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Old 05-12-2013, 01:14 PM   #301
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Happy mothers day! I'm so proud of you!
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Old 05-12-2013, 08:16 PM   #302
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Warning: blathering ahead.

A few weeks ago I went to Kansas and took a seminar for my work. One of the sessions involved a book called "the dream manager". It really spoke to me. I downloaded it and read it on the plane back home. Today, I wanted to "do" part of the book, and start to make my list of 100 dreams I have for myself. I don't know what it says about me that I had such a hard time coming up with 100, in every category suggested except health. I know what I want to do for myself health-wise; it was everywhere else that I got bogged down. I could also add lots of stuff to the "what I want for my store" list, butnwhenit came to making a list of 100 things I want for myself, I was stumped.

I have a few things I need to see closure with. I do know that.

So many "wishes" have a financial component and we are so damned broke these days* that it is hard to even dream. I make a note of "house" and that list is really so long - I'm now on the THIRD summer of saying "this year we are fixing up the backyard so I can enjoy sitting outside." But there are always other things that need the money first. Also, I hate to buy a second-rate something and then later, when we can afford the nice version, not be able to justify buying it because we have something that is "fine."

*it may not be fair to claim "broke" when we do have income and will have more. But my husband was out of work for more than a year and is still waiting on the pay-out from this job. So my stress level stays high as I worry about paying bills. He is worried, too, but deals with his stress differently than I do. Guess how I deal? Well, I was 275 pounds a year and a half ago, so that should answer that. Of course, now I focus on NOT eating what I'm not supposed to. Instead of thinking about what bill is due next, I read this website obsessively. Yay, distraction! But with sme nice health benefits! I'm being somewhat sarcastic with this (we really need a sarcasm font) but it is also true: I've traded one food-related stress distraction for another. Before, I would cook and make treats and now I do the same, on,y lowcarb.

So, back to the wish thing. It was a great easy read - about two hours for the who,e thing. It gave me some insight about myself I didn't expect. And I keep thinking about what it is that I'm wishing for.

There have been some strange confluences in my life recently. My past, is rises up to greet me, and I do wonder sometimes what I'm supposed to do with all of it. I a, not a religious one, but I am spiritual, ad I wonder about why I didn't get one phone call the other night, but I did get another. I wonder if my happiness - my self-esteem? - is tied to a number on the scale OR if with that number I allow myself to do things that I've believed in the past I could or should not.

I'm doing way more navel-gazing right now than I should, but it has been quite a week.

Everything that rises must converge... unless it does not. Does it? And do I need to have wishes? Is my over-all lack of wish-having something I need to worry about?

Al of this on a day that is supposed to be about being a mom. Ultimately, I thought a lot more about what it is to be me. My expectations for this day were that I'd be let-down, and my husband and son did exactly that. Self-fulfilling prophecy? Perhaps. I do know that a year ago I had "only" lost about 30 pounds and didn't feel like it showed at all. Now I'm down a little more than 60. A year from now I hope to be at goal. Will I be happier? Will I have my wish list in order? I know that there will have had to be some changes.one way or another. I will have to made peace with some things so I can move on.

Editing to add that I'm posting this without a bunch of editing. I may regret that later, but I needed to let this out. It would have been even better to hand-write it, but this is my outlet these days.

Last edited by JMacB; 05-12-2013 at 08:18 PM..
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Old 05-13-2013, 04:54 AM   #303
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Up another .2 - my yummy dinner may be that cause. I certainly enjoyed my Mother's Day steak with blue cheese, so lets see how the next few days shake out.

My to-do list is nearly impossible. This week will test my mettle for sure, and then next week school is out. Eek!!!
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Old 05-14-2013, 04:55 AM   #304
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213.8 still, and feeling good.

Another crazy day ahead, and tonight I've been invited to join a women's organization and the reception is tonight. No idea if there will be food I can eat or not, so assuming not.
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Old 05-15-2013, 06:51 AM   #305
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I guess I'm going to be stuck at 213.8 for a month now (she said sarcastically). It's okay, just how I lose. I should expect nothing else.

I am trying to exercise every day, though I realize I need to step it up. My mile-plus is only about 20 minutes. Gotta increase that. I want to have shapely legs and blah blah blah. I need to find someone to meet with me every day so I don't get bored.

I also need to get to work and stop playing on the Internet this morning. Off we go!
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Old 05-16-2013, 04:24 AM   #306
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213.2. Maybe I AM on a downward trend. Feeling good.

Yesterday was a strange day - I had an event at my store last night so I got home late, and ate lunch rather than dinner. But I need to get almonds out of my house. OUT! I am too tempted to grab a handful.

A week from today summer starts. I do not yet own a bathing suit I can wear. In January I bought one on sale in a size 14 that I don't think fits. I dread bathing suit shopping, and I need to do it ASAP.
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Old 05-17-2013, 04:54 AM   #307
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213.2. And yesterday I had so many people tell me I had lost weight - so either something is changing in my face or it's the shirt I had on. Crazily, the shirt is a size 3x the I bought when I weighed 275 and nearly cried when I put it on. I mean, WTH with calling this a 3x? It is the same size as my size 18s. Anyway, yesterday I was told several times that I was looking good, so yay!

My mom and dad are doing Atkins. And of course my dad is doing better than my mom which is so frustrating for her. He was so happy that it was day 15 and he could have alcohol again. Not real sure what version he is doing, but that's my dad.

I never exercised yesterday. I need to start getting up and doing it before the day starts, because my day is getting busier each week. My thighs are killing me and I know I need to exercise the pain out.
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Old 05-17-2013, 09:57 AM   #308
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Julia, you are doing so well -- I am so happy for you! Thank you so much for your lovely message -- I actually just got it. I am coming back to the boards after a long hiatus of three months! Tony will need heart surgery after all - he is scheduled for the surgery next Friday so needless to say, I am a nervous wreck. I have been so preoccupied with getting him well again (it was a rough three months and lets just leave it at that) and work that I have strayed from communication and low carbing. I hopped back on the low carb regime during the last week of April and so far so good.

It was wonderful to see you doing so well! Congratulations! And I've missed you so it is great catching up on your posts. xo xo xo Love, Gail
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Old 05-17-2013, 05:04 PM   #309
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Wonderful to see Gail's smiling face back on these boards. Truly made my morning!

Now, for a vent: I am so, so, SO tired of planning the meals for people who don't eat the same way I do. My husband and son eat a SAD of crap. Nothing is going to change it, since they are both naturally thin. But I am in charge of food in this house, and I am going to thrown a plate the next times ask what everyone wants for dinner and get "I don't know" for the reply. Well, I DON'T EITHER. I am fine with a hamburger patty and steamed broccoli drenched in butter. Oh? You "aren't in the mood" for the five things I've suggested? Well, then please help yourself to the kitchen.

I'm also hyper aware of throwing money away aka throwing away food that is spoiled. So I shop every two or three days and only buy what we will eat. So, no, there isn't a lot to pick from. This isn't Julia's House of 99 Choices.

It hasn't helped that we are in the last days of school and just finished crazy times at work and I am out of sync. I need a good trip to the grocery store by myself, followed by a chopping and cooking binge. Except we re going to the lake next weekend and school is out and blah blah blah. It's justices of crazy for a few days and then we will settle into the new crazy.

In the meanwhile, tonight I made chicken salad. Henry wanted pb&j, Michael had a chicken salad sandwich, and I'm really hopping I can restrain myself from eating allllll the almonds!
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Old 05-18-2013, 04:36 AM   #310
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212.2!!!!!!!

No freaking idea what is going on, but I'll take it!

I have been doing about 30 minutes a day of exercise but that's it. And drinking the Walmart brand of diet tang (morning sunrise?) like it's the best thing ever, because it is my favorite right now. It's helping me not snack at night, which has to be the key.

Holy smokes I can't believe it!
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Old 05-18-2013, 04:52 AM   #311
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Yay -- 212 pounds! That is great! You are almost to onderland! Regarding making dinners for your low carbers, is there any way that you can put your husband in charge of making his dinner and your son's dinner two or three nights a week? That takes some of the burden off of you. It must be really hard to do low carb living with two skinny dudes who can eat whatever they want!
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Old 05-19-2013, 05:33 AM   #312
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211.2 I have no idea what is going on BUT I WILL TAKE IT!

Damn. And yesterday I ate a pretty good amount. I had sausage and a OMM for breakfast, the top of a slice of cheese pizza for lunch and salad and a hamburger for dinner. And some almonds which are finally gone so I won't keep grabbing those. I swear, I think it's that Henry and I drink 2 quarts of that orange drink. At night I have glasses of that instead of snacking.

I also think it it the return of warm weather. I do so much better when I'm not cold and miserable. I exercise a little each day - but honestly it's just 30 minutes or so. Enough to get my blood moving.
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Old 05-20-2013, 04:23 AM   #313
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210.4

I just can't believe this, but I check and double check the scales. I'm pretty pleased, I must say.

I had the worst night's sleep last night. It has been a while since I've had that level of insomnia. I will be a wreck today, though I am considering coming home from taking Henry and going back to sleep. I won't, of course, but I'm considering it. Instead I think I will do 40 minutes of Wii fit, then go to work.

I cannot believe I weigh 210.
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Old 05-20-2013, 06:45 AM   #314
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Go Julia! 210 is fantastic! You are almost in onderland!
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Old 05-20-2013, 08:20 PM   #315
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Every night I assume I'll wake up the next day and see 221. I'm not going to lie, that's what I expect.

I ate salad for dinner at a meeting and it had a syrupy dressing. Bleh. But I'm not going to start obsessing and micro-scrutinizing every bite. There lies the road to madness. I've been really pleased with what has happened in the past week, and I'm going to enjoy it.
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Old 05-21-2013, 04:27 AM   #316
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210.8

Up a wee bit, but I won't beat myself up over it. I had salted almonds and that salad yesterday and it's my TOM. And I'm still down 4 pounds in a week. Overall I am thrilled!

I just looked up and there was a medifast commercial on tv. I am so happy that I've done this with real food, not something like medifast. I'm sure I could have lost that way, but I would have been miserable and no way I would have made it this long. Instead, I spent my money on steak and bacon! A MUCH better trade-off, I think.
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Old 05-22-2013, 04:40 AM   #317
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Up a smidge again, 211.2. Not sure what I did yesterday but I'm going to try to not over-think it.

Today I am volunteering at Henry's school until he is out at 12, then I have to rush to work to get an order placed by 1:30 and then summer officially begins!

Headed to the lake for the weekend - mom and dad are on Atkins now so I'm going to have a lot easier time this summer than last. On the menu for this weekend is the usual - burgers and steak and smoked chicken - but mom won't be making all the carby crap breakfasts that I had to eat around. I am going to bake us a batch muffins rather than do them one at a time in the microwave.

I am so beyond thankful for this website mad all the resources I have found through it. It is going to save us this summer!
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Old 05-22-2013, 09:06 AM   #318
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I totally agree with you about MediFast! Yay for summer! It is great that your mom and dad are on Atkins -- good for them and it mnakes things easier for you!

You are going to have a GREAT summer. Low carb adapts nicely for summer cookouts and outings when there is a grille around!
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Old 05-23-2013, 04:53 AM   #319
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Still up, a bit. 211.2.

I'm going to assume that the rapid weight-loss I experinced last week is settling in on me now, and hopefully I'll work my way down a few more pounds soon. I'm so close to being in the 20_s. That is going to be AMAZING.

It can be so tempting to try a "quick" solution, but I think they ultimately backfire on me. Or I'm just not disciplined enough for them.

In "my life" news, yesterday was Henry's last day of first grade. I only almost cried once, thanking his teacher for the great year. Now it is summer. Today I'm foisting him off on a friend so I can go get a mani/pedi I need so much, and to go buy a bathing suit. I have bathing suits that are too small. Overly optimistic about when I'd be by now. Also I don't like super-tight. But I have to find one since I'm taking some boys to a water park tomorrow. Then to the lake for the weekend. Summertime and the living is easy...
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Old 05-23-2013, 06:41 PM   #320
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I spent an hour trying on bathing suits today. Goode lowered is that depressing. I ended up with two new bras and two bathing suits. Not ones I love, but I can swim this weekend.

The hardest part was that I don't know what size I wear. And I tried on sizes that I thought should fit and they were sooooo uncomfortable. I kept going up and up in sizes to where I was when I started this change to Atkins 16 months ago. That was so damn depressing I thought I would cry.

Actually, the hardest part was going back into Lane Giant to buy clothes. I never wanted to walk through those doors again. I try to be patient, but sometimes it is hard.
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Old 05-24-2013, 04:27 AM   #321
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210.8. Headed back down!

I have no idea how this weekend will be, but I do feel like I'll be in the 20_s before June. That is huge for me.

Today I'm spending all day at the water park. The challenge is going to be food. I can bring a cooler to the parking lot, but not inside, and I can't just run out to grab stuff (we will go out for lunch, since I'm way too cheap to buy the food inside) since it is too far and I'll be with young kids. I may have a fat bomb for breakfast and take some almonds just in case.

The other challenge will be to avoid sunburn. I am using a new sunscreen this year that isn't so filled with chemicals. As I get my food more "pure" it's funny how I feel that way about everything.
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Old 05-24-2013, 04:22 PM   #322
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Ugh. My professional - not enemy, but competitor - just got elected to a board of directors based on what I think are pretty sketchy versions of the truth. So basically I'm feeling lower than I should. I won't eat my feelings, but damn is it tempting. I served 4 years on this board and was the president. I just don't think she is doing it for the right reasons.

Okay. Just had to get that out.
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Old 05-24-2013, 07:25 PM   #323
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Oh my god I just want to eat everything.

I have actually gone on to bed so I won't just go start eating something random.

So far tonight I've eaten two roast beef and cheese roll ups with iceberg lettuce. And some rondele cheese on lettuce "chips".

What I've considered and abstained from:
Handful of almonds
Spoonful of peanut butter
Drinking an Atkins shake
Making an egg cream
Making a faux Wendy's shake
Making cheese crackers
Almond thins
Going to the store to get something like sugar free chocolate

In other words, I HAD to go to bed. It is only my hope. Well, that and laziness.
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Old 05-25-2013, 06:03 AM   #324
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Congratulations on sticking to your guns and your diet plan. You are doing really well. I know what you mean about wanting to eat everything. I sometimes want to eat my feelings too when I feel bad or anxious. I also think your competitor's shady ways will be exposed in the future. Remember karma is indeed a ***** and what comes around, goes around. She will be exposed for sure.
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Old 05-26-2013, 07:40 AM   #325
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So I'm at the lake. My brother is, and has always been, a total *******. It is amazing. He lost a bunch of weight on a medifast type program a few years ago and has mostly regained it. Instead of being happy and supportive of what we are doing, he makes snide remarks about what we are eating.

(Oops you can't cuss on here. Basically he's a booty)

So now I have a revenge-based goal. I want to get thin and see him be fat and I know I'm 44 but I want to be immature and have revenge. Ha.

This is the only place I can say something like that.

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Old 05-26-2013, 01:41 PM   #326
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Julia, stick to your guns. You are doing super well on low carb and shame on him for not being supportive. Besides, he is lucky to have someone as kind, smart, interesting, accomplished and funny as you for a sister.
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Old 05-27-2013, 06:05 AM   #327
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Gail, you are just the best. Really you are. I appreciate you more than I can say.

Yesterday was so strange. We have some dynamic going on here, but I'm not sure that the common denominator isn't me. I spent a good part of the day in bed with a headache.

I ate too much yesterday, but it was all on-plan food. Olives and almonds being my downfall as always. For dinner we had smoked chicken with white barbecue sauce and it was so damn good. I want to buy an electric smoker because I could eat that daily. We marinated legs and thighs in a mix of vegetable oil, lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, pepper and garlic salt. I could eat a plate for breakfast right now it was so good.

I was going to make the almond chocolate cake yesterday but our Internet went out and I didn't have the recipe. I am going to make it this morning so I can have a bite before I go back to Birmingham. I won't be tempted to overeat it this way.
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Old 05-27-2013, 06:27 AM   #328
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You are the best too and I applaud you for staying on plan during a stressful situation. Family dynamics can be really awful sometimes but you are doing the right thing by staying on plan and igoring your brother's comments. The smoked chicken sounds divine by the way and so does the chocolate almond cake!

When we get back from seeing Tony at the hospital, I might grill some burgers for me and Tony's dad. It is finally sunny here in Boston -- sunny but a tad chilly. Still I will take it. It must be gorgeous in Alabama! Enjoy your Memorial Day! xo
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Old 05-27-2013, 03:59 PM   #329
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Back home, but Henry stayed at the lake with my mom and dad. I have big plans for getting my life organized this week. Lets see if I can do it!

This morning, I was the cook and made bacon for everyone and then eggs. Usually we have scrambled eggs for everyone - we usually have between 10-20 people, so it is easier. But today we just had 8 and I had the griddle out, so I got to make eggs just like everyone wanted them. It was nice to have over-easy eggs for me and my dad, sunny-side up for one, over-hard for another, etc.

Then I made the chocolate fudge almond flour cake. Holy smokes is that the best. Had a few bites, brought some back, but it was nice to have something we can enjoy when everyone else has brownies and ice cream.

I also had a few smoked chicken legs with white barbecue sauce before I left. That's all the food for me today I think. When I got home I went for a two-mile walk and it is warm out.

I will step on the scales in the morning. We will see.
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Old 05-28-2013, 04:49 AM   #330
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After the weekend I'm up a bit. Going to double-down this week to take care of that. Even on-plan indulgences are still indulgences.
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