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Old 05-13-2014, 08:23 AM   #91
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Originally Posted by KeirasMom View Post
I made a nice salad with lettuce, tomatoes, and blue cheese, and had one piece of pizza. I ended up craving apples later, so I had a half an apple too.

I'm up a pound this morning, which has me a little , but I didn't sleep well. It's 3:30 in the morning and I've been up for about half an hour, so that might be the issue.

There's also some stress involved. I started yet another set of responsibilities at work yesterday and I really have no idea how I'm supposed to get everything done. Also, we found some puppies a little over a week ago. We're trying to find homes for them (2 gorgeous puppies - probably doberman mixes), but the little girl puppy isn't eating right now. We're trying everything we can, and she seems otherwise healthy, so I don't know what's going on. We figured we'd take them to the shelter if their family didn't claim them and if nobody wanted them, but I don't want to take her if she's sick, and risk having them put her to sleep. We're going to have to talk about taking her to the vet, but money is a little tight right now. I'd just keep them, but our city ordinance only allows for 3 dogs and we already have 3.

Anyway, totally not diet related, but I wonder if it's screwing with my body being under this kind of stress. I sometimes think I care more about pets than I do about other people.
Of course it feels sometimes like we care more about animals. They are more truly dependent on us than people (I guess I mean in general). Anyway, what about contacting doberman rescue groups to get some help in fostering or placing?

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The earlier I get up, the higher the scale number. Back when I was weighing all the time and I woke up early it was always a big debate as to whether I should go ahead and get up or wait a few hours so the scale would be down. It does make us crazy... And stress will do it, too. I read that stress releases cortisol and cortisol causes water retention. Vicious cycle, indeed!
Me too. What is that? The longer I wait, the less I weigh. Love Saturdays for that!
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Old 05-13-2014, 08:48 AM   #92
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Originally Posted by EmmaLiza View Post
Of course it feels sometimes like we care more about animals. They are more truly dependent on us than people (I guess I mean in general). Anyway, what about contacting doberman rescue groups to get some help in fostering or placing?



Me too. What is that? The longer I wait, the less I weigh. Love Saturdays for that!
DH was looking into rescues but hasn't found one accepting puppies right now. He volunteers for a local pitbull rescue, so we'd be set if they were pits. We'll figure something out. Almost convinced MIL to take both of them, but she wasn't sure. Now the one is sick, I don't feel right pushing the issue. We need to get her eating and well, then try again.
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Old 05-14-2014, 07:42 AM   #93
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Nothing exciting on the food front yesterday.

B: 1 C FF Greek yogurt with EZ-Sweetz. Technically that's diet food, but I enjoy it, and wanted it, so that's what I had.
L: Banh Mi - I ate the whole thing, felt satisfied for a bit, then overfull for some time. I really need to work on slowing down and paying attention. That doesn't seem to be a problem with breakfast or dinner. Maybe lunch is a problem because I have to hurry so I can get back to work on time . . . I may try boxing up half my Banh Mi when I get it, eating half, and taking the rest back to work with me. No rules against eating at my desk if I get hungry later. I wonder if that's more "restriction" or just being prudent.
D: DH made lovely ribeyes and roasted asparagus. I had 6 oz steak and 100g asparagus, plus 5 cherries. That was perfect. I had cocktails after.

Calories were right around 1400 with 99 grams of protein. Perfect, even with my overeating at lunch time. If I can nip that in the bud, I think it'll make this more intuitive. I do like that my calories are sort of all over the place, but more often than not, they end up right in my maintenance range. I think I'm slowly but surely learning to trust myself more.

The scale, however, is sticking right at the upper end of my bounce range, and I think that's what's holding me back from totally giving myself over to the IE without checks and balances. My jeans are a bit more snug than I like, so I know I'm really stabilizing at the high end. I need to decide if I'm okay with that, or not. It's probably where my body needs to be, so I might just go with it. I'm just under 150 pounds which is where my alarm bells go off, but is definitely within "healthy" limits for my height.

Today, I woke up hungry. I had my bagel and cream cheese for breakfast. I'm not the least bit hungry right now, but am having a hankering for chili for lunch, so that's what I'll get unless something else sounds good.
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Old 05-14-2014, 08:11 AM   #94
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Interesting that you felt satisfied at the end of eating, but overfull a little bit later. I've had that feeling a couple of times since trying this too. I know it takes 20 minutes (or whatever) to feel full after starting to eat, and all that. But this is more like an hour or more later, and I'll feel like it's sitting there, too much on my stomach. Is that what you had?
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Old 05-14-2014, 08:31 AM   #95
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That's exactly the feeling I had. It was odd.
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Old 05-14-2014, 08:33 AM   #96
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I wonder if this is always how we have felt, but have ignored it. Or thought that was normal. Hmmm........
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Old 05-14-2014, 08:34 AM   #97
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I'm thinking I just let myself get stuffed before without thinking about it, so the overfull feeling was already there when I stopped eating. It's weird though to have a period of satisfaction and then feel overfull. I think I need to stop just before I'm satisfied and see what happens.
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Old 05-15-2014, 07:42 AM   #98
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Good food day for the most part yesterday: Bagel/cream cheese for breakfast, chili w/scorpion pepper sauce for lunch. THEN it sort of unraveled.

I was hungry at 3:30 p.m., but didn't want to eat anything until dinner. We ended up going to our favorite Japanese place. I had miso soup, two steamed gyoza, and ordered a firecracker roll, which was new to me, and the description wasn't complete.

When it arrived, it was covered in a creamy or mayonaisse-y sauce. It was really delicious, and I knew after my fourth piece that I was satisfied. BUT, sushi doesn't keep well, right? I can't let it go to waste! So, instead, I let it go to MY WAIST! I ate it all. Live and learn, stumbling baby here. I knew what I was doing, and did it anyway.

Calorie-wise, I ended up not too far above my maintenance calories, but didn't get much protein, and didn't listen to my cues. In fact, I totally ignored them.

I started "Skinny Jeans" last night. I'm interested to see what all she has to say.
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Old 05-15-2014, 08:17 AM   #99
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Live and learn, for sure. I am still struggling with not leaving behind what I don't want or need. I just want to finish it. So apparently that's work we both need to do. It will come! I have faith in us both!
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Old 05-15-2014, 02:54 PM   #100
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B: 0630 - Everything bagel with cream cheese, coffee, perfectly satisfied.

S: 0930 - Starving! Quest Bar - coconut cashew - satisfied, barely

L: 1230 - Starving! Banh Mi - minor victory here. I noticed halfway through that my bread wasn't tasting great. I thought back to when I was naturally thin, and my mom would laugh at me for eating some of the bread on my sandwich or burger or whatever, then taking out and eating the fillings and leaving the rest of the bread. I found myself automatically doing that with lunch today. I ate all the fillings and about 2/3 of the bread. I also realized I never really liked bread growing up. It was a vessel for the "good" stuff, and too much always left me feeling over-full. I didn't start WANTING bread until my first round on low carb, when it was restricted. Coincidence?

We will be heading to a baseball game tonight, so I'll probably have junk. I'm not stressing it. I'll enjoy whatever I get and stop when satisfied (hopefully).
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Old 05-15-2014, 03:09 PM   #101
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I didn't start WANTING bread until my first round on low carb, when it was restricted. Coincidence?
That is very interesting, Dawn! I love that victory and realization, both. Have fun at baseball!
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Old 05-15-2014, 03:29 PM   #102
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You really are getting back to your natural eating ways if you automatically left some bread. That's great! I love good, fresh baked homemade bread, but most other bread is just a "handle" or "vehicle" for the good stuff, like you said.
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Old 05-16-2014, 07:29 AM   #103
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Dinner at the ball park:

I was really proud of myself. DH and I shared a polish sausage and I had a tall Tecate. I was satisfied. Then, Keira wanted some chili cheese fries, so DH asked me to get him some garlic fries as well. Well, I ate half of DH's fries and a bit of Keira's too. No reason other than taste.

I ended up over-full. The day was not worthy of being classified as a binge, but my weight is going up and I'm starting to panic. I'm having thoughts of restricting, but I really don't want to go down that path again. I'm trying to tell myself that I'm still learning, and eventually I'll be able to cope without going off the rails. I have not given myself fully over to IE and I recognize that most likely that's the problem. I am going to keep trying. I have a little over a month until our vacation and I'd really like to be more at peace with food by then.

Here are my stats since I started:

May goal: Maintain with HDE/IE

05/01 - 149.2 - 1712 - 88g protein
05/02 - 147.4 - 1450 - 78g
05/03 - 147.0 - 2235 - 99g
05/04 - 146.0 - 1165 - 64g - tom - dehydrated
05/05 - 146.6 - 1742 - 76g - tom
05/06 - 147.8 - 1622 - 103g - tom - trying to shush the "diet talk" in my head
05/07 - 147.4 - 1501 - 69g - tom
05/08 - 147.8 - 1839 - 85g - tom
05/09 - 148.2 - 1438 - 75g - tom
05/10 - 147.4 - 2195 - 93g - think lunch made me sick, pancakes for dinner!
05/11 - 148.8 - 1298 - 81g
05/12 - 148.2 - 1495 - 53g
05/13 - 149.2 - 1398 - 99g This is a bit of a shock, but I didn't sleep well. Hmm.
05/14 - 148.6 - 1755 - 48g - estimate, sushi
05/15 - 150.0 - 1979 - 76g - ball game, ate junk
05/16 - 151.2

I prefer to be closer to 145 on a regular basis. Under 150 doesn't bother me too much, but 150 and above sends me into a panic.
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Old 05-16-2014, 08:12 AM   #104
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Please don't panic, Dawn! I think our bodies are probably so confused that there may be some fluctuations. And like Ouiz and CC have mentioned, a little gain in the beginning is to be expected. I hate it too, but it may be the price we have to pay for HDE.
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Old 05-16-2014, 08:26 AM   #105
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Please don't panic, Dawn! I think our bodies are probably so confused that there may be some fluctuations. And like Ouiz and CC have mentioned, a little gain in the beginning is to be expected. I hate it too, but it may be the price we have to pay for HDE.
Especially after so many years of restriction. From the outside it looks as though you're doing really, really well.
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Old 05-16-2014, 10:14 AM   #106
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I agree with Kristin--it does look as though you are doing really well.

I'm just thinking about root causes....Can it be as simple as being more aware? Or aware more of the time? I wonder this for myself as well, of course. It's evidently extremely hard for me to stay in an aware state. And a bit tiresome. Maybe we don't get to relax about food the way we imagine others do. Or maybe not as much or as soon as we would like.
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Old 05-17-2014, 06:08 AM   #107
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I squashed the panicked thoughts and desire for restriction.

B: Greek yogurt with ez-sweetz
L: Frozen lasagna and 3 oz rotisserie chicken
S: Quest bar
D: Texas Roadhouse, 6 oz sirloin, 1/2 baked sweet potato, green beans with bacon
Cocktails: Um, duh!

Everything but dinner was sort of "on-the-run" eating as I was alone at work, so had to just grab and go. I paid attention at dinner and stopped when I was satisfied. I got a little hungry again before bed, but couldn't be bothered to get up and get something, so it wasn't "real" hunger.

Came in at 1477 calories and 110 grams of protein.

Weighed in at 149.4 today, so that helped.
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Old 05-17-2014, 09:01 AM   #108
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Nice, Dawn! I've noticed that if I eat to just enough but not more at dinner, I'm a bit hungry before bed, but I'm just going to bed, right? So maybe not having a snack right then might help me start to lose. I'm glad the scale came down ... it did for me too. Good job at dinner!
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Old 05-18-2014, 06:05 AM   #109
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Stumbled a bit on Saturday.

We went out to lunch and I ordered seafood enchiladas. I finished them and was still a bit hungry, so I had some of Keira's quesadilla, and was satisfied.

Then we went to a movie. I did not get any snacks, but afterward, we stopped at a frozen yogurt place. You know the kind where you serve yourself, add toppings, and weight it? Well, I did pretty well with a smallish serving and added fresh fruits. I wasn't hungry though, and still ate.

Dinner time rolled around and I wasn't hungry but everyone else was eating, so I thought, oh I'll have some soup to be sociable. So AGAIN, I ate when I wasn't hungry, but calories were still decent, so NBD. Ugh, WRONG!

I got hungry later and decided to eat what sounded appealing. 2 slices of turkey, 3 cookies, a mini carrot cake cupcake and a Hershey's miniature, and I was finally satisfied. Grrr. More work to do.

Calories wise, it wasn't a binge, but it was still NOT the way I'm trying to live my maintenance. I should not have had the froyo. Then I would have been hungry at dinner time and would have eaten a real dinner. Then I wouldn't have been compelled to graze on junk later.

I'm still learning, so being gentle with myself.

Another thing; I feel like it was true hunger driving me later in the evening, but I was also sad. One of the puppies we found a couple of weeks ago and are trying to find homes for passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. I have to wonder if some of my physical hunger cues were emotional eating. I really think I was actually hungry--it sure FELT like it.
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Old 05-18-2014, 07:10 AM   #110
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I'm so sorry about the puppy.
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Old 05-19-2014, 07:44 AM   #111
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Thank you Gina. It was a shock.

Sunday:

DH and Keira wanted Jack in the Box for breakfast, so I had a Breakfast Jack. It left me a little hungry, but not bad.

Then we went to the Fresno Bully Rescue "Spring Bully Walk." We go twice per year, and it's FUN! 2 mile hike with the dogs, and there are literally hundreds of people with their dogs, streams for the pups to play/swim, booths, contests, etc. So we did that and had a blast.

Lunch: We tried a new-to-us Chinese buffet. It was good. I ate just what I wanted and made pretty good choices, though I did have 3 small desserts. I wasn't overstuffed, but was a little past satisfied.

Then we went to a barbecue/pool party for Keira's softball team. Since we ate lunch, I didn't plan to eat there, but ended up having some fruit, a cookie, 1/2 a cake pop, and 2 beers. Yup, none of it was needed, and I ate just to be sociable. Dumb.

I wasn't hungry for dinner, so ended up having a snack before bed, when I did get hungry. 1 HB egg and a couple of slices of turkey. That was perfect.

I did NOT count calories - just too hard with the buffet and barbecue. I'm hoping I did alright, though I did eat more than I needed. It's big for me to have not gone home and tried to figure out the calories in every little thing I consumed. Even though I've been working on not tracking until after I eat, I have still been tracking pretty religiously. I think I'm sabotaging myself a little bit, and need to find a way to let that compulsion go.
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Old 05-19-2014, 08:17 AM   #112
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I love reading your posts. It always sounds like you have a good time. So many interesting places and things to do where you live.

Sounds like progress not counting the calories yesterday. Isn't it funny how we get fettered to that mentality?
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Old 05-19-2014, 08:26 AM   #113
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You're doing great, Dawn. I would encourage you to let go of the counting. If you think you might be sabotaging yourself, you probably are. There's no way to let go of calorie counting other than to simply (I say, simply, but I'm sure it will take work to undo that habit) stop counting. Just like you did yesterday! Yay! Just my two cents.

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Old 05-19-2014, 08:58 AM   #114
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I suspect you're right, Green, and I just need to stop counting. I don't think I'm fully giving myself over to the process because I'm still happy when I stay within my calorie goals and still unhappy when I'm over. It's really not conducive to the whole "intuitive" aspect of this, which is, after all, the point.

In other news, my fatigue has been worse lately, my hands are really dry, and my stylist told me on Saturday that my hair is getting brittle (I hadn't even noticed that one). These are all signs of thyroid issues, so I called my endo this morning and they can actually see me this afternoon. That's shocking! It usually takes a few weeks or a month to get in, but they had a cancellation. If my thyroid's all wonky again, it could explain the few extra pounds I've put on. Hopefully labs will support my symptoms and my meds can be adjusted. I think I'd be more likely to fully give myself over to the IE if I knew my thyroid was optimized. At least, that's my hope.
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Old 05-19-2014, 10:23 AM   #115
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So sorry about the puppy. Was it the little girl? Dogs come to us with all kinds of lessons, don't they?
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Old 05-19-2014, 10:31 AM   #116
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No, the little boy. He was fine, then he wasn't. DH found a bottle of weed killer in the back yard. We think he knocked it down from a shelf in the garage and got into it. It was sudden and shocking.

The little girl is doing GREAT!
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:46 AM   #117
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Heartbreaking about little boy pup. I'm so sorry. But really glad that little girl is doing great! I wish I could take her - she's a cutie.

As for counting, you CAN stop. I'm probably pretty close to as obsessive about tracking and counting as you (well, I never counted black coffee, tea, or gum ) but I have stopped tracking on my UDs and it feels wonderful! I keep kind of a rough estimate, but once I know I'm on track, I quit tracking for the day. Besides, some days can be higher and some lower. It's just natural. There's this weird sense of release and relief about not doing it ALL.THE.TIME.

Same thing with weighing. I haven't weighed for awhile and I am seeing that I'm getting smaller again in my clothes, and that makes me happy. And I'm happy to not have to do it each morning. You can do it Dawn!
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Old 05-20-2014, 05:39 AM   #118
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Thanks Carol. I think I can, and I'm leaning toward trying to stop counting/weighing, but it's SCARY!

Monday:

B: Everything bagel with cream cheese, coffee - not stuffed, just right
S: Small package of chile picante corn nuts
L: 1/2 Banh Mi (that's all I had time for, had to run to a dr. appt.) I was still a smidge hungry, but not bad.

My dr. appt. ran long, so I didn't get the rest of my sandwich. I got back to work at 3:30 and was hungry, so I had an apple to hold me over to dinner

D: 6 oz pork steak, medium artichoke with 1T mayo, 6 slices of light dry salami, a small handful of trail mix. I could have kept eating, but decided to let it rest a bit and see how I felt, and it ended up that I was satisfied without being full.

1388 calories for the day with 57 grams of protein.

My endo's office lab tried to draw blood for my thyroid panel yesterday, but couldn't get any. I had three sticks with no draw, and have to go back this morning. It's very frustrating and I feel like a pin-cushion. I hope they get what they need today. I'm hungry, but haven't yet taken my Synthroid, so I can't eat yet. I'll have to wait until after my draw, then take my meds, then not eat until at least 30 minutes later. Thankfully, I know hunger is NOT an emergency.
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Old 05-20-2014, 07:40 AM   #119
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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I'm about 2/3 of the way through with "Skinny Jeans" and lots of what she writes is resonating with me. I'm at the part where she instructs to be present and use a pretty plate.

I had my blood draw at 0630, then took my Synthroid at 0645. I normally take it in the middle of the night, but one thing I read lately said to have at least 12 hours between the time it's taken and a blood draw, so I didn't take it last night. Unfortunately, there are all kinds of restrictions about what and when one can eat after. The main issues are dairy and caffeine, IIRC, so I didn't have my bagel and cream cheese for breakfast.

When I got to work, I took out my leftover 1/2 Banh Mi from yesterday's lunch, plated it, and stared at it until 0715. Then I ate slowly. It wasn't great (bread from the refrigerator, anyone?), but was decent and I was really hungry. I wasn't satisfied after I finished, so I made a Click caramel espresso protein shake. YUM! And now I'm satisfied, and not overly full.

My coworker is taking the early lunch, and I suspect I'll be hungry by then, so I might have a cheese stick to tide me over. We'll see how it goes.
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Old 05-20-2014, 07:41 AM   #120
Big Yapper!!!!
 
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WOE: Atkins 1/27/12 - 54.5 lbs: JUDDD 9/4/12 - 73 lbs
I hope they can get a good draw this morning. That does NOT sound fun. Either the poking, or having to go back down there AGAIN.
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