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Old 12-12-2013, 01:29 PM   #1
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17 and on a diet for 10 years.

I probably won't update this a lot, or ever. This is just kind of a cry for help, if you will.

That beginning was a bit cold and depressing, I'm sorry ;;. It's been a weird day. But this isn't what this is about, yet. This will be very cut and dry, usually my writing is pretty liquid but today has been weird, as stated.

For starters, I've been doing the fat fast since Tuesday of this week! Gained weight, though. Three lbs (99.9% sure its water weight). It might be because last night I took a piece of chocolate from my advent calender (hardly an inch thick, hardly an inch wide and long) and instead of throwing it out I thought about what I've eaten lately and said "the hell with it, I can afford this".

I couldn't, my stomach was in the worst state in a while. I managed to choke down a "low carb" hot chocolate after eating the tiny piece of chocolate, not the best idea.

That aside, Thanksgiving really screwed me up for a while there. I was at a solid 150, maybe 148 (can't know for sure since my scale is wacky, needs to be rest every time I weigh myself or else it'll take away four lbs). I had high hopes and felt as if I could really pull through without a cheat. Little did I know my father would be the one to buy a three layer cake.

Long story short, I ate some cake and felt so bad. I weighed myself that night, "148lbs". I didn't reset it, though, so 152.

Two days afterwards, 156. Ha ha ha.
Hoo boy. What a let down. To put it flatly, there was practically steam coming from my ears.

Moving on, since then my weight has fluctuated a lot. I finally made it back down to 150ish by the beginning of this month. I've essentially plateaued since then.

As for eating, it hasn't been to great. It gets okay but then I think I'm eating too much, and I'm starting to fear even eating vegetables! I don't want to consume any carbs, its getting pretty bad. I don't think I've eaten over 10g in the past week or so.

I don't have much time to eat during the day, given I don't like being in the cafeteria and I don't sit with anyone, so to the media center it is! I don't eat until I get home and when I get home I'm usually snacking until my mother gets home, and she's been pretty obedient with my diet (I've been teaching her what has carbs and sugars, what is a carb, etc etc etc, she's learning. slowly but surely ). She never eats much bread anyways, so that's good. She's into sugar, though. She has some sugar cookies in the pantry right now but I haven't been tempted to eat them lately (when I was, I would chew it and spit it out, thinking I'm getting the taste but not the actual "nutrients" in it, I'm probably wrong).

This is all nonsense that this whole spiel could have done without, and there's so much more-- maybe I'll talk about it later if I decide to update more.

History, check. Back to present! *zoom* For breakfast (at roughly 5am) I had an atkins shake and water bottle. I probably snacked on some pepperoni, too. Went to school and came back at 2:30, ate some pork rinds with mayo (really great alternative to chips and dip! don't miss chips one bit ) and snacked on some more pepperoni. Just had another atkins shake with a water bottle and salad.

As for later, don't know. I was thinking of trying to make mac and cheese with cauliflower (I've made pizza crust with it and it is out of this world, but I'm not in the mood to make it tonight) when I realized I could just melt some cheese over it and it'll be the same (verses baking it and blah blah blah). I've tried mac and cheese with tofu sub but talk about tasteless.

*deep breath* ANYWHO, I'm not one to whine like I did here, I generally have a nice time hiding it all but I've gotten so used to talking about this/have been needing to talk to people who understand and won't tell me to stop with this diet, that its become second nature.

I'll explain the title shortly. Short and sweet. Yeah, so 10 years... dieting? Simple math states I was 7. I know, very young and it seems I'm exaggerating, but it was on and off, of course. My "dieting" at this age was starving, unfortunately. Didn't do much. I've never been happy with myself, even at a tender age of 7, shouldn't you be playing around outside? Yeah, I was, but I just never liked looking in the mirror, I always looked at other girls and thought "I wish I looked like that" I would be lying if I said I didn't do that to this day.

On a brighter note, looking in the mirror is a little easier. Thank goodness! Still have a hard time, but I'm working on it.

Man, I'm usually a lot funnier and lighthearted, but today, its just one of those days, you know? Maybe I should eat some more, heh. What do youse guys recommend as my dinner? Maybe a bacon salad?

Edit: Oop! Completely forgot to talk about my exercise. During the summer, I walked for 3 hours. Sometimes I ran, sometimes I did a workout video. Lately, its been workout videos (HIIT) due to the cold weather. We just got snow, too, woop!

Last edited by jhope; 12-12-2013 at 01:37 PM..
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Old 12-13-2013, 07:58 AM   #2
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It's only 10AM but I figured I can write something that isn't diet related. I just was thinking its funny how people don't seem to go for people they really connect with.

This is going to be a cliche teenage girl post about boys and whatnot and I apologize in advance. *crowd booing*

Before Thanksgiving there was a boy who asked me out, which was a first. Long story short, I didn't like him but said yes anyways (the word "no" isn't fully engraved in my vocabulary yet). We went on a date, I ran my mouth about anime and kpop (I did this because I knew it would run him away, ha ha HA), managed to get a cold through all of this, didn't go to school next day to tell him I just want to be friends, later that day (as it appears I'm battling a cocaine addiction with the amount of sniffling I was doing) while cleaning the kitchen, he texts me saying he'd rather be friends (what a run-on, you can breathe now). Sure, I was happy that I didn't have to do it, but then it made me think...

He probably only asked me out because I might have looked like I was somewhat appealing to him. He didn't bother even getting to know me prior to asking me out; he had no idea what my favorite color was. He only asked me out because I was moderately pretty to him and spoke to him like a human, so I guess he decided "why not ask this chick out". To be honest, I feel a little sorry for him because I know I disappointed (and probably creeped him the hell out) real bad.

Boys go for girls they think are pretty, once they find out there is absolutely nothing they have in common - they flee. (obligatory snooty "typical")

I suppose this weight loss I had over the summer has been a little noticeable, though. I know when I was at 170 there was not one boy who would take a second glance at me. Some might have because, hey, fat girl! No one would have dared asked me out, so, in light, I guess it was a bit of reassurance that I'm doing... okay.

I digress-- this is meant to be about my weight strictly, right? And meals? Right. Yes. Well for breakfast I had one pork roll rolled with cream cheese, and french vanilla coffee (I honestly have no idea what the difference is between french vanilla and regular vanilla, but it makes you sound more sophisticated) and poured some of my french vanilla atkins shake in it, and a bottle of water. When I get home I'm so making the cauliflower crust pizza-- pizza Fridays, am I right?? Hell yeah. Then a nice workout video to get my spirits back up (I did one last night, given the random boost of energy I was feeling, whoopie~). Hopefully tomorrow is nice, its supposed to snow again and shoveling our walkway will be some nice exercise!!
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Old 12-14-2013, 11:09 PM   #3
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Hi jhope!

You zapped me back to the year I was 17...overweight, eating lunch by myself and even long before that, not liking what I saw in the mirror. My face was covered in zits and gray hairs were already sprouting from my head. Someone told me the high school years would be the best years of my life, yeah right! If a boy ever looked my way I'd just keep my eyes to the ground because there's no way someone would be interested in me.

And as another person told me, I'd outgrow my "akwardness" but I didn't believe them either...

Fast forward to the present! I'm 50, been married 25 years. two kids - both joined the military(to get away from me? haha!)My face still breaks out occasionally and I get positive comments on my pretty gray hair(who woulda thought?)and I've yo-yo dieted for years. Is there a happy ending to the story? Does the ugly duckling become a swan? Hell, I don't know, my story ain't over yet!

ok, get to the point...oh, was I supposed to have one? Oh yeah, you didn't ask for advice so I won't give you any. But wait, I'm 50, I can dish out unsolicited advice if I want to:

Your weight will fluctuate crazily. I know, you already figured this one out! Get rid of the "wacky scale" or just weigh yourself once a week

Keep posting! This is your journal, it doesn't strictly have to be about weight loss. You have a great writing style and it's a great way to express yourself and you do that so well.

Be kind to yourself. The things I've told myself I would never say to another human being. I guess that's all for now, I wouldn't want to dump my years of wordly experience on you all at once, lol...
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Old 12-15-2013, 05:38 AM   #4
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Your post made me think about the fact that since my late teens there's hardly been a day of my life that I haven't thought about my weight. Even when at my healthiest, best weight I feared gaining pounds and if I did gain I worried about the difficulty of losing. It is unsettling to realize that my concern about this issue has been ever present and consistent throughout the years. When you mentioned having the concern since age ten it made me wonder whether this issue concerns everyone to this degree. Do only women worry about it? Well, weight certainly affects health and attention is required for accomplishment so it's not necessarily a bad thing. It was just starting to realize how constant the presence of this issue has been.
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Old 12-16-2013, 07:59 AM   #5
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Oh wow people actually said some thing! Heh, well hello all~!

I'm kind of glad I was able to bring you guys back -- well, maybe not so much since these aren't very fond memories but, its nice to remember where you were and see where you are now (I suppose).

@Lolagetz, yeah, I wonder if its just something all girls deal with from an early age. I suppose so considering so many ads and beautiful people are thrown our way from all sides. TV, billboards, magazines we see in stores while sitting in that square box in the cart, and even just women around us.

I just typed out two solid paragraphs relating back to our ancestors but realized the point I was trying to make was too far-fetched... hm.

Well, yes, I would say about 80% of girls already have a problem with their body by age 8. A child's mind is very impressionable, and if she has a mother or friend or sister who has issues and openly talks about them, the lil girl will see this (and if she looks up to her, especially) she'll start to think she needs to worry (to follow in their foot steps). You see where I'm going with this?

Yeah, nature vs nurture. Whether the women are born with an obsessive complex about their weight and appearance or whether it be women they glorify obsess, thus leading to them obsess, who knows. What came first, the chicken or the egg?

@kjwalsh
I appreciate your input so much; it made me smile . Thank you!!
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Old 12-17-2013, 07:59 AM   #6
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Had a roaring hunger this morning, which was a little aggravating. I suppose its the intermediate fasting I'm trying out. The fat fast to me had little difference from how I usually eat so that's out.

Yesterday I had coffee with heavy cream and truvia (I had no coffee today and I'm worrying I'm developing a dependency. Let's just say keeping my eyes open today is nearly impossible. How I'm typing this now? I guess comatose states allow this in special situations) I ate two pieces of grilled chicken last night (marinated in italian dressing, hoo boy, talk about tasty) with some cooked spinach and then had a tangerine (I figured it was ok since I haven't eaten fruit in a while, plus I ate nothing until 630pm~ish), and a good serving of pepperoni. I love my pepperoni.

Drank three water bottles through the midst of this, and about two when I got home. One of which contained some electrolytes and B vitamins (thank you, Mio liquid, though I try to limit you, sigh).

I tried to work in a body weight exercise routine before eating but that was not going to happen. Maybe next time.

Aside from all this, I weighed myself like crazy yesterday because my scale was being extra temperamental (yeah I really need a new scale). I kept giving me the number 144. PSH, I wish, but I have no room for your games. I took the batteries out, put 'em back, 146/148. It couldn't decide which number to deceive me with.

So I haven't lost weight-- yet, its been stuck at 152 for a while now. It crawls to 153.4 sometimes (after I've eaten, of course). Heck, who knows how much I weigh anymore. I just want a toned body. I've read a lot yesterday about weight training and the number may not budge but your body will show the progress. Erg. Ok, this was a jumbled mess.

I'll try not to step on the scale until I see more improvements in my physical appearance.
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Old 12-17-2013, 09:43 AM   #7
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honey, stop weighing yourself compulsively!


Our weight fluctuates crazily with water--hormones, exercise, etc--pick a pair of pants that you like and use those to assess how you are doing. I know, I've been there--and it is easy to obsess about the numbers rather than to have confidence that you are doing something very positive for yourself and your health.
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Old 12-18-2013, 07:58 AM   #8
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Did I type intermediate?? I meant intermittent, oh jeez.

As for ouizoid, I know... somewhat. I think it'll take a while for that to sink in. Until then I'll just trash my scale, my mother knew I would obsessively weigh myself but somehow I convinced her to get it for me. In a way I'm kind of glad because I knew how much weight I gained (I was apparently 142 in late July [I weighed myself in a Bed Bath and Beyond, but that scale could have been busted as well], but then school happened and I read an article that discouraged me from going further with this diet, but after I saw I gained 13lbs [water weight, yes] and was at 155, I had to do much more research. So that's what I did, and here I am, racking my brain with tons of information and science.)

woopie doo.
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Old 12-18-2013, 11:57 PM   #9
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Isn't the technology these days awesome? The high school I went to hadn't installed computers yet for students so we researched stuff in those good ol' outdated encyclopedias, lol. And I remember avoiding eggs because they were "bad" for you. Anyways...there's a lot of info out there and you just have to figure out what's right for YOU. Just tackle it now! or someday you'll be at the half century mark(like me!), still trying to loose those same pounds.

I wish I could get my mom to go low carb, she's diabetic and she says she's trying while thinking I don't see the package of sugar cookies she just put in her basket! She zips around the store in one of those motorized carts so I just stay out of her way...
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Old 12-19-2013, 12:26 AM   #10
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What Pittsburgh Can Teach The Rest Of The Country About Living Well

just read this on Huffpo!
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Old 12-20-2013, 02:46 PM   #11
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I almost almost made it through today without cheating.

It was the last day before break and I was handing out candy canes and starbursts to the uncaring people. I wasn't tempted at all, I just wanted to eat something because my stomach was recording an album called Growl.

Twelfth period strolls up seductively, only another twenty minutes left of this day (half day can I get a- no, no never mind) when I catch two friends (who happen to be in the same class, oh, fate, you work in mysterious ways) that I still need to give gifts to. I gave them both their stuff when my one friend offers me some cake (she knows about my diet, so she said she cut me a small slice, and I couldn't refuse, that's way too thoughtful).

I think about it for a bit, and once again play the "oh what the hell!" card. I told myself over and over again not to make a big deal of it, but I did anyways (that's why I'm talking about it now, heh). I think I was more upset not by the carbs or sugar but because I read an article on100daysofrealfood how food companies exploit americans with ingredients banned in other countries yesterday and my eyebrows were knitted so closely it was as if I had a worm's sweater on my forehead. This article really upset me and it only drove my conspiracy theories about America further to truth. I am heavily considering moving out of here (The UK always seemed appealing-- maybe even Germany, hell, maybe Korea. I better get ready to switch languages before its too late.)

I leave, rush to my study skills class to only be burdened by more sweets. It all started because I offered the five other people in the class if they wanted my last candy cane. Someone wanted it, but he just so happened to have extra cookies from his chef's lab class. In return of my candy cane, he offered a cookie. Let's just say if I had a superpower, it would NOT be having the amazing ability of standing my ground/saying no.

I guilitly reached into the bag and reached for the smallest one; a snickerdoodle. Never ate one before, and I don't know why they don't just call it a sugar cookie instead of that ridiculous name. It was alright, very floury, but I doubt the kid wants to be a baker when he grows up.

As I sit feeling an intense feeling of guilt, the I.C.S teacher comes in with a deep container, roughly 15 brownies sprawled about it. The perfume of them held in most of my classes (so many girls bake them around the holidays, and though my stomach gurgled with malice and the corners of my mouth sizzled with the thought of the-- yeah, you get the picture... anyways. Anyways, I was able to resist, probably because nobody offered me any but also because I didn't want to ruin my functioning.

Now, she knows about my diet, but she said "you say no but your face says yes" and, well, yeah, I was never a big chocolate eater/sweet tooth until I made a mental note not to eat those types of "foods". Funny how when you tell yourself NOT to eat something, you want to. I love reverse psychology.

She is such a nice woman, a very caring soul and a soft spoken nature but really so so sweet. I wonder if I gained a cavity just having talked to her. To be nice (what an excuse to eat sweets, tsk tsk tsk), I asked her to give me half of the smallest brownie she had, and so she complied.

I'm not sure if it was a good brownie just because it was a good brownie or if it was because it was made by her, thus anything given by her is good, but it was good.

To cut the rest of this short:
  • Came home feeling crappy (emotionally and physcially until the sugar kicked in, was a bit hyper for an hour, couldn't stop talking)
  • Went out with da momma, got a few things
  • Went to eat at Chili's, mood dropped further because of the abundance of carby food.
  • Found grilled chicken slathered in some cheese and mushrooms with a side of brocolli and rice (hold the rice!)
  • Was awful, didn't finish, partly because I felt I ate too much already and half because the dish just wasn't satisfying
  • Ate almost half of the [full] chicken we have (its quite small, but...)

Thankfully, my friend was overjoyed that I gave her anything and sent me a message on skype saying she's having a lot of "feels" (which basically means she's overjoyed). She's Chinese, and because of customs in her family and with her other friends, present-giving/receiving doesn't happen often, and it made me happy that I made her happy by some ironic stickers and candy (I really shouldn't give candy out to people when I sit around and talk trash about it).

Overall, today wasn't much of a roller coaster- it was like Kingda Ka, up up up up up up up, brilliantly building up excitement in a short amount of time just to drop straight down in a matter of seconds. Then another small hill randomly thrown in there. You can interpret this however you like, because I have no idea what I meant by it.

Today might have been a bust but tomorrow is a new day. Tonight's exercise is difficult to choose, I think a HIIT workout will help burn off the sugary carbs I ate today but I think my mood is too weighed to do it. But, if its a must, then I must. Workouts produce endorphins and all that jazz.

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Old 12-20-2013, 10:35 PM   #12
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jhope, I love your descriptive writing(twelfth period strolls up seductively)you must get A's in English!

I read the article and I had never even heard of GMO's before last week when Whole Foods decided to pull some yogurt of their shelves because of them. Companies just keep adding these ingredients to keep us addicted. There's even large conventions that, sell to restaurants, every year, just have more chemicals to add colors, smell and flavors so our brains tell us these foods are appealing. Scary!

And then there's the "caught on camera" type shows on TV where restaurant workers are spitting on the food and peeing in the pickle jars. I'm almost afraid to eat out anymore but when I do, I make sure I don't piss anybody off, lol.

Oh yeah, I posted the article on Pittsburgh and forgot to mention that my sister lives there, haha. I was just there in May and I try to go every year, I love visiting. When I mention it to people, there's always a negative comment(isn't it dirty there?)so it was nice to see something good

Anyway, had a good day today as far as keeping it low carb, mainly to make up for some "cheats" the day before. It is a tough time of year with people bringing in cookies and stuff but I figured at least I didn't allow myself to turn it into an all week binge like I used to("blew it this week, restart diet on Monday!")It's good to know I have better control over it than I used to

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Old 12-21-2013, 03:52 AM   #13
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I completely agree with kj. Your writing is wonderful; I loved reading this. It was compelling, entertaining yet serious in it's depiction of how we must struggle to overcome addictions.

I have been very distressed over the GMO issue and frustrated that other countries (those in Europe, South America and even an unregulated place like China) ban them while we in the States can't even get legislation requiring labeling passed because large corporations like Monsanto control our politicians and our electoral process. It says a lot that these big companies are unwilling to label their GMO products. We have a right to know what we are putting into our mouths and bodies; we have a right to know what is in the food we eat. Just label it.

I hope you will keep writing, jhope. I want to read more from you. Have a great day today.
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Old 12-22-2013, 05:39 PM   #14
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Oh wow I didn't expect people to comment anything about how I write, I'm quite flattered

I actually don't believe I've ever gotten an A in English...hm... that's curious.

Anyways, I'm glad to hear you're doing well, kj! Congrats on your willpower! This time of year I think is a struggle for everyone, even the people who claim to be careless about their weight. You can see it in their eyes. I won't go anymore into that as... it'll be a bit eccentric.
But, I read that article, and I was a little surprised by that, but its interesting there's just one city in the whole US of A that mulls everyone over with their intelligence. NYC is usually my go-to city (probably because I'm 45 mins away from it) but this gets the gears goin in my head.
As for the eating out- my mother is afraid of the same thing when we go out to eat, unfortunately my father and I are quite comfortable eating out (we're slightly lazy when it comes to cleaning up after ourselves, though I've been pretty good lately its just nice to eat and flee). She thinks they'll drop something and put it back on the plate, or that they don't thoroughly clean her dish or something. I guess its a healthy fear, if you look at it a certain way. I shouldn't be this comfortable eating out but I am. Oh well.

I totally agree with you, Lola. Its ridiculous that we march around on our pretty white horse claiming we're "great" while we mash silly putty between our teeth. America is just one big hungry hippo.

On a selfish note, my eating hasn't been too great since Friday. I went out to eat again at Applebees with my mom and I tried my best to pick the least carby thing (I looked up on my phone to see what was ok). I got a 7oz steak that came with garlic potatoes and broccoli. I did swipe some potatoes (I failed to mention for them not to give me any, partly because of the waitress rushed away before it registered......but then again that could be me making excuses). But I totally did a 45 min HIIT workout when I got home, and I felt great. I didn't realize how much my arms and fingers quivered after doing something like that, but it was a good feeling. I used to be exhausted after doing that one particular video, but not anymore! There are some improvements here!

But about the potatoes... I actually read on another site potatoes are okay to an extent? Like, in moderation, they're a real/whole food-- why not eat them? I assume its the mashed that's the red flag because of the milk. I am not so sure how long I've truly been on LC, I want to say six months but I think its been more like one. They're probably better later on, when introducing more food like that happens and all the like.

Ah, well, my induction is almost over... right?

I mean, sure, I recently found out peanuts are no longer an allergen for me, and since then I've been slightly binging on them... let's forget that part... yeah. I think the amount of peanuts/natural peanut butter I've been eating in the past week can feed a small village for a month.

That's a bit of exaggeration, but wow, they're good. I can't believe I wasn't allowed to eat these for years. This should be illegal.

I need to open my horizons to different nuts, though. Macadamia nuts are good, right? I should probably check to see if tree nuts are okay before I decide all nuts are fine. I still have slight, oh so slight reactions to peanuts, like coughing, but that could be due to my inhalance of them.

I almost got sugar free pudding today, but decided not to get it until I've reached my goal weight and have a much better grasp on what makes me feel good mentally/physically and what doesn't. Right now its still foggy, but I know a lot of things make me a little uneasy mentally because everything I pick up always has sugar *cough* salad dressing *cough*. It gets tiresome having to make sure every minescule gram of whatever is checked in and mentally recorded. *** is strangely chore-like for me, I was never someone to record what I ate, usually because when I eat it isn't very cut and dry, its all estimates and I can never lie on those things. I'll feel weird not knowing but then underestimating/overestimating what I've eaten-- and then being disappointed in the end.

I'm pretty sure today I went over my carb limit, but hey, whatever. I worked out and probably burned some of it up.

By the way! You guys can call me Teresa. Heh, it's funny seeing people call me jhope, and all I think about is the lovely Korean boy as my icon (he's apart of a kpop/khiphop group called Bangtan Boys, who are just all striking to me, J-Hope especially) verses people just calling me that because I never provided a name.
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Old 12-23-2013, 12:39 PM   #15
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Exaggeration is nowhere to be found in this post when I say I've been eating everything in sight since 8am (its now 3pm). I can't believe it, and yesterday, too. I've just been eating every moment, I assume its because during the week I'm going ten or so hours without eating, and I have a six hour window to basically "make up" for my lack of eating.

I did a HIIT video at 11am, followed by a 10min kickboxing video, and a cool down. I tried doing another HIIT video (I know HIIT isn't good to do how I'm doing it, but...) but got thirteen mins in when I realized my energy storage tanks were bone dry. I guess the popcorn I ate was enough to fuel me for 40~mins of "intense" exercises.

I figure popcorn is somewhat okay? But I eat the white cheddar popcorn by SmartFood, which probably is not good, but I had a small snack bag yesterday and whoa.

Today I ate an apple and well, yeah, I weighed myself (probably not good since I've been eating all damn day) 153.8lbs. Whoopsies. I spent all that time and effort getting down to 150ish and keeping that range and yet again I manage to go above it.

Er, maybe this is the weight my body just wants to stay at. It just seems I can't get away from this number, or maybe I just need a new brain. My boredom skyrockets when I'm not in school (thus leads to me saying I enjoy school for the sole reason it keeps me busy and my brain is happy with the stimulation) and I would go for walks but my anxiety kicks in during the day and I have a hard time roaming around for I think people are staring out their windows and watching me. I only go for walks at night, and during the summer I'd leave whenever it got dark and I'd be gone for a good three hours.

I don't think I've really discussed what I did during the summer but in short I walked a lot and ate salads a lot (the dressing had 4g of sugar but I still lost weight! I don't eat salads as often because of the dressing, maybe I should use it again, I mean, if I rationalize...). I think I even ate apples quite a bit... yet I still lost weight. During the summer, I don't remember following my carb count as closely as I am now, and I'm gaining weight doing so. I wonder if its just better for me to follow my body's needs rather than plan everything out/keep track? I rebel more when I keep track, or so it seems.

It could also be the lousy time of year for people trying to change their eating habits. The cold weather can really be discouraging, even though I like the cold (mostly because I can hide behind layers of clothes and scarves).

Whatever the case may be, I'm hesitant to go back to my summer eating habits, only because I'm afraid I'll gain more [water] weight. I don't want to undo anything I've recently done.

Never thought I'd be one of those people constantly on about what they're eating, yet here I am.

Edit: I think I should add in what kind of snacks I've been inhaling-
Basically just pepperoni, peanuts, [extra sharp] cheddar cheese, pork rinds, had a salad (with Parmesan cheese and simple olive oil and vinegar dressing, which is gross but if it means no sugar, then I guess I'll suck it up) and spinach and egg drop soup (which I added some chicken to), and a few handfuls of popcorn here and there. I also had some celery with peanut butter yesterday, I'll probably try them with cream cheese later on heh.

Last edited by jhope; 12-23-2013 at 12:47 PM..
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Old 12-23-2013, 03:21 PM   #16
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Wow I've written here twice today, it seems I've got a lot to say right now.

The only thing I really wanna say here is that at this time last year I was roughly 182 (which, at the time, made me giggle because of blink-182, my all time favorite band, and the 182 on the scale...) it didn't really register to me that I was almost at 200lbs, I remember having dreams about me reaching and even toppling the 200s (now I'm just having dreams of eating cake and cookies and pizza and feeling the guilt even in my sleep, oh jeez). By the end of January (of this year) I dropped 10lbs. I don't know what I did, honestly, I think it was just after the holidays and whatever eating habits/exercising I was doing helped lose the 10.

From then on I was starting to keep an eye on what I was eating, and what exercises I was doing. I went to Boston for a convention in March and I remember that was the time I was using the stupid and complete waste of money that is Sensa. I'll have you know right now I've used diet pills in the past, in 2011 was the first encounter. I first used Slimquick, I remember feeling the caffeine give me a boost and I think there were some results. I remember taking a picture and my face looking slimmer and sitting on the bus a certain way that made my thighs look smaller. But that's it, didn't have a scale to back up my delusions.

The second time I used a green tea extract (I heard about this from Dr. Oz, I think this was sometime in 2012, can't put an exact time frame). That did nothing.

Third and final time, was actually this past September. When I went to Bed Bath and Beyond and weighed myself and saw 142 (I really really don't want to believe I weighed that less, and managed to screw it up in one month), my logic was completely thrown off. I went back on Slimquick thinking "hey, this'll help with the last 20lbs!". Ugh, if I lost 30lbs without the help of a stupid "weight loss supplement", why the hell did I think I would need one to lose a measly 20lbs?!

That's when I found the article that said its better for you to not do a low carb diet. So, at first, I tried to slowly reintroduce carbs back. The first meal, aka, the downfall, I ate was a fried egg and a slice of toast. The next thing I knew I was browsing the granola bar isle and buying loads of apples and bananas (which isn't bad!! but it isn't ideal at the moment) and eating bread by the loaf. It was truly tragic because I could see and even feel the [water] weight piling back on. I still walked/ran/did occasional exercise videos. I distinctly remember feeling too crappy to even get past 10mins, now, 45+ mins, no problemo.

I think, psychologically, I feel better with carbs, but physically, I feel awful. That right there isn't a good sign. Its mostly known that carbs provide endorphins (as does exercise, but its much easier to consume happiness than work for it) so I think when I decrease my intake my brain goes into panic mode, "where's my dose of emotional numbness?! where?!" and then I start crying as I gaze at leafy greens and fantasize about the times I couldn't care less about what I was putting in my mouth.

That could explain why I am 139% more emotional and have an inclination to actually talk about my feelings, whereas when I was shoving all of Italy's supply of pasta in my mouth, the way I dealt with them was to eat. It still kind of is, but with less carbs. Or, I'm just growing more mature. Either way, I think I'm in a much better spot now than I was a year ago.

To post pictures or to not post pictures...

Last edited by jhope; 12-23-2013 at 03:24 PM..
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Old 12-25-2013, 05:09 AM   #17
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Stopping by to send greetings, Teresa, and wish you a wonderful hol.

Just caught up on reading your journal postings. I'm like your mom to some degree regarding eating out but I just put it out of my mind so I can enjoy my meal when we do eat at restaurants. Sometimes there is a degree of truth in the saying "what you don't know won't kill you"; I figure anyway there is little chance that a meal eaten out now and then will hurt me.

I too like nuts and love peanut butter. In fact I got rather addicted to one particular brand of organic crunchy peanut butter...so addicted that I had to totally give it up as I could never stop at eating just one spoonful.

I think I actually feel better on a low carb diet; my experience is that I'm less sluggish and my brain fog has lifted. I'm also no longer experiencing the arthritis discomfort which had troubled me for so long and I hope that effect of the LC approach to eating lasts. I am eating some veggies every day but am sticking with low carb things like lettuce and green beans. I usually have salad every day but never use bottled dressings. Instead I just use oil and vinegar on greens and mayo for chicken, tuna or egg salad. I think salads taste better like this than with bottled dressings anyway since those things that come in a bottle can sometimes have an off-putting almost chemical taste.

I don't think those diet pills are safe. Who knows what is in them. Even using something like Slimfast doesn't seem like a good idea. After all, as soon as you stop using those things and return to your regular diet you will just regain the weight. Better to change your approach to food and eating and find a healthy diet like LC which you can continue for life.

Have a great day, Teresa, and keep us posted regarding how things are going for you. Take care and stay sweet.
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Old 12-26-2013, 12:50 AM   #18
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Hello Teresa! Hoping you had a great Christmas! We had a "Christmas Breakfast" I work in the record room in a hospital that's staffed 24/7 and I drew the short straw for the day so we just kinda work around it. My mom and her hubby(Poppa Harry)came over. I made my sausage/egg bake and my hubby made pancakes and bacon, of course! Poppa Harry kept the conversation going, talking loudly because he can't hear himself despite the two hearing aides he wears. My mother kept dozing off despite his loud musings of the concealed/carry act and how we in IL should be allowed to carry guns. Which would be scary, since he doesn't see too well either! They gave us a fruit basket, which they had put together themselves, which I thought was very sweet and she also included one of my favorite snacks - caramel corn! It's from a store here that makes their own so it's not that stale stuff you get in a tin, omigosh is it good. I had hubby take it away from me!

Anyways...I agree with LolaG that diet pills/slimfast - not a good idea. Not to mention the money wasted on "miracle weight loss" gimmicks that just don't work. I know because I think I've tried them all! I wish I would have found this site years ago and the one sentence above which she states "better to change your approach to food..." It wouldn't have taken me this long for the lightbulb to come on. Like the caramel corn, a few short months ago I would have eaten the whole bag in one sitting(or until I felt sick, whichever came first)and like LolaG I have also been making my own salad dressing with oil and vinegar, which I've discovered a pomegranate flavored red wine vinegar and we just got a new olive oil store in town and I got a hazelnut oil which adds a nutty flavor.

As for apples and potatoes, I view them as "good carbs" so I don't think of them as off limits. Besides, the fiber is an added bonus and like you said yourself, moderation! and the way they are prepared. I never used to let a french fry get past me, lol.

Sorry if this all sounds like rambling mutterings! My name is Kim. I was never good at coming up with a clever screen name so I just always use the same one
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Old 12-27-2013, 05:15 PM   #19
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I guess I never made another post, I thought I did.

Well this post is going to be short, basically, I ate and ate and ate and had stuff I shouldn't have had and am now back up to 156lbs. Long story short my head hurts and my eyes are puffy.

I am glad to see you two are doing well, though. Its nice to see this way of life is working for some people. Keep on keepin on, and stay strong, you two.
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Old 12-27-2013, 11:46 PM   #20
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If you are up for a challenge:

Cut The Crap Challenge, Take 2

Starts Sunday!
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Old 12-28-2013, 04:34 PM   #21
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Thank you, Kim, for showing me that. I think I'm up for a challenge, there's no time to sulk.

Woop woop
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Old 12-28-2013, 05:00 PM   #22
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Today was weird, I think I ate as a reflex. My stomach growled before 5pm; all I ate was celery, two spoonfuls of peanut butter, a cube of cheese and a few handfuls of mixed nuts (with some dried cranberries, darn!). After that, I ate a good three+ oz of leftover sirloin (cold, I like meat cold for some reason) some more peanut butter, pepperoni (I really need to stay away from it), more of those nuts, a bowl of egg drop soup with spinach, and more celery. Oh, and I ate some kimchi, as breakfast and along with that whole string of nonsense.

It seems these past few days have been quite the struggle with food. I'm trying to keep my eating habits as they are when I'm in school (which is unintentional fasting for 8 hrs or so) but its very difficult when you actually have food at your disposal and nothing to really stop you except your flimsy self. Yesterday wasn't too bad as I walked to a few stores near me (this is when I got the kimchi, there's a neat Chinese market not even 5 mins away from me, I oughta shop there more, lots of interesting food there!) and that kept my hunger at bay.

I'm realizing now I'm probably eating way over my cals than I should be. I know they say counting cals on a low carb diet isn't needed but I think it is, to some extent, nice to know where you are with your cals, at least for me, maybe.

I tried to keep my... compulsive... weighing until whenever I truly think I was getting results but I couldn't help it today. I was about 151 (huh?!) early on in the day but then I went back up to 154~155. Water weight will be the end of me, I swear. I actually didn't drink much water today, I had roughly 35 oz. Not nearly enough.

I tried doing a HIIT workout today but a headache grew on me, so no exercise today.

Maybe its the nuts, or maybe I'm nuts, or maybe we're all nuts. We are all nuts but not nearly as nutty as we think we are. We only view nutty people, and project nuttiness onto ourselves. Where was I going with this? I don't know, I'm nuts.
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Old 12-29-2013, 02:45 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jhope View Post
Thank you, Kim, for showing me that. I think I'm up for a challenge, there's no time to sulk.

Woop woop
Yay!

Here's good article for ya:

Article: Why the Scale Lies
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Old 12-29-2013, 03:01 AM   #24
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I'm a little compulsive about weighing but only in the sense that I know if I don't regularly get on the scale and closely monitor my weight, the lbs will inevitably creep back on. But I would never weigh more than once a day, nor would I ever weigh after having eaten (or even with my clothes on!). I think I would drive myself nuts (and totally discourage myself) if I did weigh throughout the day.

I think I am like you in that, before eating VLC, I would often nibble at things (especially nuts, fruit and peanut butter) throughout the day and I had a tendency to overeat at meals. One reason I like eating VLC is that I seem to have very little desire, if any, to eat between meals and I also no longer find myself overeating at mealtime. I've thought that my diminished appetite may be at least in part due to the increased fat in my diet. Somehow it is easier for me to recognize the point at which I am satiated.

Anyway, I don't think you are nuts at all. And I hope you have a great day today.
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Old 01-01-2014, 03:42 PM   #25
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Impatiently waiting for the day the scale says something below the 150s. I realize most people would love to be in my shoes as that is either their goal or even less than their goal but for me I'm still a good 30+ away. Being 5'1 is not an easy thing to be when you're 153lbs, and it was a real struggle being 182. If I ever see that number again I might as well throw myself in front of a bus, because that just means I've failed myself.

I feel like I'm slowly creeping back to it, though. I mean, I exercise pretty good. Maybe I'm releasing too much cortisol from the HIIT workouts? I understand body weight workouts/weighted workouts yield better results physically (I am not mentioning many physical things b.c in my mind what the scale says = physicality) on this type of diet due to the protein amount. I just have it drilled in my brain that cardio is the key to lose weight and look fit, rather all types of exercise. Subconsciously I know that, but here in the now, I do not.

I often overlook these types of things, I did have many opportunities to go to the sporting goods store and buy the weights, but it just... "left" my mind. I suppose my diet is in the right spot, its just I'm flailing when it comes to exercise, because all I want to do is cardio. Fitnessblender on youtube has TONS of videos that I can choose from, many being cardio/HIIT + body weight, or full body toning (I highly recommend them to everyone!!). I think I need to make a schedule for myself; I am the worst with planning, so this'll be interesting.

BUT there's also the fact I want to lose weight before I build muscle, I think that's how it should work anyways, right? Lose your fat, then pile the muscle on. Unless it doesn't matter which order, as long as they're both done...

The one thing that's clear is that I definitely need to work on my upper body, though. I will admit, there's some improvement in my legs from all the walking and workout videos, but my upper body still looks weak and gross. I've still got the pesky versical fat making me look like I've got abs everywhere but on my actual abdominal. Its frustrating, being completely aware of the fat drooping from your back, making it look so sad. I sit and poke and pinch at the fat that accumulates around my ribs and wonder how in the world its going to go away.

The way I see it (from observation of many people), your torso (from a profile view) should be the same width as your arm. As in, when your arms are down, they should all be nicely balanced like that. But countless meetings with the mirror make me feel abnormal and grossly huge, and proved that my idea of what I should look like was the total opposite of how I really looked. The fat on my upper back is burdening and I've looked up exercises to do and I keep making plans to do them but pbbbshsbspspb.

I just want to look fit, and feel it, too. I don't want to accept myself how I am and the more I hear about accepting yourself the more I want to--.

Yeah, no need for details. I just need to exercise a lot more. My eating is fine, but my exercise is severely lacking. Let's hope this "cut the crap" challenge perks me up a bit.

화이팅! Hwaiting~!
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Old 01-02-2014, 07:51 AM   #26
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Happy New Year! I hope that this year, with all its exciting and new opportunities, will perk you up.

I also need to get more exercise to strengthen my thighs and tone my arms. I tend to hide my arms under long sleeves because although they are relatively slender they are flabby and unattractive. I wish I were not so lacking in motivation regarding exercise these days.

I think your determination may help inspire me to start doing something about my weak and flabby muscles (I hope).
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Old 01-05-2014, 03:10 PM   #27
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I hope my determination helps you out, Lola! Just think about how great your arms will look after you pick up weights for a few weeks-- trust me, they'll show once you get into it!

Like I mentioned, fitnessblender on youtube has some great workouts, over 900 videos of goodness!
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Old 01-05-2014, 03:49 PM   #28
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I recently purcahsed the book Wheat Belly and there's a recipe in it for flaxseed oatmeal. I was never truly a fan but I made it and its... kind of ok.

I don't eat it everyday, though, as flaxseed apparently can stall your bowels (hehehe) and the amount of flaxseed it calls for is about 24g of carbs aka my whole intake of carbs for the day. At least that's what I try to aim for, ain't no complaining when I go below that number.

But I recently found a love for brussels sprouts so I'm basically eating them everyday. All fresh, of course, and steamed to perfection. Sometimes I'll sautee them in the pan with some olive oil and garlic. Oooh yes~ I better try that with broccoli. Celery has become my bffl. I can't believe I used that term, ugh, but it truly has. I just love vegetables in general, maybe adding heaps more veggies will help the scale tip, just a bit? Or maybe its my first hypothesis of more exercise. Hell, I don't know anymore. Experiments will have to do until then.
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Old 01-08-2014, 01:24 AM   #29
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Hi Teresa & LolaG. I am also having trouble with motivation for exercise. Can we blame it on the weather? Is there really something to SAD "seasonal affective disorder"? My mom even called me today to look up a lamp that is supposed to make you feel "sunny" and there is such a thing! Kinda pricey tho...

Eating on plan is going pretty good. I like veggies too but still no love for Brussels sprouts!
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Old 01-09-2014, 03:05 AM   #30
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I'm like you in that I love veggies, Teresa, and have a special fondness for Brussels sprouts. Your prep method sounds delicious. We usually just steam and butter but your recipe sounds much more sophisticated. I can't use flax seed very often for the very reason you mention.

Kim, one of my docs once told me she thought I has SAD and recommended that I get such a lamp. I never followed up on it because at the time I kind of pooh-poohed the idea of SAD. These days, however, I'm a believer since I can really see how much better I feel mentally and physically during the months I can spend time outdoors in the sun. I've flirted with the idea of getting one of those lamps but haven't pursued it. Maybe I should. Do you remember what they're called?

Have a wonderful day. I hope it is sunny (and warmer) for all. Please share more of your yummy sounding recipes, Teresa.
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