200 Lbs. Gone, A Lifetime To Go!

[pcaltman]

Morning all,

If only I could lose weight that fast Oh well. Nothing new, doing ok I guess. Getting really depressed with my living situation, but nothing I can do about it. Hubby doesn't mind as much as I do and the kids don't care. But I do. I am tired of tripping over boxes and having no baking dishes or coffee mugs and no place for the dogs to run. This is no fun. Still thinking there has to be a reason for all of this. Life is a challegne it's it?

[Jennifer]

Leo - Thanks for the input. I figured my system was over stimulated enough to make me moody, hormonal and bingey, but not enough to do me any good weight wise. Just my luck!

Pam - I hope you housing situation improves soon! Don't you just hate when you're at your wit's end and everyone else is so nonchalant?

[Jennifer]

...physically and mentally. Last night I was really upset about something & DH got mad at me because he said I was being pessimistic and giving up too soon. I'm sick, depressed, stressed, and over about every single thing in my life - give me a break & let me be upset. I couldn't sleep at all last night, and finally about 4:00 got out of bed and went into the living room and had an ugly cry. I got maybe a total of 3 hours sleep, my work blackberry is going crazy, and I know my day will just get worse.

[pcaltman]

So sorry Jen I think you need a hug

Oh I have a lot of those days. They aren't moments they are days or weeks anymore

Get some sleep tonight and It will get better

[Jennifer]

I am feeling better today, although still very tired. It will be a long day - I am interviewing all day and will be at the office late in my futile attempt to catch up at work. My department has tripled in the past 2.5 months because of a project and it has been crazy!!! No extra $$ of course, just 3x the work and personnel issues. Enough whining

I plan to eat dinner tonight - nothing too heavy, some ham & cheese roll-ups and a salad. I haven't had solid food since Sunday when I ate some yogurt, not even sure if that would be considered solid food?

I'm down a pound since before my latest binge. It's pretty much a false weight since I haven't been eating, but I changed my stats anyway. I'm going to stay off of the scale for the next few days while I re-introduce food.

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by pcaltman

So sorry Jen I think you need a hug

Oh I have a lot of those days. They aren't moments they are days or weeks anymore

Get some sleep tonight and It will get better

Thanks Pam. Definitely could use a hug, and back to you!

[ellgee]

Hugs, friend! I hope your day is great and things start to ease up on you. I'm playing catch up since being away on the weekend but wanted to pop in to see you.

[pcaltman]

Thanks I think I needed one as well. Doing ok I guess. The same weight today, but that's ok. Working on way too much in my life at one time. Just crazy.

Hope you have a great day

[NWLoser]

Jennifer - HUGS!! Glad that things are looking up some today. Try to take some time for yourself and just relax.

Pam HUGS!! Hope things get better for you soon on the housing.

Elgee Hi! Here is a hugs for you too.

[Jennifer]

welcome back Laura

Thanks for the hug Diane Hope everything is going well for you.

Pam - Hope things are getting less hectic.

[Jennifer]

My brother just got home from the Middle East

SIL is having a surprise welcome home party on the 20th, so whenever I am tempted to cheat I think about our trip home next weekend. Although tomorrow at work we are having some events for breast cancer, and I might have a piece of cake in memory of my mom. I'll see how I feel, and it depends on what kind of cake it is

[NWLoser]

Jennifer How exciting that your brother is home. That is great. You sound much better in your posts today.

Pam Hope things are coming along better for you.

Laura

I hope everyone has a good Friday. I am just happy with myself for being able to control my eating the last 2 weeks without losing total control and stuffing my face. That is a victory for me!

[ellgee]

Hey Pam, Dianne and Jennifer!!!!

Ahhhh, Friday! Woo hoo!

Jen - so glad your brother is home! You sound good. I'm happy!

Pam - hope things are settling down for you. Stress is so NOT good for us but it feels like we live on the perpetual stress wheel.

Dianne - what's going on in your corner of the world - LaLa Land! LOL! We must be neighbors. I reside there full time. Congrats on the control! That's for sure a victory. I struggle with the same issues.

[pcaltman]

Hi all,

Thanks for all the well wishes. I guess I just need to take one day at a time. You all are doing great.

Welcome home brother

Hubby driving down to pick up my son from college today for a short stay. So excited. My daughter misses him so, it's really cute

Starting over today and being good. Have a great Friday.......

[Jennifer]

Thanks everyone! I'm feeling much better physically - I can breathe!!! - but mentally and emotionally I'm a mess. But things that are making me that way aren't going to go away, and I know I don't need to add the stress of binging to the mix. So I really need to focus on the bad side of binging, and not the temporary comfort and zoning out bliss it brings me.

Originally Posted by NWLoser

I hope everyone has a good Friday. I am just happy with myself for being able to control my eating the last 2 weeks without losing total control and stuffing my face. That is a victory for me!

That is a huge victory!

Originally Posted by ellgee

but it feels like we live on the perpetual stress wheel.

Boy does it ever! I will never not be stressed at work, but being so busy make it 1000 x's worse. Don't think I'll ever catch up, and taking a 4 day weekend next week will make it worse

Originally Posted by pcaltman

Hi all,
Hubby driving down to pick up my son from college today for a short stay. So excited. My daughter misses him so, it's really cute

I'm so happy for you! Enjoy the weekend with your family!!

[Jennifer]

I had cake & a cupcake today. The cupcake was unplanned, but I did not binge, and I did not justify myself into eating a bunch of other junk.

I'm so torn about what to do right now diet-wise. These are the conflicting thoughts that keep running through my head:

• I'm at an OK weight for now. Time to start concentrating on toning up

• The plan was to start climbing the carb ladder at 135, so start climbing the carb ladder!

• If I really buckle down I can probably get to my goal of 117 by my birthday 1/11

• I need a break from the head games of losing weight. Eat how you want (within reason) without regard to carb count or the scale. Oh wait, I don't know the meaning of 'within reason' when it comes to food

• The sooner I get this weight off, the sooner I can have my plastic surgery

• Start accounting for every bite I put into my mouth & weigh myself on a daily basis

All of these thoughts are contradictory to each other, and just when I think I've decided what to do, I think of a better reason to do the opposite.

So of course I will do the only thing an obsessed, OCD person can do: weigh, measure and journal every bite that goes into my mouth, and weigh myself daily. I'm also going to keep a count of my binge free days. I feel peaceful when I do these things

So now that I've made a decision and I will start tomorrow, I'm wracking my brain trying to remember if there is anything bad in the house

[Jennifer]

I scrounged up some Quest bars & yogurt to munch on, then moved on to left over roast and ham & cheese. WTH is wrong with me???

Getting on the scale before Monday is out of the question, but I will get back on plan tomorrow & stay there!!!

[Leo41]

Jennifer-
It may be that nothing is wrong for you--except being unaware of 'triggers.'
I love the Quest bars because of their limited ingredients, and I first bought them for traveling. But I discovered that they are a major trigger for me.

A few months back, I foolishly bought a few to 'keep in the house for an occasional treat' (Oh, how we lie to ourselves). Not only did I polish them all off immediately, but I went on to a major binge from there.

I remind myself of this because I occasionally find myself thinking, "It would be nice to have just one," but I know that's the road to self-destruction.

Unfortunately, I have so many 'triggers' that my menu is rather limited. But I prefer that to gaining weight

[Bejewelme]

Jennifer- dont set a too low goal for you to have surgery, I had surgery at 200 pounds to fix my skin and I can still lose, but honestly the way I push myself and control my diet that darn scale just doesnt budge, it is crazy! I think I was an ox in another life or something, LOL

You have got to be so thin, if you want surgery make it a priority!! It was the hardest but the best thing that I ever did! Not to mention, my stomach skin weighed almost 9 pounds, you lost more weight than I did, so you probably have close to 15 pounds of excess skin which means you weigh like 120! That is tiny!

I get so obsessed with the eating, tracking, carbs etc, so I focus on my workouts and seeing positive change in my arms and tummy and stuff, I have to accept to some degree I am a big girl and I am never going to weigh 150 pounds, the daily weighing, tracking it gets so overwhelming!

You need to enjoy your victory and how far you have come, we get so focused on the day to day we forget the big picture, people always tell me that, and now here I am saying it!!!

Hang in there hun, you have so much to be proud of!

[pcaltman]

Jenn you can do it. I agree with everyone

bejewelme - love that "You need to enjoy your victory and how far you have come" Made me think and smile, even before my cup of coffee

[Jennifer]

Thanks everyone!

Originally Posted by Leo41

Jennifer-
It may be that nothing is wrong for you--except being unaware of 'triggers.'

It's not all about triggers, it's mostly mental. I made the decision to get back to weighing, tracking, measuring, journaling, etc so in my mind there had to be a clear 'beginning'. Since the change had to do with getting back to serious weight loss mode, I had to do something out side of serious weight loss mode, ie - EAT! I needed to feel mentally that there was "change" involved. Not sure if I am explaining it well, but that is what I meant by what is wrong with me. Most people would have just said, "ok, back to business" without feeling the need to do what I did. And it's not like I was "good" (I hate classifying food/eating as good or bad) yesterday, I ate cake & a cupcake! That should have been enough to mark the difference to getting back to it.

Originally Posted by Bejewelme

Jennifer- dont set a too low goal for you to have surgery,

I get so obsessed with the eating, tracking, carbs etc, so I focus on my workouts and seeing positive change in my arms and tummy and stuff, I have to accept to some degree I am a big girl and I am never going to weigh 150 pounds, the daily weighing, tracking it gets so overwhelming!

You need to enjoy your victory and how far you have come, we get so focused on the day to day we forget the big picture, people always tell me that, and now here I am saying it!!!

Hang in there hun, you have so much to be proud of!

The reason I'm waiting is because of my yo-yo'ing. If I'm going to go through the expense and pain of surgery, I want to be in a place where my mindset is stable enough to keep my weight stable within 5 lbs or so to prevent stretching out my skin again.
You are so right that I need to focus on how far I have come, but I will not feel like a success until I have the binging under control. And I don't feel like I can really work on getting the binging under control until I have lost enough weight to have wiggle room for any setbacks, hence my low goal. Catch 22
Believe it or not, the tracking is soothing to me, but I'm a weird, OCD numbers nerd What stresses me is having to worry about it. I mean, I don't have to it's just the pressure I put on myself.

Originally Posted by pcaltman

Jenn you can do it. I agree with everyone

bejewelme - love that "You need to enjoy your victory and how far you have come" Made me think and smile, even before my cup of coffee

Hope you're enjoying your time with your son!

[pcaltman]

Good morning,

Excited today for football. I have decided to make all sorts of munchies for the games. I will be eating hot artichoke dip, cheese and mini hot dogs. The kids will have other stuff too. Down 2.5lbs this am, very happy about that. Woeking on it, but in a good place

[Jennifer]

Hope you had a fun weekend Pam! Keep up the good work - you'll be in the 140's soon!

[Jennifer]

What a shock!

In all seriousness I had to do a lot of thinking today (after a horrible binge Saturday) about what I want and what I want to accomplish. And I realized that being thin doesn't really matter to me as much as I thought it did. I'm healthy, I like eating l/c, I'm at an OK size. What I really want and need to focus on is stopping the binging. I have no plans to give up my l/c WOE, or even give up trying to lose weight. But no food is going to be off limits; maybe that will stop the urgency to eat everything in sight when I eat 1 thing off plan. I will post what I ate for the day for accountability only, and I'm not going to weigh myself or obsess over how my clothes fit.

[Leo41]

Jennifer-

Have you read Brain Over Binge? It really helped me a lot in dealing with my own 'compulsive overeating.' I haven't eliminated it yet, but I've substantially reduced my 'incidents.'

The book is basically her story of how she overcame bulimia on her own after years of therapy that was no help at all. I found it fascinating because she really explains very well how our own brains control us, and how the urge to binge affects everyone who has restricted eating for a significant period of time.

Some people complained that there wasn't enough focus on the 'techniques.' She now has a website where there's more discussion of the techniques (and it's very helpful), but IMO, it's essential to read the book first to put it all in context.

[Jennifer]

I have read Brain Over Binge and found the author's explanation of the reason for binging very informative. Unfortunately, I have not been successful in using her technique to prevent a binge, and at this point am trying to find my own way. I'm expecting lots of trial and error - the trial I don't mind so much, but the error....

[Leo41]

Jennifer- I think we ALL have to do it this way--i.e., trial and error. And I certainly have empathy because I have my share of errors!

I've gotten better and recognizing that 'lower brain' voice, but one problem I have is that sometimes, rather than stifle it, I'm in a WTH mood and just give it free rein--overeating soon follows

[Jennifer]

Got through the day, but really wanted to binge. Feel fine physically, but I can see the weight gain and nothing fits. Really hating myself right now. We have clients at work tomorrow & Wednesday which means dress-up, but my pants don't fit (not that my jeans fit either). Thank goodness for Spanx, but I am so depressed I can't stand it. I'm so tempted to not eat for a few days, but I know that defeats the purpose of trying to establish a normal relationship with food.

Monday:
b - Greek yogurt, coffee w/hwc & s/f Torani's
l - 2 chicken patties dipped in mayo & mustard
d - checken breast sauteed in olive oil topped with sour cream; salad w/bacon & SW Chipotle dressing
100+ oz water, can of Fresca, tall coffee from Starbucks w/hwc & s/f Torani's

I'm scared to leave the house & have to face the food out there. I don't want to go to NO this weekend.

[pcaltman]

Hi all,

sorry haven't posted. Been very sick. Today feeling a lot better. Been good with food though, so that's good. Your menu Jenn looks great This is hard, I so understand that. I get so frusterated with clothes as well, so I never go shopping. You would think when I got down to a good size and could wear anything and it looked good I would stay there. Ha, not. Life got inthe way, stress, death, depression. Pulling myself back up, but making it happen, just like you Jenn

Menu:
B - 1/2 cup coffee,hwc,splenda
L - cheeseburger, onion, mayo
D - asian pork, green beans
S - sun flower seeds, tea

[Jennifer]

Hope you're feeling better Pam. You're so right about how hard this is, but it is worth it, and we can do it!