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Old 06-14-2013, 05:26 PM   #631
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I am so proud of you! How exciting!
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Old 06-15-2013, 03:47 PM   #632
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Start Date: Dec 1, 2003 (first time) 10/18/12 (last time)
Day 232

Thanks, BaconBit! I'm trying not to think about it too much. I don't want to be disappointed.

Today I helped my sister move. My husband did the heavy lifting. I mostly wiped down countertops and cleaned up small garbage, etc. It was a busy day and we just got home after being away for 10 hours.

Breakfast:
2 bacon and egg mcmuffin insides only
1 large decaf

Lunch:
Smoked sausage
Cheese
2 strawberries
1 big glass of water

Dinner:
1 ribeye steak
2 fried onions
1 diet soda
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Old 06-16-2013, 01:42 PM   #633
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Day 233

I have what feels like a sinus issue today. I'm light-headed, too....weird! Funny thing is, I'm as hungry as heck!

Breakfast:
3 fried eggs
4 strips bacon
1 cup decaf

Lunch:
1 french onion soup (no crouton)
Steak Fajitas, no rice, no tortillas
Diet soda

Dinner:
Probably none--I'm stuffed now.
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Old 06-17-2013, 06:02 AM   #634
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Day 234

I feel like warmed over crap this morning. You'd think after I slept/laid around most of yesterday that I'd feel great today, but I don't. Blah...and I have the most annoying cramps. Aunt Flo was due today, so I'm not sure if this is just a sign that she'll be arriving later in the week or what. Whatever it is, I'm not a happy camper.

Breakfast:
2 boiled eggs
1 cup decaf

Lunch:
3 boneless, skinless chicken thighs
1 cube of cheese
2 sugarless jello packs
1 diet soda

Dinner:
Chicken wings
__________________
Read about my 365 day blogging commitment: http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/we...vengeance.html

I can do this! I prove it EVERY DAY when I avoid sugar...

October 27, 2013 :: ONE YEAR BINGE free!

Progress photos posted on my blog!
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Old 06-18-2013, 04:42 AM   #635
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Day 235

Despite the fact that I'm having trouble sleeping, I actually FEEL much better than I have since I had my eggs retrieved. The pain in my abdomen has subsided to a point that I don't have to be careful when I move around in bed! In general, I just feel much better!

Breakfast:
2 boiled eggs
1 cup decaf
1 cup decaf (to drink at work)

Lunch:
2 slices of goat cheese
3 chicken thighs, boneless, skinless
Pepper spread
Sugarless Jello

Dinner:
*groan* Forgot to take something out of the freezer...will pick up something on the way home from supermarket--probably chicken
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Old 06-19-2013, 05:57 AM   #636
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Day 236

ANGRY, ANGRY, ANGRY!

I weighed in this morning at 304. What a piss off. I sure HOPE I'm pregnant because that would be the only justification for gaining 5 lbs in a week.

Breakfast:
2 boiled eggs
1 decaf coffee

Lunch:
200 g guacamole
3 Ryvita crackers
1 slice cheese
1 sugarless Jello
1 diet soda

Dinner:
1 veal chop
Mushrooms
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Old 06-19-2013, 06:39 AM   #637
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no anger. Think happy thoughts. I hope it's pregnancy. You knew your body was going to act weird for a while with all the medication so just relax and don't let this get to you. Keep strong!
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Old 06-20-2013, 04:44 AM   #638
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Day 237

Thanks, abby.

I keep waking up at night sweating and unable to sleep because of the heat. My husband (who always feels hot) is assuring me that the house is comfortable and in some cases he's COLD. If this is what menopause feels like, I want no part of it.

I'm really beginning to hate all the meds I have to take and all the things I've had to do. For the past month, I've had to take injections for 2 weeks, eat only liquids for 4 days, take suppositories for 2 weeks and have a doctor punch holes in my vaginal walls. I JUST stopped feeling pain from that procedure about 2 days ago.

I'm just really fed up with the whole process.

This morning I realized that if I'm not pregnant, it's a GOOD thing. For one, my husband is changing careers and in order to do that, he has to take some chances that he's not willing to take if we have a child, so he'll be free to take on new roles. Second, my sister will be having children in the next couple of years so I want to be free to be able to help her with her kids. She' s going to need help and support! Also--I HATE not being able to do things. My house is a mess, my hedges aren't trimmed and my garden needs weeding! My husband isn't capable of doing everything and it's really beginning to annoy me that I can't help! I feel USELESS.

Breakfast:
2 boiled eggs
1 cup decaf

Lunch:
200 g guacamole
4 Ryvita Crackers
1 diet soda

Dinner:
Flattened chicken
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Old 06-21-2013, 05:06 AM   #639
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Day 238

I had a wicked night terror last night. This is the grand-daddy of all night terrors. All I remember is screaming at the foot of my bed and my knees were shaking so badly, that I felt like I was going to collapse. It's a terrible feeling to wake up standing somewhere outside of your bed and to be terrified of what seems to be NOTHING.

Tonight I'm going to my sister in law's place to celebrate my brother's birthday. Should be fun--I think she's having tacos so I guess I'm having some kind of taco salad.

Breakfast:
2 boiled eggs
1 cup decaf

Lunch:
Leftover chicken wings
1 diet soda

Dinner:
Taco fillings
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Old 06-22-2013, 07:57 AM   #640
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Day 239

Ugh. I went to my brother's place last night for his birthday and my mother (as usual) was being very annoying. The house was wicked hot and with me already having hot flashes, I was really uncomfortable and irritable. My mother started doing this thing that I hate on a good day (while I'm having a conversation with someone else, she grabs my arm to get my attention). She did that and I flipped out and told her to stop touching me. Of course, instead of her immediately realizing (it's not like I haven't told her) that I have hot flashes and I'm irritable, she chose to play the victim and cry. My SIL tends to cater to my mom so I'm sure my mother expected that my sister in law would run to her and try to rectify the situation. WELL, my SIL is 3 months pregnant and I'm sure my mother has been driving her nuts, too. SIL didn't do anything. My mother stomped off to the couch and no one bought into her baloney. What a mess. One would assume that a mother would be more in tune with her daughter's problems. All my mother can do when I tell her that I'm not feeling well is tell me how terrible her pregnancies were. *sigh*...it's always all about her.

Breakfast:
3 egg omelette w/onions and tomatoes
1 cup decaf

Lunch:
Probably none

Dinner:
BBQ chicken
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Old 06-23-2013, 01:49 PM   #641
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Day 240

Took my Dad out for his belated Father's Day brunch today. It was nice. The weather was beautiful.

Also--yesterday I started spotting and today I have very bad cramping and large clots. (TMI? I dunno...) I'm thinking my pregnancy is a bust, but strangely, I'm not upset. I actually feel like this is a new beginning for me. I feel as committed as ever to eating right and losing weight and I REALLY want to get out there and DO things.

This two weeks of doing nothing but going to work and coming home to relax has really given me a bird's eye view into a life with children. I realized that I wouldn't be able to do housework, tend to my garden, go swimming or do anything else that I enjoy doing. My life would be dedicated to another human being. As much as it would have been wonderful to have children with my husband, if I can't do it, I just CAN'T. I can live the rest of my life just doing things that I want to do. It may just be too late to start new with a little one.

I guess I've just made peace with it. Good for me.

Brunch:
Salmon
Seafood
Oysters
Coffee

Dinner:
All beef hotdogs on the grill (no bun)
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Old 06-23-2013, 02:37 PM   #642
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Sending you a hug
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Old 06-24-2013, 07:28 AM   #643
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Sending a Big HUG too!
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Old 06-24-2013, 10:08 AM   #644
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Day 241

Thanks for the hugs, all!

I'm really ok. Tonight I'm taking my pregnancy test. I contacted the clinic and they suggested that I have it ASAP.

I didn't sleep much last night and as a result I'm really tired today.

I'll be curious to see if I've lost any weight once all my fluid retention and excess uterine lining is shed.

Breakfast:
2 boiled eggs
1 cup decaf

Lunch:
3 roasted chicken legs
3 strawberries
1 SF Jello
1 diet soda

Dinner:
1 trout filet
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Old 06-25-2013, 05:33 AM   #645
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Day 242

I slept well last night so I feel good today. I'm really busy today so I'm thankful that I was able to sleep so well.

Breakfast:
2 boiled eggs
1 decaf coffee

Lunch:
3 roasted chicken legs
1 SF Jello
1 diet soda

Dinner:
Chicken breast
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Old 06-25-2013, 10:14 AM   #646
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IVF FAIL.

Blah. My pregnancy test was a BFN (Big Fat Negative).

I'm officially done trying to be a mother. I never had any desire to be a mother until I was well into my 30's, so I'm just going to go back to being "childless me" and taking my life back.

I'm tired of feeling BAD about it. I REFUSE to feel any negative emotions at all. If my husband can't accept this, then he'd better just find himself a wife that can give him the child he wants.

Out of the game, officially.
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Old 06-26-2013, 05:12 AM   #647
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WOE: Kamikaze Atkin's
Start Date: Dec 1, 2003 (first time) 10/18/12 (last time)
Day 243

Weighed in this morning at 301.4. My hormonal weight is already coming off. I woke up about 5 times during the night to pee, so that's always a good sign that my fluid retention is letting up.

Another busy day at work, but at least we're coming up on a long holiday weekend! Thank goodness!

I found a recipe for low carb, flourless brownies online. I think I'm going to make them this weekend.

Breakfast:
2 boiled eggs
1 cup decaf

Lunch:
3 roasted chicken legs
5 strawberries
1 SF Jello
1 diet soda

Dinner:
1 sirloin steak
1 fried onion
1 diet soda
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Old 06-26-2013, 08:21 AM   #648
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Melle's_Sweetheart View Post
IVF FAIL.

Blah. My pregnancy test was a BFN (Big Fat Negative).

I'm officially done trying to be a mother. I never had any desire to be a mother until I was well into my 30's, so I'm just going to go back to being "childless me" and taking my life back.

I'm tired of feeling BAD about it. I REFUSE to feel any negative emotions at all. If my husband can't accept this, then he'd better just find himself a wife that can give him the child he wants.

Out of the game, officially.
You did everything you could and should be very proud. Its ok to mourn this but it's also perfectly ok not to feel bad. I'm really in awe of your strength and perseverance. I'm excited to see the next chapter for you!
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Old 06-27-2013, 08:13 AM   #649
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Day 244

Hi abby! Thanks for your support! I'm feeling very good today.

I decided to step on the scale, since I felt that my water retention was gone. I was very happy to see my weigh had fallen to 296.8! YAY! Even though it's Thursday, I changed my stats anyways.

Breakfast:
2 boiled eggs
1 decaf coffee

Lunch:
3 roasted chicken legs
1 SF Jello
4 strawberries
1 diet soda

Dinner:
Spaghetti Squash w/bacon
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Old 06-27-2013, 11:06 AM   #650
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YAY!!! That's almost 60 lbs. wonderful!
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Old 06-28-2013, 07:03 AM   #651
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Day 245

Thanks, Abby! I'm REALLY pumped! Today I'm wearing a pair of capri pants that I purchased in 2007 for 8 dollars. They are denim and I haven't been able to fit into them since 2007. I had lost weight that year but by the following year I had fallen off the wagon and they didn't fit anymore.

Hurray for me!

OH--last night I made a casserole with my spaghetti squash. It was the BOMB!!! I used 2 small squashes, 2 sliced wieners, 1/2 cup heavy cream, oregano and a couple of handfulls of cheddar cheese, grated. I baked it at 375F for 20 minutes and it was delicious!

Breakfast:
2 boiled eggs
1 cup decaf

Lunch:
3 roasted chicken wings
4 strawberries
1 SF Jello
1 diet soda

Dinner:
Steak w/fried onions
1 diet soda
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Old 06-29-2013, 01:06 PM   #652
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Day 246

Too much long weekend partying.
Still on plan, though.
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Old 06-30-2013, 07:44 AM   #653
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Day 247

Today is a better day than yesterday...sheesh.

Right now, my hubby and I are going out to have breakfast. When we return, I'll probably clean the house and read.

No clue what's on the menu today.
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Old 06-30-2013, 05:44 PM   #654
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Start Date: Dec 1, 2003 (first time) 10/18/12 (last time)
Progress Photos!

A few notes:

1. The "before" shot was taken in June 2012. I chose this shot because I was wearing the same shirt and it was TIGHT.

2. I realize that the T-shirt is probably not suitable for wearing outside of the home any longer. The way it's hanging makes me look dumpy.

3. I think my neck is thinner.

4. Same shirt, same shorts, same purse, same sunglasses.....sheesh.

Uploaded with ImageShack.com
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Old 07-01-2013, 06:11 AM   #655
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Congrats sweetie! there is a big difference....what part of Canada are you from?


HAPPY CANADA DAY
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Old 07-01-2013, 09:30 AM   #656
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Day 248

I feel so crappy today and my mother is driving me nuts.

I feel like having Japanese food for lunch.

I don't know what happened to my progress photo, but I send a message to TPTB.

This time---I live in Ontario! Happy Canada Day to you, too!
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Old 07-01-2013, 11:47 AM   #657
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Happy Canada Day!

The changes in the photos are very, very noticible! Congratulations!

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Old 07-01-2013, 11:36 PM   #658
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Congrats! You can definitely see the difference in your neck, face, how the shirt hangs off you now, and even your hands.
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Old 07-02-2013, 04:47 AM   #659
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Start Date: Dec 1, 2003 (first time) 10/18/12 (last time)
Day 249

Thanks to Seabreezes and Frogg for passing by to see my progress photos!

The more I look at them, the better I feel. I CAN see a difference. Amazing!

Today is a cloudy day....hopefully, I get some work done and I can go home and relax for the evening.

Breakfast:
2 boiled eggs
1 cup decaf coffee

Lunch:
Beef broth with onions (beef soup? onion soup?)
200g guacamole
4 Ryvita crackers
1 diet soda

Dinner:
Salmon Filet
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Old 07-03-2013, 04:51 AM   #660
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Day 250

This morning I weighed in at 303. I have no explanation for the gain of almost 6lbs. Maybe I have to go back to eating super clean with no veggies--I don't know.

SO, as if everything else in my life isn't messed up enough, I received a call from my best friend yesterday. She's pregnant. Now, she has supported me all through my IVF procedures--she's had 4 herself, plus countless IUI procedures. She's also had her fallopian tubes scraped (they're blocked). Doctors also told her that her eggs had a genetic defect that kept them from being properly fertilized. In all her IVF tries, she's never actually had her eggs fertilize in the dish and here she is, 5 weeks pregnant, naturally.

I'm not upset that she's pregnant. If anything, I'm super happy for her because she's been wanting a baby for 10 years. I've always been really amazed at her positive attitude. Here's the issue for me: my life has always been a joke.

My parents were conservative religious types and they didn't let me date in high school. As a result, I married the first guy I dated when I was in my very early 20's. He ended up being a closeted gay man. We divorced 10 years ago, but we remained friends. Everyone thinks that's so f-ing nice. Well, it's NOT. What people don't realize is that he didn't tell me he was gay until after I divorced him, which meant that I stayed married to him for 8.5 years, begging him to agree to have children (he never did) and wondering why our sex life was so boring. I was lucky enough to meet my current husband, but he's 5 years younger than I am and I feel that it's not fair that he can't have children because of me. Now what? I've ruined the life of someone I love, all because I wasted so many years with someone who basically lied to me.

UGH. What a mess. I always said I could write a book about all the drama in my life. Who the HELL would believe that the very DAY I told my BEST FRIEND that none of my 6 eggs implanted she would take a pregnancy test and find out that she's pregnant? It's surreal. I feel like the forces of the universe are working against me ALL THE TIME.

I'm not sure if I've ever shared this, but I'm not religious. I don't believe in God. On days like today, I actually question if there IS really a God and he's punishing me (from my childhood--everytime I'd do something naughty,my mother would say that God would punish me).

*sigh*

What a mix of emotions this is--I'm over the moon about my friend, but questioning why she, who has all the reproductive issues, fibromyalgia AND two years older than I am (did I mention that? She's 43.5!) can just fall pregnant and I'm healthy but I can't.

Dare I say that life isn't fair? In all my life, through thick and thin, I never actually felt deflated, defeated and trampled upon like I do today. It's like nothing matters anymore. I used to love my job and now it's just a place where I spend time.

I told my husband this morning that if I just died, he could marry someone else and have children. He says that he can be happy being with me, but I don't know. I suppose I'll just have to trust him on that since he's all I really have right now.

Anyways--I said that pity parties don't work for me, so mine is officially done. (There's a centipede in my office and no one is here to kill it for me...ugh)...
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