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daisyHair 02-27-2012 03:33 PM

From FLAB to FABULOUS~
 
Hi!

Well I need some type of new "start"... something to feel like I have officially re-committed (once again) so I will be journaling here again on a regular basis.

I am starting this journal for a couple of reasons. One because I really need encouragement and another because I have a strong desire to feel like I am a part of a community and LCF is a lifesaving place.

Sometimes I feel pretty alone in this struggle because I don't allow myself enough "me" time and hang out at LCF like I should!, I feel isolated for some reason, especially when I am "not doing so great"..

I am the poster child for “if at first you don’t succeed, try again”.. for me it’s always been “try again”. The last 10 years have driven me half batty. I get so angry when I think back to how confusing it has all been.

There is so much damned misinformation flying around and constantly trying one diet lifestyle after another my frustration became overwhelming. I felt like pulling all my hair out.

At last count I have read almost 60 diet and "healthy lifestyle" books. I was so incredibly confused, constantly. I would swing back and forth between vegan and veggie.. I did Raw for several months, and in between all of this veggie back and forth I've been on and off Atkins over and over with the same 30 pounds back and forth for the last two years.

I always felt torn between veggie and very low carb. They both made so much sense to me that I felt like I was losing my mind.

I realize now that I can add MUCH more veggies to my low carb eating style and I am slowly developing my own program... it feels like it's taken forever.

On very low carb with ketosis weight loss became easy but I had other issues. Extreme dehydration and electrolyte loss. Zero energy (still have a problem with that although it is getting better!) for exercise. (I recently had a breakthru when I learned about HIT from Mark Sisson (Primal Blueprint) and the fact that if you have been sedentary for YEARS like I have that you have to actually build up more little mitochondria (energy powerhouses of your cells!) before your energy level will get better. I just always heard about everyone and their amazing energy and most of the time I had none.. certainly none for any type of exercise!

Also very often after a while on Atkins and very low carb I would CRAVE anything juicy.. like lots of tomato and cucumber and FRUIT! I felt so dried out - it was a strange feeling. There was no other way to describe it but instinctively I knew low carb was the way to go, I just didn’t know what to take away from the diet and what to leave. I still am drawn to eating very low carb and having to work at "allowing" fruit and still not that much... certainly not every day!

Right now I feel like I am on the way to the “right way” but I have had so much failure in the past I wonder secretly in the back of my mind if it's false hope once again.

But as I do I have jumped in with both feet, big time. Patrick is doing it with me also - he is amazing as always and a huge support for me.

I have decided to stop being so extreme and doing VLC. I am allowing myself fruit while eating low carb and Primal / Paleo style (still having dairy though I am limiting it much more than I did on Atkins.

I live in the middle of a bunch of citrus groves and my very fav. fruit is ruby grapefruit. I have loved having it this season so much! It’s funny that just a piece of fruit could mean that much but I fight with food and my relationship to food constantly and fruit has always been "really good" or "really bad" for me. I am still confused about fructose.. it's good/no it's bad/no it's great.. WTH? It's almost laughable.

I have done well the last 10 days. I am trying to stay off the scale for at least a couple of weeks. I’ve given myself a wide range of an acceptable carb level for myself. Between 20 and 50 carbs a day. I am having no cravings.. but still not much energy. I am walking often and trying to walk fast for a minute (can't jog yet) here and there to try some HIT (sort of I guess!).

Anyway I am going to post much more often! :love: you LCF!

jeaniem 02-27-2012 03:42 PM

Hi Daisy
Glad to see you posting! It does get confusing and downright frustrating at times,but we keep trying because we want to be healthy while looking and feeling better too.:hugs:

daisyHair 02-27-2012 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeaniem (Post 15450126)
Hi Daisy
Glad to see you posting! It does get confusing and downright frustrating at times,but we keep trying because we want to be healthy while looking and feeling better too.:hugs:

Isn't THAT the truth darlin'!

Nice to see you. I am committing to be here more often.

What's for dinner?
I am doing Peel em & Eat em shrimp with a nice salad.
I wish I was not so addicted to Ranch dressing! I have been trying to eat less chemical "soup" stuff but can't seem to kick the soy based junk dressings yet!

Have a great night.

daisyHair 02-28-2012 05:19 AM

Good Morning!
How do you take your coffee?
I have settled on a combo of HWC and Half/Half. I just was finding straight HWC too "heavy" feeling.

I think I have a problem with really high fat.

Last night's dinner was great.
Our Peel em & Eat em shrimp was perfect. I used some SF cocktail sauce from Netrition but added extra horseradish and lemon juice to it. LOVE it hot and spicy!

I made a nice salad and added some Dulse flakes (for iodine) and a sprinkle of black sesame (very high source of calcium). I am still using my chemical soup filled spicy ranch dressing though... small changes at a time, right?

I got on the scale this AM (was NOT going to for a week or so but I have such a hard time staying off the damn thing!) and I was down exactly the same weight. I AM in the middle of my period so I am sure a pound or so is water but I wish I had not got on it.

I don't know how people stay off of them..

Tonight I think I will take some salmon out of the freezer and maybe to coconut oil roasted green beans (I cook them forever, until they are shriveled, brown and ugly and totally yummy, crunchy.! I add lots of salt, they are incredible this way, seriously better than any french fry you ever had. Patrick loves them and asks me to make them often).

I was surprised to find that the bag of frozen salmon (the individually packaged ones) said wild caught on the bag. Very happy.

Hope everyone has a brilliant Tuesday. XOXO.... Cary~

daisyHair 02-29-2012 06:58 AM

1 Attachment(s)
Good Morning!

It's so beautiful out this AM.. I just got a HUGE rose off my Abraham Darby (the only one on it just yet).. I've attached a pix of what they look like...

I am new to growing roses.. only on my second year. I just ordered three more plants. I am excited. I think I am also crazy. I don't know that growing roses in FL is the best gardening thing for a beginner.

So I did good yesterday food wise.. I did have a bit of an issue last night. I had a sweet craving (PMS) and I made some whipped cream with splenda and berries. I had 10 huge strawberries and about 30 blueberries (yes I count everything out).. I had a cup of whipped heavy cream. Loved it. was so full I didn't need dinner. had like 2000 cal and 30 carbs yesterday...

Still not getting on the scale for a few days.

I am keeping track of my calories and carbs again... I think what I will do is just post a weekly food post maybe? It's allot of work..

I used to use ****** but have gotten away from it... I've just been using the USDA website and handwriting it all in my personal journal at home.

I keep a notebook on my kitchen table. for a couple of reasons. One.. I like to see my previous meals because it helps me when I am meal planning and Two.. It is right there in the kitchen so I have no problems keeping it written down.. I have my food scale and measuring stuff right there with it.

I am not sure how long I will do the counting thing... I like to do it every now and then just to see where I am really at. I also do it when I tend to stall.. which I don't think I really am.

Right now I just find it's helping me keep my focus.

I was going to Yoga today but I have serious cramps so I decided not to go.

How are you doing?

daisyHair 02-29-2012 11:44 AM

It's almost 3pm..
I've not had much hunger at all.. which I guess is good since I ate all that whipped cream last night!

I've just noshed a bit on roast beef.. about 4 oz total over the last couple of hours.

Plus about 150 cal worth of HWC in my coffee this AM.

I feel like I am getting sinus congestion and headache. Ugg..
Tired too.

Dinner tonight will be Salmon with Wasabi Aoil (wasabi powder, mayo and fresh lemon juice).. and green bean fries.

jeaniem 02-29-2012 06:05 PM

Glad to see you doing well Daisy! Hope you're headache eases up. I have been back on track for 10 days and am just now starting to feel better.

daisyHair 03-01-2012 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeaniem (Post 15456321)
Glad to see you doing well Daisy! Hope you're headache eases up. I have been back on track for 10 days and am just now starting to feel better.

10 days is so good.. I finally started to feel better around then.
What's for dinner?

I am making Chicken Parm. again..
I have some pepperoni I am adding this time.

I think I will pound out the chicken.. dredge it in parm and spices and roast it.. then put a few pieces of pepperoni on top, add a little moz cheese, then some spaghetti sauce then a sprinkle of parm back on top again and roast it a little more.. this is my very fav. meal right now..

I am running low on veggies.. was able to scrounge like a quarter bag of frozen broccoli and a handful of chopped onion and red bell.. (got to get to the store soon!)..

So I guess that's my veggie side!

Yum! I am really looking forward to dinner.

daisyHair 03-01-2012 02:35 PM

I am going to have to talk myself out of opening a bottle of red wine with dinner.. Normally I would not worry about a glass of wine but I feel like I could drink half the bottle so I have to show some strength tonight! NO RED WINE!

daisyHair 03-02-2012 07:07 AM

Uggg.

Last night was bad... I didn't eat off plan really but I could not stop eating all night.
I tried doing IF and made it a long time (for me).. until after 4pm.
I ate a bit and was ok and then didn't eat again until 8pm... then I could not stop.
I ate handful after handful of almonds after dinner. AND whipped cream with cocoa and splenda.

I am pretty sure it was the fasting even that long into the day that did it.
My body (or is it my mind?) does not like feeling deprived... too many years of starving and binging I guess.

I was not in ketosis this AM.. as far as the stix was concerned but I am sure I am not far off.. my carbs were still around 40ish which is not that bad all in all.

Just bummed.
I have to stop trying to constantly tweak my freaking plan.

TGIF!

jeaniem 03-02-2012 07:26 AM

Keep trying to find out what works for you Daisy:hugs:
I started eating breakfast, lunch and dinner and am finding that my evening appetite is under control now. I used to never eat breakfast as it always wakes up my appetite for the day, but am finding that in the end I have better hunger control in the evening. I can not eat nuts:cry: it awakens the binge monster every time!

daisyHair 03-09-2012 06:22 AM

I am doing well.

Going away to visit a sister of mine this weekend. I usually have "eating" issues when I visit her but I have decided failure is not an option and I have a plan in place and can already see myself coming home Sunday night and having stayed on track.. so I know I can do this.

I am officially at my 30 pounds lost!
and well into my 10% which makes me proud.

I am feeling in my groove and very strong mentally.

Looking forward to the weekend!
Hope yours is beautiful!

daisyHair 03-21-2012 02:24 PM

Checking in!

Happy Humpday friends.

So I had some thoughts today I wanted to get down and I wanted to also check in and post how I am doing.

So.... I’ve been on so many diets.. what woman hasn't?

Usually they start with this feeling of excitement and motivation.

This time was different, this time I sort of started with a whimper. I didn't have that excitement when I started back on LC this time. I sort of just felt resigned to the fact that I was at it again.

I didn't feel a thrill.. no huge motivation.. it was sort of "well lets just get on with this".

I have waiting for several weeks for that “satisfied with myself” feeling.. A time when I could feel like I had hope really. Maybe even feel a bit of accomplishment or self satisfaction.. like I can really be proud finally of myself. and I had it today.

I realized I am doing this.. yes there was no big hoorah when I started but I am doing it and I am doing it well. I am committed.. I am determined and I have been fairly disciplined. I have been back on LC for 7 weeks… that’s very good… I have only had two meals (not days! Just meals!) off this entire time.

I have not gone hungry.. and I am down 7 pounds. 7 pounds in as many weeks.

The weight is coming off slowly.. Really that is not bad. I can’t b*tch about that.. at this rate in one year I would shed 52 pounds.. that’s huge and really I am learning to make it a lifestyle this way. No sudden huge changes.. just keeping it simple and eating good real food when I am hungry.

I was reading Shape magazine his AM and they do a continual story about one woman that they follow thru the year and write about her weight loss and lifestyle changes. She has lost 7 pounds in almost 3 months and that makes me realize I am not doing that bad at all.

Anyway I am proud and I am owning it. I am feeling very happy with myself today.

daisyHair 03-22-2012 08:25 AM

About Last Night...
 
Well I got in dangerous territory last night... for the first time in
almost a month I wanted to go off low Carb. We had been having a carb up meal every two weeks. One meal. Last time we went off I really was disappointed in the meal. We ordered Italian from a new local place and it sucked.

I was so disappointed and got really frustrated and decided this time I wanted to go one month and then take a Saturday and go to our fav. Greek place for lunch and then my fav. Italian place for dinner. It's a really great place and always packed and here in Orlando you have to make reservations at least 2 weeks in advance.

My fav food is Italian and although I know its not great for a Low Carb lifestyle for me I have no intention of never having it again. I have to have an occasional splurge meal to look forward too... I have found it an important part of my plan for now.

Anyway last night I got very weak. I know it is the pecans I ate that gave me cravings. I am having a hard time staying away from nuts. I had Patrick
hide them but I hunted them down and ate four ounces! Like 700 calories
and 7 carbs.

My issue right now is that I don't have a good late day
snack lined up anymore. I was eating jerky or bacon but I am out of both. We are down to one car for the next couple of weeks (Patrick's is out of commission and being worked on. So I can't go to the store until the weekend.

I basically had nothing cooked up either so no leftovers to munch on late
day...which is the time of day that I need to have planned snack ideas. I really sort of sail on thru the day and have not much hunger at all until after 3pm.

Anyway I got hungry, got weak...hunted up the nuts...ate way too many pecans, still low Carb but they set me off.

Next thing I know I am calling Patrick asking if he wanted to pick up Chinese for dinner… its funny because I DO like Chinese but not a single place around here is good IMO, not one.. HE though LOVES Chinese.. no matter rather the quality is blah or not, he just loves it all. … I felt desperate and just wanted food and lots of it and FAST!

I am lucky in that he thought it strange that I would ask for Chinese (I think he realized that HE is the one that likes Chinese places around here, not me.. and that if I asked for Chinese I was sort of almost tricking him into giving in.. I am mentally screwed up like that sometimes... which is an entirely different post).

He talked me out of it.. and luckily soon afterward the cravings were gone (thank GOD!) and I was able to salvage the day..

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y22...ixYourSelf.gif

I didn’t even need dinner once the cravings where gone and I realized I was not truly hungry at all and came in at 1850 calories and 30 carbs for the day.. really still quite ok for me because I am still pretty heavy and can still eat more calories and lose weight as long as I am still LC..

I quickly logged into ******, logged my food for the day and saw I was ok and felt better about myself.. instantly.!! This is a PERFECT example of why tracking can save your arse.

Soooooo I need to start planning out my days better for a while. Eat more fat (totally squashes cravings! - I can eat 3-4 pieces of bacon.. under 200 calories and be full for over 3 hours - ketosis is like some kind of freaking miracle to me) and have several food ideas for late day, easy to make or already ready to go. Today I will make some deviled eggs for my afternoon snack and also cook some bacon to have on the side.

Dinner tonight is country style beef ribs with SF BBQ sauce from Netrition and a nice salad with spicy chipotle dressing.

I am having a really hard time finding dressings anymore that I like.. I can REALLY taste the soy oil in them now for some reason.. it tastes horrid to me. I am going to have to start making my own dressings..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh and the two pounds I was up yesterday… are gone. I drank LOTS of water and herb tea and flushed the water weight..

I have been meaning to post about my fav. herb tea! TAZO Passion!..(get the loose leaf kind in the silk tea pouches.. it's better than the orig. tea bag type) OMG I LOVE this stuff! I discovered it originally at Starbucks:

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y22...rtin/1tazo.jpg

and started ordering it on line. It has really helped me cut the Diet Coke! It's not cheap but then I am so totally worth it! So are you.

XOXO lovelies!

daisyHair 03-24-2012 11:53 AM

My Back is Screaming at Me...

Yesterday, My best friend and I drove out to take the ferry over to Caladesi Island... It's off the coast of Tampa.

I walked for 4 and a half hours (constantly.. only sitting down once for about 10 min.) on the beach, also stooping over to pick up shells yesterday and I am paying for it today but wow.. it was a beautiful day on Caladesi Island!

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y22...eyourself9.jpg

We drove out (my bestie and me) with the top down on my Miata. It was so freeing. I felt very good. It reminded me how much is great about my life. Sometimes I forget *grin*.

I took some London Port roast beef, some really nice goat cheese and she took a huge container of fresh strawberries.. It was a great little picnic and the rest of the time we walked... and walked.. and picked up shells and walked some more... and we also got raw oysters at a place on the way home.. and while there I had a cocktail... a seltzer with a shot of Absolute Citron and a piece of lime.. I asked for extra lime and squeezed it in.. I love this cocktail and think they are perfect for low carb. very refreshing.. I managed to keep it at one which I would not have been able to do in the past but I have pretty much stopped drinking except rarely or a half glass of red wine with dinner a couple of times a month. It was a perfect day.

Late last night Patrick and I had Wendy's for dinner.. I had a double cheese everything but ketchup or bun. Quick and pretty good.

My back pain gets me down sometimes, I get so tired of dealing with the back ache issues... I just want to feel like a normal person. I know I have done this to myself... I know it's because I have a belly that puts too much counter weight on my back (it really helps when I wear a panty girdle but I HATE those things.. but I am wearing one for a couple of days, slamming down advil and begging for back rubs from DH.

The future will be better. I know as the weight comes off my back will get better...

I was very encouraged yesterday after walking I was exhausted last night but it was a good feeling.. I am going to get back to my walking...:cool:

leeloo 03-25-2012 08:57 AM

Back issues are the worst! I had some trouble last summer/fall, and it seems like it took forever to get any better. I wouldn't say it's exactly cured, even now, but maybe when I get the weight off, right?

But hey, try not to get down on yourself about it - all sizes and shapes of people have back problems, it's not a character flaw :laugh:.

Rock on with your bad self, and have a great day!

daisyHair 03-26-2012 09:32 AM

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y22.../1starfish.jpg

Official Monday AM Weigh In:

This AM I weighed 225!!!!

OMG.. I lost 1.2 pounds overnight. I am so happy. I even had 2200 calories and 30 carbs yesterday so that means I was for sure retaining water. I am also in the middle of my TOM so I wonder if maybe there will be another pound gone soon!?

I just feel so good.. I am so excited. I canít wait to see 199. Patrick promised to take us to Miami to the Fontainebleau Hotel Welcome to Fontainebleau when I get under 200! Weeeeee~ (this was actually my idea as a gift to myself.. not that he is pushing me to lose weight or anything.)

I walked 1.5 today already. It was such a pretty day and not too hot yet. feeling good!

leeloo 03-26-2012 10:49 AM

Woo hoo! It sure is great to see those numbers go down.

And Miami sounds awesome! I've never been to that part of FL before.

daisyHair 03-26-2012 11:51 PM

It's 2:30AM and I am up.
Patrick had to go into work.. some server issue. I can't sleep when he is not here. I get all freaked out and hear strange noises.. it's sort of lame I know but there it is.

I am reading journals here. So many great journals. I really like Amber's (bejewelme) blog: http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/we...y-life-22.html

Of course my weight loss is on my mind.
I have tried for years to get even below 200. It will be a HUGE deal to me when I get there. I see ladies here that are so close to 200 in their numbers and I feel so excited to them and wonder how they feel. I wonder what they will do/feel when they get that "1" in front of their weight. I know I will cry.. I will bawl. Seriously.

I am getting a massage this Friday.. I was going to wait for 221# but I am not. I have been working very hard for two months. I can't help it if I lose slow. I deserve a reward and I am getting a good massage. I found a chiropractic office a couple of blocks from here that has a massage therapist on staff that only charges $60 an hour. I can't wait.

We are on a serious spending budget so I don't do things like this often and tend to talk myself out of any appointments I make and cancel them before I do them.

I think maybe deep down inside I feel I don't deserve being pampered. I have got to get over that mental cr@p.

Dinner tonight was nice. I had a large piece of pot roast left over from last night and I used a bag of frozen bell pepper/onion mix from Publix. It had red, green and orange bell peppers and onions.. that was it. No sauce.. no junk.

I just threw it in a pan and added an ounce of butter.. YUM!. I used just salt and pepper and garlic as spice.. I stir fried the veggies and then added the leftover roast beef I had chopped up.

It was so quick and easy and really good. I have to remember this.

I have found I can still stay in ketosis even at 40 carbs a day.. today I had 1600 calories and 42 carbs and just tested and I am still in ketosis. It really helps my menu to be able to have more veggies.. to not be freaked out about eating tomato or onion or red bell pepper.. or brussel sprouts.

I will maybe later on down the line go back down to under 20 grams to shake things up for a while. I like to do that occasionally... I am also going to work up to more I.F. days.. I think I have decided that it depends on what time of the month (for my cycle) that I try to do it. My appetite is too large the week before and during my period.. I am going to aim for once a week for the next two weeks and see how I do.

Later!

daisyHair 03-27-2012 10:52 AM

OMG!!!!!

This AM I weighed 224!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y22...edsmiley-1.gif
That’s 1.2 pounds overnight.. so 2.4 pounds in two days! Thank you scale Goddess!~

I am halfway thru my TOM so water weight is coming off.. plus I drank LOTS of tea and water yesterday.. I will do the same today.

Wow.. I am going to fall out when I get to 199... seriously. Really, actually I am going to totally freak even when I get in the teens! It's been a very long time since I have been in the 200 teens.

I was thinking I would start posting my food but really I have a pretty boring diet. Just meat, cheese, nuts, eggs and veggies. Period. Well an occasional bar for convenience.. like when I leave early for a Yoga class or such. But my menu is really pretty plain.

Maybe just my calories/carbs for a while?

Yesterday I had 1650 calories and 42 carbs (I can eat up to 45 or so carbs and stay in ketosis.. I think more people really can once their body gets used to using ketones for energy.).

The day before I had 2200 calories and 35 carbs.. and I lost 1.2 pounds both days so I am doing pretty good! It really makes a difference, when you have water weight, if you DRINK UP!. The more water or tea you drink (no sodas!) the more you lose.. I save one diet soda a day... for after dinner. I used to drink like 12 a day.

I have taken a 1.5 mile walk both days. I have Yoga tomorrow.

Yeah! OMG. I am excited. I am proud. I am more motivated every day.

daisyHair 03-29-2012 02:31 PM

Well yesterday we had ribeye's and Ceasar salad and steamed veggies that Patrick picked up from a local steak place for dinner.. I was too tired to cook!

I was up a pound this AM but I know it's only water because I count my calories and I only had 2200 and 32 carbs yesterday.. I am pretty sure I can eat around 2600 calories and up to 45 carbs a day and maintain... (one of the reasons I LOVE tracking calories AND carbs) and stay in ketosis.. not gonna worry about it.. I know it's not fat weight.

Today I had almost no hunger until around 3pm.. so I didn't have any food until then. I had a tuna pouch (I love the lemon pepper one!) and a moz stick..

about two hours later I had another moz stick and two soft boiled eggs with butter (YUM.. one of my fav. foods right now)..

Dinner is going to be feta/spinach crustless quiche and smoked ham on the side.

I have been very thirsty today. LOTS of water and tea. I can't seem to get enough (ya.. I have been tested for diabetes three times in the last three years, thank goodness I am fine)...

My energy is finally coming around a bit.. I still don't feel like I have great energy for much REAL exercise but that's ok... I know it will come.

This week has been such a good week! I feel GREAT!

misslatte 03-29-2012 03:00 PM

HI!

I'm all caught up on your journal. I completely understand how you feel when you mention feeling alone in this struggle and feeling isolated. I could have said the same words!

Sounds like Patrick is a good catch, his ability to put a stop to the Chinese food was impressive!

I'm a fan of the Tazo Passion tea too!! Super tasty! I used to make a whole gallon of it and keep it in the fridge. Yum!

Fontainebleau looks lovely!! I really hope you get to go there soon! :)
Quote:

Originally Posted by daisyHair
I think maybe deep down inside I feel I don't deserve being pampered. I have got to get over that mental cr@p.

This has been a struggle for me - I'm FINALLY realizing that I AM worth taking care of and it's okay to take care of ME. :hugs:

I think it's useful to see percentages along with calorie and carb numbers - it's helped me tweak some numbers in the past when I find trends and such.

I hope you have a wonderful day and keep up the great work!

daisyHair 04-01-2012 09:32 AM

I have had two bad days.. The last two days. Today I am back on track but I didn’t post here when I should have... you know asking for support... so I decided to go pull my posts out of my personal journal I keep in my computer and put them here.

I never want anyone who finds this journal in the future.. when I am at goal (because h*ll yes I will get to goal sooner or later!!!!) to think that it was a breeze for me. Because it’s not.. it’s very, very far from a breeze.. so here are my personal journal posts from day before yesterday and yesterday:.

“Well yesterday was a pig out day… (Friday, March 30th)

Just like last time a month ago exactly.. it started late day.. I just talked myself into it.. I am not sure if it was from true craving but one thing similar to last time is that it was late in the week and I didn't have much for late day snacking in the house and this is very dangerous for me.. I HAVE to have planned late day snacks. I hunted down the nuts and just started on lots.. like 95 pistachios (I actually counted them because I really did want to track everything.. even if I was feeling freaking weak)... then I started in on green blacks 70% chocolate, we have a small stash that we keep for occasional nighttime treats.. I wrote that 4 carbs down as well..

It all fell apart after the strong taste of the dark chocolate.. I went to the fridge and started drinking the half and half, I didn’t track from then on out.. I probably drank about a third cup.. but THEN I got in the freezer and started in on these organic raw raisins I had stashed in the back (why did I keep them? Probably because they were very expensive) from when I was doing Raw Vegan.

I decided to just STOP then (I wish) and started making dinner… salmon with CO roasted whole green beans.. one of my FAV. dinners right now…

I totally pigged out on the green beans and then asked Patrick to let us have a dessert.. I just gave up then. He was suprisingly easy to talk into it.. I told him I wanted Ben and Jerrys and he went off to Publix and picked up two pints.. I had this new Boston cream Pie kind that was excellent. I won’t lie.. I enjoyed everything I crammed in my mouth that day.

I was not going to weigh for a week because I didn’t want to see the scale go up but then decided I should own it. I did great for one month and I am not perfect and that is OK and I am getting right back on today so I got on the scale.… I weighed 225. I gained two pounds… I am glad it was not more but I started to wonder just what the h*ll is wrong with me.. why do I always sabotage myself?

I had seen 223 on the scale this morning.. It is the lowest I have been in months.. since last Summer when I was doing Raw.. Why did I do it? What is wrong with me? I so clearly sabotaged myself.

Now I am struggling with wanting to fast.. this is what I do.. punish myself for being human. I had an entire month on track.. I did great for an entire freaking month.

So thinking about the why.. that’s the hard part. Analyzing.. I think it was a few things.. one..being a month since anything “bad”.. I still crave junk food.. mostly sweets… from time to time. I really want to think that’s alright.. I know the key is getting right back on track.. which I am but I want to believe that I am ok with being freaking human. I always punish myself.. It is hard today. I really want to just not eat.

Secondly I think it was like I mentioned It was late day and I had no snacks at all except nuts.. well I could had made boiled eggs and butter but I just didin’t want that.. I NEED more late day things in the house.. at all times.. even process junk like jerkey, slim jims, .. I would have loved some good Boar’s Head London port.. I really scrounged around the house for something sweet to eat and there was nothing except the raisins left in the freezer from my raw days.. I am throwning out the rest of them today.. I think I must have already thrown out the good Raw honey I had.. thankfully..

I think if I had not had the raisins I would have just counted the pistachios and green and blacks.. actually I had already written it down and talked myself back down and was going to just count it but I was REALLY wanting sweet..

I used to have a diet coke and HWC when cravings would strike.. I have really been cutting back on diet coke but maybe I am pushing myself too hard.. I do think it would have worked.

I think I am adding diet coke and HWC back to the grocerylist…

SO my plan.. make sure I have quick afternoon snacks always and get some damned stuff that won’t go bad even.. like the jerky and slim jims.. ya.. the processed stuff sucks but so does SUGAR.. and IMO.. sugar is far worse.

Lastly I was depressed because have been having issues with my back and this morning when I went for my massage (my first reward for my weight loss!) Instead of it helping it was really hurting after my massage.. I made a chiro apt. for Monday.. I am wondering about actually going.. I think I will try.

My back is ok right now.. a bit stiff but not in bad pain. I laid on ice yesterday twice. I think I was depressed a bit from my back issues.. even yoga seems to not help.. maybe even making it worse.. so I am going to lay off yoga for a while and just walk.. and maybe do chiro? Will see. I was told by the chiro that I have to get a bolster to help me sleep on my back.. they think hips could be out of alignment because I sleep so funky. They said my Sacroilliac joint (sp?) was inflamed.

Ok.. so seriously.. no regrets and MOVE ON! So on ward and down ward! And go to the freaking grocery store! (I ultimately put this off because I HATE Walmart. I would rather pull all my hair out than shop there but since we live so close to Disney it’s the most affordable place… #$%!#!

Sunday, April 01, 2012
Not weighing for at least 4 days… just not gonna do it.. I am in a shaky place and I don’t need to see the scale right now.. I need to focus on getting back on track mentally… the last two days have been hard. Day before yesterday I pigged out totally. Pistachios, raisins, drinking half and half from the freaking container… then the carton of ben and jerrys.. I went back on yesterday really but still pigged out on LC foods and more pistachios and some pecans.. the nuts have to go.. period. PERIOD.

I am just bored with my food.. I am also bored with the constant being on point all the damn time.. I KNOW I need to do this so I will find a way to make this work. Yesterday I would say was an almost OK day except like I wrote… all the pistachios are not really that LC friendly.. I will call it a primal day.. I also pigged out on butter.. like prob. 250 calories worth. Struggling with it…it’s very hard sometimes for me. constant work. constant planning, constant shopping, constant cooking… blah, blah.. It was maybe easier eating junk.. process junk I would throw in the micro… but of course there is no going back to that.

Anyway today I am back on … struggling with wanting to fast like always.. associating a pig out day with failure and wanting to force my body to release the calories.. etc… not gonna do it.. just back on track. That’s. is all.”

So there is my personal journal the last two days. I am posting here too so maybe I can get some help. I don’t have many people follow my online blog so I am reaching out to my low carb friends.

Cary~

daisyHair 04-01-2012 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misslatte (Post 15538836)
HI!

I'm all caught up on your journal. I completely understand how you feel when you mention feeling alone in this struggle and feeling isolated. I could have said the same words!

Sounds like Patrick is a good catch, his ability to put a stop to the Chinese food was impressive!

I'm a fan of the Tazo Passion tea too!! Super tasty! I used to make a whole gallon of it and keep it in the fridge. Yum!

Fontainebleau looks lovely!! I really hope you get to go there soon! :)
This has been a struggle for me - I'm FINALLY realizing that I AM worth taking care of and it's okay to take care of ME. :hugs:

I think it's useful to see percentages along with calorie and carb numbers - it's helped me tweak some numbers in the past when I find trends and such.

I hope you have a wonderful day and keep up the great work!

Hi dear!
Thanks so much for the post.. thank you for reading my journal.. I will head over to yours. Sounds like we have bunches in common. How are you today?

leeloo 04-01-2012 09:39 AM

:console: We all fall down. If it was so easy, nobody would have weight problems!

Good for you for writing down such a fearless self-analysis of your (tiny, little) LC hiccup.

Are you PMS-ing? That's the most treacherous time for me.

It's good you have gotten right back on track - the small increase in weight is probably just water retained by your body to process the carbs.

Chin up! :hugs:

jeaniem 04-01-2012 12:30 PM

I think you have it all figured out Daisy. You are human and had a couple of bad days and now are back on track. You can and will still make your goal without always being perfect.
Now get to the store and buy that Diet coke and HWC.:hugs:

Speck333 04-01-2012 07:55 PM

Cary, I'm a self-saboteur as well. I am doing JUDDD, and the last two down days have been fails. I know it is because I saw 146 for the first time in months this week. Instead of inspiring me to keep going, the new lows sometimes freak me out. I can't really explain it either. I don't know what I'm afraid of.

misslatte 04-01-2012 08:09 PM

:hugs:

Sounds like it was a couple rough days. I am very happy that you were aware of what was going on and came here to tell us all and keep yourself accountable. Sometimes that is the hardest part - acknowledging what is going on and taking the steps you need to move on and get back on track.

I think we all know what this 'thing' feels like. We get a craving that just WON'T go away. We constantly think about it, try to distract ourselves from it but in the end sometimes it seems that there is just nothing that we can do. When I get TOM symptoms this starts to happen with me but luckily I've rid my house of trigger foods that can cause a downward spiral like has happened a few times before - all nuts. One almond turns into a cup which turns into a whole bag of mixed nuts that was supposed to last me a month. Yep. I've been there, I know how it feels to think "I should stop" but then I know how the even more powerful "okay just a few more" feeling is.

You're aware of what happened and are starting to work on a plan to set things straight again. I think it's a good idea to nix those raisins - anything sweet will definitely be bad news for me if I have a craving that will NOT go away.

You're back and that's what matters. Here we go on a new day - let's make it a great one!

:hugs:

MagieDen 04-03-2012 10:16 AM

Reading through your journal and Blog. I just wanted to say that HWC and Diet Root Beer are great when that sweet craving arises. It tastes like a Root Beer Float! :yummy:

You are doing great, thank you for posting your journey it really helps so many.

:)

leeloo 04-09-2012 08:54 AM

Hey lady, where you been? I haven't seen any posts from you lately. :sad:

How's it going?


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