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Old 06-26-2013, 06:56 AM   #481
Z
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Wow - This was a lot more response than I anticipated for an admission of failure

Quote:
Originally Posted by GailyGail View Post
Z, you are so back on track with a vengeance -- and what a beautiful thing! Your setback was both short and temporary. In fact, I can feel your steely resolve coming back right through my laptop. You are back on the horse and already galloping away into the sunset -- God Bless and Godspeed!
Thanks - it's good to know you're keeping an eye out. And thanks for your kind words in the other thread.

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Originally Posted by Aleina View Post
Hello, first time reader here. I have only nosed around a little but I like your style of writing. I will be back to read more.
I am glad to hear that you got yourself back on track and writing about it.
Kudos!
Thanks for stopping by - I'm glad to hear you've enjoyed what you've read so far.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rubidoux View Post
Woo hoo!!! Awesome before and afters! You look great!

I was just stopping in to gawk, but I'm gonna come back and read later.
Thanks for checking out my thread - It's nice to be in that place where I've finally lost enough weight for it to be readily apparent.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trillex View Post
Hello! Dairy Queen pointed those of us over in the Atkins Induction forum to your journal a while back, when you posted your updated photo. So I'm an occasional reader, although I haven't commented prior to now. I was just pointed to your journal again today, from a thread in the Main Lobby.

With regard to your recent slip, I just want to share something that a buddy told me when I first started my Atkins program last May. He said, "The food won't beat you. But you've gotta look out and make sure that you won't beat yourself with food."

My buddy and I are the only two people in our social circle that have ever been obese. My buddy was very obese his whole life and then he got into bodybuilding and completely changed his body composition. So -- in our shared social circle, which is filled with competitive bodybuilders -- he's that ONE PERSON in my life who understood what I was facing. He understood it better than I did when I started this journey! Because I didn't *get it* when he first told me not to "beat" myself with food -- I was, like, "Yeah. Yeah, whatever..." Because I had just started the diet and I was really excited. And I was thinking NOTHING can stop me because I'm soooo determined. And I was eating meat and cheese on this diet, and thinking I was just too far above it all to get into any trouble. But then, when the holidays came, I was about six months into Atkins and I finally *got* what my buddy meant.

Holiday corn -- which is a special dish in my culture -- and homemade holiday desserts were everywhere. And everybody in my family is healthy-weight and they were all eating like the food was a blessing. And I'm *the fat one* sitting there thinking, "What am I? Why am I in this bizarre nightmare?" And I thought, right then, about what my buddy told me and it FINALLY made sense: It's not about the food. I *knew* that none of that off-plan food would do anything good for me. But I still had a perverse instinct -- maybe from habit? -- to be a part of the family, to be a part of the celebration by eating what was on the table.

But my buddy's observation saved me from myself. His observation helped me see that eating things that I *knew* would hurt my progress would be me "beating" myself. I couldn't do it. I couldn't pick up that brick and hit myself with it. I don't know if you'll *feel* this comment the way I felt it. But I wanted to share it with you because I'm so grateful that it was shared with me. I'm lucky to have a lot of support from my family and friends, but this simple comment helped me support *myself* when I've needed it.

Cheers! And congratulations for not letting anything about this situation beat you!
Thanks for sharing! You're right - food never held me down and jumped down my gullet. The food can't beat me. Only I can do that. I'm always a bit amazed when I hear from the number of people who have been referred here from other threads - even other sites. I am writing primarily to help formulate my own thoughts on the process, but I am also hoping that whatever results might befall me in the long run, others might benefit from my experience. Which is not to say that I have more experience than others - quite the contrary. The more I write and the more feedback I get, the more I realize how much the similarities in our experiences outweigh the differences - and so many of those purported differences are really hidden similarities borne of an unwillingness to let go of some aspect of our old dietary habits.

It is my earnest hope that keeping as unbiased a chronicle as possible will help to de-isolate others. It might serve my ego better to write only of the victories, to paint myself under the kindest possible light - but it denies the cost of those victories, and the admission that dealing with defeat along the way is an inescapable part of the journey towards success.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DesertGurl View Post
Was wondering where you'd wandered off to. While I haven't posted here, I do read ( I like your writing style!) to see what sort of wonderful things you're up to! Thank you for being honest, thank you for putting it all out there. I have stumbled around in the dark for darn near a year now unable to get anything right, but I'm getting closer...I can feel it! Thanks to you and the wonderful people on this board. Take care, and back on the horse, my friend
I'll tell you - I've never really considered myself a writer, but I'm hearing more and more that people like my writing style. You guys keep it up and I might be tempted to write a book

I just don't know what I'd write about.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SlowSure View Post
Absolutely agreed on the necessity of hickory smoke as an addition.
I've found that chili powder in conjunction with a bit of liquid hickory smoke makes everything taste like BBQ potato chips.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Terri B View Post
Z. . . you said it. . . so much more eloquently than I ever could. Let's all keep our "backslides" out there so we can help each other!
Self-honesty and honesty with others seems to be a universal component of any act of change. Dishonesty is the shadow in which we hide the things that confound our efforts to improve.

Quote:
Originally Posted by scalestepper View Post
WTG Z! I don't post often but I'm in your fan club!
Thanks for stopping by. It really warms my heart to see all of the positive response I've gotten here. I mean... who doesn't want to hear that they've got a fan club

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Originally Posted by Marvin View Post
Z,
Your story sounds very much like mine, right down to the stumbles.

I find your honesty incredibly startling, and incredibly refreshing. I believe that you have distilled the very essence of the difficulty of this journey we are on. But more importantly, you have captured the key to moving forward. It is the moment NOW.

I love your line, "Life sucks? Get a helmet." I'd like to borrow it for my signature line (with proper credit, of course).
I don't know that I can take credit for that quote. All I changed was the punctuation. But to be clear, anyone is welcome to quote anything I've said.

Nothing has ever been accomplished by feeling sorry for oneself. But it's a trap we all fall into from time to time. Sometimes the best answer is to cowboy up, walk it off, and stop using self-pity as an excuse to fail.

I think that there is a tendency for us to deny the embarrassing aspects of being overweight. Ironically, I believe that this only serves to isolate us from each other - as we are already isolated from much of the rest of the world. The thousand embarrassing little factoids that separates us from "normal people" should be precisely the things that bring us together in solidarity. And until people are willing to be honest with each other about the less glamorous aspects of obesity (thigh friction zits, low energy, limited visibility 'below the equator', short arms in the bathroom, limited flexibility, gaining weight even when we starve ourselves, constant sweating, washing twice as hard because we feel self conscious to a crippling extent, workplace discrimination...) - until we can be honest with each other about these things, we will always be isolated in this struggle.

Just as there is no place for pride in this journey, there can be no room for shame either. If we can face these truths together, we will be better prepared to confront them, together.

Knowing why we choose to change is just as important as knowing how.
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8/8/2012: 350
11/2/2013: 250.0
Rebound weight: 286
8/8/2014: 275 - time to recover lost ground

Shark Sandwich: One man's epic journey from fat to slightly less fat.
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Old 06-26-2013, 12:32 PM   #482
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I'm pretty sure I scoured all the postings, and still no explanation of the term "Shark Sandwich?" Care to elaborate, or will I now, by virtue of asking, "swim with the fishes?"
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Old 06-26-2013, 12:51 PM   #483
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marvin View Post
I'm pretty sure I scoured all the postings, and still no explanation of the term "Shark Sandwich?" Care to elaborate, or will I now, by virtue of asking, "swim with the fishes?"
It's a reference to the movie "This is Spinal Tap"

A youtube search for Shark Sandwich will bring up the relevant scene.
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Old 06-26-2013, 02:54 PM   #484
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Z View Post
It's a reference to the movie "This is Spinal Tap"

A youtube search for Shark Sandwich will bring up the relevant scene.
Yes, I can see why you pointed me to YouTube instead of answering it yourself.
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Old 06-27-2013, 05:32 AM   #485
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I have been lurking around these forums for a while now without registering but have joined so I can let you know how great your journal is. Being British I completely get your humour, self deprecation and sarcasm is kind of a national pastime for us. I haven't read all the posts yet as there are quite a few but I'll work my way through bit by bit.

Great progress on the weightloss...looking good!
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Old 07-06-2013, 07:43 AM   #486
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Thanks for stopping by, Louise!

Having stayed carb-clean for several days now, I am in now enjoying peak withdrawals. There is a head to toe sensation of missing... something. It really is exactly like quitting smoking was for me. Every time.

I'm starting to think that maybe I should try to internalize some of the same lessons.

For now, though, I haven't derailed entirely. I'm back on track and making my way through the first few weeks until normalcy returns. It's funny how long two weeks can be...

Time to hit the gym. I'm almost back under 270. If I can keep my focus, I just might be able to hit 250 by September. And if I don't? There's a lot of time after september to hit my 100 pound mark.
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Old 07-06-2013, 01:43 PM   #487
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Congratulations Z!!! You look fabulous and I love your attitude and fortitude.
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Old 07-08-2013, 03:15 PM   #488
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Wanted to mark my spot! Hello, congrats and good luck on continuing to maintain your woe.
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Old 07-09-2013, 05:10 AM   #489
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Z View Post
I've found that chili powder in conjunction with a bit of liquid hickory smoke makes everything taste like BBQ potato chips.
I dehydrate a lot of vegetables and make crisps/chips out of some mixtures, and I usually add hot sauce or chill powder and liquid smoke to those in an attempt to produce a BBQ flavour.

I've just finished drying a batch of aubergine with sweet Chilean spices and liquid hickory smoke but, courtesy of DH whom I'd asked to test them to see if the drier needed to be turned off, I don't seem to have nearly as many as I recall putting in to dry yesterday.
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Old 07-09-2013, 06:00 PM   #490
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Congrats on your loss so far and for recovering from a fumble Z. I've been off track for the last few months, and when I was thinking about hauling myself back onto the wagon I loved to read this thread. Inspirational
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Old 07-10-2013, 07:55 AM   #491
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Hang in there, Z-meister
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Old 07-10-2013, 12:24 PM   #492
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Natural Talent.

Still on track, foodwise, though I'm not seeing the results I want to see quite yet. Still, I'm sitting comfortably around 271, and I'm not getting any worse. It might take up to a month before I start seeing the movement on the scale I'm looking for. It's going to take a lot of todays to get to the tomorrow I want. Impatience is the first step towards failure.

Candy bars, pizza, and saffron rice live in the right now. These are 'today' things, and I cannot deny that these things are enjoyable.

Good health, and a slim, flexible, muscular body live (for me at least) in the future. These are delayed gratifications. And they will be far more enjoyable than all of the instant gratifications I might ever accrue. Because an instant gratification is gone as soon as you've had it.


I have always been offended by the concept of natural talent. I'll play my guitar or do a bit of singing, and someone will say "wow - you're lucky to be so gifted..."

You caught me. I accomplished all this with nothing but pure talent...

...and decades of arduous practice, research and repetition.

The problem with the concept of talent is that it denies all of the effort I put into learning these things. It's effectively an insult. The person who damns you as being talented is saying 'you're only this inherently this good, and not through any measure of effort on your end'. In their eyes, it is not an accomplishment to be good at something, but simply a state of being - like being tall, or born on a Tuesday. Only a very simple person is proud of things over which they had no control. Like a 3-year-old who is proud to be an American. He really hasn't done anything to be an American other than blindly happen to have been born here. Fortunes being slightly different, and that same 3-year-old would be running around telling everyone that he's "感到自豪的是中國". It isn't that he sees himself as great because of his accidental national affiliation, but rather that he needs to believe his nation of birth to be the best - because of its association with him.

This kind of pride is silly, clouds your judgement, and ultimately rings hollow. The kind of pride that is meaningful - useful even - is the sort that accompanies accomplishment through hard work. When through a process of sustained hard work you are able to make the near-impossible look easy. Through your own sweat, toil, and persistence you become the person that you wanted to be. And when people will tell you that you are talented, you will know better - That all accomplishments come at the same cost:

Practice, Sacrifice, and Dedication.

People will tell you that they wish they could do what you were doing - more than you could ever know... But if that was really true, they would have put the time into learning. At the root of every "talent", is an insurmountable desire to attain the unattainable. No matter their circumstances, the only person who cannot learn to do something is a person who will not try.

Sorry, I couldn't hear your counter-argument over the sound of this one handed guitarist


On the other flipside of that equation...

I'm learning to golf, and getting my money's worth by starting at the absolute beginning. I am living proof that there is such a thing as "natural talent", by virtue of somehow having less than no talent at all.

I know from experience that it will take me two years of endless practice to achieve baseline proficiency, and another two years to be within striking distance of "above average"

In the meantime, I am going to be phenomenally bad at golfing. Worse, somehow, than people who have never touched a golf club. Naturally untalented.

I'm ok with that. It has been my experience that only way to become good at something is to be bad at it for a long time.

There's a metaphor in there somewhere, but I'm going to let you fish it out for yourself.

Last edited by Z; 07-10-2013 at 12:29 PM..
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Old 07-12-2013, 09:18 AM   #493
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Z, golf is really, really hard. Everyone sucks at golf at first unless they are Tiger Woods. But enjoy the process and being outside as you learn to master it.
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Old 07-15-2013, 08:01 PM   #494
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I've spent the last two weeks negotiating an amicable separation from my wife of 15 years. mind you, 'amicable' doesn't equate to pleasant. It simply means that there is no animosity between us, and I haven't had a toaster thrown at my head.

I'll probably be offline and generally incommunicado for a few days.

I have no intention of running off to chomp on a pizza - but whatever happens this week... well, I will make no apologies. either way - it won't happen here.



Thanks for your understanding.
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Old 07-15-2013, 10:43 PM   #495
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Im sorry Z. Long distance relationship suck.


{{{Z}}}
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Old 07-16-2013, 05:49 AM   #496
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Z. . . we'll be here to pick you up when you return. And PLEASE do.
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Old 07-16-2013, 01:03 PM   #497
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Hey Z
I just read your first posting. that was a good read. One thing I must say you are right one must find what works for them. All systems are different. I welcome tips but insisting that your plan is better than mine I cannot tolerate. Ask TerriB about the annoying co-worker I use to have that insisted on spying on me (she is an advocate of traditional low fat diets and always have something negative snarky to say about the low carb woe). She would check my food in the microwave. I come back to kitchen and find the lid open;anyway she is out of my life now. But I remember putting her in her place one morning when she was being nosy quizzing me on my breakfast choices. Here is a short scenario I pull out an egg she would say what's that. I would say that's an egg... Anyway, frustrated one day I told her without concern "oh just go eat your jelly donut and leave me alone" the look on her face as she was not expecting that

Anyway, best wishes to you! We will be here for you.
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2013 less than 219 2014 weigh in 1/21 234
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Resuming the journey to Onederland I tell ya itsa slow train! PATIENCE!
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Old 07-19-2013, 08:00 PM   #498
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A few days ago I was having a last dinner with my now estranged wife, before sending her back to Seattle. I took her to a nice Middle Eastern place here in Tucson.

Having just made it back under 270, I wanted to be careful with my intake - unfortunate circumstances be damned. I scoured the menu for the right decision. What I came across was lamb Kabsa, a dish billed as "A traditional Bedouin dish cooked with sautéed diced onions, tomato, bell peppers, garlic & special herbs, served with yogurt."

OK, the yogurt sauce might not be strictly on point, but I can just leave it on the side. It sounded like the perfect low carb option.

What I received was a plate that looked like this:



Not being one to ever send a dish back (and certainly not one to insult foods from other cultures), I ate about a quarter if it.

I should have asked in the beginning. I should have swallowed my dumb American pride and asked the waiter for options that didn't involve rice. I even overheard them talking about nutrition at a pretty advanced level - they totally would have known how to handle a low carb diet.

worst part... if I knew I was going to be stuck eating carbs, I would have gotten something better.
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Old 07-22-2013, 07:11 AM   #499
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Z.... You've recovered from worse carb-fests that this. Sucks that you didn't feel like you had a choice though. I've done some rice carb-fests. DANG. so good!
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Old 07-22-2013, 09:12 AM   #500
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Not to worry - My little nervous breakdown comes with an expiration date.
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Old 08-20-2013, 06:54 AM   #501
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Hello? How are you doing?
Just concerned about you....
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Old 08-20-2013, 11:44 AM   #502
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Doing well and eating clean. Thanks for asking.
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Old 08-20-2013, 12:41 PM   #503
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I guess your fan club is just not used to you being a "man of few words". Hope your situation is healing and I look forward to your prolific writing.
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Old 08-21-2013, 07:15 AM   #504
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Z, I hope you are doing well. We are thinking of you and we miss you. Sending good vibes your way. xo xo xo
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Old 08-24-2013, 04:40 AM   #505
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270.2

I'm almost back to the 260s. I've been slavishly devoted to keeping my daily carb count below 20.

Work makes this difficult.

I skipped the chicken dinner with the director - which is a good thing, because they didn't pick up any grilled chicken which despite the maltodextrin is safe in moderation. Obviously, fried chicken is off the menu. And no, I can't just pull the skin off it. I'm not an animal. Also I hate chicken. A large amount of food from the august employee appreciation lunches are being set aside for thirds (Third shift = 4 people). This week was Italian food. 7 kinds of pasta, 3 kinds of bread, Cannoli, a bucket of tiramisu and a salad so anemic that I think it got a sunburn from the overhead lights. Bagged iceberg. Croutons. And even the "salad" has bread in it. In the freezer are 30 ice cream bars set aside for thirds. There are no fewer than 10 well-stocked public domain candy bowls on this floor alone

Today, One of the offsite people was in town and heading back and didn't want his hotel snack stash to go to waste. I found a bag of peanut butter, jelly, ritz crackers, doritos, bread, and a box macaroni and cheese (along with 3 cans of Dr. Pepper) in my cube.

None of this is done in a mean spirited way - and indeed, many of these things are overt gestures of kindness. But the fact remains, this diet will always present as a conflict to others.

I can't eat every birthday cake, or every pie, or every special recipe. it's not always easy, but the results are worth it. I lost footing a few times in a row. Eventually a stumble becomes a crash.

But I've been solid for about 3 weeks now, and I've been locking it down to stay more and more on course.

Causality is simple here - easy to observe. Eat carbs, retain water and start gaining weight. Stop eating carbs and get back into ketosis - and I lose the water and eventually the fat.

I'm making my end of the year run. I'm heading back to the 260s - soon. probably tomorrow. By the end of the year, I'm hoping to hit 250. I anticipate losing a few pounds when I head out to play 18 holes this monday - it's a remarkably taxing sport, when it's 100 degrees outside. Also when you are as bad as I am.
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Old 08-24-2013, 06:13 AM   #506
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Z, good for you for resisting all of the goodies at work. Your description of the anemic salad cracked me up! I have seen so many pitiful sad-looking salads like that -- wilted/browned iceberg lettuce curled in a fetal position under the weight of stale croutons -- just begging for the sight of a cherry tomato, crisp cucumber or even a smidge of red onion or broccoli but to no avail. And the only dressing in site is a sugar-laded creamy italian.

It is so surprising to me that so many workplaces still have lots of unhealthy food around -- this is prevalent everywhere you go. And it is hard to run away from it -- it is just so embedded in our culture. At my office, we get a weekly delivery of fresh organic fruits and vegetables and they also stock the fridge with low sugar Greek yogurt. Mind you, we still have the bad stuff too -- bags of chips, cookies, popcorn, crackers, ice cream bars, bagels, english muffins, etc. In spite of all the healthy food around, most of the employees still gravitate to the cereal, bagels, cookies and chips. So there you have it.

You sound like you are doing really well and I love your steely resolve -- please bottle it and send some to me! Golf will start to get easier for you -- it is a hard sport but you will get better with time and practice. And Arizona is the perfect place for you to perfect your swing!
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Old 08-25-2013, 02:22 PM   #507
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Hi Z!

At work and other social situations I tell people I have a health issues that prevents me from eating certain foods.

Would that work for you?
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Old 08-26-2013, 08:00 AM   #508
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The last company provided lunch last Monday, was from a local place called
Whole Hog Cafe. They specialize in barbeque chicken, pulled pork and brisket. The have a bunch of delicious sides, but what a PLEASURE for me to LOAD MY PLATE with a bunch of shredded pork, and delectable slices of brisket. With only a smidge of bbq sauce, I was in low-carb-free-company-lunch HEAVEN!!
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Old 08-27-2013, 11:14 PM   #509
Z
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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I hit 268 today, which means I'm into the 260's for the third time. The pitfalls were avoidable, but I found myself in a position where losing weight simply wasn't a priority for a while.

It has taken me a month or so to recover from a handful of potholes (and doughnut holes), but I'm back at it with a goal of hitting 250 by december 31. No more off days. No more exceptions. I said before that I wouldn't apologize for my lapse, and I won't - but having passed that, losing weight is my primary goal.

That means I'm keeping my office refrigerator stocked with heavy cream (the artificial stuff is loaded with sugar), and I'm reading every package - and avoiding foods for which information is not immediately available.

And, of course, Eggs & butter.

Fried Eggs, Scrambled eggs, baked eggs, boiled eggs...

Working nights makes things difficult - Nothing is open, and the only thing that delivers is pizza. So I have to bring lunch to work with me. The biggest threat to my success is being hungry at work. The vending machines are loaded with noodles and candy. There's usually leftovers from some lunch - but never anything that's carb friendly. Being hungry at work leaves me in a terrible position.

Unfortunately, eggs don't keep well for later re-warming. Still, it might become necessary to cook up a dozen eggs in the morning (8pm) and bring a ziplock bag to work with me - otherwise, it's fried chicken, and pesto pasta, and mashed potatoes with double cornstarch gravy, and ice cream bars and snickers, and an IV full of corn syrup - because once you've knocked yourself out of ketosis, you might as well go all out.
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Old 08-28-2013, 12:57 AM   #510
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We reheat spinach and mushroom quiche all the time without a problem. We use the recipe from Linda's Low Carb site and I usually add in a little ham, bacon or sausage to the recipe. It's wonderful on it's own but we just like that something extra. It's very filling too.
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