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Old 05-16-2014, 05:49 AM   #1351
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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How goes it girl???
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Old 05-16-2014, 06:24 AM   #1352
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Happy Friday to you, friend! How is everything?
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Old 05-16-2014, 11:18 AM   #1353
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Seabreezes~thank you for the hug! I needed it.


Monica~ I'm trying to love myself, be kind and treat myself as I would a cherished friend....why is it so difficult? Thank you for the love, the feeling is totally mutual. I love my LC friends, you all get me through the bad times and talk me down, lift me up, my gosh...better than family!

Carol~ lunch was great in the company of my bestie...good food and good talk! The fires are still raging, but the wind has died down, the Santanas are gone for now so maybe they can get a handle on it. Lot's of homes lost, thankfully no lives lost.

Jayce~ It's going! I feel like I'm juggling chainsaw's sometimes...still no smoking and this is huge. I'm thankful for that!

Today is full on day three with absolutely no cigs. Everyday gets a little easier and longer times between the cravings. Thank goodness for patches! I have much determination for ending the insanity of lighting up.

I am trying hard to honor my food wishes and listen to my body. One of the interesting things is that I'm craving weird stuff. Like this morning I had a fruit smoothie w/ almond milk! For lunch I had yellow potatoes with mustard and green beans! That was my second choice...my first choice was baked beans but I didn't have any! HOW WEIRD IS THAT??? There are things in my fridge that are daily 'staples' like yogurt and romaine and tuna....but meh.
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Old 05-16-2014, 11:22 AM   #1354
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blonde with a Rose View Post
Monica~ I'm trying to love myself, be kind and treat myself as I would a cherished friend....why is it so difficult? Thank you for the love, the feeling is totally mutual. I love my LC friends, you all get me through the bad times and talk me down, lift me up, my gosh...better than family!
WHY is it so difficult? I would never ever treat my children or friends the way I treat myself. I have really tried to improve on that. I want my daughter to FULLY LOVE Herself. So far, she is doing great. Now, my DS15, has massive self esteem issues AND severe depression (we are working on both with a therapist). Life is TOUGH enough without all the HATE we put on ourselves!
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Old 05-16-2014, 11:24 AM   #1355
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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WAY TO GO ON THE CIGS!!!!!!!! Keep it up girl!
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Old 05-19-2014, 06:15 AM   #1356
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Thinking of you girl!
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:20 AM   #1357
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Hey Blondie! What's new this lovely Monday? Did you have a good weekend?
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Old 05-19-2014, 05:01 PM   #1358
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Hey Blonde, giving up the ciggies is a ******!!!!!!!!! OMG well as you know I quit for almost a year and got fat and now smoke my cigars and I am still fat!!!! Good grief! I feel for ya!!!~ Just focus on kicking the habit it is hard to do everything!!! Try to walk and listen to mediation that really helps, we have been listening to Glenn Harold at night free apps for the kindle and so forth, it is hypnosis that lures you to sleep, and it is helping tony with his sleep issues!!!!
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Old 05-20-2014, 07:19 AM   #1359
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WTG on giving up those cigs Blonde! That is an incredible addiction to overcome. Hope you're having a great week!
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Old 05-21-2014, 07:25 AM   #1360
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Hey lovely ladies!! Thank you for checking on me. I am 1 week + 1 day off cigs and I feel like I have that conquered. I wasn't smoking for well over a year before and I only smoked this time for a couple of months. The first few days were really hard, but now CIGS are not the first thing on my mind when I wake up.

I had a minor procedure yesterday on my head. I had a (what word to use, they all sound so gross) mole..growth...thingy removed. Possibly basal cell cancer...the Doc said I would know in a week or so. I have a dime sized crater to the right of my part (the plentiful hair side). If it turns out to not be benign then I need a more extensive removal of the area by a plastic surgeon who will hopefully cover any bald spot. Not funny I know.

Been tying my IE to healthful eating by NOT eating until I'm hungry enough to eat something healthful. So far so good.
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Old 05-21-2014, 07:48 AM   #1361
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It's great to see you, Blonde. I'll beam all good outcomes for your head thing.
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Old 05-21-2014, 08:00 AM   #1362
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coming for the head results. I know that must be a bit scary.

Great job on the cigs! You don't need those nasty old things anyway. I caught sight of the price for a pack the other day in Walgreens - HOLY S**T! That keeps me off them permanently.
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Old 05-21-2014, 08:18 AM   #1363
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Prayers and good thoughts that there is nothing to this biopsy

Great job on those cigs, lady!
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Old 05-21-2014, 09:53 AM   #1364
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Way to go on no ciggies! That's a great accomplishment.

Sending positive vibes your way, love!

Oh, and I think it's good advice to wait to eat until you want something healthy -- I definitely get cravings for stuff and I'm not even necessarily hungry. Some emotional stuff going on!
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Old 05-21-2014, 10:27 AM   #1365
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Sending you a hug that everything will be OK!

Congrats on the week + no smoking!

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Old 05-21-2014, 11:36 AM   #1366
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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PRAYERS TO YOU GIRL! Please update us when you can
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Old 05-21-2014, 01:04 PM   #1367
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Thinking of you Blonde and praying your test results show all is well.
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Old 05-22-2014, 10:57 AM   #1368
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Hey you guys...man you make me get tears. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the well wishes, hugs and prayers. Yeah, it's kinda scary, trying not to worry and keep a good spin on it.

I'm doing IE like my life depends on it. I mean to say that I know I can eat good things if I'm hungry, and I prefer to do that. I've been reading some cook books on healthful treats that taste good and are of good ingredients. Still watching my sugar due to pre-diabetes so I'll be using Truvia baking blend when sugar is called for. I just feel like Stevia is a better choice for me. Not to say I wouldn't use Splenda in a pinch. I just really have to put better nutrients into my body. It will thank me, right?

I finally got the Medical examiner's report for my SIL, which means the death certificate has been finalized and I can get busy on the business at hand...taking care of notifications to those who would take no action without a death cert and settling the estate so I can get on with my own stuff. This has weighed heavily on me for a couple of months and I'll be so glad to get it all done.

Still smoke free and actually feeling okay with...no more nagging feeling that something is missing. Yay for that. Now a note to self: DON'T put yourself in that position ever again.

Thank you again for being such good friends. I appreciate you more than I can express.
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Old 05-22-2014, 11:01 AM   #1369
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Stay strong on the CIGS girl! Here's to wrapping up the SIL's stuff too. I am sure that is heavy on your mind!

Still praying here!
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Old 05-22-2014, 11:35 AM   #1370
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Just sending love and lotsa hugs

So happy that the stuff with SIL is going to move forward now..this is such great news!

WTG on no ciggies--major progress BE PROUD!!!!

Love you!!
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Old 05-22-2014, 12:04 PM   #1371
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Sounds like encouraging news all around. Hang in there...you're life will be your own again soon.
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Old 05-27-2014, 04:40 AM   #1372
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Thinking about you today, Blonde.
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Old 05-27-2014, 05:53 AM   #1373
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You have so much going on at once! Sounds like you're holding strong. Best wishes.
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Old 05-30-2014, 04:02 AM   #1374
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Blonde I am hoping your tests come back negative, that is scary I am a tanner and I know it is not good, I had 3 biopsies done but thankfully it was OK, I love the sun and living in CA you cant escape it!

Wishing you well!!!!
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Old 05-30-2014, 10:13 AM   #1375
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Just wanted to say "hi" and hope everything is going well for you, Blonde!
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Old 05-30-2014, 11:27 AM   #1376
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We are missing you. Hope everything is OK and you are having fun....

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Old 05-31-2014, 09:33 AM   #1377
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Hello my friends.

Yep, it's Basal Cell Carcinoma. I have been spinning mentally for a while. Next step is to go back and make sure there are no more basal cells remaining. This involves taking away from the area until the microscope sees no more cells in the tissue. It will be done by a surgeon who is 'cross-trained' in plastic surgery, to minimize the damage to the (my) scalp. I have no appointment yet, I should be hearing from them sometime this up coming week.

I'm not 'overly' worried, but I'm not 'okay' either. I can't make my thoughts about this whole thing go away, I feel a bit paralyzed mentally. I have done nothing this past week, and I mean nothing. I promised DH to be more productive and managed to do mindless laundry for several hours on Wednesday. I cleaned my kitchen, swept my floors and watched endless hours of Netflix. I didn't go to work, I gave all my shifts away. I holed up in my cave like a wanted criminal. I'm still reeling but I figure coming to my journal and speaking is a major improvement.

I think I believe this is all going to be okay, but I have superstition...about counting my chickens etc. I want it (the appointment/surgery) to be over and gone from my mind. Waiting sucks. I almost said waiting is the worst, but it's not the worst, is it?

Bare with me, while I wrap my head around this latest betrayal...my body is making me mad.

On a brighter note...I have not smoked at all and it's the one thing I wanted to do the most. I am not a masochist, it seems. One bad turn of events doesn't deserve another.

Thank you all for your support!
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Old 05-31-2014, 09:40 AM   #1378
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Oh Blonde, I'm so sorry! I know this is very scary, and don't worry about holing up like that. I think that is how I would deal with it too.

If the procedure you're describing is what I'm thinking it is, my mom had that same thing done. They keep shaving off tiny layers and testing them for cells until it's all gone. Mom's was on her forehead. It was outpatient and they would do a layer, send her back into the waiting room (with me) to wait for them to examine under the microscope, and then call her back for another layer until they got it all. she has a small scar, easily covered with makeup. There was a small dent for awhile, but it's filled in nicely now, several years later.

Please do keep believing it's going to be okay. Positive energy has a power we don't fully understand (not to sound all woo woo). I'll be sending a bunch of my own positive energy and . Keep us posted on how you're doing mentally, and when your appointment is.

Oh yes - GREAT JOB not smoking!
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Old 05-31-2014, 09:47 AM   #1379
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Yes Carol, the way you described it is what I was told it would be. Thanks for telling me about your Mom. You are absolutely right, positive energy is so important and I need to throw the negative OUT. I will gladly accept your good energy. I'll try to be more open because I do feel better hearing what you said. Thank you!
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Old 05-31-2014, 10:00 AM   #1380
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