DONE Fooling Around

[Patkid]

192 today

I am still feeling determined and confident.
I still have some music to work on today. After that I will find another project. It is SO FICKIN' COLD. We usually get a few of these harsh days each winter, but this cold spell is lasting so much longer than usual. ugh
My goal today is to begin to find a way to eat. stop. eat. It seems that once I eat anything I want to continue to pick and to eat. Crazy.
My AM meds have been killing my stomach. I have reverted to eating about 1/2 T of PNB after taking them. It seems to be the only thing that helps.
I am going to have one of my cups of coffee with HWC toward 10 AM or so and try to postpone eating as long as I can (other than the PNB, which I can manage ok after years of using it as part of my meds). Then I want to have a nice meal and the STOP eating for at least 3.5-4 hours. Like, drinking my water, this is another thing I am working on. I don't expect to just jump into it easily, I am just working to find ways to be better about food.
Onward.

[Patkid]

Today I still want to weigh less more than I want to binge.....even on ice cream.
Thank you, Father, for this grace!
I am changing my stats as I go along. It is motivating for me.
The 30 day binge challenge helps a lot, too.
This forum is really making a difference for me this time. I think it is because I am willing to risk putting myself 'out there'. I am not just reading, I am posting more than I ever have.
So...another day....
Onward.

[Patkid]

Does everyone's life have a soundtrack or am I just crazy?
sigh

[Patkid]

whee!!!
I felt a binge twinge. I had some HWC and strawberries, but not by any means binge qtys.
I call a victory!

[Izzysdream]

Originally Posted by Patkid

whee!!!
I felt a binge twinge. I had some HWC and strawberries, but not by any means binge qtys.
I call a victory!

That is soooo awesome Pat!!! I'm proud.
Love ya!

[Izzysdream]

Originally Posted by Patkid

T
This forum is really making a difference for me this time. I think it is because I am willing to risk putting myself 'out there'. I am not just reading, I am posting more than I ever have.
So...another day....
Onward.

Right on sista!!!

[Key Tones]

Woot!!!

The 180s are coming!!!

[Patkid]

Oh, thanks so much for the encouragement, you guys!!
oooooooooo180s..........................I had really hoped to be at 190 or lower by tomorrow, but you know what?, it is okay either way.
I am losing way slower than I used to.
But I am way older than I was and way more sedentary. (I need to move PJ off the treadmill more often LOL)
I am way more determined, too. I accept it will take more time.
Okay. So be it.
Iz, I am using the afformations, thanks for that link!
KT, 106 pounds gone...............so many hugs for you!
I am making cream cheese clouds today for the first time.
If I find them binge inducing I will pitch them right away. I am hoping I can eat one after my last meal as kind of a 'okay that is it for today signal'. For some reason after my last meal I am getting a real binge twinge. I brush my teeth, I go to bed early, I read here, I pray, but it is a real struggle.
Onward

[Patkid]

Here is what I wrote on the 30 day binge free challenge board:

Tomorrow will be day one.
but I am starting NOW.
The same thing got me that has gotten me during the past when eating low carb.
RECIPES
I know I have to stick to meat, eggs, veggies, cheese, butter.
I know that every single time I think I am on my way and commited and strong I start to belief that I can be like many others and eat 'carbalikes', treats, sweet tasting things. I can not I can not
This time it was Cream Cheese Clouds.
I promised myself that if they became a problem I would pitch them.
They did
I didn't.
Cr*p.
Onward.

I repeat: CR*P.
I should have known I was weak, I had binge twinges yesterday. I fooled myself into believing I could make a fake sweet recipe and be normal about it.
Why don't I learn?
The only other time I messed up this go 'round was after having some DaVinci's in my coffee. I KNOW I CAN'T DO ARTIFICALLY SWEET STUFF. It acts like real sugar for me. I KNOW THIS.
I am going to make this lesson stick this time. I am, I really am.

MEAT
EGGS
LC VEGGIES
SMALLER QTYS OF CHEESE
BUTTER
All Natural PNB (small bites only for taking my pills)
BROTH
COFFEE
WATER


This is what works for me............nothing else. Everytime I make a 'recipe' I get into trouble. LC treats are poison for me.

I will restart the 30 day challenge tomorrow, but I am back on the horse NOW.

oh, and btw, binge monster: you have made me give up before. Lots of times. It ain't happening this time. I am going to fight you off with clean eating. I am.

[Dolores Claiborne]

Good luck Pat. Keep fighting the good fight.

[Patkid]

193.2
sigh
another day.
I am not giving up.

Lord, Speak but the word and I shall be healed.

[emel]

Originally Posted by Patkid

Does everyone's life have a soundtrack or am I just crazy?
sigh

1) I have a teen friend who has been amazing at music his whole life. He's on the autism/aspergers spectrum, high-functioning.
One time his mom was trying to understand his inability to focus on the now when she spoke to him. She asked him if he always had music playing in his head.

He blinked at her and said, "Yeah, doesn't everybody?"

2) Today the jukebox in my head is playing Delbert McClinton's "Sending Me Angels", and "Franklin's Tower." Other days, the jukebox is not as cooperative.

[Patkid]

Originally Posted by emel

1) I have a teen friend who has been amazing at music his whole life. He's on the autism/aspergers spectrum, high-functioning.
One time his mom was trying to understand his inability to focus on the now when she spoke to him. She asked him if he always had music playing in his head.

He blinked at her and said, "Yeah, doesn't everybody?"

2) Today the jukebox in my head is playing Delbert McClinton's "Sending Me Angels", and "Franklin's Tower." Other days, the jukebox is not as cooperative.

For me today's tune in the head is The River by Carlos Santana.

I would love to meet your friend's son! What a rich way to experience life!

Believe it or not : I really truly did at one time have a juke box in my dining room. Loved it. Miss it.

So glad to see you!!

[Patkid]

No sleep for me tonight/this morning.
I seem to be constipated and that doesn't help.
Starting to wonder if low carb doesn't suit my body at this age.
I have not noticed any of the usual benefits of LC yet.
I am praying for direction and still am determined to get to a healthy weight.
I will not resign myself to carrying 195 pounds around the rest of my life.
I have had 2 days since Jan 16 that I overate. LC bingeing is still bingeing.
Not giving up, just a bit bummed today.
Onward.

[scalestepper]

Originally Posted by Patkid

No sleep for me tonight/this morning.
I seem to be constipated and that doesn't help.
Starting to wonder if low carb doesn't suit my body at this age.
I have not noticed any of the usual benefits of LC yet.
I am praying for direction and still am determined to get to a healthy weight.
I will not resign myself to carrying 195 pounds around the rest of my life.
I have had 2 days since Jan 16 that I overate. LC bingeing is still bingeing.
Not giving up, just a bit bummed today.
Onward.

Good morning Pat.

I've had some of those problem eating low carb and find that taking a stool softner at night during problem times works like a charm. When my Dad was sick, Hospice advised me to buy the Walmart brand because they were the same formula as the high priced brand. Also, fiber is the key for me.

Don't beat yourself up for overeating on lc, better that than carbs. I've had some times like that and found if I stayed with protein, the monster would calm. I am 6 months binge free, you can be too.

I can attest that this woe can give one peace with food so don't give up, stay with the meat, eggs, some cheese, hwc, cream cheese, a few low carb veggies and it will all come together for you. I also don't eat any fruit and anything white.

Good luck, let's have a good day!

[Patkid]

I do that too, swimmy. SS at night. Better now............how that episode was a one off.
Took first dose of CLO today. ICK
Will work to find what works for taking this stuff.
I spent too much money on it to pitch it.
No trouble staying on plan today.
I will do a better job of updating the journal, but it is seeming like a lot to track each bite, read the forums and post for the journal plus do all the prep and cooking LC entails. I may have to resort to just logging food and keeping a paper journal.
TBD
Onward

[Patkid]

Posting as promised.
I will take one week off posting here.
I am keeping a written jrnl and logging every bite and reading and posting on the forum.
Promise to be back posting here on Feb 7, 2013.
(really and truly there is a method to my madness LOL )
B &

[Patkid]

I don't want to talk about it. LOL
Back
I know what I need to do. I repeat:
I am done fooling around.
Onward.

[Izzysdream]

Originally Posted by Patkid

I don't want to talk about it. LOL
Back
I know what I need to do. I repeat:
I am done fooling around.
Onward.

Sending huge warm cyber hugs your way. I stalled for 6 months at 160 pounds, I think my system got too acidic and clung to the weight. It depends on your system. When I started cycling up on carbs one or two days a week I started losing. i was drinking dry red wine at the time too...
I've been constipated most my adult life. But since I've started incorporated flaxmeal and psyillium seed/flour into my cooking it's helped..
Please please be gentle with yourself

[Saxy1971]

Hi Pat! Popping in to see how you were doing--I've been having a rough time of things, and it seems like I constantly sabotage myself, especially when I hit a bit of success. I just have to keep telling myself that one day it's all going to sink in and I will stick to the plan and trust the process!

[Izzysdream]

[ChristineCQ]

Hope you are doing well, Pat.