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Old 04-08-2014, 05:41 PM   #1
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A low carb life for me

I've been pretty active here in the past, but quit coming for a while because I went way off track. I've finally come to the realization, after falling off the wagon three times, that low carb eating is the only way I can survive. Here's a little of my recent history for you:

I went back to a low carb diet last summer, lost twenty pounds, and then the holidays came. I cheated...and cheated again. Before I knew it, I was eating anything and everything, and then winter was over. My jeans that I had worked so hard to fit into last fall, suddenly didn't fit anymore. I started feeling physically unwell and so disappointed in myself. I knew I needed to do something.

A month ago, my husband and I decided to go to a martial arts school. I enjoy the exercise, but the instructor recommends that every student follow a vegan diet. Well, I did the vegan diet for a month, and felt like crap. And I was eating the "healthy" vegan way. No junk or added sugar. But I was bloated, gassy, constantly in the bathroom, tired, and anxious. And being a type two diabetic, veganism did not agree with me in that respect either. I was having blood sugar crashes frequently, and just feeling generally "off." I told my husband over the weekend that the only way of eating that has helped me to lose weight and to feel better is the low carb diet. So, as of yesterday morning, I am back in this lifestyle. My husband is supporting me, and I don't really care what my martial arts instructor advises. He's not a dietician. I'm a diabetic, and I need to get this under control. I've been careless with my health for far too long, and being 34, I'm not a spring chicken anymore. It's been hard to admit to myself that I'm no longer a kid who can eat whatever she wants. I have to cut some things out for good, and be honest with myself about what I can allow myself to enjoy. I am not a normal person. I can't process carbs like most people can. So, as disappointed as I've been with myself, the last few months have been eye-opening. I feel motivated to get back on track now.

I've never kept a journal here, but I'd like to now. I feel like it will help me to come here and just get my feelings out about all of this.

This time, I'm adding exercise to my routine. We're still doing the martial arts classes two days a week, plus practicing at home. I also have a new workout DVD that I would like to do a few times a week. And we have two new dogs, and they need to exercise, too. I think this is going to help me to feel better all around.

Yesterday I had the first meat and dairy I've eaten in a month. For dinner I cooked Low Carb Linda's German Meatballs. It was like heaven. And today I felt so much better in general. The bloated feeling is disappearing, and so is the gas. I felt more positive. I've decided there is nothing in the world that is worth giving up cheese. I can give up sugar. I can give up grains. I can give up soda. But I cannot live without cheese.

Speaking of diet soda, one thing I cut out when I went vegan, and which I will continue to leave out, is artificial sweetener. I've been using stevia in my coffee, which I only have a couple of times per week, but that's it. I really feel like artificial sweeteners aren't good for us, so I'm ditching them. Everything I've read says that they cause weight gain and stalls, too, so what good are they? I love unsweetened iced tea, so abandoning diet soda is not a huge problem for me. There's also Zevia for the occasional non-toxic soda.

I'm buying higher quality meat. The one thing I can agree with vegans on is that factory farming is horrible, for the animals and for us. So, I've been spending a little extra money on better quality, grass-fed beef. It's not even that much more expensive than what you find at Walmart. My husband built a chicken coop, and we're getting ready to buy two hens to give us healthy backyard eggs.

I'm also trying to stop eating late at night. Tonight I'll be done with my dinner by 7 pm, and I don't plan to take another bite until the morning.

I'm having leftover meatballs and cauliflower for dinner. And it's delicious.

So, here I am. I hate to say I'm starting over again, but at least I'm doing it. If I ever start having cravings for sweets or even fruit, I'm going to read these journal entries to remind myself what is good for me. Thanks for reading.
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Old 04-09-2014, 08:18 PM   #2
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Day three and going strong. For lunch I had the rest of my leftover meatballs and a small salad. For dinner I'm having a cheese omelet, bacon, and coffee with HWC. It's very early on, but my clothes already feel looser.

I did feel very tired today, which is probably a combination of the diet switch and the fact that I have been getting very little sleep this week. And for the first time since starting, I feel hungry after dinner. I feel like snacking, but it's after 9pm, and I don't really want to fall into the trap of late night snacking. I might have a piece of cheese to kill the hunger. Or maybe nothing.
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Old 04-09-2014, 09:21 PM   #3
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It's an hour later and I just felt like coming to post again. My husband is out of town until tomorrow, so I think I feel like snacking because I'm bored and lonesome. But I managed to avoid the urge, and now I feel better. I didn't need anything to eat. I just had a little extra coffee and some water to drink, and that did the trick.
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Old 04-10-2014, 12:39 PM   #4
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I'm with you...I couldn't give up cheese...it is a food group all in itself I actually haven't been eating much of it since starting this plan but it's there for when I want
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Old 04-10-2014, 06:37 PM   #5
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Hey, reptogirl. I like your name! Thanks for the comment. Yeah, cheese can't go. I have had to give up so many things since I started having trouble with my blood sugar. I can't let cheese go! I know a lot of people say that dairy can stall you, but I don't think that's been the case for me. For me, I just have to make sure I don't eat too much or too late. That helps a lot.
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Old 04-10-2014, 06:39 PM   #6
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For lunch I had a grilled chicken salad with blue cheese dressing. For dinner I'm having salmon patties, mashed cauliflower, and a small salad. I had a can of Zevia root beer when I got home. I have to go to the doctor tomorrow, so I'm trying to eat fairly lightly tonight and tomorrow morning. Anyway, overall I'm feeling better back on low carb. And I love the food I get to eat. That's such a big thing.
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Old 04-11-2014, 05:15 PM   #7
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I went for a well woman exam/pap today. Everything was pretty normal, except for my A1C and my blood sugar. My blood sample was taken a few weeks ago at a separate lab, and it was taken at the end of my holiday season insanity, so I expected my sugar to be off. So I'm scheduling an appointment with a new general practitioner to see if they want to put me back on metformin. When I was on it a few years ago, I dropped weight so quickly. It was like a miracle drug. I wouldn't mind going on it again, although I hate to take drugs. But this may be necessary.

My overall cholesterol level was in the good range, but she said that my good cholesterol is low. So, I have to work on getting that up. I'm sure that getting back on the low carb path will help with that, and so will exercising.

For breakfast I had a slice of Swiss cheese. For lunch I had a cup of unsweetened herbal tea. I kept it light before my appointment. Afterwards, I went straight across the street and had a cheese omelet with a side of sausage. I'm not sure what I'll be having for dinner. Maybe a big salad.

Anyway, it was a pretty good day. I'm glad my exam went well and that my lab results weren't too horrible. For the first time in a while, I feel like taking control of my health, so I'm actually looking forward to seeing my new doctor about controlling my blood sugar.
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Old 04-11-2014, 06:18 PM   #8
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I had to come back just to add that I found out a few minutes ago that my town has a Mexican restaurant with a low carb menu. How did I not know this?! We're heading there in a few minutes!
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Old 04-11-2014, 08:27 PM   #9
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Coming back just to say that I've found my new favorite restaurant. They had a big low carb menu. I had a double green chile bacon cheeseburger with sour cream and guacamole, no bun. It was DELICIOUS and very filling. My husband also got one of their low carb entrees: carne adobada with cheddar cheese and a side of calabacitas. Everything was great. If only I had known about this ages ago...
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Old 04-11-2014, 09:13 PM   #10
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Quote:
I've decided there is nothing in the world that is worth giving up cheese. I can give up sugar. I can give up grains. I can give up soda. But I cannot live without cheese
Hey! I've been doing my own journal but I just wanted to say that I could have written this same thing. I tried to give up dairy totally for like 3 days and I have found that, for me, no cheese would be a deal breaker! I don't gorge on it but I must have it.
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Old 04-12-2014, 02:27 PM   #11
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Hi SoS, your journal really speaks to me. I also lost 20 lbs last summer and then fell off the wagon, putting them right back on. Also, I just restarted same as you. Sending positive thoughts your way...
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Old 04-12-2014, 08:37 PM   #12
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Thanks for the comments, MadMarsha and Olive. MadMarsha, yeah, cheese is not going anywhere. I told my husband that I've had to give up so many things since finding out I'm a diabetic, and then a few other things because I think they're unhealthy (like diet soda). I need at least a couple of "comfort" foods. I'm keeping cheese and the occasional coffee. Olive, I feel you, and I'm sending good thoughts to you, too! And I like your profile pic.

Today we went to a diner down the street for breakfast. I had a cheese omelet with sausage, and cinnamon coffee with cream. That diner has the best coffee. For lunch I had a green tea drink I make with HWC and ice, and a couple slices of Swiss. I was doing some chores around the house all afternoon, so I didn't want much to eat. For dinner, we had the same as last night. It was so good, we had to get it again. lol I hate to go out to eat twice in a day, but it was worth it. I doubt we'll be doing that again next weekend. It gets too pricey.

Anyway, this morning I was surprised to see that the scale had gone down, despite the fact that I ate a large dinner and snack last night, and also ate later than I usually do. I was very pleased with that. My jeans are feeling pretty loose today. I guess I should take some measurements soon.
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Old 04-13-2014, 10:00 PM   #13
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I did okay today, but I think I had too much Zevia. I drank four cans today. I usually stick to one at a time, and even then, only a couple of times a week. Not sure why I was craving them so badly today. Anyway, that's sixteen carbs right there. Oops. I think I will go totally without them for a few days, and just stick to tea and water.

Skipped breakfast because I had to work this morning. I had a grilled chicken salad with bacon, a little cheese, egg, and bleu cheese dressing for lunch. For dinner I had an American and Swiss omelet, four slices of bacon, and a small side salad.

I feel a little full and bloated tonight. I think it's a combination of too much Zevia, too much salad dressing, and the fact that I'm in the early stages of PMS.

I admit I have a problem with salad dressing. Sometimes I go crazy with it, particularly bleu cheese or ranch. That's another thing I need to keep in check. Certain things make me overeat, and that's one of them. I might cut out the nightly side salad once I run out of the ingredients. I think I'll switch to having other vegetables for a while. But anyway, the tasty side salads have helped me transition back to this WOE, so I appreciate them for that. At some point I'll try it again, but with healthier, homemade dressings. I do buy a decent quality brand at the store, but I know their products are still full of canola oil and are just another processed food to hook you.

Anyway, tomorrow's another day. Today wasn't bad, just a little too indulgent. Oh, and I just remembered why I ended up drinking four cans of Zevia. I am on an antibiotic until Friday, and it tastes HORRIBLE. I wash it down with the Zevia to mask the flavor a bit. So, I had one early this morning when I took my medication. Yuck. Guess I won't have that option tomorrow. Back to gagging.

Last edited by seaofsand; 04-13-2014 at 10:03 PM..
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Old 04-14-2014, 07:31 PM   #14
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For lunch today, I had eggs with butter, a small salad, and coffee with HWC. For dinner, I made German meatballs again, with mashed cauliflower on the side. I think I might have a little more coffee because I need to do some reading tonight, and I'm tired.

When I ate my salad today, I didn't go as crazy with the salad dressing. On that note, my husband bought some garlic-infused liquid coconut oil. Next week, I might try making my own dressing from that. I haven't tasted it yet, but it smells great.

Still feeling a little bloated and "blah" tonight, but like I wrote yesterday, it's PMS time. And I'll be glad when I'm off this medication. Only a few more days.
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Old 04-21-2014, 08:37 PM   #15
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Well, I'm back. I didn't post for a week because I had to get a new computer. I've been sticking to this WOE strictly since the last time I posted. No cheats or slips. I'm also still going to martial arts classes.

I haven't had any new weight loss on the scale, but my clothes feel looser and I just feel lighter in general. I'm not sure why the scale isn't reflecting that, but I'm trying not to worry about that one particular number. I know it will get moving eventually. The slow-moving pounds could even be from gaining a bit of muscle. We do a lot of pushups and situps in my classes, and I've been sedentary for so long that I'm sure I am slowly building back some muscle.

I do think I've been eating too much dairy this week. When I first came back to LC eating, I went dairy crazy because I hadn't had it in a long time. But now I think it could be another thing that's stalling me. I'll have to make some adjustments there.

For breakfast, I had two slices of Swiss cheese. I was on the run. For lunch, I had a few pork rinds and a batch of cream cheese dip I made to go with them. For dinner, I had a small salad and Broccoli Beef Alfredo from Linda's low carb recipes. All delicious, but too much dairy. I think I'm going to start incorporating eggs more heavily into my daily diet.
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Old 04-22-2014, 05:36 PM   #16
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I ate half a grilled chicken salad with ranch for lunch. I only ate half of it because it wasn't very good, and I wasn't very hungry to start with. I ordered it at a restaurant, and they gave me cajun chicken that was coated with seasoning. I ordered it plain. They also left off the bacon and egg, which I certainly wanted, so I was left with a ton of lettuce and some over-seasoned chicken. And there was a tiny bug crawling around the side of the salad bowl. Not the best lunch I've had recently. I came home from work and had drink that I make sometimes with matcha green tea, HWC, and ice. For dinner, we're having Broccoli Beef Alfredo leftovers and salad, and I'll probably have a cup of coffee after that.

I have been drinking a lot of unsweetened tea this week, but that's better than diet soda, which is what I used to drink by the liter every day. I haven't had a diet soda in about six weeks. I do have Zevia sometimes, but I've also cut back on those.

My weight is exactly the same today, but hey, at least it hasn't gone up, and neither have my measurements. I want to start adding more exercise into my routine. I bought the Callanetics DVD everyone raves about, and we finally got our TV set up in a place where I'll have more room to work out with it. Adding that to my martial arts, and including playing with our new dog, I think I'll be getting enough exercise. Considering that I've hardly exercised at all since 2010, this is a huge improvement for me.

For anyone who reads this journal, I highly recommend martial arts. My husband and I are taking kung fu, and at first I wasn't sure I would like it. I thought I would be too self-conscious because I am so out-of-shape, and because most of the people there are fit and limber. And most of the people there are men. It took me a while to get over all of that. During warm-ups, especially, I feel like I'm so behind everyone else. I can barely do the sit-ups and push-ups. But on the plus side, I'm getting better with every class, and I'm learning to do some things I didn't think I could do. I'm slowly starting to feel more confident because of it, and I care less and less each time how I look. It also feels good to know that I can walk in public without fear, because now I know quite a few self-defense techniques, and I'm still just a white belt. So, if any of you ladies (or men) out there are looking for a way to exercise and build confidence, I strongly recommend finding a good martial arts school!
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Old 04-23-2014, 09:01 PM   #17
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I didn't weigh myself today. I think I need to quit doing it every day. It just becomes frustrating, and there's really no reason for that. I think I'll cut down to two or three times a week, and measure once a week.

I'm having a little trouble with constipation, which is almost always a problem for me when I'm eating LC. I've been eating salad almost every day, but I guess I still need to add in a bit more fiber and water.

Today, for lunch, I had a medium-sized salad with a mix of lettuce, tomatoes, onion, parmesan, and bleu cheese dressing. For dinner, I had a two-egg omelet with Swiss and American cheese, cooked in coconut oil, with four strips of bacon. Then I had a cup of coffee with a splash of HWC. I'm about to have a plain cup of hot tea to get me through some reading I need to do.

I know I'm not drinking enough water, as I mentioned up top. In the mornings, I take a standard-sized bottle of water with me, which I usually finish before lunchtime. But that's all the water I have all day, and then I drink tea. I just don't feel very thirsty most of the time, and when I do, I crave iced tea.

Anyway, that's my check-in for today. Nothing has really changed physically, but in general, I feel better eating LC than I do eating any other way. Carbs are hell on my body.
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Old 04-25-2014, 04:05 PM   #18
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I weighed myself today, and I've lost two more pounds. That puts me at thirteen pounds in eighteen days. Those pounds came off quicker than the last time I switched to low carb. I think I am doing it better this time, and the exercise has got to be helping, too.

Physically I feel about the same. Generally lighter, and my clothes fit looser. I am looking forward to getting back into my favorite jeans. I got into them last fall. I'm hoping to be able to wear them this summer. I'm very, very tired, but it's been a stressful week, and I've been getting crappy sleep. I don't think my diet has anything to do with that feeling.

I was thinking about it the other day. I have not worn shorts or a skirt in over fifteen years. I wear long pants every single day, because I am so self-conscious about my legs. Whenever I look at my legs, to me they just look fat and unshapely. I hide them. I also have some eczema on my lower legs. Unfortunately, one of the only things that has ever helped with that is sunlight, and my legs haven't seen the light of day in a long, long time. Anyway, I am so tired of watching other people run around in shorts when it's hot, and I live in the desert. One of my personal goals is to be able to feel comfortable in shorts by the end of this summer. I know it won't happen right away, but I would love to get that confidence back. And also start wearing skirts again. My husband always says he likes my legs, but I don't get it. To me they are ugly. Then again, in my mind, every part of my body is ugly. This is why I've been in therapy for a few months. *sigh*

I had some cheese and nuts for lunch this afternoon. I have no idea what we're having for dinner tonight. We might go back to the Mexican place with the low carb menu.
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Old 04-25-2014, 09:58 PM   #19
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We ended up going to a Chinese buffet for dinner. My husband was craving it. He's not LC. They have a grill there, so I got chicken and mushrooms stir-fried with hot peppers and garlic in butter. I told the cook not to add sauce because I had no idea which ones had added sugar in those unmarked plastic bottles. I added a dash of soy sauce at the table, and it was pretty good. Then I went back and got a small piece of baked salmon. Luckily it wasn't sweet at all, just very salty and dry. I think I kept it about as LC as you can at a Chinese buffet, considering almost everything there has added sugar and cornstarch. I had plain iced tea to drink. Not a bad dinner.
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Old 04-26-2014, 08:43 PM   #20
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We went to martial arts class this morning. After that, we went to our Saturday morning diner, and I had a Denver omelet (two eggs, Cheddar, diced onions, and diced bell pepper) and coffee. I worked around the house most of the afternoon. For dinner, we went to Jimmy Johns where I got a "Gargantuan" lettuce wrap and a big pickle. That was delicious. We really need to quit eating out twice in one day on the weekends, but man, this was worth it. I highly recommend trying one of their lettuce wraps if you haven't.

Today, more than any other day since going LC again, I just feel smaller. Maybe I should measure myself. I'm not going to weigh myself again until Monday, but I'm kind of looking forward to it. I've been trying, in general, just to eat less. Not cram myself full at every meal, but stop when I've had enough, and also do less snacking between meals. I think this is really helping.
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Old 04-28-2014, 10:21 PM   #21
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Breakfast today was a handful of almonds and some unsweetened iced tea. Lunch was three eggs fried in butter with two sausage patties. Dinner was meatballs in alfredo sauce over spaghetti squash, with a can of grapefruit Zevia to drink. Now I'm having a cup of coffee while I get some work done.

I'm not sure why, but I feel kind of bloated today. I weighed myself this morning, expecting a small loss from a weekend of keeping my eating in check, and I was up a pound. Ugh. I can't think of any reason why this would be, so I guess it's just one of those things. Oh, well. Tomorrow is another day. I'm not going to stress over it.

We have some family coming to stay with us at the end of May for about five days. I am already assuming there will be some cheat days during that week, but I'm trying now to plan how I will handle it. The two people coming are about 20 years old and live off junk food. When we asked what they like to eat so we can stock the fridge, they said: "Pizza rolls." *sigh* I'm okay with allowing myself to go off plan a little, but I don't want to go completely nuts like I've been known to do in the past. I figure if I can plan how to handle it now, I won't spontaneously decide to eat everything in sight that week. And I want to be sure I restrict any off-plan eating to do those five days only, and not the entire month of June. In the past, sometimes a cheat day turned into a cheat month, and that is never a good thing. I have to make an agreement with myself long before they get here.
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Old 04-30-2014, 09:27 PM   #22
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I did an inadvertent egg/meat fast today, simply because there was nothing else in the house to cook. For lunch I had four eggs fried in butter with four strips of bacon. For dinner, four eggs fried in butter with two sausage patties. I had tea to drink with lunch, and coffee with a splash of HWC to drink with dinner. I've noticed that when I do the egg/meat fast, I don't feel as ravenous as I usually do. I guess the heavy fat and protein just cut off my hunger, and I usually have a big appetite.

I'm probably going to eat the same thing for dinner tomorrow, because I don't want to go to the store for anything else.

I weighed myself today. The scale still hasn't budged. Not sure why I'm a bit stuck right now, but overall I still feel better, so I'm sticking with it. I am sure that the scale will start moving soon. My measurements also haven't changed lately, but so far I've only been measuring my waist. And as most of you have experienced, the belly is the last thing to go. Maybe I am losing inches on other body parts. My legs, butt, and breasts tend to lose first, which is the exact opposite of what I wish would happen. I start to look disproportionate, which I hate, but I know that the belly will eventually catch up with the rest of me.

It's funny, though. While the scale hasn't moved, and my waist measurement hasn't changed in a couple of weeks, I looked in the mirror today while standing in my underwear, and my hips looked a tiny bit more defined and round. I don't know how that works, but it encouraged me. I have always hated my shape. I am 5'7", so a little taller than average, but my torso is long and my legs are too short, in my opinion. This just accentuates the fact that I have a big belly. I'm a diabetic, and I store most of my fat in my midsection and upper arms. I feel like my proportions are horrible. I have a hard time finding clothes that flatter me or even fit properly. When I lost over thirty pounds four years ago, I shrunk almost two sizes, but my stomach was still too big for the rest of me. It was so frustrating. You know, I could handle being overweight if I just had decent proportions, but I don't. A lot of bigger women look really good because they carry it well. I am not one of those women. My shape is not feminine, and it makes me so self-conscious. My husband always tells me I look perfectly fine to him, but all I can do is criticize myself. I wish I could learn to accept myself while I'm still young so that maybe I can enjoy life and not die with a lot of regrets. It's just so hard to do when you've been told all your life, by people you know as well as society in general, that you're just fat and nothing else.
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Old 05-01-2014, 06:29 PM   #23
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The scale is still in the exact same spot. It hasn't fluctuated one way or the other. I said the other day I wouldn't weigh myself daily, but I've been so curious because it's been a while since I saw any movement.

My next doctor's appointment is on Monday. We're going to talk about putting me back on metformin, and frankly, I cannot wait. I am a type two diabetic, and I also have every sign of having hormone problems. My gynecologist says I do not have PCOS, but she never ran any official tests, so I still have my suspicions. I have many of the classic symptoms of it. Anyway, four years ago, I went on metformin and lost thirty pounds. It was like a miracle drug for me. It worked so well that my doctor at the time took me off of it because she thought I didn't need it anymore. Well, after gaining back the weight over the last couple of years, and getting my lab results back three weeks ago, I would say I need it again. This is a new doctor for me, and I'm praying she will agree with me on this. I truly believe I need to be on metformin again.

For lunch today I had a 1/2 pound burger with cheese, mushrooms, green chile, guacamole, and bacon. No bun. Iced tea to drink. For dinner, four fried eggs in butter with sausage again. Coffee with HWC to drink. I bought some La Croix soda today. It's just flavored carbonated water. No sweetener at all. I'm trying to break myself of the Zevia addiction I've developed. This new stuff takes some getting used to, but I like it. I think it will be great ice cold on a hot day.
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Old 05-02-2014, 11:25 PM   #24
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I had a chef's salad for lunch with blue cheese, then a Jimmy John's "unwich" for dinner with a large pickle. I had a few pork rinds for a snack later. Two cans of soda and some water to drink today.

I am so exhausted tonight, and have martial arts in the morning. On a positive note, I'll be testing to yellow belt from white, so that'll be fun. I wish I could fast forward through the next two weeks. I have papers to write and finals, and I'm running myself ragged.
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Old 05-03-2014, 12:23 PM   #25
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We overslept this morning, so we decided not to go to class because they don't like it much when people come in more than five minutes late. Ugh. We were both dead to the world this morning. So, I will be testing either Tuesday or next Saturday. To make up for it, we stayed home and had our own class for 90 minutes, so I still got the exercise in. And I got to work on the material I will need to do for my test. We went to the diner afterwards, and I had a two-egg omelet with sausage and cheese, and three cups of coffee. I think I needed that extra jolt today. I am running on empty and so tired all the time. We're having a couple of friends over tonight, and I need to clean the house, and do some work on a paper that's due Monday. Man, I can't wait until this semester is over in two weeks. My free time will increase, my stress will decrease, and I'll have more time to rest.

I may do an egg/meat fast this weekend. I see the doctor on Monday, and I'm hoping to be as light as possible when I go. The egg fasts always make me feel like I've lost weight, even when I haven't. lol

On a personal, not so pleasant note, the constipation monster is back. I need to work on that. It happens every time I go on a LC diet for a long stretch. The egg fast probably isn't going to help with that, but I'll try to increase my water intake.
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Old 05-06-2014, 10:00 AM   #26
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I went to the doctor yesterday for my diabetes checkup. It went fine. I'm back on metformin, which I'm hoping will speed the weight loss for me as it did a few years ago. We'll see. I took my first pill last night, and I'm about to take my second one. I'm really looking forward to seeing better results. I hope I get them.

When the nurse checked me in, she put me on the scale. It was the old-fashioned kind, not a digital scale. She said, "What are you, about 140?" And she set the balance to 140. I laughed uncomfortably because I thought she was teasing me, and then I started to feel angry. I've had judgmental doctors and nurses before, and I didn't want to hear it. I looked at her and said, "Are you serious?" And she gave me a completely blank stare. I said, "Try 220." With my clothes and shoes on, and not having gone to the bathroom in about three days (constipation sucks), my weight was 227. The nurse said, "Wow, I NEVER would have guessed you were over 200 pounds." She seemed honestly surprised and a little weirded out. How in the world she could be 80 pounds off on her original guess, I don't know. But I guess it's good to know that I don't look as heavy as I feel like I do. I've been told that a few times. I always feel like I carry my weight horribly, as most of it is in my midsection, but maybe my body image is off. Well, not maybe. This is one of the reasons I'm in therapy.

I just came from therapy. One of the things we talked about is why I sometimes fear becoming thin. I know a lot of people on this forum have that fear, for whatever reason. A lot of us have used weight as a shield. In my case, it's been a shield, and it's also been a form of rebellion. My old-fashioned Southern family was always so picky about a woman's weight that, in a way, I felt like I was rebelling against them by refusing to become thin. Unfortunately, that attitude was to my detriment. I have health problems now, and my family just looks down on me for it, although probably less now than they used to.

I do have a fear of becoming thin and being more attractive. Being a nice-looking, thin child was positive for me until the point I was abused. After that, I started putting on weight to protect myself. I also became a secret binge eater. Since my family thought it was the worst thing in the world for a woman to have a big appetite, I would just hide junk food in my bedroom and go crazy when no one was around. I gained about 50 pounds during my senior year of high school, which is a horrible time for an 18-year-old girl to gain weight. I was ridiculed on a daily basis to the point that I ended up at the doctor with a hiatal hernia from the stress, which I'm sure was exacerbated by the weight gain. The point is that I have had a constant struggle since puberty with wanting to be thin, but also being terribly afraid of what will happen. It's like I just don't want people to see the real me anymore. But, I also know that I need to get over this feeling because now is the time. I have my chance again, going low carb and being back on metformin, and I need to do it now. Somehow.
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Old 05-06-2014, 09:13 PM   #27
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For the last couple of days, I've noticed that my bra feels loose. I thought this one was just getting old. So, I measured myself earlier, and I've lost two inches from my band size. So, my bra is too loose now, but my pants are still fitting about the same. Ugh. I would give anything to get rid of this midsection fat, and it just won't budge.
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Old 05-06-2014, 10:02 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seaofsand View Post
For the last couple of days, I've noticed that my bra feels loose. I thought this one was just getting old. So, I measured myself earlier, and I've lost two inches from my band size. So, my bra is too loose now, but my pants are still fitting about the same. Ugh. I would give anything to get rid of this midsection fat, and it just won't budge
Another thing that could have come from my mouth. My bras def. got loose before anything else and started falling off. I had to buy some cheap ones that I really hate but I don't know where I'm going to end up. I don't mind losing "the girls" really, but my midsection isn't giving up the belly fat either. And I know it's the visceral fat, the really dangerous kind that I'm doing this all for in the first place!! Surely it has to come off eventually ... but when?


Hm, I missed the martial arts thing when I perused this thread before. I think that sounds like fun!
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Old 05-07-2014, 07:26 PM   #29
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hi, reading your journal. Can totally relate with you. I have been logging 45 days now and I have lost 22 lbs, still its a struggle every day. I was learning today about a egg fast, just eating eggs for two days but then in every way or form you might like it. Not adding to many carbs, but keeping low low carb. It seems to help sometimes with stalls....just wanted to put that out there for you.

I to get "backed up" I now take the wellness lax tea that really does wonders. I take it before going to bed and have results in the morning :-) maybe that is a tip that you can work with as well.
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Old 05-07-2014, 11:46 PM   #30
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Thanks for the responses, Madmarsha and chocgirl.

Madmarsha, yeah, it's so frustrating when you lose in the "wrong" places. My bust and butt are shrinking, while my belly has stayed the same. Not a cute look. I know my gut will shrink at some point, but like you said, WHEN? I wish I had some magical gut-shrinking fairy dust...

Chocgirl, thanks for the tip on the tea. I might need to look into that. Some weeks I get "backed up" worse than others, but this week has been particularly bad. I have tried the egg fast before, and it does work. I did it a couple of weeks ago over a weekend and lost a couple of pounds.

Today was a weird day for me as far as my schedule went, so my eating was also weird. For lunch, the only thing I could find to eat where I was, was a small bag of cashews. I know those aren't ideal nuts for us, but it's the best choice I had today. When I got home later, I had some pork rinds and cream cheese dip. I crashed and slept through dinnertime. When I woke up, I had plain yogurt with about half a cup of raspberries. Now that I am back on metformin, I am allowing myself to have berries here and there. When I was on it four years ago, I was able to eat low GI fruit and still lose a lot of weight while keeping my BG in the normal range. So I'm going to experiment and see how that goes this time. I am not on Atkins, so my rules are more flexible. I have cut out all bread, starchy vegetables, and sugar; but other than that, I am not on any particular plan. Just seeing what works and what doesn't. Fruit is never going to be a daily thing for me, but sometimes it feels good to have small doses of it.
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