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Old 05-27-2013, 04:03 AM   #1321
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D-
Little buddy I am back, and I am so glad I came here to your thread,I have been on the hamster wheel for a year now! I am obsessing how could I lose 150 pounds in like 16 months, and for a year I have done nothing but gain? I am so frustrated, so sick of thinking about every morsel of food down the gullet, like I wish I could have an IV of fluids and never have to eat solid food again, I am so stressed out, depressed, you name it, nothing works, I lose 6 gain 4 lose 2 gain 5 like it is never just going down, I remember when I started it was 9/27/10 D almost 3 years ago every week that scale would be down, now I hate the effing scale!

I am mostly mad at myself granted I have had a number of stressors but its me ultimately making the decisions and I have not been making good ones!

I have been doing heavy soul searching and trying to reflect on what made me successful, accountability, heavy exercise,and logging food.

So tomorrow I am making some sort of plan and sticking with it, and getting my butt on here to be accountable!

So here we go again D somehow we are going to get to the finish line!
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Old 05-27-2013, 07:44 AM   #1322
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Amber I hear you! The topic of the year has been "WTH is wrong with me"? We can do this. Like you said, ultimately it boils down to bad choices or 'not so great choices', stressors, etc. For me it's also confusion about the best way to be eating, the best way to lose weight....it's so confusing. It has to be something sustainable, it has to be a lifestyle change as well as a diet. What is it? IDK.

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Old 05-27-2013, 09:28 AM   #1323
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Originally Posted by zipp2play View Post
You seem to be in a much better place girl. I am so happy for you . I'm also glad you are back here !!!!
Thanks hon! I feel like I'm in a better place! My problem is I think too much about everything Trying to get out of my own way and just do it!

Quote:
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D-
Little buddy I am back, and I am so glad I came here to your thread,I have been on the hamster wheel for a year now! I am obsessing how could I lose 150 pounds in like 16 months, and for a year I have done nothing but gain? I am so frustrated, so sick of thinking about every morsel of food down the gullet, like I wish I could have an IV of fluids and never have to eat solid food again, I am so stressed out, depressed, you name it, nothing works, I lose 6 gain 4 lose 2 gain 5 like it is never just going down, I remember when I started it was 9/27/10 D almost 3 years ago every week that scale would be down, now I hate the effing scale!

I am mostly mad at myself granted I have had a number of stressors but its me ultimately making the decisions and I have not been making good ones!

I have been doing heavy soul searching and trying to reflect on what made me successful, accountability, heavy exercise,and logging food.

So tomorrow I am making some sort of plan and sticking with it, and getting my butt on here to be accountable!

So here we go again D somehow we are going to get to the finish line!
Hey Amber!! I have missed you! I have been in the same place with the scale, up & down, up & down..it gets depressing! I finally had to just decompress for a bit and start thinking about what got me to success the very first time I ever got near goal... it was such a relief to find an answer! Glad you're back and hope to see you extra busy around here!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blonde with a Rose View Post
Amber I hear you! The topic of the year has been "WTH is wrong with me"? We can do this. Like you said, ultimately it boils down to bad choices or 'not so great choices', stressors, etc. For me it's also confusion about the best way to be eating, the best way to lose weight....it's so confusing. It has to be something sustainable, it has to be a lifestyle change as well as a diet. What is it? IDK.

Welcome back!
The key for me is definitely struggling to find something that is sustainable for a lifetime... While I love JUDDD and often think I will probably end up going back to it at some time..at the same time I can't help feeling like I'm playing a game with myself in terms of the scale, etc.. I hate how it all messes with my head. Embracing an entire lifestyle change is S-C-A-R-E-Y! I mean, when you get down to it, get honest, and think just what that all entails... But I think I've finally started tying up loose ends in the things/people that have affected my weight, and I think I am ready to see this thing through.
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Old 05-27-2013, 01:10 PM   #1324
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Good thoughts Danielle!

How to find the right thing? How to sustain the right thing? How to deal with stress issues when food has always been the drug of choice (that's me for sure). How to get through the stressful moments when food is not an option. I sometimes feel a bit hysterical (and not the funny kind) when I'm dieting and I need to soothe myself and can't because bingeing isn't an option and carbs aren't an option or alcohol isn't an option. The option here is to FEEL what it is that you are trying not to feel. How scary is that??Scares the beejeezus outta me. I don't want to feel some things. Until we (us) me...until the problem is out in the open and addressed correctly, how can long term weight loss happen? I know I sound all Dr. Phil, but really it is a good question, right? It's not all about hunger or appetite. Not really.
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Old 05-27-2013, 03:52 PM   #1325
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Good thoughts Danielle!

How to find the right thing? How to sustain the right thing? How to deal with stress issues when food has always been the drug of choice (that's me for sure). How to get through the stressful moments when food is not an option. I sometimes feel a bit hysterical (and not the funny kind) when I'm dieting and I need to soothe myself and can't because bingeing isn't an option and carbs aren't an option or alcohol isn't an option. The option here is to FEEL what it is that you are trying not to feel. How scary is that??Scares the beejeezus outta me. I don't want to feel some things. Until we (us) me...until the problem is out in the open and addressed correctly, how can long term weight loss happen? I know I sound all Dr. Phil, but really it is a good question, right? It's not all about hunger or appetite. Not really.
I hear ya! I know one thing for me from the "old days"...I used to workout faithfully every day in the early morning...and for some reason all that movement made it really easy to cope with the stuff that came up through out my days. I used to not think twice about the *extras* of exercise, but after thinking about those days and my ability to be so incredibly successful, I'm starting to see that it set up a wonderful path in nearly every part of my life. Once the consistent workouts stopped when we moved back to CA and in with my sister and bil...so did my ability to cope with the stress...and voila...weight gain began..and pretty soon it was out of control to the point that I couldn't keep up fast enough to reign it in.

I don't believe it's ever all about hunger. I believe it's about all the aspects of why we are the weight we are.. all of that stuff has incredible power over our well-being despite our best intentions..

For me, that's all coming to an end, and for the first time in my entire life I see a light at the end of the tunnel..I've confronted my worst fears completely and realizing that I am SO MUCH stronger than I ever believed I could be and that I CAN take care of myself and be an amazing person. I'm ready to do this once & for all.
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Old 05-27-2013, 04:35 PM   #1326
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D-exercise is the one thing Tony mentioned today he said you know with the commute you are not going to the gym everyday and I think that helps you with stress and it seems to keep you focused on staying on plan, and he is right from our wedding in 10/11- until my surgery in March 12 I was doing pretty good with maintaining and eating healthy carbs then it was the surgery which was a big old mess, then lost my job, then the new job sell my house, live with Mom, Nan falls it was a big old mess and add quitting smoking which didn't help the weight gain, and what a disaster, and the worst is I cant do a week of atkins and watch it fall off like it used to! One thing I learned you cant do Atkins half way it is all or nothing, so it is hard to live it forever cause carbs are everywhere, but there has to be balance! Maybe we will all figure this out!
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Old 05-28-2013, 12:58 AM   #1327
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Just catching up on this thread and checking in with you Danielle, looks like your getting back in the right "head space" we all know without that we don't have a glimmer of hope losing weight xx
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Old 05-28-2013, 05:44 AM   #1328
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D - how was your weekend? What movie did you see?
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Old 05-29-2013, 05:48 AM   #1329
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Hiya Pajama Butt Sounds like you took a little break to regroup....I did too. And ya know what? Sometimes that just needs to happen, so we can take a look at what was working and what wasn't. I'm going back to the Fast-5 plan, and trying to do it lower-carb. I too was used to working out every morning, and loving it--I have no freakin' idea why I stopped, and why I haven't bothered to pick it back up in the past month.....but I'm putting my foot down this time! (on the treadmill... )

Have a wonderful day!
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Old 05-29-2013, 05:50 AM   #1330
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How goes it DANIELLE!?!?!?!?!
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Old 05-29-2013, 07:34 AM   #1331
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Feeling much peace this Friday. Crossing my fingers that it sticks.
I love that you are having "peace" about your choices...this is something that greatly contributes to overall success!

Sounds like you had a pretty nice, restful holiday weekend. Glad to hear your husband is on board with the healthy changes! It definitely helps when someone close to you can be supportive of that aspect.

Sending big to everyone who stops in here. I know we can do this -- one day at a time!
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Old 05-29-2013, 11:44 AM   #1332
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D-exercise is the one thing Tony mentioned today he said you know with the commute you are not going to the gym everyday and I think that helps you with stress and it seems to keep you focused on staying on plan, and he is right from our wedding in 10/11- until my surgery in March 12 I was doing pretty good with maintaining and eating healthy carbs then it was the surgery which was a big old mess, then lost my job, then the new job sell my house, live with Mom, Nan falls it was a big old mess and add quitting smoking which didn't help the weight gain, and what a disaster, and the worst is I cant do a week of atkins and watch it fall off like it used to! One thing I learned you cant do Atkins half way it is all or nothing, so it is hard to live it forever cause carbs are everywhere, but there has to be balance! Maybe we will all figure this out!
Life stress is brutal to weight loss..I can so relate to you. Just keep thinking about all of the things you have learned intially from the journey that's gotten you to this point. Remeber when we first started out a few years back? I'm still trying to get off the starting block!!! Be proud of everything you have accomplished so far...your knowledge & determination will get you the rest of the way. Exercise is a definite must, and I HAVE got to get going on that!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Genie80 View Post
Just catching up on this thread and checking in with you Danielle, looks like your getting back in the right "head space" we all know without that we don't have a glimmer of hope losing weight xx
I'm the first to admit that I think entirely toooooo much. It's just how I am. Getting out of my own way is definitely a welcomed thing at this point!

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D - how was your weekend? What movie did you see?
Weekend was quiet, but nice! We just saw Fast 6 on Friday..never made it to see the Hangover.. I'm planning on seeing Fast 6 again very soon tho, loved it!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Saxy1971 View Post
Hiya Pajama Butt Sounds like you took a little break to regroup....I did too. And ya know what? Sometimes that just needs to happen, so we can take a look at what was working and what wasn't. I'm going back to the Fast-5 plan, and trying to do it lower-carb. I too was used to working out every morning, and loving it--I have no freakin' idea why I stopped, and why I haven't bothered to pick it back up in the past month.....but I'm putting my foot down this time! (on the treadmill... )

Have a wonderful day!
Heya girl! Yep, I had to finally climb out of my head for awhile and look at things from a different perspective.. kinda scary and overwhelming, I didn't think I was going to make it back at one point. But, like everyone is figuring out by now, I'm just too damned stubborn not to! Good luck getting back to your plan, it definitely agrees with you!!

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How goes it DANIELLE!?!?!?!?!
It's going!! The next 3 months are going to be loonnnnnggggggg!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayce View Post
I love that you are having "peace" about your choices...this is something that greatly contributes to overall success!

Sounds like you had a pretty nice, restful holiday weekend. Glad to hear your husband is on board with the healthy changes! It definitely helps when someone close to you can be supportive of that aspect.

Sending big to everyone who stops in here. I know we can do this -- one day at a time!
Amazing how quiet things got in my head when I finally stopped trying to manipulate and calculate everything to death! I'm loving that DH wants this just for himself and not just to try and help me along.. We both benefit that way and I think he's finally getting it! I do love that he is willing to do whatever it takes though to encourage me..he's an amazing guy!
-------------------------

I'm chugging along. The deep burn inside me is slowly starting to make it's way to the top and I am finding some MAJOR desire floating along the surface. I'm feeling hopeful and excited. Things I haven't felt in a very very very long time. It feels different. I do have to *make* myself think about movement, about exercise in "some form" because my mentality tries to take me to this place of; "you have to have your bike to make this work"...which I do not have yet, because I haven't found one I like! so I have to keep my mind moving forward that it's ok to do other things, ANYTHING as long as it's something that will help burn those calories! The bike thing will happen soon and when it does, hey, even better for me!

Calories are around 1500 and I seem to do pretty damn good with this. Even better when I truly listen to my hunger and make smart choices that keep me fuller longer. Getting back into my 100+oz of water consumption is also helping me to feel loads better too. I have a tinge more than 5 months before I want to hit my first goal of 199.. I can do it. ...and BTW, initially I had written, I *think* I can do it...and then I read that and thought, nope, wrong attitude. I CAN do it!

The scale was BRUTAL this morning, with a Capital B. I still do not understand how in hell I can gain soooo quickly..admittedly yes, I've eaten things that no one has any business eating when trying to lose weight...BUT, I also know for a fact that there was no way that I consumed over 3500 calories on a daily basis for weeks...impossible..so I don't get it. I don't get how the scale can move so drastically. Now I'm just praying that it goes back down just as quickly!

244.4

Hard to not wince at that, when just a few short weeks ago I was looking at the back end of 228..

It's just a number. A number that I have the power to change.
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Old 05-29-2013, 03:55 PM   #1333
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Yes, and you WILL change that number! I love hearing that you have that excitement back. That can only help you do everything you want for yourself!

Are you looking for stationary bikes? Walmart has one I've been interested in. It's inexpensive, folds up, and is supposed to be pretty quiet and have a comfortable seat (all of these things are important to me - you may have other preferences of course). It's called Exerpeutic Space Saver Magnetic Upright Exercise Bike with Heart Pulse Sensors on their website. I almost ordered it, and then talked myself out if it because I wanted to lose more before committing to a regular exercise routine. There's some discussion over on the JUDDD threads about how exercise may stall losses, and I don't need any more of that!

You're doing great, and I have no doubts you'll be seeing smaller scale numbers before long.
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Old 05-29-2013, 05:42 PM   #1334
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Thank you LCG!
Yes, exercise bikes is what I want. I'm looking at an airdyne type because I like being able to workout my arms at the same time..I had one a long time ago that was amazing. Much as I would love to have one that folded up so I could get it out of the way..I figure with it in the way is a small price to pay for getting healthy If our kids were all gone I'd just re-do a room with all exercise equipment...someday!

Looking forward to new numbers..today's was really hard to take. Having a bit of the hungries today and trying very hard to stay out of the kitchen!!
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Old 05-30-2013, 02:51 AM   #1335
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D- I know how brutal that scale can be, but hang in there!!!
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Old 05-30-2013, 07:11 AM   #1336
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Honey, I here ya on the scale thing! I told my DD yesterday that I need a new one but I'm afraid it will be worse than old one. and you know, you're right about it being more than just lbs. We gals can hold on to (seemingly) tons of water. 1500 cals sounds good and doable. I'm right here with ya!

Re: the stationary bike, I have one and currently I'm using it. Mine is a 'magnetic' type, very quiet and does not have arm movement, but I'm actually glad. I think it would be really hard on my back. I do plan to add handheld weights to the routine when I feel stronger. Just go for it ladies (LoCarbGal), it's easily done and moves out of the way easily. As for exercise slowing weight loss, I think the benefits outweigh the possible slowing of pounds lost. Makes you feel good, builds muscle (which in turn burns more calories) and is a mental 'boost' to the brain.
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Old 05-30-2013, 07:28 AM   #1337
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It IS just a number girl! Stay away from it for a while. You are getting to a better place. That means a lot too!
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Old 05-30-2013, 07:49 AM   #1338
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Re: the stationary bike, I have one and currently I'm using it. Mine is a 'magnetic' type, very quiet and does not have arm movement, but I'm actually glad. I think it would be really hard on my back. I do plan to add handheld weights to the routine when I feel stronger. Just go for it ladies (LoCarbGal), it's easily done and moves out of the way easily. As for exercise slowing weight loss, I think the benefits outweigh the possible slowing of pounds lost. Makes you feel good, builds muscle (which in turn burns more calories) and is a mental 'boost' to the brain.
Thanks for that Blonde. I totally agree with you about the benefits of the exercise. My head knows that, but then when the scale goes up or stays the same, I feel myself panicking. I don't know what I can do about being so scale-centric. Intellectually, I'm there. Emotionally...not so much!
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Old 05-30-2013, 09:01 AM   #1339
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D- I know how brutal that scale can be, but hang in there!!!
Ugh, I couldn't believe it when I saw it! I don't have a choice but to hang in there, I refuse to go into my life with hubby being heavy!

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It IS just a number girl! Stay away from it for a while. You are getting to a better place. That means a lot too!
I plan on staying away from the scale and only weighing on Fridays...I *did* weigh today tho' because I just couldn't believe that # yesterday.. it's moving down already!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blonde with a Rose View Post
Honey, I here ya on the scale thing! I told my DD yesterday that I need a new one but I'm afraid it will be worse than old one. and you know, you're right about it being more than just lbs. We gals can hold on to (seemingly) tons of water. 1500 cals sounds good and doable. I'm right here with ya!

Re: the stationary bike, I have one and currently I'm using it. Mine is a 'magnetic' type, very quiet and does not have arm movement, but I'm actually glad. I think it would be really hard on my back. I do plan to add handheld weights to the routine when I feel stronger. Just go for it ladies (LoCarbGal), it's easily done and moves out of the way easily. As for exercise slowing weight loss, I think the benefits outweigh the possible slowing of pounds lost. Makes you feel good, builds muscle (which in turn burns more calories) and is a mental 'boost' to the brain.
You should just suck it up and buy a new one now...doing that in the beginning of your new plan will be better than losing with the old and then having to buy a new one in the middle of your journey and have it say something "bad"... like what I went through! Learn from my mistakes, woman!!

My app says that 1500 cals will let me lose 1-2lbs a week and reach goal by next June. I'm happy with that. I'm not really even focused on that right now..I'm just working to get to 199 by Oct!!


---------------------
So yep, I got on the scale.

Down a pound. Must have been all that water I drowned myself with and my calories were pretty right on.. I even managed my vitamins too!

It feels really really really good to be in control again!

I forgot to tell you guys, I got my P!NK blankie the day before yesterday!!! I LOVE it! One of a kind and so pretty...well, at least I think it is!

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Old 05-30-2013, 09:18 AM   #1340
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Found some old pics of me waaay back when..about 12 yrs ago or so...

At Disneyland w/ the kiddos...about 180 here..


About 155-160'ish???..my clothes were too big here..
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Old 05-30-2013, 10:42 AM   #1341
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Danielle it's nice to be thinner but I mean this sincerely~ you may have been thinner but you are more beautiful now than ever. Sincerely. Gorgeous woman.

As for getting a scale now, you're right! I think that whole scale debacle is what threw you so hard earlier this year. I have to suck it up, but....it's so hard to put money into something that's going to torture me once a week forever.

LCGal~ We have all had 'scale' issues. It's important to weigh, but more important NOT to weigh more than once a week. Too many things (water, TOM, lack of fiber) can cause the scale to bounce every single day. If there is one day a week that you typically feel thinner (for me it's thursday, go figure) then choose that day. You know how sometimes you feel real skinny and the scale shows a gain? Demoralizing. Once. a. week. Right Danielle?
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Old 05-30-2013, 11:04 AM   #1342
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Hey lady! Popping in to be nosy...LOL.
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Old 05-30-2013, 12:11 PM   #1343
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WOE: Chris Powell's Carb Cycling
Start Date: 9/16/13
HA! Ain't this the truth!

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Old 05-30-2013, 12:24 PM   #1344
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Originally Posted by DesertGurl View Post
HA! Ain't this the truth!

Love it! So true.

I have finally gotten past worrying about if people are looking at me or judging me at the gym...I get flushed and I usually get pretty sweaty, but that's what I'm there to accomplish.

Hope you're having a great day!
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Old 05-30-2013, 02:01 PM   #1345
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WOE: Chris Powell's Carb Cycling
Start Date: 9/16/13
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Originally Posted by Blonde with a Rose View Post
Danielle it's nice to be thinner but I mean this sincerely~ you may have been thinner but you are more beautiful now than ever. Sincerely. Gorgeous woman.

As for getting a scale now, you're right! I think that whole scale debacle is what threw you so hard earlier this year. I have to suck it up, but....it's so hard to put money into something that's going to torture me once a week forever.

LCGal~ We have all had 'scale' issues. It's important to weigh, but more important NOT to weigh more than once a week. Too many things (water, TOM, lack of fiber) can cause the scale to bounce every single day. If there is one day a week that you typically feel thinner (for me it's thursday, go figure) then choose that day. You know how sometimes you feel real skinny and the scale shows a gain? Demoralizing. Once. a. week. Right Danielle?
Aw, thank you! DH tells me all the time that I just keep gettin better with age I guess so, huh?! It's either that, or I've gotten better at makeup application!

Go for the scale..it'll sting at first but then it gets easier! It definitely threw me, and probably is what got me on the slippery slope. At least now I know I have an accurate scale and just keep moving downwards.

LCG~ Blonde's right, we all have scale issues! I'm probably the post child for it. I do totally get why you do weigh every day, seeing that number move down is addicting..but when it doesn't move the right way, boy does it create so much doubt and chaos in the head. Exercise is so good for you, and I would think it is creating a smaller shape which IMHO is alot better than a number. I'd take weighing heavier if I looked lighter! We're all individuals and we all do what we want, and you've certainly had an awesome ride so far! Just some food for thought and I know you'll do what's best for you!


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Hey lady! Popping in to be nosy...LOL.
Heya! Nose away!
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Old 05-30-2013, 02:23 PM   #1346
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Blonde and Danielle, you are right about the scale chaos. I agree about wanting to look smaller rather than weigh smaller!

D, you absolutely, positively look 10-20 years younger now than you did in those "thinner" pictures! What is your secret??? Maybe it's being happier, less stressed, or just more at peace with yourself and your life? Whatever it is, you'll just get more and more beautiful as you lose. But then, you're starting out a beauty already!
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Old 05-30-2013, 02:53 PM   #1347
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WOE: Chris Powell's Carb Cycling
Start Date: 9/16/13
This is kinda what I ended up doing. I feel so much better for it!

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Old 05-30-2013, 03:01 PM   #1348
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WOE: Chris Powell's Carb Cycling
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Originally Posted by LoCarbGal View Post
Blonde and Danielle, you are right about the scale chaos. I agree about wanting to look smaller rather than weigh smaller!

D, you absolutely, positively look 10-20 years younger now than you did in those "thinner" pictures! What is your secret??? Maybe it's being happier, less stressed, or just more at peace with yourself and your life? Whatever it is, you'll just get more and more beautiful as you lose. But then, you're starting out a beauty already!
You're too sweet! No idea what my secret it...really..
Well, my life is a complete 180 from where it was at the time those pictures were taken. Sooooo much has changed and during the time of all that weight loss I was going through a crap-ton of drama with my in-laws. Honestly do not know how I was able to keep going with the losing...perhaps it's because I felt like it was all that I could control, I dunno? .....or maybe it's that my puffy cheeks now just make me look younger? ....and that leads me to wondering when I lose a bunch of weight if I'm gonna look "old" again.
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Old 05-30-2013, 05:04 PM   #1349
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Originally Posted by DesertGurl View Post
You're too sweet! No idea what my secret it...really..
Well, my life is a complete 180 from where it was at the time those pictures were taken. Sooooo much has changed and during the time of all that weight loss I was going through a crap-ton of drama with my in-laws. Honestly do not know how I was able to keep going with the losing...perhaps it's because I felt like it was all that I could control, I dunno? .....or maybe it's that my puffy cheeks now just make me look younger? ....and that leads me to wondering when I lose a bunch of weight if I'm gonna look "old" again.
You goofball. No! It's not that at all! It's in the eyes. Your eyes looked tired and now they are bright and lively and full of laughter.
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Old 05-30-2013, 05:24 PM   #1350
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WOE: Chris Powell's Carb Cycling
Start Date: 9/16/13
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoCarbGal View Post
You goofball. No! It's not that at all! It's in the eyes. Your eyes looked tired and now they are bright and lively and full of laughter.
Heehee!!

Well, you know how when something's "so" inflated and then goes down with nowhere to go? That's what I'm afraid will happen and I'll end up looking about 100 years old!
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