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RoxyRoller 12-31-2013 11:40 AM

Roxie's quest to make friends with food...confessions and ramblings
Hello and Happy Healthy and Prosperous New Year to all! I joined LCF yesterday. Today I exercised (dear Lord it is difficult to get back in the swing weighing 315 pounds!)

I weigh 315 pounds. I said it out loud. Twenty years ago I weighed 165. I did this to myself. There is no one to blame, I chose to eat my feelings, no one forced my hand into the bag of Cheetos. I have no medical condition that precludes me from being able to lose weight (perimenopause - but, I refuse to accommodate it or use it as a crutch when I feel depressed/alone/afraid/anxious and want to eat a box of brownies to numb myself). I want to eat when I am hungry, not happy, sad, angry, anxious. I no longer will act the opposite of how I feel, that is so self destructive, no more worrying about how this one or that one will feel if I do this or that. It's time to focus on myself.

How embarrassed I was when I ran into someone who hadn't seen me in years, I wanted to disappear, I am ashamed I have abused myself like this.

When I look at old photos I can hardly believe it's me, I looked hot! I feel like I have shortchanged my husband (yes, he's fat too and is joining me in this, but, he deserves the girl he married, not the fatty I am now).

I lurked LCF for quite some time, nice people, interesting threads, wealth of information, fun to read.

Today I am well within my calorie/carb limit, I feel better than I did 3 days ago (amazing how eating well makes you feel). I am intelligent, I know what and how much to eat in order to reduce my size.

I will journal here and keep myself accountable. I welcome any and all input, feedback, comments, suggestions, encouraging words, etc.

I am attending a New Year's party tonight, and I am keeping the outfit I bought especially for it at Lane Giant (aka Tent City) as a reminder of exactly where my choices have put me. It will hang outside my closet so I see it every morning, and next to it hangs the pair of size 14 button fly way cool jeans that I have not worn in 6 years. I love those jeans!

Here's to a great 2014! :hiya:

Anyway, that's it for now, more tomorrow.

RoxyRoller 01-01-2014 01:10 PM

First day of 2014! Had a great time last night, had a couple vodka and limes, and a handful of pistachio nuts...wasn't really hungry....that's a switch! Got up relatively early and began the process of undecorating...it goes up so quickly, but seems to take forever to take down and put away. DH is taking down the outside lights and cutting up the tree.

Well, better get back on the de-Christmasing wagon.

I will no longer stress out over food - normal people do not stress about food, it's just food.

RoxyRoller 01-01-2014 03:33 PM

Got 60% of the holiday trimmings taken down, boxed and put away. I'm done for the day as far as that goes (I ask myself why I feel I have to get it all done in one day when it takes me over the course of a week to put it all up :dunno:)

Anyway, I heard "you've got to love yourself" said on some tv show today (probably a news channel that was showing yet another 'new year, new you' type segment). I thought to myself 'I DO love myself', but then my little voice (you know, the voice we ALL hear from time to time) said 'if that's true, why do you put EVERYTHING ahead of yourself?' True, very true. I tell myself stuff like, 'you have to get the entire house clean before you can ______________'(fill in the blank) So, I stopped what I was doing and rode my shiny Schwinn Airdyne for 15 min (it's shiny cuz I dusted it off after 4+ years! it looks brand new!) I went 2/10 of a mile farther than yesterday, progress is progress. I thought about when I would pound out 10 miles at a stretch not too long ago and I wanted to kick myself....'you fool' I thought, but then I forgave myself - just keep going forward...don't look back, it won't change anything.

Lunch - I made romaine and chicken salad with 1/2 avocado and cilantro/lime dressing (home made dressing, I put a little Splenda in it). Roast beef/cheese roll ups for DH. Anyway, I decided to concentrate on eating, just focus on enjoying the meal with DH - and I realized I was full with 1/3 left on my plate, very interesting.

I'm no where near done with getting the house put back in order the way I want it, and the old way of thinking me would keep plugging at it well past 10 p.m., skipping dinner and end up so exhausted and irritable I'd be primed for a 'scarf down whatever's there' but, I'm not going to do that, not today. ;)

RoxyRoller 01-02-2014 03:30 PM

I almost weighed myself today...but then thought better of it, any loss will reflect water only (I have been running to the bathroom like crazy).

After breakfast (standard Cream of Wheat, I love it) I finished getting things back in order. I wasn't hungry for lunch, so I just drank water and decaf tea with Splenda. I'm beginning to feel hungry, DH is in the garage (he's on vaca till Monday). I think we'll have eggs and sausage for dinner. I'll be way under calories for the day, but that's ok as long as I'm not hungry. I'm making an effort to listen to my body - and eat when hungry, only when truly hungry.

I bought a pair of Angel Jeans today (yes, 24W) I really like the way they're cut, they fit around the waist without gapping in the back (I want to look nice, heavy or not, I cannot stand the 'sloppy fat' look). Anyway, they make them in smaller sizes too, I plan on buying them someday....

I'm at 23 carbs so far today, which is really low for me, I do well around 60 or so, but I'm not going to force feed myself carbs. I'll wing it and see what happens.

I plan on weighing on Monday, just for fun! I will not let the scale dictate my mood for the day though, there was a time when I would be so bummed if I didn't see a loss - and if there was a gain...oh, don't even want to think about it.

I pulled out my old food journals from 6 years ago.....I averaged 900 calories a day, I lost 90 pounds in roughly 10 months, that's a little too fast, but it seemed like a good idea at the time! :down:

Back tomorrow.............

RoxyRoller 01-03-2014 12:13 PM

Yesterday my calorie total was 988 (30 carbs). I am beginning to feel that same "calorie phobia" I did back when I lost 90 pounds and was eating 900-950 calories a day. As the calorie total nears 1000 I get anxious, somehow I think anything over 999 is going to condemn my soul to eternal hell. I can feel myself wanting to go back to what I ate at that time, which was the same thing, everyday, for months...and it didn't end well. I did get hungry after dinner last night but would not eat...and I woke up hungry, but instead of taking the time to have breakfast I got busy around the house, ran a couple of errands, and here I am.

My knee is killing me, I think I overdid it on my stationary bike, shouldn't have tried the Tour De France program so soon....:hyst:

I haven't eaten yet today, I'm afraid to, isn't that insane? I'm going to make lunch soon, turkey/cheese/lettuce wraps with jalapenos and avocado. I have steaks marinating in garlic/olive oil/salt/pepper for our dinner. I'll still come in under 1000 calories and if it goes on for too long, it will backfire and I'll eat everything in sight and then hate myself. This is absolute madness.

Well, the madness stops today. I'll shoot for 1200 calories, that's a safe level. I'm amazed when I read my old food journals, talk about gulag weight loss program! If I micromanaged at work the way I micromanaged my food back then I'd be out of a job! I'm getting rid of those old journals when I'm done posting, as they are the proverbial albatross around my neck.

As always, any input, feedback, thoughts, comments are always welcome. I invite anyone who experiences anything similar to share their views.

DesertGurl 01-03-2014 01:39 PM


We are kindred spirits. I relate to so much of what you have written in regards to putting everyone & everything first...along with, the ocd tendancies when it comes to counting calories and the feeling that brings up.. Years ago I succeed with weight loss (about 85 lbs in about 8 months) and like you, I did it on severe calorie restriction) and was never able to sustain it...obviously, right? ;)

The last couple years I began a journey of discovering how to put myself first. I began carb cycling last September, finally ready to embrace a total lifestyle. Do I know how to lose weight? Ya betcha! But, do I know how to actually "live" a life that's healthy from top to bottom? Not so much. I am learning that by putting myself first, the people I care about most, actually end up benefitting from my improved mood & health. I am determined that this is my year. The year I get my health back, reach that *magic* number, and love what I see in the mirror!

Keep posting and jump in anywhere where you feel comfortable. There are some AMAZING people here! :)

RoxyRoller 01-04-2014 12:07 PM


Originally Posted by DesertGurl (Post 16740384)
I began carb cycling last September,...

Thanks for the welcome!

I've been reading up on carb cycling, very interesting. Incredible how much food those who body build can take in!

Let's see, I was able to go over 1000 calories yesterday (1290) without suffering a mental collapse.

I got back on my stationary bike this morning, (amazing what aspercreme and a heating pad can do).

With regard to extremely low calorie intake: How often do we hear "never go under 1000 calories" or 1200 calories or whatever; that extreme low calorie intake is unhealthy, resulting in lower metabolism, 'starvation mode', malnutrition, etc. Ok, I get all that, and for the most part it makes sense. However, if ultra low calorie reducing plans (under 1000 daily) are so detrimental, how do we account for the popularity of bariatric surgery, most of which, btw, is covered by insurance (our current health insurance plan covers it [meaning full gastric bypass, not lap band] 100% except for $100 co-pay)...sometimes I wish I wasn't such a chicken about going under the knife...but then I look at those who I know have had the surgery and where they are now, out of 4 girls at work, only 1(!!) has maintained the 100 lbs+ loss, the others are near where they were when they had the surgery or within 30 or 40 pounds of regaining all they lost. I know GBS works for many people, and more power to you and your success. I cracked my MD up at my last visit when I told him I'm offering myself up as a human guinea pig for the brain surgery for weight loss - it's currently done on rats, deep brain stimulation, and the results are incredible. I am a firm believer that my off/on toggle switch in relation to overeating is in my brain...which is a long way from my stomach.

I have committed to get out more (beyond the grocery store, work) come hell or high water. Somewhere along the way I've distanced myself from things I really like doing - live music is a favorite of mine, so, if we can arrange the time off, we are going to see Lita Ford at The Whiskey (ok, probably not everyone's cup of tea, but I'm a die hard Runaways fan, among so many other late 70's rock/glam and 80's hair bands). The drive down to LA will test my ability to stay calm...and just walking my big butt into the place will be an accomplishment, cuz we all think people are pointing and laughing...."look! it's Fat Roxy and the Rolls opening for Lita Ford!"....seriously though, it truly sucks being so self conscious.:faint:

Carly 01-04-2014 01:15 PM

:welcome:! I hope you will come by and visit the JUDDD section of LCFs.
If you are good at counting calories JUDDD will be a piece of cake for you (perhaps literally and figuratively.)

RoxyRoller 01-04-2014 01:38 PM


Originally Posted by Carly (Post 16741728)
If you are good at counting calories JUDDD will be a piece of cake for you (perhaps literally and figuratively.)

Hello! Whoa...you look mahvelous! I will definitely check out JUDDD. Up day/down day...I like the way it sounds! I checked out the calculator on the JUDDD website, and according to the results, my down days would be 495 calories, but my up days would be 2475 calories...very interesting when I average it all out. It makes sense, I think normal people, rather, people who do not have food issues, most likely have days where they eat a good deal more than on other days.

RoxyRoller 01-04-2014 03:54 PM

I think I'll begin JUDDD tomorrow with a down day, but I'm only at 600 calories so far today, so, I'll try to eat a decent dinner, though it won't come close to the calculated up day total. Correction to my earlier up/down totals, I changed it to 25% from 20%, a down day for me is 610, up day is 2600...ooh, that's seems like so much, but when I average it all out (yes, I am one of those anal, have to analyze it, read all about, check it out kind of people), there's no way a person wouldn't lose weight. But then again, eating an average of 1500 calories a day will also result in weight loss.......SO.......looking at the big picture, the whole enchilada, the real question is; is JUDDD sustainable - well, depends on the person. Is a 1500 calorie a day total until goal and then learning to re-feed and maintain the loss sustainable - again, depends on the person.

It's a mind thing I think...like when I quit smoking...it took a few tries, but it'll be 20 years in April. I remember it being SO DIFFICULT being out (back then you could still smoke in bars/clubs and I went to a LOT of live band shows), but I would tell myself, 'no, you've worked too hard, why undo all the good you've done by quitting'...or....'you'll look like a cheap groupie with that cigarette, you wanna look like a cheap hoochie groupie?'...no, I want to be a hot classy average weight hoochie groupie....:laugh:

Hmmmm, we'll see.

Carly 01-04-2014 03:58 PM


Originally Posted by RoxyRoller (Post 16741774)
Hello! Whoa...you look mahvelous! I will definitely check out JUDDD. Up day/down day...I like the way it sounds! I checked out the calculator on the JUDDD website, and according to the results, my down days would be 495 calories, but my up days would be 2475 calories...very interesting when I average it all out. It makes sense, I think normal people, rather, people who do not have food issues, most likely have days where they eat a good deal more than on other days.

Well, thank you and :welcome: to JUDDD!!!!!
I've been JUDDDing for just short of 2 years- so yes, I'd say it is sustainable. In fact the most amazingly enjoyable and sustainable way of eating that I've ever encountered.

RoxyRoller 01-05-2014 12:53 PM

Before I start...gotta say....Go Packers!!!! I'll be putting on my cheese hat when the game starts!!!

Well, yesterday I decided to begin JUDDD, spent HOURS last night reading...reading...reading. Like Mooney says to Loretta in Coal Miner's Daughter: "Loretta...we may have found something you know how to do!"

I did not meet the Up Day calorie total yesterday...made it to 1700, and again..no mental collapse...so that's good.

Today is a Down Day, and I have 600 calories to play with, I can do a lot with 600 calories.:yummy:

I feel thinner today, I have not weighed, I will tomorrow. You know that feeling, you just "feel" lighter, it's easier to exercise - I went 2.8 miles in 16 minutes this morning...up from 2.3 miles...progress is progress. There are days when exercising feels so effortless, and then there are days when it takes all the energy I have to hoist it up into that seat. I'm going to mix it up with the treadmill when my knee is back to 100% (anyone out there under 30 reading this...DO NOT LET YOURSELF BE FAT AND 50...don't, nothing tastes as good as being able to move and wear what you want, please, I'm saying this from the heart).

Few things I gotta do before the game starts. Might check back in later, otherwise, back tomorrow.

RoxyRoller 01-05-2014 05:42 PM

Green Bay lost....sadness covers me like a blanket...not really, it was a good game.

My Down Day calorie total for today is 530, 4 carbs, 48 oz of water so far, and decaf tea.

Not bad, not as difficult as I thought it would be, but it's my first down day, so, let's give this some time. I keep asking myself, can you eat like this every other day for the rest of your life? Hmmmm, I want to say "you betcha!" Being the realist that I am, I'll wait and see how things go.

I don't want to go through this anymore, I'm too old and too tired to continue running on this never ending lose/gain/lose/gain road. I am a strong person. I am intelligent. I do not need a cheering section in order to succeed. I might go sit in church for a while tomorrow (I only go to church when it's empty), it's so peaceful; or the cemetery (don't judge me), they are beautiful and quiet.

My BFF began her quit smoking campaign on 1/1, she's using those new electronic cigarettes; I didn't know they contained nicotine! I guess you can buy cartridges that contain varying amounts of nicotine or no nicotine and just flavored with fruit or menthol...she still cannot smoke in my house! It's not easy to quit, I know, I give her credit for her efforts. I was shocked at the price of cigarettes! I used to pay $8 for a carton! I think they were up to $15 a carton (at the smoke shop on the reservation) when I finally quit.

DH expressed interest in JUDDD, no problem I said! He worked so hard this morning trimming our date palm tree - ooooh, I don't like them, they are MESSY and have those big thorns on the ends like hype needles, but I LOVE the hummingbirds that hang out in them.

Time to get it in gear, 4:00 a.m. comes early! Back tomorrow!

"You should never say bad things about the dead, you should only say good...Joan Crawford is dead...good." Bette Davis

Carly 01-06-2014 01:38 AM

I'm glad you had a successful DD and came by to introduce yourself.

RoxyRoller 01-06-2014 02:39 PM

I got good news....and (sort of) bad news....
The good news is I'M DOWN 14 FLIPPIN POUNDS! Woot Woot! Go Roxy, go Roxy (tries to do the running man dance but suffers a cramp....)

Ok, now for the sort of bad news....I had a reactive hypoglycemic attack this morning after breakfast (cream of wheat/an orange/8 oz. milk) I am positive it's related to the fact that yesterday I consumed only 530 calories and 4 carbs. It used to happen to me in the past when I would heavily restrict my calories or fast and then eat a "normal" amount of food....sucks.

I searched these boards and found one thread (from back in July '13) and various mentions regarding reactive hypoglycemia, so, I see others have experienced it also under very similar circumstances. Unfortunately, I cannot afford to feel ill like that at work, and, while adjusting what I would eat for breakfast on my JUDDD up day would most likely alleviate the occurrence, I cannot sustain that, there are times I KNOW I will want cereal and fruit following a down day and I don't want to risk feeling like that again. So, I'm switching back to my version of controlled calories/carbs.

To Carly, thank you so much for the suggestion, I envy you, sincerely. I can only hope to achieve the success you have. :shake:

On top of it, I walk in the door, turn on the TV, and what do I see????....a guy who lost 41 pounds eating only McDonalds for 3 months (he limited his caloric intake to 2000 a day and tracked nutrient values as well). I took it as the sign I asked for when I was sitting in church...:aprayer:

Anyway, I'm euphoric that the scale showed a loss this morning (95% water, of course, but, I'll take it).

I feel sad, I felt sad this morning too, I was thinking about my parents (both have passed), pets (cats) who have passed, my brother who has passed; now, normally I would stop this feeling by eating, and eating....cuz feeling overly full keeps you from feeling anything else...but I stopped myself and just let myself be sad...I miss them....a LOT. I hate that my mom passed at a relatively young age (58), because I turned out ok (for the most part), and could have made her life so much better had she lived long enough to see me become an adult. It's okay, I got this.

Looks like we'll make it to see Lita Ford! Tickets are dirt cheap too! I'm excited, we haven't taken a road trip to LA in a while.

Stay tuned............

LoCarbGal 01-06-2014 09:22 PM

WTG on those 14 pounds, gone forever! That is a fantastic start!

I'm glad you're trying JUDDD. It has been an absolute blessing for me. It does sound like what happened with your crash was that you ate sugary/carby foods after your DD. The beginning weeks of JUDDD are all about your body adjusting to your new WOE. Sometimes the adjustment is not the most comfortable of feelings. The hunger pangs, the uncertainty that this will work, the lightheadedness. I sincerely hope you will keep trying and get past this first, tough stage, so you can reap all the many, many benefits JUDDD has to offer! You sound like you're well-versed in low carb. Maybe a high protein or fat breakfast would be a better option, especially here in the beginning.

As you can see from my stats and ticker, your starting weight was not too different from mine. So I'm pretty sure I'm familiar with all or most of the things you're going through right now. I know there are lots and lots of ways to lose weight, and we all have to find the right one for us. I just want you to be able to experience the rewards of getting rid of the extra weight and getting your old self back. You can do this! And I hope you find JUDDD to be the golden ticket like I have.

RoxyRoller 01-07-2014 02:28 PM


Originally Posted by LoCarbGal (Post 16745344)
Maybe a high protein or fat breakfast would be a better option, especially here in the beginning.

You are absolutely right about that. In addition, I believe the higher end (975 calorie) down days would be a more realistic way for me to go, but I get anxious thinking I can actually eat 2436 calories on an up day. I have modified and felt great today, so, we'll see.

Today I walked on the treadmill...I made it exactly 1 mile, and it took 27 minutes, meaning I barely ever went faster than 2 mph. I noticed that I have poor posture when walking, I'm making an effort to maintain correct posture even when sitting, it makes a difference.

I bought a full length mirror.

I dug out my sewing machine, I need new kitchen curtains and I'm not paying through the nose when I can whip them up myself for less than half the cost.

I believe those of us who are emotional overeaters become conditioned to eat in response to feelings other than hunger. I've been looking back to my childhood, which was pretty ordinary I'd say; I excelled in school despite being fat, had friends, participated in band/chorus/color guard. However, the family dynamic was way dysfunctional, the air was very "thick" most of the time. Thinking back I see that food was used as a form of recreation as well as comfort/reward....you fall down and skin your knee - here's a cookie; you get straight A's - we'll have pizza to celebrate; our favorite show is on tv tonight so we'll make a load of buttered popcorn and wash it down with soda...never mind that we finished dinner just a couple hours before and there's no way we were hungry. There were also what I will refer to as "food rules", for example, if you wanted a piece of cheese - you HAD to make a cheese sandwich, you could not just eat the piece of cheese. Hot dogs and burgers had to be on a bun, and of course you were required to clean your plate or there'd be no cake/cookies/ice cream for desert. If you expressed any type of distress, anxiety, or other discomfort you were given some kind of treat to make you feel better. Interesting.

RoxyRoller 01-08-2014 03:02 PM

An exhausting day.

Today I thought about expectations, specifically, something may not be too much to expect, but it may be too much to ask. Example: It's not too much to expect myself to weigh 165; however, it IS too much to ask of myself...why?..because while it is attainable, it is NOT sustainable (not for me), I've been up and down the weight ladder so much I know what I'm capable of, hence my goal of 200, it's doable and maintainable. The longest I had ever maintained a loss I stayed between 195 (after hitting 165 and regaining 30) and 203 for 3 years. It wasn't a struggle, I had to watch my intake, but I was able to keep it off...so, why the backslide and massive regain? I can remember exactly where and why (kind of like knowing where you were when the Twin Towers were hit - it sticks in your mind). I let someone get the better of me and instead of dealing and coping - I went back to an OLD HABIT.

Habits: A settled or regular tendency to practice, a norm, a routine, convention. Some are good (brush your teeth everyday), some are bad (eat a cake when you feel sad). Whatever the habit, it can be unlearned.

Those who have lost a substantial amount of weight and kept it off did more than adjust what they ate and started to exercise. There had to be a conscious decision to alter their HABITS. Because we all know, if you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always got....regardless of what plan/woe you used.

More on this next time....I got a date with a box of Clairol Born Blonde because only Madonna looked great with an inch of dark roots. Looking forward to The Whiskey tomorrow!

Once upon a day so dreary
As I pondered weak and weary
What to feed those I hold dearly
And it's well past four....

While I nodded nearly napping
Suddenly there came a tapping
As of something gently rapping
Rapping at my tired mind's door

Tis some old habit, I muttered, tapping at my mind's door...only this, and nothing more...

Back into the kitchen turning, all my soul within me burning
Soon again I heard the tapping somewhat louder than before
Let me see then what this threat is and this mystery explore

Open here I flung the cupboard
And perched upon the upmost shelf board
Was the dreaded threat I feared more now than ever before
A bag of Raven colored candy...so silky, sweet and handy
That would taste so very dandy down to my very core

Habit! Thing of evil, habit still, sent from the devil
Leave me, oh please leave me and torment me no more...
Quickly then I calmed my senses, feeling utterly defenseless
Conjured up the courage from long past days of yore
To slam the door and find the courage to whisper....nevermore.

...with help from Edgar Allen Poe

RoxyRoller 01-09-2014 11:03 AM

Feeling very energized today, made it 3.0 miles in 15 minutes on the bike, so I stayed on an extra 5 minutes.

Food intake is fine, staying on track, eating when hungry, working on breaking old habits, old conditioning that makes food so much more than what it really is; re-prioritizing so that food no longer has power, there is so much more to life than food....my god.

I'm tired of reacting like one of Pavlov's dogs in anticipation of food. Yes, eating is (and should be) enjoyable; however, it should NOT dominate one's life.

RoxyRoller 01-09-2014 11:28 AM

...to continue...

I do not want to have to do the "ok, this time for sure!!" dance anymore. Over and over, restrict food, increase movement, lose weight, get tired of food gulag and tell myself I'll have a hot dog which leads to a hamburger which leads to cheesy fries...pizza....ice cream...cookies...my god it's insane. There will always be hot dogs and pizza...they have their place, I will not tell myself "No more cookies, cake, pie,....for you!!!" It DOESN'T work. A balance must be found.

I am more certain now than ever that emotions/less than perfect situations trigger my over eating, learning to cope when things are not "golden" is very important (for me), because when things start going sideways - for whatever reason - I run for the chips, dip, etc. That's messed up. There are millions of people who eat in response to hunger, not anxiety, happiness, sadness...I want to be one of those people.

I'll turn to food even in ANTICIPATION of a stressful event or situation, and THAT is where I must focus my efforts. I can clean out my cupboards, exercise like a fiend, log every calorie, and adhere to a nutritionally sound eating plan....but........without addressing the triggers to which I am conditioned to respond....NOTHING will change.

It makes me think of the Little Albert experiment (very interesting, although unethical, I wonder what issues that little guy grew up dealing with).

Enough self analysis for now....time to look forward to a rock n roll party (I want to see how many middle aged, big hair, Banger Sisters are at this 50th anniversary party!) :sing:

RoxyRoller 01-11-2014 11:37 AM

Had a FANTASTIC time! I have a head cold from hell. Drinking tons of tea with lemon and had a bowl of chicken soup. Not going anywhere except to bed. This sucks.

Seabreezes 01-11-2014 01:01 PM

Loved your poem and reading your posts.

JUDDD has been great for me......hopefully it will be for you too!

RoxyRoller 01-13-2014 04:48 PM


Originally Posted by Seabreezes (Post 16752706)
Loved your poem and reading your posts

Thanks so much!

RoxyRoller 01-13-2014 04:55 PM

If I eat one more bowl of chicken soup I'm going to grow feathers! Talk about wiped out! Cipro to the rescue! I should weigh....but I think I'll stick to a couple times a month. I am appalled by the volumes of weight loss commercials...TV is so boring! Getting back in the swing....that's what I get for burning the candle at both ends.

LoCarbGal 01-14-2014 08:57 AM

I really love weighing less often, although it was kind of difficult mentally at first. You may find it really agrees with you, too.

Oh, those weight loss ads you can't avoid in January every year! Horrible! Just so glad we've found the perfect plan, and know what to do. :shake:

greengeeny 01-14-2014 12:01 PM

Unfortunately, t.v. can be very misleading. They only tell the success stories. And, the crazy success stories. Lost 40 lbs eating McDonalds. Drink this, it helped me lose 60 lbs in one month. Etc, etc, etc. If it were that easy, everyone would be doing it. McDonald's wouldn't be a leader in contributing to obesity. AND...with it being the new year, all of the new you commercials, news stories, etc are being blasted. Watch netflix. Or dvr your shows. Seriously, fast forward through those commercials, because really...who wants to be disappointed when they aren't losing 60 lbs in one month? Who wants to question if they are doing this right? I say doing anything that I wasn't doing yesterday is doing this right. I don't exercise everyday. I had terrible knees, and until recently could not even walk comfortably, but for every pound down, 4 lbs of pressure are taken off of your knees. I finally just started doing squats. And, they don't hurt. So, today, I am doing squats. I am still not lapping around the block. (1. its too cold 2. I am taking baby steps) Plus, I completely believe (now that I have lost over 40 lbs without exercise) that exercise is overrated. It helps TONE your body, but really, I don't think it helps you lose weight. It will make you feel healthier, and you will see faster definition, but if it's uncomfy to do, don't push it so fast. Baby steps.

I never did JUDD. I can't even imagine eating up days and down days. That is just me. I need more consistency. I like having meals lol. BUT...I don't count carbs or calories either. I will save that for when I am closer to goal. For now, in my head, I try to stay under 20 carbs per day. I am not perfect...but something is working :)

A lot of people lose weight with lc because they choose to think of food as just food. I can't do that. Food is my hobby for christs sake!! I have been collecting recipes for years!! I have the best cooking utensils and pots and pans. I have a new stove and refridgerator. I would go nuts, and probably give up, if I thought of food as just food. So...I didn't. I thought of lc as a new challenge for my hobby. I am constantly trying new recipes. I have made nachos, pizza, cakes, cheesecakes, you name it, I have low carbed it. And I am not nearly done. I have rewritten some of my fave recipes to make them low carb. I have my children eating foods and they don't even really know what it is. I take pictures of my food. I share my recipes. I have redesigned my hobby. I will not restrict myself to never have cakes and goodies again. I will make them low carb instead. And, some are great, some are okay, and some I will never make again. But, the ones that turn out....YUM> All of my friends are jealous. They are asking me, the fat girl in the bunch, how I am losing weight. I tell them low carb, but they don't want to believe me. They say, no really...what are you doing?? Silly friends.

I just was reading through your journal, and wanted to pipe in. JUDD works for a lot of people, but it isn't the only plan out there. I have NEVER had a plan, and I am fine. Finding out your triggers is important, but once you do, learn to embrace them, learn to control them. I am not sure others love food as much as I do, and I know a lot of people can't just embrace food, but I cannot imagine a day of just drinking coffee with heavy whipping cream as my breakfast :) I would much rather have a burger!!

RoxyRoller 01-14-2014 07:51 PM

Hey all....today is first day I can say "I'm feeling better"..not 100% but better. I still get tonsillitis at this age....crazy.

Anyway, I had oatmeal for breakfast and yogurt for lunch. Dinner was taco meat/salad but I can't taste 100%....so......didn't eat much.

I appreciate all replies. It's very interesting to read what works for others and ALL feedback, insight, suggestions are genuinely welcome.

Being flat on me arse these past few days has put me behind on so much....housework, meal planning, grocery shopping ...ugh....going to bed to get some restful sleep...stay tuned.

RoxyRoller 01-15-2014 09:07 PM

Good evening...today was interesting. I have my tastebuds fully functioning and I had a great food day. Total calories 1526, carbs 37. I am haunted by the spectre of menopause. If menopause had a face it would be laughing, crying, raging, sweating, freezing, all at once with a huge Hershey bar in one hand and a baseball bat in the other. The devil has the power to assume a pleasing shape......so does menopause...it is that evil. The Rolling Stones were right..."what a drag it is getting old".

I must grocery shop tomorrow though I dread being in a public place where idiots abound...the ones who cough, hack, sneeze and don't have the common courtesy to cover their mouths..ooh...I want to say vile things to them.

Back tomorrow ....unless zombies eat me.

RoxyRoller 01-17-2014 11:55 AM

Zombies didn't eat me....
So busy. I fought the urge to weigh as long as I could, and was pleasantly surprised this morning to see 295 in the window! I will take that, progress is progress.

I've been reading more on the psychological aspects of overeating versus chemical imbalances; as I understand it, it's the overeating that causes the chemical imbalance as opposed to a chemical imbalance causing the overeating. Now, I'm sure there are exceptions to that both neurological and biological (see Prader Willi syndrome, caused by deletion of part of a chromosome and is classified as a genetic disease).

In my case there is definitely a "conditioned response" component, a learned behavior, something that has been embedded and thus is done without thinking, like driving the same route every day - you know how sometimes you'll be driving and realize you were on "auto pilot" for a bit?

So, I will focus on breaking the habit and making friends with food. I truly envy people who can enjoy things like pizza, ice cream, cookies, and not feel like they've committed a cardinal sin. The trick? Well, I'm sure they don't eat it every day, but, they do eat it once in a while (cuz really, as much as I LOVE pizza, if I had to eat it EVERY day I'd eventually get sick of it, no longer enjoy it, and dread having to eat it).

Things we tell ourselves we "should" eat versus things we actually "want" to eat; I'm not talking about eating nutritionally void junk food. For example, I want egg salad for lunch, however, I had 2 eggs this morning, so, I'm telling myself "you should have a salad or soup for lunch", I rebut with the whiny voice of Eric Cartman from Southpark...""but maaaaaaaa, I want egg salad"...and thus it begins, the conflict, the inner argument, how STUPID is that? It's not as though I'd exhaust any more calories eating soup versus egg salad after I figured it out. I'm having the damn egg salad in a lettuce wrap! Campbells you lose!

I am already worrying about Super Bowl, we are the gathering spot, the bowls of queso, chips, dips, jalapeno poppers, wings, sliders....I think I'm hyperventilating :stars:. How horrendous it is to feel this....FEAR.....when it comes to food. I will refocus myself to enjoy the game, friends, and not let old habits screw with me. As a kid, we would ALWAYS celebrate with tons of food, and if you didn't make a noticeable dent in it - you would be given the stink eye and a dose of guilt "what's wrong? you hardly ate anything [when actually we all had consumed more than enough], I spent a lot of time making everything, the LEAST you could do is eat it!" ...ha!, you see!? No wonder I'm nuts.

Gotta go....back soon.

LoCarbGal 01-17-2014 12:08 PM

I like your analysis of the whole eating/overeating issues, Roxy. It takes a lot of self exploration on this journey. I have learned so much about myself during this last 2 years. About my eating triggers, trigger foods, appetite, etc. You are already way ahead of where I was, mentally, at that stage.

I have truly learned a better relationship with food, like you mentioned. I find I can have a treat, pizza, whatever occasionally and be just fine, and still lose. It's when I go hog wild and eat tons of carbs day after day that I get into trouble. I should know that by now, and I still have to relearn it every time.

I love your Eric Cartman whine! Sounds very familiar.

Good going on your weight. Well under the "3" number, and on down from here. You can do it!

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