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-   -   PO'D but back with a vengeance. (http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/weight-loss-journals/786817-pod-but-back-vengeance.html)

Melle's_Sweetheart 10-18-2012 05:49 AM

PO'D but back with a vengeance.
 
Hi all....remember me?

I haven't been here for a while...well, at least, not in a capacity of TRUTH.

I've been lying to myself for the last 8 years, going on and off low carb, thinking I could beat the system, cheating, using excuses like "eating carbs on weekends kickstarts weightloss". RIGHT. That's all baloney. That mentality has helped me gain a whopping 70 lbs in 8 years AND 100lbs in 10 years. Wonderful.

Just like my divorce in 2003, I woke up this morning and said "today is the day". I weighed myself---355 lbs and I have committed to my weight loss. NO MORE SILLY EXCUSES.

Having succeeded in almost EVERYTHING in life, I can't believe that I've allowed my eating to cheat me out of the ability to have a child. Now that I've given up on that dream and received a promotion at work, I will NOT allow this bloody weight to screw up my promotion, too. My work now consists of travel and I just can't handle airplane travel at my weight.

I have all the tools I need to do this, so I will NOT allow my own bad attitude and my own lies to myself to derail my efforts.

This post is meant to announce my re-dedication to my low carb lifestyle and to show all the members who told me to beware "small cheats" that they were absolutely right. (Y'all know who you are!)

In 7 months I have to do a cross country trip. If I could lose 70 lbs by then, I'd be over the moon....but anything is better than gaining. I can't AFFORD to gain more--there's no more room to put all the bloody fat!

Gabby1 10-18-2012 05:53 AM

Well, Ok then!

What are your first steps?
How are you preparing yourself for this journey?

Melle's_Sweetheart 10-18-2012 06:04 AM

Thanks for responding!

I just came back to add a couple of things that will probably answer your questions!

I binge on sweets and I don't mean I have an extra piece of cake once in a while...I mean, I go to the bulk food store and buy 4 lbs of Hershey kisses and eat them in a day. I also buy 4 cupcakes and eat them before dinner....nearly every day, I feel that I need to "stock up" on sweets before to go to work because I hate the feeling of craving them and not having anything to snack on.

SO, how am I preparing for this?

I KNOW that I don't NEED sweets. I know that ketosis completely erases that psychological push to eat sugar, so I'm doing a meat/egg fast for three days so I can quickly get into ketosis.

I came into work this morning and informed everyone that I'm not eating sweets any longer. I feel accountable because they all know that I've recommitted to eating healthy.

I also told my H that I'm not playing around any longer. He prepares my lunch and dinner so I've told him that I'm to have eggs for breakfast and lunch until Saturday.

Two years ago, I saw a psychologist about my binge eating. She determined that it was caused by unresolved issues with my family of origin. I feel that I've dealt with that, but I also had an ectopic pregnancy that thew me for a loop. I feel that I've dealt with the sorrow of my failed pregnancy AND I've made peace with the idea that I'll never have my own children so there is absolutely no excuse to continue self-medicating with food.

ETA: Just remembered what I wanted to say....I'm prepared for the induction flu. It always happens to me (no wonder, considering how carbed up I am).....

Wilbur 10-18-2012 06:38 AM

Way to go! I adore your militant attitude. :)

Gabby1 10-18-2012 06:44 AM

You sound very motivated!

Some unsolicited suggestions for you:

1. In addition to your meat and egg fast for the next three days, may I also suggest that you post on this board every day for the next three days, to help you get over this first hurdle?

2. Could you try to be extra gentle with yourself for the next three days? (Well, really for the next two weeks, because induction flu can take a little time to resolve fully.) Tend to yourself like you would a sick friend. Lots of soothing words, mugs of hot salty broth, take to your bed, read some mags, watch some videos. Your body is going to be suffering a bit. It's done its best for you and now you are changing the rules on it!

3. And after the three days are up, could you maybe treat yourself to something really special- like a massage or facial? Something to thank your body for all the hard work it just went through? Schedule it now- maybe it will give you a little something to look forward to during the days ahead?

Leslie

Melle's_Sweetheart 10-18-2012 07:03 AM

Quote:

Way to go! I adore your militant attitude
Thanks!

Anger is the only thing that works for me. I can't do "pity parties".

Quote:

Some unsolicited suggestions for you:
I have no issue at all with advice--bring it on!

Quote:

In addition to your meat and egg fast for the next three days, may I also suggest that you post on this board every day for the next three days, to help you get over this first hurdle?
Yes, absolutely!

Quote:

Could you try to be extra gentle with yourself for the next three days? (Well, really for the next two weeks, because induction flu can take a little time to resolve fully.) Tend to yourself like you would a sick friend. Lots of soothing words, mugs of hot salty broth, take to your bed, read some mags, watch some videos. Your body is going to be suffering a bit. It's done its best for you and now you are changing the rules on it!
I'll try, but as I said, anger works best for me.

I have no one to blame but myself and I blame myself fully!

I'm ready for the misery of induction flu and I have some comforting things planned (a "me" day, if I need it over the weekend).

Quote:

And after the three days are up, could you maybe treat yourself to something really special- like a massage or facial?
Mani/Pedi is more my style--I think that sounds like a great idea!

Thank you!

FindingMyWay 10-18-2012 07:12 AM

You might try having a cup of hot bouillon a couple times a day to help ease your transition. Best of luck! You can do this!!

LiterateGriffin 10-18-2012 07:14 AM

You crave sweets?

Try eating pickles, instead! Kosher dill, and read the label to make sure no sweeteners... I know. It's not remotely what you want. Try it anyway. What do you have to lose, right? ;)

Annalissa 10-18-2012 07:25 AM

Way to go! So nice to read this motivating post this morning.

You have a great attitude and will doubtless reach your goals!

I use low carb protein shakes sometimes to kill my sweet cravings, although I have to admit I have the occasional piece of cake.

abby! 10-18-2012 07:33 AM

You can do it. You sound like an amazing, motivated person. The cravings will get bad but come here and vent or eat the pickle or an egg but DO NO TOUCH sweets or other carbs. Throw out whatever you have at home. This is about your health. We are pulling for you!!!!

Gretalyn 10-18-2012 07:37 AM

I'm cheering for you! Check in here as often as you reasonably can - I find that it helps keep me motivated. Another thing that helps me personally is to listen to Jimmy Moore's podcasts. He's got a virtually unlimited supply of them, which is nice. I listen to them while I walk, while I do household chores, etc. If you have a more modern car than mine which allows you to play your mp3 or iPod through the car's speakers, listen to them on your way to work. I think it's great that you've told your co-workers and the people here what you're doing. The more you immerse yourself in the lifestyle, the less effort it takes to keep living it.

I think it is wonderful that you were able to get some help in finding the psychological roots of your eating issues. But don't forget that there is a huge biochemical/physical cause as well. Wheat and sugar are addictive substances. Some of us have to think of them the same way we would an illicit drug or alcohol or cigarettes or whatever. Moderation may not be an option. I tend to have an "all or nothing" type personality, and so I've decided that with grains and sugar, it has to be nothing. Period. No negotiating. No compromising. No cheating. When I cheat, I only cheat myself out of my health and my quality of life.

Amity79 10-18-2012 07:49 AM

Good for you! I am at 280 after coming down from the high 300's and I have been stuck for over a year....almost 2 years. Time to get cracking and get it off for good.

I am starting this weekend....need to prepare, clear out the kitchen first and train hubby cause he makes my meals as well.

Let me know if you want a buddy!

HappyHappyJoyJoy 10-18-2012 08:13 AM

First of all, YOU CAN DO IT!!

Have you seen the book, The Diet Cure by Julia Ross? She has got some great ideas for using supplements to combat cravings - especially sweets and carbs. One of them is taking 1000-2000 mg of L-glutamine on an empty stomach and then wait 20-30 minutes before you eat. It really helps. Check out her book, it may really help you.

Also, if you can, read Wheat Belly by Dr. William Davis. It will knock your socks off and get rid of a lot of personal blame. Basically, the food geneticists have doctored with the wheat supply so it is a far cry from its original self back in the 50s and now has some VERY ADDICTIVE properties. Wonder why you crave carbs? This is why. Also, they've put wheat in EVERYTHING (including lipstick!). Couple that with our friends Big Sugar who have high fructose corn syrup in everything also and it's no wonder that it's practically impossible to have moderation with any processed foods.

Wheat Belly has been one of the most life changing books I have ever read since it really got through to me that these (wheat and sugar) were addictive substances that I am not able to control myself around. And I don't need to blame myself because the wheat has been genetically altered and has addictive properties. I felt so freed by this news!

Be kind to yourself, especially the next few days! But also, as you go through the induction flu, maybe ask yourself, how can these foods I've eaten be good for me if I have to withdrawl from them, like I'm an addict? Nobody withdrawls from salad, right? What about celery? Meat? Cheese? When you think about it that way, it kind of changes the game.

Good luck! We're here for you! This board is amazing, with so much kindness and support! HUGS!!:hugs:

Yvonnem2000 10-18-2012 08:55 AM

Hey, I don't have much to add to the wonderful advice you've been given here. But I just wanted to say I'm rooting for you, too. You've tackled other hurdles in your life. Now you're ready for this one. Have a healthy day!

livinlarge 10-18-2012 09:01 AM

I LOVE your motivation, dedication and attitude! Go get em!!!!!!

mom23kids 10-18-2012 09:13 AM

Welcome back! I'm new to lc eating but going into this I had elevated sugar numbers. Eating lc is a preventative of getting diabetes for me. I also love sugar/sweet treats like you do, but I picked a lc plan that restricts my daily intake to 15 grams a day or less. It's really been eye opening about all the hidden sugar that's out there. It's easy to look at a cupcake and know that it's loaded with sugar, but who would think one cup of milk has 12 grams of sugar?! And sugar really does affect our weight. If you haven't already read it, I highly recommend Jorge Cruise's book The Belly Fat Cure. I'm following his plan and I'm seeing major results already :)

I can't wait to hear about your progress in the upcoming months :high5:

Jacksie 10-18-2012 09:19 AM

I enjoyed reading your post very much. I know you are determined and I believe you will succeed because you know what it takes. One day at a time. Post often, we are all here supporting you on. Congrats on your promotion!

Starla

Melle's_Sweetheart 10-18-2012 09:42 AM

Thanks to all of you for your kind and encouraging words!

I'm glad that you've suggested a few books to read---the last low carb book I read was Good Calories, Bad Calories and it was very informative. Thankfully, people are much more open to low carb diets now---10 years ago, one of the biggest de-motivators for me was the amount of people trying to convince me that I'd die of a heart attack from eating too much protein.

I understand sugar as an addictive agent, but try to convince people! When I watch Intervention and I hear the excuses that addicted people make about taking drugs, it reminds me of how I justify eating cupcakes for dinner. Sugar is a drug---and yes, it's in EVERYTHING.

A few years back, I read on a forum that one of the fast food chains injected sugar syrup into their chicken breasts to make them juicy! Also--good old IHOP and their omelettes with pancake batter! Gross.

I survived through breakfast, now I'm finished lunch. So far, so good! :sing:

Gabby1 10-18-2012 10:14 AM

That's right- one meal at a time...

We are all rooting for you! :kicking:

Jennyl 10-18-2012 10:17 AM

you can do this! One thing that helps keep me on track is having some of my favorite low carb foods on hand. I love making a big batch of buffalo wings with blue cheese dressing.

princessmommy 10-18-2012 10:47 AM

Whoo Hooo! LOVE your attitude! One day at a time and if that's to hard try 1 Hr or 1 Minute at a time! We are ALL here to support and encourage you! You So Got this!

Melle's_Sweetheart 10-18-2012 11:07 AM

Quote:

You So Got this!
I hope you're right!

I've tried so many times before and just didn't get to my goal. For once, I just want to hit it out of the park!

drjlocarb 10-18-2012 11:21 AM

^^^^^^Kamikaze Atkins

:hyst:


Git outta her way world! :high5:

Melle's_Sweetheart 10-18-2012 12:00 PM

Quote:

Kamikaze Atkins
I cannot take credit for "Kamikaze Atkins".

My brother coined that phrase in 2002. He had quit smoking and gained about 35 lbs. We ended up going on Atkins together but he never ate vegetables--only meat, eggs and cheese. I would tell him that he had to eat veggies because they were good for him, but he'd say "I'm doing Kamikaze Atkins". LOL

:hyst:

brehede 10-18-2012 01:45 PM

Best of luck - you can definitely do this!
I completely understanding succeeding in other areas and continually failing at weight loss. I discovered many years ago that LC was the best WOE for me but still I could never stick at it. Finally - this year something has shifted and I am doing well (slowly) at low carb JUDDD.
The first couple of weeks are the hardest!
Dee

LolaBear 10-18-2012 01:50 PM

This is awesome! Good for you - you CAN do this! Come here for motivation and keep checking in - it's so important to have support from people who are in the same boat. Congrats for making the decision - and I, too, love "Kamikaze Atkins", ha! :)

eagle eye 10-18-2012 02:37 PM

I read a post on here that said STAY STRONG or STAY FAT!! It has motivated me . I have also failed and regained but the scale is finally moving in the right direction again. I highly recommend chromium and l glut amine for cravings and binge eating. Also, I'm taking CoQ10 and L carnitine and a multi. I have noticed a mood change for the better also. Look @ my stats. Your posts remind me so much of myself. Let's win this war against obesity together.

Melle's_Sweetheart 10-18-2012 07:18 PM

Day one--complete!

Thanks to all of you who stopped by to encourage me! I'm already feeling sick, YaY!

I want all the weight loss buddies as I can find, so PLEASE SEND ME A PRIVATE MSG if you want to be diet buds!

On to DAY TWO!

GreytMuse 10-19-2012 03:01 AM

Welcome back! :) You are in the right place, with a good mindset and lots of support. Keep posting, keep sharing and let us help you on this journey.

I second the suggestion to read Wheat Belly. It's been a HUGE eye-opener for my husband and I, and has helped change the way we look at food -- a much-needed awakening for us.

Melle's_Sweetheart 10-19-2012 05:27 AM

Day TWO!

I feel good today, I must say. :clap:

I'm drinking green tea, eating my underdeveloped chicken embryos and waiting for my feet to feel less swollen.

Woke up twice during the night to pee---that's a good sign for me.

Thanks for the book suggestions---I will read all of them.

To the person who suggested listening to Jimmy Moore's podcasts---I do that, already! I remember when Jimmy Moore had his "livin' la vida locarb" website---seems like a lifetime ago!


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