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Old 04-30-2014, 10:35 AM   #1
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Dawn's musings ~ HDE and IE ~ 2014

I've decided to start a journal while I embark on this new world of Intuitive or Hunger Directed Eating. I have downloaded a couple of books on the subject, but have not yet read either, so I'm sort of going into it blind for now, trying to eat to hunger and what I want.

My understanding is that one should not be tracking weight or calories during this process, but until I read the books, I'm not comfortable with that just yet. I'm hoping to start the books in the next couple of days.

Last night, for dinner I ordered a chef salad, and let my hunger be my guide. I was pleasantly surprised to find I was perfectly satisfied with half my salad and just a little dressing.

This morning I really wanted cottage cheese with raisins. I added some flax seeds and hazelnuts for crunch and it was really good. I savored each bite and was still a little hungry when I finished the serving. 20 minutes later, I had no hunger. It's now been a little over 2 hours and I'm hungry again, so that didn't hold me as well as I thought it would.

I have soup and the rest of my salad planned for lunch, but have to work out lunch schedules with a coworker. I'm not sure when I'll be eating, and may need a snack in the meantime.

This is all uncharted territory for me, as I'm used to eating on a schedule, and with portions and calories mapped out ahead of time. My ultimate goal is to be able to maintain without constantly thinking about food and planning around it. I need to get out of the diet mentality and get back to living my life.
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Old 04-30-2014, 10:55 AM   #2
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I'm excited you've started a journal. I want to follow along with you.
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Old 04-30-2014, 11:06 AM   #3
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Dawn you are such an inspiration. I look forward to reading how you proceed with intuitive eating! Marking my SPOT
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Old 04-30-2014, 11:07 AM   #4
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CC! Thank you for all your help and guidance.

My coworker is taking the early lunch, so I had my half salad just now and will have my soup when he gets back. The salad was good and I feel satisfied but not stuffed. I'm really trying to concentrate on the feeling of satisfaction rather than eat until I'm "full."

Saturday, DH and I are going out. I don't know where we'll have dinner yet, but I am already wondering how to handle it since leftovers can't be brought home. Then we're going to a party afterwards and many drinks will be consumed. As part of getting out of the diet mentality, I'm hoping it'll be fine to have the occasional social blip with a tiny bit of excess, as long as it doesn't turn into a binge.

I really need to get reading to see how to handle such situations!
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Old 04-30-2014, 11:08 AM   #5
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Dawn you are such an inspiration. I look forward to reading how you proceed with intuitive eating! Marking my SPOT
Monica!!
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Old 04-30-2014, 11:16 AM   #6
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:

Saturday, DH and I are going out. I don't know where we'll have dinner yet, but I am already wondering how to handle it since leftovers can't be brought home. Then we're going to a party afterwards and many drinks will be consumed. As part of getting out of the diet mentality, I'm hoping it'll be fine to have the occasional social blip with a tiny bit of excess, as long as it doesn't turn into a binge.

I really need to get reading to see how to handle such situations!
You can leave food there.....you don't have to eat it all or take stuff home. I know it goes against everything we know/believe, but better to trash it, then to mindlessly eat it, JUST so it is used. I have thrown away my fair share of STUFF just to get it out of my grasp. Heck, at times, the trash can isn't far enough, I use the garbage disposal just to make sure it is NOT an option! YOU CAN DO THIS!
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Old 04-30-2014, 11:31 AM   #7
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Exciting, Dawn.
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Old 04-30-2014, 01:07 PM   #8
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Hi Dawn.
I hope you don't mind me tagging along to watch.
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Old 04-30-2014, 01:15 PM   #9
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Saturday, DH and I are going out. I don't know where we'll have dinner yet, but I am already wondering how to handle it since leftovers can't be brought home.
Here's what I've been doing, and I'm turning it into a game. Since my appetite is actually a lot smaller than I ever realized, I've been ordering sides and appetizers in restaurants. And it's fun how cheaply I get to eat. Saturday night at Abuelo's I ordered mini chimichangas off the appetizer menu for $3.99. There are 4 pieces. I ate 2 and brought the rest home. Sunday lunch at another Mexican restaurant I ordered rice and beans for $2.75 and couldn't eat it all. Monday at my favorite bakery I had black bean and corn salsa with a roll and butter that came to $2.00. Yesterday I went to lunch at an Italian place and had 2 of their giant meatballs with a loaf of Italian bread for $3.50. Tomorrow we're going to Outback and I want their baked potato loaded and that's all. I'm having a blast!
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Old 04-30-2014, 02:33 PM   #10
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So I had my soup at about 1:00. I'm finding, based on my half a day experiment so far (ha!), that I get naturally hungry, then eat a small amount to feel satisfied, but then I'm hungry again in about 2 hours. This pattern could really be inconvenient if it continues, but right now it's all about experimentation. I suspect if I let myself get really hungry but not quite ravenous, I'll eat a bit more and stay satisfied longer. Just going with the flow for now.
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Old 05-01-2014, 08:23 AM   #11
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The rest of Wednesday went as follows:

4:00 p.m., I was hungry but not starving. I knew I wouldn't get dinner until 8:00 p.m. or so, so I went ahead and brewed a cup of cinnamon stick tea and ate a coconut cashew Quest bar. I really enjoy these, and as I'm thinking about "mindful eating," it occurs to me that I always savor them. There's something about the texture that forces me to slow down, so that may be a factor. Anyway, it was fantastic and left me very satisfied.

2/3 of the way through Keira's softball game, I turned to DH and asked if he needed anything from the store. I had a sudden, intense urge for rotisserie chicken and grapes. I often have cravings, and usually honor them (as long as it fits into my calorie/macro goal), so this is nothing new. BUT, instead of just thinking, "Huh, that's an interesting craving," I was more mindful that my body was telling me what I needed. I stopped at the store on the way home, picked up my rotisserie chicken and grapes, got home and plated about what I thought I wanted. I still weighed and measured (not ready to give that up yet), but found that what I plated was exactly what I felt satisfied eating. I had 6.5 oz of chicken with salsa and 200g of grapes. I wanted and had some rum with diet pineapple coconut soda. I don't know where cocktails fall in the grand scheme of IE yet, though.

I entered everything in my tracker and came in just about exactly at my maintenance calories.

Today, I'm craving Greek yogurt with mixed berries. I brought some to work, but am not yet hungry enough to eat them. It's 8:30 a.m. and I'm getting close.

My coworker always goes to In-N-Out with his dad on Thursdays. I'm thinking a hamburger sounds really good, and may ask him to pick me up one. Or maybe not. I'll wait until he's headed out the door to see if it still sounds good, or if I'm even remotely ready for lunch by then.
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Old 05-01-2014, 09:52 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KeirasMom View Post
The rest of Wednesday went as follows:

4:00 p.m., I was hungry but not starving. I knew I wouldn't get dinner until 8:00 p.m. or so, so I went ahead and brewed a cup of cinnamon stick tea and ate a coconut cashew Quest bar. I really enjoy these, and as I'm thinking about "mindful eating," it occurs to me that I always savor them. There's something about the texture that forces me to slow down, so that may be a factor. Anyway, it was fantastic and left me very satisfied.

2/3 of the way through Keira's softball game, I turned to DH and asked if he needed anything from the store. I had a sudden, intense urge for rotisserie chicken and grapes. I often have cravings, and usually honor them (as long as it fits into my calorie/macro goal), so this is nothing new. BUT, instead of just thinking, "Huh, that's an interesting craving," I was more mindful that my body was telling me what I needed. I stopped at the store on the way home, picked up my rotisserie chicken and grapes, got home and plated about what I thought I wanted. I still weighed and measured (not ready to give that up yet), but found that what I plated was exactly what I felt satisfied eating. I had 6.5 oz of chicken with salsa and 200g of grapes. I wanted and had some rum with diet pineapple coconut soda. I don't know where cocktails fall in the grand scheme of IE yet, though.

I entered everything in my tracker and came in just about exactly at my maintenance calories.

Today, I'm craving Greek yogurt with mixed berries. I brought some to work, but am not yet hungry enough to eat them. It's 8:30 a.m. and I'm getting close.

My coworker always goes to In-N-Out with his dad on Thursdays. I'm thinking a hamburger sounds really good, and may ask him to pick me up one. Or maybe not. I'll wait until he's headed out the door to see if it still sounds good, or if I'm even remotely ready for lunch by then.
Dawn, this is wonderful!
And it cracks me up.
Listening to ALL of us working at this pleasure and satisfaction thing with hunger (which is SUPPOSED to be completely natural) makes me think of a new sitcom in which we write to each other all day long saying things like:
At ten a.m. I felt a little cool, so I put a sweater on. At eleven, I was warm so I took it off. At 11:30 I was cool again. If this keeps up, it'll be inconvenient at work. At noon, my hands were chilly so I got my gloves from the car. At two, I saw that Barb had changed into a tank top. I can see that working for me if I get warm again this afternoon. Maybe I can get a tank top just like hers. This is hard. It's really hard to stay mindful of my temperature and of all the clothing choices I have. I don't know what happened. This was all so easy when we were kids.
Etc.
We should all star in this sitcom. We'd be naturals.
Bad jokes aside, I'm loving this. It is SO helpful doing it together.
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Old 05-01-2014, 09:59 AM   #13
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Right?! I know it's ridiculous how much detail I'm including, but I'd like to be able to look back and see what worked and what didn't. I can totally see this turning into some warped comedy about nothing, a la Seinfeld maybe?
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Old 05-01-2014, 10:02 AM   #14
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Dawn, it isn't ridiculous at all. It's very, very helpful and I benefit from every word. It's just crazy and really exciting to imagine that it might become as easy some day as putting a shirt on because I'm cold.
And yeah, how did sooooooo many of us get so unnatural about this in the first place!?
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Old 05-01-2014, 10:07 AM   #15
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...how did sooooooo many of us get so unnatural about this in the first place!?
Years and years... and years and years of media brainwashing and all the trappings of the medical community and social governance hopping on board with it.
There is really no wonder why we're screwed up when you think about that.
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Old 05-01-2014, 11:25 AM   #16
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Dawn, this is wonderful!
And it cracks me up.
Listening to ALL of us working at this pleasure and satisfaction thing with hunger (which is SUPPOSED to be completely natural) makes me think of a new sitcom in which we write to each other all day long saying things like:
At ten a.m. I felt a little cool, so I put a sweater on. At eleven, I was warm so I took it off. At 11:30 I was cool again. If this keeps up, it'll be inconvenient at work. At noon, my hands were chilly so I got my gloves from the car. At two, I saw that Barb had changed into a tank top. I can see that working for me if I get warm again this afternoon. Maybe I can get a tank top just like hers. This is hard. It's really hard to stay mindful of my temperature and of all the clothing choices I have. I don't know what happened. This was all so easy when we were kids.
Etc.
We should all star in this sitcom. We'd be naturals.
Bad jokes aside, I'm loving this. It is SO helpful doing it together.
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Old 05-01-2014, 01:33 PM   #17
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I started to get hungry when my coworker left for lunch. I'm not sure if it was true hunger, or just the anticipation of an In-N-Out cheeseburger, but it was definitely true hunger an hour later when he got back.

I enjoyed my burger, and ate slowly, listening to my cues. I wasn't completely satisfied when I was finished, so I waited 10 minutes. I realized I did still need something, so I looked through the fridge and cabinets. I'm lucky to work in a fairly small office with a full kitchen, so I can keep a variety of things here in the refrigerator, freezer, or cabinets. Nothing sounded good, so I just about decided to stay a little hungry, when I came across a half-eaten package of Brussel Bytes (apple tamarind flavored vegan raw brussels sprouts). I had forgotten they were here, and they sounded GREAT. So . . . I ATE THEM! Now I'm pleasantly satisfied and happy.

Keira's school is having an open house tonight. It starts at 6:30, so we'll have dinner on the way. I'm purposely not going to even think about dinner options. I figure, wherever we end up, something will sound good and I'll just eat to satisfaction. This really is a novel concept, and a gentle way of thinking about food.

As I was typing this, my coworker asked if I wanted to barbecue tomorrow at work. He's thinking chili dogs. I didn't even have to hesitate and think about what the calories were going to be. I said, "Sure, that sounds great!" I think his jaw dropped a full inch. He said, "It's not too carby or too many calories?" I love my coworkers!
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Old 05-01-2014, 01:49 PM   #18
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...He said, "It's not too carby or too many calories?" I love my coworkers!
Awww, I bet you do love them! How sweet of him to be watching out after you that way!
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Old 05-01-2014, 02:34 PM   #19
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I didn't even have to hesitate and think about what the calories were going to be.
I'm so excited for you!! Amazing.

Quote:
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Dawn, this is wonderful!
And it cracks me up.
Listening to ALL of us working at this pleasure and satisfaction thing with hunger (which is SUPPOSED to be completely natural) makes me think of a new sitcom in which we write to each other all day long saying things like:
At ten a.m. I felt a little cool, so I put a sweater on. At eleven, I was warm so I took it off. At 11:30 I was cool again. If this keeps up, it'll be inconvenient at work. At noon, my hands were chilly so I got my gloves from the car. At two, I saw that Barb had changed into a tank top. I can see that working for me if I get warm again this afternoon. Maybe I can get a tank top just like hers. This is hard. It's really hard to stay mindful of my temperature and of all the clothing choices I have. I don't know what happened. This was all so easy when we were kids.
Etc.
We should all star in this sitcom. We'd be naturals.
Bad jokes aside, I'm loving this. It is SO helpful doing it together.
this is hilarious.
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Old 05-01-2014, 10:53 PM   #20
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Dawn! I'm so proud of you for starting a journal. I've been thinking about it for months, but just haven't had the gumption to do it.

I think it's very interesting to follow along with you your hunger feelings throughout the day. I'm in the same boat as you right now, wanting to learn about these feelings and go with it, but not quite ready to give up all monitoring of calories and amounts. I think we will get there when we've proved to ourselves that we won't go NUTS with it.

I'll also be interested to see how your chilblains act with this new eating pattern. Hopefully they'll just disappear.
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Old 05-01-2014, 10:53 PM   #21
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Dawn! Marking my place. I'm thinking about starting an IE journal too, and it will be fun to read yours also!

Carol too! We posted simultaneously!
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Old 05-02-2014, 05:29 AM   #22
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ladies!

Carol, the chilblains thing is just driving me mad. We were up to 95* yesterday, so it's not related to the cold right now, but I have 2 ulcerations and 2 NEW chilblains. I have a lot of stress at work, so I'm thinking that's it, but UGH, I'm so ready for them to GO AWAY! (Not ready enough to give up caffeine, though )

So last night I had a kafta (lulu) kabob sandwich in a pita with hummus and veggies. I also snacked on a pita with butter and onion and a side salad before the meal came out. I think I learned not to have too much of an appetizer before the meal. Even though I had 1/4 of a pita and 1/2 my side salad, dinner was delayed enough after they brought those out, that my hunger cues were diminishing. I listened to them throughout dinner, and realized I was getting close to satisfied with still half my sandwich. Now here's the funny part - I did EXACTLY what I used to do as a child and young adult. I picked out the best parts, enjoyed the heck out of them, and left the rest.

We went to Keira's open house, came home and I had a cocktail. I finished reading The Overfed Head yesterday, and cocktails were NOT addressed anywhere. On the one hand, he says have whatever you want, no more, no less. On the other hand, he says your body will tell you what it "needs." I know my body doesn't "need" rum and pineapple soda, but it sure "likes" it!

Entered everything in my tracker and I came in at 1712 calories and 83 grams of protein. Before HDE, I was shooting for 1669 calories and over 75 grams of protein. I find it interesting that the last couple of days, eating intuitively, I've been right at or near both of those goals. (Day before yesterday was 1622 calories and 91 grams of protein.)

For some reason, this isn't feeling as restrictive to me. I'm eating the same amount basically, and the same things, but just the fact that I don't feel compelled to track it BEFORE I eat it has taken some of the burden off. I still feel compelled to track, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. If this continues to go this smoothly, and I stay close to my goals naturally, I may stop tracking calories and/or weighing daily. "MAY" being the operative word. I know myself well enough to know that my OCD could be keeping me from letting go completely. I sooo want to use my OCD for good instead of evil - i.e., cleaning my house instead of concentrating on food and weight!

I did not sleep well last night. Nothing new there, but I did get up at 3:30 a.m. So far I've colored my hair, showered, dressed, had coffee. It's not quite 5:30, and I have no desire for food. Normally by this time, I'd be planning to get the kid up to get ready for school, and I'd head out to my bagel place. That's my ritual. I go get my everything bagel with cream cheese, coffee, sit and read on my Kindle while I eat breakfast, then come home and get the kidlet off to school. It's kind of my "me" time, and I do feel a little sad that I can't do that every day if I'm paying attention to my hunger. But, I'm recognizing that I was most often having my bagel because it was time for breakfast, not because I was hungry. It is sort of a feeling of loss. I keep telling myself I can wait for the weekend, then wait until I'm hungry and really, really enjoy it then.

I'm also still wondering about social and work obligations. More specifically, work revolves around a time clock. Lunch is fairly set (though mine can be at 11:30 a.m. one day and 12:30 a.m. another). I can't simply wait until I'm hungry, then have WHATEVER I want. While I don't have to eat on my lunch, I will need to eat sometime during the day, and I can't just drop what I'm doing and go somewhere if it's not lunch time. Also, today we're having a barbecue, so I'll need to eat whenever everyone else eats. That's not a big deal because I can simply have nothing for breakfast, or if I get very hungry, I can have just enough to satisfy me. That's a powerful thing. But, that means I DO still have to plan and adjust around the clock in one way or another.

Perhaps some little individual sized bags of almonds or something might be a good idea for those times when I'm just not hungry around everyone else's schedule, but get very hungry when it's not convenient. Hmmm, things to consider. But, wait, now I'm planning. Ugh.

It just goes to show, I have to TRAIN myself to get back to where I was naturally in my youth. That makes me a tad angry and resentful, at the doctor and my mother who insisted I GAIN weight at 18-19 years old, and set me up on a lifelong roller coaster of gaining and losing, when I was thin and healthy to begin with (though, definitely TOO thin, but I had no medical issues). I know they had the best of intentions, but it's frustrating to think about the woulda, coulda, shouldas. I need to let that go. *Sigh*

Okay, a ton of rambling from me this morning. I'll stop now.
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Old 05-02-2014, 06:04 AM   #23
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You got a lot done this morning. Waking up early is the worst, but you made the most of it!!
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Old 05-02-2014, 07:23 AM   #24
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You have gotten a ton done already! I'm impressed.

I understand that feeling of loss of your "bagel time." I felt a similar feeling when I quit smoking. I never was a heavy smoker, so quitting was more about breaking a habit than it was physical withdrawal. I really enjoyed my time sitting outside on my patio, watching my dog roam the yard, and enjoying a cigarette or two. The thing is, I realized I could still sit out there and just not have the cigarettes, but my head rebelled against that. "It's not the same!" I would think. Maybe you can still have that ritual, without the bagel. But I get it if it doesn't seem quite the same and you mourn the loss of that routine.

Ack, I'm so sorry your chilblains are still giving you so much trouble! I was really hoping they had calmed down since you hadn't mentioned them lately. DARNIT!

I think your idea of little almond packets or other things to have on hand is terrific, and I think the planning that involves isn't really the restrictive or burdensome kind. If you find several little items you can keep on hand that you really enjoy, just make it part of your routine to buy them and keep them around. Then when you want or need them, on the spur of the moment, you have the flexibility to do it without that immediate planning thing.
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Old 05-02-2014, 07:48 AM   #25
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Hi Dawn,

I'm interested in following along on your IE journey! I'm so impressed with your dedication to tracking and weighing everything. WOW! I always rebel at that, but that's why you've been SO successful.

I love the detail you're journaling. It is so helpful to all of us who are new to this WOE.

We're all a work in progress, right?
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Old 05-02-2014, 07:55 AM   #26
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Lori! I'm hoping at some point to relax about the weighing and measuring. It has become burdensome, but I know that's why I'm a year into maintenance, so it's hard to let it go.

Not apropos of HDE or IE: Here's a picture of my latest chilblain, taken a few minutes ago. I try to chronicle them every now and then just for record-keeping, and Carol reminded me I haven't done it in a while. This is the worst of the two ulcerated. I often wonder if the other parents at Keira's softball games, or clients at work think I'm a boxer or have a really bad temper. My hands look like I've gone a few rounds with Muhammed Ali!

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Old 05-02-2014, 12:35 PM   #27
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Hi, Dawn,
May I follow along in your new journal? I just started one, too, but was thinking it was mostly for recordkeeping. Now I'm back in the journals folder exploring for the first time and wow, the conversations here are just so amazing--and relevant!
-Stephanie
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Old 05-02-2014, 12:51 PM   #28
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Stephanie. The more, the merrier, though I tend to be a bit verbose when I think I'm rambling to myself. Hope I don't bore you to tears!!
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Old 05-02-2014, 01:22 PM   #29
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Dawn: The chilblains look very unpleasant for you. I'm so sorry that you have to struggle with that.
Fwiw, since I am still puzzled by my own responses to hunger alone (so writing them out is really difficult if not impossible at this point), at least reading your narratives helps me try to compare and possibly realize what's going on with me.
The devil is in the details, as they say.
I'm paying close attention to you and CarolinaCoast as well as all the other posters that are posting their findings. I realize this should all be second nature, but some of us have seemingly thrown ourselves off course for so long, we need people like you as GPS to find our way back to civilization - or at least - civilized eating habits.
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Old 05-02-2014, 01:48 PM   #30
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Today's food observations:

B: was at 7:30 a.m. I had a cup of FF Greek yogurt mixed with a cup of mixed berries and a few drops of ez-sweetz. I was pretty hungry when I ate, and ate slowly. I found I was satisfied with a few bites to go, but fell into the whole "it's just a couple of bites," and I ate them anyway. Calorie-wise, no big deal, but not what I'm going for with the mindful eating.

L: 12:00 coworker grilled hot dogs and we made chili cheese dogs with onions. I ate mine slowly, but had to man the phones, so couldn't really focus on lunch as much as I would have liked. I finished my hot dog and really thought about whether or not I was satisfied. I wasn't quite. I got another 1/4 cup or so of chili topped with a few onions, and that was the perfect amount.

It's now not quite 2:00 and I feel perfectly satisfied.

I am noticing that when I pay attention, it seems that I go from not being hungry to being truly hungry without much warning. I think it might be because it's actual hunger and I'm ignoring the head hunger. Personally, I think the head hunger might be a precursor to actual hunger. Sort of a preparation to eat. This might explain why so many of us eat too often. If we're confusing the head hunger with real hunger, we (I, at least) eat more often, or eat to quell the real hunger before it ever happens. When I'm not paying attention to the head hunger, or thinking about food, it's a bit surprising and disconcerting when all of a sudden I'm hungry! And it's more of an urgent hunger, even though I haven't been dreaming of food or planning my next meal. It's hard to describe.

So, anyway, I'm leaving work at 4:30 today to get Keira to her softball game. She'll need to eat before hand, and I'm sure I'll have some real hunger by then as well. I'm thinking a Quest bar for each of us (if I even need something), and then dinner after the game. We have leftover rotisserie chicken, grapes, soup, etc., so whatever sounds good at the time, and in whatever quantity.

I'm not worried about tomorrow either, anymore. I really think I'm getting the hang of eating to satisfaction, and I know that if I slip up it's not going to be the end of the world. That's a pretty awesome feeling, and I hope it continues and strengthens as I get further along. It's still too early to tell, but it's looking good!
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