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Old 03-17-2014, 11:06 AM   #31
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I'm kind of grumpy today. It's almost lunchtime, and I haven't eaten yet, I figured out that my scale is a piece of crap (if I step on it three times, I get three different answers), and ... oh, I'm just grumpy.

So I stay on track and don't feed my grumps with something off-plan, I'll spitball a menu for the rest of the day:

B: Failed
S: Peanut butter on a LC tortilla, coffee
L: Spinach salad with chicken, gorgonzola, half an avocado
D: Corned beef, oven-roasted green beans
S: Hot dog and piece of cheese
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Old 03-28-2014, 01:45 PM   #32
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I'm battling a whole bucket full of frustrations and thoughts and crappy feelings right now, for various reasons. The first one: I got a new scale, it works, I weigh a few pounds more on it than I did on the old scale, and it didn't budge for a week. I tried focusing on how LC makes me feel better no matter what, but COME ON.

Then, yesterday, after a day of house cleaning and organization, we were too tired, and the kitchen was too cluttered, to feel like cooking. So we ordered pizza. I knew I shouldn't be doing it, but I did it anyway. Three pieces.

I woke up to three extra pounds on the scale this morning, which I know are water but I'M NOT HELPING MYSELF ANY BY EATNG EFFING PIZZA. Jumped back on the coconut oil in my coffee, planned some chicken and salad for lunch ... I'm not letting this derail me, but I'm feeling gloomy.

I feel like I'm going to be fat for the rest of my life. Like it's just predestined, no matter what I eat or don't eat. Yes, I know that this isn't factually true ... but it's how I feel right now. Then I feel like, why can't I love myself the way I am? And then I get angry because I live in a world that won't LET me love myself the way I am. And I think, I shouldn't have to lose weight to be considered attractive and worthy, and I get pissed at myself for dieting at all.

But I want this. I'm lucky that I have a supportive husband who puts up with my crazy, and my mood swings, and tells me I'm "cute," and who says, "It's going to take awhile. You know this. You're not going to lose it all overnight. You're doing great." Which is wonderful to hear, even if it's not penetrating my skull at the moment.

Last edited by SeriouslyFunny; 03-28-2014 at 01:48 PM..
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Old 03-28-2014, 05:28 PM   #33
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No! You are not going to be fat for the rest of your life. We all stumble and fall occasionally, because we are human, but we get back up and get back on track and keep moving forward.

"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don't lose faith. Keep your eyes on the prize. You can do it, Seriously.
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Old 03-28-2014, 07:52 PM   #34
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Just wanted to say hello and that I could completely identify with your last post. I feel like I want to say "forget it" but I remember that there are important reasons that I cannot do that. Keep trying! As long as you get back up after you fall there is always hope.
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Old 04-17-2014, 10:50 AM   #35
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The scale is finally moving down, instead of up. Number-wise, I'm right back where I started ... but I did drop that additional 4 pounds off that crept on when I went off the rails.

Nighttime is hardest. At the very end of the day, it's like my body/brain notices that I haven't had an overload of carbs all day, and it WANTS me to overcharge my blood sugar. Last night, I had a cup of SF hot cocoa, and it did the trick. I may need to get macadamia nuts or pork rinds to chew along with it, and fool myself into thinking I'm overindulging.

Breakfasts have become really easy. I'm not a huge breakfast person -- I mean, I loveloveove breakfast foods, but I don't really like eating when I first get up in the morning -- and the coconut oil in my coffee is a godsend. It keeps me full until lunch, and gives me an energy boost, as well. I was actually a little hungry this morning, so I supplemented with an ounce of cream cheese.

Food today:
B: Coffee, coconut oil, 1 oz. cream cheese
L: Spinach salad with HB eggs
D: Ham, with broccoli in cheese sauce
S: SF hot cocoa
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Old 04-18-2014, 10:30 AM   #36
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I've been eating using NK guidelines this week, and I'm finally seeing the old low-carb results I remember! Down 2.5 pounds on the scale this morning! Plus I have that LC energy and mental clarity that I've missed so much.

I'm shooting for 100g of protein (range is between 74 and 123), with 70-80 percent of my calories from fat. Carbs under 50, though I've been under 25 each day.

I ran out of coconut oil (gasp!) so I have to get to Trader Joe's this afternoon. I had an ounce of cream cheese with my coffee instead. But I need that coconut oil!

Something I learned from the last time I did low carb that still holds true: My body loves broccoli. It's like magic -- if I eat broccoli, I see a drop in the scale the next day. It's weird.

B: Coffee w/HWC, cream cheese
L: Spinach salad with ham, HB eggs
D: Probably ham again (there's a LOT of ham), with broccoli and cheese sauce

OH! And I plan to finally make Oopsie Rolls today for the first time! I'm also going to color my hair so I don't feel quite so frumpy.
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Old 04-24-2014, 11:26 AM   #37
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I'm in the sweet spot right now, which feels great. Losing (slooooowly, but losing) and feeling so much better. LC makes my arthritis aches and pains about 75% better, yet I've always gone back to the carbs. Why? What the hell's wrong with me? I feel GOOD right now!

I went to a mental health clinic yesterday to get a new scrip for Celexa, and it turned out to be a really, really good experience. My intake counselor was super-nice, and validated that, yes, with all I've been through the last couple of years, it makes sense that I'm having issues with depression and panic attacks. It's no small thing to have a professional tell you that, yeah, that's major. He encouraged me to see a therapist to talk out the stress monsters on my head, and I believe that I'll do just that.

After, I had drinks and a long, long lunch with a friend. Despite four (!) vodka-sodas and a 1/2 cup of rice with my bowl of red curry chicken, I was down a pound on the scale today. Yay!

Bonus: When I picked up my prescription, I discovered that with my new insurance there was NO COPAY on one of my my meds, and the other was $1. Thanks, Obama! Seriously. I'm not being sarcastic. The ACA enabled me to get insurance, and it's awesome.

Last edited by SeriouslyFunny; 04-24-2014 at 11:28 AM..
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Old 04-25-2014, 01:40 PM   #38
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Two opposing ideas at the same time.

Cognitive dissonance is the "mental stress and discomfort experienced by an individual who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values at the same time."

I'm trying to lose weight, and I'm trying to learn to love myself as I am, at the same time.

I'm friends with people who are activists for -- and I whole-heartedly support -- body positivity, while actively trying to become un-fat.

There's a lot of seeming cognitive dissonance to this, but both are important to me. I just have to remember that I'm losing weight for my own reasons, not because I'm a loser, or ugly, or socially unacceptable the way I am now. I'm doing this, yes, for my vanity, but also for my health.

Just keep repeating: This is for ME, not for them. I'm awesome now. I'll just be awesomer.

Last edited by SeriouslyFunny; 04-25-2014 at 01:41 PM..
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Old 04-26-2014, 10:40 PM   #39
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Let's call this an "experiment." I was craving buttered toast. God knows why, of all the things in the world I've taken off the menu, that would be it. But I wanted toast so bad.

I made a huge three-egg scramble with sausage, cheese and spinach. And two slices of whole wheat toast with butter. It was wonderful.

About four hours later, around 10 at night, I was hungry again. Well, I think. Lets have one more go, just for tonight, and enjoy a bowl of cereal! So I had a bowl of raisen bran with coconut milk.

I'd had some modest bowel disturbance earlier in the day, and a half hour after the cereal, it came rumbling back. This time, it was accompanied by vomiting -- I lost everything that was in my stomach. It was epic.

So now I'm lying in bed with a sore gut, and a reminder that I CAN'T EAT THAT STUFF. Idiot.
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