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Old 05-17-2012, 06:54 AM   #841
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Old 05-17-2012, 08:28 AM   #842
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Good job on not taking the fukitol pills.

Are you posting pics of these wonderful meals ma lady?
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Old 05-17-2012, 08:52 AM   #843
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ohh a purple dress sounds pretty!!!
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Old 05-17-2012, 09:10 AM   #844
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Oooo can we see the dress???
Glad you are with us and didn't take the pills!
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Old 05-17-2012, 09:47 AM   #845
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glamazon View Post
Today my goal is to eat three clean lc meals and one snack. That's setting the bar pretty low, but whatever. My other goal is to come back later tonight. XOXOX
Baby steps, dear one. That's how we get there.
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Old 05-17-2012, 02:52 PM   #846
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Purty dress coming up!

Yay on no pills!

Setting bar low is a great way to ease into it!
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Old 05-17-2012, 03:31 PM   #847
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I love low bars Glammy! Makes a fall off the bar stool much easier to take - softer landing! I oughta know...I've had my fair share of falls on low bars! :MUAH:

Wow dupioni silk and weddin' dresses. Sounds divine! Glad you're doing well. There isn't a doubt in my mind that you will persever and win victorious!!! Go girl. Go!!!!
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Old 05-18-2012, 07:00 AM   #848
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Morning Ang!!! I want to see the dress too!!
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Old 05-18-2012, 07:01 AM   #849
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Ang, what's up?
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Old 05-20-2012, 08:53 AM   #850
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Old 05-21-2012, 01:08 PM   #851
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Ang. Hope you had a great weekend on plan
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:45 AM   #852
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Oh Angela???????????????????????? Get your sparkle butt back here along with Martini!!!
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Old 05-22-2012, 07:57 AM   #853
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Ang, we miss you!
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:55 AM   #854
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Well, shoot. Miss you guys, too! My birthday is coming, and I'm trying to gather it up and make a plan. A good one. A simple one. I like plans! I don't like the free floaty willy nilly approach I've been taking the last 5 months. It gets me nowhere but Drepressionville. I'll figure it out, and I know you have my back!!

XOXOXO have a good day, everyone! I'm off to the land of digitizing software and creating 18th century embroideries, cheater style!! If I keep busy I can keep my hands off unnecesary foodstuffs.
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Old 05-22-2012, 01:20 PM   #855
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I think you need a special Birthday!!!
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Old 05-22-2012, 04:46 PM   #856
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Yay what a great report hon!!!! Wish you had multi-head machines!!!

Keep on truckin'!!!
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Old 05-23-2012, 04:54 AM   #857
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Happy Almost Birthday!
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Old 05-23-2012, 07:08 AM   #858
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Yay Ang!
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Old 05-23-2012, 11:01 AM   #859
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Hey sweetie! Glad to see you poke your busy head in for a sec.
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Old 05-24-2012, 01:02 PM   #860
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Hi! I'm back. For realsies. Are you ready for a big long "I'm tired of hating myself" post? Brace yourselves!
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Old 05-24-2012, 01:05 PM   #861
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Old 05-24-2012, 01:06 PM   #862
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WELL. Here I am again. Brace yourself for some long winded introspective blabedeblah.

I really need to figure this out. I really need to be a better person. Yes, being a better person is totally tied to my diet and losing weight. Being fat effects everything I do and essentially who I am. It’s not about looks, my vanity dried up years ago; it’s about attitude and productivity. Eating the wrong foods not only makes me fat, it also makes me depressed and lazy… and that really does a number on my entire being—family, friends, work, creativity, happiness, activity—and it creates a monster circular Ferris wheel of crap I can’t seem to manage. Round and round I go, sometimes I’m awesome, sometimes I’m stupid, and yet always circling back to the start too soon. It’s a massive failure. A total breakdown. The weight of starting over and the realization of failure AGAIN is so depressing, crushing, it makes me not even want to try. But then, I remember my dreams: visiting the world, making costumes people are clamoring for, really loving my life before it expires. Being fat destroys all of that, because the wrong foods that I’m shoving down my pie hole turn me into someone I hate. They make me fat and lazy and not care. They make me numb and self-loathing. When I am on my game, eating the right way, doing the right things, I feel amazing. I love who I am and what I’m doing. You’d think that would be enough to spur me into action and get this show on the road immediately… but it doesn’t. When I’m rock bottom, I just want to curl up and cry about my secret eating. Doughnut in a back alley, anyone? Crawling out of the well is so hard. I eat bad because I’m lazy and depressed. I’m lazy and depressed because I eat bad. It doesn’t seem to matter that I have an amazing support crew here online and especially here at home. It all boils down to ME. I have to quit disappointing myself and stay on top of the good food eating at all times. I tried daily reminders, I tried so many little tricks to keep me on track. The Ferris Wheel of Crap always landed me right back where I started. You guys have known me long enough to have heard this all before—the lamentations of a depressed loser who has no business being a depressed loser.

My birthday will be here on Friday. I will be 43 years old. Mortality is blowing up in my face, and I am horrified that I am wasting the best years of my life. The past month or so I have been in and out of hospitals and nursing homes, and I am so grateful that I have not yet tipped my life onto the fast track of being in need of hospitals and nursing homes. I can’t live that miserable lifestyle. So much misery and loneliness. I can’t allow my golden years to be stolen from me… and yet I can’t stop eating bread? Sugar? The stuff that makes me fat and depressed and sick and weak and lazy? That’s a first class ticket to the nursing home, Ang. I know that, and yet I eat the **** anyway.

I really have to puzzle out how to fix my problem once and for all. Since it all comes in waves, I have to prepare myself to be weak when I am strong. I am feeling strong at the moment, so I need to strike while the iron is hot and prepare for the weakness that is surely coming. Because it will come. It always does. I can be rolling along like a steam train, for months, being awesome, and then BLAMMO I’m completely derailed and back on the Ferris wheel of crap. I need a plan to repair the derail insanity. I cannot just think “Okay! I’m back to business as of right now! Yippee!” I have proven to myself over and over that I cannot do this. One bite off the rails and I’m hosed. Staying on the rails so strictly makes me eventually derail. So, what to do? The conundrum of my life.

I took some time recently to really analyze my problem. I needed to identify my classic stumbling blocks, and tried to come up with a solution for when the stumbles eventually come. Because they are coming, there is no doubt. My plans are always amazing on paper, but in real life the depressed laziness supersedes all. I need a plan I can’t ignore, a plan that will be ready to spring into action and help me out when the derailing is staring me in the face. Preparation when strong to contain the calamity when the weakness rolls in.


Identified Stumbling blocks, and proposed solutions:

Problem: Weekend family pancake breakfasts. Yeah, they are going to happen. My son adores pancakes above all other foodstuffs. I can’t deny a skinny athletic kid a stack of pancakes every once in a while.
Solution 1: easy failsafe low carb pancake & syrup recipe that can be made at a moment’s notice. I have to LOVE these lc pancakes, they cannot just be “okay.” If you know of an excellent recipe, please share!
Solution 2: Julian Bakery bread in the freezer to make French toast with. I love the French toast just as much as pancakes.

Problem: Bread. All kinds of bread. I’m a bread ho. It’s convenient. It’s delicious. It’s a lazy depressed lady’s supreme grab and go food.
Solution 1: again, Julian bread in the freezer.
Solution 2: Revolution/oopsie rolls. I know how to make good ones. I like them.
Solution 3: Mr. Peanut Bread. I haven’t made it yet, but sure looks like a good idea.
Solution 4: low carb Mission tortillas. Dangerous, though, this is a food I over eat easily. The ingredient list is a little iffy to me, but as a “sometimes food” to rescue me from a full blown derailment, I’ll allow it.

Problem: Actually making the revolution/oopsie rolls. Again, lazy and depressed = not making anything.
Solution 1: forget the oopsies and rely solely on Julian for all bread emergencies.
Solution 2: set a specific time once a week to make a batch, and actually do it. Make it a habit. This is the better solution, as it is cheaper and healthier.

Problem: The gorp my husband likes to take in his lunches. (It’s a nice mix of almonds, walnuts, pistachios, dried cherries and cranberries. Awesome. If it is here, I will somehow justify eating it.
Solution: It needs to not be in the house AT ALL. I still have to buy it, as my husband needs a quality snack while he’s working his ass off all day. He will have to take the entire lot of it either to work with him or keep it in his car.

Problem: Yogurt. It is a daily staple for my husband and son. I love yogurt. Seeing it every day in it’s convenient tasty little cups wears away at my resolve.
Solution 1: plain full fat yogurt mixed with steviva and whatever berry/coconut/lemon zest thing I have hanging around. Love this more than commercially cupped yogurts.
Solution 2: CarbMaster low carb yogurt. Not really a big fan (don’t like splenda or low fat stuff) but it’s a better option when the chips are down and I’m reaching for the sugar yogurt.

Problem: Starving at 4:00.
Solution: small fatty meaty snack, juuuust enough to kill the hunger pangs and get me to dinner. Must have pre-prepared stuff ready to roll: salami, leftover dinner meats, boiled eggs, hot dogs, whatever.

Problem: Overeating Julian Bread, Oopsie Rolls, Mr. peanut Bread, nuts and Low carb treats of all kinds. Yes, I really do stuff my face with them as fast as I can because they are available. Moderation does not exist in my brain when I am weak.
Solution: vacu-seal everything. I have a nice FoodSaver thingy, and as the rolls of baggie/plastic stuff is expensive I am usually loathe to use it. I think my distain for the price of these bags will make me think twice before I bust something open to get to it.

Problem: MUST HAVE SWEET. Antsy jonesing itching obsessing crazy stupid MUST HAVE SWEET. Being sweets free has not worked long term in the past. I will not even try to stay away from them.
Solution 1: Chocoperfection bars at the ready, vacu-sealed for dire emergencies.
Solution 2: Coconut oil bark. Make a batch, vacu-seal, freeze. (actually have to do the work, though.)
Solution 3: Plan a special lc dessert once a week. Maybe won’t go full crazy if desserts aren’t taboo.

Problem: Fruit. Sigh. I wish I could quit you! Avoiding fruit lead me to derail.
Solution: Berries and Cantaloupe. Daily. With breakfast. Portion control.

Problem: Portion control. Such a big big big problem for me. I’m an over eater. If it’s here, I want to eat it until its gone no matter what it is. Especially if it’s a goodie.
Solution: Ketosis. DEEP ketosis. Appetite killing ketosis.
Solution: Vacu-seal the especially tempting stuff.

Problem: Mindless grazing at all times
Solution 1: Ketosis.
Solution 2: adhere to the 3.5 meal a day plan. Insulin regulation is my appetite taming friend.
Solution 3: STAY BUSY. Sew sew sew sew sew sew sew

Problem: Family gatherings, holidays, camping trips, anything out of the daily humdrum that makes me think “Oh, just this once! It’s a special day! One time won’t kill me!”
Solution: prepare prepare prepare. Be ready weeks ahead of time. These things don’t spring out of nowhere, they are all known events. Be ready and make alternatives to whatever food will be my downfall. Whatever it is, I can make an alternative.

Problem: Too Lazy/tired/crabby/busy to prepare a proper meal. This is a big part of the Crappy Ferris Wheel of Crap.
Solution 1: Something frozen at the ready to just dump in the oven: chicken wings, shrimp, hamburger patties, etc.
Solution 2: know exactly what LC stuff to order at any fast food joint in a 10 mile radius.
Solution 3: bi-weekly take some time to make a big batch of something (soup, enchilada slop, taco salad topping, chili sans beans, chicken alfredo slop, whatever) and freeze in individual ready to heat containers. ACTUALLY DO THIS.

Problem: Too Lazy/tired/crabby/busy to go to the store. This is also a big problem leading to the big Crappy Ferris Wheel of Crap. Just go to the ****ing store already!
Solution: Create a specific time slot to go to the ****ing store and make it a habit.
Solution: Ketosis. I am not lazy when in Ketosis!

Problem: Too Lazy/tired/crabby/busy to do any real exercise.
Solution: Just do it, you *******. Once I get the food under control, it will be easier. I already walk the dogs, but I will map out my kettlebells and swimming and get it going.

SoooOOOooo, it appears I have a lot of problems. No wonder I fall on my face so often. Looking at it all mapped out like this, I think the answer is pretty dang obvious:

KETOSIS. Get there and stay there. Create contingency plans for every stumble staring me in the face. Low carb protection for every high carb injury waiting to happen. Eating properly makes me feel good, gives me the drive to be a better person, and then I can handle all the food stumbling blocks I’m faced with.

Operation: Improve Ang is a go. I am going to start the day after my birthday, I am treating it like a New Years Day. I am mapping out an entire year, my 43rd year, in small baby step increments so I won’t be a big fat depressed loser any more. I have goals and hopes and dreams and if I don’t have a plan they will never materialize. It all starts with KETOSIS, and the desire to be productive that comes with it.

Thanks for listening, or did you phase out somewhere in the problems list?

TL/DR: Ketosis + Organization = Ang is not a depressed miserable worthless wretch. Love you guys!

Last edited by glamazon; 05-24-2012 at 01:22 PM..
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Old 05-24-2012, 01:13 PM   #863
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Ang, I totally love that you have identified your triggers and come up with solutions to each one. It sounds so doable this way.
As always, you are still one of my inspirations on this board. Even though you might see "failures" when looking at your eating, I see someone who struggles like I do and who has come out ahead each time.
Ang we you and are always here for you!!
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Old 05-24-2012, 01:25 PM   #864
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aawww thanks, Janet. I'm sick of myself. I feel like such a waste of humanity. A lump of nothing that just eats and surfs the net all day. Try and fail. Try and fail. DONE!! I want to be a better member of society. It's the food, it's the first step. Thanks for being here for me! xoxoxo to you too!
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Old 05-24-2012, 02:53 PM   #865
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Wow, Ang! In many ways you are telling my story. I don't seem to be able to go without bread. And I do like sweets. I do ok most of the time with the sweets, but bread ... I get mean if I deny myself. Dang! It's just not fair! I seem to be maintaining, but certainly don't lose any weight. I've given up so much because of the diabetes but I get so depressed sometimes - especially when I'm trying to be so perfect. I stopped going to yoga about 3 weeks ago because my stomach wasn't showing any improvement. I want so much but I just get so sick of trying to be perfect. Well, I know the "downs" will eventually pass.

Dern the struggle, anyway! think I'll go and make a piece of toast.
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Old 05-24-2012, 03:44 PM   #866
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Hugs, Sandy. Have you tried the Julian Bread? It's expensive as hell, but it's tasty tasty bread that won't mess with your diabetes. It's great when you are on a bread rampage, it won't ruin your dieting day. It just takes will power to not snarf it all down at once, and you have to make sure it's on hand before the bread ho emerges. It makes amazing toast, too! I would like to cure the bread ho in me, but I think the best I can do is fend her off for long intervals, then feed her with Julian every so often to placate. My life is so stupid to be all twisted up about stupid bread. BREAD!!!
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Old 05-24-2012, 03:47 PM   #867
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Ang, like Janet said, we really do look up to you. You are the comeback queen! We all have those moments....you don't give up....you pull yourself out.

You talked about your birthday. Not wanting to waste these years....you are right! Wish I could go back in time and do it right back then. The year..2000....got down to 165.... Didn't last....didn't make it my WOE.....If only.....but no, I regained and kept gaining....wish I'd have kept at it then.

You can do it. I don't want you sitting looking at 51 and wishing like me....my 50th birthday coming up was what got me. I didn't want to go into my 50s feeling fat...slug like....etc. ....

Make this your time!

Now, Mr. PButter bread.....mmmmm....remember I used it for French toast. Worked well. Easy to make a loaf. Freeze slices wrapped tightly (to prevent over eating. ) knowing you can have a yummy now and then should help.

You can do this SparkleButtGlamaneesha!
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Old 05-24-2012, 04:00 PM   #868
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Oh, Kitty, I know!! I am looking at this birthday like a New Year's Eve. A one year project to clean myself up and be a success. One year blows by so fast. I am taking a very businesslike approach to improve myself. Small goals rolling into long term goals, encompassing my health, my home and my business. Three things that desperately need improving. 43. My 43rd year will be a very positive year.
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Old 05-24-2012, 04:01 PM   #869
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Is there a Bread Anonymous meeting close?

I'll have to try the Julian Bread. I have seen it in a Natural store (can't remember the actual name of the store), but I didn't buy any because of the price


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Old 05-24-2012, 04:03 PM   #870
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glamazon View Post
Oh, Kitty, I know!! I am looking at this birthday like a New Year's Eve. A one year project to clean myself up and be a success. One year blows by so fast. I am taking a very businesslike approach to improve myself. Small goals rolling into long term goals, encompassing my health, my home and my business. Three things that desperately need improving. 43. My 43rd year will be a very positive year.
Yes, it will be a wonderful, life changing year!
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