Ostrich with her head up, finally
(I've never had a journal in my entire life...never felt the need to have a conversation with myself before where it's all spelled out in black and white. I could just tick it off, do a mental recap, inside my own head. But perhaps maybe others are on to something, that there's some merit to this dumping it out and looking at it stuff. After all it will force me to be honest and accountable in an out-there, in my face, kind of way that I haven't been for quite some time. So rather than start jotting it thoughts/actions down in Microsoft only to hop to and fro on the Web to keep track of what I eat (calories and carbs), log exercise somewhere else and then come back to this forum to read/learn from the experiences of those who've "been there/done that" before me I opted to collect it all and plop right here. I'm not concerned about whether or not anyone choses to comment on my journey/maze/progress of finding oneself again, though I'll smile if they do, rather I'm more intent on moving forward and leaving this depressing state I've allowed myself to get into far, far away from the reality of everyday life I want to live. And so it begins...)
Wow, amazing. I've finally taken my head out of the proverbial sandbox and really looked at myself. It wasn't one of those quick sideway glances--or that dazed in the morning as I brush my teeth mirror looks which allowed me not to mentally register things--but a dead-center, full-on, head-to-toe stare. The seconds ticked by (1-1000nd, 2-1000nd, 3-1000nd...) and my heart began to sink pretty much in time with my eyes starting to well up. It was official: I'm fat...not stocky, big-boned or plump as in the "full-figured model type" but the jiggly, wiggly "oh-holy-hell-mama that ain't right" kind of F-A-T.
It's not that I didn't know this was happening to me over the last few years; that during that course of time I'd allowed myself to pack on 40-pds. But some how, some where along the way, I just became better at avoiding the reality of it as I systematically switched from the designer jeans and form-fitting tops to the oversized sweats and T-shirts. (I even stopped shopping for clothes in retail stores and elected to order online instead. Why? Because it was much better to continue to hide from the truth in the privacy of my own home rather than face the sales clerk when having to return something for a larger size. Hello?) You'd think I would've had a V-8 kind of moment but instead I became the queen of rationalization and diversion. After all, I never liked to try on clothes in the store even when I was skinny. (But I never, ever was embarrassed about returning items...perhaps due to the fact that it was usually because I needed a smaller size not the reverse way around.) Regardless, I made excuses for myself: it was more important to focus on the food pyramid, daily walking and portion control to get my hereditary high cholesterol down (thanks so much to my Endo for scarring the beejeezus out of me and yanking me off LCarb'ing with the admonishment that I was going to suffer a stroke or heart attack). And then came perimenopause, which provided me with another handy reason why the weight kept piling on: it was my hormones bouncing around. Next were the antidepressants prescriptions because not only was overweight and hormonal but I was tired/moody all the flippin time too.
But it wasn't until I recently received the news I was pre-diabetic, that the realization hit me smack upside the head: I could literally start my own in-home pharmacy at the rate at which my countertops were filling up with meds. I was falling apart, or more aptly put: busting out at the seams. Something had to give, I couldn't go on like this. Strike that, I wouldn't go on like this. It was time for the Ostrich I'd become to look up and around herself because the predator (obesity) had grabbed her huge butt and was beginning to devour her easy-target, bulls-eye, broad-sized azzz.
So now that I've faced my demon--my reflection in the glass--after a hefty strong dose of Jack Daniels' and Diet Coke to get me past the aftershock--it was time to make myself accountable for my mental/spiritual/physical well-being once again. (And I'm a once-in-a-blue-moon indulger so that's how damn hard what I looked like hit me.) As of July 25th, I'm down from 170 to 166 just by nixing starches and refined sugars. I officially start Induction 1 Aug (I'm only delaying it until then so I can use up the fresh strawberries/raspberries I have on-hand). My long-term personal goal is to lose 30 or 40-lbs. and tighten/tone up within a 6-to-7 month timeframe. For short-term milestones, I'd like to see 5-lbs. incremental drops per month. But I recognize I might encounter metabolic resistance and may even have to jump into a Fat Fast and will most definitely deal with stalls along the way. However I think it's doable. Of course I'd like my fasting BG to be below 95 and my cholesterol ratios at the point I can ditch the statins completely by then too.
And with that decision made, that my weight is completely unacceptable to me, I've hunted down some old photos of myself (ones I've hidden high up in the back of my closet) and placed them smack dab on my refrigerator door. The images of me in my 20's in my 2d Lt. mess dress military uniform, those as a Capt. in my flight suit (damn those things make anyone look fabulous) and those from my retirement ceremony (taken 8 years ago when I was still 122-pds) to serve as a reminder of what I once was and can be again. No I'll never be 20, 30or even 40-years old (I'm almost 50 now) but I still can be that strong, vibrant, intelligent, charismatic, funny, kind, generous and pretty (though I never gave her that much credit for being so at the time) person I see reflected in those snapshots just in an older, more graceful form/frame. Translation: I don't need to look like on the outside, or feel like on the inside, that I've given up on myself. At this point, there's no doubt in my mind that I had. (Reminds me of seeing photos of Kirstie Alley, Valerie Bertinelli, Elizabeth Taylor or the like at their heaviest and how unhappy they seemed and that's the sort of pain I saw reflected in my own eyes when I stopped glancing and really took stock of myself. :eek:) BTW, in case anyone is reading this...no, I don't look like a celebrity, never have, but I can remember feeling sad for them when I saw their weight balloon up just as I was sad when I came to terms with how I'd let that happen to myself too.
I've also pulled out all my old exercise videos (VHS-variety) that I used to stay in shape while in the military and located the DVD counterparts on Amazon: Slim-in-6, The Firm, Jane Fonda, etc. While browsing I managed to snag a few more Rodney Yee yoga tapes as well as Leslie Sansone's walking series (it's too damn hot/humid and mosquito/gnat infested outside to even think about going there), Zumba Fitness and the original Power 90 collection. Since I'm so out of condition, compared to what I use to be, I've decided to just continue to walk on the treadmill for the next 2 weeks as I enter Induction. Once I'm past the blah of the Atkins' Flu, which I'm sure to feel given my carb addiction, I'll switch over to Slim-in-6 in conjunction with using Leslie's tapes during the day and light/meditative yoga at night. After six weeks of this, I'll transition on to Zumba or Power 90...who knows, maybe both...and continue rotating through all the programs (start to finish for each) until I hit my goal. I do best with a regimen of some kind, in terms of a fixed length format, when it comes to exercise as it mirrors training session in the military. I can do anything for 6- week or 90-day periods as long as it's structured. It might seem repetitive or boring to some--the same thing day after day for X-period of time--but I like the KISS principle because it keeps me from meandering off course.
Now onto calories. At my height/age and body type, I'm going to have to stay between 1200-1500 calories and equal to or less than 20 gms of carbs daily intake spread out over 3 meals and one or two snacks as I keep an eye on my glucose levels. As my activity level/stamina increases I might need to adjust caloric intake upward some to keep me fueled. Then again, I might not as there's plenty of fat reserves to draw from. And thankfully I'm not that into a wide variety of foods to chose from or have the remotest desire to become a culinary chef: plain meat and veggies suits me just fine. My only problem comes on the subject of aqua. HATE IT. Though I know it's not only important for flushing ketones out but for keeping my digestion on track. I'll have to stock up on bottled water and add some carb-free flavorings to it because otherwise it ain't gonna happen.
Okay, it's time to wrap this up and start getting my grocery list going. I've rambled on to myself for long enough. (My butt's numb from sitting here typing away.) Tomorrow is Day 1 and I want my food prepped and ready to go for the week.
I'll log what I ate, calories and carbs consumed as well as my walking session on my next entry.
August 1st is a GREAT time to get completely focused! You can do this.
Aww...thanks so much for the encouragement Zipp! :heart::up:
Yikes, I can yap myself into ad-nauseum if the above post is any indication. Who would've thunk it that I'd have that much verbiage ruminating around inside that 3-lbs organ clambering to be heard, acknowledged and validated by me to me? Or that I just might find this journaling tool useful, let alone potentially addictive? Uh-oh, if Iím not careful Iíll find myself pouring over self-help books soon. Paging Dr. Philócome in Dr. Phil. :o
The simple, unmitigated truth is I had a mid-life crisis: :eek: I retired and didnít have a plan of action (a sense of purpose or repurpose) to fall back on. I grew up in the military and then chose it as my own career path. It was my passion from as far back as I can remember. Apparently it became such an ingrained part of my persona that without the uniform I lost sight of the qualities of the woman (me) who made it all possible. Itís like I took it off for the last time and had a massive identity crisis in the processómy Type A personality apparently went on the window. Granted, it didnít happen overnight. I still managed to design and build a 2800-square-foot house, outrageously huge for a single person, acting as my own general contractor for the first two years after leaving the service. There is that to consider. I did go sky-diving a few times, but my motto still holds that I find no logical reason to jump out of a perfectly good airplane. I also made a few yearly treks to the Midwest to snow ski for a while yet when the weight started piling on I found it harder and harder to breathe at high altitudes. But I havenít gone back to school to obtain another bachelorsí or mastersí degreeÖsomething I always wanted to do but never had time for. Nor have I traveled to Ireland or Scotland which has also been on my Bucket List.
I know Iím not alone in that feeling of being lost, out-of-sorts, off kilter at times. Some take lifeís major changes in stride while others go a little off the deep end: buying an outrageously priced Jag, Porsche, having an affair, etc. :stars: Me? I went into a quasi-feeding frenzy, grazing my way through the food pyramid into a state of inertia. Whereís the funóthe thrill, the carpe diemóin that? :( Granted, I changed the way I ate at the insistence of my Endo. But why didnít I dial-it-back or reverse course once I saw it wasnít working for me? Why did I give up on me so easily, allowing someone else to take charge despite seeing I was going down the wrong path health-wise? Why did I avoid the obvious? And why, oh why, did I start taking those damn anti-depressants? Iím not dead after all. Iím not suffering from any type of terminal illnessóunless, deep down, I saw getting older as prelude to either one of those. That analogy makes sense to me, now that Iíve written it. But since I canít change the inevitable weíll all face, my only recourse is to snap out of the pity party and make the best of life while Iím still outside the proverbial box. I need a plan; I need to start rewarding myself for goals achieved as I hit them and I also need to keep expanding my ďTo DoĒ list along the way or Iíll be in danger of hitting nothingness again. (Reminds me of an old Billy Preston song with lyrics close to: ĎNothin from nothin leaves nothin. You gotta have somethin if you wanna be with me.í) :sing: However itís equally obvious too that I hate taking anti-depressants because Iíve never felt like I was stuck in such a mental flat-spin state in my entire lifeÖlet alone dwelling on the past so much. Itís not like I can change itówhatís already happened.
However in the interest of my future, besides reading DANDR and Bernstein, I've started experimenting. Although I've been semi-LCarbíing for a week, not the true Induction regimen since I was still eating a few berries every day, I have eaten a half slice of bread or a quarter of baked potato every other day to see how I felt afterwards. Usually within a half-hour or so of doing it, Iíd become extremely tired, moody and my joints would ache. When I stayed truer to Induction, but just a smidge off by added berries once a day, I felt phenomenal. Yesterday, for the first time in a long while, I cooked taco meatóadding a packet of seasoning already on-handóand the same thing occurred. I felt physically and mentally drained and emotionally irritable shortly thereafter. I couldn't figure out why as I felt fine before. I hadn't consumed anything other than an egg for breakfast so I l dug the seasoning package out of the garbage and read the label, wheat was a listed ingredient. Say what? Is nothing safe inside a packet or box anymore? Why do you need wheat flour in taco seasoning? Iím no Rachael Ray, thatís apparent, but seriously must I sleuth out all products? <Sigh> Anyway, there is a point to this diatribe: it appears I might be extremely sensitive to gluten and need to avoid like the plague as well need to watch higher carb containing/starchy items as I move out of Induction and on to OWL. Maybe once the blahs of true Induction pass, I'll try lowering the daily antidepressant dose to see if I can wean off completely. Who knows, could there be a direct correlation between how I was feeling (tired/moody) and what I was eating from the food pyramid? Yes Iím in perimenopause, taking bio-identical hormones, and Iím also recently diagnosed as a pre-diabetic but the antidepressant prescription preceded all of that. Can't hurt to try.
Okay, so the plan is to follow Atkins. Iíve read the book cover to cover. I went grocery shopping yesterday and stuck to the allowed food list. After eating the tacos (sans tortillas) and recovering from the effects by popping an Aleve and taking a long nap (which I donít normally do), I woke up and cooked a weekís worth of meals. I pan fried 14 chicken legs (without batter), grilled 4 large juicy steaks, sautťed some mushrooms, boiled a dozen organic eggs, prepped all them veggies (note to self: buy a salad spinner) and cubed my sharp cheddar cheese and put it in 4-oz serving portions inside Ziploc bags. While at the store I bought 2 containers of HWC for my coffee, snatched 2 boxes of Stevia, picked up some coconut oil and a few other seasoning spices which didnít contain anything suspicious. Given I hate pure agua, I made a two gallons of decaf ice tea and set up another pitcher containing bottled water with Crystal Light. I know the book says to avoid aspartame at all costs so Iíll have to look around on-line for a zero-carb alternative flavoring which doesnít include it because Publix doesnít carry anything close to that. :annoyed: (I was practically cross-eyed from reading labels while I searched for one.) So I think Iím all set in terms of having plenty ready-to-eat food on hand to choose from for the week. Thank God Iím indifferent to having to eat leftovers. And equally blessed that I donít normally suffer from cravings. (Although dark chocolate during TOM is a huge exception. Iíd probably do bodily damage to someone if they attempted to separate me from it.) But since Iím all about making this transition as easy as possible, I felt whipping up everything beforehand was the way to go. Another note to self: read the boards for allowed chocolate recipes. I think I recall seeing cocoa powder and Stevia mentioned somewhere. Hmmm.
Anyhoo switching over to the present. This morning I woke up and went to stand on the Devilís throne: weight was 164.6. I recalibrated it because the first time it read 164.2. I didnít trust itómainly because Iíve been a consistent 166 for a number of days and havenít really counted calories or been on Induction per se, given my little experiments. Frankly Iím not sure how long that new reading will last before bouncing back up as I did see the same ping-pongingóup down, up downóas I went from 170 to 166. Come to think of it, I remember having a 164 reading, the next day after seeing the 166 for the first time, but then I shot right back and stayed in a holding pattern until today. I attributed the 164 number to having worked all day in the yard: mowing, edging, weed-whacking and whatnot. The temp and heat were miserable so it was probably water loss. Regardless, as Iím typing this, Iím debating whether or not to weigh in every morning or just go with a once-per-week mindset. Given Iíve included Crystal Light, in order to tolerate consuming the recommended amounts of agua, Iíll probably bow to the digital throne for a couple of days and then switch to ice-tea drinks sweetened with Stevia to see (I can tell that the mental back-and-forth of over it means I'd rather not have to) whether thereís any effect on my loses. After that, Iíll let my attitude towards the readings dictate how often I care to step on it. I know one thing for sure, if it mentally yanks on my short hairs throughout the day or leads to an obsession over it then the Devil only gets his due weekly. When the two weeks are over, Iíll compare where I started with where Iím at to see how metabolically resistant I am. Up until this point, starting Induction, I really havenít been thinking about X-number of pounds in 14 days. Rather I had an overall goal of 30-plus pounds in 6-to-7 months as the long-term brass ring. I would like to shoot for a 5-lbs monthly target but upon re-reading DANDR I found that thereís significance to how much you actually lose in the first few weeks. Iím pretty sure I am somewhat resistant, given my hormones and age, so thereís a greater likelihood Iím going to have to stick with Induction for quite some time. But the book also admonishes you not to lower your expectationsóthat there are workarounds, tweaks to the diet (upping exercise, fat fasts, supplementsówhich Iíve elected not to include now other than upping my multi-vitamin because I want to see what my body does on its own firstóetc.) to overcome such hurdles. I do wonder, and itís nice that I opted to journal things out rather than keep scraps of paper with notes all over the place, (did I just say that again?) as to whether or not itís doable to go from Induction to OWL and back to Induction again. The book appears to have a linear formatóInduction, OWL and Lifetime Maintenance. My only gripe with staying on Induction is that I have to forgo berriesÖI love them; they have such great antioxidant properties along with negligible effect on my blood sugar. Sure tomatoes pack a nice punch too, in terms of their health benefits, but Iím not as keen on those taste-wise all on their own. Give me a choice between tomatoes, ice cream and berries and the winner would be berries, bar none. Dark chocolate and berries are truly my only food obsessions, if you can call it that. I donít crave pizza, dairy products, alcohol, potato chips or anything else most people do but I can say Iíve had dreams about cocoa and strawberries/raspberries when I couldnít indulge in them once in a while (as in didnít feel like going to the store or they werenít in season). Sheesh, better off leaving that subject of those two items behind before thatís all I can think of 24/7.
Oy-vey...let's try and wrap this up. So weight was at 164.6. as of 1 Aug:
Breakfast: hard-boiled egg, two slices of bacon and two cups of decaf coffeeóeach with 2 Tbs. HWC and a packet of Stevia. Calories consumed: 338; carbs: 5 (including Stevia as 2 gms) √
Exercise: 30-minute moderated paced walk on the treadmill while watching the morning news. √
Snack: I opted for 2-ozs cheddar cheese and 2 glasses of Crystal Light-flavored water afterwards. (Iíll switch to decaf iced tea for the remainder of the day since the aspartame is an Atkinsí purist no-no.) Calories consumed: 170; carbs: 2 (factoring in Crystal Light) √
Mid-Afternoon Lunch: 5-oz steak with Ĺ cup (measured raw) sautťed mushrooms as Iím not really that hungry. Beverage: iced tea with 1 packet of Stevia. Calories: 499; carbs: 4 (with Stevia added ) √
Dinner will consist of 2 pan fried chicken legs (skin on, no batter) and a nice two-cup romaine salad, topped with a cup total of Ĺ cup sliced cucumbers and 2-Tbs. Newmanís Own Vinegar and Oil salad dressing. Beverage will be an 8-oz glass of iced tea and with 1 pkg. of Stevia. Calories: 408, carbs 9 (with Stevia added)
Evening exercise scheduled: 30-minutes on the treadmill, 2-hours before bedtime. Moderate paced. Iíll drink plain water (begrudgingly) afterwards.
Water Intake Goal: Four to five 8-oz. glasses of water. (Iíll build up to a total of 8 over the next few days.)
If I calculated correctly: I will have consumed 1415 calories and a total of 20-gms of carbs by dayís end.
I know I wanted to stick to between 1200-1400 calories (1437 being my BMR) but Iíll keep this menu for the next few days and see what happens. If I stay the same weight-wise, Iíll ditch the Crystal Light go for a few more days with the same calories and then adjust down if no movement occurs. Ugh, I hate the idea of having to answer to the call of the Devilís throne every day but I might not have a choice. Oh well, Iíll let it unfold first and play it by ear.
P.S. Another note to self: strive for brevity or I'll be here all day and never get anything accomplished. :rofl:
:sleepy: I woke up after sleeping nearly 10 hours. What? I'm still marveling at the fact I zonked out and ZZZ'd like a baby for as long as I did. Of course by the time my eyes opened my bladder was screaming at me (TMI). Which was probably what jostled me from slumber in the first place because I still feel like I could've slept even longer. After finishing my morning absolutions, I hopped onto the Devil's throne and it flashed back 163.0. Did I believe it? Nope. I've learned over the past weeks to doubt HIM. So I popped in new batteries and recalibrated the sucker again. HE's evil and is known to have a perverse sense of humor by giving me multiple (albeit close) readings within moments of one another. (The more I've been using this device I've come to suspect my scale was male...before I ever saw it referred to as the "Devil's Throne" on this forum. Why? Because only a man could be so indifferent in telling you your weight, as in "There, that's the number now deal with it" as HE continues to blink at you. Whereas if it were female, it would most likely flash something along the lines of, "Oh dear"..."I'm so sorry"..."It'll get better" followed by your increased number or Fantastic!"..."Congratulations!"..."You did it!" before showing you that you'd lost weight. However that would mean the scale retained your last initial weight, the previous day, which it doesn't. But I'm still sticking to my guns that it's a male and most likely a demon or Satan himself.) Anyway, I stepped back on and HE read 163.4. Huh? A nearly half-pound increase already? Which now led to me hopping on and off a few more times, even occasionally holding a heavy towel to see if it would register higher, until I was satisfied HE was consistent in recording the differences. So, 163.4 it is. (Although why I can't just simply accept whatever number HE spits out without constant retesting has given me pause. :stars:)
Moving on. Before I elected to log my weigh-in here, I did take time to peruse a post on this forum about Counting Calories and follow the discussion about whether or not it made sense to do so as a newbie. Some recommend not worrying about it for the first week and others suggested if your hormonal, diabetic or feel like you might be metabolically challenged it wouldn't hurt to pay attention to your caloric levels. Granted, I LCarb'ed way before I knew there was a name for it (think early 1970's when I was still a kid) and continued to do so throughout most of my adult life. But now that I'm age 49, and let's face facts far more sedentary than I was while on activity duty, I don't think it could hurt to pay attention to calories in order to get a handle on what my body does with the fuel I'm providing it. Although admittedly I also need to search out more information on the specific ratios of fat-to-protein I should be consuming (I've seen others talk about it but don't recall reading it in the book, though I know there's an emphasis on fat).
Back to the calorie thought and why I think it plays a role in what I consume. First, I've never counted calories--E-V-E-R. (I grew up in an era that was on the cusp of having personal computers and access to the Internet as well as bookshelves lined with row after row of diet books. Even with information in abundance nowadays, I believe most people don't, absent those in the health/nutrition fields or avid athletes, start searching out diet books until a problem arises. At least that's what applies to me and others I've known.) Since I didn't have a weight problem as an adult, I merely stuck with what worked for me: meats, colorful veggies and fruits. And I was aware, based upon my childhood, that I gained weight quickly whenever I'd consume bread, pasta, potatoes, some dairy (ice cream) and other sugary foods. Once I abstained from ingesting them, or more aptly my mother refused to allow me access to them, I went from a chubby adolescent to a slim teen rather quickly. That's not to imply I never had an occasional treat of cake or ice cream, french fries, a piece of pizza or something else high carb but it wasn't a daily or weekly indulgence even as I shifted into adulthood because I just didn't care too eat that way. (I guess it was just second nature to steer clear of them by then.) I had a routine way of eating that made me feel good and look good so I stuck with it. I also wasn't much of a scale watcher, per se. For the most part, I judged things by how my clothes felt. Paying attention to how snug my uniform was (particularly my dress blues as I always had them tailored in) while in college (I was in ROTC) and onward throughout active duty life seemed to suit me. Another thing that probably helped, as I look back on it, is that that I often found myself unintentionally intermittently fasting for a day here and there simply because I forgot to eat or I wasn't hungry. My job in the military usually included 12-hour days, many of which were comprised of rotating shifts, and thoughts of food weren't constantly revolving around in my brain. When I did resuming eating I can't remember feeling like I had to make up for "lost" calories or being starved. I had energy, my mental processes continued humming along (unless I was too sleep deprived) and my annual weigh-in and blood work showed I was in great shape and holding steady over the years between 118-122. I'm 5'7" and very small boned so that range worked for me.
However over the last few years I've reached a point where I don't know what satiation feels like anymore. Once I shifted from LCarb'ing to the food pyramid food groups I lost the sense of what was going on with my body hunger-wise--when to eat, when not to--because the signal seemed to be stuck in the ON position. I did watch my portions for the most part, though not 100-percent obviously. But when my hormones starting bouncing too, it made it even worse to decipher what my body was telling me--as in feeling like I was in a constant state of PMS. So I made the decision to start Induction with the premise that I would have to keep tabs on not only carbs but calories too in order to regain my equilibrium. Specifically, I referred to DANDR, page 143, which addressed the calorie count question by saying 'There's no need to count calories but that they do matter, as gaining weight occurs when you consume more than you expend." Additionally it admonishes readers that 'this WOE doesn't give you license to gorge.' If I can consume more calories of good wholesome food than my BMR-activity-to-weight-loss range indicates (1200-1437) because my body uses the food I supply more efficiently that will be sublime--particularly if my energy level soars too. But I still need a starting point based upon the above DANDR reference. And I do believe I'm somewhat metabolically resistant because I held on to that 166 number for quite a few days and didn't see the steady drops I noticed others reporting. Bottom line: if I start losing too fast, which I don't want to do--as I'd rather just see a slow steady decrease--or my activity level increases and I become lethargic afterwards or crash the next day, I'll up my calories accordingly to see if that helps.
Regardless, I was pleasantly devoid of cravings yesterday and had no real urge to eat every ounce of my dinner. I did consume it all because I was afraid of being ravenous the next day.
For the rest of today, I'll follow the same exercise and eating format as did on Day 1. I'll post the results tomorrow.
Day 1: weight 164.6
Day 2: weight 163.4 (- 1.2)
Day 3: weight 163.2 (-.2)
Slept like the dead again, though only for 8 hours. My sweet spot is 9 hours on the money. Anything more or less than that I don't feel as if I'm truly rested, for whatever odd reason, and it takes me a while to start firing on all cylinders when my feet hit the floor.
So today's weigh in wasn't stellar...but any downward movement is better than none. And to be true to myself, and my log, I didn't exactly follow my plan from the day before. I did stick with AI foods, no cheats whatsoever. I just failed to eat anywhere near what I should have nor did I consume enough liquids.
Here's what I had, food-wise: 1 boiled egg and a cup of coffee with HWC and Stevia for breakfast, two pieces of bacon and plain water (mid-morning snack) and 4 drummettes and water for lunch. I haven't added up the calories yet, but it's safe to say that's well below 1000. And I only drank about 32-ounces of fluids. I wasn't trying to starve myself. I just let life get in the way of taking care of me first. My water softener died. Okay, I murdered it...though it wasn't premeditated. I was attempting to clean it out and a few clamps on the Venturi assembly were so brittle they shattered when I tried to remove it. I checked out Sears' Parts Division and the no longer make a replacement for it. Figures. So off to Lowes I go in search of a new system. That little excursion took "f-o-r-e-v-e-r" (to coin my neighbor's daughter's favorite expression) as in the place was packed, probably with scores of weekend warriors getting ready to tackle home improvement projects. (People where I live seem to get off work early, around noon-ish, on Fridays.) After meandering through the store for I bit, I was finally able to talk to a sale's associate in the plumbing department so I could schedule installation of the one I wanted. Afterwards I went over to my parents' house and somehow got involved in tidying up. I vacuumed all the floors, dusted the family room and wiped down the kitchen. Oh, I also brushed our poodle which takes about an hour to line groom. (Note to self: schedule his coat to be cut down.) He's actually mine but, since my parents' dog died, my father (he's 76 and has suffered a stroke) seems to do better with his "little shadow" trailing on his heels. So more often than not, Alex (that's my poodle's name) tends to stay with his grandparents and I've been relegated to having "visitation" rights. (LOL) Anyway by the time I made it home, it was nearing 6-o'clock and I just didn't feel hungry enough to eat. I was also really tired--the heat/humidity is unbearable this time of year--and going in and out of air-conditioned places tends to zap your energy. So I ended up taking a bath, brushing my teeth and falling asleep while channel surfing in bed.
Today I'm off to mow my parents' yard, about an acre-plus sized lot. They'll begin having bi-weekly lawn service on the front half beginning two weeks from now (although it took forever for my father to relent to having help) but he still insists on doing the back fenced-in area because that's "Alex's domain." Huh? Alex stays indoors 95-percent of the time so how's anyone going to mess with his "domain"? Well according to my mother that's my father's way of saying he's not entirely willing to let go of the reigns completely. Okie-dokie. (And just in case anyone is reading my journal and asking why the heck I don't take care of it myself, given I have the time, the answer is that also causes friction. My dad doesn't like seeing his daughter outside doing what he should, in his own mind, still be capable of accomplishing himself. We end up arguing--more like he grumbles and I become frustrated in return--whenever he hears me cranking the riding mower up. It's a given it's going to happen...just like it will happen again today. The problem is it takes him a week to mow, edge, weed-whack and blow. His right hand is partially paralyzed and he's prone to stumbling so both those factors, along with the heat, play into the equation. By the end of the mowing marathon, so to speak, he's mentally and physically exhausted for a solid 5 days, only to be faced with doing it all over again because everything grows like gangbusters this time of year. Remember it's 102-degrees here, factoring in the 90-percent or higher humidity levels.) I've often thought of selling my house and moving back in with my parents, given how much I see they need help maintaining their large home, but I haven't been able to wrap my brain around the concept. I like my autonomy, there's that...and there's no way my father would willingly sell his own home on the opposite side of the spectrum. My mother is neutral on the subject--she's happy wherever she is. But I can envision a change in our living arrangements will have to be made sooner rather than later and it will most likely involve a "For Sale" sign in my yard as opposed to theirs.
Anyhoo, I'm going to bag up my day's worth of food and drinks (to cover lunch and dinner so I don't forget to eat), pack a change of clothes (so I can shower there once I'm finished) and get started knocking out their yard. I doubt I'll feel like walking on the treadmill once I get home but I won't rule it out yet.
Day 1 weight 164.6
Day 2 weight 163.4 (-1.2)
Day 3 weight 163.2 (-0.2)
Another early morning wake up, ugh, I really wanted to sleep in after working in the hot sun yesterday. No such luck, my body's needs refused to accommodate the pleas from my brain, "Fifteen more minutes...Five more minutes...No?...Oh hell, fine I'll get up." I was so sluggish I almost forgot to weigh in. The idea never struck me until I'd sat down with my morning coffee so back up and off to the DT (Devil's Throne) I went. Weight: 162.6. I didn't argue with HIM this time--no new batteries inserted, recalibration or stepping on and off with or without a heavy towel in hand just to test it out. It probably would've been a whole different ball game had HE spit out a higher number rather than a loss. After all I worked from 10 am to 6 pm outdoors toiling in the hot sun attired in long-sleeved pant and shirt ensemble, Gnat Hat (love that thing) underneath my broad-brimmed Sahara one and work boots/gloves. I was covered head to toe to protect myself from not only UV rays but from the bugs. Hate'em but they love me. And when they try to show me just how much, doing so with a frenzy, I swell up like a blow fish, run a slight fever and itch like crazy (Benadryl doesn't even make a dent). So I don't even bother with bug spray anymore. I've tried them all and nothing makes a difference, probably because I sweat buckets whenever I labor outdoors. Thin or thick, skinny or fat, I've never tolerated the heat well. I assumed, falsely, that over the years I'd become acclimated to it but it hasn't happened so far. (I grew up and lived most of my life in colder climates, save perhaps for a few years stationed in Louisiana and Korea and some short trips to the Philippines, Bolivia and Kuwait/Saudi.) Anyway I digress. Unlike the day before where I forgot to eat and didn't consume enough liquids, yesterday I managed to keep hydrated and consume all my food. So I'm logging my calories as 1415 with 20-grams from carbs. I didn't hit the treadmill last night though. By the time I showered, changed clothes, ate my steak and salad dinner and came home, I could only think of flossing/brushing my teeth and hitting the sheets.
This morning as I type this entry, I've already had my cup of coffee with HWC and Stevia and one boiled egg and two pieces of bacon. I also drank a glass of water (straight up), though I'm still not a fan. I'm satisfied with that amount of food for breakfast, at least I have been so far.
Today I'm going to stick with my eating menu of chicken legs for lunch, mid-day snack of cheese and steak with salad for dinner. I only miss my beloved fruit. (Sigh) My mom did have a nice bowl of fresh cherries and grapes laid out on her kitchen counter (which I did eye for about 10 seconds when I first saw them) but I never vectored off course despite how tempting they looked. I'm going to take time off and relax for a bit this morning. I might even head over to my folks to give my pup a good brushing (maybe even give him a bath) and then goof around with him for awhile. He loves floor time with me and I love watching him gather up all his toys, dump them down in front of me, and then stare at me as if to say, "Make my day." Then I'll most likely come home and do some light housework and then curl up with a good book to read tonight.
But before I sign off, I want to reiterate my progress so far:
25 Jul: Weight 170, began semi-LCarbing
31 Jul: Finally held steady at 166; learned to be suspicious of gluten response
by conducting a few experiments with it. (Findings: tired/achy/
moody shortly afterwards.)
1 Aug: AI official start, 164.6
2 Aug: AI Day 2: 163.4 (-1.2)
3 Aug: AI Day 3: 163.2 (-0.2) Didn't consume enough calories/fluids Day 2
4 Aug: AI Day 4: 162.6 (-0.6) Ate on plan, drank plenty of fluids on Day 3
Overall loss since 25 Jul equals -7.4 lbs., of those -2 lbs. are from AI. Ten more days on AI to see where I fall in terms of degree of metabolic resistance (MR). I'll be happy with any losses, as they happen (duh), but I am hoping to hit a -6 lbs. target in 14 days (which would be classified as "average" on the MR range for the amount of weight I want to lose) I'll log back in tomorrow with my weight since I'm still drinking some Crystal Light beverages. After that, I think I'll take a break from dancing on the throne each morning and let the next 9 days play out as they will by sticking to my eating plan and doing daily treadmill work for exercise.
:cry: Weight: 163.6. Well I was somewhat mentally braced for that increase as I was absolutely starved yesterday. It was a gnawing-like hunger that wasn't appeased for very long by anything I ate, which I found odd because I hadn't felt that sensation since starting this. I even woke up hungry yesterday, which was unusual as I'm not a big breakfast person. However I have tried, since beginning this LC transition, to consume a hard-boiled egg and a few pieces of bacon to keep my blood sugar more stable. Anyway, I attempted to push through the urge to graze by sticking to my AI menu but by late last night--when I couldn't stand it anymore--I ended up eating two hefty tablespoons of whipped cream and then a couple hours later two extra ounces of cheese. The dairy seemed to do the trick--probably because it's more easily converted to glucose. I couldn't figure out what was going on because my activity level was definitely more in the "kick-back, relax" mode. And then came the answer, I started spotting. Bellissima....Carino (said with sarcasm). I'm not sure if it's the onset of a true TOM or merely another hit-and-miss episode that's plagued me since the onset of perimenopause. (There's no rhyme or reason to my cycles, even with bio-identicals. I may have a normal one, spot for a day and go on without it or have two in 30-days and then skip a month. Whacky.) But at least now I know what was behind it all. And more importantly I didn't resort to chocolate...though I did look at a box of sugar-free cocoa in my mom's pantry...which probably should have heralded the CLUEBIRD was landing.
Today, I'm simply tired...mentally drained and physically feeling blah. I'm going to stick with steak and chicken (my typical fare) and maybe throw in some deviled eggs if the urge to forage starts rearing its ugly head again. And the endorphin-release from hitting the treadmill would probably help so that's also on my list. Other than that, I've got a dentist appointment in a few hours and couple of minor errands to run. Tonight I'll may or may not spend some time looking at what others are journaling, I've tried to avoid that since starting AI because I didn't want to be influenced by their results/tweaks. In other words, mentally start to become frustrated because I wasn't dropping like a rock compared to X-Y-Z person or persons or saying to myself, "Hey someone added something AI-friendly, but not specifically on the list, to their diet so maybe I can too." That's not to "tsk, tsk" or wag my finger at anyone for doing so...everyone's trying to find what does or doesn't gel for them in terms of weight loss. Rather it's my mindset for me, and me alone, that I don't want to stray further into uncharted waters yet since I can't afford to mess with the program so early into the game. Granted I have been using Crystal-Light, and last night's whipped cream indulgence wasn't sticking to AI's quota because I'd already consumed the allowed amount in my coffee, (which meant my carbs for the day were over by 4 and my calories were up as well coming in at 1730 with the added cream and cheese), but I was happy that I didn't go off the deep end with chocolate given what showed up (TOM or quasi-TOM).
So I'm going to go NORDO for the next week with respect to spelling out losses. I'm simply not going to step on the scale...not even a lookie-loo. I think doing so, heeding HIS call, would only yank on my short hairs. After all, I can't do anything about water retention or weight fluctuations except ride them out. If next week's weigh-in shows minimal movement, then it shows minimal movement and I'll have to factor in TOM's or quasi-TOM's appearance and start over in order to truly gauge metabolic resistance. (Though I did talk to a friend who has done Atkins by the book and she said the fact that I lost 4-lbs., from 25 Jul to 1 Aug, even with my little carb experiments every other day, pretty much shows I'm not "that" resistant to weight loss. Which was nice to hear because that concern had been bouncing around in my brain. But still, I think trying to stick with AI for longer than two weeks might be best for me.) With that, I'm already starting my grocery list of foods to cook this upcoming weekend, leaning more towards incorporating some fish/shellfish in place of red meat and keeping the chicken as my go-to protein sources.
No sense in editing my weight on my profile as I already have it logged correctly here, so with that I'll sign off.
P.S. I did refer back to DANDR, page 144, and it says that it may take longer for weight loss to occur if you start AI before or during menstruation. At least that little sentence made the +1 pound bump up easier to deal with. :cool:
You're off to a great start!
I understand your frustration with packaged foods. It's ridiculous what gets put into foods these days. Corn, soy, and wheat seem to be in just about everything!
I don't recalibrate my scale, but I do get off and on multiple times! lol!
Good luck on your journey!
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