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Old 10-28-2012, 10:47 PM   #451
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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As usual, when I decide to make a change (in this case tracking/weighing starting 11/1), I binge. In just the hour since I last posted, I got into the Halloween candy. Ate a bunch and threw the rest out. I suck
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Old 10-28-2012, 11:58 PM   #452
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Jennifer, don't fret over the mini binge with the candy. You are still doing great. I know you can do this. Just don't ever give up. I go through stages just like you. I just have to keep a tight rein most of the time and I goof up a small part of the time. I think if you are on track the majority of the time, you are a winner!! I admire you so very much.

Pam, I hope you are doing great. We will miss you so please pop in and let us know when you feel it is time.

Jen, If you would like to keep this just your journal once again, please message me and I will try not to interfere so much.
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Weight Loss Since Dec. 2006 = 120 lbs.

I AM NOW LESS THAN HALF OF MY FORMER SELF!!

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Old 10-29-2012, 07:24 AM   #453
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I will pop in, don't worry. Jenn, it's ok. binge sometimes and the rest balance out.
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Old 10-30-2012, 08:26 AM   #454
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Hi Jennifer and Friends ~ WOW, you have been busy since I last popped in and WOW you are so beautiful and thin. Such an inspiration and thank you so much for sharing and being honest.

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Old 11-05-2012, 07:54 AM   #455
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Hello .... had to go to the 2nd page to find you. Hope everyone is okay.

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Old 11-05-2012, 01:40 PM   #456
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Hi Jen. I hope all is well with you and you have a great time in DC. Let us know how you are. We miss you!
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Old 11-11-2012, 08:09 PM   #457
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Hi!

Had a wonderful time in Washington! Unfortunately I followed my usual M.O. of barely eating while there and binging non-stop after getting home. Not sure what is wrong with me. Anyway, I have been binge free for 2 days, but not exactly cheat free. Starting Monday I plan to stay cheat free (Induction level/list - except for yogurt occasionally since I have tons) until Thanksgiving. It's a lot of pressure to put on myself, but I have no choice since my clothes don't fit and I refuse to buy bigger sizes. I will be Spanxed up for a while for sure!
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Old 11-11-2012, 08:10 PM   #458
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Jen, If you would like to keep this just your journal once again, please message me and I will try not to interfere so much.
Not at all! I love when you post!

Last edited by Jennifer; 11-11-2012 at 08:12 PM..
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Old 11-12-2012, 04:57 AM   #459
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Sorry to be MIA friends. I was busy going off the rails and gaining weight. Such fun let me tell ya. But I've restarted my JUDDD and wanted to come say hello. Hope all are well. I'll be back.
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Old 11-12-2012, 06:21 AM   #460
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Sorry to be MIA friends. I was busy going off the rails and gaining weight. Such fun let me tell ya. But I've restarted my JUDDD and wanted to come say hello. Hope all are well. I'll be back.

Sounds like we've been doing the same thing. Time for both of us to rein it in again!
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Old 11-12-2012, 06:30 AM   #461
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So after posting that I hadn't binged in 2 days....I binged. I ate cookie dough that I bought from one of my employees whose kid was selling it, and I ate the lunch I had packed for today (cheese & roast slices). So today is day 1 to be both cheat free & binge free. Off to a good start so far - 2.25 miles on the treadmill

My long term goal is no binging for the rest of the year, and my 'for now' goal is no cheating until Thanksgiving, but really I just need to take it one day at a time. And I have to try to keep my eating separate from everything else that is going on in my life, and not turn to food for comfort or to punish myself. Yes, I use food for both; no wonder I am in the state I am in!
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Old 11-12-2012, 03:18 PM   #462
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back Jennifer ~ I'm glad that you had a wonderful time in Washington.

One day at a time
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Old 11-12-2012, 11:53 PM   #463
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Glad to see people posting again. Jen it is great to have you back. How neat was it that you got to be in Washington DC.

Just take it one day at a time and don't stress over the bumps in the road. In the huge map of life those little bumps are just that, little bumps. Look how far you have come and have kept it off. I have to remind myself of that at times, too. Prior to now, I had never kept off the weight that I lost more than a few days or weeks. So this is new ground for me and I imagine for you too. It is a learning game. I think maintaining is a whole new thing compared to losing. We all know how to lose but it is keeping it off that we need to learn. I lost weight many times over my lifetime but this is the only time I have kept it off. I think it is late as I find I am rambling. LOL! Just remember each day is a learning day and if we learn from our mistakes, we are ahead of the game.

Hi Cindy and Ellgee! I hope Pam checks in to let us know how she is doing.
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Old 11-13-2012, 08:01 PM   #464
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Thanks Diane, and you are so right that I need to keep things in perspective. I think I am just so beaten down and worn out right now that every little bump in the road may as well be a mountain.

My main obstacle is separating eating from the rest of life. Like I posted earlier, I eat for comfort as well as to punish myself. Another thing, I have a need to be perfect at everything, which of course is impossible. Especially at work where I become someone I do not like at all because of the stress and what I feel is gross incompetence on my part. I'm also so far behind that I do not think I will ever catch up. And today I ranted and raved at my boss about something; I was just up.to.here. So is he, so even though he is an a-hole, I should have given him a break. For once, he didn't deserve it. So, I binged today because (follow me if you can ) I hated the way I acted today & don't want to be that person, and I don't want to be a person who binges. So in order to separate the person I was today (ranting, melting down binging lunatic) from the person I want to be (calm, serene, non-binger) I had to be the "bad" person all the way. Makes perfect sense right? </sarcasm> I felt so bad about everything - my job, binging, going off on my boss, clothes that don't fit - that I bawled my eyes out at lunch and I didn't care who saw me. There were a few of my employees sitting in the atrium of our office building where I was, but I was so far gone that I didn't care. One even came and gave me a hug. DH has been begging me to quit my job but I bring in 1/3 of our income. TBH we both make a great salary and we would be OK without mine, but we have had some dark days financially when 1 or both of us was under- and or unemployed, and I'm scared to go back to that. But will I ruin my physical and mental health in the meantime? Not to mention my marriage. I'm very confused and overwhelmed right now, so I think it best I don't make any big decisions while I'm in this state of mind.

Anyway, I ate over $10 in junk food on the way home from work. Then DH & I went to Jason's Deli for dinner where I got a salad bar, but ate the mini-muffins, flat bread & pudding that are part of it. And I ate a couple of bites of DH's sandwich and some of his chips. I feel gross, and I have a business luncheon to attend tomorrow. It is at a steakhouse so hopefully I will be able to stay low carb, but I don't know if it is order from the menu or a set lunch. I jut hate that I am going to have to make decisions about food when I'm hanging by a thread as it is. But I think at this point I am going to have to make not binging my main focus and hope I can be responsible and mindful about my food choices.

Last edited by Jennifer; 11-13-2012 at 08:03 PM..
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Old 11-13-2012, 08:41 PM   #465
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Lightening the mood....

When I was in Washington I went to the International Spy Museum, which was incredible. There was a photo booth, and I wanted to take a picture to e-mail to DH. But, I couldn't figure out how to take a picture - or so I thought. These are the pics I sent to DH. I when he showed them to me! What I like about them, aside from me being my normal clueless about technology self (notice me biting my lip as I try to figure it out ), is that they're blurry so I look like I have smooth, line-free, pore-free skin. Although it looks like I'm nose-free too! But my hair sure looks shiny!

ETA: The pictures didn't upload The 40-year old really needs to step away from the technology

Last edited by Jennifer; 11-13-2012 at 08:42 PM..
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Old 11-14-2012, 06:28 AM   #466
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I got up this AM to exercise. Shake Weight & Body Flex DVD's which are wussy to some, but IME Body Flex really helps with toning my upper abs which I need right now. I'm so bloated & puffy, even Spanx isn't helping. My plan was to get up 2 hours early & exercise for 1 hour then work for 1 hour. I was only able to get up 1 hour earlier so opted to work out. Normally I would have stayed in bed for that hour tossing & turning and hating on myself for not being strong enough or disciplined enough to get up 2 hours earlier as planned, but I am really trying to get away from the all or nothing and perfection or why bother mind set. Baby step, but it was a start.

I've decided for now to take things not one day at a time, but one meal at a time, and really work on doing what makes me feel good long term. Binging helps short term, but eventually my stomach catches up to my brain and I feel awful physically, then emotionally. I have heard that in economics the Chinese think in 100 year timeframes, so I will have to adapt more of that type of longterm thinking - not 100 years of course, but how will I feel in an hour or 2 if I binge? I hate to have to put that much thought into it, I mean I know it is necessary to stay diligent, but diligent very easily can cross the line to obsession for me, and that is where I get into trouble. And it's so hard for me not to think about my doctor's appt on 1/4/13 and think that I have gained probably 20 lbs since then, so I have to do all I can to get it off, and this time it will be different & I can turbo diet and won't binge. Yeah, right. So I won't be obsessive, but I will be diligent, continue to exercise, separate eating from life, and journal my food for accountability without counting carbs or calories. It's a compromise and very close to moderation which I'm not normally good at, but I will do my best and see what happens.
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Old 11-14-2012, 06:30 AM   #467
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back Jennifer ~ I'm glad that you had a wonderful time in Washington.

One day at a time
cindy!

How are you? Getting ready for Christmas? I am in denial, but with American Thanksgiving only 8 days away, I can't ignore it for too much longer. Where has the year gone?
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Old 11-14-2012, 09:58 AM   #468
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Jenn, you look really amazing and you should be really proud of your weight loss. You are a great inspiration to so many of us on the low carb journey.
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Old 11-14-2012, 09:24 PM   #469
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Jenn, you look really amazing and you should be really proud of your weight loss. You are a great inspiration to so many of us on the low carb journey.
Thanks GailyGail! I love your name - my mom used to call me JennyJen and I have used it as a screen name on other sites.

You're doing great yourself - close to halfway to goal! WTG!
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Old 11-14-2012, 09:40 PM   #470
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Wednesday

Pretty good day today. No binging!!!! Like I posted earlier, I got up early to exercise. The luncheon I attended was order off of the menu at a South American restaurant known for their wonderful steaks. I got the lunch trio - soup or salad, entree & dessert. The company that sponsored the lunch said they will be by tomorrow with treats. Just what I need

When we got back to the office my boss wanted to give me my evaluation. I was very apprehensive, but he went on and on about what a wonderful job I am doing & I got a huge raise! I was shocked! DH said now you're never going to quit that damn job We went to Fleming's steakhouse for dinner to celebrate, and he had bought me a cupcake on his way home from work.

I ate a lot off plan, but did not binge, so I'm happy about that.

B - Greek yogurt w/Torani's; coffee w/hwc & torani's
L (at Churrasco's) - a few plantains, salad, 1/2 chicken breast w/avacado cream sauce topped w/onions & tomatoes, fried potatoes, caramel flan (did not finish), coffee
D (at Fleming's) - 2 pieces of bread w/roasted red pepper butter & feta butter, 1/2 wedge salad, ribeye, sauteed green beans, diet Coke
Dessert - strawberry cupcake from Crave, tall coffee from Starbucks w/hwc & Torani's
64+ oz water
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Old 11-15-2012, 08:57 AM   #471
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Jen, congratulations on your huge raise and positive review! That is really wonderful. You deserve to CELEBRATE it. Too often, we work ourselves into misery -- working so hard and sacrificing -- and we think that no one notices it. Well, clearly your boss loves and respects you -- so take that to heart! I think you deserved to go off plan to celebrate your victory --and you really didn't do much damage. BTW, isn't Flemings the best? We had one here in Boston and the food was fabulous.
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Old 11-15-2012, 08:28 PM   #472
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Thanks GailyGail!

Love your pic - you're so pretty!

We love Fleming's - it is our go to celebration place. I eat their feta butter with a spoon! And I love that they give you a $25 credit for completing an on-line survey
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Old 11-15-2012, 09:01 PM   #473
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Thursday

B - 4 slices bacon dipped in mayo, coffee w/hwc & Torani's
L - leftover chicken topped w/tomatoes & onions, chocolate chocolate chip cookie (from boss; I purposely left it in his office & he called me to come get it)
D - smoked turkey breast, leftover sauteed green beans & mushrooms, salad (lettuce, bacon, hickory bacon dressing)
100 oz water, 1 bottle crystal light appletini, tall starbucks coffee w/hwc & torani's

Except for the cookie, good day food-wise, and I got up early again to exercise. My clothes fit fine as long as I am Spanx'd up; not comfortable in the least, but I really don't want to have to buy bigger clothes.

A vendor for DH's company gave each person in his department a 4 lb smoked turkey breast - delicious! Ate it for dinner tonight and probably tomorrow too. One of the vendors for my company brought me 3 carmelita brownies from Whole Foods. It's funny because I almost bought them when I was there Friday but decided against it.

As I walked past the store in my office building where I used to buy binge food for the drive home, I had the thought that I would not be doing that again. Right now I do not want to binge, but I know that can change in a blink of an eye. As much as I love low carb, knowing that I can eat what I want has taken a lot of pressure off of me, including the desire to binge.
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Old 11-15-2012, 10:35 PM   #474
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Congratulations on your raise! You deserved it! When I read your posts, I am struck by how honest you are in them. I hear myself so many times in the posts that you write. I could write many of the same things. I think you are doing great and I am proud of you. Good job on celebrating but not going overboard.

Hope everyone has a great day!
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Old 11-16-2012, 03:17 AM   #475
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Good for you for NOT bingeing and realizing how far you have come -- that in and of itself is a true victory. Love that your DH got a smoked turkey for a holiday gift from a vendor -- I wish more people did that. It is so hard when there are tempting foods everywhere over the holidays -- cookies, cakes, candy, popcorn, etc.
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Old 11-16-2012, 09:39 PM   #476
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Congratulations on your raise! You deserved it! When I read your posts, I am struck by how honest you are in them. I hear myself so many times in the posts that you write. I could write many of the same things. I think you are doing great and I am proud of you. Good job on celebrating but not going overboard.

Hope everyone has a great day!
I'm sometimes afraid that I am too honest, and I'm but I figure losing weight isn't always pretty, and food addiction/eating disorders never are. I try hard to project a laissez faire attitude about it all IRL so this is my outlet. Only DH sees the real me, poor guy And I love that so many people have told me that they can relate to what I write. Not that I'm happy that people feel like this, just happy that I'm not the only one, and maybe I can help someone feel not so alone or not so hopeless.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GailyGail View Post
Good for you for NOT bingeing and realizing how far you have come -- that in and of itself is a true victory. Love that your DH got a smoked turkey for a holiday gift from a vendor -- I wish more people did that. It is so hard when there are tempting foods everywhere over the holidays -- cookies, cakes, candy, popcorn, etc.
Getting a turkey breast is definitely a low carber's dream come true!
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Old 11-16-2012, 10:05 PM   #477
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Friday - TGIF!

B - 3 eggs poached in water & cream, topped w/cheese;coffee w/hwc & davinci's
S - piece of Whole Food's berry chantilly cake small red velvet cupcake
L - chicken breast
D - smoked turkey breast, salad (lettuce, bacon, balsamic herb dressing)
100 oz water, can of diet Barq's, grande Starbuck's coffee w/hwc & torani's

The cupcake was just overkill. It was my old boss' birthday & there was my fave cake. We call the cake the <company name> cake because everyone loves it & it's what everyone gets for their birthday. Anyway, I had my piece and then someone came in with red velvet cupcakes. I have been craving red velvet & they were small so I had one I could feel the cravings coming on, but I stayed strong, and the box of brownies at my desk is still unopened. And I passed up from-scratch pumpkin pie and baby shower cake. And I was asked if I ever eat. If they only knew...

One thing did make me think. When I eat sweets, I try not to let that be the last thing I eat (except when I binging, then it's all sugar all the time) Like today, I ate cake before lunch, so that hopefully the fat/protein will balance the sugar cravings. So while everyone else took their cupcake for later I ate mine right then and there. I work 10-7, so do not have lunch until 3 or so, so while everyone else was having an afternoon snack it was pre-lunch for me. My boss made the comment that I really needed to go to lunch since I was obviously hungry. It wasn't said meanly at all, he is always concerned when he thinks I go too long without eating. Anyway, it made me realize that "normal" people don't have to shovel it all in their mouths at one time, and neither do I. And next time I will strive to just say no and limit myself to one treat per day. It's not like I will never have another opportunity to have red velvet cake again. But no regrets since IT was really good. Some of the best red velvet I have had. But lesson learned, and hopefully one I can put into practice.
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Old 11-18-2012, 07:36 AM   #478
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Saturday

B - 4 sausage links sauteed in 1t olive oil, coffee w/hwc & divinci's
L - pepperoni & pepper jack cheese
S - Whole Foods berry chantilly cake
D - smoked turkey breast, salad (lettuce, bacon, blue cheese dressing)
100 oz water, 1/2 can caffeine free diet coke

2.25 miles on the treadmill

I went to a different Whole Foods than I normally shop at, and this one sold the berry chantilly cake by the slice. At first I walked away from the case to check out, but went back for it. I was afraid passing it up would cause me to binge, but really I do not think it would have. I wasn't having bingey thoughts or feelings, or feeling like I just had to have the cake. Truly, I should have listened to myself better because the cake, while good, didn't do anything for me. I think it's "special" because I have it so rarely and it is truly a treat when I do. So, 2 more lessons learned - no indulging 'just because', and really listen to and heed the signals my brain and body are sending me.
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Old 11-18-2012, 09:44 PM   #479
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Sunday

B - Carbmaster banana cream pie yogurt, Atkins bar, coffee w/hwc & divinci's
L - 2 pepperoni & provolone cheese roll-ups w/mustard, grande coffee from Starbucks w/hwc & torani's
D - steak, salad (lettuce, bacon, blue cheese dressing)
120 oz water, 1/2 can caffeine free diet coke, 1 can diet coke w/splenda, 1 can coke zero

Too many soft drinks, but no sugar and binge-free day #5! Also, exercise day #5! I was apprehensive about the Atkins bar because they are binge triggers for me. DH was at church when I ate it, and it would have been so easy to eat the whole box, but I was strong. I have to admit that I am missing being in ketosis because I am really hungry. I ate 1/2 of a pretty big ribeye, and then a small bacon wrapped filet for dinner.

Tomorrow is my company's Thanksgiving employee luncheon. The Black-Eyed Pea is catering, and we have a choice of either chicken fried steak or meatloaf. I'm not a fan of chicken-fried steak, meatloaf, or The Black-Eyed Pea, so I will not be participating. Of course I will have to hear the comments about why am I not eating, and how I never eat Gets tiresome, especially when it is very noticeable that I have gained weight, so obviously I'm eating.
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:07 AM   #480
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Stats: 200/170/130
WOE: Atkins
Start Date: January 2, 2012
Jenn,
You will stay strong today at the Thanksgiving lunch -- and it is nobody's business what you eat anyway. I just had to go through my company's Thanksgiving lunch and it was tough -- especially since I ordered the desserts from a fabulous local bakery like carrot cake (it was my boss's birthday and that's his favorite) and these gorgeous mini tarts (lemon curd, fresh fruit & vanila cream, triple chocolate mousse, milky way, amaretto nut, pumpkin spice, etc.). But I made it through and so will you!

And you are doing great with your eating and exercise -- you have such great discipline, a quality which I am trying to emulate!

Don't you love Whole Foods? I love shopping there -- it is so much fun when it is not crowded. And I've seen that chantilly berry cake too -- looks divine.
GailyGail is offline   Reply With Quote
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