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Old 04-28-2014, 11:55 AM   #1021
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No worries D, I think you're on the right track! It's perfectly acceptable to experiment with different ways of eating in order to find what works best for you and your lifestyle. Honestly, you've already BTDT with carb cycling and you have months of CC experience you can share if the topic comes up. Who knows, maybe they can even help you figure out the stalls?

Don't stress too much, you're doing great! The fact that you've even taken on such a huge commitment says a lot, even if you can't complete 100% of it, every step is a step in the right direction!

I will have to catch Person of Interest one day, I seem to remember thinking it looks interesting but never tuned in.
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Old 04-28-2014, 01:33 PM   #1022
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I think I'm on the right track.. and that's to say I have no specific way of eating right now..

very liberating.

It feels good to not put any punctuation on food. None. I'd gotten to the point where I would dread planning...started resenting the hell out of having to worry about what was gonna be eaten on such & such date, at what time, how much, and what... exhausting. Numbers were something I questioned when I began cycling.. the idea of counting anything worried me...and sure enough, it did not disappoint. The obsession with the numbers began shortly after I started, and then when I would fail to meet my idealized version of perfect..there soon began that slippery slope... again, exhausting.

Needless to say, I am all in when it comes to the Best program. I feel like the food aspect of this is all secondary anyways and a mere side affect of what's really going on.. I'll figure it out.

Currently beginning Diet's Don't Work.. this should be interesting.


Love Love Love POI! So happy to see they got picked up for another season! My other fave show was Rake with Greg Kinnear, but it got cancelled.
Aw who am I kidding, I love all kinds of tv
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Old 04-28-2014, 03:56 PM   #1023
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Oh, I hear ya! That's a primary reason I have never started carb cycling--too much counting/planning for me. I'd love to be that organized, but I already know it's not happening any time soon.

That sounds like an interesting read--is it part of your program?

I'll have to catch those shows. I always end up missing the good ones when they air, but try to catch up on demand after LO is tucked in.
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Old 04-28-2014, 03:59 PM   #1024
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Hey Dani...I was looking at that book's review online the other day. I think we place so much pressure on ourselves without even realizing it most of the time...I like the ideas you're discussing & I totally agree with wanting a more "relaxed" approach to it all. I get mentally exhausted as well. Thanks for posting!
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Old 04-28-2014, 05:17 PM   #1025
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Oh, I hear ya! That's a primary reason I have never started carb cycling--too much counting/planning for me. I'd love to be that organized, but I already know it's not happening any time soon.

That sounds like an interesting read--is it part of your program?

I'll have to catch those shows. I always end up missing the good ones when they air, but try to catch up on demand after LO is tucked in.
No No No No No...definitely not part of the program! In fact I'm bracing for them to ask me WTH am I thinking when I talk to them about this

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Hey Dani...I was looking at that book's review online the other day. I think we place so much pressure on ourselves without even realizing it most of the time...I like the ideas you're discussing & I totally agree with wanting a more "relaxed" approach to it all. I get mentally exhausted as well. Thanks for posting!
So far I am really liking the book... it's humorous and straight to the point. I am just thoroughly disgusted that I've spent so long on this dang diet treadmill... I am tired. Attaching negativity to the kind of person that I am based soley on my ability to succeed at weight loss has got to stop. I have talked myself into believing that I am only worthy of anything positive when I am winning at weight loss.. it's been so long, I don't even know who I am anymore.. I've spent nearly all of my daughter's entire young life on a diet. I'm ashamed of that fact. Because of what is pinned to that---the self deprecating ideas about myself, the negativity... all the while teaching my kids, "do as I say, not as I do." I've taught my kids to be go-getters, fearless, and unafraid to reach for their dreams. But never imagined that I needed to be teaching myself to do that too. All these years of *hard core* dieting has done a major number on my psyche and my ability to trust my own ideas and self worth. I'm done. Maybe down the road a variation of some sort will click for me and I'll find that I can do it..but for now, I'm focusing on fitness, positive self image, and owning my hunger.

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Old 04-29-2014, 05:56 AM   #1026
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You know, once I had kids, I tried to incorporate, if I wouldn't say XX to my children, I should never say it to myself. The negative, we would never dream of saying to our children, we deserve to NOT say it to ourselves either. Honestly, most times, WE are our own worst enemies! I am so where you are at in a lot of things girl!
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Old 04-29-2014, 07:17 AM   #1027
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I agree that we can be so unkind to ourselves vs. how we treat others.
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Old 04-29-2014, 07:26 AM   #1028
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Just my two cents: I think the reason there are so many diets are there are so many different kinds of 'eaters'. People who 'nosh' all day long are more than likely comforted by the opportunity to eat 5x a day, they don't feel like they will be deprived. WW people are comforted by the 'nothing is off limits' aspect as long as they count the calories...LC people don't want to give up fats and meat (like me) and starve on low fat diets...etc etc etc. I've always believed the only way to succeed is to find the one that works for you. Now I'm starting to think that diets don't work at all. I have worked diets and they fail me, but I feel the failure. I take it on myself.

Speaking to all of us here, how many times have you failed? Felt worthless? Felt there must be something wrong with you because so&so did it and they did well? Dani, I too am tired of feeling like a big fat zero.
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Old 04-29-2014, 08:15 AM   #1029
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You know, once I had kids, I tried to incorporate, if I wouldn't say XX to my children, I should never say it to myself. The negative, we would never dream of saying to our children, we deserve to NOT say it to ourselves either. Honestly, most times, WE are our own worst enemies! I am so where you are at in a lot of things girl!
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I agree that we can be so unkind to ourselves vs. how we treat others.
I've said it a lot here, that I'm the first to admit that I would never tell my best girlfriend what a loser I thought she was for not being perfect, or for failing for the umpteenth time...NEVER..and I would NEVER NEVER tell my kids that.. like I said, I have taught my kids the EXACT opposite of what it is I plague myself with day in & day out. My kids have a healthy relationship with food and with themselves there is peace. I worked hard at making sure their experiences with me were not that of what I grew up with. I'm damn proud of that.
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Just my two cents: I think the reason there are so many diets are there are so many different kinds of 'eaters'. People who 'nosh' all day long are more than likely comforted by the opportunity to eat 5x a day, they don't feel like they will be deprived. WW people are comforted by the 'nothing is off limits' aspect as long as they count the calories...LC people don't want to give up fats and meat (like me) and starve on low fat diets...etc etc etc. I've always believed the only way to succeed is to find the one that works for you. Now I'm starting to think that diets don't work at all. I have worked diets and they fail me, but I feel the failure. I take it on myself.

Speaking to all of us here, how many times have you failed? Felt worthless? Felt there must be something wrong with you because so&so did it and they did well? Dani, I too am tired of feeling like a big fat zero.
According to the book I'm reading there upwards of over 27,000 diets introduced in the last 70 years...that's a lot of damn diets, I say. I can honestly say I have tried more than my share and nothing has worked. I'm talking REALLY worked. I was introduced to WW when I was about 8 years old. Dragged to meetings and forced to get on that stupid scale in front of everyone. I was given chew chocolatey weight supplements as a child in the hopes that it would "curb" my appetite...instead I would get caught repeatedly raiding "said supplement" in the fridge because it was the only chocolate I was getting... the summer before my freshman year of HS I was put on Metafast...nothing like shakes all day long and told I'll be thankful I did this.. That was just childhood.....
I can understand eating 5x a day and being comforted by the idea of no longer having to feel starved... but to be told to eat regardless of hunger...made me really stop and think. ALOT. I may still end up eating 5x a day but it's going to be on MY terms and with what appeals to me to make me feel satisfied. I'm sorry but trying to substitute some carrots or a cucumber when I'm craving chocolate is just not gonna cut it. EVER. Who are we kidding?????

Girl, you know how much I beat myself up. How many conversations have we had where you had to talk me off the ledge? How many times did I verbalize how much I felt like a loser because I couldn't be perfect at weight loss?

You are NOT a loser. I am NOT a loser. NONE of us are losers. I have met some of the most beautiful, fantastic, motivating women on these boards. I'm so proud to call many my true friends and I'd do anything for. When I think of all of my friends here, I don't think about weight at all. I think about all the wonderful accomplishments and happy/sad things going on in each of your lives that happen to be totally undiet related. I see you all as successful, wonderful, and vivacious. The irony here is that when I think of myself, unless it's tied to successful weight loss, I am NONE of those things. It's absolute insanity, and I do believe I have finally taken my last ride on the crazy train.

So, while reading my book last night, I shared some parts with DH. He seemed happy. (Blonde, I shared this w/ you this morning) ... I said, "you seem too happy that I'm not gonna diet anymore..it's probably because now you think we're just gonna have all sorts of junk in here like chocolate cake, huh? Or is it cause you don't have to sit and watch me start over again for the millionth time??" He was quiet for a minute and said, "I am happy, you're right. But I'm happy because my hope for you is that you will see how amazing you as a woman, as a human being the way your kids, your friends, and I have always seen you. Maybe now without dieting and beating your brains out about it you will be able to finally see and hear what is your reality." So by this time I was already bawling, and as he was loading dishes into the dishwasher I could see he was still thinking quietly, and then he popped up quickly and says, "do we really get to have some chocolate cake!!!" To which of course sent me into a fit of giggles..

Thinking about what he said last night still makes me teary this morning. I think for the first time EVER I actually heard him. Heard him compliment me and was able to feel something for it. It wasn't overwhelming, but it was there. It's a start.

Has anyone else ever noticed they're not capable of taking a compliment???? I have never, and I mean NEVER been able to accept them. Someone compliments me about my hair, or tells me I'm pretty, or about my weight accomplishments..and I am at the ready with something to remind them how imperfect I really am. It's sad. It drives my husband crazy and something that I am setting out to practice changing.

I slept peacefully again last night. That is, until about 2am when the wind woke me. Sounded like a hurricane out there...and of course this morning it's still and calm.. It kept me up for about 2 hours and then I finally fell back to sleep.. I woke up easily this morning despite being up for a few hours in the middle of the night.
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Old 04-29-2014, 10:37 PM   #1030
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The wind really was something, and there were some gusty moments today too!

I TOTALLY am uncomfortable with compliments! I mean, I like them, they feel good to get. And yet I always have a denial on the tip of my tongue. I realized I did that years ago, and I remember hearing something about a lady gracefully accepts all compliments with a smile and a thank you. I have worked HARD at it, but now, even though my head is saying "Oh no, I still have so much more to lose" or "Really? I think I look so fat" my mouth smiles and says "Thank you!" HARD.
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Old 04-30-2014, 06:38 AM   #1031
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Dani - you have KEEPER THERE! He is so right! LIFE is tough. Food can be an addiction. Unlike most things a person can get addicted to, we will always have to eat!
You are on quite the journey girl. I feel privileged to be along for the ride!
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Old 04-30-2014, 06:53 AM   #1032
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Dani~ It's so hard to deal with the perfection that 'seems' to be perfect in others and yet we can't see it in ourselves. I have a hard time taking a compliment but have learned as Carol said "to smile and say thank you". That reply is often followed by a quip in my head like "what are you blind'? or worse "what do you want from me? For so long I have felt unhealthy, out of shape, overweight, boring, old...good grief. I want to be thinner and healthier and I think this will follow if I can get my head on straight. STOP obsessing about how I blew it and my whole day gets ruined...by me. Why does our world revolve around our own imperfections. If we can figure that out we'll be free.

Regarding your childhood 'diets'...I was lucky in that no one actually put me on a diet...but I put myself on my first diet at age 8. What in the world made me think I needed to diet? I had two older brothers who teased me mercilessly, but in retrospect, they got their cues from me. The only time I've ever gotten thin was through literal starvation. I ate once a day and if I didn't eat before 5 pm I didn't eat at all. Just black coffee. My meal was either a hamburger patty with cheese or an iceberg lettuce salad with cubed Velveeta and Miracle Whip. I ate no other veggies, no fruit but even if I got no dinner, I would go out and party and drink Keg beer with the boyfriend (now my Husband). I did this for months, got down to 115, then ate an apple and my whole diet changed...I was ravished with hunger. I could not get enough to eat. Obviously that isn't the end of the story...I have been bouncing ever since. I managed to maintain 140 for several years but after my Mom passed away I ballooned up and have never been able to get under control. My Doctor told me my lowest weight a couple years ago was 195 fully dressed (while JUDDDING) but I was starving every other day and smoking at the time, running on adrenalin. I don't know how much i weigh right now, I haven't been on the scale in weeks and weeks.

Sorry for the rant.

So happy for you that Hubs is in your corner!!!
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Old 04-30-2014, 07:08 AM   #1033
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Oh my gosh! I hadn't thought about this is years, but I distinctly remember calorie counting with my Mother. I can still picture the tattered calorie counter book that was her guide. It was called "Change your weight for beauty's sake". It was green and blue. Why on earth do I remember that?

I started piling weight on when I was in 3rd grade and probably started the calorie counting thing at around 11 or 12. I can still picture myself at the dinner table with my parents having just eaten a meager amount. I had a yellow tablet that I wrote down everything I ate along with the calorie count. I can still hear myself saying to my Mother, "I only had 500 calories today, do you think I'll lose?" This memory is bringing tears to my eyes. I don't blame my Mother......she was trying to help me the best she knew how.

I remember in high school going 3 days without eating a thing and being so proud of myself......ugh.

I'm sorry for hijacking your thread....all this just came out. This is the first time I've written this out....ever.

Oh the things we have all gone through.
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Old 04-30-2014, 07:22 AM   #1034
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The wind really was something, and there were some gusty moments today too!

I TOTALLY am uncomfortable with compliments! I mean, I like them, they feel good to get. And yet I always have a denial on the tip of my tongue. I realized I did that years ago, and I remember hearing something about a lady gracefully accepts all compliments with a smile and a thank you. I have worked HARD at it, but now, even though my head is saying "Oh no, I still have so much more to lose" or "Really? I think I look so fat" my mouth smiles and says "Thank you!" HARD.
The wind is wreaking havoc with everything.. and my DD's asthma is crazy nuts right now, poor kid.

I am working on the compliments thing. I have NEVER been able to accept one graciously...even as a teenager. Makes me sad, yanno? Working to change it and keep moving, it's all I can do. And ironically, the one time I saw huge success at weight loss with an 80lb loss, I was incredibly uncomfortable with the compliments that would come...and then I truly started to resent them because suddenly I was noticeable to people...people that I didn't rarely speak to suddenly wanted to talk to me.. and I grew to despise the, "wow, you look fantastic, you've lost weight!" comments.... REALLY??? So, the only way I look good is by being a particular size...and so began the reinforcement of weight attached to self-worth... I mean, I'd dealt with it my whole life, my mother constantly reminded me that my value was based almost soley on my appearance..

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Dani - you have KEEPER THERE! He is so right! LIFE is tough. Food can be an addiction. Unlike most things a person can get addicted to, we will always have to eat!
You are on quite the journey girl. I feel privileged to be along for the ride!
Aw, thanks! He has been such a trooper through all of this.
I'm so glad to have such great company along the way, and that you girls continue to support me despite all my kooky ventures
--------------------------------

Had my phone consult with the trainer from my program yesterday. It went SO well. For the first time EVER I felt heard & validated by someone in the professional health community. The purpose of the call was to go over a worksheet we filled out in class regarding transformation and what our "Body" goal was.. He went over my answers, really liked what I'd said but was wanting to tighten up my answer for my goal.. because I gave too broad of an answer and did not list a specific timeframe or number....And this is where I had to get honest with him. I told him about my dieting history, told him the last 14 years have been spent ON a diet more than it's been off and that I was just tired. I explained briefly about my history with my mom and the things I experienced. He was quiet and he says, "Danielle, there was a reason why I felt drawn to your paper, and why I felt compelled to talk to you. Now I understand why." He went on to explain that he'd gone over a stack of them as all the Best team began preparing their phone lists of people they were going to take on, and he chose mine specifically. I was stunned. He explained that he understood that I had zero issue with committing to eating right, that I knew the sorts of foods that made me feel good, etc.. he said this has nothing with dieting and therefore right now dieting is no longer in your world. REALLY???? He actually heard me without having to explain anything more. He told me that I could cycle til the end of time and until I got the emotional stuff done it was never going to truly work. He did say how there is scientific value to cycling, to which I DO agree.. but he understands that it's more than this for me. I have some things he's asked me to do for the next 90 days, I have a book assigned to me too that he's added to my list. He asked me if I'd been triggering a lot the last few weeks, because he could tell that I'd been doing ALOT of thinking and I had articulated everything so well about how I was feeling. I said yes, and also that I'd worried I'd get kicked out of the program. LOL He chuckled alittle and he said, "No, sweet girl, no one's kicking you out of anything, you're exactly where you need to be and you're on the right track. Everyone's journey is going to be different, as I'm sure you know. Your path will be one way, and the person next to you will be very different, and as always it is never ever linear." He told me that he could tell that I am on the right path, that it's evident that I am learning exactly what I wrote to one of my answers: to learn to be comfortable with uncomfortable. To live fearlessly.
Needless to say, it was a very emotional call, it took about 15 min. and he assured me that I would get through it and that the weight WILL come off. It was lovely.

Now, my husband on the other hand..... did not get a phone call... I find it highly suspicious because he was kinda freaked at the meeting when he realized they were gonna call us... I teased him that he either didn't write a # or he wrote wrong numbers in.. I'm kinda disappointed, I was looking forward to hearing the feedback he would get.. *sigh* Patience with a capital P.

It was an interesting grocery excursion yesterday. DH kept asking me if I wanted "this" or "this"..and I kept saying, nah... it just didn't sound good.. I did end up with a couple snacky type things, but did end up with a lot of fruit and good proteins.. just because I like eating them.

Worked on my hula yesterday. I also did a bunch of varied exercises while watching Ink Master. My knee is still bothering me...I may have to go get it checked out. I'm ok while walking or in general, but when I begin a concentrated type thing with my legs with repeated movement it starts to hurt.
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Old 04-30-2014, 07:23 AM   #1035
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Lori Honey we can relate. It's funny how those memories come up. My parents separated and divorced when I was 8...I believe that's how it got started for me. Since then, any extreme stress has led to weight gain for me. Right now I'm under stress again and terrified of backsliding...

Good to see you!
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Old 04-30-2014, 07:26 AM   #1036
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Oh Dani.......what an awesome call from the trainer! I'm so happy that he picked you to call and was so supportive.

Fantastic!
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Old 04-30-2014, 07:28 AM   #1037
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Oh Danielle, your call from your trainer brought tears to my eyes. How wonderful to have someone on your side who understands where you are and wants to help you get where your going!! Absolutely amazing!!
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Old 04-30-2014, 07:35 AM   #1038
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Whoa! While I busy typing and posting, ya'll were giving me some more love!

Blonde~ so funny because Rich yesterday told me, there is no such thing as perfection. There never has been and never will be. Suddenly it felt better even though it was coming from this absolutely gorgeous of a man who says he's 35 but looks maybe 25 I am staying conscious when I receive a compliment and trying to be in the moment and to feel it and enjoy it. So weird and feels silly to have to do that, but it is what it is..

It's apparent we've all had our fair share of dieting history...so sad.

Lori~ oh hon, I'm sorry I made you cry.
Tragically for me, I was maybe 15 lbs heavier than my girlfriends growing up...but to hear my mother tell it she had me believing that I was gargantuan. It wasn't until a couple years ago that I was able to really look objectively at old pictures of myself and acknowledge the very fact that my entire childhood I was NOT fat. Not in the slightest. Mentally she made me believe that I was though, such a confusing time. I remember vividly in HS wearing anything from a size 7-11 depending on what it was...my girlfriends were around a size 3-7..some were 9's... so tell me where in this does this scream I was a fatty??? Total craziness.
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Old 04-30-2014, 07:38 AM   #1039
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Oh Dani.......what an awesome call from the trainer! I'm so happy that he picked you to call and was so supportive.

Fantastic!
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Oh Danielle, your call from your trainer brought tears to my eyes. How wonderful to have someone on your side who understands where you are and wants to help you get where your going!! Absolutely amazing!!
Thanks my ladies! It was such a great conversation and I knew he truly heard me. The validation I felt was immense that it brought tears to my eyes and he knew EXACTLY why I was crying. So thankful to have people out there that are committed to this, to helping people achieve their fullest potential.
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Old 04-30-2014, 08:24 AM   #1040
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Exactly as Blonde said - your description of your call made me tear up. That is so fantastic that he actually heard you! I am so impressed that someone affiliated with a "program" and actually doesn't have the blinders on to any other path. This is really great, and makes me even more impressed with the whole Chris Powell machine. Very encouraging. I'm so glad you can continue on in the program, doing the work, gaining the insight, and not have to feel like you're not "doing it all the way" or whatever. Best. News. Ever!

Lori and Blonde, and Danielle - it's so sad that we all started in on ourselves (or our families did) about our weight early on. My parents never said a word or gave me any indication they thought I was fat. My best friend got paid for every pound she lost at around age 13 and I thought that was so cool. She was under a lot of pressure to lose from her parents, which I never really knew until we were adults. And she was NOT fat! We were developing our girlish figures and putting on normal weight in the normal places!

I remember sending off for a diet pamphlet from my Teen magazine. It was a pink trifold paper and outlined what basically turns out to be low carb. I remember eating lots of eggs and cheese and bacon, and having horrible breath (what I now know to be ketosis breath). My parents didn't like my doing it, and I remember my pediatrician not being at all happy. But I lost a few pounds and was really determined to do it.
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Old 04-30-2014, 08:58 AM   #1041
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He was totally understanding and didn't skip a beat. He literally repeated back parts of what I'd said so I knew he heard me. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and it's actually allowed me to focus elsewhere, just as I'd written about the other day. Not feeling so bogged down about the fear of failing yet again has left me with the desire to want to exercise more, focus on my total steps for the day, getting all my water in, and I am sleeping so much better. He mentioned to me that once I had worked through the emotional side of what's plagued me for so long that I would indeed naturally feel capable of lots of movement and cleaner eating.... that it happens gradually the better I feel and the empowerment from it is life changing. Setting super small promises are part of committing to this, and as super scary as it is it's working. The one he added for me yesterday was writing down an affirmation every single day, I have to look at myself in the mirror and say it out loud. He said I'm getting a jumpstart on next weeks workshop and encouraged me to journal my heart out daily if I felt immense anxiety before/after doing this daily exercise. I confessed that the mirror exercise last meeting was incredibly hard for me and was very emotional and he felt it totally necessary that this is where the focus needs to be. Good stuff I tell ya! Scary, but good! I'm so ready.

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Old 04-30-2014, 12:48 PM   #1042
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The program sounds like a really great thing for you, despite it being a lot of pressure at times. How awesome that you were chosen for a call! I'm glad the trainers really listen, and helped validate your concerns about following the program. See, you were worried for nothing! I firmly believe what he said about the emotional aspect and that's a big part of the reason I'm still kicking this time around. I'm finally realizing there's more to this than food intake.

Keep it up!
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Old 04-30-2014, 01:03 PM   #1043
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Loved reading about the very involved phone conversation between you and the trainer...that's some good stuff there!
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Old 04-30-2014, 01:28 PM   #1044
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Quote:
Originally Posted by br3n View Post
The program sounds like a really great thing for you, despite it being a lot of pressure at times. How awesome that you were chosen for a call! I'm glad the trainers really listen, and helped validate your concerns about following the program. See, you were worried for nothing! I firmly believe what he said about the emotional aspect and that's a big part of the reason I'm still kicking this time around. I'm finally realizing there's more to this than food intake.

Keep it up!
Well, everyone who chose to sign up for a phone time got a call... it's their commitment to us to try and help us and guide us appropriately. I just feel grateful that he chose mine. I just do not ever want anyone to ever think that I'm not doing things for the right reason because it could not be further from the truth. I also had to remind myself that if anyone of unimportance thinks that, so be it, it isn't any of my concern.
As for a lot of pressure, I guess it boils down to how bad ya want it. Ironically, it only feels like forward progress even if it is time consuming.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayce View Post
Loved reading about the very involved phone conversation between you and the trainer...that's some good stuff there!
We covered a lot in a very short amount of time. He listened and that's all I've truly wanted. I wish I could have him really train me, I think it could be amazing.

Worked on affirmations this afternoon.. Phew, that's some tough stuff. The anti is upped when you're expected to look directly into your own eyes. I had so many thoughts running through my head during it and journaled like a fiend afterwards. I can say when I was done, I wandered back downstairs and in passing the kitchen my thoughts went to food and hmmm, what sounds good to eat. Hello??? I just ate lunch and NO I was not hungry. I am getting a glimpse into how the uncomfortable emotional thinking leads to eating while checked out mentally. Who knows how much that's happened! I am happy to have been insightful about it today.
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Old 04-30-2014, 06:43 PM   #1045
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Apparently I've found something that should not be in my house....Who knew that Cheeto's are NOT a major food group?! Definitely needs to go as I've eaten too many

Other than that, it's been a good day. Majorly good thought process happening today. Emotional, but good. Sometimes I'm thankful that I am alone for several hours in my day and do not have to explain my neurosis

Working through exercises in my book. Tough stuff. 15 questions and so far I'm only on question 10 after about 90 minutes. I had to stop because it was making me anxious. I know it's good for me, but man, sometimes I just wish I could be alil' more sane, and not wonder so much why me

Got all of my water in already and my 10 min. of exercise I committed to. Feels good to be productive
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Old 05-01-2014, 05:56 AM   #1046
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Cheetos are CRACK to me!

You are making some great effort to change things. I hate that your Mother was so tough on you about weight. It is tough bing a Mom, but wow that sounds over the top. Growing up my sister was always heavier than me so she caught the brunt of it all. I can remember horrible things being said to her. My mom would bribe her to get her to lose weight, when that wouldn't work, there would be a huge FIGHT! I felt so bad for her. Just hearing it all effected the way I looked at it all too! No wonder in her 30's she had gastric bypass. Which, now, 10 years later, isn't working anymore.

It's all tough stuff to go through. you are doing well!
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Old 05-01-2014, 07:45 AM   #1047
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Cheetos are CRACK to me!

You are making some great effort to change things. I hate that your Mother was so tough on you about weight. It is tough bing a Mom, but wow that sounds over the top. Growing up my sister was always heavier than me so she caught the brunt of it all. I can remember horrible things being said to her. My mom would bribe her to get her to lose weight, when that wouldn't work, there would be a huge FIGHT! I felt so bad for her. Just hearing it all effected the way I looked at it all too! No wonder in her 30's she had gastric bypass. Which, now, 10 years later, isn't working anymore.

It's all tough stuff to go through. you are doing well!
She was incredibly hard on me. I've had to sit and really think if it was this way with my other 3 sisters. It was just me. There's a lot of tied up resentment tied to me for some reason. I have to let it all go, it's not going to change, but *I* CAN. She seemed obsessed with my weight as a child and at the same time handing me a plate of cookies.. She was pushing her insecurities of her own body on to me and punishing me for what she felt about herself... I watched her go on diet after diet it was total insanity. She used to bribe me too with new clothes or records that I wanted if I would "just lose some weight".. Ah, well, it's over and I survived!
---------------------------

So I woke up incredibly hungry today. Had to be up a bit earlier to get DD to a school meeting before school started.. interesting to notice the difference in my hunger so early in the morning since the last few days I've not been hungry for several hours after waking up. The big thing that stands out to me is that I had sort of a rough late afternoon & evening with food... overate the Cheeto's a tad, and then felt like I may have overdone dinner some.. not a binge by any means but put myself just slightly over on the other side of comfortable.. and then I wake up today absolutely starving? Is there a big connection with overeating and that famished feeling of needing to eat right away???? Notating it and see if I feel it at any other time.

My rings are spinning today. My wedding band is actually hanging and I have to keep shoving it back down.. I can assume I've lost some major bloat.

I ended up getting in not quite 2 gallons of water yesterday... those dang Cheeto's made me so thirsty it was insane. Never again. Not only did I not appreciate the oogie feeling of "too much", but that thirsty feeling is no bueno.

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Old 05-01-2014, 08:58 AM   #1048
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Love the 'go with the flow affirmation'!

Thinking about you waking up hungry...it could be just a part of 'normal' that we don't recognize. Normal weight people eat when they are hungry stop when they are full. It may be due to your Cheetos or dinner but if you're hungry...eat. Chances are tomorrow you may not be hungry at all.

BTW I am loving this concept of Intuitive eating, not out of emotions just out of hunger alone. I'm doing well...but of course I listen for the other shoe to drop.....
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Old 05-01-2014, 09:06 AM   #1049
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The previous days I ate within my limits of satisfaction and felt good... yesterday was a huge learning curve and went to bed feeling sorta meh.... I didn't sleep as well and woke up tired. I know I ate til full and not just satisfied...and it just did not sit well at all.. I just find it interesting that I woke up starved after a day like that vs the previous days where I ate better, made better choices and had better sleep and woke up content but not starving in the least..

Amazing what kinds of interesting things our bodies actually tell us when we are listening.

I actually felt compelled to get on the scale a bit ago, I felt lighter for some reason...I'm down. Not a lot, but it's down and I've done nothing but honor my hunger.. go figure, eh?
I figure it'd prolly be down even more if I hadn't already eaten and had several bottles of water.... So now the urge has passed and I'm over it and I'll keep plodding along..

an interesting note; I have truly enjoyed cooking the last few days. I have not dreaded it in the least and everything tastes so much better.
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Old 05-01-2014, 10:47 AM   #1050
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I know what you mean about waking up hungry after a day of overeating or too many carbs. That is a weird phenomenon, but oh so true. This listening to our bodies hunger as satisfaction messages is going to be so enlightening. I don't like that overfull feeling, so why is it I go to that point so many times? I guess I'll be finding out as the time goes on.

Have a great day today!
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