Low Carb Friends

Low Carb Friends (http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/)
-   Weight Loss Journals (http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/weight-loss-journals/)
-   -   Failure cannot cope with persistence: Roszina's Journey (http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/weight-loss-journals/790127-failure-cannot-cope-persistence-roszinas-journey.html)

AmplifiedHeart 11-26-2012 08:40 PM

Failure cannot cope with persistence: Roszina's Journey
 
Hey ladies and gents. My name is Roszina and I am fairly new to this site. I made my first post a few days ago and the responses that I received were overwhelming. There are so many encouraging and inspiring individuals here! I wish that I would have known about this site a long time ago but, eh I guess it wasn't meant to be until now :p.

A little background about myself ....hmm...Well I am morbidly obese. I have been morbidly obese for as long as I can remember. I am a food addict and I medicate with food. I currently weight around 450lbs at the age of just 23 years old. In my 23 years of life I have suffered with major depression and severe anxiety due to my size. There was a time where I stayed in my room for nearly 5 years;I only came out to eat and use the bathroom. I slept over 18 hours a day back then and I constantly thought of ending my life. I felt like god had made a terrible mistake when he made me. I felt like a joke. I felt that I could never be loved by another human being. I was too ashamed to step foot out of my house in fear of being judged. I was too fragile to be be stared down by another person. I didn't want to be laughed at, I had had enough of that in grade school. I was a wreck.

Once I hit 19 years old I started talking to a guy online. We talked for about a year on the phone and then we finally met in person. We have been together ever since! He is the love of my life and I his. He is morbidly obese as well though and of course I worry what kind of future we will really have if we don't change. That is why I'm here! I have tried so many diets in the past but the only thing that has worked for me is low carb. So I'm back and ready to try again! I lost almost 100lbs doing low carb in the past but certain events in my life triggered me back into binge eating and I have been on a path to destruction ever since. NO MORE!!! It is time to really take control of my life again. I want children some day and that will never happen for me at this weight. I want a career and a happy life. I want to live and not be a prisoner within my own body. I want to experience life...plain and simple. I never have.

Fast forward -I still suffer from social anxiety till this day but I'm a work in progress. I'm starting to branch out more and spread my wings. It will take some time but I will get there. This is just the hand that I was dealt but that doesn't mean that it has to stay that way. I can beat this addiction. Food will not control me anymore. I just need to keep telling myself that.Positive self talk. No more negative thoughts. I need to stop sabotaging myself. I AM WORTH IT! I AM HERE FOR A REASON AND THAT REASON IS NOT TO BE MISERABLE AND DEPRESSED FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Please feel free to write in my journal your thoughts or advice and encouraging words throughout this adventure of mine! Your feedback and support is appreciated. If your just curious and want to browse, that is fine too! I will be posting my daily meals and logging my progress among other things. I do not have a scale right now so I wont be able to weight myself at the moment, but I was never much of a weigh er anyway. I will weigh when I can though!

AmplifiedHeart 11-26-2012 09:48 PM

First day of the rest of my life

Breakfast - two eggs and five pieces of turkey bacon
Lunch-egg salad made out of three eggs with five pieces of turkey bacon
Snack- sunflower seeds without the shell
Dinner- went out and bought some ground turkey for managers special price of only 1.99 wooo hoooo!
Made two turkey burgers for myself
Used lettuce as my bread, topped it off with a slice of cheddar
Cheese, slice of tomato, and a little bit of mayo


I'm feeling good.

AmplifiedHeart 11-27-2012 08:26 AM

I'm enrolled in a nursing assistant course at the moment. I was so proud of myself when I decided to do it. For so long I was afraid to go out and face the world but some how I managed to get the courage and do this. I'm taking small steps. In the future I would love to go to college and get my bsn in nursing. Small steps though. Everyday that I come here I have anxiety even still. When we have to do demonstrations in class I get so nervous. Other people can tell. They tell me to be confident but that is a hard thing to do. I'm working on it though. In a few days I start clinical at a nursing home and I'm so scared! But I need to do it.

Today we have to learn cpr and I'm a nervous wreck! I have to get on the floor and give cpr to a mannequin. Hello I'm fat! You know how hard that will be for me? This is another huge reason why I need to get the weight off. My career. I can't be a morbidly obese nurse. I can barely walk up the stairs without being out of breath. I need to set an example for my future patients.

AmplifiedHeart 11-27-2012 08:45 AM

The women in this class are always bringing snacks for the class.... Today one of them brought in some pumpkin cheescake rolls... *drool* now she is talking about bringing in chocolate chip pumpkin cookies..... WHYYYYYYYYY! I'm trying to take my mind off of it though. I can see myself starting to rationalize having just one but I know that once I eat it, it's a wrap for the day... I'm sure I will mess up. It's a pattern with me. Once I feel like I messed up I just go all out. I say f it. But not today. I'm fighting these cravings. I want to win this battle.

My mom gave me a few dollars to buy some groceries ( I tell her not to but she does anyway, she worries about me). So I went out yesterday and bought a few packs of ground turkey, a whole chicken, and some cauliflower. That should last me until the 1st. Yay.

AmplifiedHeart 11-27-2012 12:21 PM

I was able to hold off on the junk food. Yay! The cpr class isn't so bad. The instructor is being really considerate of my size. He let me practice with my mannequin on the table instead of on the floor like the rest of the class.. I am very appreciative but I'm also ashamed. Idk.

I'm really stuffed from lunch. I ate 3 small turkey burgers for lunch, using lettuce as my bread with a slice of cheddar cheese on top, slice of tomato, and some mayo. I also had some chopped up cauliflower on the side. Yummy.

Deb294evr 11-27-2012 04:11 PM

Just dropping in to say GO GIRL!!.. :jumpjoy:

You sound like you are doing just great, and I know you have a fantastic attitude!! I wish you all the best. One day at a time!! :up:

AmplifiedHeart 11-27-2012 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deb294evr (Post 16103153)
Just dropping in to say GO GIRL!!.. :jumpjoy:

You sound like you are doing just great, and I know you have a fantastic attitude!! I wish you all the best. One day at a time!! :up:

Thanks for the encouragement!:hugs:

AmplifiedHeart 11-27-2012 06:44 PM

Breakfast - two eggs and five pieces of turkey bacon
Lunch-leftovers from yesterday. Three small turkey burgers with lettuce as my bread, slice of cheddar cheese on top, slice of tomato, and a dallop of mayo with some cauliflower on the side.
Snack-turkey burger
Dinner- two and a half chicken thighs with some cream cheesed spinach on the side.
Snack-pork rinds

AmplifiedHeart 11-27-2012 06:52 PM

I wanted to snap some photos of my meals but I forgot. As soon as I got my plate I just devoured it. I was really hungry when I got home from class today. Will snap some tomorrow though.
I have been super hungry tonight. Maybe it's my body adjusting to not having as many carbs as usual. I scoffed down those pork rinds tonight right after dinner. I know this will pass though, I just need to hang in there. And I will.

AnnF 11-27-2012 07:17 PM

Hi! You seem to be off to a great start! I wanted to tell you a little trick I do to get some "good" carbs and fiber and vitamins into my system. One of my favorite meals is a burger (beef or turkey) which I nestle on a pile of spinach or arugula. I top the burger with mayo and then pour some of the pan drippings over the greens. They wilt a little and taste delicious!

Any way, be proud of yourself... You're doing great!

AmplifiedHeart 11-27-2012 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnF (Post 16103477)
Hi! You seem to be off to a great start! I wanted to tell you a little trick I do to get some "good" carbs and fiber and vitamins into my system. One of my favorite meals is a burger (beef or turkey) which I nestle on a pile of spinach or arugula. I top the burger with mayo and then pour some of the pan drippings over the greens. They wilt a little and taste delicious!

Any way, be proud of yourself... You're doing great!

That sounds delicious! I will definitely try it. As you can see I love burgers lol. They are like a staple in my low carb woe. Quick and easy to make and tasty! Thanks for the suggestion and for your kind words and support! :hugs:

AmplifiedHeart 11-27-2012 08:51 PM

I got a little bit ridiculous with the pork rinds tonight. I ate my serving plus the serving that I made for my boyfriend( He had a few and didn't want anymore). I was actually hungry though, or atleast I felt like I was. We didn't eat the whole bag though and that is a first!I made four ziploc bags with pork rinds in them. One for me and him today and one for me and him tomorrow, so I did good in that respect. The good thing too is that it is still low carb but I know the calories are pretty up there.see what happens when I don't stick to the basics at first and I go out and buy "junk food"? I can tell already that I'm going to need to watch myself around pork rinds or else I may over eat them. Besides the pork rinds I am doing great though. I'm proud of myself even though I just started like two days ago lol. I'm in this for the long haul.

Deb294evr 11-28-2012 05:43 AM

I think you have the right mindset on the pork rinds! Careful!.. :laugh: You should be proud, you are handling things well, just keep up the great work! :clap:

AmplifiedHeart 11-28-2012 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deb294evr (Post 16103943)
I think you have the right mindset on the pork rinds! Careful!.. :laugh: You should be proud, you are handling things well, just keep up the great work! :clap:

Thanks deb! :)

AmplifiedHeart 11-28-2012 04:08 PM

Class was really stressful today. I found myself getting upset a few times. Today just wasn't a good day for me. By the end of class I was craving something sweet. I know it was because of the stress. So I walked to the grocery store and bought a sparkling water. Carb free! It was so delicious and it hit the spot. Satisfied my sweet tooth. I'm proud that I made a good choice. A much better choice than I would have in the past. :jumpjoy:

Deb294evr 11-28-2012 04:12 PM

WOW!! so very happy for you!!.. :jumpjoy: You are determined!!

That took some big time will power, and what a great choice!! Sorry class was stressful though. :hugs: Hope the rest of your evening is peaceful..

AmplifiedHeart 11-28-2012 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deb294evr (Post 16105254)
WOW!! so very happy for you!!.. :jumpjoy: You are determined!!

That took some big time will power, and what a great choice!! Sorry class was stressful though. :hugs: Hope the rest of your evening is peaceful..

Thanks deb! Same to you! It seems to be easier to pick healthier choices while I'm low carbing. The sparkling water just seemed like the perfect choice. It was the first thing that came to my mind actually. I feel like I'm eating light now that I'm eating low carb. I don't have the heavy feeling that you get when you eat carbs and I don't want to. Maybe that is why I went with the sparkling water too. That and the will to change my life for the better. :D

Btw deb, I love your stats! That is awesome! Can't wait until I can update my stats with such progress. I have a long way to gooooo lol. I'm in it for the long run though.

AmplifiedHeart 11-28-2012 04:50 PM

Breakfast - two eggs and two small pieces of ham
Lunch- leftovers, three chicken thighs with some cream cheesed spinach, had a few pork rings also
Snack- two Chile relleno (Chile peppers stuffed with cheese, coated with egg and then pan fried in oil)
Dinner-three turkey burgers with lettuce as my bread, slice of cheddar cheese on top, slice of tomato, and a dallop of mayo with cauliflower on the side.

AnnF 11-28-2012 05:57 PM

Still doing great! By the way I love your handle!

AmplifiedHeart 11-28-2012 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnF (Post 16105504)
Still doing great! By the way I love your handle!

Thanks for the support Ann! :hugs:

AmplifiedHeart 11-28-2012 06:12 PM

I was curious as to what my BMI was so I found one of those online calculators.

Got this straight from this site
If your BMI is over 30:
This indicates an unhealthy condition, your excess “Phat” is putting you at risk for heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, gall bladder disease and some cancers. You should lose weight by changing your diet and exercising more.

Drumrooooll plz! I (lol @ the dramatics). My bmi is.... 74.9

Just wanted to throw that out there lol. I'm not sad about it or anything. What did I expect.? Lol. I'm happy because I'm doing something to change it. You can't change the past but you can always change today and have a brighter future.

AmplifiedHeart 11-28-2012 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmplifiedHeart (Post 16105354)
Breakfast - two eggs and two small pieces of ham
Lunch- leftovers, three chicken thighs with some cream cheesed spinach, had a few pork rings also
Snack- two Chile relleno (Chile peppers stuffed with cheese, coated with egg and then pan fried in oil)
Dinner-three turkey burgers with lettuce as my bread, slice of cheddar cheese on top, slice of tomato, and a dallop of mayo with cauliflower on the side.

I actually put my dinner up there without making it yet because that it what I planned to eat for dinner today. BUT me and my boyfriend decided that we aren't really hungry and that we won't eat dinner tonight. Who would have thought.? Lol we did have the chili relleno for an afternoon snack so maybe that is why. Either way I'm not complaining lol. Maybe I should wait to log my meals until after dinner though... Just a thought.

Deb294evr 11-29-2012 05:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmplifiedHeart (Post 16105526)
I was curious as to what my BMI was so I found one of those online calculators.

Got this straight from this site
If your BMI is over 30:
This indicates an unhealthy condition, your excess “Phat” is putting you at risk for heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, gall bladder disease and some cancers. You should lose weight by changing your diet and exercising more.

Drumrooooll plz! I (lol @ the dramatics). My bmi is.... 74.9

Just wanted to throw that out there lol. I'm not sad about it or anything. What did I expect.? Lol. I'm happy because I'm doing something to change it. You can't change the past but you can always change today and have a brighter future.

I LOVE YOUR ATTITUDE!! Girl you are such an inspiration.. I mean that! :hugs::clap:


Quote:

Originally Posted by AmplifiedHeart (Post 16105609)
I actually put my dinner up there without making it yet because that it what I planned to eat for dinner today. BUT me and my boyfriend decided that we aren't really hungry and that we won't eat dinner tonight. Who would have thought.? Lol we did have the chili relleno for an afternoon snack so maybe that is why. Either way I'm not complaining lol. Maybe I should wait to log my meals until after dinner though... Just a thought.

That is awesome!!.. I agree with you, who would have thought?...:laugh: Wonderful! you and your boyfriend are doing fantastic! Keep it up and % is going to go down FAST!!!... :clap:

AmplifiedHeart 11-29-2012 08:41 AM

Class is about to start. I brought two bottles of sparkling water this morning just in case the sweet bug hit me. I love the lemon lime flavor. Taste like sprite or seven up, just guilt free. :D

Deb294evr 11-29-2012 12:03 PM

Great plan!! hope your day is going well!..:cool:

AmplifiedHeart 11-29-2012 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deb294evr (Post 16106910)
Great plan!! hope your day is going well!..:cool:

Thanks deb. I hope your day is going great also!

AmplifiedHeart 11-29-2012 12:12 PM

Today in class we had to pick a partner for clinical on Monday. I guess nobody wanted to partner up with me. I was picked last as usual. Lol not really. I wasn't picked at all. Maybe they think my weight makes me incompetent. Idk. Oh well! I guess I will just have to prove them wrong.

Deb294evr 11-29-2012 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmplifiedHeart (Post 16106927)
Today in class we had to pick a partner for clinical on Monday. I guess nobody wanted to partner up with me. I was picked last as usual. Lol not really. I wasn't picked at all. Maybe they think my weight makes me incompetent. Idk. Oh well! I guess I will just have to prove them wrong.

YOU ARE DARN RIGHT!!! :mad: weight does not define a person, nor their ability... you show em!!.. :jumpjoy:

Thanks Roszina, my day is going great!

SpikersMom 11-29-2012 04:12 PM

Hi Roszina

Just read through your journal! You are doing great! I bet you will graduate at the top of your class! You just keep working your plan and stay focused! I am rooting for you! And I drink those sparkling waters too - I like them! Better for you than diet sodas - that's for sure!


-Nan-

AmplifiedHeart 11-29-2012 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SpikersMom (Post 16107413)
Hi Roszina

Just read through your journal! You are doing great! I bet you will graduate at the top of your class! You just keep working your plan and stay focused! I am rooting for you! And I drink those sparkling waters too - I like them! Better for you than diet sodas - that's for sure!


-Nan-

Aww thank you! Thanks for the support!

Sparkling water is awesome. I just tried a new flavor of sparkling water that I love. Pineapple coconut from Walmart. So good!


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:13 PM.