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Old 05-06-2014, 06:24 PM   #1291
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Old 05-07-2014, 06:00 AM   #1292
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I am so glad you have found peace with it all! I hope to get where you are! I am following along and watching as everyone progresses!
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Old 05-07-2014, 06:46 AM   #1293
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Yesterday I was talking to my youngest DD (the skinny one). She follows WW and has done very well. The counting and accountability work well for her. She was small to start and has lost 8 or 9 pounds in the course of a couple of years. I was enthusiastically telling her about this new way of dealing with food. I'm not small and I have basically dieted myself into my current weight. After giving her a brief explanation she looked at me what seemed like a long time. She said "I hope you still feel this way after you stop smoking". What? What do you mean? She said "Well, you get weird when you smoke and you get weirder when you quit." Please tell me what you mean? "Well, she said...when you smoke you start to write a lot and you take off on the these new journeys that don't pan out for you".

This is true. I do get creative when I'm smoking. Maybe it's because I smoke outdoors and I have no electronic interference. Maybe it's because smoking helps me to be introspective. I'm not sure what the connection is...I so know I can't keep smoking.

I let the subject change naturally...but it's still on my mind this morning. While I don't believe this was blatant sabotage, I could feel her loss of faith in yet another hair-brained scheme. And...I do think there was some truth in what she said. She has seen me start over and struggle with my weight her whole life. I have embraced diet after diet, book after book, looking for the Holy Grail of diets that would finally set me free from myself and put me in skinny jeans and sexy t-shirts. To her, this is just another weak attempt to blame my diets for my faltering. Well she's right about that. I do blame my previous diets for not being successful. It's not that they wouldn't have worked for me, if I could have kept at it. But even when I was successful, the weight came back and I knew even then that it was me not changing that made the pounds come back. I know she's thinking that I have given up and that the consequences will be great. I can't expend energy trying to convince people that I'm on the right track, and I feel challenged now. Not in a good way. This is something I have to work through and I guess the proof will be in the pudding as they say.

Had a bump in the road last night (could be because I was doubting myself). I always overeat pizza. I stopped at three and I was too full. I had another slice an hour later and was rewarded by a swollen tender tummy. Live and learn. Other than that I've done well and even at 4 pieces I still stopped sooner than normal and this morning I had no desire for pizza for breakfast. That is a win.
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Old 05-07-2014, 06:59 AM   #1294
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When I started reading this story it made me feel sad. You are so beautiful and if you're thin, too, it will possibly make her feel somewhat competitive. This kind of thing is a problem with my daughter and it was an issue with my mother, too.

In "Diets Don't Work" there is an exercise where you try to figure out what's causing you to stay overweight, what do you gain from it. And for me, reaching my goals and being thin has always brought rejection from the people closest to me because of competition and jealousy. It always led me to sabotage my progress so as to avoid the rejection. It is very painful. But I finally came to the realization that what I was doing to myself with the sabotage was even more painful than the rejection.

Don't know if this is at all what you deal with, but please know that you deserve to be beautiful and thin!
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Old 05-07-2014, 07:23 AM   #1295
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Blonde, I know that conversation must have hurt. My gut tells me that she is just concerned and doesn't want to see you disappointed yet again. But if there is that little bit of competition, you only need to answer to yourself. She isn't worried that her being thin will make you feel bad, so you can't either. You are doing so well integrating HDE, and that one-night-stand with the pizza isn't a fail. We're all still learning how to do this. You just had a learning experience.
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Old 05-07-2014, 07:31 AM   #1296
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CC I'm not sure. She's always been supportive and encourages me to get out and get some exercise. She is a major fitness advocate. She hikes and when the weather's bad she does stairs at the gym...like the 174 floors in 45 minutes kind of FIT. I don't think jealousy is the problem. I think she's 'tired' of my this and this and this and that way of thinking about food. She encourages me to do WW...but as you may know, WW simply increases my angst about food. Too much thinking about it, all the time...planning and wanting something that's out of my point range. Yada yada...You know?

I had thoughts this morning of doing JUDDD and HDE together and of course I started in with the diet mentality and this didn't make me feel good either. I truly believe I can accomplish what needs to be done with HDE, it's a learning process and I've just started. I know I have so much to learn.

The easy part for me is knowing when I'm hungry (JUDDD taught me that). It's the 'what do do with myself' when I am hungry that is hard right now. I haven't learned yet, to let go and eat what I want. I'm still waffling (no pun intended) about whether it's a good idea to have pie for lunch. I've never thought of myself as an eat dessert first kind of girl....

Thank you so much for weighing in on this. I appreciate all the feedback I can get.
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Old 05-07-2014, 07:42 AM   #1297
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I had another interesting epiphany this morning (probably while smoking)

I never, ever gain weight on vacation. Sometimes I may lose a few pounds. Thinking about that this morning, I realized that I always give myself permission to eat what I want on vacation. No diet, no restrictions. Connecting this to HDE is why I think this way of eating appeals to me so much. Given cart blanche on vacation I don't have food angst. I don't fret about my Aunt's biscuits and chocolate gravy...or my other Aunt's pulled pork BBQ sandwiches. I eat the pot roast and mashed potatoes. Guilt free. I always have dessert. I always have bread, with butter. I don't think about it at all. I'm happy and contented on vacation. This is the kind of thing I want have in my every day life.
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Old 05-08-2014, 06:05 AM   #1298
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You are moving in the right direction girl. Such insight. I wish I had control, that is something I don't have. I have ordered the book, I plan to read it this summer. I need to get my weight back to where it was. Stress eating added 8 pounds I don't want (and another 10 after that).
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Old 05-08-2014, 06:28 AM   #1299
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Monica~I think the book will give you insight and even if you don't want to do it right now, there are many great things to explore and learn about yourself. Sometimes 'knowing' is half the battle.

Yesterday:

I had a Doctor appointment regarding a 'mole' on my head. she took one look and scheduled an appointment for me with a Dermatologist for biopsy and removal. SO~ May 20th I'll go have that done. She also told me my blood pressure was way up. It's no wonder. Smoking, angst~ing and fretting about the business still pending for my SIL. This sent me home feeling bad and worried about myself. Hunger sent me to the kitchen where I prepared and ate two small plates of nachos, and an ice cream sandwich made with graham crackers and frozen yogurt, plus two more graham crackers, followed by a food coma in my easy chair. When I woke up (10 minutes before DH got home) I was lethargic. I had a light beer. Then another. I struggled with feeling guilty and depressed over my binge. I made a decision to let it go and not eat until I was hungry. I wasn't hungry for hours after that and had 1/2 bagel with cream cheese and half with peanut butter....at 9:00pm.

Today: I'm thinking about all of this and wondering: How to unleash my eating from my emotions? The billion dollar question. The good news is that I disconnected from the binge and I'm over it. I don't feel the need to continue it today (The 'Eat because I ate' syndrome) nor am I particularly hungry this morning. My breakfast today will be when I'm hungry and what I want, which may not be until lunchtime. I live I learn I work through this. Those are my options.
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Old 05-08-2014, 10:19 AM   #1300
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Girl, those days are going to happen. Look at it this way, it was 2 SMALL plates of nachos and NOT an entire bag of chips with such. Also Graham crackers with frozen yogurt and not the entire box of graham crackers and the entire container of frozen yogurt. SEE, you did pretty darn good. Then you STOPPED! that is the key. You also didn't let a Wednesday screw up, carry over till you could RESTART on Monday! WELL DONE!!!!!
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Old 05-08-2014, 11:01 AM   #1301
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How to unleash my eating from my emotions?
Blonde,
Ditching Diets is great for this question, when you're ready for it. I think you said you were happy with Spinardi, but maybe you'll be hungry for more info at some point.
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Old 05-09-2014, 06:34 AM   #1302
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Happy Friday girl!
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Old 05-09-2014, 06:58 AM   #1303
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Monica thank you for putting perspective on my binge. You're right!

Kristin I may need to move onto Ditching Diets to continue the journey. It all makes so much sense, but I do know that I literally have to practice this stuff to get it to be second nature.

In view of my bad blood pressure report and the request to double up on one of my meds by my Doctor (whom I love, she never demands anything)...I look again (thoughtfully) to alternate day dieting. Not that I want to lose the momentum here. AND~ It's not weight loss I'm looking at as much as the great 'numbers' I had while doing it. Blood pressure and blood sugars were amazing. I'm confused...again.

So do you think (please give me your honest opinion)...Does following a plan such as Juddd for health purposes rather than weight loss seem counter-productive? Am I merely falling back on the tried and true diet? I don't think that's what I'm doing but it's hard to trust oneself in these matters.....
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Old 05-09-2014, 07:14 AM   #1304
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Good morning, sunshine. Wanted to stop in and send you some "e-hugs." I can totally relate to the binge you had, and I understand the process of questioning/searching that you are going through...I wish you the best & I think focusing on your health as opposed to strictly weight loss is the best way to go. I am working on shifting my thoughts to this route.
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Old 05-09-2014, 07:16 AM   #1305
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Blond, I'm so happy to see you're still making progress on this journey. The setbacks seem to be an essential part of the learning process.

I too have my best numbers all around when fasting, but if it's counter productive to intuitive eating, is there any other solution? More exercise?
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Old 05-09-2014, 07:30 AM   #1306
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Originally Posted by Blonde with a Rose View Post
Does following a plan such as Juddd for health purposes rather than weight loss seem counter-productive? Am I merely falling back on the tried and true diet? I don't think that's what I'm doing but it's hard to trust oneself in these matters.....
Based on what I've read, if there are genuine inner motivated reasons you're doing it, it could probably work. It's like someone who may choose to be vegetarian for ethical reasons or those who fast for religious reasons.

There are definite benefits to fasting. The documentary Eat, Fast and Live Longer | Documentary Heaven spells them out. What you'll need to decide is if these health reasons are your real motivators. If not, it's possible you may fall back into the dieting mindset with all its fallout.
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Old 05-09-2014, 08:05 AM   #1307
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Hi Jayce!! I do agree, it's a better way of shifting!!

DeeDee! It's a journey for sure! Fasting is a good way to better numbers, I've proven it myself. Bares thinking about my motivations. I do get lots of exercise, I'm a server and walking and carrying heavy trays is my weekly workout.

CC~ I don't want to mess up my progress here, but I do have genuine health concerns. I think (thinking can often get me in trouble) that if my motivation is health and not weight loss then it may be even easier to do a fast a couple of days a week, concentrating on better numbers rather than the scale...then follow my HDE on the other days.

I've found myself genuinely perplexed about this issue. I'm not willing to cut out the things that make me happier, like not angst-ing over food. If I were to try to follow a diet that will improve my numbers...it will put me right back where I started. Dieting, binge-ing, feeling bad, binge-ing some more. If I do the fast a couple times a week I will get the same improved numbers, a lot faster. Sometimes diet change takes two to three months to take affect, fasting is almost instant. I don't know. I'm percolating this and leaning toward fasting a bit...but I need to examine my motives more.
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Old 05-09-2014, 08:31 AM   #1308
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Well look at that.....I leave you for a few days and you go and have all these adventures...

I know you will figure out what best fits you. You have to do what you can live with and if you're going to be stressed over numbers and meds, etc. then I think it would make IE that much harder to do? I'm just spitballin here, but the beautiful thing is, there is no right way to any of this. Just what FEELS right to YOU. I say go for the few DD's and keep up with IE and see how you feel....if it turns out to be too much then let it go. You will figure it out, I know you will!
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Old 05-09-2014, 09:37 AM   #1309
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Blonde, I do believe we can combine JUDDD and IE. I'm still working on how exactly to make it work comfortably. But I agree with you, I don't want to lose all the fabulous health benefits I've built up with fasting. I've felt so great since starting to JUDDD, and I want to hang onto all of that! So I'm JUDDDing in a more casual way now, and trying to integrate IE more on UDs. Not totally ignoring it on DDs, but just telling myself it's okay to feel hungry and not eat as much on DDs.
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Old 05-09-2014, 10:06 AM   #1310
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Well look at that.....I leave you for a few days and you go and have all these adventures...

I know you will figure out what best fits you. You have to do what you can live with and if you're going to be stressed over numbers and meds, etc. then I think it would make IE that much harder to do? I'm just spitballin here, but the beautiful thing is, there is no right way to any of this. Just what FEELS right to YOU. I say go for the few DD's and keep up with IE and see how you feel....if it turns out to be too much then let it go. You will figure it out, I know you will!
Well put my friend! I love it when you spitball! This whole morning has been spent 'stressing' and that one paragraph made me feel better and at peace with my thought processes.

Quote:
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Blonde, I do believe we can combine JUDDD and IE. I'm still working on how exactly to make it work comfortably. But I agree with you, I don't want to lose all the fabulous health benefits I've built up with fasting. I've felt so great since starting to JUDDD, and I want to hang onto all of that! So I'm JUDDDing in a more casual way now, and trying to integrate IE more on UDs. Not totally ignoring it on DDs, but just telling myself it's okay to feel hungry and not eat as much on DDs.

Carol, YES! Exactly. I have felt and seen the benefits of JUDDD, in my body and my medical numbers AND in my asthma. I do think it can be done as you said, in a more casual way, without anxiety and giving myself permission to be hungry for my health's sake. I also think following HDE on up days will take away the 'binge factor" that can sometimes result on an up day.
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Old 05-09-2014, 10:32 AM   #1311
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I have felt and seen the benefits of JUDDD, in my body and my medical numbers AND in my asthma. I do think it can be done as you said, in a more casual way, without anxiety and giving myself permission to be hungry for my health's sake. I also think following HDE on up days will take away the 'binge factor" that can sometimes result on an up day.
I have thought about this alot. After I started JUDDD I was able to go off my antidepressant. On another thread Joanna used HDE on UDs and had tremendous success.
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Old 05-09-2014, 11:00 AM   #1312
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I have thought about this alot. After I started JUDDD I was able to go off my antidepressant. On another thread Joanna used HDE on UDs and had tremendous success.

CC~ Thank you again for your thoughts this subject. I really needed some perspective on this. It's hard sometimes to put these things in order (like getting all my ducks in a row). I want to do, not only what's healthy, but also what feels right to me.

Today I am doing HDE in view of my stress and in the name of being okay with myself for the moment. I have numerous 'life-stressors' going on that have nothing to do with food and the last thing I want to do is make them about food.
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Old 05-09-2014, 11:33 AM   #1313
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I have numerous 'life-stressors' going on that have nothing to do with food and the last thing I want to do is make them about food.
In my history I've been able to make EVERYTHING about food!
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Old 05-09-2014, 11:41 AM   #1314
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In my history I've been able to make EVERYTHING about food!
Absolutely! It's the beginning and the end of everything isn't it? Even with the thoughts of JUDDD rolling around my head I know enough (after just a few days of No-food angst) that I'll do it when I'm ready.

CC~ Your journal/thread is so healthy for us. So much of what we do is covered in fear of being 'found out"...you have opened a dialogue that we can all be a part of, add to, and find answers.
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Old 05-09-2014, 11:50 AM   #1315
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I love the way we all learn so much from each other!
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Old 05-11-2014, 05:16 AM   #1316
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Happy Mother's Day!!
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Old 05-12-2014, 05:55 AM   #1317
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Happy Mother's day to you girl! Hope you were able to enjoy your day with family!
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Old 05-12-2014, 06:32 AM   #1318
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Mother's Day was good! I overate but I'm telling you it was delicious!

A strange occurrence: I had very little alcohol yesterday! My DS brought me a new wine to try, I opened the bottle, poured and sipped a taste and put the bottle out for everyone to share. It was good but I wasn't needing it. I had one light beer with dinner (Panda Express Sweet Fire Chicken and chow mein for the ladies and pizza for the gents who hate Chinese food) and that was it. We sat on the patio long after dark and talked and laughed and told stories...

This morning I'm tired but not like I would have been had I had more to drink. DH and I cleaned house and did yard work in a whirlwind of activity before everyone arrived. My bedroom became the 'dumping ground' for all things without a 'place' to go if you know what I mean...today my job is to find a home for the odds and ends and clear my bedroom of random junk.

HOT today...high 90's and DRY. Red Flag warnings for San Diego County due to hot & dry high winds. It's MAY for Pete's sake!
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Old 05-12-2014, 06:56 AM   #1319
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Shooting for a down day today. 1) I have enough calories in me to fuel a semi 2) I need to feel 'light' . 3) I need to know if I can do this w/ HDE.

My plan is to eat some veggies when I get hungry. The rationale being...if I'm hungry the veggies will be yummy. If I don't want to eat the veggies then...I'm not hungry!
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Old 05-12-2014, 07:48 AM   #1320
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Shooting for a down day today. 1) I have enough calories in me to fuel a semi 2) I need to feel 'light' . 3) I need to know if I can do this w/ HDE.

My plan is to eat some veggies when I get hungry. The rationale being...if I'm hungry the veggies will be yummy. If I don't want to eat the veggies then...I'm not hungry!
This sounds great. Should work. Keep us posted through the day. You can do it!
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