Shari's "It's about time" Journal!
I'm not sure where to start! These past 9 months have been a real roller coaster ride for me & my family. And of course, stress makes me eat, eating makes me gain weight, gaining weight makes me mad at myself, being mad at myself causes me to be depressed & so it's a vicious circle called life! Ugh! I come here from time to time to read & gain inspiration. But, I don't join in because I am ashamed.
Last summer, in July, my husband & I went on a cruise. We hadn't had a vacation in 5 years. It's been difficult to leave our son because we didn't have anyone we could trust with his care. Now we have caregivers who are wonderful with him. Actually, they have been a God-send!! :) Bill & I went on a 5 day cruise & loved it!! We didn't stay on plan & went right back on track when we returned home. So far, so good. We discussed going on another cruise as this one had gone so well. We got an opportunity to go on a 7 day cruise in October, so we booked it. But, in September, our son became very ill with kidney stoness. Plus, he had pneumonia. He was transferred from our local hospital to a larger one. He was placed on a respirator in ICU. He only needed that for 24 hours but was in the hospital for 4 days. Since then, he's had 2 lithotripsy's to break up the stones in his right kidney. Bill & I went on our cruise in October; but, we were concerned about our son & we didn't really enjoy it as much as we had the one in July. :( Our doctor had said that our son was well enough for us to go. By December, he became very ill again. No pain medication helped him, so back to the hospital we went. A CT Scan showed a very large hematoma on his right kidney. No wonder he was in such pain. He stayed in the hospital 4 days. He's had several kidney infections since then. We haven't even touched the kidney stones in his left kidney yet! :( He see's the urologist again in July & we just hope & pray that he doesn't get really sick in the meantime. Right now, he is doing really well! :)
I lost an uncle from Parkinson's a few months ago.
My BIL had a kidney transplant in January! He had been on dialysis for 8 years!! He is doing very well, too! :jumpjoy:
My parents are getting frail by the day. Mother can barely walk & she falls alot. Trying to get her to use her walker or getting a wheel chair is like pulling teeth. Especially when Daddy says he can "hang on to" her! He falls some, too! He is 84, she is 83. Daddy is beginning to get "lost" at times when he drives. My sisters & I are at the point where discussing how we can take his keys away from him puts terror in our hearts! He won't like it one bit! But, the possibilities of what could happen to him need to be addressed. My middle sister lives close to them, so most of their care falls on her shoulders. I live so far away & have my son to care for. So, I'm not much help. My youngest sister lives out of state.
My daughter is expecting her second child in July. She was told she would never be able to have children! Her health is really bad! She has thyroid cancer & needs further treatment including surgery. She has seizures, too. And is diabetic. Her oldest son is just over 2 years old. She's decided to have her tubes tied when this baby is born!:clap:
I just found out that my 17 year old granddaughter is pregnant & expecting in August. So, now I get to be a great grandmother. Oh geez!! No, she isn't married & is a senior in high school.
So much for being retired, huh? :) My doctor changed my antidepressant 3 months ago & it hasn't helped much. A little, not much tho. I see him again this Monday & we will talk about it again. He diagnosed me as pre-diabetic 3 months ago, too. So, I really need to lose this weight again! I'm back at 181!! Dang it!! I gained back up to 190 & said enough is enough. I can't believe I had dropped to 140 & now have 40 pounds to lose, AGAIN!!! I've been JUDDing for a couple of months & have lost 9 pounds. But, I 've been thinking about going low carb again. I also just read the book by the Dr.s Richard & Rachael Heller called The Stress Eating Cure. I know I have a major issue with carbs & every time I go off plan, I dive head first right into the carbs! Ugh!! But, mostly, I'm just driving myself crazy with how to eat for me that is the best!
Anyway, I would love to join back in with the JUDDD gals(and guys). I gained so much support there for almost a year. I feel safe there, too. I am still friends with some of them on facebook so have been able to keep up a little bit with some of them. I want to be like Dawn, Cindy & Carly when I grow up! Shoot! I'm gonna be 65 next month!! How much more grown up do I need to be??! :annoyed:
I hope this all doesn't sound too much like I'm on my pitty pot. :cry: I just know from the past, writing my feelings down helps alot! And writing it all down here, keeps me from driving every one crazy on the forum. :dunno:
The weight banner is wrong! I haven't changed it yet.
Shari, I'm glad you've come back. I see you on FB every now and then and wondered how you were doing. You were such a JUDDD success story before, and I know you can do it again!
:welcome: back and loads of :hugs:!
Jump in with both feet- like it seems you have. You can do this- you've done it before!!!!!
Life has not been easy for you at all......:hugs:won't cure things, but just know that we would do anything we could to help you.
We'll look forward to your posts and rejoining this WOL.
I know what you mean about doing it AGAIN, Shari. I hate having to re-lose weight I've lost before. Seems like such a waste. But life does happen, and we have to be ready for that to happen to us every now and then. The alternative is NOT a good one - to give up and keep gaining. Not anymore!
I hope that new Rx will do the trick for you. How's JUDDD feeling for you so far?
Hopefully the new med will help with my eating issues as well!
JUDDD feels "right"! I've never had a woe that has been so easy. That is unless I complicate it & get in my own way! I am prone to do that often! Ugh!!
My new med is really an old med with a stronger dose! I took it years ago with very good results until it stopped working. I feel like it's working already!!!! :clap:I've had more energy & even lost a few pounds since last Monday! :jumpjoy: And I have been eating good too!
I got a new puppy Friday, too! I have a 3 year old maltese. My son is a breeder & he had a customer bring their 5 month old maltese back due to a family tragedy. He asked if I wanted her & of course I did. These 2 sisters are so funny & cute at the same time. The little one only weighs 4.25 lbs. & the older one weighs about 9 lbs. Lexi, the older dog isn't sure she likes sharing her family with this new comer! They are playing and sharing toys; but, neither one wants to sleep in the same bed a night!! :laugh: It will happen with time I bet!! Anyway, I've been super busy & didn't make it here much the past couple of days. So, I need to read posts to catch up with everyone. I'm so happy to be back with all the JB's! :heart:
I think a picture or two of those pups is in order! I'm a sucker for a cute doggie!
You are really coming back to JUDDD with a bang! Wonderful news. It sure makes it easier to stick with it when you see results right away. You're going to be back at your goal weight before you know it!
Thank you, Carol! :hugs: Pictures of pups coming soon! :)
Below is a copy of my weight loss since January. I really have been slow with my losses this time. I started JUDDD in February, March was a really slow month; but, April has been so much better!
January 2014 Weight Loss
I'm beginning only low carb to start. I hope to move to JUDDD once the carb cravings are silenced.
FEBRUARY WEIGH IN
FEB 5----------189.8---DD----START DAY!
MARCH WEIGH IN
APRIL WEIGHT 2014
Goal is to lose 5lbs. So, 178.0
Today is a cooler day here with a bit of rain. We need the rain so desperately! We've been in such a drought the past few years. :(
My phone keeps ringing!! So, I'm outta here for now! :hiya:
I can't wait to see pictures of the puppy/dog. I :heart: Maltese.
As you see by the date, I am not very good at keeping a journal. But, today I need a place to put my thoughts & so, here I am.
My doctor has been changing & adjusting my antidepressant since January. This last change 2 weeks ago has left me feeling so much anxiety & rage as to scare the crap out of me. :cry: I talked to the nurse yesterday after I had contacted the dr's office & leaving a message. She called to tell me the doctor wants to increase the medication he put me on 2 weeks ago. She says that what I'm feeling is withdrawal from the last medication & this med isn't strong enough. Well, that's just great! I wasn't warned about this possibility! :mad: I've been on some form of antidepressant for years & I've never had this problem. The antidepressant I was on before January made me feel nothing. And I do mean nothing! I could sit in a chair all day & not move & it was ok with me!! That is not who I am! So, my doc changed it to something that was the same drug just tweaked a bit. It did no good either. The AD he put me on 2 weeks ago is one I took for years with great success. He just increased the dosage since at one point after years of use, it had stopped working for me.
I'm going backwards in my weight loss right now! Ugh! I'm not ok with that; but, it is what it is. I read on the JUDDD forum this morning of some books that may help me. I hope my brain isn't too scattered to read any of them. At my age, I had thought all of this was behind me. I just have to hope & pray that given time, this medication will work & I can once again find peace in my head.
People tell me that with all that my life entails, that it's a wonder I have held it together all of these years. But, God has been good to me! It's because of Him that I've made it thru. Now, I just need a bit more help & I'm getting it. Change isn't always easy for me & I want it to be easy! Ha!!
Taking care of my 26 year old son who is quadriplegic is a full time job. My DH is the best help-mate I could ever ask for! :love: Until 3 years ago, we were our son's total caregivers. But, we found a wonderful lady to come work with C. She comes 25 hours a week to work with him. She actually shares the time with 2 of her sons who also work with C. We have been so blessed by this family. She is the wife of a minister & her sons are in college & come spend a few hours a week to work with C. It's like their family has taken C under their wings & can give him what DH & I can't(or don't have the energy for)......like trips to town, going to church a few times a month, shopping trips when he wants to buy something for gifts for people, etc.
I need to give my new puppy back to my oldest son. :( She is just too much for me right now. I love her & think she is just the sweetest thing; but, she isn't housebroken & I don't much like stepping in poop & pee all the time. :down:
My middle son, S, is up for parole since October & they usually make a decision by January. He has been in 22 years & only has 3 left to serve on his sentence. He is incarcerated for a crime he did not commit. (long, long story!!) He is also 1 of my 2 special needs children. He is 40. So, all of his adult life has been lost. He wants to come home; but, I'm not sure the state will approve or that DH & I can deal with all of his issues.
Well, all of this may seem scattered. But, that's what's up with me today. There's more; but, my head can only manage just so much at a time.
I need to run to the grocery store & feed store now. Life goes on! God is good!:heart:
So sorry you've been through so much. :console: It's amazing you're doing as well as you are. Hang in there!
:console: :heart: :hugs: :aprayer:
Shari - :hugs::notwrthy::love:
You certainly have had more than your share of difficulties. It's a lot to deal with, what you've got on your plate. I'm so glad you can see the blessings you have too. And it does sound like there are lots of them too.
I'm so sorry about your middle son's situation. That must be a heartbreak for you all to have had that happen to him. I know you want him out of there, but I can understand not being sure about how to handle the change that will be for everyone in the family.
Losing weight under stressful circumstances is so tough! I don't have much to offer except :hugs: and support. You are one amazing lady!
Thank you CC, Carly & Carol for your love & support! :hugs: I've always heard that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. But, sometimes I think He has me mixed up with someone else! :dunno:
I don't like to share all of these parts of my life on the rest of the forums. But, I guess it's ok here?
Yesterday I went to the grocery store & got feed for my chickens. I also picked up my new antidepressant that is stronger than what I was on. My fingers are crossed that my doctor is on the right track!
I also did some reading about hunger driven eating & intuitive eating. This all sounds like the way I used to eat when I was skinny. Up until my mid 30's, I was naturally thin. Then, I became anorexic for a couple of years. I was in therapy & then, I met my current DH. After I had my youngest son at the age of 38, a breast biopsy at 40 & a hysterectomy at 41, my weight began to increase. At about 45 my triglycerides elevated to nearly 1300!! My doctor put me on my first diet(low carb) & the cycle began. I have a sister who has dieted most of her adult life; but, I never understood what she was dealing with. I do now. It seems to be a vicious cycle of dieting & gaining!
I understand that I have a history with an eating disorder. But, not everyone who overeats does. Do they? I am off to read more on the forums. And to decide if I want to buy some of the books I've read about. I just get so tired of thinking about food constantly! :down:
I don't believe that I have ever had an eating disorder. But I do know that I sometimes do have disordered eating, if that makes sense. I've never had anything as uncontrollable as anorexia, or bulimia, or serious bingeing. I have just eaten too much of the wrong things too much of the time. I am truly grateful I haven't suffered from any of the more serious EDs. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that.
I know not everyone has an eating disorder! Mine stemmed from my childhood & hearing my mother complain about my dad's sister & her eating like a "pig" & that she was "gobby fat"! Those were the word's she used & I guess I was terrified of being like my aunt. I think I had an eating disorder for years before realizing it. But, when I began to gain weight I was terrified of being fat!
Did my mother intend to give me such an awful fear? No, of course she didn't . But, she was always very, very thin & that was what I thought I needed to be. So, I stopped eating & the rest is history. It took lots of therapy for me to see all of this. I had wonderful friends who saw what was happening & they helped me to see & so I asked for help. I no longer live anywhere near those friends or professionals. But, I am blessed to find new ones here. And you are giving me new tools to put in my toolbox! ;)
Low carb for life
I too have an eating disorder and am a food addict. I have lost and gained the same weight too a lot the same 15 25 etc lbs. a friend told me recently that once u turn 40 u just can't eat carbs anymore. Well I am taking that to heart and back on low carb. Like under 20 a day. I'm not counting. So it is not a diet this time. It is a way of life for me I am 51. Not too overweight but want to be a bit less.
So keep it up.
I became severely anorexic when I was 16 yrs old. I weighed 92 pounds until I was 21 yrs old when the sleepwalk eating started. That is another long story for another time. I've never been an over-eater except in my darn sleep! Talk about infuriating!!! I got most of my eating disorder messages from my mother, too.
Never skinny enough, never pretty enough, never smart enough, etc...
I just wanted to be perfect, make my parents happy and get the heck out of their home as soon as I graduated high school. I know they meant best and that they love me, but they do seem to love me quite a bit more when I am slender.
CC, Carol, Steph & Carly!! :hugs::hugs: I hate that you all really understand where I'm coming from.........cause you've been there! But, I'm so happy you've stopped by to share with me. Thank you so much!:heart:
Yep, we're all in this together. Through thick and thin!
Yesterday was a total bust! I tried to do hunger driven eating & it worked until night time. :( I ate a yogurt mid morning yesterday. That was all that I wanted. My DH had left a note asking me to go out to eat with him when he returned from work. We went to our favorite Mexican restaurant & I ordered just what I wanted. I didn't want beans & rice like I usually have with my meal. I ordered a tamale, an enchilada, a taco with a small side of guacamole. Perfect!! I ate all but part of the enchilada. I also ate tortilla chips with my guacamole. I wanted something sweet, so I stopped and bought ONE candy bar. I came home, sat in my rocker & enjoyed every bite, with no guilt. :clap:
Then, for dinner, DH wasn't hungry; but, I wanted some biscuits & gravy. So did my son. So, I opened a can of biscuits(they were easy!) & made gravy. They were delicious! After everyone else had gone to bed, I ate some bean chips(supposed to be healthier) with cheese dip. But, then I dove head first into a carton of milk chocolate ice cream! :cry: So much for HDE!!
I need to sit & read my books today! Taking time to turn off the tv, let the trainer work with my son & concentrating on the book is in order! I started "How to have your cake......" yesterday & from what I've read, it's talking about me!! Now, I just have to slow down & read it!
I have so much to learn! :dunno:
I know it's tempting to feel like the whole day was a bust, but really, you did GREAT for nearly the whole day! I think you can count that as progress in learning this new technique. I'm no expert on this whole HDE thing, but we can't expect to have it down perfectly right from the start.
Pat yourself on the back, brush off the crumbs (or wipe off the drips of ice cream) and move on forward!:shake:
:goodpost: I second that!
Shari - dunno if you got to the part of Skinny Jeans where she talks about learning this is like a toddler learning to walk. It doesn't happen on the first try, and we give the toddler all the love and support and encouragement until they finally get it. You'll get the hang of it yet!
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