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Old 11-14-2012, 08:33 PM   #121
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Originally Posted by NH_Free View Post


Where are you going to shop when you don't need a tailor anymore, Z?
I'll probably still use a tailor, but it'll be to look good, instead of merely to have clothes that fit.


I spent about 3 days at a gain and plateau. it would have been easy to get disappointed, but I anticipated it because of exercise. I've learned to pay attention to the trend rather than the one off weight.

You see, even though my weight was up a few pounds to 319, that was still one of the lowest weights I've seen years. Plotted out on a chart, it represents an obvious and massive improvement from just a few weeks ago.

Then, when I stopped retaining water from exercise - ZIFF! - down 3 pounds to 316 overnight.

It's hard to imagine that this is working, but it keeps working despite my disbelief.

I really am in danger of buying clothes that will only fit for a season or two.

That's a risk I'm willing to take.
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Old 11-15-2012, 06:34 AM   #122
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Congratulations on your awesome weight loss. I have learned so much from reading your journal. I hope that you are happy in Tucson -- what a beautiful place!
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Old 11-15-2012, 07:22 AM   #123
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Well, don't spend too much on clothes yet. I think you're going to find yourself going through a few sizes real quick.

I had 3 sizes of clothes stashed and went through them in 3 months. Mostly thrift store and eBay stuff that I got dirt cheap, so I didn't mind ditching them. My poor husband can never find jeans in the thrift stores, so he's walking around with jeans that are so baggy in the butt, they look like a full diaper. He refuses to buy new ones until his waist shrinks to 34".
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Old 11-15-2012, 09:59 AM   #124
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Z, I've been a lurker for the past several months since restarting LC 6 months ago and I have followed your journal from post 1. I often have a hard time expressing all I want to say but you really have a way with words and I appreciate that you aren't afraid to get straight to the punchline! Just needed to let you know that your open thoughts are not in vain and are even helping me through. I have related to everything you've said; the good, the bad, and the ugly! Thank you!

I am one of those who have lived my life on the sidelines, trying not to attract any negative attention while feeling as though I am under a neon spotlight everywhere I go because the general public act like they have never seen a single obese person in their lives and I must be the most grotesque thing they have ever laid eyes on! My femininity has suffered so much! I went from a 140 lb loss 5 years ago to regaining 165 and it takes such an emotional/mental toll going from being treated to inhuman to halfway normal back to inhuman all over again.

And these same people who judge us tell us to stop eating and lose weight and then readily sabotage us with food and words that hurt at every twist and turn. I'm just tired!

Anyway, that is only a few of the thoughts I want to express. It's like putting your life story into little paragraphs, it just cannot be done! Especially once you've become so accustomed to choking back all the emotions and feeling like you just don't want to talk about it anymore.
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Old 11-15-2012, 09:46 PM   #125
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Congratulations on your awesome weight loss. I have learned so much from reading your journal. I hope that you are happy in Tucson -- what a beautiful place!
Thanks for stopping by GailyGail! I am absolutely loving Tucson. The weather is amazing, even when it's "awful". Watching the locals put coats on in 75 degree weather is hilarious. My joints feel amazing, and I recover from exercise more quickly. Meanwhile, my new job is fascinating, and is pushing the boundaries of pathology laboratory information technology.

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Z, I've been a lurker for the past several months since restarting LC 6 months ago and I have followed your journal from post 1. I often have a hard time expressing all I want to say but you really have a way with words and I appreciate that you aren't afraid to get straight to the punchline! Just needed to let you know that your open thoughts are not in vain and are even helping me through. I have related to everything you've said; the good, the bad, and the ugly! Thank you!

I am one of those who have lived my life on the sidelines, trying not to attract any negative attention while feeling as though I am under a neon spotlight everywhere I go because the general public act like they have never seen a single obese person in their lives and I must be the most grotesque thing they have ever laid eyes on! My femininity has suffered so much! I went from a 140 lb loss 5 years ago to regaining 165 and it takes such an emotional/mental toll going from being treated to inhuman to halfway normal back to inhuman all over again.

And these same people who judge us tell us to stop eating and lose weight and then readily sabotage us with food and words that hurt at every twist and turn. I'm just tired!

Anyway, that is only a few of the thoughts I want to express. It's like putting your life story into little paragraphs, it just cannot be done! Especially once you've become so accustomed to choking back all the emotions and feeling like you just don't want to talk about it anymore.
Thanks for stopping by, It's Faith!

It's really astounding to me how many people are coming out of the woodwork to share similar sentiments with me. Congrats on your weight loss so far! You've accomplished so much already. You must really have a great handle on your methodology. It's not just what you eat - but what you think that takes you that far. and clearly your inner game is strong.

Meanwhile, I'm only just coming up to the 30 pound mark. I feel like my journey is only beginning. It almost seems like it could all just stop working at any time. I don't feel 30 pounds lighter. Except when I walk up stairs, or stand up or sit down or when I try on pants that haven't fit me in over a year.

I don't feel lighter, though. Unless you mean with my hands, when I notice that my stomach isn't where it "belongs". or when I notice how "funny" my legs are starting to look, or how toned and meaty my calves are getting.

I don't feel lighter, until I find myself sitting comfortably in a booth, or wearing a shirt that didn't fit me two months ago.

I don't feel any lighter until I do something that I couldn't do before.

However, I do feel stronger.

I feel stronger every time I ask the waiter to hold the potatoes. And the bread. And the rice. And the fruit. And the tortillas...

I feel stronger every time I'm near a dessert - because I'm not even tempted. I don't see pie - I see the fast track back to 350 pounds.

I feel stronger every time I take the stairs, or go for a walk or do something.

I feel stronger every time I cook an egg.

All of this feels like it's going somewhere. I mean... how could I sink so much effort into something and just give up? Nope, I'm on a roll, albeit a slow one, and I intend to see this thing all the way through to the end - at which point I intend to continue with it. With work now, I can't spend as much of my time writing - so I apologize for my inactivity and my lackluster writing.

But rest assured - it means a lot to me to have touched anyone with my writing - even in the smallest way.
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Old 11-16-2012, 05:28 AM   #126
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315.
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Old 11-16-2012, 05:59 AM   #127
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Fantastic!!!

Look how many views you have, you have touched more people than you know...
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Old 11-16-2012, 09:46 AM   #128
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Thank you for the compliment, Z. I don't always feel that strong on the inside and then seem to lose all perspective, perplexed at how I got so far at one point only to backslide all the way back to ground zero. No wait, I do know: Sugar Addiction! Just a little creeps back into the system then suddenly all there is to care about is where to get the next "quick fix". Then, for me, one day lead into another, etc. So sad, I cry. How could anything mean more?

All I really know is something just "clicked" one day and the path before me has become so much clearer and for the first time in years it feels I can focus more on the goal than the obstacles that get thrown my way. And I can tell that you are in that place. You have a strong will, a positive spirit, and your eye is on the prize. You will see this through all the way to the end, I just know it!

With 200 lbs. total to lose, it feels like I am just beginning, too. I am not quite at the halfway point and don't really see all of the progress but, like you, I do feel it in so many small ways that are adding up. I feel better, move more quickly, and didn't have to hold my breath the last time I sat in a restaurant booth!

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Old 11-16-2012, 08:38 PM   #129
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No matter how hard you try, you can't lose 100 pounds. In fact, you can't even lose 50 pounds. All you can do is to lose 1 pound, as many times as it takes to reach your goal.

It's easy to become discouraged. It's easy to see the distance ahead instead of the distance already traveled. Don't worry about 100 pounds from now. Keep that image close to your heart, yes, but don't let that be the only milestone you cherish.

The milestone to strive for is only one pound less than you weigh right now. Work towards that next pound, and celebrate it when you reach it. Every pound is one of the many that you've been trying to lose. Each new pound lost is cause for merriment.

Take pride in each new low - and when you fluctuate up, take pride that your upswings are dramatically lower than your downswings used to be.

At least in an intermediate sense, your goal should always be one more pound. It's easier to eat clean when you keep hitting your goals. And how far away is one pound, really?

No one loses it all at once. You only lose it one pound at a time.

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Old 11-17-2012, 06:57 AM   #130
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Faith - all of us go through that "don't see the progress" thing. Our minds play nasty tricks on us when losing weight. Some days I look in the mirror and think I look positively thin, other days I see nothing but fat. It happens to my husband too, and sometimes in reverse. Just recently, he said he thought he looked thinner after 2 weeks of eating better on the road. When he got home and weighed, he'd actually gained a few lbs. Never trust the mirror.
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Old 11-17-2012, 09:29 AM   #131
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Hi there, Z! I was just wondering how it's been going for you and looked for this thread. Congrats on the weight loss so far!
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Old 11-17-2012, 09:37 AM   #132
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313.0

Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday:

"My weight has been the same for three days now. Maybe I've hit the wall. I guess this is it, and I'm going to be grinding it out at a pound a month for the rest of my life. Maybe I won't be losing weight anymore at all. I mean, I didn't really think I could keep losing weight on the bacon, eggs and butter diet, right?"

Saturday:
Total loss for the week - 5.0 pounds.

But just to be safe, let's see where I am on the chart.



Examining the charted data, measuring once per week, I haven't had a plateau or an uptick in 4 weeks - This, despite exceeding my carb count last Saturday. Once I recognized my error, I took immediate corrective action.

I don't have to be perfect - but my inner game has to be 100%. I can't use the fact that I lost 5 pounds after exceeding my carb limit as an excuse to eat more carby foods. There is a world of difference between an accident, and willfully choosing to break the diet, and it all comes down to intent. Here's the thing though. I don't want potatoes. and I don't want candy or cake or bread or tortillas. It might seem appetizing at first glance, but none of those things are all that good. It's not a new thing either - even before I was low carb if you set down a tray of meat, cheese, vegetables and bread - I'd have eaten everything but the bread. Now, if I were to sit here and obsess about chocolate cream pie or tortellini and pesto, I could probably convince myself that it was worth eating. Indeed, I'd probably trigger a craving and enter into the planning and justification stage. As with all such behaviors, dietary relapse begins with the mind. So I can't allow myself to daydream about pasta. Sooner or later, I'd find an excuse. It's not simply brainwashing myself to like different things, or to deny things I've liked in the past. That would never work.

Think of it this way:

If every day of your diet is a punishment, then every single day is a struggle. A desire to be healthier and thinner might goad you into compliance for a month or two, but what then? How long can you inflict suffering on yourself before your will is utterly depleted? This isn't a punishment. It's permission to eat the way that makes sense to me. It's like being a kid again. I can eat the best part of the pizza and throw away the bread (and the crusts!). I can eat all the meat I want. Double serving of pulled pork? Why not make it a triple - I'm on a diet. Salami, pepperoni, German landjäger, summer sausage, cheese, bacon, smoked brisket, slow cooked round roast, eggs, heavy cream, butter, Jimmy Dean, chorizo, kielbasa, bratwurst, spicy Hungarian Kolbasz, Little Smokies, gyros without the flatbread, burritos without the tough nasty tortilla, grilled seasoned chicken without the bland flavorless rice...

I get to eat only the best parts of everything. AND I never have to eat someone else's bland, lazy, flavorless spaghetti ever again.

It is true, that every now and then, I might have to exercise some willpower. Someone at work came by with a cart of Twinkies and cupcakes. I can eat a box of Twinkies and a box of cupcakes without coming up for air. Instead I said, "no thanks". Here's the thing, I'm not saying it doesn't take willpower to succeed. But if you can make your way of eating something that caters to your tastes, you only need enough willpower to say no to a single cupcake when it's offered to you. All of it begins in the mind. Choosing to obsess on what you can't have will lead to suffering and ultimately failure.

Finding ways to enjoy - truly enjoy - what you can have will make the road a lot nicer. Because this isn't a path - it's a whole new vehicle. The destination is the same, and it hits all the same milestones, but we are travelling in a new way from the ways we've tried before. Every day I stay clean on my diet - that's the goal.

Everything else will work itself out.

Last edited by Z; 11-17-2012 at 10:33 AM..
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Old 11-17-2012, 12:14 PM   #133
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Faith - all of us go through that "don't see the progress" thing. Our minds play nasty tricks on us when losing weight. Some days I look in the mirror and think I look positively thin, other days I see nothing but fat. It happens to my husband too, and sometimes in reverse. Just recently, he said he thought he looked thinner after 2 weeks of eating better on the road. When he got home and weighed, he'd actually gained a few lbs. Never trust the mirror.
I know that everyone goes through their moments of not really "seeing" the progress. I was only relating to Z's sentiment that he doesn't really "feel" lighter yet notices the difference in other small progresses. I definitely can't lend too much credence to the mirror these days, so I get what you're saying, and it's a wise thing for me at this point not to. I do see and feel the difference in the way my current and older clothes fit, so I am certainly not complaining.
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Old 11-18-2012, 05:02 AM   #134
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Well, you've come a long way! I give you a lot of credit for sticking with it.

Your chart looks real good, Z. Mine is full of spikes that go well above the line.
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Old 11-18-2012, 02:03 PM   #135
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Went out drinking and singing last night. Don't try to picture it in a classy way. I'm not talking about a glass or two of white zinfandel from '93. No, I got truly and properly wrecked.

I started off with a sugar free Red Bull and vodka. That's 3 carbs. Then I had a 3 Bud Selects (1.9 carbs per). I finished it two shots of Jameson Irish Whiskey (neat), and a double of Johnny Walker Black (rocks). An interesting aside, liquor is dangerously inexpensive down here.

The point here isn't to brag about all of my drinking, but rather to examine my drinking methodology. More specifically I want to answer two questions that I think people might be hesitant to ask:

1. "What are the consequences of a night out?"
2. "How can you cut loose and stay low carb?"

All told, I put 6-8 extra carbs in my system. You'll notice I stuck with sugar free mixer, and an extremely low carb beer. When I weighed in this morning, I was up a bit from yesterday - 313.8. I expected that I would be.

As I understand it, alcohol doesn't stop ketosis. However, it does suspend ketosis. Basically, as long as the alcohol is still in your system, that's what your body uses for fuel. Then you drop right back into the ketosis groove, and everything resumes.

Obviously I can't tell you what your results would be, and the dataset is insufficient to draw conclusions. However, I thought it would be an interesting case study to follow my weight for the next few days and observe how long it takes for weight loss to resume.

I know some people see this as a moral issue. I harbor no such reservations. I'm simply curious, in a clinical sense about the specific impact of a night out on my weight loss. I hypothesize that "low carb" doesn't have to mean "low fun". But maybe I'm wrong.

Either way, I'll be tracking my results closely over the next few days.
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Old 11-18-2012, 04:49 PM   #136
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How it effects you, is how you make it happen. Alcohol is not good for LC. MY OPINION.
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:13 AM   #137
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Z, I am interested to see how much your fun night out impacted your weight loss. If you could kindly post your experience, that would be great. Good for you for sticking to low carb mixers, beers, etc. In my experience, I cannot drink that much while I am low carbing because they alcohol really hits me hard when I am not eating as much.
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Old 11-19-2012, 05:29 AM   #138
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My husband drinks LC beer on weekends and usually gains some water weight from it. I drink vodka in diet pop and it doesn't affect me unless I skip my water. I had 3 or 4 drinks each day this weekend and lost 2 lbs.

The biggest danger with alcohol, for me, is that I don't care what I eat after I have about 4 drinks.
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Old 11-19-2012, 07:42 AM   #139
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It's definitely having a stalling effect - I'm still at 313.2 (just like I was on Saturday morning) And if I did kick myself out of ketosis, it'll be 2 or 3 days before I even start to lose weight again.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:21 PM   #140
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The biggest danger with alcohol, for me, is that I don't care what I eat after I have about 4 drinks.
I think that I am given to a sort of ideological zealotry that makes it easy for me to internalize edicts of self-improvement. You are right, though, When you are drunk you will do what you want to do. If any part of you wants to eat carbs, that's when you'll find the excuse to do it.

For me, high carb foods are right off the table. I don't want them, I won't want them, and I refuse to eat them. I've had to rewrite my software a bit, in order to bring it about, but I don't feel the slightest temptation when confronted with carby foods. Carby foods kill ketosis, and cause water gain. A single pizza costs two weeks of weight loss - a week to get back to ketosis and undo the damage, and another week for the time that you were breaking even instead of forging new downward territory.

It is without exaggeration that I say it is not even slightly tempting.

And that's why I can stay low carb while I'm hammered. I've internalized the behavior. Even drunk, I looked up every ingredient in every drink before ordering. VLC is an elemental component of my personality now.

I haven't lost a pound since Saturday. Sunday and Monday were both old territory (314, 313). I feel good today, though. I think tomorrow will kick off my continued weight loss.

And if it doesn't?

There's always the next day
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Old 11-20-2012, 02:51 AM   #141
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Z, I love your attitude and wish I had your ideological zealotry! You will start losing today. Sometimes your body needs day or two to adjust. Do you have good plans for Thanksgiving? I'm going to my sister's house and she is gourmet chef -- so I am bringing plenty of options to help me navigate the carb bacchanal that she will serve. I'm bringing appetizers (shrimp cocktail, spiced nuts, charcuterie and cheeses -- plus high carb stuff that I won't mention) and some side dishes (creamed spinach, sauteed green beans in garlic and ginger). Hell to the no to potatoes, stuffing and pie.

Hope you have great day today.
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Old 11-21-2012, 12:05 AM   #142
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Z, I love your attitude and wish I had your ideological zealotry!
You're always so complimentary, GailyGail

I have trouble with compliments, because people tend to read more into them than I intend. However, for what it's worth, I wish I had your photographer. The slightly off center gray-scale gradient background really amplifies the sort of fun and mischievous 'corner of the eye lookover' you're doing there. Your avatar transcends mere portraitry, and veers towards a kind of hyperrealism to become art. It is a very expressive picture.

To be honest,though, I don't think it would matter if I had your photographer. I think the main factor of your photographer's success, is that they started off by pointing the lens at you

Tuesday morning - still 313.2.

Some people would call that a stall - I call it a lull. I still feel like I'm going to hit 310 by Sunday. And if I'm wrong, y'all can laugh at me - until I hit 310 a few days later.

It's not a matter of if, anymore. It is a matter of when. I can't imagine that I won't be back to losing weight by Thursday. My Weekly weigh-in is Saturday morning - the chart doesn't lie.

Whatever my numbers, I will continue to report them transparently.

Either way - I'm having a great day, a great week, and a great month. It's all adding up to be a hell of a year, and with a bit of luck, my efforts today are going to set the tone for the rest of the decade.

There's two ways to look at it, I guess.

1. I haven't lost weight for three days straight.
That's kind of a drag. I don't think I've got the endurance to live my life thinking that way.

2. I am currently at the lowest weight I've been at in 2 years.
And 2 years ago, it didn't stick and I shot right back up. I've actually turned the clock back 5 years, and it's dropping faster than I have any right to expect.
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Old 11-21-2012, 03:20 AM   #143
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Z, very soon, you will most likely experience what they call a "whoosh" -- a major weight loss of 2-4 pounds that comes after a period of no weight loss. Apparently it is very common in low carb dieting. Your night of debauchery was not that bad to cause a major stall so I think you will be heading to the valley of weight loss very soon.

That being said, CONGRATULATIONS on your weight loss and being at your lowest weight in two years. That in and of itself is a huge milestone.

Thank you for the kind words about my photo -- it was taken about two years ago for my company's website. A fabulous photographer in San Francisco took it -- she is super talented so I can't take any credit for it!
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Old 11-21-2012, 05:35 AM   #144
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Hi Z, these lulls are pretty common and, as GailyGail mentioned, you'll no doubt experience a nice woosh very soon. And look at what you've accomplished so far!

But I can relate! I've been losing and regaining the same couple of pounds for weeks now. It's a little frustrating, but when I look at the bigger picture I know I'm still moving downward toward my goal, and my pants are too loose, so I am losing inches whatever the scale says.
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Old 11-21-2012, 09:46 AM   #145
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Hi Z:

Just popped by to catch up and see how you're doing! Congratulations on your weight loss--you're doing fabulously!

Have you ever shared your height? I started out at 355 and I'm only 5'4"...
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Old 11-21-2012, 04:32 PM   #146
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Alcohol doesn't affect me unless I drink too many calories. And I am always in ketosis, even when drinking.
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Old 11-21-2012, 04:53 PM   #147
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Melle's_Sweetheart View Post
Hi Z:

Just popped by to catch up and see how you're doing! Congratulations on your weight loss--you're doing fabulously!

Have you ever shared your height? I started out at 355 and I'm only 5'4"...
5'10"

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Old 11-22-2012, 07:16 AM   #148
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312.2
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Old 11-22-2012, 01:11 PM   #149
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Aww, man - it won't let me edit. I went back to sleep and woke up 1.2 pounds lighter.

111.0

So I guess my experiment shows that a wild night of debauchery is worth 4 solid days of stall - more if you go overboard and put on a bunch of weight from eating carbs.

No matter - I had fun. and I'm going to be one of the only people in the US to lose weight on Black Friday.
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Old 11-22-2012, 01:43 PM   #150
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Z View Post
Aww, man - it won't let me edit. I went back to sleep and woke up 1.2 pounds lighter.

111.0

So I guess my experiment shows that a wild night of debauchery is worth 4 solid days of stall - more if you go overboard and put on a bunch of weight from eating carbs.

No matter - I had fun. and I'm going to be one of the only people in the US to lose weight on Black Friday.
Nice nap!!!
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