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Old 12-16-2013, 01:24 PM   #151
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that you're feeling skinny! I think that feeling comes when you know you're body is shrinking and clothes are fitting better. And I don't know about you, but I always feel thinner when I'm staying LC. Whatever the reason, I'm so happy for you!
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Old 12-17-2013, 05:58 AM   #152
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Headed downtown Austin this morning to have labs for fiancé, today our lives change forever depending on the outcome. Which will not be known until February 10th.

I didn't sleep worth a damn and neither did he. I'll be glad to get this day behind us and find out the results. I really hope this child is not his and we can go on about our lives. I've tried to be the positive one with comments and reasonings like... I can't give him children so this may be a good thing, but honestly... No. I don't want/need this.

Gonna try to stay on plan, but on top of all the above, I don't feel good today. Allergies maybe? Stuffy, itchy eyes, snotty and achy.
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Old 12-17-2013, 06:52 AM   #153
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Thinking of you today, hon. Your fiancé is lucky to have such a strong and lovely lady by his side, that's for sure. Good luck!
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Old 12-19-2013, 06:34 AM   #154
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I haven't been here since Tuesday morning. For shame.

Tue went ok, just lots of anxiety from both fiancé and myself. Now the waiting starts, we won't get results til court in February. We also got some Christmas shopping out of the way...

My eating has been pretty LC however haven't really had a good solid down day, had a merry margarita party with my gal pals last night so as a result I'm bouncing 200 ish. Go figure.

In a hurry today my son has appts
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Old 12-19-2013, 05:12 PM   #155
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Hang in there Susan. The holiday season is challenging!
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Old 12-19-2013, 06:05 PM   #156
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Good luck with the results. I have been super busy as well. Haven't really been reading the blogs. I hope you are doing well my friend.
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Old 12-19-2013, 06:50 PM   #157
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I'm exhausted

Completely, physically mentally and emotionally exhausted. I am not really sure I can take the time or effort to find my favorite night gown. THAT kind of tired. It will be all I can do to go from here, the dining room to bed. Brush my teeth and take makeup off? Maybe. But that's gonna require effort.

My house looks like a hurricane hit it, my car also. I've a yellow legal pad list of 20 more things to get done before this weekend and I honestly don't know how I'm gonna make it all happen.

These down days are going to have to be re considered. I have 0 energy. My life and schedule maybe requires some calories? I dunno. But this is an awful feeling. Maybe my up days need to be better nutritionally so I can do the down days? I'll figure it out somehow. But this overwhelming fatigue is not a good thing.

Signed, She Who Sleeps With Dogs.
(That's my Indian name given to me by Pearlsnap)

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Old 12-20-2013, 06:04 AM   #158
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This time of year can be very difficult in many ways. I too am somewhat overwhelmed and have to constantly fight to remain calm. And this despite the fact that we keep our celebrations relatively low-key compared to most people. It is just a very busy time when our normal routines are disrupted. But we always get through it don't we? Take a deep breath and treasure your wonderful fiance, your beautiful ranch and your friends. I'm trying to slow down and tell myself that it won't be the end of the world if everything doesn't get done perfectly or even if it doesn't get done at all. I think it is too easy to let our perfectionistic instincts take over. I'm trying to relax more and go with the flow.
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Old 12-20-2013, 06:48 AM   #159
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Originally Posted by LolaGetz View Post
This time of year can be very difficult in many ways. I too am somewhat overwhelmed and have to constantly fight to remain calm. And this despite the fact that we keep our celebrations relatively low-key compared to most people. It is just a very busy time when our normal routines are disrupted. But we always get through it don't we? Take a deep breath and treasure your wonderful fiance, your beautiful ranch and your friends. I'm trying to slow down and tell myself that it won't be the end of the world if everything doesn't get done perfectly or even if it doesn't get done at all. I think it is too easy to let our perfectionistic instincts take over. I'm trying to relax more and go with the flow.
Thank you for this Lola.. I needed to hear this this morning. Your right, it's not the end of the world. I will get done what I get done. I can't do more than that.

I'm 20 days into JUDDD and I'm really not having the success I had hoped for.

I'm using the up days to cheat and I have to stop that pattern some how. If I want to continue to keep JUDDD in my plan, I HAVE to get in control of that. Any it's not all about the scale. It's the other carb induced symptoms. The fatigue, the achy joints, the skin issues that have resurfaced just in the last 20 days.

So. Today is UD and has to be LC.
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Old 12-20-2013, 12:13 PM   #160
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You know, Susan, I've noticed a phrase frequently used on these boards, "having to white knuckle it", which has really struck a chord with me. While I've not had any temptation to eat off plan, a while back I quit smoking (for the 100th time in my life) and even though in the past I've gone for years without smoking in every single case I eventually weakened, smoked one cigarette and before I knew it was once again smoking on a regular basis. This time I vowed I would finally be smoke-free for life and so far I haven't given in to the urges which I still feel pretty consistently. I tell myself, thanks to the wisdom of LCF mentors, "you just have to white knuckle it". That has become my new mantra and so far it has worked. It is a very useful phrase I think because it reminds me that this is not and will not be easy but that I can do it if I just tough it out as so many others have (and as I have in the past). With smoking I've heard it said that it often takes many attempts at quitting before one is successful for good. I think the same may be true for our out of control eating habits; we just have to attempt to reform our patterns and, when we slip up, begin again with our attempt at reforming for good.
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Old 12-20-2013, 12:52 PM   #161
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Susan, there is a great article by Dr. Mercola on his site today about intermittent fasting. Goggle Dr. M to find it. He definitely advocates doing it low carb as well as the IF. Even if people don't use it for losing weight, the health benefits are wonderful.

Take a deep breath, you'll get through all of this!

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Old 12-20-2013, 07:44 PM   #162
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LolaGetz View Post
You know, Susan, I've noticed a phrase frequently used on these boards, "having to white knuckle it", which has really struck a chord with me. While I've not had any temptation to eat off plan, a while back I quit smoking (for the 100th time in my life) and even though in the past I've gone for years without smoking in every single case I eventually weakened, smoked one cigarette and before I knew it was once again smoking on a regular basis. This time I vowed I would finally be smoke-free for life and so far I haven't given in to the urges which I still feel pretty consistently. I tell myself, thanks to the wisdom of LCF mentors, "you just have to white knuckle it". That has become my new mantra and so far it has worked. It is a very useful phrase I think because it reminds me that this is not and will not be easy but that I can do it if I just tough it out as so many others have (and as I have in the past). With smoking I've heard it said that it often takes many attempts at quitting before one is successful for good. I think the same may be true for our out of control eating habits; we just have to attempt to reform our patterns and, when we slip up, begin again with our attempt at reforming for good.
.
I smoke. A lot. As many as possible. I like it. Love it. Can't wait til the next pack i crack open smoke. 2 packs a day, more if I'm drinking. It's a HUGE addiction. I know it's not good for me. I know it makes me wheeze. I know I'd save money and breath, yet I do it anyways. *shrug.* I guess ill quit when I get ready to quit. Id really rather not hear any bull about it because I know the details. Just because I'm a smoker doesn't mean I'm uneducated. Lol.

Going tomorrow to get my nails done, toes and eyebrows.. It's a friends birthday event. Gonna be fun! I need a day out!

Today was pretty LC, lunch was chicken breast and one bite of cole slaw
Dinner tonight is chicken salad.
Lots of good fat in the chicken salad


Let's see what the scales say mañana!
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Old 12-21-2013, 02:54 AM   #163
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Yeah, with smoking one has to 'all in' to quit because it is so difficult to do. You have to really want it in your heart and totally commit to doing it. Words from other people, well meant scare tactics and advice, won't make a dent. It's as you say: you just have to be ready to quit.

Hope you have a good day today and that the scales bring pleasant news.
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Old 12-21-2013, 04:27 AM   #164
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Early morning here, late night last night too.. But fiancé woke me up while he was getting ready to go hunting. So yep. I'm up.

A lot going on for me this weekend, today's spa day with friends and I then tomorrow we are headed to go to San Antonio for a estate sale/art exhibit for my ex boyfriends brother who passed in November. His name was Rick Hunter. Very talent photographer who's work I have in my home. I met rick when rod and I dated for a couple of years and he was a captivating man. Can't wait to see rod, we are still very close friends and the exhibit.

'Brilliant' photographer Rick Hunter, 53, dies - San Antonio Express-News

I am planning a very low key Christmas Eve and Christmas Day around here. Christmas Eve my aunt has offered to make a ton of homemade pizzas for everyone so that's taken care of, I see toppings and salad in my future that night. And then Christmas Day is at fiancés family during the afternoon and back here for steaks with daddy. No major derails that I can foresee yet. Will be good to see everyone and spend time with them, but frankly I'll be glad once the holidays are over.

So all my cheating has brought on a boil. Which I haven't had once since September. It's in a bad spot and hard to sit down. So.. I have to stop cheating like now. Today. One would think that pain and infection would be a pretty big motivator not to eat off plan. When will I ever learn?
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Old 12-21-2013, 04:58 AM   #165
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We learn in increments, step by step. I can't tell you how many times I have repeatedly made the same mistakes...just over and over again until I finally wholeheartedly decide to change, fully commit to it, and am able succeed in doing so. I think it is a human thing. We have to keep at it until we are finally able to change. You are not alone in struggling, Susan.

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Old 12-21-2013, 05:04 AM   #166
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I checked out the link you posted. Rick Hunter's photographs are amazing. What a talented man he was.
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Old 12-21-2013, 08:27 AM   #167
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You're right about quitting smoking. You have to really, REALLY want to do it. Not unlike the losing weight thing for me. I've done both, and I've failed miserably trying to do both many times. It's been about 12 years for me for quitting smoking.

Sorry about the boil. They are so miserable! My friend and I just had a very detailed and frank discussion about boils the other day. It's a relief to talk to people who know what it's like. Mine have really 99% stopped at this point, and I'm just waiting out the scars fading. They are....slowly. You will get there.

It sounds like you have a nice set of Christmas plans. Can you believe it's only a few days away? Boy, that went fast this year!

Have a great weekend!
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Old 12-22-2013, 07:08 AM   #168
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So, 204 on the scale this morning and normally I'd blow that off and carry on. However... I know it's food choice related. Yesterday was an absolute disaster with food at the spa. Then too many top shelf margaritas with grand mariner floaters at dinner. I guess I thought skipping the tortillas with fajitas was somehow gonna balance out the peanut brittle and tons of cheese and summer sausage I had earlier in the day. Stupid.

I gotta get back into ketosis. Pronto. Between the miserable symptoms of cheating with sugar and carbs, then the water retention from the sodium in the Rita's and sausages, it's a wonder I'm not weighing in at 206. Hopefully I can have a good couple of LC days and get myself back on track. I wonder just exactly when it happened... The no longer being in ketosis? Likely my first week of JUDDD. Because my hunger came back on then, and the ugly dumb rationalizing thought process of a true food addict happened pretty quickly too. Sneak eating, swearing it won't happen again, the awful pattern of "I've already blown it for today, so why not"

I know everyone I talk to about this is going to advise to be forgiving of myself and just chalk it up to experience and move on. But it seems I'm so hard headed that I have no choice but to be hard on myself. I got to 250+ pounds being forgiving of myself.

Off to the exhibit and going to try not focusing on food for awhile.
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Old 12-22-2013, 08:01 AM   #169
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You can do this Susan! I know all too well about being hard on myself. Go ahead and take responsibility for your food choices. Yep, you made 'em, you ate it. No one forced you. It was a mistake. But don't continue to beat yourself up about it. Self-defeating!

You know what you've got to do, and you have a plan. So I'd say that's a win.
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Old 12-23-2013, 03:39 PM   #170
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Old 12-24-2013, 05:28 AM   #171
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206.4 is what the scales said. Wow.

I don't even know where to start wondering about that one, surely it's not fat. I'm puffy and bloated and I've no idea why.

Really was not expecting that. I had a good eating day yday, all LC and no alcohol. I think I may be fixing to have an actual period, because my face is broke out and my boobs hurt. Plus I was a complete shrew last night to the fiancé.

I may go back to bed and see what the scale says later lol.
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Old 12-24-2013, 12:51 PM   #172
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I'll be so glad when today and tomorrow are over, I am literally counting the hours. I am not sure I'm gonna make it without a break down.

5 months today mamas been gone and it hurts worse today than it has in months.

3 months since I've lost weight. I've bounced, but I'm basically at that 203 I was on sept 24th.

4 months since I've started hating my job and I still hate it today.

4 months since I got the second depo shot and I'm still bleeding daily.

6 months since I've left this ranch for more than work and more than a day out running errands.


Over it.
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Old 12-25-2013, 03:21 AM   #173
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I hope today turns out better than you were anticipating, Susan, and that you do have a joyful day. Merry Christmas sweetie.
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Old 12-25-2013, 07:50 AM   #174
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Merry Christmas Susan. Don't worry about the tiny gain -- I am sure it is TOM and everyone gains water weight then. I am so sorry about your mom -- it is really hard the first holiday without a loved one. Please know that so many folks love you!
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Old 12-25-2013, 08:34 PM   #175
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Very very hard day today, I'm exhausted from being sad, crying and trying not to simply snap.

I stayed pretty close to plan today, and only had one cocktail. I did eat a cube of fudge brought by a friend, and some tortilla chips and queso.

I want to feel normal again, I want to be happy again. I just don't see it happening. It occurred to me that I need to maybe see someone about my grief and my sadness that's overwhelming at times. Wonder what something like that costs, therapy/support or maybe even a dr for depression meds.i dunno.

I'm going to bed, gonna say some thoughtful prayer before I fall asleep and hope the sun is shining in the morning.

Hope all my lcf ppl had a wonderful holiday
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Old 12-26-2013, 09:27 AM   #176
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Susan, not too long ago I was completely overwhelmed with my life. It was horrible. I would get miserable that I wasn't losing weight, and stop taking my thyroid medication completely. I was making myself sicker. This went on for about 2 years before I shared it with anyone. Then, this year happened. Work slowed down, it was harder to pay bills, Andrew was turning 18, and I was miserable. I went to my regular doctor, and I came clean. I told him I would get depressed that the meds had made me gain weight instead of losing. I was depressed that my life was pretty much going to ****. I was depressed that my baby was turning 18. I cried in front of him. It was a hard thing to do (but probably a lot cheaper than a therapist). After my little "coming clean" speech, filled with tears and hysterical-ness, he said I think you need a mild antidepressant. He prescribed that in October. I have been on it two months now, and it has done wonders for me. Do you have a regular doctor? Someone you trust? It was hard for me to tell him I had been avoiding my meds for so long, and that I was afraid I had done more damage to myself, but it really made me feel empowered and in control. And, even though recently life has still been crazy with work being slow, I don't feel like I am under water trying to breathe. I take it one day at a time, and it isn't so hard to say that as it was three months ago. I would schedule an appointment with your primary care physician, someone that you trust, and just tell him what is going on in your life. Tell him how you feel. He may be able to help more than you think.

I hope everything works out for you.
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Old 12-26-2013, 01:50 PM   #177
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Susan. I think you are referring mostly to the loss of you mom. That hasn't been more than a half a year? You need more time to heal, hon. It just flat out takes time. I lost my dad right before I turned 21. He was my rock, my daddy, and it felt like the whole world had come out from under me. It got better, easier, but only as time passed. I still miss him every day, and I'll never be the same, but I feel happy about him, and only sad occasionally. Just blessed that he was my dad for 21 years that I had him.

I don't think you're going through anything abnormal. Missing loved ones at significant times like birthdays, holidays, is normal. And you're still experiencing all the "firsts". First Thanksgiving without her. First Christmas without her. I remember when it turned 2000 and I felt like it was wrong to leave the 1900's and go into the 2000's without him. Kind of crazy, but it's just how we feel.

Go easy on yourself and let yourself feel what you need to feel. It'll get better, I promise. As my wise, stoic, and kind of gruff great-aunt told me once, and I have to chuckle now when I think about it:

"Time heals all wounds. Or else we'd all be battier than a bedbug!"

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Old 12-27-2013, 03:14 AM   #178
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Thinking of you dear Susan. Lisa's suggestion about checking with your GP is good advice. And Carol's words are very wise. My son died 25 years ago and Christmas has never been the same for me since. Other than attending family gatherings we keep it very low key. These days my husband and I escape to the coast for a week every Christmas. And we do enjoy ourselves while we're here. Losing loved ones changes holidays and changes us forever. But that doesn't mean you won't feel joy again. As Carol says, give it time. Sending good thoughts your way.
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Old 12-27-2013, 07:49 AM   #179
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You ladies are so good and wise, thank you all for your insight and sharing with me. I cants explain how much y'all's support means to me. Truly.

The last few days have been the hardest ones yet, and I'm sure it's because of the holidays, but also because I've been holding a lot in to be strong for everyone else, ya know? I'm very strong willed, and always have been the caregiver, the one with the solutions for my family/work/friends and the one with sane advice.. And now I feel so... Weak and out of answers. And I really want someone else to handle things, someone else to make decisions. But I also know they would suck at it. Lol

I don't have health insurance but I am going to make an appt with our local dr here, he's nice and was/is mom and dad's dr, something's gotta give with the depression before I drink myself to death.

Yday was ok,, I stayed on plan with a Down day and fairly LC and shed some of the water I was retaining, so I'm at 201 today. I also fired one of my bartenders so that means I'll be slinging booze all weekend and until we go to tabc hearings on the 15th. No point in hiring until we find out if we get shut down or not. I don't mind the work, the extra money will be nice and it will help me sleep because it's very physical. Plus it will keep me from drinking as much thru New Year's Eve.

Staying LC today if possible as I have a busy day ahead of me. Which unfortunately starts now. Thanks again y'all for the support and the hugs. I'll be ok, somehow.
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Old 12-29-2013, 07:15 AM   #180
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Austin, Tx
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WOE: Atkins
Start Date: July 4th 2013 sugar first, then LC august 25th
Checking in this morning because I've been incredibly busy this weekend with work. 202.4 this morning and I've been veering off plan again.

I've managed to get a head cold too, yukko. So upped my co and started zinc trying to keep it in check.

Headed to work...
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