leighleigh's journal
 

This is the beginning of what I hope to be a success. I began a struggle with weight in my teenage years. Honestly, I wasn't really overweight 5'3 and 135lbs, but I was bigger than several of my friends. I also had a super skinny mother who was obsessed with low fat eating and aerobics. There were a lot of comments, etc, and I know they all have some affect on my relationship with food.

I stayed around 135-155 for most of my teens and early twenties. However, at age 22, I was able to get down to 125 by going vegetarian and eating low calorie-about 1200 calories a day. I was also biking most days of the week, running several miles and dancing for hours on weekend nights.

At age 25, I became pregnant with my first son. I gained 40 lbs. I lost 20 lbs, and when my son was 4 months old, I got pregnant again. Had ds2 and lost all the weight with him. I stayed at about 150lbs for several years. No major dieting, continued eating vegetarian. No real exercise, other than chasing after to little boys.

At age 28, I got pregnant again. I carried that baby for four months and then miscarried. I did not lose the 10 lbs I gained from that pregnancy. 3 months after my miscarriage, I got pregnant again. Carried full term and got up to 205 lbs. That number was so shocking to me at the time. Had that baby and got down to 165 lbs.

When ds3 was about 18 months old, I stopped breastfeeding him. Since, then, in about a year, I have gained 35 lbs. It has come on in increments. Usually 5-10 lbs at a time.

I have eaten very low calorie (800 calories), exercised 2 hours a day (weights and cardio) and nothing is really working. Desperately, I went to see a doctor and have tests run. Luckily, my thyroid is ok. She diagnosed me with insulin resistance and metabolic syndrome. Also, with PCOS.

I am pretty miserable here at 200 lbs. I have never been this heavy in my life. I feel I am in someone else's body. I weigh more than I did the day I gave birth to my first two sons, and almost as much as I did the day I had my third son! I don't want my boys growing up with a fat mom.

Overall, my husband has been pretty great about my weight. He has never said one word about it, but let's face it, I am sure he wishes my body looked more like it did when we got married. I am okay with never being 125 lbs again. I am in my mid thirties now. I actually was pretty comfortable at 150 lbs. I was a size 8-10 and pretty happy their. I am setting that as my goal for now.

It is not super easy for me to eat this way, having spent years as a vegetarian. I am not 100% opposed to eating meat, but it will not be a huge part of what I eat. I do not care for a lot of meat, and find the texture a bit unappealing. Some things I do ok with though, like sliced turkey, grilled chicken, and fish/seafood. I also do fine with eggs and dairy.

For the past several days, I have been eating this roughly:

bf-
coffee with 1 tbs heavy cream

lunch- salad with olives cheese and ranch or italian dressing

dinner- varies- sometimes another salad, sometimes a broiled crab cake, sometimes a low carb tortilla with grilled chicken and veggies.

I am aiming for 50 carbs and hoping I can lose on that. If not I will drop down to 20 but I feel like that may be hard for me to stick to, because I don't like meat very much.

How everything going?