Fixing Myself - Alicia's Journal
:hiya: So, I guess I will try this journaling thing. I hope I stick with it because I think it could be good for me.
My current stats: 305.2 lbs (highest weight - 317, starting weight 314.6) 5'4", 22 years old, female, size 24/26.
51' belly (belly button area)
PCOS, insulin resistance, high BP, high cholesterol, depression, anxiety, GI issues, back pain due to a horseback riding incident, hormonal acne, vitamin D deficiency, acid reflux. I am taking Prozac, Sam-E, a multivitamin, D3 supp. I keep trying to take metformin but I so can't hack the GI issues that come with it :o
I don't feel like a 22 year old. I feel like I should be in a nursing home or something. I've been overweight since I was 4. I have no idea what it feels like to be 'normal.' I can't even imagine it. I've known for a while that low carb was my answer. I would just start for a few days and then fall off and forget about it. I think successfully losing weight takes a lot of self esteem, which I haven't had for a long time. I'm slowly getting it back. I am so tired of being sick, fat, sad, in pain, and alone. I'm tired of feeling self conscious of my body every time I am in the same room as another person. I'm tired of the depression ruining my life. I have quit school (college) twice because my depression became so severe.
I think I am really ready to change my life. My boyfriend and I are currently "on a break" which I think I really need right now. I miss him and I love him very much but his baggage is such a stress in my life. I enrolled in respiratory therapy school and I start in August.
I have lost 9.4 lbs in the past 2 weeks. I got some urine ketone strips on yesterday and have consistently tested in the moderate range, even while fully hydrated. I have been doing 2000 cals a day with ratios of 75f/20p/5c and its been really working for me. I lost my cravings and overactive appetite. I no longer feel obsessed with food all the time. I'm really really grateful for that and I'm starting to feel better and in a more positive mood most days. I haven't had any acid reflux. I had a return of my period after nine (!!!) months of it being gone. My acne is improving, and so are my GI issues. I'm starting to feel a little more normal and I am really excited to take this journey and see where I end up. :D
So, I guess I will post my menu for today:
B: 2 eggs mashed with 1 tbsp mayo and a small pickle, 4 strips bacon
S: Half an almond muffin with half tbsp butter
L: 3 oz brisket, chocolate PB fat bomb :yummy:
S: 2 more fat bombs :o
D: Skillet pizza (Mozz, pepperoni, small amount of pizza sauce and seasoning)
Multivitamin and other meds/supps. A couple diet cokes with splenda, 32 oz iced tea, 32 oz water. (Caffeine doesn't seem to have any affect on me..)
Totals: 1918 Cal, 163.5 g fat, 20.5 carbs, 4.8 fiber, 97.7 g protein
Looking forward to meeting you all! :shake:
Alicia, you are beautiful!! I am so happy for you that low carb is working for you. Keep up the good work!! I am subscribing to your journal because I am definitely interested in following you and watching your progress!!
It's great to see your journal, Alicia! One of the things I had to learn was that, I had to stop being scared, in a way, to lose weight. Because losing weight meant that I "had" to be different. I had a lot of self esteem problems, too, and I felt I would be "expected" to have all my act together. I learned that overweight was one problem, self esteem problems were another. Separating the two made things a lot easier.
I learned to be patient with myself and to tune out those "expectations". People who expect me to be a certain way because I look a certain way don't know me and I don't owe it to them to be anything but me.
I hope I'm making sense here. :o
Well, tonight was a disaster. I had a lot of fun, but still a disaster. I went to a BBQ at my cousins and got talked into drinking. Beer of all things! Ugh. I knocked myself firmly out of ketosis. My food was great. I had a brat, no bun, a chicken drumstick, some swiss chard from their garden, and some deviled eggs. But the beer! Ohhh Lord. Well, back up on the horse tomorrow. In the past I usually quit after I had an off day, but not this time.
B: Mocha Shake
S: 2 Chocolate PB fat bombs
D: Chicken drumstick, brat no bun, 1/2 cup swiss chard, 4 deviled egg halves.....Beer...5 beers.... :o :down:
Totals 2551 Cal, 167.8 g fat, 91.5 g carbs, 9 g fiber, 85.2 g protein
Hello! I am looking forward to following your journey, too. You remind of my dear niece, Meredith, who also has had a lifelong struggle with PCOS. She's 26 this year. She gave up all sugar and lost a lot of weight, lost her chronic cystic acne problem, lost the "buffalo hump" on her back and resumed having normal periods again. So I just have a good feeling that eating low carb is really going to be a great thing for you and you're really going to feel great! (I know, I know--I'm such a mom...)
Don't worry about those beers. Your food looked great, and that's the hardest part. Just jump right back in tomorrow. It's not a race--it's a lifestyle change and the more you practice, the easier it will get!
I did much better today. But OMG the hangover when I woke up! More like AGONY! I wasn't even drunk! Does low carb make you more sensitive to alcohol? I guess so. I drank a ton of water and now I feel better. I did a 30 minute booty boot camp today...hoping to keep my big booty and thighs when I lose the weight. :aprayer: LOL! I may start walking..i already do yoga a couple days a week.
I'm going to a fireworks show by the river tomorrow with friends, then Saturday going to a concert at a bar...my friend's bf is the drummer. Officially broke up with my boyfriend today...kinda feeling like crap about it. :cry:
B: Half of a mocha protein shake. Couldn't finish it :dunno:
L: Quesadilla with low carb tortillas and guac
S: Chocolate PB fat bomb (my last one...I need to go get more coconut oil!)
D: Egg salad and 2 pieces of bacon
Totals: 1574 cal, 119.2 fat, 58 carb, 31.3 fiber, 73.5 protein, 26.7 net carb
ETA: My ketone strips are back to being purple!
Alright y'all, I had a crazy weekend but I'm back. Really fell off the wagon with alcohol. My life is upside down right now and I'm having trouble adjusting so I was just like, f*** it I'm gonna go party and forget everything. But now I'm feeling pretty rough and I miss feeling good when I wake up every day so I'm at it again. I've spent all day cooking and looking around on LCF.
B: Atkins coconut bar and bulletproof coffee
S: Bacon dipped in french onion dip (OMG good)
L: Creamy shrimp scampi
D: HB eggs, more bacon
S: Raspberries and cream
Totals: 1778 cal, 151.3 fat, 20.9 carb, 8.9 fiber, 83.3 protein
I feel like I don't lose as well when my cals are low...I lose better around 2000 cals...but i dont even know what else to eat!
A lot of people struggle with weekends. Heck you're only 22. But yeah, most of the battle is getting back on plan.
Yeah, I can feel it now! I'm feeling very bingey today, like I want to eat something all the time. I've stayed on plan though, I just don't feel as good as I did before the alcohol...I think my drinking days are going to be very few and very far between now.
I live with my parents and brother while I'm in school...none of which are low carb. This just spells disaster for me. I NEVER ate cereal before, now I want cereal. I want bananas and regular milk. I want pop-tarts and cookies. And all these things are available to me about 10 feet away in the kitchen. Blah!!! I know the cravings will go away if I keep at it, I'm just struggling today. Stupid alcohol...
B: Choc PB fat bomb, raspberries and cream
L: Creamy shrimp scampi leftovers, jello and cream
D: No bean chili on a hebrew national hot dog with cheddar cheese
S: Shake made of almond milk, cream, and cocoa powder.
Totals: 1969 cal, 164.8 fat, 28.7 carbs, 10.7 fiber, 99 protein
Does anyone else have trouble getting potassium in? I use cronometer for tracking my food and it is fantastic for tracking micronutrients. But I am consistently very low in potassium, and potassium supplements are only 99 mg...I don't wanna have to take a bunch more pills than I already do. Any suggestions?
I did notice that after eating the chili, i was STUFFED. I ate maybe 1/4 the amount I used to eat, minus the half sleeve of saltines and copious amounts of cheese. Crazy!
Well, today was pretty good. Its not over yet, but I think I will stick to my plan. I have a job interview on Friday! Its for a caretaker for the mentally disabled. I already have experience with this type of work, I just wanted to switch companies. I have my orientation at school on Monday which is exciting.
I had to take my poor kitty to the vet and leave her overnight. Suspected bladder infection :sad: poor baby, those things HURT!!!
I got some salt substitute to up my potassium intake. I feel like I am retaining some water so maybe that will help. I got my potassium up to 4080 mg today.
B: Fat bomb, 2 eggs, butter, bacon
S: Fat bomb
L: Grilled burger with cheese and lc ketchup, brat with low carb ketchup, slice onion and tomato.
S: Jello with cream
D: More eggs and bacon
Totals: 2021 cal, 172.1 fat, 14.7 carb, 2.4 fiber, 102.1 protein
I am down another lb today! Yay! Finally got all the water weight off from drinking plus one. I'm having a good day...not much appetite, my cals are way under...but that's ok. In a great mood today. I *feel* thinner and I love it!!! :)
Got my kitty back from the vet...xray found a 4 inch long pin in her leg...so apparently it has been broken pretty badly in the past. I always wonder about my kitties' lives before I got them. She is going to be okay, we think. Very awful bladder infection but she got meds and a shot for pain so I sure hope shes feeling better. Poor baby.
B: Shake made with protein powder, cream, almond milk, and cocoa
D: Meatloaf, mashed cauliflower, greens beans with bacon and mushrooms.
S: Fat bomb
Totals: 1591 cal, 134.8 fat, 36.4 carb, 13.2 fiber, 69.9 protein
Ahh...it is my mom's brithday. There's lasagna and coconut cream pie. I'm having a big salad with homemade ranch and a noodle-less piece of lasagna. Also going to have half a piece of pie. I've been almost zero carb all day to make up for this dinner!
B: Leftover meatloaf, piece of bacon, almond milk with cream mixed in
D: No-noodle lasagna, salad with ranch, small piece coconut cream pie.
S: Probably sf jello and a fat bomb
1924 cal, 147.3 fat, 57.7 carb, 8.7 fiber, 90.5 protein
So still under 50 net carbs...barely. I'm ok with it. I've been really low the past few days on carbs so I think I can afford a little splurge for a special occasion.
Hope everyone had a good 4th! I saw fireworks at a fireworks store that my aunt manages. It was fantastic. I used to work there right after high school. Now I go to other fireworks shows and I'm like, Y'all got nothing on Shelton's! Lol!
I'm splurging with fruit that's in season right now; Ranier cherries, peaches, red raspberries, blackberries. But only a half peach a day and everything only a half cup serving. Not exactly induction, but not bad.
We are having the official birthday dinner tomorrow but we are going out so I can order what I want...probably a bunless cheeseburger or steak and some kind of veggie. This place is a little mom n pop diner that has the most amazing cheeseburgers and homemade fries ever..and they used to serve pepsi in glass bottles before they stopped making them because there is a pepsi plant in town. Needless to say, no fries or pepsi for me tomorrow. Sucks but fries do not taste better than seeing the scale go down feels
I do love me some fruit though...ahh, I miss fruit. Lol I still have berries once or twice a week though. But I was a really big fruit eater.
Woo! I've been away for a while. Life caught up...got a job offer, got busy doing stuff for school. We also have a new pet...my dad and nephew found a day old turkey chick staggering around in the middle of the road so I am trying to play turkey momma. I used to have chickens so hopefully I can keep him alive. Lol. Have only been maintaining my weight, but then again TOM is here. M brother has a cold and I was coming down with it last night but I took a super dose of vitamin C and it was gone this morning. Which is pretty cool considering my colds usually last forever.
B: BPC, berries
S: flourless PB cookies
L:Salad with ham and ranch, LC cheesecake
S: I have no idea...not very hungry today, nothing really seems appetizing
Totals so far: 1535 cal, 146.8 fat, 35 carbs, 9.3 fiber, 27.9 protein (yikes!)
Well...I'm back. I regained all the weight I lost plus some. As of now I have lost 17.2 lbs since the beginning of February so I am back to where I was when I fell off the wagon.
My dad was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. Through dieting together we have gotten his fasting down to 115 which is wonderful, but still a work in progress. He has lost some weight too. 8 lbs I think.
Its a lot easier to do this when nobody in my house can have carby stuff, lol.
I am in my second semester of respiratory therapy school. I am getting straight A's and I love the program. My depression is mysteriously in remission, so I am finding it easier to eat well. It is still hard considering I work and go to school, but I know it is doable and I just need to stop making excuses and start caring more about myself.
So far I am doing well and I can't say I won't fall off again, but I'm going to do the best that I possibly can because I need to start living.
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