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Old 10-26-2013, 01:38 PM   #1021
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Halloween party tonight....I'm not even going to pretend I'll eat right....I'll be careful to not eat too much but if there is something that looks good, I'm eating it....I know that I'll have a couple of adult beverages, too.

I guess I'm sad that I don't even feel like trying real hard today. Oh, well.....I'll enjoy myself with no regrets and then work on getting back on track tomorrow....
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Old 10-27-2013, 10:21 AM   #1022
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I did much better than I thought I would last night with food....the food looked good but I just didn't want it....I had a couple of meatballs, some salad, a few chips/dips and a piece of dessert....I did have some RumChata shots later in the evening and a pudding shot but that's it....drank water most of the night.

Now it's time to get my grocery list going so that I can figure what I need to stay on plan....I have food here for a few more days so I don't need to rush with the list...
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Old 10-28-2013, 06:07 AM   #1023
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Glad you did good at the party!!

Today is a new day and I'm starting fresh yet again. Gotta let the past go and just keep moving forward.

I don't know what I want to do program wise "officially". So I'm just going to wing it. My aim will be to keep the fat up, carbs low, and calories decent.

But we'll see how that goes. As long as I keep away from the junk food and don't binge I'll be happy.

Other than that we've been working on some major projects around here. Moved some old dressers from my son's room to my daughter's.

Moved her dressers downstairs to do second duty as a shoe cabinet at the front door and media drawers near the tv/game area.

Now we need to find a replacement for the armoire we were using as a coat closet at the front door. We gave it to DD to serve as extra closet space.

It also served as a way to block the front door so you didn't feel exposed when in the living room. Last night felt really weird when ever the hubby went outside to do something.

I'll spend part of today pricing armoires. Everything is so tight though I doubt I'll find anything within our budget.
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Old 10-28-2013, 01:49 PM   #1024
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I had to go to Mom's this morning for weekly meeting with the RN and Stepfather had a dr. appt. Made a shake for breakfast in the car on the way. I have 3 pkg. of bacon that I need to cook today. I have chicken broth simmering in the crockpot.....not sure if I'll make cauliflower soup with it or just sip on the broth.

I made some egg salad for lunch and ate it with some gf crackers I bought the other day....the crackers were tasty but too carby to use often. I'll make some oopsie rolls or almond flour buns when I want egg salad.

I really need to go through fridge and freezers and get my list done. I hope to go to the store tomorrow to get whatever I need to complete recipes using the stuff I have at home. I want to use things up and start fresh now that DS has moved out.

Guess I better get going and actually accomplish something today!
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Old 10-29-2013, 05:05 AM   #1025
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Morning!!

After skipping the scale, for 2 days I think, I finally did a reality check. I'm where I expected to be which is in the high range of my current bounce.

That's fine... I'm not going to beat myself up over it. But I'm also going to tighten the reigns a bit. I did mostly fat and meat yesterday. I had some carbs from my homemade meds but that was it.

I'll try to skip the meds today and just do meat and fat. If I can get on a roll with that then I may be able to get the weight loss ball rolling. Also getting the cravings under control as well.

I have an idea of where I want to be at certain times but I'm fighting my goal mentality. I tend to sabotage myself if I have a specific goal having to do with numbers.

So, I'm just going to aim on eating healthy for me and reversing all the pain that's left from my last relapse.
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Old 10-30-2013, 05:38 AM   #1026
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Happy Wednesday... I think... My days are kind of running together.

Anyway, rough night last night. Got sick in the middle of trying to get some last minute costume pieces at the store. Literally had to run to the car and barely made it outside.

All I could think was "I can't be sick" over and over.... I have too much going on this week to be sick. Next week is fine...

We're hoping at this point that it was just one of my severe migraines that can be triggered by sensory overload... bright lights, loud people, etc....

I feel like a truck ran me over today but it's more like a migraine hangover than actual flu bug. I hope I hope.......

Other than that... scale is coming down but not sure if it can be counted considering last night.

Will be continuing with high fat, low carb today... At least that part of my day went awesome until hubby gave me some crackers to help my stomach. Only ate maybe 3 or 4. So not exactly horrible. Wasn't like I ate the whole package or anything. In the scheme of things that was all the carbs I had for the day(maybe 10). So not really bad.

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Old 10-30-2013, 06:58 PM   #1027
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Hope you're feeling better tonight!

After a rough night of poor sleep, I got a phone call that Stepfather went to the ER again so I went to Mom's...he was home by the time I got there. He's ok for now...I did have a short discussion with him trying to make him understand that if he has to go to the ER he needs to let me know...he called the home care people and had them send someone to sit with Mom and had someone drive him...so he didn't even call his daughter. Told him he needs to tell me no matter what. He probably won't but I'll deal with it each time it happens.

Because I had to rush out this morning I didn't get to eat a good breakfast but I did have a little ground beef. I didn't get home till almost 2 p.m. so it was about a half hour after that when I finally had lunch.

I've been able to stay on plan despite the long, crazy day. I just had some eggs for dinner while DH had a frozen pizza that he doctored up a little.

I hope to stay home tomorrow and actually accomplish something....

Found out today that we have to go to a military retirement dinner on the 9th....need to plan what to wear...not sure how dressy it will be....the restaurant where it's being held is fairly casual so I guess I'll have to wait till the actual invitation arrives to know more.
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Old 10-31-2013, 05:40 AM   #1028
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I was up early again....I'm not happy about it. I'd love to sleep good for more than 4 hours....actually I'd love to sleep good. I went to bed after hot tub time...which really makes me drowsy....I woke 2 hours later but dozed off...sort of slept but not well till almost 6 a.m. when the cat started to pester me. So I may be napping today...

Not sure what I'll be eating today. Have a big roast to put in the crockpot and some bacon that needs to be cooked. Also 2 spaghetti squashes although I'll probably only cook one today. I have veggie/beef soup started from the other day and need to finish that so DH can have it for lunch today. I need to cook some eggs for egg salad, too. I'll have plenty choose from if I can get this all done today!

I may just do a protein shake for breakfast....
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Old 10-31-2013, 06:04 AM   #1029
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I'm not sleeping well either... ugh...

Our issue is the cat... We usually shut her up at night but she's been knocking over her water bowl lately to show that she's mad.

In the mean time some of the water crept under the bathroom cabinet and rotted the wood. So now we have to replace that area or replace the whole cabinet. When we start pulling out the wood this weekend we'll find out.

that it's not too horrible.

Anyway, long story short... We have been having to leave her out at night so that she won't continue to knock the water over in anger. Unfortunately we're being reminded why we started putting her up at night to begin with.

She paces and meows ALL NIGHT LONG....

That plus being sick and taking care of a sick kids makes for a very grumpy mommy.
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Old 11-01-2013, 05:00 AM   #1030
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Sometimes it takes a stupid kid making a stupid comment that embarrasses both you and your dd.... That moment of pure h*ll for both you.. to be the catalyst for fixing things...

What.... ever... it... takes...

I don't even care what program I do anymore... I just need to not be "that" mom.
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Old 11-01-2013, 03:47 PM   #1031
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Went to Mom's this morning....back home in time to spend a little time with DH before he left for work....then a quick run to the grocery store. Have a few things to do tonight but mostly just relaxing. Going to Mom's is very draining sometimes....had a meeting with her social worker today....got info about a caring for the caregiver day in 2 weeks...I might go...there will be breakfast (I'm sure it will be donuts, etc.), some presentations, massage chairs and other things and then lunch (I wonder what it will be)....I'll call and as a few questions to find out more about it before I decide if I want to go.

Food is ok.....scale is firmly in the middle of my bounce range...would love to get out of that range! Maybe someday!
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Old 11-02-2013, 10:48 AM   #1032
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I've avoided the scale the last couple days.

Having a bout of severe depression at the same time Halloween comes around is not a good combo.

I feel awful and hope to turn this around before I start pushing 300 again. Undoing everything that I have worked so dang hard to maintain the last couple years.... even if I couldn't lose at least I stayed within 20lbs of my lowest..... Now I fear that may become history if I don't get this under control......
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Old 11-03-2013, 01:23 AM   #1033
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Wish I had some good advice but I can't even help myself at this point.

I've had so many cravings....not for anything specific which makes it harder to deal with because nothing satisfies me the last few days. So far I've been able to mostly ignore the cravings but I don't know how much longer I can. It would be easier to ignore them if I was seeing progress but that's not happening.

Had to go to Mom's early because Stepfather had to go to the ER....I think he's going to end up with a permanent catheter which will mean he'll be in a bad mood forever. His birthday is Monday and I'm going to make him a cake.....that might cheer him up a bit. It's a cake that Mom always made and I think it's his favorite.

Fell asleep in the recliner while DS was here visiting and woke to a dark house....he was here doing laundry and catching up on recorded shows...he doesn't have TV hooked up at his house yet. When his laundry was done he just shut all the lights off and left...only the TV was on when I woke...it's the middle of the night and I should probably try to get back to sleep. DH is at work and will be home in about 2 hours or so....not sure I can stay awake till he gets home.
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Old 11-03-2013, 04:39 AM   #1034
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My pigging out on junk food continued through most of yesterday. So much so that when it came time to eat our nice healthy dinner I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Even the idea of it made me feel...

So, today I'm going to attempt to start a 3 day(minimum) detox. Unfortunately it's grocery day. That should make it fun.

I probably should wait till tomorrow because I'll have 3 to 4 days of nothing needing my attention outside of the house.

But at the same time I really don't want to do any more damage.

If I can't stick to the detox then I may just keep it simple healthy foods then detox officially starting tomorrow.

I just really need to back out of this situation and start making things better NOW.
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Old 11-03-2013, 01:44 PM   #1035
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good luck with the detox!

We went to a church chicken dinner today for lunch....it's a fund raiser for the church we used to go to...we're heathens now because we don't make the effort to get up and go since we moved away from town. Our kids went to school there as did DH and his siblings. The nuns remembered us and our kids and loved seeing the pic of DS2/family. The lunch consisted of chicken, potatoes, green beans, salad, bread and cake.....I didn't say no to any of it... And now I'm drinking a coke...not diet because every time I drink diet soda I get bad rashes so I stole a regular coke from DH...I just needed a bubbly drink....
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Old 11-04-2013, 06:11 AM   #1036
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Happy Monday!!

New beginnings and all that fun stuff.

I'd like to say I started today out great but I did end up grabbing one of the kids mini pieces of chocolate while I was fixing my coffee. Ate it before I remembered I wasn't supposed to be doing that.

The rest of the day will be fine so I'm not going to stress about one piece. But I have to say those kids better finish up their candy or it's going to get scary here.
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Old 11-04-2013, 03:46 PM   #1037
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Long day....found out that Kayli's other Grandpa passed away last Thursday...did some emailing with her Mom before messaging with Kayli to be sure it was ok....Kayli replied to my message saying she was doing ok...her Papa wanted her to be happy not sad so she is doing her best to be happy. I'll wait till tomorrow and call her...

Signed up for a caring for caregivers event next week...it will be a few hours with presentations, massage chairs, etc. Continental breakfast and lunch is provided...I'll eat breakfast before I go so I'm not tempted by donuts/pastries....not sure what lunch will be.

I'm going to use one of my new recipes for single serve muffins to make a grilled cheese sandwich...I hope it works!

Off to get some dinner made for DH....
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Old 11-05-2013, 08:41 AM   #1038
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So sorry to hear about Kayli's Grandpa. Hope she's okay.

Hope you enjoy the caregivers outing.

Well, I finally did it and faced the scale this morning to see just how bad it was. It honestly wasn't as bad as I expected. Now to get things on the right track. It's just so hard when you're depressed and angry all the time. I don't drink, I don't take meds... so what's left... meditation/exercise or food. I can't slow down my brain enough for meditation lately and exercise has been hard because of my level of pain right now. So that just leaves food and trying to use it to numb things. I'm here to say it doesn't work. Just makes things worse.

I KNOW this but still fall into that trap every year at this time.

Maybe this year will be different.
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Old 11-05-2013, 09:34 AM   #1039
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Back from Mom's house....we have a few errands this afternoon....I think I'm going to try a new recipe for a jalapeno chicken chili....I have cooked chicken and I have some chicken stock....just need to find the recipe again and see what else I need. It's a chili kind of day!

I know what you mean about it being so hard while being depressed and angry....I keep thinking "what else do I have to give up???" I can't drink diet soda (which used to help), I have chosen to give up so many foods that cause me problems but I miss them, I can't exercise like I want....what's left? I'm hoping that the caregivers thing will offer some good advice on stress relief and so on....I know there will be a nutritionist there and I'll talk to her (or him)...I do know that low carb is the way for me to go so if low fat/healthy grains are suggested I will just ignore it. That's how I gained all this weight back after working so hard to lose it.
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Old 11-06-2013, 04:45 AM   #1040
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Happy Wednesday!!

Yesterday probably qualified as primal but the carbs and sodium were high. Therefore I had a big jump up on the scale.

Today will be sodium high but I'm going to attempt to cut those carbs out more.

Have tons of LC staples in my kitchen so there's no reason NOT to stick to my plan.
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Old 11-06-2013, 08:15 AM   #1041
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Good Morning! Still in the bounce range....need to figure this out before too much time goes by....I want to be firmly on the wagon for the holidays....so that means I need to be more diligent about everything...I could probably do better if it was only me...DH eats whatever I make but also snacks on stuff that shouldn't be in the house and I always seem to end up with a few bites of whatever he's having... Need to stop that!

Meals today are all leftovers....we have soup and roast beef to use up....
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Old 11-06-2013, 09:29 AM   #1042
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So far:
various coffees with coconut milk
breakfast: egg, Gruyere, and ham casserole
snack: grabbed a couple pepperoni
lunch: clean hotdogs and a hunk of cheese

Way too much dairy so far but I figure if it gets me through the day without munching on starchy carbs then I'm good for now.

Planned:
afternoon snack: handful of mac nuts
dinner: steaks
evening snack: only if needed, PB and Sour Cream mixed
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Old 11-06-2013, 05:45 PM   #1043
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Had a good massage....now if only I can figure out how to sleep in my bed....

Had some roast beef with a dollop of sour cream for lunch....snack of cashews (bought them at the store so I wouldn't buy chips!)....need to get some dinner....I was going to have soup but not sure I want that...I'm in the mood for some coleslaw so maybe I'll just have that....
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Old 11-07-2013, 04:32 AM   #1044
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Happy Thursday!!

Okay, so if I was true to my traditional low carb... I mean this is what I ate before and after I had my daughter many many moons ago... I figured... I should lose "something"... Right??!!



Yup, went up 3lbs. I'm going to say it's mostly the sodium but jeez..... I hate being older....

So, today now that the cravings are back under control I'll go back on shakes now for the first half of the day. Then of course lean and green for dinner.

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Old 11-07-2013, 05:24 AM   #1045
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Good Morning! Got up early and decided I really need to get back to trying to get my fitness back....so I did 20 minutes on the bike and 15 wall pushups....it's a start....

I have to go to Mom's today for the dr. visit....don't know what time he'll get there so I just plan to be there most of the day. Need to get some food made to take along.

Scale is heading to the bottom of the bounce range....got a call that my dr. appt. in 2 weeks had to be rescheduled so now it's a month away...gives me a bit more time to lose something!

I switched to Himalayan pink salt a month or so ago and don't get the retention from using salt as bad.....not sure if that's an option for you now but keep it in mind for the future. I was never a fan of salt but I seem to use more now because it tastes better...the pink salt is supposed to have a boatload of minerals, etc. so I'm hoping it's been good for me.
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Old 11-07-2013, 05:52 AM   #1046
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I have regular Sea Salt in the cabinet that I use on a daily basis.

But I also have some Himalayan Pink Salt that I haven't opened yet.

Maybe I should try that and see if it makes a difference.
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Old 11-07-2013, 01:06 PM   #1047
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I have regular Sea Salt in the cabinet that I use on a daily basis.

But I also have some Himalayan Pink Salt that I haven't opened yet.

Maybe I should try that and see if it makes a difference.
I'd try it if I were you....can't hurt and then you'd know for sure!

Back from Mom's.....I've been seeing commercials for a special through her cable company to get cable, internet and phone in a bundle for a year for the price she's paying now just for cable....I'm seriously thinking of switching so I can have internet service there without using my little portable hot spot (and not using so much of the data plan on there)....I think if they still offer it next week I'm going to see about switching.....

DH unburied my rebounder (it was in the garage piled with junk) and brought it to the basement. I asked him if he'd bring it back up so I can use it daily....if it's in the basement it won't get used much till I can get stronger and it's a good way to build up my strength right now. I have a spot in the kitchen that I can put it and it won't be too much in the way now that it's just us 2 here.....and it would only be a month or so before I'd have him take it back down (or put it in the guest room).
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Old 11-08-2013, 05:45 AM   #1048
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Good Morning! I've been up since 4 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep when DH got home so I hope I can nap later!

Scale is the same.....I'm thinking of a protein shake for breakfast...then exercise...then on to chores and cooking...

Need to do a trip to town today to drop stuff off at DS's house and then to Mom's to talk to Stepfather about the changes in the cable/internet stuff. The special pkg. that's been advertised is for new customers so I found another package that won't cost too much more than what I pay for their basic cable (it's a 12 month deal and I don't think either he or Mom will live it out .....but I'll get it and if they do live past that I'll just deal with it then.)
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Old 11-08-2013, 08:13 AM   #1049
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I'm alive... that's pretty much all I could say for today.
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Old 11-08-2013, 10:45 AM   #1050
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I'm alive... that's pretty much all I could say for today.
Being alive is good!

Did my bike time and plan to do a bunch of cooking this afternoon while DH goes to get parts to replace the radiator on the car. Then we'll do our errands in town....

I'm going to get a crockpot of chicken broth started, pre cook ground beef, make some refrigerator pickles and make a sf lemon jello concoction that I saw on FB....not sure if I'll have time for much else. I also need to clean out the fridge because tomorrow is garbage day....
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