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Old 05-27-2012, 09:48 AM   #151
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JC, have a great day!
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Old 05-27-2012, 10:38 AM   #152
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Thank's for the support! All of your encouragement has been such a key to what success I have had. I don't think that I could have said no to carbs the times that I have without you guys keeping me accountable and being so supportive!

:l ove:

In fact, you guys have been more supportive than my mom and sister who are also on low carb. Yesterday at DD's bday party both of them were eating chocolate cake and telling me not to worry about it and just start back on Monday. Good intentions maybe, but I was really hoping for support and not sabotage. I even made a low carb cake so that we could have something yummy when everyone else was eating birthday cake. When I called my sister to tell her she told me she was PLANNING on eating the cake. My sister even tried to convince me to eat the chocolate cake saying that if she was going to hell (meaning eating chocolate cake and lots of other carbs), then she was taking me with me.

My mom was nice enough to have us all over for a bbq at her house after the party. But again, my mom and sister had thrown all low carb to the wind and ate burgers with buns, chips, more cake. I left the cake at my mom's house. If they want the cake, let them have it! But I won't go down with them!

I was not "perfect" but I was pretty good and did not eat enough carbs to kick myself out of ketosis (I think/hope!). I did have some fried chicken. But, that's not too bad if you don't have many other carbs and don't eat too much.

So, here is what I DID eat:

Breakfast: coffee and cream

Snack: 2 carb protein drink (about 160 calories)

Lunch: fried chicken (one piece)

Snack: Low carb cake, then later more fried chicken (15.7 carbs in 2 pieces)

Dinner: Lettuce wrapped hamburger, some strawberries, 1/2 apricot, one bite watermelon, one very small bite chocolate cake, more low carb cake.


I wanted to try a bite of the cake just to have a bite. And you know what? It was JUST CAKE! Nothing special. When I tried a bite I was like "Yeah, it's cake, nothing worth me compromising my goals for" I was expecting this chocolate gasm with closed eyes and a desire to eat it until I was nauseous. Nothing like that.

I think that I have really, I mean really, changed my mindset about food. When I see carbs, I'm starting to see food I just plain can't have. Not food I just have to have. And I was really disappointed in my mom and sister for just saying "it's a party, who cares". And the thing is, that would normally have been me! And it was like they were trying to make me feel bad for being the only one staying on plan. Like I was being a show off or a marter for eating my low carb stuff and refusing to have cake. I also served carrots, pineapple, and pretzels. I also had celery but there was no time to cut it up. I had a cooler bag I had brought full of low carb protein drinks and diet cola to help me out. And my mom and sister just went totally off.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not disappointed in them for giving in. I'm disappointed in them trying to get me to join them and making me feel bad about not joining them. And my mom has been doing Atkins on and off for the last 10 years! Maybe that's why for the past ten years she has never reached her goal weight. I am really proud of her though for all the weight she has lost. She was pretty large while I was growing up, and now she just has and extra 35 or so pounds on her she wants to lose.

I'm so glad that I have you guys here keeping me going. I knew that I had to be accountable here. You guys totally rock!!!!!
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Old 05-27-2012, 10:47 AM   #153
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Way to go, JC!!! I'm impressed with how you handled that situation. I think you did very well. Plus I understand how it is, like you said with the chocolate cake, that we want to indulge when the food is really food gasm (LOL) worthy, not when it is just OK. You made a good call.

Have a great Sunday! Just wanted to cheer you on and say hello!

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Old 05-27-2012, 10:59 AM   #154
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Oh, and the party was GREAT!

The weather was beautiful. It's funny though, we spent all that time decorating the clubhouse and it was so nice outside that the kids all wanted to play outside! It was great though. I had bought some kids sized badminton stuff that was enjoyed. The kids played with beach balls, rubber ducky fishing, the bean bag toss, balloons, the play equipment, and the hula girl and Hawaiian guy photo prop where they stick there heads through and get their pics taken. We did not even get to any of the games I had planned. The kids were just having so much fun doing their own thing. A lot of them were other home school kids, so they did not need organized games to have fun. They just had fun! I had Hawaiian music playing in the back ground that made the atmosphere tropical and everybody got leis, it was a total blast.

And after the party, and today, every muscle in my body can feel it! Between having to walk back and forth from the clubhouse to the beach every time my 3yo son escaped to go put his feet in the water, running around decorating, cleaning, trying to mingle evenly, doing damage control, blah, blah, blah..... Oh boy did I get TONS of exercise!!!!! My legs feel like I ran a marathon! On the down part, I did totally overdo it and was in massive amounts of pain, and still am. That all normally would have put me in pain, but combined with the fact that I forgot to take my meds this morning, not good ! But, by the grace of God, I was able to get through the day and still have tons of fun .
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Old 05-27-2012, 11:05 AM   #155
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Originally Posted by Maximoon View Post
Way to go, JC!!! I'm impressed with how you handled that situation. I think you did very well. Plus I understand how it is, like you said with the chocolate cake, that we want to indulge when the food is really food gasm (LOL) worthy, not when it is just OK. You made a good call.

Have a great Sunday! Just wanted to cheer you on and say hello!

Maxi
Thanks Maxi!

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Old 05-27-2012, 12:47 PM   #156
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Hi there! Just wanted to chime in and tell you how inspiring it is to read about how you've handled things with your family. I know how frustrating it must be, I've struggled trying to get people who don't follow lc to understand the lifestyle that I've chosen so I can only imagine how it is with people who "know". Good for you for sticking to your guns, your mental process is absolutely changing and you're thinking about you and nobody else. Maybe when your family starts seeing you transform they'll start rethinking the cheats?

Glad you're DD's party was such a success!
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Old 05-27-2012, 12:51 PM   #157
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Hi there! Just wanted to chime in and tell you how inspiring it is to read about how you've handled things with your family. I know how frustrating it must be, I've struggled trying to get people who don't follow lc to understand the lifestyle that I've chosen so I can only imagine how it is with people who "know". Good for you for sticking to your guns, your mental process is absolutely changing and you're thinking about you and nobody else. Maybe when your family starts seeing you transform they'll start rethinking the cheats?

Glad you're DD's party was such a success!
Thanks Danielle! I hope for their sake they do. I hate seeing them cheating themselves .
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Old 05-27-2012, 02:47 PM   #158
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You did great! Keep your eye on your goals and don't let anyone pull you down!

Your party sounds great, I bet the kids had a blast.
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Old 05-27-2012, 06:49 PM   #159
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Congrats on staying on plan, especially when you were being pressured to cheat. My mom is like that too - "oh, you're doing so great, you should be allowed to have just one piece of cake!" Maybe that will be true in maintenance, for now it's not an option.
Sounds like DD had a fantastic party!
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Old 05-27-2012, 08:26 PM   #160
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You did great! Keep your eye on your goals and don't let anyone pull you down!

Your party sounds great, I bet the kids had a blast.
I have to live up to your AWESOME weight loss some how !

The party was great. Even if it had it's issues.
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Old 05-27-2012, 08:29 PM   #161
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Congrats on staying on plan, especially when you were being pressured to cheat. My mom is like that too - "oh, you're doing so great, you should be allowed to have just one piece of cake!" Maybe that will be true in maintenance, for now it's not an option.
Sounds like DD had a fantastic party!
Thanks Kristin! We know our mom's love us, but they don't always support us the way we need to be supported .
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Old 05-27-2012, 09:05 PM   #162
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I finally got my signature!!! Woooo hoooo!!!! :jump joy:

I guess I'm a "real" member now. LOL!

So here is what I have done today:

1. Sat on my butt
2. Liked it!

I did absolutely nothing today but make food for the family, and I soooooo needed it. After yesterday I knew my back needed a rest. And I observe Sunday as my sabbath (day of rest) so I worked out well . So I completely ignored my messy house and sat back enjoying cuddling with the kids for the most part. It was really nice. But tomorrow, back to work . Oh well. I'm sure if I did this for another day funny smells would start emanating from around the house. That, and it would probably become completely impossible to find the floor.

So, here is what I ate today:

Breakfast: Coffee and cream

Lunch: Low carb "cake". I did not make it very sweet, so I just smothered it in copious amounts of butter.

Snack: Pepper jack cheese

Dinner: Well, I made some sauteed julienne zucchini for it to be kind of like noodles. I made the fam noodles. Something went very wrong with my zucchini and it ended up really bitter. I fed it to the dog after a few bites. I'll probably get hungry and have some cheese or some of the jello I made earlier with cream.

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Old 05-27-2012, 11:07 PM   #163
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I know I already posted, but I have a little more. I've been watching Ruby on Netflix. And in the past few shows the topic has revolved around food addiction. At one point of of the women from "women's fat night" said that she did not think that she had an eating problem. And the counselor said to her "why are you fat?". Shocking, right. I might would have wanted to punch her in the face. But, the fact is, if your fat, you have a problem with food.

The biggest problem though is that you don't know it. The food addict "thinks" they are not eating much. They think that they eat like everybody else. They are not lying about how much they eat. They just don't know. And it clicked with me: I'm a food addict. It all makes sense now. I never thought that I ate that much. And when my husband would tell me that I always ate a third or half again as much as him I freaked out on him. I did not think that I was. But after seeing that show I realize that I really was but just did not know it.

It is really freeing for me to know that there was a reason. It's kind of like realizing that it was not my fault. Of course it was my fault. I'm not saying it was not. I put food in my mouth, nobody else. But to know that you can not know how much you are really eating made me realize that I really was eating more than I thought I was. I don't know if I'm putting this together in a way that makes sense. I hope that I am.

They also talked about how much control food can have over you. That it's like it talks to you in a way. You start having a little dialog in your head about the drug (food) and how much you want it, how much you'll enjoy it, how nobody else needs to know. Have you ever snuck food? I sure have. I love eating alone because no one is there to judge me. I remember my mom hid her candy stash in the bottom drawer of her dresser. She would just have a ton of candy in there that she would never eat in front of anybody. And now I realize, I've done the same thing. I remember even hiding food under my bed when I moved out of my parents house and had a roommate. I did not even want her to see. At night before I went to bed I would go to my stash and wolf down 2-3 or maybe more. And I would think that it was not really that much. It was only a little treat, I told myself. In my mind I did not think that I was really eating that much.

The good Lord knows I have eating issues from my childhood. I just never really knew that they gained such control over me. My food addiction is what makes me go off of "diets". Because food is THAT important to me. Why should food be that important to me? Why on earth should I know that something is bad for me and still, STILL, make the conscious choice to do it? It sounds like a drug addict. They know it's bad for them but they feel that they NEED it. And food is my drug. But the thing is, I have to eat. An alcoholic can just not drink. But a food addict must eat. When I'm not low carbing, every time I eat something I feel guilty.

I always associate eating with guilt. But, when I have eaten something I know I'm not supposed to, I know feel the guilt before I ever do it. But I choose to do it knowing the consequences of guilt and weight g ain and all that and I do it anyway. More than anything, more than being a food addict, I'm a carb addict. I've never felt the same way about prim rib (totally yummy) as I have about a carby meal. I've never fantasied about protein, I have about sugar. Desserts and bread and pasta I could think about and get an excited rush from. Not so with fat and protein.

But, there is a loophole. If I don't eat carbs, I don't crave them like I do when I eat them. Yes, there is the total carb attack that can be fought down with eating something yummy and fattening. But the mental thrill of eating carby food does not plague me like when I'm not doing low carb.

And when I'm on Atkins, I don't feel guilty when I eat! Low carbing makes my meals so much better for not feeling guilty for every bite I eat. It is such freedom! I still fight off guilt once and a while when eating on Atkins, but only once and a while.

No wonder I learned to shut down the reality of what I was eating. Every thing I ate was loaded with guilt. It makes sense that I would minimize it in my head to make myself feel better. If I minimize what I eat in my head, then I don't feel as much guilt. It's not hard to know why I feel guilty eating. Everybody around me it seemed to me looked at me with disgust whenever I dared to eat anything. It was like I could hear all their thoughts saying "that fat kid should not be eating until they lose some weight! They should be on a diet not be eating!" I got it a church from the pastors wife, from lots of people at church actually. I remember one time when the pastors wife took the youth group out to McDonalds and I ordered an icecream. Her son took it and they were all like "well SHE does not need to be eating that!" I got it at home. I got it from family. Holidays were the worst. All that good food and my extended family would look at me like "how dare she be eating an actual full meal! Why doesn't she just not eat until she loses the weight! What a pig!" I remember my grandmother telling me about how when she gained a few pounds she would just starve herself until she fit her clothes again. And of course she said it to me with that voice and look that said "AND YOU SHOULD TOO!".

Oops, I've gotten into a kind of rambling venting place. I guess for some reason I needed to get some of that out. I would probably go on, but it is after 11 and I should have been in bed two hours ago.

Good night
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Old 05-28-2012, 12:25 AM   #164
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Old 05-28-2012, 05:43 AM   #165
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JC- food addiction is very real and takes many forms, I am telling you try to go to an OA overeaters Anoymous meeting near you, look online for a meeting place it will help you deal with food issues, I was a food hider in my childhood, I remember hiding food in my closet and eating it, and as I got older I would buy chips and eat the whole thing and throw away the bag, and everyone would say you eat so little I don't know why you are fat, yeah cause I was eating like 4000 calories in private, I went to some OA meetings long ago and they were helpful like all the little pieces finally added up, I had binge issues that I worked out, it is a process, and it is on going!!!!
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Old 05-28-2012, 05:51 AM   #166
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I have the same issues with food. I can remember when I use to eat a whole big chocolate bar or a whole box of the little debbie nutty buddy bars and would hide the trash so my hubby wouldn't see it . It makes me sad that I see my 12 year old son going through the same thing and I don't know how to help him. I have seen him sneak and hide food. I never say anything to him about his weight I always just say lets eat healthy snacks.
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Old 05-28-2012, 08:22 AM   #167
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ok, found your journal, will read through it on my break from yard work this afternoon!
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Old 05-28-2012, 08:24 AM   #168
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I totally know what you mean about food addiction. Both my parents have issues with food and I know I have major food issues. I have binged so much, eating boxes of donuts at a time or an entire pizza and hiding the evidence. I have also taken food back out of the garbage can after throwing it away - something that I am so ashamed of. Telling people by typing it out helps me to get a handle on it. Low carb helps too.
I still want all that carby junk, but my brain is not SCREAMING for it, you know?
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Old 05-28-2012, 09:34 AM   #169
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It seems that many of us have much of the same experiences with food and childhood. Sad way to connect, but at least we can all say we understand!
I grew up in a house with a mother ALWAYS on a diet...you know the kind; cabbage soup diet, starvation, diet soda only, pills,...you name it, she was doin it. She was always super thin up until my sis was born when I was 7. and then she yo-yo'd huge amounts of weight for about 7 years and then my other sis was born... through all of this she would be on these weirdo diets all the while feeding us all crap. Cookies, cake, carby meals...then she'd yell at me cause I was getting "chunky"... yet, I wasn't allowed to leave the table until ALL my food was gone and no, we didn't decide how much was put on our plates either. Weight has plagued me my entire life. I spent all of my adult life on diets.. when I finally did some therapy for it, he had me bring in pictures from when I was little, in high school and in my early 20's.. what I discovered was I wasn't FAT! I was maybe 10-15 lbs heavier than my peers, but most definitely not fat. She created such huge body-dysmorphic issues for me because she projected her issues about her own body and weight onto me, the first-born. Thru my 20's and early 30's I would go on to diet my way up the scale on low-fat plans or whatever the diet of the moment was.. I used to sneak food for years and years. Life was so stressful at home that it was my only way to cope. then I would go on to be with my husband and I still did it, for many years. It wasn't until about 8 or 9 years ago I finally told him the truth and phew, that was a load off my back! I haven't done it since, either! Food is such a tricky thing..people don't realize to the people who have addictions to it how incredibly hard it is to live each day feeling human because we constantly have to fight and conquer just by feeding our families. KWIM?
sorry to have rambled but man, I so hear you and relate to what you've written, and in a big big way. You are most definitely not alone!
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Old 05-28-2012, 10:43 AM   #170
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Thanks guys! I really appreciate you guys being so open and letting me know I'm not alone. I think that in today's thin obsessed society more and more people are peoples genetic preposition to addictive behavior is directed towards food. Lets face it, lots of us have people in our families who are alcoholics, drug addicts, gambling addicts, sex addicts, etc..... We may think that if we stay away from alcohol because we know we have it in our family, that we are safe. But we don't realize that addictive behavior can take more than one form.

I learned that last night watching Ruby. I have several recovered addicts in my family. I (as an adult anyway ) ) have always been really careful when I drink because I know that alcoholism is hereditary. I thought I was safe because I keep such a close eye on my drinking. I was wrong. And I had no idea. How could I have? The scary thing is, with my eating under control, will it manifest itself somewhere else in my life?

I feel really empowered by this knowledge though. You can't fix something if you don't know it's broken, can you? Now I KNOW! When my carb monster rears its ugly head, I will know what it is. And I can be prepared to asses it for what it is. It makes sense to me know. When an alcoholic has a drink, he just wants more. When I have carbs, especially sweets, I just want more, and more, and more! And when I stay away, I mean not have "cheats" the want for it gets less and less.

Wow. What freedom there is is being able to logically analyse my food issues. I do much better with logic than with feelings. Feelings don't always make sense. Logic does. For me anyhow. I never understood why food seemed to be such a big deal for me. Why on earth should food be able to elicit an emotional response from me? My husband could care less what I put in his lunch. I would never, I mean never, want somebody else to pack a lunch for me. He'll just eat whatever I put in there ! I just can't wrap my head around that.

Sorry if I'm getting into a bit of a boring self exploratory place . I think writing it all down helps me to look at it more objectively.
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Old 05-28-2012, 10:49 AM   #171
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Oh, my weight this morning was 260.2. But I'm not to worried. Not to be too tmi or anything, but I have not been able to, um.. go in 3 days. Really not normal for me. I took some fiber yesterday, but it just made me wake up in the middle of the night and get sick . I took some ducolax this morning. Hopefully I'll see the scale down more by tomorrow.
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Old 05-28-2012, 11:06 AM   #172
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Talking things out can be a gratifying and freeing thing. I'm so glad that you feel comfortable sharing with us here. You will find that there is someone that always understands and experiencing the same thing as you, so you are never ever alone! I love this place!

That makes sense about heredity and family issues... alcoholism runs in my family big time, makes sense that my addictive nature has manifested itself with food since that's what was pushed on me for so many years as a child. Drinking wise, I was the wild teen but as I grew up I swore I would not end up like my cousins and various family members so watched alcohol like crazy... all the while feeding my face and doing other things just like an addict!
What's worse? Eating unhealthy carbs has made me sick. I'm insulin resistant and getting worse by the day the more I've chosen to eat like that. I've done this to myself and it's time to stop! I'm done feeling like garbage, tired of eating garbage too. Time for the clean life! LOL

Anywho, feel better and know that you are on a journey of learning and growing. Hope the bathroom issues resolve quickly, nuthin worse than feeling like that! I use magnesium when I have issues....blech
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Old 05-28-2012, 11:09 AM   #173
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Totally second the magnesium, get magnesium citrate if you can find it in pill form. I take 3 times the RDA and that helps keep me regular. Fiber just blocks me up.
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Old 05-28-2012, 11:42 AM   #174
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Totally second the magnesium, get magnesium citrate if you can find it in pill form. I take 3 times the RDA and that helps keep me regular. Fiber just blocks me up.
I think I have some Magnesium malate. I'll have to go and look. Thanks for the fyi on the fiber. I never thought that fiber might block you up. I think I'm going to returen the physilum seed fiber I got from costco. It has just made me nauseous and has caused me some massive tummy aches and made me throw up several times (including last night ) . Not good!
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Old 05-28-2012, 01:24 PM   #175
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I read an article about a woman who cured herself of some disease (I want to say MS) by eating 9 different fruits and mostly veggies every day. She was very systematic about which ones, and and her reasons. But it made me think I could do 9 different ones -not necessarily 9 servings of each, but at least 9 different ones. I have IBD so I admit that "not going" is not usually an issue for me, and fiber from grains really causes me problems. But since I have started with the 9 different veggies (and 1 fruit) I am much more "normal" regular. Might work, and certainly nicer than taking something, especially in the summer when everything is so good.
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Old 05-28-2012, 03:14 PM   #176
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Hi Melissa! Room for one more online support pal? Especially a northwest neighbor!

I am a chronic overeater as well. I can consume huge amounts of food, especially carbs, sweet sweet bready carbs, even when not hungry. The ONLY things that keep me in check are ketosis and paying close attention to what my body actually needs to be full. The two go hand in hand, I cannot pay attention to my actual food needs unless I am in ketosis. No ketosis = No control. Many many years of low carb yo yoing have taught me that Ketosis gives me the will power to hang on.. if carb creep gets me, it's game over. I have recently regained control of myself and it feels good. Now my focus is not overeating, which is easier now that ketosis is helping me.

Have you read any of Gary Taubes' books? Highly highly recommended.

Hope you are having a lovely NW day!
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Old 05-28-2012, 03:31 PM   #177
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Ha ha! I just realized I've lost 16.6 pounds in 6 weeks!

Kind of cool though. It works out to about 2.7 pounds per week. Considering I lost less than a pound one of those weeks not to shabby. Very encouraging! It's working!!!

I still have a goal of 3.2 pounds per week to meet my goal of 40 pounds in 3 months for my anniversary. Then I guess my next goal will be to lose a certain amount of weight by Christmas or my birthday (in Jan)
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Old 05-28-2012, 07:08 PM   #178
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Yay on the loss! You're doing great!

Magnesium is good. Coconut oil helps big time too.
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Old 05-28-2012, 08:09 PM   #179
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glamazon View Post
Hi Melissa! Room for one more online support pal? Especially a northwest neighbor!

I am a chronic overeater as well. I can consume huge amounts of food, especially carbs, sweet sweet bready carbs, even when not hungry. The ONLY things that keep me in check are ketosis and paying close attention to what my body actually needs to be full. The two go hand in hand, I cannot pay attention to my actual food needs unless I am in ketosis. No ketosis = No control. Many many years of low carb yo yoing have taught me that Ketosis gives me the will power to hang on.. if carb creep gets me, it's game over. I have recently regained control of myself and it feels good. Now my focus is not overeating, which is easier now that ketosis is helping me.

Have you read any of Gary Taubes' books? Highly highly recommended.

Hope you are having a lovely NW day!
Hey there Glamazon!

I could always use more friends along the way. Nice to have a Pacific North West low carb friend .

It's good to know that I'm not the only one that ketosis cures eating issues for. It is amazing the difference in how food affects me on and off of of ketosis. I am learning that when I am in ketosis, I control the food. When I'm not, the food controls me. The best part about being low carb is the lack of guilt. When I'm not low carbing I feel guilty every time I eat something. I still have to fight the feelings of guilt when I eat on low carb once in a while, but nothing like when I eat carbs.
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Old 05-28-2012, 08:10 PM   #180
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Thanks Kitty!
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