200 Lbs. Gone, A Lifetime To Go!

[cindym]

Happy Saturday Hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend.

[Jennifer]

Evidently 12/7, in addition to being Pearl Harbor Day and my SIL's birthday, is National Pastry Day. At work there was donuts from one of my favorite local shops, so I spent my morning passing out 10 dozen donuts. Yes, 10 dozen, my dept is that big Guess who did not eat 1? The smell was driving me nuts, and there was a maple iced one I had my eyes on, but I resisted.

Had a nice dinner at Taste of TX. I was really hungry, but felt too embarrassed to eat my whole 16 oz ribeye. I know why; in my much heavier days I tried to give the impression that I didn't eat that much, because I always felt like people were watching to see how much the big person was going to eat. Now that I'm smaller and it's probably socially acceptable (in my mind) for me to eat as much as I want in public with no one thinking twice about it, I still have those residual feelings. I'm always worried about what everyone else thinks; you would think I were 14 instead of 40. But from a very early age, it was instilled in me that eating a lot and being heavy were both shameful, and I've never been able to shake that feeling, which is why I freak out at any little setback I have regarding eating and weight, and why most of my heavy duty eating is done in private.

Friday's Menu:
b - 3 eggs scrambled in butter, topped w/melted cheese; coffee w/hwc & divinci's
l - chicken breast sauteed in butter
d (at Taste of Texas) - salad bar (lettuce, egg, bacon, tomatoes, mushrooms, onions, sun dried tomatoes, mozz cheese, ranch dressing), ribeye, 4 asparagus spears w/hollandaise
2.5 l water, 1 can diet Coke, grande coffee from Starbucks

[Jennifer]

I got my period today for only the 2nd time since June. Tests show that I'm not menopausal, so hopefully I am getting back on track cycle-wise (last one was last month at this time). I don't know if it's because I am now medicated properly (thyroid) or because I have gained some weight???? Anyway, my last 2 big binges started about a week before TOM both last month and this month, so I will have to start being even more diligent and aware of cravings at the end of the month.

Very depressed today, and felt like I needed comfort. I had a white chocolate cranberry mocha from Starbucks which was very good, felt like I was doing something nice for myself, and didn't really cause cravings. I passed up a Godiva dark truffle sample at Target and chocolate covered pretzel chip samples at Whole Foods (I had a sample of chipotle cranberry cheddar cheese instead). Later when I was out with DH, he wanted a shake at Baskin-Robbins and I didn't get anything. He wanted fajitas for dinner and even though we had l/c tortillas I ate mine in a bowl. Definitely a victory stopping at the mocha with all of the other temptations. Especially at TOM!

DH & I had breakfast at The Egg & I, and I think one of the guys at the table next to us was a low carber. He had a scrambler which is basically eggs, vegs and cheese, a side of bacon, and substituted fruit for the potatoes that normally are served with all of their breakfasts. And he gave his toast to one of his table mates.

Saturday's Menu:
b (at The Egg and I) - 2 eggs over easy, 2 sausage patties, tomato slices, coffee w/cream & splenda
l - tall white chocolate cranberry mocha from Starbucks, cube of cranberry chipotle cheddar cheese
d - fajita bowl (chicken, green peppers, onion, pepper jack cheese, salsa, sour cream, guacamole)
2 l water, 1 can diet coke w/splenda, 1 can coke zero, grande coffee from starbucks w/hwc & Torani's

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by cindym

Happy Friday ~ What is DD Mocha Mint and Gingerbread cookie coffees ?? They sound

Dunkin Donuts flavored coffees. They are very good! Do you have DD in Canada?

[GailyGail]

Jennifer, you did a great job fighting off a craving that hit during TOM. Congratulations. Your eating has been excellent these past couple of days which shows just how strong you are mentally! I think TOM can make us feel sad, depressed and tired especially as we get older and we do have to do things to comfort ourselves. I think your strategy was excellent -- have a lovely warm Starbucks drink and then follow that with delicious low carb comfort meals.

I totally hear you about the shame of eating in public. I always make sure I don't eat too much and really watch my table manners for fear that someone is watching me and thinking that I'm a giant hog shoveling down my meal. We have to get over this but it is hard to overcome when society is so judgmental about weight and food intake.

Anyway, I hope you have a great Sunday. It is so nice to see you in such a good place!

[cindym]

Sunday

TOM causes so much difficulty with cravings and depression - good for you stacking on track.

I honestly don't know if we have Dunkin Donuts flavored coffees in Canada .... believe it or not, I rarely drink coffee. They sure sound

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by GailyGail

Jennifer, you did a great job fighting off a craving that hit during TOM. Congratulations. Your eating has been excellent these past couple of days which shows just how strong you are mentally! I think TOM can make us feel sad, depressed and tired especially as we get older and we do have to do things to comfort ourselves. I think your strategy was excellent -- have a lovely warm Starbucks drink and then follow that with delicious low carb comfort meals.

Originally Posted by cindym

TOM causes so much difficulty with cravings and depression - good for you stacking on track.

I'm sure some of my depression is hormonal, but most of it is work, the time of year, and life in general. I wish I were one of those people who can't eat when they are depressed - I would disappear!

[Jennifer]

Dreary day to match my dreary mood

At least eating was good.

Sunday's Menu:
b - 2 eggs & 3 sausage links scrambled together w/green pepper & onion and topped w/pepper jack cheese; coffee w/hwc & Torani's
l - 1 oz pepperoini, 1 oz pepper jack cheese, 7 sunburst cherry tomatoes, coffee w/hwc & divinci's
d - 1/2 ribeye, sm bacon wrapped filet, salad (lettuce, tomato, bacon, blue cheese dressing)
120 oz water, 1 can Fresca, grande coffee from Starbucks w/hwc & Torani's

Eating was good, but I was really hungry at dinner. The filet was supposed to be lunch for one day this week I wasn't very hungry at lunch time so my lunch was more like a snack; next weekend I will eat a more filling lunch to see if that helps.

I almost made l/c fudge from a mix I bought from Netrition. I was reading the directions to make sure I had everything needed to make it, but came to my senses and realized that with the way I was feeling it would lead to a binge. So I put it back in the cupboard and made myself a cup of mocha cool brew coffee with s/f chocolate syrup.

I am craving gingerbread now. My plan for my Christmas Eve cheat meal was to have a peppermint brownie w/peppermint mocha ice cream for dessert, but now I think I want a gingerbread cupcake from Crave instead. Of course it is still 2 weeks away, so I will probably change my mind 100 times by then!

[GailyGail]

Jennifer, you continue to be awesome and brave in the face of cravings! Way to go for putting the low carb fudge back in the cupboard and having a nice warm beverage instead. You should be really proud. Hope you have a great day!

[NWLoser]

Jen, you are doing well despite the depression. I know I am also one that depression does not mean not eating, just the opposite. I have always used food as a comfort. I can identify with not wanting to eat much in public as to not look like a "hog". But now that I am at a normal weight I don't care. I am sure that some people are amazed how much I eat in public. I would have eaten the whole steak and "practically licked" my plate. You are doing very well right now with your eating.

Hi Cindy & Gail! Hope everyone has a great day.

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by GailyGail

Jennifer, you continue to be awesome and brave in the face of cravings! Way to go for putting the low carb fudge back in the cupboard and having a nice warm beverage instead. You should be really proud. Hope you have a great day!

I wasn't so brave in the face of cravings today, but not too bad I'll post about it, of course

I'm loving this game!!!

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by NWLoser

But now that I am at a normal weight I don't care. I am sure that some people are amazed how much I eat in public. I would have eaten the whole steak and "practically licked" my plate. You are doing very well right now with your eating.

Hi Cindy & Gail! Hope everyone has a great day.

People probably think, 'look at that skinny b eating all she wants. No fair!!' If they only knew, right?

[Jennifer]

Hope Monday hasn't been too painful. I had an anxiety attack this morning, but was OK otherwise. Actually I got a nice surprise when something told me to check my vacation time when I was approving employee time. We can roll over 1 week to the next year, and I'm at 1 week and 1 day left. So I am *forced* to take a vacation day next Monday.

Major cold front came through last night, and the temp dropped more than 30 degrees. High today was only 52! I hate cold weather

Two of my employees had birthdays today, so of course there was cake. One had a strawberry cake, my favorite, so I took the piece that was offered to me. When I tasted it, it tasted really chemically and nasty The icing was good (cream cheese) so I ate that and threw the cake away. And yes, I know that throwing cake away is a violation of the fat girl rule Then they came around with chocolate cupcakes with whipped cream icing, and I politely declined

Monday's Menu:
b - 3 sausage links, coffee w/hwc & davinci's
l - leftover steak (ribeye & filet), cake icing
d - chicken parm recipe from Hellman's jar (chicken, mayo, parmesan cheese), caesar salad
3 l water, bottle of crystal light iced tea, grande coffee from Starbucks w/hwc & Torani's

Good night!

[NWLoser]

Originally Posted by Jennifer

People probably think, 'look at that skinny b eating all she wants. No fair!!' If they only knew, right?

I know! LOL!!! I would have thought that in the past about someone.

You did well today. I am not sure if I would have thrown the cake away even if it tasted nasty. So mark a point for yourself! You did great!

[Jennifer]

Drama at work to the point where police were called. A (ex?) boyfriend of one of my employees got into our secure suite (badge access only - he piggybacked someone and would not listen to security who cannot physically restrain him) and was cursing and yelling while the gf hid in the break room. We finally got him out of our suite and out of the building, and I had security e*scort her to their office while waiting for the police. When I went to check on her later, security told me she left with him. They said he did not force her, she said she wanted to leave so someone was e*scorting her to her car and he was outside of the building. They watched as she drove her car around to the front and picked him up

What was funny was that when I confronted him, I didn't notice that 3 of my male employees were standing right behind me ready to pounce if things got physical. They call themselves my security detail now I didn't think twice about going up to him when one of my employees was being threatened, but everyone was telling me they were afraid he was going to hurt me. Guess I need to think these things through

I was already on edge because boss wants me to organize a cookie exchange (150 employees!) and when I told him it was a bad idea and we should buy cupcakes and cookies for everyone, I was being negative. And then he said I was being negative because I am going to have to basically re-do the holiday vacation schedule because he did not tell me about a certain company policy before I started approving time off. So not only do I have to take time that I do not have to change the schedule, there are going to be some pissed off people when I give them the news.

At least I did not eat my stress away

Tuesday's Menu:
b - Carbmaster carrot cake yogurt; coffee w/hwc & torani's
l - leftover ribeye
d - chicken breast sauteed in olive oil, salad (lettuce, tomato, bacon, blue cheese dressing)
2 l water, 1 bottle diet sweet leaf iced tea, grande starbucks coffee w.hwc & torani's

[cindym]

Hello ~ Depression is a very under-diagnosed illnesses. Have you thought about taking something ?

I'm thinking this was talked about in previous posts but I'm having a loss of memory moment which isn't unusual lately.

Way to go throwing the cake away and refusing the cupcake

to all

[GailyGail]

Jennifer, what a scary thing to go through at work. I admire you for protecting your employee and doing what was right -- you are very brave. Also, good work throwing away the cake and refusing the cupcake! Yay! Your eating has been great.

Organizing a huge cookie exchange and re-doing the vacation plan all sound exhausting but it is great that you did not eat the stress away. Dealing with unexpected stuff like that is often overwhelming -- especially now during the already stressful holidays. Your boss is lucky he has such a strong, responsible flexible manager like you.

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by cindym

Hello ~ Depression is a very under-diagnosed illnesses. Have you thought about taking something ?

I'm thinking this was talked about in previous posts but I'm having a loss of memory moment which isn't unusual lately.

I am not at all opposed to anti-depressants, but went off of them when trying to get pregnant. I was then put on thyroid meds which are supposed to help with depression, but have not helped me in that regard at all. I am going to talk to my endo about prescribing something for me when I see him next month.

Originally Posted by GailyGail

Jennifer, what a scary thing to go through at work. I admire you for protecting your employee and doing what was right -- you are very brave. Also, good work throwing away the cake and refusing the cupcake! Yay! Your eating has been great.

Organizing a huge cookie exchange and re-doing the vacation plan all sound exhausting but it is great that you did not eat the stress away. Dealing with unexpected stuff like that is often overwhelming -- especially now during the already stressful holidays. Your boss is lucky he has such a strong, responsible flexible manager like you.

It was scary to be sure!
I didn't even to get to start on the vacation schedule or cookie exchange. Work is so hectic! I wish I had Harry Potter's cloak of invisibility so I didn't get stopped all day long. I have to keep remembering that lots of people would love to have a job to be stressed & overwhelmed by.

[Jennifer]

Another good eating day. It just occurred to me that I have made it 9 days binge free. Been a long time since I have been binge free for that long.

I did eat more dinner than I planned/should have. DH had his company holiday luncheon today, and he said it was a food fest all day. He only ate half of his dinner, and since what was left really wasn't enough for another meal, I ate it. Not a binge, of course, but I definitely overate and I feel it. And it was less than 1/2 chicken breast. My physical appetite is really much smaller with low carb.

Wednesday's Menu:
b - 4 slices of bacon, coffee w/hwc & torani's
l - ribeye
d - 1.5 chicken breast sauteed in olive oil, caesar salad
2 l water, bottle of crystal light lemonade, grande starbucks coffee w/hwc & torani's

[NWLoser]

What a scary day at work. You are lucky to have "protectors". You handled it well and didn't let it send you to the "feed trough". Good job.

Congrats on the binge free days. Overeating some is not bad, especially when it is food that is "legal".

Hope everyone has a great day!

[GailyGail]

Your eating is great Jennifer! And congratulations on nine days binge free -- that is awesome. I just love how low carb surpresses and appetite and gives you energy! Dianne and Jen, I hope you guys have a great day today!

[cindym]

Wow scary stuff at work .... interesting that they had to reveiw your post? Did they remove anything before posting? Must feel very good to know that your employees are looking out for you.

I didn't know that you couldn't take anti-depressents when trying to get pregnant.

So sorry to hear about the extra work.

Binge free

[Jennifer]

Building security called me today saying that a Jason was looking for me. I wasn't expecting anyone, so I took one of my "bodyguards" with me. Turns out he was looking for Jessica <last name that sounds similar to mine> I'm getting paranoid But one good thing is that my boss arranged for me to have a parking spot right in the front of the building. My old spot was out back

Cindy, I used a word that is common in spam messages in my post. Nothing was deleted - no big deal at all

From how it was explained to me, there hasn't necessarily been reports of adverse effects from AD's on fetuses, just that no tests have been conducted to see if they are safe. Not a trial study anyone would want to volunteer for - understandably.

Almost Friday

[Jennifer]

I ate 1/2 a piece of birthday cake today. Then DH texted me that there was a dessert bar at his office & did I want him to bring me a red velvet cheesecake cupcake. Um, yeah, I would love that. But I texted him no. An employment agency that we use a lot brought me a basket with Hershey's kisses, candy cane taffy, cookies, and 2 chocolate covered marshmallow snowmen. I'm trying to forget they are there.

Baby shower tomorrow, and I am going to try to resist cake!

b - 3 eggs scrambled in butter topped w/melted cheese; coffee w/hwc & davinci's
l - turkey breast, cake
d - chicken fajita bowl w/onions, green peppers, pepper jack cheese, salsa, sour cream; caesar salad
90 oz water, 1 bottle crystal light margarita, grande starbucks coffee w/hwc & torani's

[GailyGail]

1/2 a piece of cake is not bad at all! The rest of your eating is so good! And I love it that you told your husband not to bring you the red velvet cupcake. The holidays are so hard -- there is just so much junk floating around. Our office holiday party is tonight at this hip place in downtown Boston where there probably won't be much low carb food. I am going to nurse a glass of champagne and socialize -- and then plan to go home at a decent hour and make myself an omelette -- LOL! Hope you have a great day!

[Jennifer]

That sounds like a great plan Gail! Enjoy the party and your omelette!

[Jennifer]

Horrible day at work. I know I need to quit my job, but can't seem to take the plunge for several reasons.

I stress ate a cupcake, and was halfway through a 2nd before I realized what I was doing. I threw 1/2 of the 2nd cupcake away, but was really caving dark chocolate so I had a Hershey's special dark miniature, which hit the spot. It didn't make my day any less crappy, but at least I wasn't craving sweets on top of being stressed and upset.

I'm not proud that I gave in to cupcakes, but I am proud of myself for stopping before I got started. I texted DH after I threw away part of the 2nd cupcake & mentioned it wasn't that good. He said that I should get whatever I really wanted tonight. I realized it wasn't about wanting anything or craving anything necessarily, it was about trying to make myself feel better, which only made me feel worse. One of my favorite bands from the 90's, 10,000 Maniacs, has a song called "Don't Speak". It's about alcohol, but there is a line that goes, "If you really think of it, both long enough and hard, the drink you drown your troubles in, is the trouble that you're in now". Substitute sugar (or food) for drink, and sound familiar?

Anyway, disaster averted; for now at least. Neighbors brought over a box of individual cheesecakes - 4 each of plain, red velvet, key lime, and chocolate. I put them in the fridge in the garage so hopefully out of sight out of mind, but I can't stop thinking about how good one would taste with the coffee I am drinking right now.

b - 2 sausage patties, coffee w/hwc & davinci's
s - 1.5 cupcakes, Hershey's special dark miniature
l - turkey breast, salad
d (Fudrucker's) - grilled chicken salad, coke Zero
2.5 l water, grande starbuck's coffee w/hwc & torani's

[Jennifer]

I resisted the siren call of the cheesecake last night, but have decided to make this a free weekend. I am really depressed and feeling sorry for myself (not all about weight/food), and am feeling that restriction will lead to a binge, so I am granting myself permission to eat what I want.

I will post what I eat

[GailyGail]

Jenn, you deserve to have a free weekend. Work stress is HORRIBLE and you need to relax with your husband and enjoy the time away from work too. You also need to pat yourself on the back for walking away from the second cupcake.

You are handling your maintenance really well. First, you are at goal and look great (which you never give yourself credit for) and most people at your stage have planned cheats where they let themselves have the high carb foods they want as long as they hop back on low carb within due time. You eat really well 90% of the time so you are entitled to enjoy high carb foods when you can.

So let us know what you had this weekend so we can live vicariously through you -- LOL! And, I think you are a good model of maintenance because you show that it is no easy feat but you still manage to make it work anyway!

[cindym]

So sorry to hear about your work stress

Enjoy your free weekend.