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Old 04-06-2013, 02:05 AM   #1
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Arriella's Journal....The Good, The Bad and The Hopeful

Decided to start this journal today....My name is Tracy but Arriella is my wiccan name and the one i use online a lot. I am 42 years old (will be 43 on April 19th). Today is day four of starting back on the Atkins induction...I plan to saty here under 20 carbs a day for one year ..or untill my birthday next year. I have 5 kids and three grandkids, both my parents living right next door, and my husband of 11 years. I work as a shift leader for Dunkin Donuts.
I feel like I have always been fat, I never recall ever feeling fit or thin. In high school I was withdrawn and I didnt get made fun of but more so just "left alone" I recall getting ready for school one day and deciding to braid my hair instead of wearing it down..on the bus these two older girls kept looking at me and snickering, finally one of them said "Tracy , your hair really looks good today " I started to smile until she added "yeah, FOR A CHANGE" and then they laughed and laughed until we finally got to school. I was very sensitive and every little thing like that just made it worse. i have an older brother and sister but they were out doing their own thing all the time. I started playing in the woods a lot..the trees became my friends and i spend most of my time there.
I'm not sure when i realized that i had an eating disorder..but i know i do. I will eat a whole bag of doritoes and dip by myself while im waiting for supper to cook...eat a half dozen donuts throughout my work day..go from one fast food restaurant to another on my way home...I have a real problem. I am currently at 258.2 pounds..my feet, hips and back hurt everyday....I need to head out to work right now but I'm going to write in this journal every single morning..without holding anything back...today is day four and so far im doing good..i will weigh myself tomorrow morning and see how im doing. ...and also write about my home life and how little my support system for Atkins is...but im gonna do it this time...i have to...
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Old 04-06-2013, 03:01 AM   #2
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My cousin once told me how I was going to die from Atkin while she was taking diet pills. She ws bigger than me at the time. Jealouy ad fear is a nasty thing. No matter what your family says you stick with this because it is right for YOU. After awhile and the pounds are coming off, it just might start to rub off on them. THere are always people who will say, "one bite won't hurt", but they are usually skinny and don't understand or have some other motive.

You can do this. This board had tremendous people who are going to be your biggest cheerleaders. HUGS!!!
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Old 04-06-2013, 03:53 AM   #3
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Arriella,
There are others here that understand. Come back often where you can find support. You don't have to do it alone which is really great cause its not an easy path, especially initially. Get a copy of Gary Taubes' "Why We Get Fat". It will explain what is going on with your body and how to get where you want to be without being consumed by the hungries. I started back on LC because of medical report that I was heading toward diabetes. Haven't touched bread, chips or sweets now for over three months and rarely miss them. You don't have to stay a slave to hunger and food cravings or the criticism of insensitive ignorant people. But don't expect folks around you to be terribly understanding. Most of them haven't got a clue, and that might just include your doctor.
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Old 04-06-2013, 12:36 PM   #4
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thank you both for writing ..it means more to me than you know. I will try to find the book and read it..amazon might have it . My family has an array of different reasons that they are against Atkins..but I like it , its my life, and my body so Im gonna stick with it this time.... I have never tried any diet pills and its sad that your cousin was so quick to judge your choice when she may have been making bad choices herself..thank you for the hugg..i really need those sometimes . Chuck, it must have been a scary moment for you when your doctor told you that you were headed for diabetes....I'm sure its in my future too if i dont change the way i was eating. I'll write another journal page in the morning and explain a little more about my lack of a support system..i am more comfortable writing about it early in the morning when the rest of the house is sleeping and im alone with my thoughts...i hope you are both having a great day so far !!
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Old 04-06-2013, 12:41 PM   #5
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Your post could have been written by me...ALL of it.
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Old 04-06-2013, 01:04 PM   #6
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If you can't get the book yet there is this speech Gary Taubes posted on you tube.

Why We Get Fat - YouTube
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Old 04-06-2013, 01:24 PM   #7
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Hi Arriella, We are so so similar in many ways! I'm 45, a mother of 6, grandmother of 2, and I let my weight get even more out of control than you did by reaching 300 pounds! I've also been overweight my whole life. There have been times where I lost the weight for a short period of time, but never in a healthy way, and it always came back.

We're all here for you. The support on this board is AMAZING! It helps me so much to come here and read the boards if I'm feeling like I want to slip up, or eat something that I know I shouldn't. Your family may not be supportive right now, but we are. And as your family begins to see the changes in you, they'll be on board in no time.

I'm looking forward to reading more from you!
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Old 04-07-2013, 02:02 AM   #8
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thank you for the link..i went to you tube this morning and watched the whole thing I am happy to see that I have find a support group where others are very similar to me.. also sad though that there are people who have been hurting like i have for so long. well we can do it together..help each other...learn from each other..and support each other every step of the way
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Old 04-07-2013, 02:26 AM   #9
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While of course religion isn't a topic here there are a few other wiccans on here that are fairly out with their beliefs as far as I remember.I was raised one but I'm a 'sabbat pagan' now
I think one was posting on the welcome to newbies thread recently...
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Old 04-07-2013, 02:36 AM   #10
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Today in my journal I want to talk about how little my support for atkins is in my family. About ten years ago I tried it and lost some weight. At first my husband didnt seem to mind..until the pounds actually started coming off and he decided that maybe this wasnt going to be a good thing...doesnt make much sense does it? I dont understand it and the more i tried to reason with him about it..the more against it he became..finally it was just a daily fight that was irritating and depressing for me at the same time. He says its because he doesnt think its healthy. I am not a smoker but at the time he was..smoking about a pack a day , so i tried to use this in my arguements saying that he cant really tell me eating low carb was unhealthy while he smoked a pack a day. This just mad him angry which made the fights worse and so on. My parents where supportive at first ..or seemed to be. My mom even tried it for a week . I tried to make her understand that during the first week, you DO feel sluggish and might get a headache, feel tired, and that it was hard...but after the first week your energy came back triple or more and that you really feel good...I know the first week , or at least the first few days your body is getting rid of the sugar cravings and trying to get that junk out of your system. Anyway..she didnt stick with it long enough to understand and after a couple days on it, she decided it wasnt a good thing and stopped. Now I am very close to my parents and I love them both a ton , but even though she said she was going to support me if it was what i wanted to do, her actions spoke differently because she started buying me little treats...cheese cake (which i love) and other things and she knows it made me feel bad because i didnt want to hurt her feelings..or they would invite us over for supper and have pasta and garlic bread or something else that was high carb...I dont really have any friends so that wasnt an issue but my kids..who most are also overweight (all but one)...started acting kinda sad when i talked about it with them..i didnt understand it at first but then realized that when i talked to them all excited about losing weight..it made them feel bad about themselves because they WERNT...so its just one thing after another.
So I have made a choice that I know people are not going to agree with on here and that is to keep my Atkins to myself for as long as possible..I will not get any great support from them anyway and will save myself a lot of grief..I will come here and talk to people instead. Where there are so many others who understand and will be cheering me on. I know there is going to come a time that I will have to tell them but for now..i dont see the point.
Also, I stepped on the scales this morning and am down to 250.8..almost 8 lbs gone in less than a week..however i do know that this is mostly "water weight" and even though getting rid of the excess fluid in my body and not feeling so bloated is a great thing, its still not "fat loss" ....but that will come next...and im not stopping this time !! tomorrow i will talk about my caffeine addiction ...that is a tough one for me ..have a great day everyone
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Old 04-07-2013, 02:45 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kiwistars View Post
While of course religion isn't a topic here there are a few other wiccans on here that are fairly out with their beliefs as far as I remember.I was raised one but I'm a 'sabbat pagan' now
I think one was posting on the welcome to newbies thread recently...
I will check it out and see if i can find it...a lot of people out there are misguided about Wiccans... they hear wiccan and instantly think evil. I dont think its like that as much as it used to be though which is great. I am in love with nature , and all that it brings. Its who I am and its not something that i can change about myself. I am glad to know that there are other pagans here , my husband doesnt support me on that either but other people in my family do. thank you so much for writing about it, i will try to find the post
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Old 04-07-2013, 09:07 AM   #12
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Good Morning Arriella! You know, ultimately, this is up to you. It sucks if your family isn't supportive, but you don't want to use that as an excuse to stop trying, and it's so easy to do that. Just don't discuss it with them. If your mom buys you little treats that you can't eat, then you can give them to the kids, or toss them out. Anything is better than eating them.
I don't know how old your kids are, but if they notice you losing the weight, it may motivate encourage them to do it too. Just lead by example. You don't have to discuss it with them until they come to you and bring it up.
Just keep doing what you're doing! You're doing great! It doesn't matter if it's water weight or not, it's still a great loss. KUTGW!!
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Old 04-08-2013, 12:17 AM   #13
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Good morning ...I woke up late this morning and have just enough time to make it to work so i cant write much right now..i will write tonight sometime..i hope everyone has an amazing day...down to 248.6 this morning
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Old 04-08-2013, 04:32 PM   #14
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I know that I have a caffeine addiction but for now my coffee is just something that im not willing to give up...a lot of my carbs are being used for the cream in my coffee but its a sacrifice that i deal with . i try to stay around 20 carbs or less a day..about 8 of them are used up for that. I wish i could learn to like drinking it black,, ive tried and dont enjoy it that way.

I had a really stressful day yesterday with a couple of my adult kids fighting and taking turns calling me up to rant and rave about it. It gave me a headache and made me feel overwhelmed .....today was a little better. I hope everyone else is having a good day
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Old 04-09-2013, 10:50 AM   #15
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Good Morning Arriella! I hope you're doing good today! I'm glad you're staying on track, even on the rough days. I know, for me, the first thing I want to do when I get stressed, or am in a stressful situation, is to eat. And not low carb stuff! Good for you for staying on track on a rough day!

Personally, I wouldn't worry about the caffeine issue right now. I drink LOTS of diet Pepsi every day, and it doesn't affect my weight loss one way or the other. Just make sure you're getting plenty of water through out the day too, and you'll be fine.

How are you doing today?
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Old 04-09-2013, 11:42 PM   #16
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Good morning !! I know that a lot of people overeat when they get stressed ..comfort foods ..and other high carb foods, but for me i dont want to eat when i get stressed..its more when im really happy...at family events..while im camping and times like that..next weekend on the 19th is my birthday..on the 20th my parents are takinmg my husband and I to Old Orchard Beach on the coast to spend the night at a hotel and out for supper..this will be my first real challenge . I am keeping this a secret for now so it will make it even harder. But i am determined and I will be able to get online there so I will come here to vent if Im feeling weak...I know I can do this.
How has it been going for you? I hope you have a good day today. I need to be to work at 3:30 am but im out at 11:00 .thank you for making me feel better about the caffeine...after i get my weight under control ..maybe i can focus on trying to cut back on the coffee.
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Old 04-10-2013, 07:50 AM   #17
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Tracy - your story reminds me a lot of myself. I too know I have an eating disorder, the Binge eating disorder. Focus on one day at a time, one thing at a time. YOU CAN DO THIS GIRL! We will all be here to support you!
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Old 04-11-2013, 01:36 PM   #18
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Hi Arriella, How are you doing today? Still toughing it out?
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Old 04-12-2013, 01:47 AM   #19
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Today is day 10 for me and Im doing good so far...down to 247.4 this morning so ive lost over 10 lbs so far. Ive been making sure to drink lots of water , it makes me feel better but also has me running to the bathroom a lot which is hard to do at work when its busy.
I decided to tell my mom and dad that I was doing Atkins again..they had invited us over for dinner the other night ..when i asked her what we were having, she told me chicken, pounded down , dipped in milk then rolled in flour and fried..fried potatoes and a peas / corn mixture....(a low carbers nightmare)...so I had to tell them...I asked her to cook my chicken without the milk and flour and asked her if i could bring some broccoli to contribute to the meal. When I told her that I was back on Atkins, they really didnt say too much about it , so it went well..i had chicken and broccoli and a great visit talking about our upcoming night at the coast......hope everyone has an amazing day...it really helps to hear from people and i want to thank each and everyone of you for helping me alone..baby steps but its working
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Old 04-14-2013, 04:35 AM   #20
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Good morning.....feeling great so far, down to 246.6 this morning. When I look at my goal..its SO far away that it seems impossible..Im going to make a series of five smaller goals and work on one at a time..I think it will keep me motivated better ...okay here is what i came up with ... 1st goal is to be at 232.16 by june 18th...second goal is to be at 206.12 by sept 3rd......third goal is to be at 180.80 by november 19th....fourth goal is to be at 154.04 by february 4th and finally goal is to be at 128 by april 19th........hopefully it will seem a little more hopeful....will change my goal in my stats to 232.2 for now...hope you are all doing good and having a good day
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Old 04-15-2013, 04:54 PM   #21
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Hi Arriella! How are you doing today? You're doing AWESOME so far! Try not to look at the big picture, just break it down into smaller goals. I went to see Jillian Michaels in Phoenix yesterday, and that's exactly what she talked about doing. Starting with a one year goal, and then breaking that down into monthly goals that you'll need to accomplish to achieve that one year goal, then breaking that down into weekly goals that you'll need to meet to make that monthly goal, and then breaking that down into daily goals. Your goals wouldn't necessarily have to be about a certain number on the scale, but about staying on plan, and how you're going to stay on plan. You CAN do this!!! I have even farther to go than you do, so we're definitely on this journey together!
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Old 04-16-2013, 07:24 AM   #22
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Keep up the great work!
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Old 04-17-2013, 11:58 PM   #23
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Good morning...i just wanted to thank everyone for writing..i get up early in the morning and when i read your posts it really makes a difference in my day I'm down to 254.4 this morning and i feel great. I was thinking about some of the reasons from my past that has made me start eating off plan..i think one of the bigger reasons has been because i set goals for myself like right now im trying to get to 232 by june 18th ...i set the weekly goals and it seems great but in the beginning i lose weight fast..like the first couple weeks and it puts me way ahead of my goals so i think there is some room to relax a little and then i get eating off plan and soon im just not doing it anymore..right now its where i am..i needed to be at 253.3 this week and im already at 245.4..see what i mean..i hope im explaining it in a way that people can understand...im almost 10 pounds ahead of my goal for this week....but you are all helping me stay focused and im not stopping this time ,,,i FEEL better when im eating low carb..both in my mind and the way my body feels...so anyway i really hope you are all doing great too..how is everyone doing? and you are right MtherGoos...we are on this journey together...and Monica..i will come follow your journey..thank you for sharing it with me..huggs to you all
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Old 04-18-2013, 03:34 PM   #24
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Hi Arriella! You're doing really great! I know exactly what you're trying to say, but you've got to remember too that your weight loss is going to slow down, and you may even have weeks where you don't lose at all on the scale as your body adjusts, so try and look at this as "insurance" for those slow weeks. Don't look at it as a reason to get off track. And, if you don't have slow weeks, then you'll just make your goal even sooner, which would be awesome!

In fact, I'm having one of those weeks this week myself! LOL. The scale is being stubborn, which is frustrating, but I know that if I stick to the plan, and trust the process, it WILL start moving again. Hopefully soon!
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Old 04-19-2013, 02:35 PM   #25
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thank you...sorry that the scale is being stubborn for you...i know it must be frustrating...do you mind if i ask you how often you weigh? I've been weighing myself every morning which might not be a good thing when the weight lose slows down. I have found myself in a little bit of a dilema...today is my bday and its been a really great day , I asked my mom to please not bake anything for me so instead she went out and bought me a nice big piece of salmon which is great..(i love salmon ) ..but she also bought me some Atkin bars that are coconut with chocolate coating..she told me she had to go in three different stores to find them...i know if i eat one, it will make me want another and another and in the past when i have tried them they have made me have horrible cravings..and ...um and...well i LOVE them...plus its my birthday...but i know i shouldnt..but i want to...but if i do it will mess up my whole weekend...but..the pkg says 19 carbs...9 gr fiber but on the front of the box it says i only have to count each bar as 3 carbs...somebody please HELP...talk me outta this...please
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Old 04-19-2013, 02:51 PM   #26
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Arriella, Happy Birthday!!! Be good to yourself today and DON'T eat the bars. Thank your mom profusely, let her know how much you appreciate it, and tell her you're taking them home for later. Tell her you're saving room for the salmon, but don't step off the cliff and eat one. You can take them home and throw them away or give them to the kids, but don't indulge yourself. You already know what will happen. They can trigger a binge and that can sometimes take weeks to recover from. Be good to yourself! Enjoy every bite of the salmon, but don't eat the bar.
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Old 04-19-2013, 03:45 PM   #27
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thank you...i really needed to hear that..i am going to throw them away as soon as i am done writing this...i need to go for now..i will write more in the morning...and thank you so much !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 04-19-2013, 04:08 PM   #28
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You're welcome! I hope you have a really great birthday!!

To answer your question, I weigh every morning. Sometimes I promise myself I won't, but then I do. I'm hopeless! LOL But, I am getting a little better at not letting the slow downs or the stalls on the scale upset me. If I stay at one weight for a few days, or even go up a pound, I know I'll have a decent drop within a couple of days. Today, I was 2 pounds down from yesterday, so I was thankful for that!

Have a really great birthday evening!!
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Old 04-20-2013, 01:31 AM   #29
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thats so great that you were down two pounds ...i too will probally always want to weigh every morning ... i just need to remember that there will be times like you said that i might stay at the same weight or even go up just slightly...yesterday i was 245.5 and today i am 246.2....but i ate a big piece of steak last night for my supper...(just the steak with no sides) and i know when my body processes that it will go back down..lol.... i feel so good today knowing that i threw the bars out..she had bought me a box of five and boy was i tempted...thank you so much for helping me..i decided to just throw them away instead of saving them for the kids because i needed them to be gone from the house ..i do feel a little guilty though because my mom went to three different stores to find them plus they are expensive....but she will not know the difference. i have had bad experiences with them in the past. .. so today we are going to the coast for a night at a hotel..also going out to eat at a pizza place/sandwhich place that my mom wants to take me too..i know not to eat the crust...gonna order one loaded with meat and veggies and hope my husband doesnt catch on that im not eating the crust...the next two days will be a challenge..but im determined and feel strong...thanks to you really hope you have a great weekend.. i will write sunday night when i get back home and let you know how it went..
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Old 04-21-2013, 01:19 PM   #30
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I'm REALLY proud of you for throwing the bars out! Good for you! Sometimes I worry about the waste of money when I do something like that, but then I think that it's really just as wasteful for me to eat something that's going to make me heavier and more unhealthy. I'd rather just toss it out. I wouldn't be able to resist the temptation if they were in the house either!

So how did your birthday go? How did you do with all the eating out? Hope you had a great weekend!
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