM   #109
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That reminds me, Sure. I was staying overnight at a friend's house when I was about 10-11 yo and her father grilled hamburgers. I was unfamiliar with the taste, but I was excited to eat one. When we sat down I looked at her father's plate and said, "Oh, you get the biggest one!" They never let me forget that lol. I think I didn't even eat mine. Everything my family ate was cooked on the stove or in the oven--we did not grill lol.
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Old 05-21-2014, 05:01 PM   #110
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Craol it sounds like you are doing fine. Really getting into it. I loved all the storys.
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Old 05-22-2014, 05:23 AM   #111
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This discussion is fascinating. I nearly cried reading Zip's story.

When I was 13 and 14 I developed totally into my womanly body. Which meant I had gone from about 112 pounds to 125 pounds. I had breasts and hips. Totally normal. My mom mentioned the gain and the change. I was horrified that I was getting fat. Can you imagine? 5'6" or 5'7" and 125 pounds?? That was my first diet. And when I started binge eating. I never purged, but I would go to the store periodically or to a fast food place and get tons of stuff, eat it all. Then not eat for days. So damaging.

Isn't it fascinating how all of this can happen to all of us?
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Old 05-22-2014, 05:48 AM   #112
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Everyone's story is amazing. Ironically, it often includes the parents. I have desparately tried to make better choices when dealing with my DS15 who was overweight at one time. Looking back, some of it probably wasn't the best. I don't blame my MOM, she was doing the best she could and had food issues of her own!

Carol, how was the rest of your UD?? I love cottage cheese. I have it almost daily!
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Old 05-22-2014, 09:16 AM   #113
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The rambles are where we do the most learning.
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Old 05-22-2014, 10:33 AM   #114
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Quote:
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Likewise, I share that discomfort. I don't always understand what people mean by a binge - do they mean a (substantially) larger than usual amount of food or something more akin to the clinical state, with secrecy, compulsion, and the rapid consumption of food past the point of pleasure and to the point where it hurts? Binge or compulsive eating sound wretchedly distressing.

On the other topic, one of my mother's stories involved me when I was 18 months old or so, and my father had served up some of the meal without putting anything on my plate. Allegedly, I said: "What about Little ME?".
I'm glad I'm not the only one that squirms a little when the B-word is used. That story is too cute! Totally valid concern too for little you!

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Originally Posted by Librarygirl View Post
That reminds me, Sure. I was staying overnight at a friend's house when I was about 10-11 yo and her father grilled hamburgers. I was unfamiliar with the taste, but I was excited to eat one. When we sat down I looked at her father's plate and said, "Oh, you get the biggest one!" They never let me forget that lol. I think I didn't even eat mine. Everything my family ate was cooked on the stove or in the oven--we did not grill lol.
Oh funny! My Daddy always got the biggest piece too. And rightly so!

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Originally Posted by windygap View Post
Craol it sounds like you are doing fine. Really getting into it. I loved all the storys.
Yep, I think it's going pretty good so far.

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Originally Posted by DaisyGG View Post
This discussion is fascinating. I nearly cried reading Zip's story.

When I was 13 and 14 I developed totally into my womanly body. Which meant I had gone from about 112 pounds to 125 pounds. I had breasts and hips. Totally normal. My mom mentioned the gain and the change. I was horrified that I was getting fat. Can you imagine? 5'6" or 5'7" and 125 pounds?? That was my first diet. And when I started binge eating. I never purged, but I would go to the store periodically or to a fast food place and get tons of stuff, eat it all. Then not eat for days. So damaging.

Isn't it fascinating how all of this can happen to all of us?
Looking back, it makes me crazy to think that I saw myself as fat when I was just filling out as they say. My best friend's parents made her feel huge when she developed, and she actually looked fantastic. I wonder if they were alarmed about her having a woman's body at such an early age, and transferred those feelings into being a fat issue. 125 pounds sounds like heaven on earth to me now!

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Originally Posted by zipp2play View Post
Everyone's story is amazing. Ironically, it often includes the parents. I have desparately tried to make better choices when dealing with my DS15 who was overweight at one time. Looking back, some of it probably wasn't the best. I don't blame my MOM, she was doing the best she could and had food issues of her own!

Carol, how was the rest of your UD?? I love cottage cheese. I have it almost daily!
I think most parents DO mean well, but just don't know quite how to handle it. And more and more are having to deal with this issue all the time. I think you and DH provided such a good example for DS, and his losing the weight with JUDDD was so inspiring.

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Originally Posted by Sirtain View Post
The rambles are where we do the most learning.
Absolutely! Let's keep rambling!

************************************************** *************

Yesterday finished up fine. The shrimp dinner was very tasty, but not AMAZING. An hour or so later I wanted to finish up a bag of Reese's Pieces. This was like 8:30 or so. I checked in and wasn't hungry, but I wanted them. Knowing today is a DD I wanted my treat. I had them, felt good, not full but just right. I'm going to keep my eye on whether this mentality gets in the way of my HDE/IE process, but so far I think it's okay. I'm controlling my dinner portions much better just checking in with my hunger, and any dessert/treat portions are smaller too. I am enjoying it all, and going into DD feeling okay and not restricted. So far so good.

I got the hungry growls about 8:00 this morning. WAY earlier than usual. But I was able to acknowledge them without acting on them and they have faded. I have no idea what I'll be eating today, and sometimes I think not having a plan can be a problem for me. But I'll wing it and see how it goes. Nothing sounds overly appealing right now, so I must not be hungry right now!
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Old 05-22-2014, 11:03 AM   #115
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Well that's a good sign! I am at 380c right now. Finishing up my salad! I had a quest bar at 8:45 and strawberries/cottage cheese at 11:00
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Old 05-22-2014, 11:10 AM   #116
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Hi Sweetie! First off, you are rockin JUDDD and IE. Good for you!!!

These last posts were so touching and enlightening. One of the best things here is knowing that we are not freaks nor are we alone in this. I think that's the amazing part, to realize this is not one woman's wretched problem.

I did grow up with a scarcity problem. We were told daily, that's all there is and there isn't any more. I competed with two older brothers for my share of the food and they were fast. If any food was available, it was a matter of stealth to get it and go away to eat it without having to share it. This was my first 10 years...already ingrained. Today, I buy too much food. My fridge is stuffed, my cupboards are stocked beyond full and my husband gently reminds me, we don't need to go to the grocery store for awhile. I say "What if there's an earthquake"?
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Old 05-22-2014, 01:17 PM   #117
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BUMMER!

For lunch I had a sliced cucumber with salt. Not at all hungry afterward, but wanted something flavorful. I have a 2 liter bottle of Diet Sunkist soda in the fridge, so I went and got a big tumbler of ice, filled it with orange soda and got a straw. I sat down and was ready to really savor this treat. Took the first sip and it was soooooooo good! Another sip. Really really good. I panicked because it tasted too good. Went to check and make 100% positive sure for certain it was DIET soda and not regular.

.........


It's regular.

DAMMIT! No wonder it was so good. How did I not notice this when I bought it? Dumped out that tumbler full and will save the rest of the bottle either for UD treats or to give to someone else. I don't drink regular soda AT ALL anymore because I just can't justify the calories or sugar. I'm totally bummed out.

The Fresca I used to replace it was good, but kind of a disappointment.
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Old 05-22-2014, 05:32 PM   #118
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sorry!

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Old 05-23-2014, 04:22 AM   #119
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Love these stories. Even the sugary pop story. (I'm not sure, but I suspect pop/soda is more of an American thing than a Canadian thing.)
I'm sometimes envious of those of you who had 'normal' childhoods when it came to food.
I remember being young, young, and swooning with the taste of toast and butter in my mouth. Man, it felt like love and comfort and coziness. Even then, food was the way I tried to change my feelings.
This makes me far more compassionate toward my stumbling when eating according to hunger.
Thanks for all the great stories.
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Old 05-23-2014, 05:23 AM   #120
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OH CAROL, that is a bummer! Glad you checked it though. I drink Coke Zero daily, sometimes when I get a drink out, I worry it isn't diet....have everyone try it because it taste like regular. I'm a NUT that way!
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