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Old 11-12-2012, 08:48 PM   #1
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I can only control myself.

Hello, everyone. I've been posting here for a while, but have decided to try to take advantage of the journal board. It is helpful to read other journals, and I think it will be equally as helpful to write my own.

I am a 32-year-old woman. I was diagnosed in late 2009 with type two diabetes, and by early 2010 I'd lost over 30 pounds and was below 200 pounds for the first time in over ten years. I was proud of myself and was a size smaller. Soon after that weight loss, my husband and I went through a time of turmoil. He lost his job, we lost our house, and we had to move into a situation that didn't make us happy. We're still in the same living arrangement now, but we have learned to make the most of it. During those hard times, I gained all of the weight back and now my blood sugar is high again (and probably my blood pressure as well). I have totally neglected my health since 2010. I always managed to find an excuse why eating sugar or junk food was okay. Now I'm suffering the consequences.

A few weeks ago, I started noticing the symptoms of high blood sugar hitting me hard. Sudden bouts of dizziness. Frequent urination. Mood swings. My heart pounding. These are all the same things that led me to the doctor in 2009 to discover that I had type two diabetes. I stopped checking my blood sugar after we lost our house and just tried to pretend that I'm "normal." And one thing that I have learned is that most of us are anything but "normal," but we eat like we are. Or maybe it's really that society's current "normal" eating is what's freakish, not us. We've been duped.

I sat myself down one night recently and thought it all out and even wrote here about the panic I was feeling. I realized that there is a simple solution, and that is just saying NO. Saying no to things that will damage me. I have always been my own worst enemy when it comes to my weight, and that is what has to change. I need to eat for my health because my life depends on it. I'd become a type two diabetic who was eating horrible, sugary food like there was no tomorrow. I'm ashamed to admit that.

So, now I'm on day five of Induction. I've lost about five pounds so far, though I know it is all water weight. I'm already feeling less bloated and lighter.

I have noticed that I've been feeling a lot of anxiety the last couple of days. Part of that is because I don't have sugar as a drug to relieve my pain. I'm now in the position that I will have to face my troubles without a crutch. That is scary for me because I've never done that in my life. I've always used food as a drug to numb my mind. At this point, my husband is working again, but we still have a lot of financial mess to clean up. I'm also dealing with some issues with family. All of this would normally have me eating like crazy, but I'm not allowing it. As the title of my thread says, the only thing I can truly control is myself. When bad things happen, all I can do is control the way I react to them. Eating mindlessly is being out of control.

Another thing that I am using for motivation right now is the fact that I would like to have a baby within the next couple of years. I do not want to be an obese, diabetic pregnant woman. It would be extremely hard for me and unfair to my baby. If I get pregnant, I want to be in the best shape of my life for it.

So, anyway, I made it through today, and I'll face tomorrow, too. Speaking of tomorrow, I'm planning to add some exercise in. I have a couple of workout DVDs I'm going to use so that I don't even have to leave the house. I'll be back tomorrow for more writing.
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Old 11-13-2012, 02:40 AM   #2
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Good for you! You are in the right mind set now and you will reap great rewards from your efforts! Eating mindlessly is a huge problem for alot of us. It's so easy to pop yummy things in our mouths throughout the day. When I log my food intake, it keeps me focused on choosing the best option and I always lose weight. (I don't have a fancy cell phone so I use "Fat Secret" on my laptop.) Stay positive and you will get healthy for yourself, your husband and that future little one!
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Old 11-13-2012, 02:52 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Garden View Post
Good for you! You are in the right mind set now and you will reap great rewards from your efforts! Eating mindlessly is a huge problem for alot of us. It's so easy to pop yummy things in our mouths throughout the day. When I log my food intake, it keeps me focused on choosing the best option and I always lose weight. (I don't have a fancy cell phone so I use "Fat Secret" on my laptop.) Stay positive and you will get healthy for yourself, your husband and that future little one!
Thank you for the kind words, Garden. I appreciate the support. Keeping strict food logs is something I am trying to get in the habit of doing daily. I don't do it every day at this time. But I think it is the only way to avoid mindless eating and to be honest with yourself about what's going into your body. I don't have a fancy cell phone either, so I will look into Fat Secret!

Ever since Sunday, I've been dealing with constipation. Sorry if that's TMI, but I'm sure a lot of people here have dealt with it during Induction. In fact, when I tried Atkins the first time, I had a very, very bad experience because of it. If you look at some of my very old posts, you will probably find the one I made about my ordeal. I've been eating a salad with dinner every night since I started last week, as well as cauliflower or some other vegetable side dish, but Atkins always seems to make my digestive system slow down to a near halt. I have noticed that my weight hasn't budged since Saturday morning, and I think this has something to do with it, considering how long it's been since the last time I...um...expelled any food I've eaten. Anyway, I may have to add some ground flax seeds to my meals to get things moving again. And more water.

Other than that, today has been a good day. No cheating, no sidetracking. It's almost time to eat dinner, and I'm looking forward to it!
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Old 11-13-2012, 03:42 PM   #4
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You definitely need to increase your fiber intake. Try some celery dipped in ranch dressing. Salads are always good too. I love the Smart & Delicious brand of high fiber tortillas. Fiber One 90 calorie bars are great also. You can subtract the fiber from the carb count for net carbs. I have never done a strict Atkins induction, just try to reduce my total carb intake overall - no potatoes, pasta, etc.
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Old 11-13-2012, 08:18 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Garden View Post
You definitely need to increase your fiber intake. Try some celery dipped in ranch dressing. Salads are always good too. I love the Smart & Delicious brand of high fiber tortillas. Fiber One 90 calorie bars are great also. You can subtract the fiber from the carb count for net carbs. I have never done a strict Atkins induction, just try to reduce my total carb intake overall - no potatoes, pasta, etc.
Back again. I don't know if I can eat tortillas at this point because Induction is very strict. But I will definitely add more vegetables. I have some celery sticks in the fridge. I still haven't had any luck today "going," so I'm hoping those will help!

Even though my weight hasn't moved any in the last three days, my pants are noticeably looser. I love that feeling, when you notice your clothes fit better or your face looks less puffy. I also noticed that my face looks brighter. And it hasn't even been a full week yet. I'm excited about what's to come, and I'm trying not to get too obsessed with the scale. The scale isn't always honest.
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Old 11-13-2012, 08:32 PM   #6
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Oops, one more thing I forgot to mention in that last post. My husband isn't on Atkins. He's a thin guy in pretty good shape. He was saying he wanted something sweet tonight, so I made a batch of low carb chocolate mousse, about four carbs per serving.

I noticed that I still felt tempted to eat the entire bowl of mousse, even though it was sugarless. I didn't, but I had two servings which put me a couple of carbs over my daily limit. While I'm glad I had the control to stop myself, it showed me that I have to be extremely careful with ANYTHING that tastes sweet, sugarless or not. Just the taste of sweetness triggers my brain to binge. I hate that. It's part of why I'm addicted to diet soda. That sweet taste makes me want to drink and drink. I need to work on getting off those sodas, and making sure that I limit the treats, or I will sabotage myself. I can't let that happen again.
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Old 11-14-2012, 11:24 AM   #7
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Yes, that first taste of sweetness leads to more and more! Last week I made an apple cake and almost ate to whole thing by myself then my husband brought another coffee cake home from work !!!! (darn fund raisers) - I tasted it but stopped there! That's how I made up my mind to get strict this week and it's working!
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Old 11-14-2012, 02:04 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Garden View Post
Yes, that first taste of sweetness leads to more and more! Last week I made an apple cake and almost ate to whole thing by myself then my husband brought another coffee cake home from work !!!! (darn fund raisers) - I tasted it but stopped there! That's how I made up my mind to get strict this week and it's working!
Yep, Garden, I'm with you. The only way to avoid overeating the sweet stuff is to set your mind to it. No mindless eating.

I'm a little discouraged today. Tomorrow I hit my one-week mark, and this morning I was back up to 234 from 230. I'm not sure what happened. My constipation problem seems to be over as of late last night, so that's not it. I've been pretty vigilant of carbs and calories, and have been eating high fat. I was expecting to see a drop this morning, not a gain! I guess it could be anything. I'm just trying to concentrate on the fact that my face looks thinner and I feel less bloated. Something is obviously working. I'll do my one-week weigh-in in the morning and go from there. I'm planning to stick to Induction for at least two or three more weeks after this.

I know a lot of people here weigh daily, and I've been one of them, but I'm starting to think I may go to once a week or every two weeks. It really upsets me when I don't see a drop, but when you weigh every day, you're bound to see natural fluctuations. I'm hoping for a good drop or "whoosh" by early next week. Or then I really will start to worry.
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Old 11-14-2012, 02:47 PM   #9
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Stay strong. Our bodies do weird things, I'll bet you are just retaining water for some reason and will have a whoosh very soon.
Quote:
I know a lot of people here weigh daily, and I've been one of them, but I'm starting to think I may go to once a week or every two weeks. It really upsets me when I don't see a drop, but when you weigh every day, you're bound to see natural fluctuations. I'm hoping for a good drop or "whoosh" by early next week. Or then I really will start to worry.
Do try weighing weekly - it's not good to feel upset every time you see a weight you don't like. Getting upset will raise your cortisol levels and high cortisol levels will interfere with losing weight.
Have you taken any measurements or got a pair of reference pants to try on? Sometimes our weight will be up but we will have lost inches. Just seeing how baggy my old pair of jeans are now , really helps me when I feel down about not losing more...
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Old 11-16-2012, 04:54 AM   #10
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Sorry for your gain..........I have to weigh daily cause it keeps me aware of how much I can put in my mouth. Sometimes I think we eat because we are trained to have 3 meals a day - do we really need it? Why can't we re-train ourselves to eat twice a day with a good choice of calories/carbs/fat??????
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