Ellgee's Journey Back to Onederland

[ellgee]

Hi friends - Blonde you make me laugh! Oh and I'm FAAAAR from perfect.

Sigh. Getting geared up to start again and that's all I can really ask of myself. To keep starting again, right?

This month has been craptastic. This perimenopause is for the birds. I have gone from having no TOM last month to having TWO this month. Things are all wonky. My hormones are out of control.

At work we have changed our practice management software and that made last week UBER stressful. And I'm about at the end of my rope with DH working out of town. I do believe I've had enough, thank you very much. We are hoping and praying that he can get back home by the end of October. While that makes me very happy, it is causing me to stress eat like crazy! Or maybe it's the hormones. Or maybe I just don't give a flip.

I honestly said to a coworker the other day. Why do I keep trying? Why can't I just stay where I am and not worry about it anymore. Well the short answer is I never just SIT at a weight. I go UP UP UP! But I truly believe if I ever get back to under 200 again, I'll be set. I was very happy there (didn't truly know it though).

Okay enough whining and sob storying. I am pretty sure I am going to restart tomorrow but there's something bright and shiny in beginning on the first of the month. And just think if I wait til the first to start I'll have five MORE pounds to lose! YIPPEE!!!!

[MagieDen]

Perimenaupause stinks, I know because I am in it! Hang in there and take it one lb. and one day at a time and cut yourself some slack. Wanted to give you this.

[Blonde with a Rose]

Laura my friend~we understand so much! I hear your sigh...I've made that sigh. "Why can't we be happy where we are? Because we don't stay there". And that is the truth of it. If I could stay where I was I'd be under 200 right now and slipping into a size 16 and being grateful for it...instead of squeezing into a 16 and wishing I had my fat pants back that I donated last December. I am all over the place! JUDDD, no wait, low carb, so no wheat, okay no JUDDD and no wheat, Okay...but if I JUDDD I can have wheat...but I can't be good icantbegoodicantbegood I am so bad. SIGH. Pick myself up and start again and again and again........and yet again. If we ever were to reveal these things to a "head doctor" I'm sure there would be a name for it. I like to call it perseverance.

I'm with you girl. When you start again, when you're off again or whatever you are. We can do this. Anyone who says it's easy is a big fat liar (or probably a skinny little liar.) Hang on. Peri-menopause sucks but you will survive it, DH will come home, work will ease up. Kick butt when you're strong, be kinder to yourself when you're not so strong.

August is almost over, thank goodness.

[DesertGurl]

Hang in there girlfriend. I think we all have our *hard* going on.. the important thing is to just keep gettin back up when we fall and keep on truckin. You can do this! And Blonde is right, if anyone ever says this is easy is a liar! Some of us are able to get it done from the first time ever trying, some of us..uhhhhh not-so-much but we keep going and going and going.... Keep going and remember that by trying and trying, this time next year you'll definitely be smaller!

Perimenopause is the pitts I am in the beginning of it and OYE! Have you been to a doc to discuss options to help you not to be so miserable?? Anything? I'm figuring if maybe that gets some help maybe the losing weight part might not feel so traumatizing and hard?

Know that we're all here too. We are all so different but walking a very similiar path here.

[AsmallerME]

Me too. Ditto everything you feel. Everything.

[ellgee]

You guys are so good for me. It helps to the moon and back to have people to talk to who get it. I appreciate you all.

I'm constantly amazed by people who just start a diet, stick with it and lose all their weight. What's up with that?

Blonde - when I get down under 200 I donated ALL my fat clothes. I knew I'd never go back to where I was. HA! Wish I had those babies right now. I know everything will sort out. It's just being in the hot middle of it. I'll be glad to usher August out the door.

Danielle - I work for 4 OB/GYNs one of which is my doc. I am thinking of going in to talk to her. I was in denial that I was perimenopausal but the last few months have killed me. Wonky TOM. Crying at the drop of a hat. Being mean! (Well meaner than usual. I am a rather sarcastic, borderline meanie! LOL!)

Amber - enough said. I get it.

Off to make coffee.

[Blonde with a Rose]

Hey Ellgee! I'm making flax bread! I really hope It tastes good.
Happy Monday! Welcome to a new week....

[ellgee]

September 2 already! Wow! In some ways time is flying and in others, not so much. DH will be home by the end of the year. That's good news but I was hoping for end of October. The powers that better not try to pull the rug out from this plan or I'm going to be hopping mad. I shouldn't be too picky about it. DH has originally promised two years in this job but we didn't realize how hard the separation would be. So he's cutting it short by 9 months.

Restarted JUDDD yesterday and it was an UD so no issues there. My mind kept telling me that I didn't want to do this calorie thing but I ignored it. My weight has just blossomed! That's what not getting on a scale for two weeks will do. While I hate weighing daily, I do way to much damage if I don't keep tabs on what I'm doing.

DD today and I hope it is a smooth one.

How is everybody doing?

[nikkiluvslowcarb]

Hey girl, I weigh daily too. I know it's not for everyone but it works for me.

Hope you're having a good weekend!

[Blonde with a Rose]

Totally get it and I understand all too well. I had a lousy weekend and punished myself severely. I am too afraid to get on the scale......will the madness never end?

Blonde

[ellgee]

One week in the bag! And as usual, JUDDD has been kind to me. I've lost 9.6 pounds this week. Much of it is water because right before I restarted I was on the "eat whatever you want in massive amounts" plan. But I'll still take that lower weight.

Oh, the weather has cooled so beautifully this morning that I'm actually going to take the dog for a walk. I'm so ready for fall.

Planning another trip to Trader Joe's on Sunday. Excited!!! Love that place.

DD today and I'm going to have GOOD creamer in my coffee. I'm just totally over having coffee that doesn't quite taste good to me and I'm willing to have less calories later on. Hopefully this works for me!

Ok - off to get dressed to let Dudley pull me around the neighborhood.

[DesertGurl]

Hey mama! Hey, 9 pounds is 9 pounds woman. CLAIM IT!!!!! Ok, almost 10!!!!!!

I am SO ready for cooler weather. I am so living in the wrong place it's disgustingly funny We've had rain and wind and dust.. it looked like something out of that Mummy movie with Brendan Frasier.. Looks like more rain today and the humidity..OMG! I'm thankful for no sun today again, but it's definitely uncomfortable outside.

I think you need to feed yourself ONLY the things you love. That's just my .02 but I find personally that I stick with things when I'm using the things I love. That goes not just for food, but for makeup, shampoo, lotion, etc.. Feel good all over girly, and yeah you gotta account for the more calories, but in the long run, seriously, you being happy and satisfied is the most surefire way you'll be stickin with it 3 months from now.. Right?????

Have a great walk and a good trip to TJ! I don't ever go into mine here, it's always sooooo crowded.

[AsmallerME]

Wtg Laura! I'm super proud of you!

[Blonde with a Rose]

Originally Posted by DesertGurl

Hey mama! Hey, 9 pounds is 9 pounds woman. CLAIM IT!!!!! Ok, almost 10!!!!!!

I think you need to feed yourself ONLY the things you love. That's just my .02 but I find personally that I stick with things when I'm using the things I love. That goes not just for food, but for makeup, shampoo, lotion, etc.. Feel good all over girly, and yeah you gotta account for the more calories, but in the long run, seriously, you being happy and satisfied is the most surefire way you'll be stickin with it 3 months from now.. Right?????

Have a great walk and a good trip to TJ! I don't ever go into mine here, it's always sooooo crowded.

Wow Danielle, GREAT advice!

Laura my weekend was a little rocky but I'm gonna make today smooth sailing. I too am having coffee my way! Have a great week!

[ellgee]

Yes, Dani, super good advice! I've had my good creamer on last two low days and it makes me happy AND satisfied. Don't know why I fought it so long???

Thanks Amber!

Blonde - you have that coffee your way. Like Dani said, this has to be sustainable, right? And nasty coffee is not sustainable for me. I had Almond Joy creamer today and am anxiously awaiting the Pumpkin Spice! MMMMMMMM!

[nikkiluvslowcarb]

9.6 lbs thats awesome!!

[Blonde with a Rose]

Hey Buddy! How ya doin'? I'm on a one day winning streak, made it through my DD yesterday with flying colors although I gave myself the "speech" about eating tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. I think you're so right! Having yucky coffee is not an option, it starts the whole day off badly. I'm working the DD angle M-W-F because I can sustain that schedule. Weekends are so hard and the guilt is just too much. I'm so tired of beating myself up. It is a step in the right direction.

Hope you're doing well!

[Blonde with a Rose]

Benefits of Alternate Day Fasting/CRON

Laura have you seen this sticky? Fascinating scientific (and other) info regarding alternate day fasting. It's a must read thread and has helped me with my motivation.

[ellgee]

Thanks Nikki! I've now hit the wall and have weight just about the same for the last 4 days. I will NOT complain!

Well Blonde, I told you on your journal that I am so happy for you! And whatever you have to tell yourself to get through - so be it. And if M-W-F are sustainable then you DO it! Set the stage to be successful. I think you are taking a giant leap forward in being nice to yourself. I mean how far can we really get if all we say to ourselves is negative? We'd never do that to our friends or families if they were attempting weight loss.

And yes - I have read that sticky. Really, really helps keep me going. It's about so much more than weight, right?

[Blonde with a Rose]

I've been reading and watching videos re: alternate day fasting and I'm so pumped up. I had forgotten all the fabulous "side effects" of eating this way, not just weight loss. I watched the BBC video you posted to my page, wow! DD for me today, hope you're having a great one!

[ellgee]

Mine's going pretty well. I have about 180 calories for dinner and am thinking of doing a big salad. I'm just so tired. Couldn't fall asleep last night. So the plan is to have my dinner, take a benadryl and hit the hay early. We shall see how that plays out.

[Blonde with a Rose]

LOL!!! Benadryl is also my "go to" sleeping aid. How funny and what a coincidence! I also take a melatonin every night, that really helps me fall to sleep and benadryl helps me stay asleep. Since menopause, my sleep is rocky one night and okay the next, plus night sweats still (but not every night). If I don't get my sleep I'm one cranky bee-atch. I see tomorrow is an up day (answers my question on my journal). Have a fabulous day! I'm thinking I want a cheeseburger....maybe.

[Blonde with a Rose]

TGIF Laura! Looking forward to my third DD of the week, can you believe it? I hope you're doing well, too! You know I'm not weighing in, right? I'm excited and positive... but still a little too fragile to go toe to toe with my scale. You doing anything fun this weekend?

[ellgee]

Hey Blonde! Your excitement is contagious! I had a rough DD yesterday but made it through. I get the scale thing and I think part of my rough DD was that the scale was up 2 pounds due to TOM. Now I KNOW that's not true weight gain but seeing that number. UGH. I admire you being able to stay away from the scale. It is hard to do! I'm going to have to try some melatonin. All this perimenopausal crap makes me crazy!

Okay - two weeks in and after last night's tough DD, I'm happy to have made it!

Weight loss for last week - 1.2 pounds. Total weight loss is 10.8 pounds. I'm sure ready for my clothes to start getting looser!

UD today and DH is in town. Call me a happy camper. Now tomorrow is a DD and he is leaving. Not sure what I'll call myself tomorrow. But he will be back next weekend as we are headed to San Antonio to go to a Bridal Extravaganza with our daughter. And that should be interesting. She is not getting married until 6/2014 but by the time the next one comes, all the major decisions will have been made.

Off to have some coffee. We were talking about going to a wine festival but tickets just to get in were 8.00 and then the tastings was an additional 20.00. EACH. I told my husband I will just uncork one of the bottles I have in the pantry and it's FREE! So not sure what we are going to do. It's gray and patchy rain is expected. I'm happy just being home having my coffee. Simpleton that I am.

Hope everyone has a splendid day!

[Blonde with a Rose]

Laura the scale is definitely my "frenemy". I know it's important but it can stab me in the back as well. I recommend that you stay off the scale until at least two days into TOM. As for Sunday, stay as busy as you can, away from home if possible. Drink lots of water, soothe yourself with a really decadent hot tea like Bigelow Vanilla Chai. Add a dash of sweetener, sip and inhale. Zero calories. This has been my "after dinner, still need something but can't have anything else" drink. If things get really tough, make it a medium day and fill up on high volume veggies. Whatever you decide, you've got this!

I'm so excited for you, two weeks in is GREAT! 10.8lbs lost is fabulous, and you know if you work the program, this trend will continue downward. It has to do so. I know it can be really hard and I chant tomorrow-tommorrow-tomorrow every other day. if feels so great to be on a good path again.

Have a blast at the Bridal show, wow that sounds like fun! I don't know what kind of wedding you're planning but I found out the hard way, the one with the most money to invest calls all the shots. Bitter much? As mother of the bride, I'm still stinging.

[ellgee]

Well, it is interesting on the wedding front because I think the groom's dad has the most money. But his parents are divorced and his mom has zero money. So, the groom's dad has stated he wants to help out with wedding expenses and we are planning a budget wedding. I told my daughter we are NOT going into debt (more debt) to do this and she is pretty level headed. The venue/food is the biggest expense thus far. Decorations will be made by us. A friend of theirs is DJing and we think we have found a photographer. Luckily it is far enough out that we are paying for things as we go. I've paid for more than half her dress already so that's one expense almost done. I can see how these things get out of hand quickly, though.

That's sad that they got to call the shots. Kind of demeans your position as mother of the bride.

[Blonde with a Rose]

It's interesting to me that before the wedding we were invited to many "in-law" family gatherings and since the wedding we have been invited to zero nothing nada zip. I wish I could say I don't care at all but I do care a little and it's hard on DD27. I told her not to worry, I'm sure in 10 or 15 years it'll all be forgotten.

The oat bran was yummy and I do think it influenced how much I ate yesterday. While I did get hungry, I don't feel like I ate as much as usual...

Today is a medium/normal day since weekends are so hard but I'm looking forward to my M-T-W DD's coming up. I feel really positive.

[Blonde with a Rose]

Hey Ellgee, how's your week going? Been living on gluc pudding on my DD's!

[ellgee]

Hey Blonde - my week is going great so far.

Having a DD today and thinking of making a little gluc pudding. It hasn't been a horrible hungry DD either which I love!!! Some of them I barely hang onto!

Hope your week is going smashingly!

[nikkiluvslowcarb]

Hey girl, I'm popping in to see how you're doing. Hope you have a great day!