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Old 04-23-2014, 09:18 AM   #991
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I just had to put this here... total truth...

There are days where I'd swear she's trying to kill me! And yes, frankly she could care less if I feel like I'm gonna puke. In the end though, the results don't lie. The huge lesson here, for me, is that I am learning to be fearless and to embrace the idea of being uncomfortable...the inches that are melting is a secondary effect IMO... I despise exercise in general, but her workouts...they're in a class all by themselves. They are HARD. I think I finally just realized I had to step off the edge and figure out how to keep going. And lemme tell ya, when I'm done with her workout, I am SO proud of myself. Nothing can beat that feeling of accomplishment!


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Old 04-23-2014, 09:22 AM   #992
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I get the same feeling doing the boot camp sessions that I go to. It is so freakin' hard, but what a feeling of accomplishment. I go to a studio so there are a bunch of us struggling together and cheering each other on.

Keep up the great work!
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Old 04-23-2014, 10:28 AM   #993
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You should be so proud of yourself! Transformation is from the inside out and you are half way there! Thanks for sharing all of the details with us. The workshop sounds amazing, as much as it hurts sometimes, it's healthy to get all of the negative energy out so we can face it, conquer it, and move on. I fully understand the mirror thing. I haven't had a full body mirror since my teens but I really think it's time to get one. Just as part of moving on, letting go.

Too funny about DH and portion sizes. What a trooper he is for doing this with you!
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Old 04-23-2014, 11:48 AM   #994
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You should be so proud of yourself! Transformation is from the inside out and you are half way there! Thanks for sharing all of the details with us. The workshop sounds amazing, as much as it hurts sometimes, it's healthy to get all of the negative energy out so we can face it, conquer it, and move on. I fully understand the mirror thing. I haven't had a full body mirror since my teens but I really think it's time to get one. Just as part of moving on, letting go.

Too funny about DH and portion sizes. What a trooper he is for doing this with you!
Thanks, doll! So hard to get real with yourself....and be brutally honest. The last year has been all about facing everything and just owning it. It's hard learning to be an example of getting uncomfortable and finding a way to be "ok" with it. This program is truly going to test my limits and commitment, but I know that it's all for the benefit of growth and positive change. I need to be willing to find it within myself to figure out what keeps me from achieving that goal once & for all.
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Old 04-23-2014, 03:41 PM   #995
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Just expounding on my mirror exercise..

oldie but a goody blog post from the lovely Heidi Powell

I am (still) Pefect
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Old 04-24-2014, 05:56 AM   #996
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And lemme tell ya, when I'm done with her workout, I am SO proud of myself. Nothing can beat that feeling of accomplishment!
That's a great feeling isn't it???? You are doing so great. As soon as my heel gets better, I am going to do my Shred DVD by Jillian. Was hoping to start this week, instead I will try for next week. My heel is a mess right now. I can't walk much either! DARN IT!
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Old 04-24-2014, 06:22 AM   #997
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Dani, I had to catch up on your journal, and I love what you shared about the class experience. It is really hard facing something like that, and I'm proud of ya, girl! The ability to be "real" with oneself and others is such a gift...I'm excited to hear more about your journey.

Going to read Heidi's link that you shared.

Have a great Thursday!
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Old 04-24-2014, 08:19 AM   #998
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That's a great feeling isn't it???? You are doing so great. As soon as my heel gets better, I am going to do my Shred DVD by Jillian. Was hoping to start this week, instead I will try for next week. My heel is a mess right now. I can't walk much either! DARN IT!
It IS the best feeling in the world! What I am trying to work on right now is, in fact, the opposite feelings that I'm going through of extreme guilt because I'm not doing my workouts. Despite knowing that I am hurt, it's been tough mentally for me. Definitely a work in progress over here!!!
I hope your foot & heel get to feeling better soon! Foot pain is so hard to deal with!

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Dani, I had to catch up on your journal, and I love what you shared about the class experience. It is really hard facing something like that, and I'm proud of ya, girl! The ability to be "real" with oneself and others is such a gift...I'm excited to hear more about your journey.

Going to read Heidi's link that you shared.

Have a great Thursday!
Aw, I'm glad you liked it. Sometimes I feel like a blabbering idiot with some of the stuff I write. But, I am really trying to be authentic and to truly be aware of the journey....to really feel it. I hope you like her blog.. I like that her posts aren't terribly long, just packed with a great message that really makes you think. ♥

Facing down my own 2 eyes has somehow become a fear of mine over all these years and it was amazing to me that in a split second I could be reduced to tears. In a crowded room. The more that I read about transformation and the program we are embarking on, only makes me more comfortable with what I felt at that moment. I am changing. I embraced it, dove in, and experienced it. So yeah, I guess now I don't care if I sound like a fool... .... the journey is mine, the experiences are mine, and I am ready to grow and become who I've always wanted to be. Scary as hell but it's all mine!

I felt a lot of anxiety yesterday. For as content as I felt after the meeting and after we got home, I did not sleep well at all. I tossed & turned and every time I woke up I was thinking about this program and all the work that it will entail to earn my plaques. Then to add to it all, there is a worksheet they gave us Tuesday night, and on it is 8 things for us to work on every day. We mark off the boxes as we complete them.. 2 of the spaces are for us to personally put down 2 of our own promises. We do this for the next 2 weeks.... It wasn't until last night that I realized that we were to actually start it at the top of the morning yesterday and I failed miserably at it. I think the only thing I got was my water intake for the day. I didn't fill in the 2 blank promises in time to get credit for the day so, yeah...kinda bothered me and added to the overwhelming idea of all of this.

Lemme tell you... the idea of reading 3 books, 10 hrs of community service, journaling every day for 12 weeks straight, on top of keeping my promises AND losing weight to meet my *Body goal*... seems monumental. Not to mention, that I have a huge sense of dread where my DH is concerned because I sincerely do not think he bargained for all of this. He works 70 hrs a week easily, so to have all of this on top of that, yeah, fills me with anxiety that he won't do it. I do understand that I can't want it for him and he needs to be honest about what he's willing and not willing to take on, and whether he feels like this is something for him to do. I hate the idea that he will suffer through this just because he thinks that I want him to do it! I have communicated this to him, and of course he assures me that this is not the case. It still fills me with panic that this whole thing could end up not going very well! As I sit here and write this however, I am reminded at the fact that now I get why it has taken some people a LONG while to even earn their first plaque before moving forward to "E" from last year!

All of these feelings coupled with the fact that somehow yesterday came this overwhelming sense of guilt for not working out fully. Acknowledging that I am hurt hasn't helped. Or the fact that I have DONE what I could do via weight exercises that do not require me to move much, as well as getting in some ab work. I can be my worst critic and it's really annoying! Let it go already!

So I try again today. My goal is to get as much checked off my list as I can and be happy with what I can accomplish. I DO have to give HUGE kudos to my hubby---the man stuck to his one main promise to himself that he would get in at least 5 minutes of movement. He did it and he rocked it.



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Old 04-24-2014, 08:51 AM   #999
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Relaaax hon, you're doing great! They are asking a lot of you all, but keep in mind this experience is supposed to be positive and helpful, so try not to stress too much! Do all that you can and be proud of that.

ah, DH. Mine is going through carb remorse right now-- he got carried away regarding his ability to eat carbs without gaining and ended up gaining 10 lbs, now he's in panic mode trying to get it back off. I think it's great that your DH is doing what he can, but with a work schedule like that, doing the whole program with the reading and all may be a little much. Maybe you can recap some of the reading exercises for him so he's still in the loop.

You've got this.
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Old 04-24-2014, 09:45 AM   #1000
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I'm going to talk to the trainers about my anxiety when they call this week.. I'm such an all or nothing personality and while it was gone for awhile, it is rearing it's head again with all of this, and I do NOT like it! All of a sudden, now nothing is good enough.

I want my husband to do well with this. But, HE'S gotta want it. For him and no one else, or what's the use? This isn't supposed to be about me for him, and vice versa.. The book thing---we've gotta write a review on 3 books...these are to be written as if we are recommending something to someone.. I'm assuming I am going to have to read and write mine and he will have to write his own paper off that..but then again, what's the point? KWIM? I guess if someone wants it bad enough they figure out a way to get it all done. He's gotta figure that out and own it. Me too.

He will have to find his way and it will just have to be ok. Time to just breathe and get through my own challenges. I am proud that I did get my first journal entry done this morning... I'm on track to meet more than half my 8 promises for the day...
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Old 04-24-2014, 11:03 AM   #1001
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Danielle, I just hurt when I read your posts about being anxious. I do the same thing to myself, but it makes me sad/mad when I hear about others doing it to themselves. I am saying this as much to myself as to you, dear. You DO NOT have to be perfect. Especially not ALL of the time.

Think about it this way. You've signed on to this journey to help yourself grow and learn and evolve. DH has signed on to support you, but is sticking around also because he evidently feels he can get something out of this for himself too.

What is the worst thing that will happen if you don't perform perfectly in this? Like, maybe you don't complete a book on time, or get in every workout 100%, or keep every daily promise? Will you die? Will the trainers come to your house and take you away to jail? Or yell at you? No, of course not. This is about learning how to work toward your goals and if that means baby steps, then so be it. Someone in another thread said of learning new skills, that we are like babies learning to walk. Do we get frustrated and yell at our kids when they don't walk perfectly the first time they try? Of course not! Treat yourself the same way. If you are making the best effort you can each day, and making progress, then it is a total success.

I think the only way we have REALLY GOOD reason to be mad at ourselves is when we literally just say "screw it" and don't make an effort. If we are trying, even if we are struggling, we are succeeding.

I love your honesty in relating all your feelings. You don't know it, but you're helping so many people who read this journal and can relate. Lots of them don't post, but you know they're out there reading and nodding their heads, and crying with you when you struggle, and laughing with you when you soar.

Sorry this is such a novel, but you really moved me today. Love ya girl!
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Old 04-24-2014, 11:49 AM   #1002
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Great post Carol!

She is so right Dani.....be gentle with yourself!
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Old 04-24-2014, 01:11 PM   #1003
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Danielle, I just hurt when I read your posts about being anxious. I do the same thing to myself, but it makes me sad/mad when I hear about others doing it to themselves. I am saying this as much to myself as to you, dear. You DO NOT have to be perfect. Especially not ALL of the time.

Think about it this way. You've signed on to this journey to help yourself grow and learn and evolve. DH has signed on to support you, but is sticking around also because he evidently feels he can get something out of this for himself too.

What is the worst thing that will happen if you don't perform perfectly in this? Like, maybe you don't complete a book on time, or get in every workout 100%, or keep every daily promise? Will you die? Will the trainers come to your house and take you away to jail? Or yell at you? No, of course not. This is about learning how to work toward your goals and if that means baby steps, then so be it. Someone in another thread said of learning new skills, that we are like babies learning to walk. Do we get frustrated and yell at our kids when they don't walk perfectly the first time they try? Of course not! Treat yourself the same way. If you are making the best effort you can each day, and making progress, then it is a total success.

I think the only way we have REALLY GOOD reason to be mad at ourselves is when we literally just say "screw it" and don't make an effort. If we are trying, even if we are struggling, we are succeeding.

I love your honesty in relating all your feelings. You don't know it, but you're helping so many people who read this journal and can relate. Lots of them don't post, but you know they're out there reading and nodding their heads, and crying with you when you struggle, and laughing with you when you soar.

Sorry this is such a novel, but you really moved me today. Love ya girl!
First of all, you made me cry. Thank you for this, it really made me feel better.

I honestly do not know where I get this idea that I have to be pefect??? It boggles my mind because I have raised my kids with the idea that it's ok to make mistakes, that's how we grow, and that as long as we continue to always strive for better & are always trying our hardest, that's all anyone can ask of us. But yet, I continue to torment myself. I posted on that thread you're on...a lot of what's being talked about really resonates with me and makes me wonder if all of that is what's going on with me without me realizing it and that's why I am struggling so much. I have some other ideas inside the idea of why I feel that need to be perfect--you can message me if you want--I don't want to put it out here...

You're absolutely right. The thinking I have is totally illogical and irrational. And even though I know that, it still controls my thinking Again, the "other" thoughts as to why I'm behaving this way I think play a huge role in this at the moment...

I really have nothing to complain about... I get up every day with the best intentions. Some areas are no-brainers to me...like my water and my journaling..but yet, I so easily am dismissive of these things, because they are easy to me... However, it doesn't erase the fact that I am still capable of doing them every day and I DO do them every single day. I'm not really sure what it is that I really expect of myself per se, but it just feels like I don't do it daily, and after awhile it really gets to me. A foreboding sense of failure is such an exhausting feeling and I'm just plain tired. I also think that I am having a lot of this anxiety due to the fact that I am just plain afraid of change. As much as I want it and am always looking for ways to accomplish it...bottom line is, it's terrifying to me. And I'm talking about the real, true, deep-rooted, life-altering change. The program I committed to is all about this and it's absolutely frightening to me. I've never stepped out on that ledge before, and suddenly I find myself there with the wind in my face and nowhere in sight is that next step. This is TRULY testing my faith..something I touched on a few days ago... I have to get into that mindset again of just trusting the process and believing that everything will fall into place.

Thanks for believing in me even when I can't seem to see it for myself!

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Great post Carol!

She is so right Dani.....be gentle with yourself!
Thanks Lori! Thanks for being here.


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Old 04-25-2014, 05:48 AM   #1004
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Love that one too! Thanks for sharing your journey girl!
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Old 04-25-2014, 09:23 AM   #1005
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Oh sweetie, reading about you and your mirror exercise made me cry too. What an epiphany you had. The class sounds so hard, you must feel stripped down...
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Old 04-25-2014, 09:32 AM   #1006
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Love that one too! Thanks for sharing your journey girl!
Thanks for being here, lady. It's gonna be a long and bumpy road so buckle up!

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Oh sweetie, reading about you and your mirror exercise made me cry too. What an epiphany you had. The class sounds so hard, you must feel stripped down...
Oh now, I didn't want anyone else to cry. I think I've done enough for 10 people this week. I faced a major fear and allowed myself to feel it all. In a room full of strangers, no less!
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Old 04-25-2014, 09:45 AM   #1007
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Feeling so much better today. I think I've processed everything I've been feeling and am ready to keep on going... thanks Carol for listening to me yesterday!!!

So one of my promises every day is to write out 1 affirmation to post on my wall. This one small little act packs a huge punch. I love it so much.

Going to work on my dream board today. I think I'm ready to begin putting it together.

Looking to climb back on the workout train in the a.m. and to make sure my cycling is as clean as I can make it.. I feel really good when I'm doing it and I hate when I allow myself to stop completely.

Today's a reward day. Dinner out and a movie.. I sure could use some down time and "just be".. *sigh*



I forgot to show you guys this! I found this the day of our last workshop in a cute little café we ate dinner at before we went.... SO PERFECT and I love it...

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Old 04-25-2014, 10:16 AM   #1008
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And you are really beginning to BELIEVE that anything is possible!

Have a great weekend....

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Old 04-25-2014, 10:57 AM   #1009
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You bet, sweetie! I'm so glad you're feeling better and ready to hit it hard.
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Old 04-25-2014, 12:08 PM   #1010
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I love the "Believe" art! So cute.

Have a great reward day & enjoy yourself with the hubby!
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Old 04-25-2014, 01:16 PM   #1011
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Thanks girls!

Big commotion over here.... fire at the front office building in our complex.. gym & indoor basketball courts are gone.. was total chaos here, like 8 fire trucks and police galore!.. the news choppers were up above for awhile too.. fire's out now but that horrendous smoky smell is lingering

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Old 04-26-2014, 09:43 AM   #1012
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An absolutely beautiful morning here---overcast and cool and I am stuck inside til at least noon waiting on the stupid DirecTV dude I missed the opportunity to go to the first group workout with the people from my workshop because of this, and that doubly irritates me. Meh.

I completed 6 of my 8 promises on my worksheet yesterday... interestingly in that it was reward day, which tends to be a looser day all around. I like that having this simple piece of paper seems to be holding me more accountable to myself and what I wish to achieve.

Long conversation with the hubb's regarding his commitment to the program and being in it for all the right reasons. I dunno that he realized that this is essentially a 2-year thing by the time we see it to the very end. He seems to feel he can do it, but something tells me that he sees this as a challenge to just complete it vs. the desire to want to change and grow. Time will tell. I will do me & he can worry about him. I love him, but I gotta worry about doing my own thing. This program is the next best thing to actually going on EWL and going through all of this.... on a much looser scale of course, but the background and idea behind it is exactly the same. It means a lot to me and I'm not going to waste it.

I didn't work on my board yesterday...I got busy with stuff around the house and forgot about it. Today seems like a good day to begin.....overcast & comfy, laid back kinda feeling..


Here's the thought for today:

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Old 04-26-2014, 10:03 AM   #1013
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Bummer about missing your workout with your buddies! It is a beautiful day! I just finished my workout and need to hop in the shower 'cuz I'm going to get my delicious mug of coffee and sit outside and enjoy the cool breeze!

I hope DH will stay on board for this entire journey. I was thinking about your comments and you know, maybe it doesn't really matter WHY he has started this, but if he sticks with it, he'll be getting more out of it than just the gold star at the end. For that matter, neither of you really know where all this will take you emotionally as well as physically. That's what I've learned in my losing journey. I started it just to lose weight and get healthier, but I've uncovered demons (and continue to), learned so much about myself, my hangups, my habits, etc. There's just so much more to it all than just getting thin! You already know this!
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Old 04-26-2014, 10:25 AM   #1014
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Bummer about missing your workout with your buddies! It is a beautiful day! I just finished my workout and need to hop in the shower 'cuz I'm going to get my delicious mug of coffee and sit outside and enjoy the cool breeze!

I hope DH will stay on board for this entire journey. I was thinking about your comments and you know, maybe it doesn't really matter WHY he has started this, but if he sticks with it, he'll be getting more out of it than just the gold star at the end. For that matter, neither of you really know where all this will take you emotionally as well as physically. That's what I've learned in my losing journey. I started it just to lose weight and get healthier, but I've uncovered demons (and continue to), learned so much about myself, my hangups, my habits, etc. There's just so much more to it all than just getting thin! You already know this!
I decided that if he's willing to make himself uncomfortable with certain elements of this then maybe he will uncover something about himself.. it isn't for me to decide what his journey will become. I know that I am incredibly lucky to have a husband that would do this for me even if it means he's miserable doing it... I absolutely get that! I just want so much for him and to find "his thing" that makes him feel like he can grow.. KWIM? I dunno, maybe despite the fact that he never before expressed a desire to drop some weight, or to find a way to grow in any other areas, he saw this as the opportunity to go for it without really verbalizing it? Who knows! I'm just rolling with it, and like usual, I am sure he will surprise me.

Enjoy your coffee and the great weather we're having!!!
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Old 04-26-2014, 04:11 PM   #1015
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So, apparently I could have gone to my group workout early this morning because said DirecTV due did NOT show up until well past 1:30...with a window of 8am-12... Total waste of a morning and I'm annoyed I missed my class. To add insult to this whole thing....he was here maybe 10 min... REALLY??????

The good part about this is I did get to do some reading today and have been able to keep to my menu all day...but still. Waaahhh!!

*sigh* oh well.. it's over. Onward. Next time....

time for some hula..
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Old 04-28-2014, 06:21 AM   #1016
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Hey girl! You know, hubby might do better than you think. If he is willing to be a part, the BUG may bite him and he then go all in. You just never know.

How did the HULA go? I did 10 minutes this a.m.
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Old 04-28-2014, 08:43 AM   #1017
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Durn DirecTV! I hope he at least fixed the problem.

I'm missing my hooping so much! I'm just going to have to do a bit here and there. I'm sure 10 or 15 minutes wouldn't jeopardize my recovery from the resistance training too much. I just can't plant myself in front of the TV for an hour every day like I was doing.

Were you a 24 fan? I'm curious about what this new season is going to be like. I loved that show the first few seasons, but by the last one, I felt like it had lost all its steam. I've got my DVR set, but maybe I'll even watch it live. It's on the evening of Cinco de Mayo, and I'm thinking I might like it better after a few margaritas!
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Old 04-28-2014, 09:39 AM   #1018
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Originally Posted by zipp2play View Post
Hey girl! You know, hubby might do better than you think. If he is willing to be a part, the BUG may bite him and he then go all in. You just never know.

How did the HULA go? I did 10 minutes this a.m.
I'm figuring he will surprise me...he inevitably does He's one of those guys who quietly toils in the corner and then comes out like a rock star in the end..it's really amazing actually. The hula is still pretty crappy I work on in for 5 or 10 min and then I get cranky with it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoCarbGal View Post
Durn DirecTV! I hope he at least fixed the problem.

I'm missing my hooping so much! I'm just going to have to do a bit here and there. I'm sure 10 or 15 minutes wouldn't jeopardize my recovery from the resistance training too much. I just can't plant myself in front of the TV for an hour every day like I was doing.

Were you a 24 fan? I'm curious about what this new season is going to be like. I loved that show the first few seasons, but by the last one, I felt like it had lost all its steam. I've got my DVR set, but maybe I'll even watch it live. It's on the evening of Cinco de Mayo, and I'm thinking I might like it better after a few margaritas!
NO they did not fix the problem.. and as a matter a fact, I am stuck here at home until 4pm Now they decide to send out the big guns to come and try to figure this out.. Just what I want to deal with

Oh man, I could never do an hour of it..of course, like I said, I spend more time dodging the thing from landing on my feet more than anything else.. I hate not being able to keep it going round and round.

We own ever season of 24 and have only gotten through the 2nd season I'm sure we'll try watching the new one, we're usually suckers for anything new! Right now my ultimate favorite show is Person of Interest...I just love it and all the characters.
--------------------------

Well, what can I say? It's been an interesting few days. I am in the midst of a major transition with my mindset on "dieting" and weightloss..
I am reading up on intuitive eating and discovering that it is resonating a lot more with me than I ever imagined..

A couple weeks ago I started paying attention to my hunger cues and when it was "time to eat" and was horrified to realize just how often I was eating when I was NOT hungry.. very disturbing. This philosophy goes against everything I have learned about cycling and what it takes to be "successful" with that program.. This weekend, despite berating myself the night's before, I'd gotten up both mornings fully intending to cycle.. only to discover that I could not ignore the fact that I was not hungry at all within 30 min. of waking... Rule #1... Of course I had bouts of recriminating thoughts about what a failure I am at this, questioning wth is wrong with me.. then yesterday I just decided to run with IE. I decided to own my hunger, to wait and feel it and then act on it based on what sounded pleasant to me. What a freeing experience that was! I am sure it was not nearly nutritionally sound as it should have been, but I only ate when I was hungry and did not over eat. I'm still floundering with this notion of course, there is so much to digest and process... learning that hunger is not an emergency...holy WOW what an epiphany!

With that said, I am questioning what to do about my program that I committed to. It is promoted with the idea behind carb cycling...but, I just do not know if I can make that work. At least not right now. If I'm asked I will explain to them that I've essentially been on a diet for the last 14 years more than I have been off of one. Seriously! I will just have to let them know that I am trying to figure out my feelings about eating and to me that means no restriction whatsoever. My goal has always been at being able to tackle the emotional aspect of this journey. I truly feel that this program is the key to that. By not having to stress over the idea of following a specific plan I think will allow me to work on the mental side while paying attention to my hunger ques. My hope is that they will agree with me and leave me alone to do my work.

On that note, I'm HUNGRY!
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Old 04-28-2014, 10:29 AM   #1019
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Joy Joy and Calichris over at JUDDD Are trying IE and doing well at it. I am never hungry when I get up and can wait until later to eat. As successful as people are on Chris Powell's diet, I simply cannot eat that many times a day. I do think JUDDD has taken away the constant need for food for me. Note I said "for me". It is not for everyone.

I think the way you are looking at other possibilities is probably part of the introspection you are doing with the class. We are each so different that one way is definitely not for everyone! I do think you are in a space to find what works for you.
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Old 04-28-2014, 11:35 AM   #1020
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Originally Posted by Seabreezes View Post
Joy Joy and Calichris over at JUDDD Are trying IE and doing well at it. I am never hungry when I get up and can wait until later to eat. As successful as people are on Chris Powell's diet, I simply cannot eat that many times a day. I do think JUDDD has taken away the constant need for food for me. Note I said "for me". It is not for everyone.

I think the way you are looking at other possibilities is probably part of the introspection you are doing with the class. We are each so different that one way is definitely not for everyone! I do think you are in a space to find what works for you.
I saw they were, this is good news! I found that sometimes I am hungry in the morning, other times not really.. but to eat when I'm not truly feeling hunger just sounds so counter-productive. Can't argue with the fact that eating just to eat IS overeating..

So many people with success on Chris's plan and I still feel like it's sound, level-headed advice, it just doesn't pertain to me right now. I'm wondering if I will naturally gravitate to my own version of cycling once I get my footing with IE... it would be nice but I'm not worrying about it right now. I do know that I am gravitating to most of what's on the food lists, just at varying times and different portions..

To trust myself and my instincts is hard. I have spent years & years full of self-doubt and second guessing every single choice I've made in regards to weight loss.. I even wrote about this on a worksheet for class last week when asked what transformation meant to me..part of it for me means that I will stop that thought process and be totally content & comfortable with my choices. Go figure!
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