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-   -   This is Hooligan... (http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/weight-loss-journals/780046-hooligan.html)

Hooligan 08-05-2012 05:53 PM

This is Hooligan...
 
Hi, I'm Hooligan...Of course, my name's not really Hooligan but you knew that already didn't you? In my real life, I am an insecure, obese redhead. Now when I say insecure, let me clarify...I'm not insecure in the sense that I need constant reassurance that I'm worthy or any of that BS...I just mean that I am, and always have been insecure about my looks. Growing up a redhead, I was teased horribly...One of the choicer nicknames I was called in middle school was "tampon head." Cute, huh...don't you just love middle school kids.

Also, on the few, rare occasions that I was slim, I garnered a bit of attention, come-on's and catcalls and I can honestly say it made me really uncomfortable. I think on some level, I must have made myself this way to escape attention. But that was many years ago and my confidence in who I am as a person is so much better (my body image excluded) than it was when I was younger. I'm ready to embrace my life and not just watch it go by. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for lewd comments from creepy strangers (as a redhead I've heard the "carpet matching the drapes" thing a time or two) but I want to feel healthy, vibrant, sexy! I want to want my husband's attention. I'm CERTAIN he wants me to want his attention. But honestly, right now, I can't stand the site of myself.

I often wonder if my inability to lose weight and keep it off is a sabotaging technique I've perfected because of my fear of attention and being happy. :dunno: Who knows... What I do know is that I AM SICK OF FEELING THIS WAY. In my professional life, I continually push myself outside my comfort zone...why can't I do that in my personal life? By nature, I am a shy, introverted person. But I wanted more from my career than I had so I pushed myself outside my comfort zone and became a registered nurse. From there, I became a teacher. So, professionally I am willing to put myself in the spotlight...why can't I just do this with my weight?

I have been on and off more diets than I care to even admit and have always lived my life either on a diet, binging right before a diet, or cheating on a diet. I feel that losing weight is about as tangible of a goal as catching a tail is to a spinning dog. I did lose 50 pounds once...but that was almost 15 years ago, in my final year of college. I had found the low carb way of eating and finally, caught my tail. But as you know, a dog can never hold onto its own tail for long and I slipped and fell back into my old ways. Since then, I have been on and off the low carb bandwagon numerous times. I've also given Weight Watches a sizable chunk of money over the years, and have also tried "doing my own thing" a time or two. Overall, I think sustainable weight loss for me has been a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Sometimes, I don't even think it really exists for me.

Anyway, I'm not really sure where this post is going, but I think if maybe I come back here and document my journey, I can better see where I've been and where I want to be and how I'm going to get there. So here I go! Starting weight was 245 on 8/2/12. I will be weighing in every Monday.

If you're reading this, thanks for taking the time!

~Hooligan

leisha 08-05-2012 06:03 PM

:hugs: So much of that rings true for me too!
Quote:

I want to want my husband's attention. I'm CERTAIN he wants me to want his attention. But honestly, right now, I can't stand the site of myself.
...especially this! I'm so disappointed with myself lately! I wish you luck on your journey! :shake:

Hooligan 08-05-2012 06:14 PM

Thanks leisha! Good luck to both of us! I stole your ticker by the way...I hope you don't mind!

leisha 08-05-2012 06:17 PM

Love you ticker! ;) Now let's see if we can make them start moving down this week! :shake::high5:

Happy2be 08-05-2012 10:49 PM

Hey there Hooligan. You can definitely do anything that you put your mind to. This has been a journey for me, but I can tell you that these have been the keys to my success. 1. Having a journal and being accountable has been huge. I post whether I had a good day or bad day and I am always honest.
2. Realizing that this is a lifetime thing, I will always be watching what I eat. So if I indulge in something I shouldn't, I don't dwell on it, I don't feel bad about it, I accept it and accept it if the scale moves. I just get right back to it. 3. Having mini goals has been huge for me. It helps me focus on a number other than the end number, then once I get there its on to the next number. 4. Exercise isn't the devil. LOL I have never been a big fan of exercise, but as I get healthier I find that its easier to exercise and want to exercise. I have always hated running, but have been thinking about starting to run. We will see if I do it, like it and continue.

Sorry for highjacking your journal but just wanted to encourage you. Looking forward to following along on your journey!!! :D

Hooligan 08-06-2012 07:40 AM

Well, I am down 10 pounds from Thursday this morning!! :jumpjoy: Now, I know a majority of that is fluid loss and I can definitely tell by the fact that I can see my ankles again! I'm certain next week's weigh in will be a much small loss if anything at all. I also need to not weigh myself until next Monday. I am a habitual weigher and for me, that is bad. I get frustrated and discouraged when I don't see movement for a couple days and I really want to stay positive this time around. If I don't see a loss next week I have to remind myself that I had a huge one this week and that that's O.K., even if I am on induction.

Melanie: thanks for the advice! This is my first attempt at keeping a journal...I just hope I keep it going. I feel like I'm always starting things and never finishing them. Another reason to implement your mini goal idea. Check off one mini goal at a time. My first goal will be to simply stay on plan this week. The second goal will be to lose 10% of my body weight, which is 24 pounds. I'm not going to set a date for the 10 percent though...I think I will just document when I meet that goal. Finally, the exercise thing...that's a big one for me. I fight that one all the time and tell myself "I don't have time" or come up with any number of excuses as to why I can't fit it in...I have little kids, the husband came home late from work, I don't like working out at home, blah, blah, blah,...I need to do something though and I need to stop making excuses! Keep pushing me on the exercise thing...I need that! :)

Happy2be 08-06-2012 08:17 AM

Ok I will. I don't exercise every day yet, but I always go to ZUMBA on Thursdays and DH just knows that is my night. Sometimes I make it to the gym other days, but thats extra. :)

Way to go on the 10 lbs!!!

Glad that you made a mini goal. Make a reward for it too, non food related of course!!! ( I used to reward myself with food) Oh I lost 5 lbs, lets eat something off plan... Bad idea. :D

We can do this!!! One step at a time!!!

DesertGurl 08-06-2012 09:04 AM

Hi! :)

Just wanting to wish you well on your journey. I'll be here to cheer you on, if you don't mind.

I think you'll find having a journal will help alot. You will get to know a bunch of lovely people, where the support is priceless. I started one a while back and have managed to keep it going somewhat...I've had a few months here in there where it was spotty because I was struggling, but it kept me coming back at any rate. This time around I've managed to stick it out REGARDLESS of my progress. I have had a hard time losing this time around and the frustration gets to me, but I refuse to give up. It's my turn now to finally reach my goals! Just like it's YOUR TURN! ;)

My kids are older now, but I can relate to the little kids thing during my prior endeavors into weight loss. It's hard! I think if you have the support of your husband will make things alot easier in terms of having him recognizing when you need help to exercise, to stick to plan, etc. Before ya know it, everyone in the fam will want what you're eating instead of their stuff...that's what happens here. :lol:Made it alot easier to switch my entire family to this lifestyle!

Exercise used to be a 4 letter word in my house.. :rolleyes: I'm easing into it now and really look forward to my 3-4 mile walks with my husband every night. I am debating about doing a half-marathon next year..Terrified!

Just remember, one foot in front of the other, no matter what happens. I have a tendancy to forget this, so I'm reminding both of us. LOL You already know there will be challenging times where you're tired, the scale refuses to budge, you don't want to exercise, whatever... you CAN do this!

Portia 08-06-2012 10:31 AM

Just jumping in to lend my support. I can relate to a lot of what you posted and am trying to work up the courage to start my own journal. You're doing great and on your way!

Jes (portia)

DesertGurl 08-06-2012 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Portia (Post 15853497)
Just jumping in to lend my support. I can relate to a lot of what you posted and am trying to work up the courage to start my own journal. You're doing great and on your way!

Jes (portia)

You should definitely start a journal! You'll get lots of support and it's a wonderful way to keep yourself accountable. I know it's scary, I was fighting it too, until Amber (Bejewelme) gave me a nudge. ;)

Hooligan 08-06-2012 12:25 PM

Portia, I'm new to journaling too...It's always been one of those things I was afraid to start because I was afraid it would be just one more thing I wouldn't finish...I can't think like that and neither should you. Just start one!

zipp2play 08-06-2012 01:35 PM

Hooligan - way to go! 10 pounds the first week is amazing! Keep up the good work girl!

Hooligan 08-07-2012 10:24 AM

So, I've been doing well on the eating front lately. I finally have my menus planned out and most of the shopping done. I've unfortunately been the maven of procrastination this summer and did not get nearly as much done as I wanted. Before school resumes on the 20th I still want to take my girls to our summer camping spot, clean out and organize my laundry room, go through all the girls' clothes and donate everything that doesn't fit and is still usable, do more curriculum planning, go back-to-school shopping, and the list goes on...That's a pretty big load for less than 2 weeks, but it's what I get for procrastinating. I did have a very full summer though. We took our first official family vacation (I have 2 girls ages 4 and 7) and went camping at Mammoth Cave, KY for 5 days. We had a great time going to Dinosaur World and exploring some of the local caves.

I also had to attend a two week training class for a course I'm teaching this fall. So that was two weeks away from home and my family, stuck by myself in Indianapolis. Classes all day and homework at night...ugh! That's two weeks of my summer I'll never get back! Granted I learned a great deal and met some terrific people, but my school's not compensating me for that time which really stinks! That's two extra weeks I was away from my family during the summer. Last year was my first year of teaching and I pretty much became a hermit for 9 months. My house was always trashed, my social life was practically nil, and I feel like I spent way too little time with my family. I know they say the 1st year of teaching is the hardest but jeeze...that was a rough one! One of my goals for this year is to better balance my work and home life. I ended up gaining almost 50 pounds last year from August on. I felt like I never had any extra time to plan out, shop for and cook good meals. I definitely think I'm much more prepared this year on that front.

Anyway, I also took my girls camping with my BFF and her son in South Haven, Michigan. We enjoyed the beach, campfires and blueberry picking. Overall that was a nice trip too. It would have been better if DH was there to help out but that aside, we still had fun. Tonight the girls and I are going to a local water park with 2 of my younger cousins...they're in their early 20's and still don't mind hanging out with me and my kids...you gotta love that! I plan on packing some low carb finger foods and just enjoying my time splashing with the kids. The only downside is that some of my student's work at this water park...Ugh...Nobody wants to see Mrs. D in a swim suit...I better not find out about any embarrassing pictures of me on FaceBook! Damn camera phones...Your not safe anywhere!!!

Well that's all I have for today...best wishes for a great day everyone!

~Hooligan

Portia 08-07-2012 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hooligan (Post 15853802)
Portia, I'm new to journaling too...It's always been one of those things I was afraid to start because I was afraid it would be just one more thing I wouldn't finish...I can't think like that and neither should you. Just start one!


Ok, ok - starting one today!! :)

Portia 08-07-2012 01:05 PM

Uh - how do I change the link to the name of my journal instead of the URL?

Hooligan 08-07-2012 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Portia (Post 15856495)
Uh - how do I change the link to the name of my journal instead of the URL?


I don't know if I can explain this well enough or not...but I'll give it a try.

When you look at the text in your signature, you'll see that the URL is in their twice...right after the 1st URL you'll see a bracket ] After the bracket but before [/URL] type in the name of your journal and it should change. This is what mine looks like:

URL="http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/weight-loss-journals/780046-hooligan.html#post15851979"]My Journal...such as it is[/URL]

Portia 08-07-2012 01:22 PM

Thanks, Hooligan. And sorry for the journal-jacking! :D

Hooligan 08-07-2012 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Portia (Post 15856548)
Thanks, Hooligan. And sorry for the journal-jacking! :D

No problem! I hope it helped!

Portia 08-07-2012 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hooligan (Post 15856551)
No problem! I hope it helped!

Ugh - I am not smart enough to do it!! Should I write in the bracket and delete something?

Hooligan 08-12-2012 02:58 PM

I had a great weekend! We went to our camper for a little bonding time and some well needed R&R. It was fabulous! I took the girls fishing for the first time and I'm so peeved at myself for not bringing my camera because my oldest DD caught a HUGE catfish!!! I had to help her bring it in, of course but I think she's totally hooked on fishing now. I'm so exciting because fishing is one of my favorite things to do. It's so funny, my DH always talked about how much he loved camping and hiking and fishing and whatnot but I feel like it's like pulling teeth to get him to do any of it. :confused: I don't know...I think he and I are a little too similar in some ways. Both of us enjoy doing fun things but neither of us really likes to take the wheel. I'm not really sure what that's all about but unless I plan something and do all the work we'll never do anything. It kind of sucks!

Food-wise, I was good too although I had way too much beer...even if it is low carb. I will not be surprised at all if I don't see a loss tomorrow. I won't even be surprised if I see a small gain. With that 10 pound loss from last week, and the beer I'll be lucky if I just stay the same!

Tomorrow I'm going pear picking over at the FIL's house. I plan on making pear sauce for the kiddos and just hope I can keep the spoon out of my mouth. The stuff is phenomenal! No sugar needed just poach, puree, add a little vanilla and cinnamon and it's the best stuff in the world.

Portia 08-12-2012 08:30 PM

Sounds like a great weekend! I'm getting mentally ready for a great, on-plan week. What's your meal plan looking like?

Happy2be 08-12-2012 11:05 PM

Sounds like a great weekend!!!!

Hooligan 08-14-2012 07:50 AM

OK...so as I expected, I didn't lose any weight this week. I'm ok with that though, really considering the 10 pounds last week. My goals for this week are to move into my new classroom, prep for the 1st week of school, and get my house as organized as I can. My menu for this week includes:

Chicken marsala with sauteed green beans
Chicken cordon bleu and steamed broccoli
Crockpot chicken and cream cheese and bacon stuffed mushrooms
Low carb deep dish pizza with a side salad
Ground turkey gyros with cucumber salad.

Portia 08-15-2012 09:24 AM

Great goals! Nice menu.

Crock-pot chicken and cream cheese? Would love that recipe...

Doggygirl 08-19-2012 07:47 AM

Hi Hooligan! I'm back for my 39573957 restart. I've been reading a lot for inspiration and noticed something you said in someone else's journal that I could really relate to. You talked about you new job and stress and one muffin that took you right back to carb land. Sugarcarbies are that way for me too. There is not, and never will be "moderation." I was at goal for over a year (for the second time) and then some holiday sweets at Christmas 2010 started the spiral. LOL I even tried WW for quite a while thinking that would be a way I could have my cake and eat it too. I suppose I am thankful for WW because without that, I would probably be 50 or more pounds up instead of 15 - 20.

Anyway....a kindred spirit here hoping you are having a good week.

DG

pooticus 08-19-2012 08:08 AM

Welcome :hiya: Hooligan.

You have an awesome writing style! We share a lot, no least of which is our love of Robert Frost poems! Your sig is my favorite Frost poem!

Good for you for taking control and glad you've started a journal. It's helped me sooooo much in my journey!! I have one here, plus now I also keep a food blog and a menus blog! So I journal everywhere lol! But it really does help you clarify and see exactly where you have areas cryin' for change!

Good luck and hope you like our home here at LCF!

Hooligan 08-20-2012 04:01 AM

OK...so life is about to get really busy again. Summer Break is over and the school year begins. Today starts it all out with yet another orientation laden with muffins, danish, and carbs lurking around every corner. I'm eating breakfast before I leave and bringing my own lunch today. I'm eager to get the new year started but I'm also anxious about all the anticipated work in store. Last year (my 1st) was so demanding...I feel like I worked nonstop for 9 months. Oh well, enough of that...New year, new start...new opportunities! This year I will balance work and leisure.

I have more to add but I'm running out of time right now. I did not lose again this week but am still holding that 10 pounds loss solidly so again...I will just keep plugging along. I feel much better and my energy level and my ability to focus is greatly improved so that alone is reason enough to stay the track. I will hopefully get back here again tonight before I go to bed.

pooticus 08-20-2012 08:46 AM

Hooligan, just keep at it. There is a very well-established well-known post induction stall that occurs at around week 3-5 sometimes! Just live the dream and keep your feet firmly planted on the path. You'll do it!

Happy2be 08-21-2012 10:09 PM

You can do it!!!! Be determined and anything is possible!!!!

Hooligan 08-24-2012 04:03 AM

OK...no time to post a lengthy entry right now...but I'm still here! Yeah! Down 5 more to 235!!!!! Yay me!


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