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Old 05-22-2012, 05:52 AM   #91
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Jc, you have a lovely family!
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:22 AM   #92
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JC, the kids are adorable!

I love Ruby. We've been watching since the first season. She's had alot of ups and downs with her weight but she dusts herself off and keeps going.
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Old 05-22-2012, 10:34 AM   #93
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JC- beautiful family hun!! Come to the Poconos, then I can see ya, LOL That is about 1.5 hours from me in PA, that is where Tony's Mom lives.
Oh lucky you! It looks like such a beautiful area. Dang I wish I went there as a kid!
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Old 05-22-2012, 10:34 AM   #94
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Thanks all you guys for affirming my belief in my kids super cuteness! Then again, just about all kids have super cuteness once you get to know them . Cuteness is in the eye of the beholder . I think that is even more true in the case of men! I think my hubby is pretty darn cute, but I don't think that brad pit is all that good looking . Go figure!

Speaking of hubbies, mine called with an unexpected surprise today. Because of the rain he is getting off work early and asked me to find something we could do with the kids when he got home. He may drive me nuts at times, but he sure tries to be a good dad . And that's sexy!

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Old 05-22-2012, 01:01 PM   #95
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Aww how nice. Have fun!!!! Your kids are adorable!!!
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Old 05-22-2012, 03:23 PM   #96
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Awe, your kido's are cute! How sweet of your hubby... Hope y'all have a good time!
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Old 05-23-2012, 10:24 AM   #97
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Yesterday......

Ah yesterday. A day of the good, the bad, and the ugly! In that order pretty much too. Did pretty good eating the first half of the day. I had (big surprise) coffee and cream for breakfast. I made hamburgers for lunch. Gave the fam theirs on daves killer bread and I had mine with lettuce. Kind of blah. I think I'm going to sell my George forman pannini grill. It totally sucks. The moisture gets trapped in the grill and you end up with "boiled" burgers. Not good.

Then later we went out and took the kids out to their first movie ever. We saw the pirate claymation one. Kind of dissapointing. It always tics me off when they put innapropiate stuff in kids movies. There was no need for the a$$ word or for the pirates to be looking at "mermaid porn" mags. Really inappropriate.

Ok, I'll quit my whining and get onto the confession portion of my rant. Two words I have a love hate relationship with: Chinese food! At first I was going to be all good and have us go to the chinese place that had the good low carb alternative splenda sweetened stuff. We got to the parking lot and Kevin (hubby) said that he was not feeling good. He said he would suck it up and go in, but I did not want him to suffer (right then anyhow ).

So, my subconscious saw this as a GREAT opportunity to have an excuse to gorge on carbs and I suggested that we call in an order to the take out Chinese food place and just go eat at home. Totally just being the nice wife. NOT!!!!! That little carb monster in my mind saw my momentary weakness in my defenses and seized on it's opportunity to take over!

So we got my all time favorite "Chinese family meal" with my beloved crab cheese wontons. I swear I could eat nothing but those for days before getting sick of them. And then, I ATE! I told myself at first that I would just risk eating the mongolian beef and chicken and just stay away from everything else. Yeah right! I ate it all!

Then, the mind games started. Here is the part that I really did not want to put in here. But, I decided to be totally honest here. I started thinking in my mind how sick the carbs were going to make me. I started thinking that I could either go and throw up now, or let the carbs make me sick and throw up later. And If I threw up right then, then my diet would not be ruined and it would not taste so bad when I did it. Well, horns over halo won the day and to the bathroom I went to continue my conversation with myself. Before I knew it I was on the floor over the toilet "getting rid of" the food in my stomach. I got away with being quiet enough that my family did not know what I was doing (I later confessed to Kevin though, he was really sensitive about it and just said that he loved me).

I know what I did was wrong. I know that although it gave me that "in control" feeling, that the reason I did it was that I was not in control. Even as I was brushing my teeth afterwards I was strangely examining my hypocritical motives. I told myself I was healthier, but I knew it was a very unhealthy thing. I want so badly to not raise my daughter with food issues, yet I was setting the example of the very thing I did not want for her.

Well, now you know that this is a completely honest journal. I really did not want to tell this. I thought about how I could maybe just say it was a bad day and not say anything else. But, if there is one thing I am fanatical about, it's honesty. And I felt like I would not have been being honest if I did not tell the WHOLE TRUTH. Besides, what good is a journal if you can't be honest in it? So there it is, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

There was a victory yesterday though. Eating all those carbs set me off on some MAJOR, MAJOR, sugar cravings. Once again, my close proximity to dairy queen plagued my mind. I wanted SOOOOOO BAD to just say "well, I already screwed up" and face dive in a giant ice cream sunday. I have to tell you, I was really close to it to.

But, even more than I wanted to face dive in an ice cream sunday, I wanted to get right back on the weight loss train. I knew that if I went right back I might me able to salvage my ketosis. So instead of indulging in overpriced frozen cellulite waiting to happen, I raided my kitchen with a vengeance to satiate my sweet tooth without totally blowing it. I was wishing so much that I had not been too lazy to make some more jello. That would have been good. So I settled on a spoon full of peanut butter and a 2 carb vanilla protein shake. Strangely enough, it really hit the spot . And within 10 minutes, my mental carb monster was back in it's cage!

So, even though I had a, ahem, "setback" I'll call it, at least I ended the day with a little victory. More and more I am realizing what a carb addict I am. And the thing with addictions is that the addict does not realize how much their "drug" controls them. I know that I can have an off meal once in a while, and it wont kill me, but is it worth the mental issues it causes? I don't know. It's been a little over a month and I have had two carb crazes. Each time they have had negative effects. I have to ask myself, can I resist purging the next time my carb monster attacks and wins? I really don't know.

But, today is a new day. Yesterday is gone. I have some new things to think about with things I need to change to have a healthy body and mind. I have not purged in a long time. But I know from experience that once I start, if I don't stop right away, I go in deep. But, I stopped right away. I did not do a dairy queen induced binge and purge. I was strong enough. And I know I can be strong enough again.

Sorry this so so long. I hope all your eyes have not glazed over with boredom from my lengthy carb drama. Writing it all out helps. Also, I can't just ignore it and pretend it does not exist if it is in print on my screen.

Totally changing subjects here. I can't wait for my new scale! Here is a link to the one I ordered:

Costco - Body Analysis Scale by beurer

It should be here by tomorrow. It MIGHT me here today. But it would be a long shot. Oh I can't wait!
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Old 05-23-2012, 11:08 AM   #98
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JC, I'm glad you were honest. It definitely helps to write these things down. Now that you've put it down in writing along with the emotions you were feeling at the time, go back to this entry whenever you feel that way again. You have great insight into yourself and that is a very powerful thing that will only help you on this journey.
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Old 05-23-2012, 01:12 PM   #99
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JC
I'm also glad for your honesty. It's hard to come here and confess in our journals but it is really the one thing that has helped me the most - confronting my demons and bad behaviors in a way that's safe and where I won't be judged.

You are definitley on the right path, and this is really just a minor set-back.
One thing that has helped me a lot with carb cravings is L-Glutamine. Amazing stuff.
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Old 05-23-2012, 01:27 PM   #100
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Thanks guys!

Even though I knew that you all were a great group, I was still afraid of judgment . It is so great to have a safe place to really, I mean really, let it all out and get support. Being so vulnerably (yeah, I totally had to spell check that!) open and honest is a really scary thing. But putting it down in front of all of you makes it much harder for me to be in denial, which is my normal fall back position .
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Old 05-23-2012, 01:56 PM   #101
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Hey JC!!!!!!!! I will be following along in your journal if you don't mind.

I am glad you got that off your chest. Yes binging and purging is bad stuff and it controls your mind. How do I know... because I once did that too. But it is ok... no one is here to judge you. What helps me from ever doing that again is my DD. Like you said, we don't want them having negative body images so we should set great examples. I am sooooo glad you are so open and honest. That will get you far. Admitting is the first step!

Have a great day hun!
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Old 05-23-2012, 02:08 PM   #102
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Oh honey, So sorry to hear that you had such a bad day yesterday. :hug: I don't know much of binging and purging. I am glad that you were able to be honest about it. No judgement here. I really pray that through this journal and our support that you will be able to break this cycle and get healthy!!! For yourself and your kids!!!!
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Old 05-23-2012, 02:58 PM   #103
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JC , sorry you had a hard day yesterday.
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Old 05-23-2012, 04:42 PM   #104
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Oh hun, I am not judging but worried for you about the purging so many health risks with that, I just want to see you work on it, the fact that you come and confess is huge, so many with binge purge issues hide it, so that is the first part of healing. And not going down the slippery slope of I blew it I will keep eating path. I did that at Christmas ate for a week didnt even enjoy most of it, and then felt like crap!!!! You are trying hun and there are going to be many slip ups along the way, maybe one way next time would be have one crab rangoon, and a healthy low carb entree, maybe going in saying OK I am going to have this one thing will start to give you a feeling of control, like you know you can have it, like I always say anything we love and crave is available anytime, like it aint going anywhere, so you decide when you want it and plan for it!!

Hugs hun, its over and now moving on!!!
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Old 05-23-2012, 06:47 PM   #105
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Thanks all you guys!

It's been a good day today for food and stuff. I'm all "dusted off" and ready to go! I've even been a good girl and stayed away from the chinese left overs .

I have a really good perspective right now on what is worth it and what is not. Even though my carb monster is yelling at me about how much I want a dairy queen run, I know it is not worth it (barely )

Right now my biggest concern is..... Dinner!?? What can I make for dinner that requires little to no effort or time that will work. I'm feeling really lazy if you cant tell . My hubby is home sick and needs something easy on the tummy. Hmmmmm..............
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Old 05-23-2012, 07:33 PM   #106
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I'm so glad you had the courage to come here and confess. We all know the binge monster and how slippery a slope binging can be. The important thing is you're back at it, and accountable. WTG for leaving the leftovers!
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Old 05-23-2012, 07:38 PM   #107
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Hi JC,

I wanted to say that I've enjoyed following along with your journal and love how you tell it all, the good and bad and the "in between." I think that's what journals are for. Thank you for sharing with us!

So what did you make for dinner?

Have a great night!

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Old 05-23-2012, 08:54 PM   #108
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Thanks guys!

Well, that's kind of life right? The good, the bad, and the dang butt ugly ! What a great group of encouraging individuals. I am so blessed to have found you!

Dinner.... Dinner.... Dinner......

Well, hubby is STILL in bed. He came home around 10:00 am and has been in bed since. Seeing as it is 8:26 pm here right now, I'm think'n he needed some rest! Poor guy . So, I haven't fed him yet. I fed the kids left over chinese food. I did pretty good. I picked at some of the meat only. And it was just as good as with the noodles .

Now what I ate: Muffins!

Now before you all think I'm crazy (well, crazy for this, there are plenty of other good reasons to think I'm crazy ) I made home made low carb almond coconut muffins with a streusle (spell check was no help there )topping. Right now I am eating one drenched in yummy butter and it is so yummy-lishious . Did I say one? I meant three. But they are so low carb and high in protein and fiber, I might just eat the whole pan. Well, I suppose I am sharing with the fam, so I can't eat the whole pan. But dang I wish I could! Well, I might not be able to. So far I have eat'n a two and I'm starting to fill up

I should have measured all of it. I tried at first. Then I just started adjusting for consistency and dumping things in the bowl.

It's mostly eggs, like 8 in the whole batch.

Almond milk, about a cup
splenda 7 packets
baking powder 3 teaspoons
coconut flour 1/2 cup
almond flour 1/4 cup
butter2-3 tablespoons
almond extract 2 tsp
vanilla extract 1 tsp
dashes pumpkin pie spice

for the strusel topping i just mixed a little over a half stick butter with a little less than 1/4 each of coconut flour and almond flour with 4-5 splenda packets and a few dashes of pumpkin pie spice.

It needs gluten for sure. I have some xanthium gum some where, but I can't find the stuff. Figures. I spend $13 bucks on it and then I can't find it to use it! Grr!

But I can tell if left overnight and then toasted in the morning with tons of butter a total breakfast-gasm would ensue. And I don't even like breakfast!

I had left over batter so I poured the rest in a little loaf pan and made a little cake. Maybe that will last until tomorrow????? That's a big maybe!
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Old 05-23-2012, 08:56 PM   #109
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I think that I need to make a version with cheese cake type cream cheese filling. Mmmmmm...... Yummy................
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Old 05-23-2012, 09:14 PM   #110
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Now you have me wanting some!!! Send some my way please!!!
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Old 05-24-2012, 08:22 AM   #111
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JC, have a great day!
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Old 05-24-2012, 09:41 AM   #112
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You should check out Linda's site, you seem to like to cook, some of her stuff is da bomb, she used to post on here but I have not seen her on here for some time

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Old 05-24-2012, 11:15 AM   #113
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Jc, those sound delicious!
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Old 05-24-2012, 12:18 PM   #114
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You should check out Linda's site, you seem to like to cook, some of her stuff is da bomb, she used to post on here but I have not seen her on here for some time

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Yummy! Thanks !!
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Old 05-24-2012, 12:26 PM   #115
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Jc, those sound delicious!
They were totally yummy! The only thing to get used to is the texture of coconut and almond flour vs wheat flour. Its kind of crumbly like corn bread. But it felt so sinful! I'm like "I'm eating bread! I should be feeling guilty!" But I have to tell myself that it's ok !
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Old 05-24-2012, 02:04 PM   #116
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MY NEW SCALE CAME TODAY!!!!!!!

:jump joy:

First the Important stuff: 262.4 pounds today!

Not great, but its down and not up .

It looks like this is a pretty good scale. I want to get a chart on my bathroom wall (I think.... GULP! ). Now I just have to get my printer to work! Maybe I'll just start with hand drawn one. It shows body fat %, Water %, muscle %, and bone mass. I'm hoping that it will help me to see when gain muscle (yeah, probably not going to happen and time too soon ) or water weight and when my fat % goes down.

I really should stop sounding like an infomercial.
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Old 05-24-2012, 02:20 PM   #117
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Hey girl, glad you like your new scale and that it was nice to you.

Good job staying away from the left overs!
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Old 05-24-2012, 02:30 PM   #118
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Yeah for the scale!! And yeah for it being down!!!
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Old 05-24-2012, 04:02 PM   #119
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I'm here Hun! Now you are stuck with me!

Got to find time to catch up here.
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Old 05-24-2012, 07:04 PM   #120
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I'm here Hun! Now you are stuck with me!

Got to find time to catch up here.
Woooo hoooo!!!!!
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