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Old 04-02-2014, 03:24 PM   #1
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CherylB's "enough fooling around" Journal

It's April 2, 2014. This is no April Fool's joke. I'm tired of being the fat woman in the room. I'm tired of having nothing that fits my body. I'm tired of being afraid to show my skin. Tired of sweating too much (now that Winter's over [finally!], the sweating will begin). Tired of seeing year after year go by and having to admit I keep blowing it.

So, I'll try to use this journal for just diet/health chatting. I know I fall into talking about farm drama but I'll see if I can separate the two. This journal should be short but packed with good weight loss results. In fact, I'm going to see how few pages I can use before I get to goal weight.

I'm currently 229.4. I am writing what I eat and drink in a paper journal as I always did back when I was dieting successfully. I'm doing a combination of things but the gist of it is lower calories and no starch or sugar. There will be times (family functions) where I will indulge to be a part of the event. Whenever I have "been good" and not eaten along with everyone else, I felt good about it in that moment but a day or two after, I blew it. I guess I felt I'd earned it. And most times, that would lead into a long stretch of binge eating.

So knowing this about myself, I will just go with it. I haven't got a goal date and frankly, I don't have a goal weight either. Last time, I set 140 as goal but I was feeling so good when I hit 159 (for a few minutes), I could have lingered there for quite a while, practicing maintenance before going any lower. Perhaps I will take that approach.

I'll take it in small goals. My first one is just to get below 200 again. I know how much better I feel just being under 200 and it's been well over a year since I have felt that feeling. So, that is where I'm headed first.

For those of you who have known me for a while, I know you will be cheering me on. I will try to accept the praise and encouragement and just let go of the "shame" that comes from regaining what you lost. I can't think of a better word than shame, so I'll just use it and I'm sure you'll get my meaning. It really is a terrible thing to regain when you never thought there was a chance in hades that you would. Never say never.

So, let's begin. Lord, give me the Grace that it will take to move through these stages and cross these small goal lines and do it with the most humility and gratitude that I can muster. Remind me how far I've come and don't let me dwell on how far back I've fallen. It doesn't matter at all. All that matters is where I am today and what I do today to get healthier by tomorrow. Amen.
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Old 04-02-2014, 03:34 PM   #2
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Hi Cheryl! Good luck and I KNOW you can do this. No shame, no looking back. We've all been there, we've all gained, lost, regained, relost....... Bleh! Sometimes it seems like a never ending cycle.

A year from now you'll be in a whole different place than you are now. One choice at a time!
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Old 04-02-2014, 03:40 PM   #3
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Thank you, Momma Goose!
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Old 04-02-2014, 03:56 PM   #4
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PTL that you start out depending on the "Grace of God" that's key in this whole battle! We all fail, that's for sure. Its so good to see you taking the next step... one step at a time, you will climb over & conquer this mountain! Learning all the way.
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Old 04-02-2014, 07:11 PM   #5
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Praise the Lord indeed. So glad you will be joining me.
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Old 04-03-2014, 01:18 AM   #6
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I'll be following your 'no fooling' journey/journal with great interest and empathy, Cheryl. Subbed.
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Old 04-03-2014, 06:03 AM   #7
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I'm here Cheryl! You can do this, you know how. I'm here cheering you on.
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Old 04-03-2014, 08:05 AM   #8
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I'm here too ! Let the Lord help you and guide you ....... Love the new journal !
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Old 04-03-2014, 09:19 AM   #9
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Good to see a fresh start!! The link in your siggy doesn't work, btw. The one on your post does, so maybe you need to double check it?

Off to a good start!
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Old 04-03-2014, 02:39 PM   #10
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Well, crud! I thought I did that so well (the siggy links.) I'll work on it. I hate when it doesn't read the title and has all that gobbly goop instead. I'll get it fixed. Thanks for telling me!

I didn't weigh today. I got paid yesterday so I had to have one last "hoorah." I know. "No more fooling around", right? Can a zebra change its stripes? This one can, just maybe not the day she got paid after being broke for a couple of weeks.

I have my system of taking my pellets and my supplements at regular intervals down. I am taking 2 Glucosamine and Chondroitin, 2 CoQ10 and 3 Super Cortisol Support per day. Four hhcg pellets three times a day and eating low carb. If I drink, it will be wine cause "spirits" and beer are made from grain and that doesn't make sense to me.

I'm better off if I don't drink cause drink makes me happy and happy makes me want to eat naughty things. Viscous cycle.

I didn't thank you all for joining me on my new thread yet! Thank you!! I need to make this one count. I'm not trying to write a book, I came to LCF to become the best version of myself that I could be and to not waste any more of my life. So, I'm getting back to that "head space."
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Old 04-04-2014, 06:03 AM   #11
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Good morning! I know what ya mean by getting into your "headspace". I'm trying to get back into the groove of losing. It's been so hard. But we can't give up. I keep telling myself I don't want to turn 50 fat. So that keeps me going.
I lost .5 today! So I'm on my way once more.
Bbl. I need my hot tea. ��
Oh, do you take calcium with Vit D?

Last edited by tay65; 04-04-2014 at 06:06 AM..
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Old 04-04-2014, 10:26 AM   #12
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WTG, Tammy! I'm down today, too. I haven't weighed cause I didn't think I could possibly have lost but I'm down 3 lbs as of today. I am shocked, and stoked.

When I take my vitos, I take a calcium with D. I just haven't gotten into taking them again. Seems I'm always popping pills or pellets. I have a habit of only eating in the evening cause I don't feel hungry early in the day, and I don't like to take the vitos that late. They make sleeping even harder. Why do you ask?

Gloomy here. Supposed to get some rain at times. But it's a day off so it's absolutely beautiful! Have a lovely day, ladies.

Last edited by CherylB; 04-04-2014 at 10:27 AM..
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Old 04-04-2014, 10:35 AM   #13
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Off to a great start Cheryl!!! 3 pounds is awesome!
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Old 04-04-2014, 10:50 AM   #14
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Thank you! I love your siggy. It's so full of good info plus inspiration too!
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Old 04-04-2014, 12:00 PM   #15
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3 pounds!!! I'm jealous woman!!! Lmao

Oh, I asked bc my mother has been on me to take extra calcium bc I'm getting old! Lol. She didn't say bc I'm getting old, but I know that's why she asked when she said she does. Hahahaha. Nurses!!! Lol

I'm going to buy some and also get some chromium. That's an appetite suppressant. Next time I hit walmart.
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Old 04-04-2014, 12:06 PM   #16
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So glad you got positive feedback from your scale... they are so temperamental. It will be super for you to get into 'One-derland' I know I had wts. that were the milestone marker for things like 'achey joints', etc. I love reading about people's milestones. So love that feeling!
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Old 04-04-2014, 12:31 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CherylB View Post
It's April 2, 2014. This is no April Fool's joke. I'm tired of being the fat woman in the room. I'm tired of having nothing that fits my body. I'm tired of being afraid to show my skin. Tired of sweating too much (now that Winter's over [finally!], the sweating will begin). Tired of seeing year after year go by and having to admit I keep blowing it.

So, I'll try to use this journal for just diet/health chatting. I know I fall into talking about farm drama but I'll see if I can separate the two. This journal should be short but packed with good weight loss results. In fact, I'm going to see how few pages I can use before I get to goal weight.

I'm currently 229.4. I am writing what I eat and drink in a paper journal as I always did back when I was dieting successfully. I'm doing a combination of things but the gist of it is lower calories and no starch or sugar. There will be times (family functions) where I will indulge to be a part of the event. Whenever I have "been good" and not eaten along with everyone else, I felt good about it in that moment but a day or two after, I blew it. I guess I felt I'd earned it. And most times, that would lead into a long stretch of binge eating.

So knowing this about myself, I will just go with it. I haven't got a goal date and frankly, I don't have a goal weight either. Last time, I set 140 as goal but I was feeling so good when I hit 159 (for a few minutes), I could have lingered there for quite a while, practicing maintenance before going any lower. Perhaps I will take that approach.

I'll take it in small goals. My first one is just to get below 200 again. I know how much better I feel just being under 200 and it's been well over a year since I have felt that feeling. So, that is where I'm headed first.

For those of you who have known me for a while, I know you will be cheering me on. I will try to accept the praise and encouragement and just let go of the "shame" that comes from regaining what you lost. I can't think of a better word than shame, so I'll just use it and I'm sure you'll get my meaning. It really is a terrible thing to regain when you never thought there was a chance in hades that you would. Never say never.

So, let's begin. Lord, give me the Grace that it will take to move through these stages and cross these small goal lines and do it with the most humility and gratitude that I can muster. Remind me how far I've come and don't let me dwell on how far back I've fallen. It doesn't matter at all. All that matters is where I am today and what I do today to get healthier by tomorrow. Amen.
I'm right there with ya!
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Old 04-04-2014, 01:10 PM   #18
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Thanks, ladies. Welcome, Bigmama! I love milestones, too. You get mini celebrations all along the way. It's not just about getting to goal weight, it's about feeling better, wearing clothes that you've not been able to wear in many many moons, having more pep in your step, fewer aches and pains, and about having more control over cravings for food that used to run your life.
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Old 04-04-2014, 01:33 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by CherylB View Post
Thanks, ladies. Welcome, Bigmama! I love milestones, too. You get mini celebrations all along the way. It's not just about getting to goal weight, it's about feeling better, wearing clothes that you've not been able to wear in many many moons, having more pep in your step, fewer aches and pains, and about having more control over cravings for food that used to run your life.
Like, like, like!!!! 😀
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Old 04-04-2014, 01:39 PM   #20
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Like, like, like!!!! ��
We do need a like button, huh! Guess we'll have to settle for this:

or
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Old 04-04-2014, 01:59 PM   #21
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Yes we do. I wish I knew how to do the smiley faces. I'm such a newbie lol!
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Old 04-04-2014, 02:14 PM   #22
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I couldn't settle for! Lol
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Old 04-04-2014, 02:17 PM   #23
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Bigmama ~ just click on GO ADVANCED and the smilies will show up then click on whatever ones you want to use.
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Old 04-04-2014, 02:19 PM   #24
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Quote:
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Yes we do. I wish I knew how to do the smiley faces. I'm such a newbie lol!
Instead of just writing your reply to a post, click "go advanced." Then you'll see all the smilies to the right side. There are more than the ones that show up, so click on "more" and you'll see them all.

If you click "quote" on someone else's post, you automatically get the smilies to the right.

After a while, you'll learn what the html is and you can just type it in. You'll get it. Have fun exploring.
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Old 04-05-2014, 07:14 AM   #25
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Woohoo for the scale rewarding your commitment!! WTG Cheryl! Onward we go!!
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Old 04-05-2014, 10:57 AM   #26
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Tammy, I didn't see that we cross-posted. Well, I'm sure she'll have fun posting smilies now.

Working today but have a little time before I have to go get ready. It feels a lot chillier than the temperature would have us believe. Very breezy. Must be out of the north.

BBL. Have a fabulous day.
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Old 04-05-2014, 01:58 PM   #27
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It's chilly here with wind. Tomorrow is suppose to be 60* and not so windy. Hope your day is going well at the farm.

Just had my snack of almonds. Love those!
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Old 04-05-2014, 05:50 PM   #28
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I love almonds, too. I'm nuts for nuts! (I know; that was terrible.) In fact, I love nuts so much that I can't keep them in the house. Walnuts don't tempt me but almonds, hazelnuts, pistachios, call my name. Oddly enough, macadamias never hit the spot with me. They are supposed to be the best nuts when doing Atkins.

It was freaking windy here today, too. When will we just have a nice day? Just a plain old nice day? How long, oh Lord? How long? This is ridiculous and I will be so happy to get out of CT when the time comes. I won't move back here twice, that's for dang sure.

I don't know what tomorrow is supposed to be like but if it's less windy in PA, maybe it will be here too. One can hope.

Work was fine (not fine at all, but go to horse thread if you want details.) Won't clog up this journal with horse news. I want to keep this to real weight loss news. I didn't weigh today but I don't plan to weigh daily anyway. I'm not doing a crash diet so crash-diet results can't be expected. Why set myself up for disappointment?

Time to relax! Have a lovely evening, ladies.
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Old 04-05-2014, 09:31 PM   #29
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I like macadamia nuts in cookies. I never ate them by themselves. I'll stick to almonds.

I'll go to the horsey thread when I post this. I read it all the time but I don't comment too often on it. I pretty much just commented on here when you were posting horse news on here. ��

I weigh every day. When I don't, I tend to get out of hand. So it's necessary for me.

Chloe went with her Godmom today at 2:30 and had a blast. I was glad she went with her. They love Chloe and this was the first time they asked for her. My dd said her bf said they've wanted to ask for her but didn't know if it was ok. Lol. They don't have kids yet but they are trying. She is my dd's bf's sister. Such a nice couple. They've been to our house many times.

Going shopping tomorrow at Sam's Club with my dd. She has to get her food for the week and I need some meat in this house. Lol. Making BBQ ribs tomorrow. I don't make them often but I need to cook them. They've been in the freezer a while.

I'm getting tired so I'll talk to you tomorrow. Nite. ������
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Old 04-05-2014, 11:22 PM   #30
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Love that little downward zzzz. That sounds great, the godmom wanting to spend time with Chloe. Any love is good love. The damn horse thread has gotten really muddy. All I ever seem to write there is the latest chapter in the drama at the farm. It was meant to be a thread to talk about the great (and sometimes not-so-great) experiences with the horses in our lives but this has just become journaling about a dysfunctional farm.

Tonight I had a bonus rant cause I never do night check. I only went there because I was afraid I had under-dressed the four horses up on the hill and that one pair of horses didn't have a heated water bucket. Couldn't reach the real night check woman and on and on the story went. Interestingly enough, I caught them doing something that totally made me MAD. So of course, I ratted them out. Not sure when that will be read or if ever addressed.

What-ever.

Last edited by CherylB; 04-05-2014 at 11:24 PM..
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