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Old 04-15-2014, 12:23 PM   #91
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Oh that sucks about having to make a big feast and do all that cleaning cause Mom decided to come for Easter. Can't very well turn her away, can you! I'm sorry that Shawn pulls that silent treatment when a question gets asked when he doesn't want to answer. That seems to be very common with kids and young adults in his age group. It makes no sense to me. It's rude, too.

I'd be absolutely thrilled to lose 50 lbs this year and to keep it off forever. I'd prefer to lose 70 and then hover there for a while. That would take me down to my lowest weight I reached in 2011. I felt so amazing at 160. I was finally able to tuck my shirts in which is how I always used to wear them. I never wear t-shirts when I'm fat, unless they were huge, really long ones that went past my butt.

Have a good day, honey. Try to get some time to rest.
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Old 04-15-2014, 07:55 PM   #92
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Good job staying LC! The brats and sauerkraut sound yummy! Glad you're nearly done with your farm shifts...hope the last few are pleasant . Keep plugging away...1 day at a time .
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Old 04-15-2014, 08:06 PM   #93
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That's what I'm going to do. Plug away. Pleasant shifts are going to be more and more difficult to have cause two days after my last day of work, program lessons begin. Already I'm seeing volunteers I've never met before, or that have never lifted a fork or pushed a wheelbarrow before. But rather than schedule the newbies on a day when there are plenty of veteran volunteers that can show them the ropes, she puts them on a day when I have to teach them how to pick up the paddocks myself. She makes no sense. Her nightmare is only just beginning. I feel so bad about the farm. It's going to be a complete conundrum.

I am enjoying my LC meals right now. I know hot dogs aren't the lowest in carbs but they are what I have and money is now more important than it's been in the last 15 months. I need to make do and use up what I have and then when I do shop, plan the menus out and buy food so it will be fresh and get used rather than get tossed. Just have to be smarter, that's all. I can get through the lean times again.

Going over to your journal now, Julie.
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Old 04-16-2014, 01:18 AM   #94
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Hi Cheryl- great foods on LC. Yay! good going. Take it easy at the farm. Running of the farm is no longer your responsibility. We own what we can and take care of that but once you are no longer responsible you refocus your energies- this time on you. Make this your decade for fun and fulfilment.
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Old 04-16-2014, 08:57 AM   #95
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Well said, Lola. That's what I intended to do when I resigned; refocus my energies. I'm off to a good start. I couldn't help myself last night, though. It was as if I was thinking of all the things that the boss would have to know how to do and what I would have had to do if it was my shift. Once I'm done with my two weeks, I know I'll be able to let it go.

I'm enjoying LC right now. Got paid from the farm today, too. Second to the last paycheck. I will miss those for sure. But I believe there is money to be made elsewhere and in the meantime, I can rest, regroup and recover.

I'll weigh when I feel a change in my big belly. Then I'll know I've lost some weight. Have an awesome day, ladies. Lola, thanks for the words of wisdom.
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Old 04-16-2014, 09:21 AM   #96
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Way to go on skipping McDonalds ! Shelby had some oreos yesterday and boy did I want one. But, nope I ate a few grapes and drank water and was fine !

We can do this !

So excited for your last shift. Boy, hope one day I'll have my "last shift" haha
I think those odd jobs will be a better fit for you for sure. Hope you still get to see the horses though....
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Old 04-16-2014, 09:53 AM   #97
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I'll sneak up there on Sunday afternoons, unless the dog gone program director actually does move into the apartment at the farm. Then I don't know if I will go there unless it's at a time when I know she'll be elsewhere. She has other responsibilities at other facilities, if you can imagine that.

Glad you didn't cave to the Oreo's! It's such a good feeling when you exercise the muscle of self control and steer yourself in a healthier direction. I used to always say that as odd as it sounded, there is freedom in being in control. Freedom in limiting yourself. It makes no sense until you're in it and then it makes perfect sense. How free can you be when you are running to fulfill every temptation? That's slavery.

I hope one day you will have a "last shift" too. I still think travel nursing would be wonderful for the two of you. I used to take a month off in between assignments, if I didn't extend longer. I extended in AZ and once in FL. Let me tell you! Working for 13 weeks and then taking off 3 or 4 weeks is a pretty sweet deal. I never should have stopped travel nursing.

I had always gone to places where I had family and when my Dad passed in FL, it wasn't appealing to go there anymore. I only had family in VA then and it was my late husband's eldest daughter and her hubby and kids, and I absolutely hated working in VA. (I would have quit the job early if I'd known that was an option.) I never took an assignment purely for the pleasure of going to see a new place and I wish I had. Oh, well.

Enjoy your day, Laura.

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Old 04-16-2014, 10:44 AM   #98
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Travel nursing was my plan all along. DH thought he would be up for it, but he hates change and I love change. Polar opposites !

DH was moved around a lot and had a very unstable childhood and we both wonder if that's why he stresses with change. I had a super stable "Leave it to Beaver" childhood and crave change ! lol

Being that we are off together now every other week the time off is not a problem. I love this schedule ( except when I'm in the middle of my work week )

Everyone ended up coming here last night to stay and Wyatt was super fussy. Didn't get to bed until almost midnight. DH, DS1,DS2, DIL were so exhausted.......

Am taking Shelby to town soon so we can see "her new house" . She's super excited.

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Old 04-16-2014, 10:54 AM   #99
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Enjoy! A new home really is exciting. You must be pooped! Sorry DH isn't onboard with traveling. He's the only fly in the ointment, as the saying goes.
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Old 04-16-2014, 11:23 AM   #100
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Yep ! I would stick a "For Sale" sign in the yard and be GONE !!! lol !
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Old 04-18-2014, 11:06 AM   #101
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I weighed today and I'm down about 2.5 lbs so far. Nothing dramatic but I kind of cheated last night. (No "kind a" about it.) Today is a new day and I am going to get my butt outside to finish this raking job. Not sure if it's more work or less work to use the itty bitty leaf blower I have. No doubt I'll use it along the other front half, which is on the side there the upstairs people have their driveway.

I always loved that about this place; having my own driveway in a duplex. If there was a place that was meant for me and my needs, it is this place. I bit off a lot when I took the apartment cause it's almost half of my disability income but to me, it's worth it. The farm job made it easy to afford living here. *sigh* The next job will, too. But first, I rest and regroup.

Have a great day, ladies.

Thank you Jesus for all you went through to redeem the world.

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Old 04-18-2014, 11:11 AM   #102
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Amen !!!

Good Luck with the raking . Hope you are able to finish today !
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Old 04-18-2014, 02:53 PM   #103
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I'm still not finished! Got another big chunk done but still have the back two sections and the far back of the yard. She said it's just under a half an acre! That's insane! That shows you just how obnoxious those spiky palm leaves are. I can't describe them any better than that. I've lived in the desert southwest and these are just like palm leaves.

If this was my place, those two trees (or however many trees there are) would be firewood. They would have shed their last spiky leaves on my earth. I mean, I've been working at the farm for almost 2.5 years and my biceps are killing me. I've had to break it down into multiple shorter tries but today I could only do two hours. Maybe that's all I did the other day and just didn't realize it was such a small period of time.

But thank the Lord, one more try and I'll be done. I couldn't have done it without the leaf blower. It's impossible! Today I used the blower for the whole time, stopping to rake and pick up the stuff in the center of the yard rather than try and blow it to one side or the other where it's brushy. Now I remember why my own yard at the house I foreclosed on looked as unkempt as it did. (I always thought people were saying that word wrong but I guess some moron really decided to spell "unkept" with an m in it.)

So, now I'm pooped again. Bunny is out and about in the bedroom and I'm letting him have some time to play. He loves his blankie. (A little too much.)

Have a great night. I think I'm going to be giving these arms a mighty rest so they can recover.

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Old 04-18-2014, 03:08 PM   #104
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I don't understand what's wrong with me. I was doing fine, then last night, went and bought fast food and pigged out. Bought a box of wine, which I'm now drinking. Now I want a pizza. I swear it's because of the booze. I was drinking some light beer yesterday. I just don't think I can drink. It makes me feel good and then it enhances my appetite and my will to stay on-plan goes to hell in a hand basket. It happens over and over again. I simply can't drink unless it's a special occasion. I don't want to accept this, but it's the truth.
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Old 04-18-2014, 03:48 PM   #105
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Hi Cheryl! Good for getting on the yard work. I'd break it down too. That's a lot of yard.

I brought my son home. Drove 1100 miles in 21 hours. My legs and feet are swollen ALOT and they hurt. So I took a shower this morning when I got home and slept 4 hours. Now just relaxing with my feet up so this swelling can go down. I knew they were swelling when my feet were tight in my shoes. I had to untie and loosen them on the way home. This is the LAST time I'm doing that. I physically cannot do it.

Chloe was extremely good on this trip. She slept all night too. We certainly are blessed with such a great little girl.

I got on the scale. What a dumb idea when I hadn't slept all night. Lol. And with all the fluid in my legs and feet too! So holding off on weigh ins til that goes away.

Nice day today. We grilled for the first time this year. Shawn wanted a slab of ribs and Tasha and I wanted chicken. Soooo good! I stole a small piece of rib too. Mmmm!

Have a good evening! Bbl
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Old 04-18-2014, 07:40 PM   #106
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Oh, Tammy. I knew that drive there and back was going to be killer. I'm glad he's got a plane ticket to take him home again. I wish he could stay home with you all for a longer period of time.

Ooh! Not the scale! Not now! Oh, well. Too late to make that decision. Hope it didn't blow your mind. The grilled meats sound so good.

I'm really tired and so I'm not going to write more tonight. I'm working the next three days. I hope the days are good and not hectic but hectic is one of those " 'tis the season" things at the farm. Program is about to begin so chaos comes out of every nook and cranny.

I need a mantra to get me through the next four shifts if they end up being less typical than I wanted them to be. The calm, "routine" shifts are a thing of the past. I'll come up with something that I can repeat to myself and keep my cool. Something like, "I'm going to miss this."

Sleep tight, everyone.
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Old 04-18-2014, 07:53 PM   #107
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Good for you, getting through more of that yard.
I have to agree with you about the drinking weakening your will power. Its pretty bad on your system too. Hope you can get rid of the cravings quickly.
How about "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" or
"He who the Son sets free is free indeed"
Hope you enjoy the next 3 days.
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Old 04-18-2014, 08:03 PM   #108
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Debby ~ I like the second quote! Can I put that in my siggy?

Cheryl ~ the scale doesn't bother me. I'm use to the ups and downs. I use the scale as a tool as to what I need to do. It's just a number to me. I'm all about how I look and feel at the moment.

I'm real tired so I'll return tomorrow. ������
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Old 04-18-2014, 08:05 PM   #109
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Me too Tay! Certainly! (its John 8:36).
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Old 04-18-2014, 08:06 PM   #110
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Sweet dreams, my friends.
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Old 04-18-2014, 09:07 PM   #111
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( You didn't hijack my journal silly )

(hugs) Sorry you are so sore honey. Hope you sleep really good tonight.

I always count down the hours...... like day 3 I say only 36 more hours till I'm off. Then day 5 I say 12 more hours and I'm done ! It helps me !!

I love Debby's scriptures ! God will get you through this week
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Old 04-18-2014, 10:14 PM   #112
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Thank you all. I love Deb's scriptures too. There are so many great scriptures to lean on during hard times. What I meant when talking about "a mantra" to get me through these last four afternoons at the farm (if they suck, which they no doubt will) is just a simple, short thread of something to bring me back to center in just a few words. Like "this too shall pass" or something of that nature. I'll come up with something or God will give it to me in the moment.

I want so much for these last four shifts to be the very best but that's totally out of my hands. It's just time to ramp up for program and now nothing is the same. I'm so thankful I resigned in time to give them my full two weeks and still bow out before the first day of program arrives. But I wish I could be a fly on the wall cause this is going to be something else. The boss is the only instructor there is. There used to be four.

I'm out of Restoril so I'm still up and typing. My arms feel better now than they did after I was finished swinging that leaf blower back and forth for two hours. I took my Motrin and Benadryl so eventually I will get some sleep. Not worrying about it. Soon I will have all the time in the world to sleep. That makes me sad in a way.

Sleep tight, everyone. Over and out.
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Old 04-19-2014, 09:46 AM   #113
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Got some sleep sometime after 3 am. Working today. Temps in the 50's with a breeze. Sunny with some fluffy clouds above. Now all I need is for the boss not to be there. That will make for a happier day at the farm.

I hope you're all enjoying your Easter weekend. I'll bbl with a story to tell. Hope it's a good one with a happy ending.
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Old 04-19-2014, 04:36 PM   #114
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Glad you only have a few short shifts left.... You'll get through them. Y may even miss them one day. Hopefully you'll be able to sneak in for a visit eventually. .

Good job on the yard work...that's tough work! I hate those spiky palm branches. Popped a dozen volleyballs in our yard!

I like the verse: "He who began a good work in you, will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" Philippians 1:6, it reminds me that God's not done with me yet, that He's still at work in and through me.

Don't beat yourself up for your diet slip up. Learn from it. You realize where it went wrong and you will face that same choice in the future. You need to decide how you'll handle it next time. If you decide ahead of time, and commit to making a decision, you should have an easier time sticking to it. it's going to be a temptation all your life, and once you're committed to not drinking, the eating will follow. Moderation isn't always easy for people. My dh can't even have 1 drink. He's not able to stop at 1 or 2. So, he decided a few years ago not to have any alcohol at all. It was hard, especially at first, but now, it's easier.

Hang in there! Hope your weekend is a good one! Happy Resurrection Sunday!
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Old 04-19-2014, 05:57 PM   #115
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Thank you, Julie. I know it's true but it's still hard to accept. The fact is that I've had a few times in my life where I went several years without drinking. The most recent of which was from around Thanksgiving of 2005 until June of 2008, when I was forced to return to nursing after having been out on disability. Actually, I didn't go out on disability until June-ish of 2006 and I always wondered if being sober was part of the reason why I collapsed. When you have booze to anesthetize you, you can limp on forever.

I went through the entire process of getting a resume written up (updated, I should say) and applying for and interviewing for jobs, but it was the night before my first day of orientation that I just decided I needed to "self medicate." I went to a local Texas-style bar and restaurant and it was Father's Day. I sat at a small booth all by myself and I ordered a couple of light draft beers and some fried calamari; neither of which was very good. I remember thinking, "This isn't all that great" (the buzz) but I did it anyway. And everyday from that point on, I've been drinking (not EVERY day, but ykwim.)

Like your husband, I have trouble with regulating amounts. And I don't understand how so many get to the point in their drinking that they stop caring about food. I know that's a terrible thing but it almost makes me wish it would happen to me. Why does food appeal to me so much more when I'm under the influence? It really does taste better when I'm tipsy, too.

So there's no way around it. I have no job so no supplemental income. I know that drinking makes me cave on any diet plan I attempt. I am going to have a hard enough time buying good food for myself without taking "detours" for fast food that is calling my name (loudly.) I have no choice.

But I want to say right here, right now. I am not saying I will never drink again! I'm saying that I can't afford to do it the way I have been doing it and that the best thing for me is to just learn to love life without it, but I know there will be occasions when I do still have a few drinks. I won't make rules and surround myself with concrete block walls to cut myself off from the world.

Just like you won't live in a world without Froyo, ( ), I don't want to make declarations saying I will live a 100% sober life. So, that's that.

Work went well. I told one of the girls I resigned and that next Saturday was going to be my last day. I didn't feel right about not saying anything until the last shift together. I don't want that "pall" overshadowing my time there but it's not right to just spring it on them. You never know how others see or value you and I learned that when the Sunday teenage girl drew me that pencil drawing of me and Daphne. I need to allow others their time to adjust. It's not all about me.

We're hanging those rotten "nibble nets" in all the stalls now. It was funny at one point. The nibble net in Red/Daphne's area was strung up in a narrow crevice of an area and it was all tangled up so I had to untangle, take down and then string up two separate ones. It was like threading a needle and I'm pretty short and there's nothing solid enough in the barn to stand on. So I tried doing it a number of times without success and I started getting frustrated. I said, "Lord, help me please". Tossed the clip and it went right through. It happened twice. Maybe more than twice. Each time I asked Him to help me with them, He did. It wasn't coincidence. Those were some messed up nibble nets.

Another really funny thing happened, along those same lines. I was saying to the girls (the four young volunteers I had today) that I missed hearing those lone black birds that we had hanging around for weeks. They would sit on a single branch and not move for hours. They'd just say, "Waw." Or something like that. It was a funny sound and it was repeated for hours while they sat there on their lone branch. Today, there were none of them. Soon after I said that about missing them and the girls left to go home, I was walking past the area I was talking about them and I heard one of those birds. I couldn't see him but it was so fun to hear him at least one last time. Thank you Lord!

So, that was my day. It was lovely and I thank God for it. Happy Easter! Sleep well, ladies.

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Old 04-19-2014, 05:58 PM   #116
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PS: Good scripture. Sorry I don't always comment on everything you ladies post.
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Old 04-19-2014, 06:02 PM   #117
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Sounds like a great day Cheryl and God was certainly there with you !
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Old 04-19-2014, 07:18 PM   #118
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PTL for another good day!
Happy easter!
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Old 04-19-2014, 08:38 PM   #119
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Sweet dreams, my friends and sisters.
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Old 04-19-2014, 09:07 PM   #120
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Happy Easter ! Hope tomorrow is a great day again !
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