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trishthedish 09-30-2012 04:29 PM

The Dish
This won't be my first journal, but I sure hope it's my last.

Since joining Low Carb Friends ten years ago (yes, TEN years ago), I have come and gone as often as the tides. When I get motivated to regain control of my health, I always return because I know it is a vital tool in my success. Then once the initial motivation wanes, I recede back to lurk-dome (or go AWOL altogether) until the next time.

I got motivated to change my life back in February. I came in here to start a journal like usual, but held myself back. I decided I would only start a journal after I had been coming to the boards and posting regularly. The time has come. :)

So many things are different 'this time'. First, I'm older and wiser. When I joined the boards, I was 24 and had never lost weight before. I discovered Atkins (and this board) and the weight came off like magic... 76 pounds in 6 months! Looking back, I was disciplined (I'm a veteran Tough Love member), I was motivated, but I was definitely looking at LC with a diet mentality. I was 'on' a diet to lose weight and once I lost weight I was 'off' a diet. At that time, I did not do any of the groundwork to deal with the underlying issues of my lifelong eating/weight issues.

I've spent a lot of time over the last 10 years peeling back the layers of my issues with the help of counseling, reading, and education. I actually gained weight through that process because I was learning that I could never diet again. Diets are fuel for my eating disorder mentality. I was also learning to love and accept myself exactly as I am. That compassion for myself was important. As I made this switch mentally, I was not scrutinizing what I ate as a way to hate myself and the weight kept slowly creeping up. I think I continued binging through that process to see if there was a limit to my self love, if I could binge enough or gain enough to cause myself to go restrictive and whip myself into shape. But it didn't happen. The love I have for myself is now real... More real than any love I could ever get externally. I know (and really KNOW for the first time) that I have my back. I can and will take care of myself and that I am always good enough for me and that is as good as it gets.

In February I found myself 34 years old and at an all time high weight that I NEVER in a MILLION years would have thought I would EVER allow myself to weigh. At 5'3, I was carrying 282 pounds and pouring myself into a size 26 pant size. My breasts were spilling out of a size 42 DDD bra, I had to start buying a size 9 shoe (I've worn 7.5 in the past). My face was distorted to the point I had to apply my makeup differently to accommodate my different face shape, my legs were swollen like tree trunks after a day at work, I could not perform some of the required maneuvers to maintain basic hygiene (embarrassing to admit, but the truth will set you free!)

My lovely, dependable body was straining under the weight, trying so hard to keep me alive but was slowly losing the battle. That's when it clicked. My love and self-acceptance didn't need to be tested. I WANTED to demonstrate that love by caring for my body. It is almost an act of gratitude towards myself, my body, the universe, God (whatever you believe to be the highest power) to carefully provide myself with the nourishment I need physically.

I changed my way of life. I changed my relationship with food. I am not on a diet... I simply give time and attention to managing my health the same way I give time and attention to managing my career, my finances, my relationships. The effort I put into taking care of myself is it's own reward, but as an aside, I have dropped nearly 60 pounds. I know as I continue on my new journey of self care, that more weight will come off (and stay off).

This time I feel at peace with what is and no longer feel an obsession with what could, should, or would be. This is a new and wonderful territory and I think the time has come to start documenting my journey here on the boards... Not only to share with my fellow travelers, but to give myself somewhere to keep notes along the way.

trishthedish 10-01-2012 07:04 AM

Here’s what’s been working for me:
  • I plan my weekly menu each Sunday and spend an hour or so prep cooking whatever I can to make sure I don’t get caught up in impulsive or convenient eating during the very hectic work week. As an added advantage, I get to spend some time on the weekends thinking about what delicious foods I’d like to enjoy this week and looking up recipes. This nurtures the ‘foodie’ in me.
  • I prep a grab and go breakfast (otherwise I’ll leave the house without eating) and some ‘on the fly’ snack options to have when I feel like I need a boost at work. I don’t bother packing a lunch because I am so busy at work that I never end up getting to eat it.
  • Then, I make sure I have options at home for lunch after work, a protein & veggie combination for dinner each night, and finally some healthy, portioned evening snacks available.
  • I tend to eat the same thing during the week and then on the weekends I don’t plan… I just go with the flow and cook what I am in the mood for. Again, it lets the foodie in me be creative and enjoy cooking.
This is the nutrition plan that matches my specific lifestyle and I FINALLY realize that is the key to making a lifestyle change. Duh!! :doh: This week, this is what my planning produced:

Breakfasts: Pumpkin Bake – provides protein from the eggs, fat from the cream cheese, and fiber from the pumpkin. Talk about a power breakfast! I also have one cup of coffee with Splenda and half & half.

At Work: Egg salad – again, protein and fat. I will grab a teaspoon here and there throughout the day when I feel I need it. I also keep cream cheese, cheese sticks, and SF Mt. Olive pickles at work to have on hand if I feel I need an energy boost.

After Work: Protein - I bought a rotisserie chicken. My DH will eat the breast on a sandwich after his workouts throughout the week and I will eat the legs and wings. If I’m not in the mood for that, I will also have leftovers, or make a quick chicken noodle soup out of pre-cooked spaghetti squash and chicken broth. I partake in my second cup of coffee after this meal and it is lovingly referred to as my ‘afternoon delight’.

Dinner: Protein & Veggie - I stocked up on rib eye, ground beef, chicken breasts with rib, boneless chicken tenders, pork roast, country style pork ribs, eggs, and frozen shrimp. Then I made sure I had cauliflower, Brussels sprout, green beans, spinach, mushrooms, and spaghetti squash. Having all of this on hand gives lots of dinner options each evening. As staples, I keep LC marinara sauce, salsa, ranch, ricotta, sour cream, shredded cheese, chicken broth, and seasonings to ensure I can hit any flavor profile I am in the mood for.

Evening snack options: 1 can of Canada Dry diet ginger ale (2 can max per day), 1 square of Lindt 90% Cocoa with a teaspoon of natural peanut butter OR ricotta mixed with Torani syrup OR jello. I know people say don’t eat after dinner but I know that this is a habit that suits my lifestyle and it won’t change. I enjoy it. Instead of fighting it, I just tweaked it to healthier options.

So, I feel comfortable with my nutrition at this point and I don’t want to tweak anything there, but I have been working on incorporating more water and exercise into my daily lifestyle. For the last 5 weeks, I have been setting a goal to: (1) exercise 30 minutes a day/5 days a week and (2) drink 60 oz. of water each day.

It hasn’t stuck! I have not completed those two things every day. So this week I decided to be more proactive and make some adjustments to my schedule in an effort to boost my metabolism (and overall well being) with the addition of regular exercise and water. Instead of planning to exercise when I get home from work (hasn’t been happening!), I am waking up 30 minutes earlier in the morning (5:30 AM) and going out my front door for a 30 minute brisk walk.

This is counterintuitive to every.ounce.of.my.being. :pI am NOT a morning person and I normally sit with a cup of coffee for 30 minutes before I even speak, so this is quite an ambitious endeavor. I did it this morning and am cautiously optimistic because my morning went smoother than I had anticipated. I would LOVE for this to be a good fit for me.:aprayer:

To tackle the water issue, I bought a case of 20 oz. bottles. I will chug one right after my walk while I am waiting for my morning cup of coffee to brew. That’s 20 ounces down, 40 to go. I will then refill that bottle and nurse it while at work. I told myself that I can’t partake in my afternoon delight if I have not finished that bottle. That would make 40 ounces down, 20 to go. I will chug the last bottle while I am fixing dinner. I cannot crack open a can of diet ginger ale (which I enjoy with dinner) until it is gone. That’s 60 ounces down and I am done for the day!

Today was day one for this plan and so far so good. I am on schedule in both the water and exercise department! YAY! :up:

FLGIRLJEN 10-01-2012 07:43 AM

Great plan! You are going to succeed...again, :)

P.s. I love the idea for the noodle soup with broth and the squash. I have to try that!

trishthedish 10-01-2012 09:31 AM

Thanks Jen!

trishthedish 10-01-2012 06:27 PM

Today went well:

B- pumpkin bake with coffee
S-2 teaspoons of egg salad
L- rotisserie chicken leg quarter with cajun seasoning and ranch with coffee
D- rib eye & garlic mushrooms and diet ginger ale
S- 1 teaspoon of natural peanut butter and one teaspoon of ricotta with a capful of vanilla Torani syrup mixed well. I dipped 1 square of 90% Lindt in it.

60 ounces of water- Yes!
30 minute brisk walk- Yes!

trishthedish 10-02-2012 04:08 PM

The new exercise schedule is great for me (so far... it is only day 2). I've been up and out the front door by 5:30 AM. I have REALLY been getting a great workout by going up a hill down the street and then once at the top, I haul ass to keep my heart rate up.

I'm back at the house in 30 minutes and enjoying my morning coffee at the same time I always did. I can definitely see how the 30 minutes of exercise does me much more good than the extra 30 minutes of sleep. I would love to keep my momentum with this.:up:

Today's food intake:

B- pumpkin bake & coffee (2 Splenda and 2 TBLS half & half)
S- egg salad (probably 2 TBLS)
L- leftover rib eye diced and sautéed with garlic butter and tossed with spaghetti squash and parmesan
S- coffee number 2 for the day
D- roast chicken breast with roasted cauliflower and can of diet ginger ale
S- 1 teaspoon of natural peanut butter and one teaspoon of ricotta with a capful of vanilla Torani syrup and 1 square of 90% Lindt.

30 minutes of exercise- Yes!
60 ounces of water- Yes!

trishthedish 10-03-2012 03:04 PM

Today when I woke up for my 5:30 AM walk, it was raining. I contemplated putting my shower cap on and going out in the rain (note to self, you need a poncho). I decided to put my Dance Pop Radio station on Pandora and spend 30 minutes improvising a walking workout ala Leslie Sanson's Walk Away The Pounds. I alternated her core moves: leg lift, kick, side step, basic walk. I may have added in a bit of dance/booty shakin' when a particularly good song played.:o

I am really loving the morning workout. I am a real convert here. I NEVER in a million years could EVER imagine exercising in the morning! I guess I'm in a different place in my life. Taking this time in the morning is almost like... I can't really articulate this. Like I am taking care of me. It's almost like I'm spending quality time with myself, if that makes sense. Anyway, it feels good and I am happy about it.

Today's food intake:

B- pumpkin bake & coffee (2 Splenda and 2 TBLS half & half)
S- egg salad (probably 2 TBLS) & cheese stick
L- wasn't hungry
S- coffee number 2 for the day
D- Cajun pork frittata with spaghetti squash hash browns and can of diet lemon lime soda
S- SF Jello cup with a TBLS of ricotta

30 minutes of exercise- Yes!
60 ounces of water- Yes!

I'm feeling really positive about my weight loss. I'm finally approaching the point where my body starts to show it's shape as opposed to just reducing in size. I'm losing bumps and rolls. People are commenting.

A colleague I haven't seen in some time saw me yesterday and said she didn't even recognize me in my office. She even asked my secretary, 'Where's Trish?' Between that and several comments from students and staff, I know it is really noticeable now.

As an added bonus, my healthy eating has made my skin bright and I've been taking the time to wear flattering makeup. I've also been growing my hair long (and I added highlights). Needless to say, I'm feeling like some pretty hot s&@t right now.:cool:

trishthedish 10-04-2012 01:52 PM

Tomorrow is my official weigh in day. I do it every other Friday (on my pay days). I would be a daily weigher, but the scale feeds my obsessive thinking and makes it very difficult for me to avoid the restrict/binge mentality that has kept me overweight most of my life. Slow and steady now... Living clean and healthy is the goal really, not a number on a scale.

Having said that, I REALLY hope to see 222 tomorrow. That would put me in the 60 pound club. I have snuck a peek a few evenings this week (evening weighing doesn't count because no matter what it says, I know I have had food and drink to distort the number. Am I neurotic or what?!). I saw 222 in the evening, during TOM, so I'm optimistic to see it tomorrow morning. I will NOT be destroyed if I don't though... Really. I'll just blame it on muscles retaining water due to my new walking schedule.;)

Today's food intake:

B- pumpkin bake & coffee (2 Splenda and 2 TBLS half & half)
L- 2 rotisserie chicken wings with Mrs. Dash and ranch
S- coffee number 2 for the day
D- Either a small antipasto salad OR hot wings from Hungry Howie's (I haven't decided yet) and can of diet lemon lime soda
S- SF Jello cup with a TBLS of ricotta

30 minutes of exercise- Yes!
60 ounces of water- Yes!

skyesmom2002 10-04-2012 11:02 PM

Hi Trisha,

Your introduction post was beautiful and inspiring. I enjoyed the rest of them too! I'll be rooting for you :up:

trishthedish 10-05-2012 03:21 AM

Thank you Tanya!!

I had to come post immediately after my official weigh in... I'm in the 60 pound club!!!:jumpjoy:

61 to be exact. I will be basking in the glow ALL day.:D

iminit4me 10-05-2012 07:52 AM

Hi Trish - Congratulations!!! You're inspiring me to start my own journal. You are a wonderful writer. KUTGW. Cheers to you!!

skyesmom2002 10-05-2012 11:52 PM


Originally Posted by trishthedish (Post 15993030)
Thank you Tanya!!

I had to come post immediately after my official weigh in... I'm in the 60 pound club!!!:jumpjoy:

61 to be exact. I will be basking in the glow ALL day.:D

How exciting! Congratulations:clap::clap::high5:

trishthedish 10-06-2012 07:57 AM

Thank you for the support Cyndy and Tanya! I have lots of great news to share.

First, I made it through the entire week and exercised everyday and drank 60 ounces of water everyday. This is the first time I completed this specific goal since I changed my lifestyle back in February. It really is a turning point in my journey. In the beginning, most of the focus was on rehabilitating my nutrition (rightfully so). But since I've had that dialed in, I really wanted to know I was taking care of my body holistically and that meant physical fitness and plenty of water. I am so pleased to know I am giving my body EVERYTHING it needs. I feel so joyous! :love:

Next, I had a HUGE moment. This morning, I pulled on,... buttoned,.. and zippered close... THE jeans. For those that don't know, THE jeans have been in a closet since 2007. THE jeans are the most perfect pair of jeans I ever owned. They absolutely flatter and accentuate my individual body shape to it's maximum potential. When I wore these jeans, I felt very comfortable with my curvy, healthy body. THE jeans are a size 18 petite. Now don't get me wrong, I can't leave my house in them at this point (lotsa' spillover in the midsection), but there was a time that these jeans could not be pulled up past my knees. At a size 26 (a true, fitted size 26) THE jeans looked like tiny doll clothes when held against my body. My hands seemed so close together when holding them up... It seemed impossible I was ever that tiny. Yet today, I pulled on,... buttoned,.. and zippered close... THE jeans. *sigh* Yeah... It was a moment.:love:

One last bit of goodness to share. I got on the scale this morning for an unsanctioned peek. This is not a good thing because it's my goal to only get on the scale in the morning on official weigh in days. However, I chose some SF Whitman's chocolates as a snack last night and wanted to see if they had any immediate adverse effects. The scale read 219.5!!! That would be a new decade!! I can't claim it yet, because it was an unsanctioned weigh in. But I really am aiming to see that decade at my next OWI. Now I will try to abstain from morning weighing until then (though I know there will be sporadic evening weighing, which as I've mentioned, doesn't count). Oh, the silly games I must play with this inner child of mine. I love her though. She's quirky no doubt, but lovable.:love:

It's the weekend, so I relax with my food planning. Carbs may go a bit higher, mostly because I may eat more over the weekend. I suppose it's a bit like having two UP days, according to some plans. I'm not following those plans. I'm working up my ladder with Atkins, but the pattern of structured days Monday-Friday and unstructured days on Saturday and Sunday works for me obviously, since I've been seeing steady weight loss. So no chugging water, no exercise, as many coffees as I desire, and a day of eating intuitively.

So to summarize, I'm grateful for today. Today is a good day.:)

trishthedish 10-07-2012 08:19 AM

Today is my weekly food prep day. Here's my list:

- pumpkin bake for breakfast (eating pumpkin pie for brekkie and losing weight! Who da thunk it?!)
- shredded chicken with mayo for work (I've found shredding the chicken instead of dicing it makes a lovely smooth mousse like chicken salad, perfect for eating by the spoonful)
- sf peach jello for evening snacks (can't wait to mix with ricotta for peaches & cream parfait)

I did my grocery shopping yesterday to stock up on protein and veggies for dinner options. I'm making it my weekly goal again to drink 60 ounces of water on schedule each day and to walk for 30 minutes in the morning. I'm feeling prepared and confident for a successful, healthy week.:up:

Yesterday I went and bought a new bra. I've wearing the same one from 60 pounds ago. I've gone from a 42 to a 38, but the cup was still a DDD. The last time I can remember wearing a C cup, I was 11 years old and in 6th grade! :o Not much will change in that department. I know the next 20 pounds will bring me to a DD though, and I very much look forward to that.

I also bought two fitted cami-tanks to help smooth my shape under my shirts and some control top pantyhose to wear as affordable, DIY body shapers. I intend to trim the legs off and use them to keep the midsection smooth. My body's been working hard and deserves to be shown off looking its best. It won't hurt my confidence any either.;)

Yesterday, my unplanned, intuitive eating day produced the following food intake:

B- cinnamon egg crepe stuffed with ricotta and topped with SF maple syrup and 2 coffees
S- 1 serving of SF chocolate and 2 more coffees
D- 7 spicy wings with ranch and a can of diet ginger ale
S- 1 serving of SF chocolate with 1 serving of natural peanut butter

No water
No exercise (although an argument could be made that trying on 30 bras with a pair of triple D's could constitute as a workout!)

trishthedish 10-08-2012 03:25 AM

Sunday's food intake:

B- pumpkin bake and 2 coffees
S- 2 more coffees throughout the day
D- pork roast with Brussels sprouts with 1 can of diet ginger ale
S- SF chocolate and natural peanut butter

Over the course of Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday, I ate two bags of SF chocolate. That's 4 servings in three days. This is why I choose to not keep it in the house normally. I sometimes enjoy eating it on the weekends, but I'm careful not to do it too often. I'm really hoping the 90% Lindt starts to taste better to my pallet so that I can ditch the SF chocolates for good. We'll see.

trishthedish 10-08-2012 03:20 PM

I am such a freak. I indulged in an additional cup of coffee after work (for a grand total of three for the day) and I am feeling a little obsessive about it! I am WAY overanalyzing the third cup of coffee. The convo in my head goes a little something like this:

No big deal, you felt like having a coffee with DH.
Yeah, but I'm trying to keep it at two a day.
And you do, most days. Today you wanted a third. It's not like you're on a restrictive diet.
True, but I think I wanted the coffee for comfort and I'm trying not to use food for comfort.
But coffee?!? For God's sake woman! Since the dawn of civilization, humans have sought comfort in a warm beverage. Chill out and stop obsessing!
Yeah, but maybe I'm not obsessing and instead am reflecting on my habits in order to secure lifelong health.
Are you trying to obsess yourself into a binge?
BINGE?? Why did you bring up the 'B' word?

Yeah. My therapist earns her salary with me.:o

Today's food intake:

B- pumpkin bake & coffee (2 Splenda and 2 TBLS half & half)
Work- 1/4 cup of chicken salad (eaten by the spoonful throughout the day) and a cheese stick
L- 2 rotisserie chicken pieces (leg & wing) with Cajun spice and ranch
S- coffees number 2 AND 3 :help:
D- Pork chili with cheese, sour cream and scallions (leftover pork roast from last night)
S- SF peach jello with a TBLS of ricotta

30 minutes of exercise- Yes!
60 ounces of water- Yes!

trishthedish 10-09-2012 02:19 PM

Today's food intake:

B- pumpkin bake with coffee
Work- 1/4 cup of chicken salad
L- Cajun chicken leg with ranch and coffee
D- grilled t-bone with salad
S- 1 square of 90% Lindt with 1 serving of natural peanut butter

30 minutes of exercise- no
60 ounces of water - Yes!

I woe up very groggy from taking an allergy pill before bed last night, so I didn't walk.:sad: I'm going to try and squeeze in a quick workout before dinner.

trishthedish 10-10-2012 04:46 PM

I got up at 5:30 this morning and got my walk in. It really bothered me that I skipped it yesterday and I wasn't going to let that happen again.

I've been snacky today. I noticed it Monday too. I'm wondering if it is the morning workout or just part of my natural ebb and flow rhythm. I have noticed throughout my weight loss that I have days that I eat more and days that I eat less. I just go with it. So far today I had:

B- pumpkin bake and coffee
Work - 1/4 chicken salad and 1 ounce of nuts
S- coffee and sliver of pumpkin bake
D- 2 eggs, ham, and spaghetti squash and can of diet ginger ale
S- don't know yet but will include another diet can, pork rinds, and maybe some peanut butter and 90% Lindt (yeah, I feel snacky alright!)

30 minutes of exercise = YES!
60 ounces of water = YES!

trishthedish 10-11-2012 06:31 PM

Had a great 'losing weight' day. I attended a luncheon at work and saw a few people I don't see on a daily basis. Lots of comments about how great I look, people not realizing it was me, and questions about my WOE. That never gets old!

Plus, for the first time in three years I wore my hair pulled back. I got so many comments about showing off my cheekbones and elongating my face. I was a little self conscious this morning when I pulled it back but I was having such a bad hair day I simply gave up and put it in a bun. At my highest weight, there was NO WAY I would have left the house with my hair pulled off my melon head!

Finally, I had to run a quick, unexpected errand after I had gotten home and into my jammies for the night. I quickly threw on a pair of jeans, sandals, and a black tunic and ran out of the house... And you know what? I looked kinda cute. I like that I am finally reaching a point that I can leave the house looking decent without much effort.

I've been thinking a lot today about my day to day life at 282 pounds and a very large size 26. I am so grateful to have escaped the prison of that weight all over my body. I know to some I am still a very big girl, but to me, I am finally approaching a feeling of health and confidence in my appearance. I feel like I have a part of me back that I lost for a while. Feels damn good.

Today's food intake:

B- pumpkin bake with coffee
Work- Greek salad
S- coffee
D- Cajun beef and spaghetti squash with sour cream and can of diet ginger ale
S- peach jello with ricotta

30 minutes of exercise- Yes!
60 ounces of water - Yes!

Last night I tried a new snack. Pork rinds topped with Cajun spice and dipped in ranch. Oh.my.God. I :heart: low carb eating.

skyesmom2002 10-11-2012 10:18 PM

:high5: Trish! Your doing awesome. Congrats on The jeans victory :D

trishthedish 10-12-2012 01:51 PM


Originally Posted by skyesmom2002 (Post 16009256)
:high5: Trish! Your doing awesome. Congrats on The jeans victory :D

Thank you Tanya! I'm trying to savor all the little victories along the way instead of focusing solely on the end goal.:)

translationmx 10-12-2012 06:03 PM

First of all, congratulations for all your recent success!! I'm a sucker for weight-loss compliments - I wish I receive some myself soon

Which pumpkin bake you've been making? I've been trying to talk myself into trying some myself

trishthedish 10-13-2012 12:53 PM


Originally Posted by translationmx (Post 16011149)
First of all, congratulations for all your recent success!! I'm a sucker for weight-loss compliments - I wish I receive some myself soon

Which pumpkin bake you've been making? I've been trying to talk myself into trying some myself

Keep working your plan and the compliments will come! I follow this recipe on Linda Sue's website for Jody's Pumpkin Bake:

8 ounces cream cheese, softened
5 eggs
1 cup granular Splenda or equivalent liquid Splenda
15 ounce can pumpkin
1 1/2 teaspoons Pumpkin Pie Spice (I use apple pie spice because that's in my pantry)
1 teaspoon cinnamon (I substitute clove here since there is cinnamon in the apple pie spice)
1 teaspoon vanilla

Put the cream cheese in a medium mixing bowl and beat with an electric mixer until smooth. Add the remaining ingredients and beat well. Pour into a 6x8" greased glass baking dish. Bake at 350º about 40 minutes or until the center feels firm and a knife inserted in the center comes out relatively clean. Cool, then chill before serving.

Makes 6 servings
Do not freeze

With granular Splenda:
Per Serving: 228 Calories; 18g Fat; 9g Protein; 9g Carbohydrate; 3g Dietary Fiber; 6g Net Carbs

With liquid Splenda:
Per Serving: 220 Calories; 18g Fat; 9g Protein; 7g Carbohydrate; 3g Dietary Fiber; 4g Net Carbs

translationmx 10-13-2012 01:39 PM

Thank you for the recipe! It sure sounds yummy and filling. I'm going to the supermarket later today and I'll grab some pumpkin cans

I definetly need to get my act together, I know that. These part few months have been pretty hectic for me

Have a lovely weekend!

Sleepy 10-15-2012 12:06 PM

you are doing fantastic trish
and you make it sound so easy ;)
thanks for the pumpkin bake reminder
thats my absolute favorite this time of year :heart:

trishthedish 10-16-2012 09:17 AM

Trans- Hope the pumpkin bake gets you back in the swing of things.

Sleepy- Thank you! I don't mean to make it sound easy! I guess 'be prepared' is the best thing I've got going right now. :)

So, I’m in a bit of a funk. I think it is partly hormonal but also just the natural ebb and flow of life. This past year has been a doozey: I experienced a marital betrayal, my mentally ill mother needed to move in for a few months, my 12 year old furkid died of cancer, my career has been extremely demanding, and so on and so forth.

When you really think about it though, when is life NOT like that? The year before that, my DH had a cancer scare, the year before that my father had open heart surgery during my final internship, the year before that… you get the idea.

I am grateful that I have not turned to food to cope over these past few months. Even during the heartbreak with DH, the extreme stress of caring for my bi-po mother (off her meds), and working endless double shifts at school, I never binged to deal with it. I started to see my food intake as the one and only thing I had the ability to control and it brought me comfort. I may or may not have had a few days that were lubricated with rum, but I am only human. ;)

So I guess I’m sharing this to say, yes I feel like I am in a funk but it is not affecting my food choices. It is affecting my walking and water intake though. I skipped both yesterday and am not on track today. I think part of it was a change in routine; I moved out of our master bedroom and into the spare room. *sigh* This has me feeling a bit low and sleeping later.

Not an excuse, just an acknowledgment. I’m going to be kind and supportive for myself during this little mood dip. No beating myself up, no judgment. I will continue to use food as nutrition and continue to care for myself. Some days that means taking a walk and drinking all my water and other days that means sleeping in and being gentle with myself. As long as I am taking care of me, I feel healthy and balanced.

skyesmom2002 10-16-2012 10:37 PM

Oh Trish :hugs: I'm sorry for your hardship. Keep on taking good care of yourself. Especially right now. You are the only one that can!

trishthedish 10-19-2012 02:33 PM

Thanks Tanya! A big part of this journey for me has been about learning to take care of myself. I saved a quote the other day; "I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival." This awakening in my life, I suspect, is closely tied to my mind shift with my compulsive eating. I have to trust myself enough to know I will care for myself. That trust allows me to take care of myself without rebellion or self sabotage.

I've been having a bit of anxiety about posting my menus in my journal. Thinking I 'need' to do it or that writing it somehow locks me into my choice has me thinking a little 'diet-y'. I've decided that I will post my menu if I want, and won't if I don't. It actually took a week of processing my thoughts on the matter to come to that conclusion.:doh: The thing is, I love food, cooking food, planning meals, talking about food, etc. So I am comfortable sharing the foods I am eating, but not as a structured 'food plan'. OK, neurotic rant over.

Today was an official weigh-in day. I'm down a half pound at 220.5. I'll take it... It's still heading in the right direction. My clothes are getting so loose, so that's another great sign. I have been eating a bit more this week and skipping the water and walks, so I suppose losing a half pound while eating basically maintenance levels is a good thing.:)

As I plan this week's menu, I may drop down closer to Induction levels to help move things a long a little faster before my next official weigh-in in two weeks. I want to say goodbye to the 220's forever! I also want to recommit to my morning walks and healthy water consumption. I have really been enjoying it and the hiatus didn't feel as comforting in the long run. Though I must say, I really needed the extra sleep this week and I am grateful to have had an opportunity to show myself I will always take gentle care and give myself what I need most. What a freeing feeling!

trishthedish 10-20-2012 08:09 AM

I've finished my menu planning for the week so I could write my shopping list and prep cook list for tomorrow. Here's the plan:

B- Cinnamon crepes with sugar free maple syrup and coffee
Work- cream cheese
L- Rotisserie chicken legs/wings with ranch and coffee
D- Protein and veggie with a can of diet ginger ale
S- Peanut butter pudding sprinkled with a shaved sugar free Dove square

60 ounces of water (going to keep to my chug schedule to get it all in!)
30 minute walk (5:30 AM wake up call... I never regret doing it!)

I estimate the daily carbs above to be in the 30 range. I loosely calculated my carbs to try and keep them lower this week. Although I am at peace with losing half a pound over the last two weeks, I am excited to lose a bit more at this point. At this weight, every five pound loss brings significant changes to my appearance and I am really getting a boost from it. I'd like to aim for losing three pounds at my next weigh in in two weeks, bringing me into the two-teens at 217.5. That will feel amazing and then I can start chipping away towards my next mini-goal.

As I sat to menu plan this week, I noticed the binge/restrict thinking creep in. I was thinking of some very strict, low, low carb options (like an egg fast) that I know would not satisfy me throughout the week. Part of me was a drill sergeant, saying I could do it if I dug deep. Another part of me was a zen master, pointing out that the steady, consistent, peaceful road will bring long lasting health. In the end they both had to compromise a little... Lower carbs for a weight loss whoosh but yummy, enjoyable foods to keep the binge monster at bay. What a balancing act it is for me to make meaningful changes in my relationship with food! I'm grateful to be experiencing it though.:love:

trishthedish 10-21-2012 04:02 PM

My Prep List changed for the week. Updated weekly menu:

B- Green onion, pimento, and cheese egg muffins with coffee
Work- Egg salad
L- unchanged
D- unchanged
S- unchanged

I wanted to cut back on my artificial sweeteners (to stave off cravings) and lower the cheese intake while upping the protein at work.

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