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Old 03-17-2014, 07:35 AM   #1321
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Glad the scale is dropping for you......I'm down one of the bounce up so I suppose I should be happy...I have no clue why I bounced up....don't think it had to do with the meds....

I just wish that for a little while I could be one of those people that the weight just "falls" off....who are those people and why can't I be one of them. I am so tired of the struggle to lose. As I was sorting the mountains of papers last night I came across several papers that are given to patients as they leave the dr. appt. that have all the info on them....I have been in the same weight range for over a year.... I know I won't ever totally give up but I'd just like a little time where it doesn't occupy my brain all the time.

Better get going....meeting Mom's RN shortly....
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Old 03-17-2014, 03:51 PM   #1322
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I had a little bit of chicken salad (just chicken and mayo) for breakfast and a serving of the burger stuff I made last night for lunch. I also made some berry "ice cream" for lunch....I was really craving ice cream and this is always my solution....frozen berries, hwc and a bit of sweetener in the blender. I made enough for both me and DH....it was a good treat. Now I need to decide what to make for dinner.

Having a hard day today after seeing Mom....she's declining some ways but all her vital signs are excellent. It's just so hard seeing her like this. Then on top of that I came home and was sorting/searching for papers and came across my Dad's death certificate. He was not in my life for many years but came back into it about 2 years before he passed away....we had a couple of good years.

It seems I'm finding all kinds of papers/receipts, etc. except for the ones I need. Where the heck did I put the papers from the house refinancing last spring? I can't find them anywhere.....I need them because last year's tax return is with them and I need that to go get my taxes done. Ugh! I'm taking a short break from searching because my brain is mush right now!
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Old 03-18-2014, 04:50 AM   #1323
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Happy Tuesday!!

Sorry you had a bit of a rough day sweetie.

That dessert sounded delish. I do the frozen banana icecream with "magic" chocolate shell on top when I'm craving icecream.

Or at least I used to... Can't have the chocolate just yet.

Scale is back up... Never any rhyme or reason these days. Did not do a strength workout yesterday. Did not eat anything super salty...

What EV...

Have strength today. Trying to decide between body weight movements or KBs.
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Old 03-18-2014, 05:29 AM   #1324
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Good Morning! Scale is down another lb....only 2 more to get back to the low.

Have to take the cat to the vet this morning...should be fun...she hates going in the car.

The rest of the day will be spent searching for the papers that I need. I don't know how they could be so lost. The only thing that worries me is if DH saw them at some point and decided to put them somewhere. He says no but if he didn't then where are they? They have to be in one of two rooms here in the house!

Not sure on food yet....probably eggs for breakfast....I have ground beef cooked already so veggies with that for lunch or maybe taco salad will be good. Dinner will probably be something light since it's just me today.
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Old 03-19-2014, 05:45 AM   #1325
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Happy Wednesday!!

Hope you find those papers you're looking for soon.

Glad the scale is going down for you.

Mine is up again today. I woke up swollen so I'm not surprised. I seem to do that every time hubby makes fish for dinner. I'm starting to wonder if he even measure the seasonings or just dumps it all on there.

Did my yoga yesterday but never got around to my strength training. Once I got everyone else through theirs I just ran out of time and steam. I'll do it today instead of a rest day.

The guys will be doing their cardio today instead of a rest day and take tomorrow as a rest day instead. With outside classes it just seems to make things easier.

Now I need to run and pay 2 bills that I completely forgot about. I hope they don't turn off our water.
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Old 03-19-2014, 07:50 AM   #1326
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Good Morning! I've got a crockpot full of veggies going for veggie broth....going to try it for sipping on when I need a hot drink.

Scale bounced up again....my own fault...

Still looking for those papers....they have to be at DS's house mixed in with some of the papers of Mom's that he took to sort over there. If he hasn't checked in the next day or so I'm going over there to check myself. I'm so frustrated with all of this....first of all I have gone through everything....found that half of the papers were just garbage! Then there are the millions of receipts that need to be entered and filed or tossed. I just wonder how/why there is so much paper for everything. I do almost all our bills online and paperless and there is still mountains to go through. At least what's left to sort is not urgent.

Found out last night that DS2 and family are coming the first weekend of April! Kayli's school musical starts that weekend so they want to attend. I'm hoping DH can get off work that day so he can go, too. I'm really excited that they are coming! But more work for me now because I have to get the guest bedroom ready. DH has it all apart so he can put baseboard trim in....he better finish it up this week!

Food not planned yet for the rest of the day...waiting for DH to wake so we can talk about it.

Not sure what exercise I'll get today...maybe some treadmill time....I'm feeling a bit better...whatever was going on in my sinuses seems to be going away.
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Old 03-20-2014, 05:42 AM   #1327
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Happy First Day of Spring!!

Scale is up yet again... but I'm swollen still and TOM is due this weekend so I'm not exactly surprised. Disappointed yes.... Surprised no...

Feels like I spend the 2wks after TOM trying to lose something... anything... Only to gain it all back... then start all over... it's nuts....

Sometimes I really hate hormones.

I'm going to try some tweaking. My carbs are falling between 100 and 130 right now. Even though I'm not afraid of healthy carbs I think I started going a little overboard with the raw honey recently.

So, I'll cut that back to 1T in my morning tea and that's it. That should be enough to get the health benefits. It's also very expensive so it'll make it last longer.

I did a preliminary count of the carbs with what I may eat today and they are closer to 65g with wiggle room for extra veggies if I need them.

I may cut out any starchy carbs or sugar carbs later to aid the healing of my gums. Which will drop the carbs even lower. Haven't decided on that just yet.
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Old 03-20-2014, 07:48 AM   #1328
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Scale is inching slowly down....I hate that we both have to fight so hard for progress!

I'm very happy to say that DS1 has been working since the first of the year at losing weight and getting fit....he said he's lost 33 lbs already! So proud of him!

I don't know for sure what we'll be eating today. Have to see what needs to be used up and what I feel like cooking! I told DH last night that all this struggle with trying to lose has made me feel afraid to eat anything sometimes. I sometimes wonder if my carbs are too low, too high, wrong food, wrong this, wrong that....and so on and so on. Add that to all the other crap swirling around in my brain and it's no wonder I have a headache sometimes!

I have my physical therapy evaluation today....not sure if he'll have me do any exercises or not. I don't know how many sessions I have to go to....need to be careful on how many because of the cost. I am hoping once a week with the promise to do the work at home, too...I think my copay is $65 per session! I don't have the extra money to go a lot but I can do the work at home and go once a week for now to make sure I'm making good progress. We'll see what the PT says....

I got my veggie broth made....going to mix a little kombucha in with it and see what kind of drink I can come up with! I have some powdered supps I want to add to it, too. I'm going to do this as a cold drink....hope it works....got the idea from someone else online....
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Old 03-21-2014, 03:30 AM   #1329
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Happy Friday!!

I'm becoming very angry with the scale. Exercise has been light this week so the scale should be going down and instead it keeps inching up.

I realize TOM is due by Monday but to gain 4lbs in 4 days is just ridiculous.

I even cut back on the honey and sodium yesterday to see if they were causing me issues. Next would be cutting out my sweet potato but that's one of the things that helps me sleep at night.

I logged everything I've been eating and even on a high day I don't get anywhere near my limit for calories. There are some days when I don't get much higher than 1200. So it's not the "amount" I'm eating.

Then of course yesterday I was careful with the honey and a few other things so that my carbs fell in the 50 to 75 range. Where I "usually" lose just fine as long as it's healthy stuff.

Nope... didn't make a difference.

We have some intense exercise plus projects to work on this weekend so I'm not going to weigh for a while. I know I'll have a gain on Monday just from the exercise. Then TOM should be here and it'll be moot point.

I'm starting to think I won't make any of my goals.... At some point the scale has to move in order for the next size to work. I can't build "THAT MUCH" muscle. It's not scientifically possible. {{sigh}}

I'm not giving up... Just severely frustrated.

If I can handle it I'm going to throw in a down day today just to shake things up a bit.
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Old 03-21-2014, 05:34 AM   #1330
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I'm not up but I'm still the same which is 4 lbs up from my low a week ago. I don't know why I'm not going back down (I don't know why I bounced up, either).

Meeting with Mom's social worker today. Had a good talk on the phone with her yesterday so I'll be interested to see what we talk about today.

Had a good appt. with the PT yesterday. He did a little work on my neck (said it's extremely tight). He also had me hooked up to a machine for electrical muscle stimulation (with a heating pad over that!)....it really felt good! I guess I'll get that treatment each time I go....I'll be going 3x a week for now....I was hoping I could go less but I also know that I really need to get this condition under control or I'll go nuts! Not sure what else I'll be doing but my friend that comes here to do the foot massages will be the PT that I'm working with most of the time.
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Old 03-22-2014, 04:57 AM   #1331
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Happy Saturday!!

Hope the meeting went well and glad you had a good PT Thursday. Hope they can help you out.

Scale is up 5lbs in 5 days and TOM showed up a few days early as expected. It's really weird but no matter what... If it's due during a weekday... like this coming Tuesday or Wednesday in fact... then I'm bound to have a visit on the weekend. Happens every time.

Today is supposed to be sprints plus we need to make up yesterday's strength day.

Tomorrow is supposed to be the long hike/walk...

My problem with both of these days is that it's inevitable that TOM will kick my booty and I'll feel unable to complete either of those tasks. I'm just going to want to hide out in my chair with the heating pad for the weekend. But this whole week has sucked as far as workouts go so I need to put in the effort.

At least I did my yoga all week no matter what. I guess that's something.
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Old 03-22-2014, 06:04 AM   #1332
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I'm sorry TOM showed up early....I'm also happy to say I'm not missing it at all! Do what you feel up to doing but don't push it...

Had a good meeting with the social worker.....Mom is declining in some ways....she's been sleeping since Monday...all vital signs are still good but because she doesn't wake she doesn't eat or drink...Stepfather is upset and worried but he also knows it's a decline. Guess I should update my siblings...I'm sad that they never contact me to ask about her (or to ask about how I'm doing).

I got a funny text yesterday from Kayli....she was sneak texting from school asking if I could answer some questions for her history assignment....she asked if I was around in the civil war era....um, no! My response was that I hoped she meant the civil rights era in the 60's....she was so embarrassed that she wrote it wrong! I told her I was her age around the height of the civil rights stuff in the 60's so might not remember much but we're getting together for lunch today and I'll do the best I can to answer things....DH is going, too, so maybe he can help!

Scale is up and I'm sure it's from the 2 huge Bloody Mary's I had last night. I don't drink adult beverages often but I was really in the mood for them last night. So now I need to be super strict for a while....still working on finding the right carb level for me....I think it will be very low....

I'll be spending time reading today...book club is next week and I need to finish my book! Will also be doing the usual chores plus a few extra.
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Old 03-23-2014, 04:38 AM   #1333
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Just a quick message for now.....my Mom passed away last night. I'm sad but relieved. She is finally at peace. I have grieved for the loss of Mom for the past 5 years....this will leave a huge hole in my heart and life but I am so happy she has been released from this awful condition of dementia.

My son, Dan, will be going with me this morning to make arrangements....not sure yet if Stepfather is up to going with us. I spent the night at Mom's so he wouldn't wake to an empty house....Jim worked overnight....i told him to stay at work since I would be staying here at Mom's....
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Old 03-23-2014, 09:19 AM   #1334
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sweetie.

So sorry for your loss and yet relieved for you, your mother, and family now that she is free. Many many and for you hon.

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Old 03-23-2014, 09:03 PM   #1335
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Thank you so much....it's been a long day but now my sister is here and will help me tomorrow....my oldest son is helping a lot, too. We have been having a good time remembering stuff about Mom....
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Old 03-24-2014, 05:18 AM   #1336
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That's a good thing. I remember doing the same thing after my Gramps finally let go.

Now I share all the stories I can with my own kids since they never got to meet him. They also can't really remember their Uncle but I've shared so many stories they say it feels like they were there and can remember.
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Old 03-24-2014, 05:39 PM   #1337
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I've had a good day....we went to meet with the Pastor of Mom's church and got the service planned...my niece is going to play the cello during the service. We picked a luncheon that is the same as a meal as one she used to serve us all the time.....chicken, mostaccioli, salad, bread and chocolate cake! We feel like it's the perfect way to honor her!

We are bringing a few boxes of stuff she saved over the year (pictures the grandkids made her and many other things that are happy memories) to my son's house after the visitation...we'll have snacks and share stories and laugh all evening....

My brother's 2 youngest girls and Kayli are the only ones that don't really have many memories of Mom as she really was....the rest of the grandkids have good memories of her.
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Old 03-25-2014, 05:59 AM   #1338
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Good Morning! Today will be spent looking for photos for the poster boards we'll display at the visitation. I am focusing on happy memories today! I know there will be difficult days ahead but I will deal with them as they come. Today I want to be happy remembering the Mom I knew before her illness! She always loved laughter and she loved her family and the pictures will bring that all back to me and the sadness can take a back seat for a while. I've had too much sadness in my head for the past several years.

I'm doing my best to eat low carb. I know it shouldn't be a big concern right now but I am not going to totally undo the little progress I have made. Friday night will be a challenge because we're going to DS's house after the visitation and there will be snacks. With it being Lent (and not everyone in the family observes meatless Fridays) we have to have foods that will be acceptable to everyone.

I need to get a grocery list going so I have food for the weekend....I'm thinking mostly sandwich stuff, fruits, veggies/dips....we'll have the meal after the funeral at Mom's church and it's a big meal so in the evening we won't need much. I think maybe I'll make a salad or two also. Keeping it simple....
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Old 03-25-2014, 07:06 AM   #1339
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Thinking about you often sweetie!! Holding you close in my thoughts. Wish I were close enough to help.

Seems odd to share right now since you've got a lot going on but the scale is going back down the TOM weight thankfully. Have a few more days before it's totally out the door though. So we'll see what I'm left with at that point.

Did my strength training already today. Going to do some cardio later and hoping to get two yoga sessions in. However a lot will depend on the rest of the day's happenings going smoothly.
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Old 03-25-2014, 07:45 AM   #1340
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Share away! Nice to have some things continue in a somewhat normal way right now. Life goes on and although I will always miss her I will do my best to get back to normal like she would have wanted.

I'm not going to stress about food till next week! I will do my best to stay low carb because I need something to focus on besides the funeral but I'm not going to be nuts about it.

Yesterday my sister went through a box of stuff Mom had saved for her that included pictures her kids drew for Grandma as well as other stuff....we laughed till we almost wet our pants. There are many more boxes of stuff like that to go through and I'm looking forward to seeing all the other stuff she saved!
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Old 03-26-2014, 05:19 AM   #1341
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I spend all last night going through photo albums....working on the poster boards for her wake....I'm just loving seeing all the pictures! I went through 10 albums last night and I have 4 boxes of albums waiting to be looked at....plus I have my own photo albums to check. I'm being very selective and I'm sure I won't go through all of her albums. I'm looking for certain pictures and several of her albums won't have what I'm looking for.

I have PT today so that will give me a little break from all of this.

With the way DH's work schedule is he will be off work till next Friday! He is allowed 3 days off for bereavement so he took today and then Monday and Tuesday since this is his weekend off. Then next week Wed. and Thurs. are his normal days off! I'm so glad he'll be home to help out. He's going to clean the basement bathroom for me and next week he'll be here to help with Ruthie!
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Old 03-26-2014, 07:40 AM   #1342
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Hey, lots and lots of and even more .

Doing okay here. Scale jumped up but I'm pretty sure it's because I added weights to my strength workout instead of just doing body weight. So, I'm trying not to stress too much. But you know me... I'll stress anyway.

I'm eating half portions today... kind of a pseudo Down Day. Not counting calories just eating half of what I would normally eat. Also today will be a 45 minute cardio workout at some point.

Plus we have TONS of work to do around the house. Hubby took the week off so that we could get some small projects done and hopefully have some fun too. But at the same time I have to keep up with my daily stuff or I'll never get ahead.

We stumbled a bit on our budget. I'm trying to wrangle that back in as well before it gets out of hand. Still no job news for hubby and I'm starting to get scared.

But all I can do is that it will all work out and just keep getting healthy and taking care of this house.
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Old 03-27-2014, 05:21 AM   #1343
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And bouncy bouncy the scale is down a smidge... I'm still up a ton from pre-TOM but it is what it is.....

I've been trying to incorporate Menses Training Protocol to take advantage of my cycle but eating how I do right now with AIP protocol it's hard to hit the numbers.

Example: Days 1- 14
I'm supposed to have between 150 and 200g carbs. I have a hard time going much over 100 and I constantly feel like I'm eating on those days that I do.

Focus on longer duration cardio~~ This is hard to do because I've got a ton of other stuff going on. I would love to go for a long walk twice a day like I did when the kids were little and I could just throw them in the stroller and go. You would think it would be easier with them older but it's not.

Focus on traditional weight training~~ This was much easier. I just pulled out the heavy dumbbells that my hubby had floating around and did traditional weight training like I used to do back in the day. Felt really great afterward. Will be doing that again today along with some long duration slow cardio after everyone leaves for school.

So, in the end I'm sort of following protocol but at the same time I'm not 100% following it. Makes me wonder if I'm doing more harm than good.

Anyway, normally we do sprints on Saturdays but the weather will be nice enough to fly kites at the beach tomorrow. So, we'll switch things up a bit. Also I think we'll do the long walk on Saturday instead of Sunday and walk down to the library. Kill two birds with one stone.

We'll also get a lot of walking in on Sunday simply because that is usually shopping day so that should help with my personal goals. I'll have them do strength training today(usually done on Friday).

The whole family is looking really good... I just wish the changes would happen just as quickly for me.
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Old 03-27-2014, 03:30 PM   #1344
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I've got a bit more to do before my brother/family and DS/family arrive tonight. Most stuff is ready but I need to clean my fridge and get some food ready. Doing crockpot breakfast for tomorrow (oatmeal with apples) and for Saturday (hashbrowns, bacon, eggs, cheese)...Sunday breakfast will be cereal, fruit, eggs or whatever. All the other meals are covered either at DS1's house or at the church for the funeral luncheon.

Need to clean up the kitchen and if I have time I'll fold and put away some clothes....or they'll stay in the baskets for now! LOL!

Hope your plans for food and exercise work for you! I don't know if you remember but about 2 years ago we bought the TRX training strap system....well, with the chaos of the last 2 years we never got it set up. Turns out my niece is a certified TRX trainer and so we'll have her help us set things up while she's here! She can show us a few exercises to get us started, too! It will be a good distraction during our down time.

I'm doing good so far....a few things here and there have made me a little sad but mostly I still feel relief that Mom's struggle is over. I know some people will not understand so much how I feel right now but that's because they haven't had to watch her sink into dementia day after day. I've grieved for her since her diagnosis 5 years ago....so now I'm happy she's in a better place!
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Old 03-28-2014, 05:10 AM   #1345
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Good Morning!!

Keeping busy during times like these is definitely a good thing. Your are right though. If people have gone through this kind of thing themselves they aren't going to understand the relief side of the grief. Just know you do have someone that understands.

I remember the TRX system. In fact we saw one at the store recently and it made me think of you.

I would love to get something like that but have no where to hook it up and no money to buy it. Maybe if we get a new house after hubby gets settled into a new job.

Scale it up a smidge. Only like .2 or something... I'm pretty sure it's a sodium reaction to some food hubby brought home.

Now that TOM is almost completely out the door I'm hoping that the bloat and what not will also leave. Usually it's gone by this point in my cycle so I'm kind of scared that I'll be yet again struggling for the next month just to get close to the lower set of numbers....

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Old 03-29-2014, 06:22 AM   #1346
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After slowly going up the week before/of TOM I am now slowly going back down. So basically the weeks before and during are a bust. That means I only have the opportunity to lose week for 2wks a month. That's if my body doesn't choose to gain during ovulation.

So, if you knock it down to 1wk a month that my hormones will let me lose anything... well that's just so dang depressing.

I'm hoping I can continue to heal and maybe balance out those hormones enough that it'll allow me to lose all month.

In the mean time I'm in day 8 of the days 1-14 of the cycle(menses training protocol). I wasn't great on the exercise front during the first week. I'm hoping to fix that starting today through day 14.

On day 15 I begin sprinting more. Also adding in fast paced weight training. It says to add BCAA and/or fiber between meals. Not sure if I want to add another supplement but I have a few days to decide.

Carbs will be knocked down to 75g which is much much easier for me to achieve.

Anyway, I know I'm dropping off mid thought but I need to get to work. Lots to do before we head out this evening.

Laterz!! And hang in there this weekend sweetie!! I'll be thinking and for you and your family.
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Old 03-29-2014, 06:32 AM   #1347
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Good Morning! I'm doing good so far.....the visitation went well....saw people I haven't seen in a long time. We got the grandkids picture although DIL didn't get up to get in it. She seemed really tired so I didn't push it. It's been great spending time with the family, too. DS1's house is the perfect place for everyone to gather!

Time to get ready to go to the church....
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Old 03-31-2014, 05:17 AM   #1348
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Happy Monday!!

Hope your weekend went well in spite of things. I'm sure the time with family was nice.

I'm exhausted and avoiding the scale today. I decided I would restart AIP from the beginning on April 1st. So then the weekend became about having everything that I couldn't have on it.

It was all still Paleo and/or Primal but it was all the things I'd been missing like coffee. OMGosh I practically OD'd on coffee.

I have paid for it with a migraine today and I'm avoiding the scale for a few days.

Otherwise it was a decent end to a decent week. Hubby goes back on a regular schedule this week so I'm hoping I can get the kids through a good chunk of school as well. They're outside classes are on spring break so that will help keep them focused here at home. I hope....

We're also going to try to get back to our full workout schedule this week. It was light the last couple weeks because of all the work on the house, running errands, and my TOM issues.

So time to get back to it.... Need to start making some major progress now.

So in addition to restarting the AIP I will also be focusing more on exercise for myself. I'll do additional sessions separate from the family or making the family workouts more intensive. Not just sure yet.

I have 15wks until the big b'day trip so no time to lose.
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Old 03-31-2014, 07:45 AM   #1349
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I've been playing with Ruthie this morning....first we built Potato Head people, then we found the bin with the Disney beanie babies....now she's taking a little break to eat and watch a TV show....DH (Pop Pop!) will take her for a walk in a little while to get out and get some fresh air...

I've got PT in a little while then back to make lunch. DS2 has to go back to St. Louis to work for a few days before he comes back here for the weekend. I've got to work on thank you notes for all the donations for Mom and then I have to see what else I need to do to get all her affairs settled. Not looking forward to all the stuff that needs to be done.

Eating as been way off plan....I'm paying for it with puffy feet and ankles. I hope to do better during the week but I'm not weighing for at least 2 weeks to give the retention time to go away.
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Old 04-01-2014, 05:36 AM   #1350
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Happy Tuesday!!

Glad you've had some good times with Ruthie!! You'll get eating back on plan when you're ready.

And the scale is yet again back up..... I am currently 6lbs higher than my AIP low. I'm restarting day 1 today so hopefully that will get any inflammation back under control and get the scale moving down again. I've got some jeans to get my booty in to and some new shoes to earn.

Today is weight lifting day. Plus cardio for me.

If they guys want to do the extra cardio I won't stop them but I'm not requiring it.
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