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LovesDivine 02-03-2013 06:26 PM

OMG please give me the strength
OK. Confession time. Several years ago when all of my personal issues really started weighing on me I found myself turning to wine to help me just get some sleep. Sleep was so important because I didn't have to deal with life when I was asleep. Well, wine became a real issue. And you can't exactly be successful on low carb long term if you are carbing it up every night with wine. So, I'd lose for a week or so and then my body would readjust and it would just stop. And sleep/wine was more important.

I am single, again. I am 42 and my only child turned 18 today. He will be heading off to boot camp in a couple months. I will truly be alone. I don't want to waste the rest of my life adicted to cigarettes and wine and just coasting thru the day time hours. I want to live. I want to love life.

I have been weaning off cigarettes by using an e cig and have discovered I actually prefer the e cig. I decided last week that it was time to kick wine to the curb. I am happy to say I have not had wine in a full week and that I managed to get thru some extremely sleepless nights waking up every hours from weird scary dreams for a full week and the last 2 nights I have been able to sleep for 4 hours at a time before waking up and the dreams are still weird but not so bad. I can do this. And now that I am kicking the wine habit, I think it is time to see if low carb, true low carb, will work for me after all of this abuse/time. So here goes...please wish me luck.

I packed tomorrows breakfast and lunch:
B: ham mushroom n cheese omelet
L: shredded beef (slow cooker pot roast type taco beef) and spinach
S: smokies n cheese if I need it

BellaRose 02-03-2013 06:42 PM

Wishing you Luck...
Don't know you but you sound like
you really want to do it.

THEN YOU CAN! Your off to a good
start! KEEP IT UP!:up:

LovesDivine 02-03-2013 07:40 PM

Thank you Bella. I really do want it. I want a life. I was thinking about my son turning 18 and I praying that he doesn't waste his LIFE like I have so far. And then it hit me that I am only 42. I have alot of life left. I need to stop "killing myself" and start living.

Dolores Claiborne 02-04-2013 01:19 AM

Good Luck.

LovesDivine 02-04-2013 06:44 PM

Thank you Dolores.

Today I ate what I posted last night. I also cooked some shrimp, thin sirloin, and smoked sausage (all separate) and some zuchinni, mushrooms, and onions (together) and some lo mein noodles (separate). We ate at a Japanese steakhouse last night for my son's 18th birthday and he is still craving tepanaki so I compromised and made it all separate. I have packed all 3 meats and some veggies for my lunch tomorrow. I nibbled on a couple shrimp and a few pieces of sirloin and some veggies as I cooked them tonight. I will call that dinner.

This is just a vent and nothing to do with weight loss. I am so mad. The last year I "lived with my spouse" he forgot to give me a tax form for his 401 K withdrawls to file with our taxes so now "he owes" taxes though for some reason he feels like since we filed joint, I should pay half the bill. I said no way because the money he withdrew was to pay his and his ex's attorneys fees after she fought him in a child support/visitation lawsuit. The entire 6 years we were married, I gave him most of my paycheck and then used the rest of it to support the "running" of the grocery/household supply/kid stuff part of the "bills". I never had a dime to my name. Whenever we got a refund, it went right in his account. I never got to spend any of it on "myself" he always used to to pay attorneys fees (again due to his previous marriage). So, when the back tax bill came in, I felt that it was HIS not mine especially considering he cheated on me for 2 years which is what led to the split. He earns $150K a year. I earn $35K a year.

He told me he had made arrangements for paying off the tax bill but obviously he did not. Today I went to "see where my refund is" and got a lovely message that MY refund (I have been living separate and completely supporting myself all year) was applied to the back taxes. I am so MAAADDDDDDD! And he could give a d@mn. I am sure he is just smiling. That is OK. When he wants a divorce...I will get it back and then some. But right now it really is not good timing.

OK thank you for letting me vent.

I have plenty of food in the freezer and in the pantry so I can tighten the belt/budget for a few weeks and maybe sock some of the "lost money" away after all. Ugh.

LovesDivine 02-05-2013 03:18 PM

I am mentally going thru my freezer and pantry and trying to decide what I truly need to buy over the next couple weeks. I am trying to recover the "lost tax return".

I have 2 pounds of ground beef, a big bag of wings, and several bags of breasts with 2 in each bag in the freezer. Plus breakfast sausage, steak-eze, and steak-ums. And canned tuna and chicken in the pantry. Plenty of protein for several weeks. I can do with out fresh veggies since I have plenty of canned green beans, spinach, and frozen brocolli and green beans. Lunch meat, cheese, in the freezer to last several weeks.Half n Half and coffee...enough for 2 weeks I think. I am good on condiments as well.

I need eggs, water, butter, and pet food. Toilet paper. :o

Alright so I quit drinking, quit smoking, and NOW I am actually thinking about doing a complete pantry/freezer clean out. What is wrong with me??:confused:

How refreshing it would be to only shop for what I plan to use each week! I am a former extreme couponer and am soooooo used to having 3 freezers and 2 walk in pantries full of food.

Obviously I have compulsive issues. I never really realized that until I started "writing" this all down.

OK. Pantry/freezer clean out. I will only shop for what I need until they are cleaned out. :aprayer:

LovesDivine 02-05-2013 04:48 PM

Official eats for the day:

B: 2 fried eggs and 5 or 6 little smokies, one baby bel cheese
L: sirloin steak and smoked sausage pieces and a side of sauted zuchinni and mushrooms dipped in yummy yummy sauce
S: can of vienna sausages
D: 2 steakums topped with a slice of sharp american and tomato and mayo

I am boiling eggs to add to canned tuna for chicken salad tomorrow!

LovesDivine 02-06-2013 06:07 PM

Eats today:
B: 2 fried eggs and little smokies
L: maybe 5 or 6 bites of chicken salad and a few bites of spinach and a couple bites of tomato...just not hungry at the time
S: baby bel cheese
D: bunless Wendy's double stack and a few bites of their caesar salad. I dipped the romaine in their dressing and it was spicy. I finally figured out that it was the romaine that was spicy and that is just YUCK. So....

I was in a training tonight hence the drive thru dinner (I totall forgot and didn't pack dinner). They had a ton of carby snacks so not much to choose from after tossing my salad. I had about 4 baby carrots and 3 apple slices.

Work is kinda stressful. I can not believe my advanced honors 6th grade students have never ever made an outline before writing a paper. It is like pulling teeth to get them to understand the simple concept of a heading/main idea and some bullet points underneath with details to support the heading/main idea. And they are hopelessly lost with out a table of contents in the booklet of articles we have been working with for 2 months. They can't "find" the article they are looking for. FLIP THE PAGES. It has taken 3 full days of instruction to literally pry a 3 heading/main idea and 3 supporting details for each heading outline. :stars:

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