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Old 04-20-2014, 11:43 AM   #1231
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Happy Easter to you and your family. Enjoy your day with your family.

Monday is definitely a DD!

If we knew why we sabotage ourselves we wouldn't do it! You had a lot going on....
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Old 04-21-2014, 05:45 AM   #1232
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Girl, we can rock this starting today! I will have an AWESOME DD WITH YOU !!!!
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Old 04-21-2014, 07:16 AM   #1233
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Monday DD today. I'm ready for it.

Hey Ladies!

Yep, today is the day! Having my chocolate 100 calorie low carb shake and taking one to work with me. I'll be putting on the first nicotine patch in a couple of hours. Yesterday I bought a zero nicotine hookah pen (Grape Blast) to use when I feel the urge to inhale something other than fresh air.

Had a nice Easter at my eldest daughter's house, I barely saw the GG's, they were holed up in their bedroom with a new video game. We had BBQ'd chicken and pasta salad, and....dessert. I won't bore you with the delicious details. I only work two days this week and I have to get on the stick around here. My house is in serious disarray. I mean serious.

Back to the grind....
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Old 04-21-2014, 08:03 AM   #1234
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Grape Blast, huh? Sounds kinda good! DS has done the hookah thing....what is it with these kids and how do they find this stuff--who knew there were several lounges out here? Not me!!

I'm so glad you had a great weekend with your family!!!! The day back to reality always sucks rocks Hoping that it goes easily for both of us!
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Old 04-21-2014, 10:59 AM   #1235
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Glad you had a nice time with family yesterday. Yep, back to the real world today! Good luck with your DD today. I'll be joining you on Wednesday!
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Old 04-21-2014, 01:43 PM   #1236
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Hookah pen! I love hookah, especially apple flavor. Does a hookah pen serve to help you quit smoking? What a fun way to do it!

Glad you had a nice Easter!
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Old 04-22-2014, 05:47 AM   #1237
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Good morning, Blonde! Sounds like you've had a lot going on lately...FYI, my sister used one of those "e-cigarettes" and it worked well for her.

Have a great Tuesday.
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Old 04-22-2014, 05:49 AM   #1238
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Hey girl. How did yesterday go?? VIDEO games, argh! My DS15 loves it all. Video games, computer games, YOU NAME IT!
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Old 04-22-2014, 02:39 PM   #1239
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Well He11. My anxiety ramped up so bad yesterday I bought cigarettes on the way to work. It's like all this crap is catching up with me or something. Today was just as bad. Is it wrong of me to want to go lie on a beach somewhere and drink Whipped Vodka with Orange Juice?? I'm a mess right now and the bad thing about anxiety is you can't tell it what to do. It does what it wants no matter what you try to tell it. I am at it's mercy, and it has none. My DD yesterday turned into and IF day...meaning I ate once, not low calorie or carb. Thank goodness I am off tomorrow, I don't think I can take another day at work like today and Monday. I could NOT get a deep breath and didn't start to semi relax until I got home. I am in a state of 'overwhelmed'. Not looking for sympathy, just getting this down in my journal.

I did have a nice Easter.

Thanks for hangin' with me my friends!

Carol~ looks like I'll be joining you on Wednesday.

DeeDee~ The non-nicotine hookah pen can help if you are using patches to stop smoking. Unfortunately...I have not. Stopped.

Jayce~ Thanks. Lots is becoming too much over time. I will get it under control. Yep I like E-cigs. They work well too.

H Monica~ as you can see my yesterday did not go as planned but I'm hangin' in. Yeah those stupid games! They go away somewhere in their heads and they are just GONE.


Hopint to have a better report tomorrow!!

Last edited by Blonde with a Rose; 04-22-2014 at 02:40 PM..
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Old 04-22-2014, 05:38 PM   #1240
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Here's a hug!

Wish we could sit on the beach together. I plan on doing that tomorrow!
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Old 04-23-2014, 06:15 AM   #1241
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OH so sorry girl! Those days SUCK! Be thankful the work week is done for you!
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Old 04-23-2014, 07:05 AM   #1242
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Greetings from Narnia.

Seabreezes I can't think of anything I'd like more right now than to sit on the beach with you.

Monica I do have so much to be thankful for, thank you for reminding me! I will get through this. This too shall pass.

Off work today and hopefully will be able to get my 'free' 1/2 hour consult from the fine folks at my husbands work. Sitting outdoors this morning, it's overcast and a tad chilly and feeling sorry that this 'business' is the first thing on my mind. I am a reluctant Executrix and an even more reluctant Beneficiary of the stuff my SIL left behind. Wishing I had simply walked away at the beginning and let it all go to the 'State' to figure out and deal with...is it too late for that? IDK. Probably yes.

Also on my mind this morning is a walk in the park. Literally. I need to get my shoes on and just...go. Take flight. Bon Voyage. Sayonara. The cleaning can wait. The laundry can wait. Does anyone know where my Ipod is?
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Old 04-23-2014, 07:36 AM   #1243
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Good luck today. Hoping all goes well so you can start to put all of this behind you. Thankfully there's no work today!

Go to the park. Don't give yourself a chance to think about it. Just do it. You'll be glad you did.
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Old 04-23-2014, 07:42 AM   #1244
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Oh, I hope you got to take that walk. It's just so restorative. I'm so sorry you've been feeling anxious and off-kilter.

I hope the legal meeting goes well for you. That's such a huge job and responsibility. I don't blame you for wanting to run for the hills.
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Old 04-23-2014, 10:01 AM   #1245
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I'm sorry to hear you're having issues quitting smoking. I can't imagine trying to tackle that and weight loss AND life stresses at the same time. I hope your legal meeting went well and the stress starts to lessen this week.
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Old 04-25-2014, 06:47 AM   #1246
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Happy Friday!!!

Well the weekend is looming (it's about time). Yep this has been a loooong week....

DD's SIL underwent surgery two weeks ago to remove a brain tumor. She was back in surgery yesterday to treat an infection in the same area. Makes my piddly problems seem, well....piddly.

DD's big dog Gus under went surgery yesterday to remove two very large fox tails from his upper sinuses. Poor guy. He's a 90 pound 1 year old shepard mix and was sneezing violently on and off for a couple of days. Their weekend will be spent removing every last fox tail from their nearly 1 acre property. It seems it's cheaper to hire yard help than go to the vet. $440.00.

I contacted the Medical Examiners office this week and finally heard yesterday that my SIL's medical report is still pending (toxicology I'm sure) and so no death certificate yet. The good news is I can stop worrying, at least until I get that in my hands.

Still smoking and agonizing over every cigarette. It would be really good if I can stop before I get sicker than a dog. That's my usual MO.

Been trying and mostly succeeding to Low Carb over the last few days. Seems petty to worry about my diet when all this turmoil is going on but I do need to think of my health (as I puff away). What a maroon!

As always I appreciate your support so much. Just know that I spare you much ranting, I seriously tamp down the urge to go on and on and on.....

The 50th Annual Rodeo Parade is in town tomorrow... and rain is on the way. They've been repaving and sprucing up the streets for the last couple of months. New blacktop, new white lines on the roads. Looks nice. In the old days, when my munchkins were small, they were either riding on the Western Days float or marching in the band. I have to wear sunglasses every time because parades always make me cry. All those flags and military color guards, children playing their hearts outs, Shriners, clowns, pony carts, Caballeros twirling and jumping their fancy flying ropes, Rodeo Queens and horses decked out in their finest silvers...funny cars, farm equipment, fire trucks, Hombres on horses with guns and mean faces scaring the kids in the crown, the "Widows"...a group of women who ride their horses and also carry rifles, in old fashioned dresses and boots, they "Don't need no men" to protect themselves. I go every year, expecting to see all of these things. Some years it's so hot in town that everyone seems to gather under any and all of the awnings along Main street. Some years (like tomorrow) it rains and even though it's wet, it's comfortable out and no one minds a little moisture in our inland desert town. The temperature difference between our town & the beach 20 minutes down the freeway can be 30 degrees in the summertime. So, I'm going...parade starts at 9:35, maybe I'll see you there?
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Old 04-25-2014, 08:09 AM   #1247
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Wowzers, I hope the SIL has a speedy recovery, that stinks

And that poor dog!!! I hope he's feeling better even though his mommy & daddy are broke now

I am crossing my fingers and know that when you're ready you will be able to kick the ciggy's to the curb Be kind to yourself, love.

What are you talking about?!!! Rant away! This is YOUR journal, you do what YOU want in it. If you wanna whine for 50,000 words, well, that's your prerogative! Anyone who doesn't like it, they can go away.

We're supposed to get lots of wind and rain tomorrow... I'm excited! Your parade sounds lovely. BAck in my high school days when there was "parade season" and I was in band/colorguard...spent lots of time in them! Have a great time, it sounds lovely!!!!
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Old 04-25-2014, 09:20 AM   #1248
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HEY Danielle!! I was in the color guard too! Fun times. We actually went to the Cotton Carnival in Memphis and walked a 5 mile parade route. It rained the whole way, people were dancing in the streets...one of my most amazing memories!

Thank you for the love.
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Old 04-25-2014, 11:03 AM   #1249
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I hope you have a great time at the parade! And that the weather is not too hot, and not too rainy. I don't ask for much, do I?

Keep trying on the ciggies. You will make it!
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Old 04-25-2014, 12:03 PM   #1250
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I like it when people dance in the streets!
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Old 04-28-2014, 06:23 AM   #1251
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Girl, how was your weekend? Did you do something fun? you deserve some FUN!
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Old 04-28-2014, 07:42 AM   #1252
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It's Monday. I'm ready for it. Sorta...

Good Morning ladies! My weekend was pretty good, the parade was perfect, almost cold but that's better than too hot in my book. I also got a lot accomplished here at home and that makes for a better Monday.

Still doing low carb but yesterday I'll call a reward day. I had pizza and beer. Yum.

Saw the news this morning of the tornadoes in Kansas, Oklahoma and Arkansas. Monica I hope all i well in your neck of the woods. I have relatives in AR and they are all okay. The weather here this week is seriusly crazy. 70 today, 80 tomorrow, 90 on Wednesday and 97 on Thursday!! We are having a rare Spring Santana! It is supposed to be back to 70 on Sunday. I will be turning on my A/C at some point this week I'm sure.

Work today. I want a vacation.
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Old 04-28-2014, 08:37 AM   #1253
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Glad the parade was good and it was more cool than hot. I'm with you on preferring that! I think the weather here this week is following what you're having, albeit a few degrees warmer. I'll take it.

Hope today is good at work, and the low carbing goes well!
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Old 04-28-2014, 09:19 AM   #1254
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Wonderful weather for a parade!!! I'm so glad you enjoyed the day!

I have been loving the weather here...give me breezy and 70 degrees any day.. am not looking forward to the 90's that we're headed for. Meh!

Pizza and beer...now that is something I have not had together in a really long time! Sounds like it was good, no?

Relieved to hear your family is safe, I thought about that last night when I heard where this crazy weather was headed.

Have a great day, doll!
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Old 04-29-2014, 05:59 AM   #1255
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There were no tornados in my town. We didn't even really have thunderstorms. It did thunder a bit with some lightening, but nothing major. Thanks for inquiring girl!

We had the A/C on this weekend, and today, I had to turn back on the heat. High in the 40's today! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 04-29-2014, 08:32 AM   #1256
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G'Mornin!

Between you and I, we could open a bookstore of nothing but diet books... I dunno if this would be a good thing, or....?

Have a great day today
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Old 04-30-2014, 06:43 AM   #1257
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have a great day girl! Thinking of you
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Old 04-30-2014, 07:09 AM   #1258
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Intuitive, hunger directive eating

I lifted this from "Taming the Hungry Beast" so I can read it at my leisure. Posted by OUIZOID who stole it from OIUSHEE. Go figure.


Hunger-Directed Eating



The question of whether you should eat or not isnít fuzzy or confusing or indecisive or scary. When youíre hungry, you know it for sure, so you choose to eat. When youíre not hungry, you know you arenít, so you choose not to eat (or you eat a small amount if there's something you just really want to taste).

Food tastes as amazing as possible when you do eat.

Itís very calming, soothing, & pleasurable when youíre hungry, mindfully eating and enjoying every bite. And when youíre hungry, it comes naturally to feel thankful for your food.

When youíre eating based on hunger, you tend to go for mostly satisfying, substantial foods because youíre eating what your body craves when itís hungry, which is satisfaction and substance.

When eating based on hunger and being a mindful eater, itís easy to enjoy dessert foods, candy, & snack foods in small amounts, because you know that too much of it will upset your body and leave you feeling sluggish and in a bad mood, and youíd rather save most of the room in your tummy for filling, substantial foods.

It usually doesnít take very much food to reach satisfaction, which means lots of yummy leftovers, & saving money on food!

When satisfaction is reached, you feel energized and rejuvenated, ready to tackle other things (like shopping, & hanging with pals ^_^). Food serves itís rightful place as the battery power you need to fuel your LIFE!

When eating till satisfaction and eating what you and your body truly crave, you feel physically great on the inside.

There is no guilt or regret after eating. Just happiness and satisfaction.

When youíre feeding your body just what it needs, it will then calmly release extra fat stores, and you can effortlessly get to your ideal weight.



Non-Hunger Eating



When youíre eating for reasons besides hunger, itís a mental battle. ďShould I eat? I might regret it later. I know Iím not hungry. But I just feel like eating...Ē Your mind is conflicted and you may start to feel stressed from this mental battle alone.

Food doesnít taste nearly as good when youíre not hungry. You may eat more to ďchase the tasteĒ, but you can never reach that deliciousness that youíd have if you were truly hungry.

Eating can start to feel robotic and understimulating when youíre not hungry. You can eat loads and hardly recognize the distinct tastes & textures. Itís hard to appreciate the food when you donít actually need it.

During non-hunger eating, you tend to go for empty, nutrient-lacking foods. When your body isnít asking for food, you donít have its appetite to direct you, so you just go for whatever tastes good.

When non-hunger eating, youíre not listening to your body, so snack foods & desserts are often eaten recklessly and without regard for how youíll feel later. This always backfires though, because soon the negative effects show up - youíre bloated, tired, your mood is lowered, youíre overly full, and sometimes even nauseous or in pain. Also, the room in your tummy that couldíve been used for real, nutritious food, is all taken up by cookies or chips, which lack the nutrients your body needs (protein, vitamins, minerals, fiber, water), leaving your body in a malnourished state.

When non-hunger eating, satisfaction is usually never reached, which means LOTS of food can be consumed during this time. So, lots of wasted money on food you didnít really need or want, and no leftovers to look forward to.

Non-hunger eating usually doesnít stop until youíre sick, very uncomfortable, or the food is all gone. So afterwards, you usually feel sluggish, tired, or in pain. You donít want to do anything but lay down or sit somewhere. You end up wasting hours or even days being inactive and doing nothing!

When non-hunger eating, you feel physically unwell. Headaches, digestive discomfort, stomach pain, a stretched out stomach, very low energy, and low mood usually follow.

When non-hunger eating is frequent and unintentional, there can be guilt and regret after eating. You question why you ate so much, & wish you hadnít. Sadness or frustration usually follows.

When youíre over-feeding your body, it can do nothing but store the excess food as fat. You either become fatter or remain at a weight higher than whatís optimal for your body. Maintaining a comfortable body size can feel frustrating or impossible.
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Old 04-30-2014, 07:13 AM   #1259
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Hello Dearest Darlings....

Dani~ I left you a long post on your journal!

Monica~ thank you for thinking of me. I'm doing okay. I have up and down days with this family business, I really don't want to deal at all but I'm not the kind to let things pile up. I'm hoping once I have all the right paperwork in my hands I can begin the journey to 'done'.

As you can see from the above post, I'm looking at alternative ways of eating because I can't seem to focus on a regimen or stick to anything right now. While the concept of Intuitive eating is scary scary scary...I have nothing to lose at this point, I'm kinda lost already.
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Old 04-30-2014, 07:47 AM   #1260
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Isn't that a great post? I've had to read it like 4x already and it still is showing me new things.

I am hopeful that by focusing my attention to actually learning what my hunger really is will be the key to finding and releasing the other things going on with me. I'm terrified every morning I wake up, that I'll overeat, eat the wrong things, and then have to remind myself, Oh yeah there are NO rules! So to actually be free to choose what sounds good and honoring my hunger signals, is allowing me to focus on other areas. So liberating!

I think you will find some peace with this, especially as you continue to work on the family stuff. Be kind to yourself, friend you will find your way!
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