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Old 03-28-2013, 05:13 AM   #2041
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Woke up early this morning. Slept in the middle of the bed where the mattress is still like new, so maybe I got a better sleep than when I'm in one of the trenches on either side of the mattress. Anyway, woke and didn't feel the need to try and sleep longer. Went to take my morning meds and noticed I didn't take them on Wednesday. So, lab work for today is out of the question, since I missed an entire days' worth of Levo and Cytomel. Will wait and get the labs drawn after I've been on track. No idea how I missed the meds yesterday cause I set the alarm just to take them.

Anyway, that leads me to wonder if the Metoprolol I take in the morning could be the reason for the late-afternoon slump I hit when I'm at the farm. After all, I didn't have it yesterday and no tanking occurred. That was the only thing that I did differently.

It is flurrying outside right now. Unbelievable. Happy March 28th! It can only get better from here. Have a nice day, ladies. I'll be around.
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Old 03-28-2013, 08:34 AM   #2042
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Yep, in reading that post that you missed them that farm day, there may be a connection. Hmmm. definitely discuss that w. your Dr. Hope the test yield some answers for you, but I'm glad you had a good day!
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Old 03-29-2013, 11:12 AM   #2043
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I decided to cut the Metoprolol down to half and over the next week or two, cut them out completely. I checked my resting BP and heart rate yesterday while just lazing around and my HR was only 50. BP was decent. I take another pill for BP at night time so the Metoprolol was to control a rapid HR back when I used to have much more anxiety. I don't think I need it anymore and I'm determined to get my health back and get off as many of these dog-gone drugs as I can eliminate. We forget all the side effects each of them has and just remember what they are "for." I'm over it. I want to pare things way the heck down.

Your jaws would drop if I listed all the crap I take. I remember being a working RN and doing Admissions and saying to other nurses, "If I ever have a list of medications this long, just shoot me." We are a pill-popping society and frankly, I don't want to live to be 90 if I spend the last 15 of those years in a skilled nursing facility. I want quality, not quantity!

So, if that is truly what I want in life, I have to start acting like it. Time to put March and all those other months behind me and start anew. April is the beginning for me. I'm not going to make any big announcements of how I'm going to get this weight off or get my health back (and get off these damn drugs) but know that I'm going to be working on it.

I think it's not working to share too much of what I'm doing with people. I used to get something beneficial out of it but now I just feel like a hunk of junk when I fail and everyone watched me crash and burn. So from now on, if I hang around here, I need to hold my cards closer to my chest. I need to remind myself to do that, too.

What I really know is true for me is that I need to do something that I can do for the rest of my life. I can make exceptions for special days or special times but the general rule has to be totally livable. That means I have to learn to be very forgiving of myself and cut myself some slack. The plan I use has to be completely my own.

I have some great news! I have two extra shifts at the farm!! This Sunday afternoon and the afternoon of the 7th. That will go a long way to helping me get out of this rut I find myself in right now. March was SO HARD financially. I had to use the credit card much more than I wanted to, now I need to pay that off. The interest rate is too high to keep a balance on it. Yes, this Sunday is Easter Sunday but I don't have any plans anyway so I was happy to help the girl out. Maybe she will remember to ask me periodically when she needs an afternoon off. Clearly I need the hours and don't mind pinch-hitting.

My sister and her hubby are out in Indiana visiting with their son and his wife. After this, they drive all the way back to DC to spend time with their daughter and her partner. They just bought their first house in Maryland and it's an exciting time. I don't know when the closing will be but it's a wonderful time for them to have their parents come visit. Maybe they'll get to see some Cherry Blossoms while they're down there!

So, cause my sister is gone, we won't be doing anything for Easter. We don't generally have a family get-together for Easter, anyway. Christmas and Thanksgiving but never Easter. Not sure why but that's fine. I have a strange outlook on holidays at this time of my life. I see them more as the way our economy drives us to keep spending money all year long. I see that it's not a true "holy day" but a day to get us to part with our hard-earned cash. Having a Father who was a Jehovah's Witness is also coming into play with my mindset. I just don't get into holidays as much as other people do. I love the Lord and love what Easter means to us Christians but that's about all there is to that. It should be celebrated each and every day, not just one day or weekend a year. Ya know?

This post is going to be huge, isn't it! Better post it now before something untoward happens. Love yous! Have a wonderful Easter weekend and I hope you can spend it with the ones you love.
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Old 03-30-2013, 08:09 AM   #2044
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Do not feel bad when you are not perfect Cheryl. None of us are......

Hope your sister has a great trip and woo hoo !! on your extra shifts. That will be nice for you

Have a wonderful Easter weekend ! Off to work now......
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Old 03-30-2013, 09:33 AM   #2045
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Love your post!! Exactly!! We need to celebrate the resurrection every day!! It's the whole point of salvation!! Easter is actually a pagan holiday that the Roman Catholic church adopted. Ah the irony! We're working on celebrating Resurrection Sunday instead .

I'm glad you're picking up some extra shifts and $ and am excited for your new start and approach. I'm sure you'll be able to get off those meds and look forward to hearing of your success. I share that catch 22 in venting, sharing and feeling embarrassed when others witness my failures (mark my past 2 rounds of hcg hitting "goal" only to not maintain it). But, that said, the accountability and support are really valuable to me and even though it's a bit painful to fail w. an audience, I know there are so many who share that same struggle, so even my failure can encourage someone. KWIM? and may you have a blessed Sunday celebrating our Saviour's resurrection!!
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Old 03-30-2013, 10:15 AM   #2046
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Thanks, ladies. I only have one "but" to say in response to your reply, Julie. But you reached goal. Not maintaining it seems to be the norm in weight loss struggles, but you reached it! That's phenomenal!! I got within 20 lbs of my goal and regained most of what I'd lost. Right now, I'm only 24 lbs less than when I first began! (I just did the calculation. I can't believe it's true.) No wonder I feel like absolute hell!

I'm in a bit of a shock at the realization of what I've done to myself. I have to forget about what I previously lost and regained or I'll never get unstuck. If I look at it like that, I'll always feel like a failure. I HAVE to shift my paradigm and just look at it as though "it is what it is" and "here we go!" After all, losing the weight has been done on and off throughout my entire adult life. I didn't call it losing "regain weight" when I began this journey in 2009, did I? NO! I did not. I just called it weight loss and was gleeful about it.

So I'm claiming a clean slate but reserve the right to retain any and all wisdom I earned along the way.

Happy Resurrection Day to you too! I like that you call it that. It bypasses all bunnies and colored eggs and chocolate do-dads. Even those sugary Peeps! Those things are better passed-up anyway, from a dieting stand point.

God bless each of us this weekend and thank you Lord for all you went through for our sake. Thank you Father for the indescribable love you showed us by giving us your Son.
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Old 03-31-2013, 06:09 AM   #2047
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Here's an Easter image for you. "IT IS FINISHED." Glorified and now seated at the Right Hand of the Father.
Soon to welcome us home! Come Lord Jesus!
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File Type: jpg Seated at the Right Hand of God.jpg (43.7 KB, 4 views)
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Old 03-31-2013, 08:48 AM   #2048
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Amen!
Happy Resurrection Sunday!
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Old 03-31-2013, 09:33 AM   #2049
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You too, sister!
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Old 03-31-2013, 06:01 PM   #2050
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Just copying and pasting a post I just put on another thread to spare me typing it all over again. Ttyl.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CherylB
My health will improve but it's frightening to me how fragile I am. Oh, hell. I might as well type a few more sentences and not be so mysterious. I am working with the horses (and goats and minis) at a therapeutic riding center. It's just a part time job with very few hours but I love it. Before they offered me a job, I was volunteering there for a year. This job is very physical and we do have volunteers, but still it's a physical, strenuous job. I sometimes have "tanked" while working and it always seemed to happen if I hadn't eaten something substantial (or anything other than coffee with cream) before I went to work.

Then I noticed last week that eating didn't prevent that feeling from coming over me. I started to think maybe the beta blocker I take in the morning was keeping my heart rate too low when it needed to beat faster to keep up with the work load. (My resting heart rate is only 50. When I'm asleep, it must be in the 40's.) So I took my automatic BP cuff with me today and when it started to hit me again, I took my vital signs right then and there. I was blown away by the results. BP- 118/106, HR- 131. This was while standing up. I sat down and took it again. BP- 113/82, HR- 105. Later on, I went inside to take a bit of a break while some of the horses were being groomed by the volunteers. I sat in a chair and checked my vitals again. BP- 97/68, HR- 86.

I know how serious it is to have your BP and HR spike like that, and I wasn't working all that hard at the time. My body is just so screwed up right now. I'm having tests done, to check my heart and lungs and vasculature. So far, everything is "normal." Maybe my meds need to be altered but I'm afraid that I might not be able to keep this job if something isn't adjusted rapidly.

My father was working a full-time job at age 71. He was always a capable, independent guy. He was pressure-washing a side walk at an apartment complex he worked at when suddenly he fell to the ground. He was rushed to the hospital and I was called by his wife. He had had a massive hemorrhagic stroke and was completely paralyzed on his left side. It was the kind of stroke where a person doesn't even realize that they HAVE another half to their body. It's completely foreign to them.

I don't want that to happen to me, and I know that our genes are a far-better predictor of what is in store for us than any other indicator, from lifestyle, environment, etc. I'm only 50. I hope I have a lot more years of being vertical and independent than it feels like I might have right at this moment in time.

It's a holiday weekend but I will be seeing my Dr tomorrow. I need to drop something off and I'll try and speak with someone there about my vital signs. My Metoprolol needs to be doubled. Maybe I need to be put on a different drug entirely.

I will get up every day and pray I'm okay. I will lay down at night and pray I'm okay. I will stick to this diet plan and hopefully, as I shed water weight and fat lbs, the stress on my heart and lungs will ease up. And I will go back to the gym and swim regularly, but only after my meds are changed. I'm not going to push it until then.

So, if any of you are pray-ers, I'd be thankful for one said on my behalf. Thank you.
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Old 03-31-2013, 07:46 PM   #2051
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Wow Cheryl, I know the feeling. Last summer my blood pressure went really high (not quite as high as yours)... but I felt terrible. It was a reaction to the licorice medicine the naturopath gave me. Fortunately it all returned to normal fairly quickly when I stopped taking it. (had to figure it out on my own, was on vacation). I hope you get the answers you need tomorrow. Praying you will!
Sometimes its good to have a fairly serious "wake-up" call... use it to your advantage. Once you set your mind to "I have to do this" it will be much easier to have it become your new way, a permanent change in lifestyle. You've been addressing so many things in your life, and coming to great direction in getting free & healthy. I just know you're on the right road.
I hope you have a peaceful night's sleep as well.
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Old 03-31-2013, 11:31 PM   #2052
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That's scary Cheryl.....yes, please take it seriously and get checked out !
Hope you can see the Dr tomorrow and they can make some changes. Man, that could happen at home with no one around ! Be careful !!

Sleep well and prayers are going up for you !
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Old 04-01-2013, 09:29 AM   #2053
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DebbyL View Post
Wow Cheryl, I know the feeling. Last summer my blood pressure went really high (not quite as high as yours)... but I felt terrible. It was a reaction to the licorice medicine the naturopath gave me. Fortunately it all returned to normal fairly quickly when I stopped taking it. (had to figure it out on my own, was on vacation). I hope you get the answers you need tomorrow. Praying you will!
Sometimes its good to have a fairly serious "wake-up" call... use it to your advantage. Once you set your mind to "I have to do this" it will be much easier to have it become your new way, a permanent change in lifestyle. You've been addressing so many things in your life, and coming to great direction in getting free & healthy. I just know you're on the right road.
I hope you have a peaceful night's sleep as well.
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Thank you. One thing I thought to do (after calling the Dr and leaving a detailed message about what is happening to me) was to not drink coffee today. I don't have decaf and maybe the caffeine is the culprit. I always have a few cups of full-caf coffee to start the day. Maybe coupled with the heavy work I do at the farm, it isn't boding well. So I will just have to drink water today. I have no decaf. It's a bummer, but I can "cowboy up" and do what is within my power to do to keep myself well.

The first thing I did when I woke up was to pray to God about protecting me today. And also that they can correct this by adjusting my dosages. After calling the Dr's office, they said they would want me to come in but I told them that coming in won't do a thing to solve this. I asked them to just review the two BP drugs I'm on and see if I could take them more often or maybe just a higher dose. I did make it clear that my resting heart rate is only 50.

It's almost 60 degrees already today and the sun is putting forth a good effort to come out and shine on us, but the clouds are around. Just saw the weather report. Rain again this afternoon. I will do a repeat of yesterday's farm experience. Do I bring them in early or leave them out in the rain and hope it doesn't get worse? I decided to bring them in yesterday and soon after I did, the rain stopped. And stayed stopped. I don't understand these 50:50 decisions. I have a 50% chance of being right but so often I'm wrong. This seems to be a family trait so maybe it's beyond my control.

Without coffee, all I have to drink is plain water. BORing. Will have to buy decaf pronto. I don't get paid until Wednesday but I have my trusty credit card. I will just put the cash on the card once I get paid. It will be another tight month financially. I don't know how I survived before I got this job. Oh yeah! I dumpster dove. It's all coming back to me now. I actually dreamed about a dumpster dive last night. My sisters were in the dream and the dumpsters were piled high with neatly-placed, perfectly good produce and food. I think maybe I dreamed that because it was Easter and the best dumpster dive I had was right after the last New Years (I can't remember which holiday, honestly).

Getting back to the weather, along with the rain later in the day, wind gusts up and over 40mph. We have had significant wind for weeks straight. It's beyond my comprehension.

I have to go check through my other threads and post over there. I have quite a few going right now and it takes a lot of time to do it well! I used to be crazy-thorough with posting personals.

But first, I must go eat. Dr Atkins says a good breakfast is the best way to speed progress along. So, here I come!
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Old 04-01-2013, 07:17 PM   #2054
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So, did you hear anything? Survive going caffeine free? I'd have a doozy of a head-ache if I did that!
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Old 04-01-2013, 07:40 PM   #2055
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I did hear back from the Dr and she (the stand-in Dr) wouldn't consider changing the dosages of my two BP/HR meds without seeing me in the office. I said that is absurd because my vitals in the office will be the same as they always are and I have been in there several times in the past 5 weeks. Maybe even less time than that.

I don't mind complying with requests that make sense, but I don't suffer fools all that well. I'll figure this out myself or I'll get in touch with my actual Dr when he returns. In the meantime, I'll avoid caffeine. I did skip it today and I did still feel that feeling at work, but when I did the vital sign check, it was not as bad as it was on Monday. So, no caffeine did help with the numbers but not in how I felt when it happened to me.

I have exciting news! I will be working four afternoons at the farm beginning April 28th! Sunday through Wednesday afternoons. It will probably only be the days I work during the months we have therapeutic riding going on, so I'll have to try and set some of that money aside in savings for next winter. If I start living up to my means and the hours get cut again, I'll be hurting.

It appears that the young girl who does much of the morning shifts may be moving to AZ to be near her Father. If that happens, all sorts of things are going to be shifting around. I have to be ready, so that makes me even more motivated to get my fanny in shape!

As soon as my vitals are stable, I'm heading back to the gym. I want to not only swim but do some beginner Yoga classes. I need that for my mind and it will be great for my body, too.

It's late here and I'm tired. It was crappy weather today with the rain, then it got super cold and windy, then the sun came out again, the wind died down and it actually started to feel nice. Then the sun set and it was all over. Going to be below freezing tonight. When will winter end? Stay tuned.

XOXO!!
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Old 04-01-2013, 08:01 PM   #2056
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Hey that sounds good, that your vitals improved w/o the caffeine.
Hopefully the extra work at the farm will help, not hinder your health. Maybe take up some walking or treadmill on days off until you get back to the gym?

How long is your Dr going to be away?

But for the wind, your weather sounds very much like mine. We're thrilled that it was 51 degrees today. Of course it drops to 20 at night, but I like that it is freeze-drying the mud & snow. Its normal for our spring, but I guess you usually get much better. Its coming!!!
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Old 04-01-2013, 08:05 PM   #2057
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Oh, sweetie. If I saw what you see when I look out my windows, I would not be griping about the weather as much as I do. There is no grandeur here. Hence, I gripe. I can't imagine how you can tolerate riding on your bikes in 40 degree weather. You people are HARDY!

I don't know where Doc is or when he'll be back. I'm afraid to even walk on a treadmill (I own one) because I'm usually not working all that hard at the farm when that feeling comes over me. I can't risk it. I will risk the pool but it seems when I'm "vertical" and active, I run into trouble. Strange, isn't it? I'll buy some mostly decaff coffee soon. Tomorrow I'm not working so I'll go ahead and make the high-octane stuff.

Sleep well. Off to bed I go.
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Old 04-01-2013, 08:28 PM   #2058
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Ah yes, well everyone here complain about the weather too... its conversation. I just choose to be positive about it, helps my mood.

I just know that baby steps help with exercise... when I was a computer potato... the Lord told me to get up & walk 5 minutes out the door... & then come back... then it was every hour... & eventually it went up. It got me moving & stronger. Not in an "aerobic" way. And for me, walking is available anywhere... its my alternative for when we travel too.

Enjoy your coffee!! I've had to cut mine back to .5 tsp. of instant coffee per large coffee mug (holds 2 cups). I was supposed to quit, but that's just not going to happen.

I'm thinking I need to go see the naturopath & get adrenal test done again. Things have changed. I probably need things adjusted again too.

Looking forward to going to work tomorrow!
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Old 04-02-2013, 08:18 AM   #2059
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Sounds like a good idea, to see the naturopath. I actually bought instant coffee once and I had another episode of high BP but I think it was low HR then. It happened late at night and my sister stayed with me via text message and I kept rechecking my vitals and sending them to her. At that time I took an extra Lisinopril out of desperation. I ended up assuming that it was related to drinking instant coffee, so I gave the rest of it away to my Mother. It only happened that one night.

That's cool how the Lord got you moving. I agree with starting slowly, but I do consider what I do at the farm to be exercise. And I've been doing that for 13 months. (including as a volunteer, but I worked like gang-busters as a volunteer.)

Have a great day back at work! I'm about to go have me my first cup of coffee since Monday morning. Mmmm....

Oh, yeah. I got woken up by the Dr's office. They called to say that they want me to come in so the lady who does the ANS tests can go over the results with me in person. I would normally take that as a bad sign but they're having everyone who's had this new testing done come in to see the woman for a review of the findings. I look forward to seeing what they found. If they say "everything is normal" I'm going to have a crap-fit. Something is wrong, so how can everything be normal? So that will be Thursday at 1:30 pm. And today I drop off the Apnea Link machine. All these trips to the Dr's office is eating through my gasoline and the prices are criminal right now.
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Old 04-02-2013, 08:19 AM   #2060
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Hey! Glad you're kinda' getting a handle on that BP. No coffee? I'd be lost. It's my only vice. I do have LOW BP and get dizzy when I get up too quickly. Not gonna' do anything about it, but am mindful of it. And YAY for more hours!! You're wise to put some $ away for a snowy day . Pay off that credit card first then put money aside. You're doing well. Hope the dumpster diving goes well for you. It's a good creative way to save $. I've never tried it.

Hope you're feeling well and it's a warmer sunny day for you!
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Old 04-02-2013, 08:20 AM   #2061
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Hope the results are helpful!
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Old 04-02-2013, 08:25 AM   #2062
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Thank you, Julie. Have a warm, sunny day yourself!
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Old 04-02-2013, 04:11 PM   #2063
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Cheryl, I realized I had never looked at your pics ! wow !! They are just great
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Old 04-02-2013, 05:31 PM   #2064
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Thanks, Laura! I hope to add some of the 50's version of the svelte me this year.
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Old 04-02-2013, 09:40 PM   #2065
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That would be fun Cheryl, more pics.

Hope you had a good day. Must be hard without the coffee.

I had a little upset today, pet peeve...went to pick up a parcel & she wanted to see picture ID. I really hate. Anyway, I then went to Safeway & took my blood pressure. Couldn't figure out why it was high! (well, just at the top of normal); It later dawned on me, as I sat there & took it 5 times & watched it slowly return to normal... oh, oops... did that to myself! Kind of interesting though.

Thought of you Cheryl, it sure doesn't feel good... body definitely tries to tell you!

Have a good sleep!
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Old 04-03-2013, 09:58 AM   #2066
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Oh no! What is it about your picture id thing that gets you? Is the picture of the old, heavy you? If so, go get a new pic taken and bury the other id on some dark night. Then you can show your new id with pride!

Actually, I got up today and was about to have a cup of coffee (had the cream out and everything) and then I remembered it was a work day. I decided to go ahead and have it anyway. I'm on day four of Atkins Induction (I think) and so I've lost a lot of excess body fluid. That will help the BP/HR situation in a big way. At least I hope it will.

Yet another windy day here in CT. Winds in the 20's and greater with gusts in the 40's. There is actually a "red flag warning" posted on Accuweather. I guess I'll be dressing in winter garb. Hats that protect my cheeks, and a decent coat. No rain or snow, though! And I have an excellent volunteer on Wednesdays. I think there might be one or two others coming to shadow us and learn what it is they will be doing when they come.

I got paid today!!! I haven't been on my bank website in a while. I was afraid to see a negative balance but I will head on in there now and see where I stand. I have some bills I want to pay immediately, to get them out of the way. Then I have to redo my budget. Yeesh!

Have an awesome day, everyone.
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Old 04-03-2013, 12:54 PM   #2067
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Hi cheryl....its windy here too! I had to take the rental car back this morning. I loved that Ford Edge! It was great to drive. I forgot to tell you when we were texting that I gave Shawn my Tablet to take with him. He loved it! Hubby's buying me another one next month.
I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow though and finally get caught up on my sleep. My dd hasn't caught up on her sleep yet bc shes been working. That all night drive back really has us all screwed up.
Hope your day at the farm is ok. Yeah.....payday for me too but it's allll gone! $4 left of it! LOL It happens! Good thing I have hubby to rely on. Whew!
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Old 04-03-2013, 02:04 PM   #2068
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CherylB View Post
Oh no! What is it about your picture id thing that gets you?
Its the idea. Why should I have to show my identification to pick up my package (worth $10), that she called me to come get... tell her my name, company, etc. (who else would know that?) Common sense just tells you, this is the person you called, she is who she says she is, give her the package! Again, common sense- how would a "thief" know any of that, or know "if" there was a package there for me? Why submit a customer to a gestapo mentality over a small - worthless to anybody else package?
I live in a small town where people trust each other, a handshake is your bond, and friendliness abounds. I just feel violated when I get treated like that. She thought she was fulfilling a "rule"... What I heard was: "you look like a thief"

OK. Sorry. I need to get over it. I clearly need to apologize to the girl, I've repented of my anger. And I will have to accept that "some companies" would rather treat people like crooks then give good customer service. Next time I'll go in with my purse, and co-operate. (fortunately the other identical package came to another courier & was picked up by my boss, so I was able to use the printer today).

Good for you, getting back on your diet. Hope it goes well & you still have energy to do your work. I hope your BP cooperates with you today.
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Old 04-03-2013, 06:37 PM   #2069
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tay65 View Post
Hi cheryl....its windy here too! I had to take the rental car back this morning. I loved that Ford Edge! It was great to drive. I forgot to tell you when we were texting that I gave Shawn my Tablet to take with him. He loved it! Hubby's buying me another one next month.
I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow though and finally get caught up on my sleep. My dd hasn't caught up on her sleep yet bc shes been working. That all night drive back really has us all screwed up.
Hope your day at the farm is ok. Yeah.....payday for me too but it's allll gone! $4 left of it! LOL It happens! Good thing I have hubby to rely on. Whew!
BBL!
There you are! Hey, girl!! That is so cool that you gave Shawn your new Tablet. Only a Mom would do something so selfless as that. I'm sure that really made him feel closer to you and maybe will keep him in closer touch with you while he's deployed. And hugs to hubby for buying you another one.

$4 left? I paid a bunch of my bills today too. I even paid off the credit card which was $222. I hope I don't come to regret that later on in the month. I just don't want to run a balance on a card that is so high in percentage. I'm thankful to have it because no credit card company in their right mind should be issueing someone in my position credit. I'm still in foreclosure and I still have a Chapter 7 coming down the pike. Someday, when the foreclosure is actually done. If it ever is. I can still get into the house and do whatever I want. It's crazy.

I'm glad you enjoyed your rented wheels for the trip to Kentucky but I wish you could have taken it a little slower coming home. Rushed road trips can be brutal. Sleep well and sleep long! That's what I plan on doing!

Quote:
Originally Posted by DebbyL View Post
I just feel violated when I get treated like that. She thought she was fulfilling a "rule"... What I heard was: "you look like a thief"

OK. Sorry. I need to get over it. I clearly need to apologize to the girl, I've repented of my anger. And I will have to accept that "some companies" would rather treat people like crooks then give good customer service. Next time I'll go in with my purse, and co-operate. (fortunately the other identical package came to another courier & was picked up by my boss, so I was able to use the printer today).

Good for you, getting back on your diet. Hope it goes well & you still have energy to do your work. I hope your BP cooperates with you today.
I completely understand where you're coming from. In a small town like yours, you ought to be on a first name basis with almost everyone. Maybe the manager that she has is insisting that she follow the rules regardless of the size of your community.

Once, I "lost it" with a woman in a uniform shop. I later went back and told her how sorry I was and explained what set me off. (There was some time that had passed but I couldn't forget it.) I told her I was totally out of line and it really felt good to right a wrong. It's the right thing to do. But honestly, I don't know if she even remembered me.

I did have a better day at the farm today. The winds were ferocious and unrelenting. The sun was out but you couldn't feel the warmth. I had a winter sweater on that had a high neck and then I had a ear protector thing that also protected my cheeks; until it slid down to my neck. I gave up and just folded it in half and just put it on so it would go across my forehead and ears and to the base of my neck. Brutal!

I love the volunteer I have on Wednesdays and I always tell her how great she is. Well, she basically did 75% of the cleaning of the paddocks and dumping of paddock waters while I was stuck working with the Program Director. She said "now is when we are doing it" so I didn't get a chance to help with the paddock cleaning or any of the usual stuff.

She was working with us and we were long-lining the horses a couple at a time in the arena. When it came my turn, I walked into the arena with Big Red and the director asked me what I wanted to do. I said that I had only long-lined once before and that was a long time ago (a couple of months at least). So I said I needed total coaching and she said she would start off by doing it herself and telling me what she was doing and why. Then it was my turn.

I did okay but I don't understand the whole concept of what I'm doing. It's so much more complex that it appears to the casual observer. I don't even know if I can explain it without writing a long article. Anyway, just trust me that it was hard and frustrating and humbeling and somewhat maddening and other words of that nature.

I finished and we took the tack off of Red and I walked him back to the barn. It was 5pm and so windy that I just decided to put him in his stall so he could eat his dinner hay and relax. The equine manager had passed all the dinner hay, someone else had filled and hung all the water buckets; it was insane! I've never had a paid shift that went like clockwork and I did so little of the work myself.

Then I told the girl who had been slaving away in my absence that we should go in the kitchen and take a break. That's where we were when the program director came inside. She asked us what we were doing (just making conversation) and I said I was licking my wounds. Then she told me that I did good! I said to her that if she hadn't told me that, I never would have thought I did well at all. I swear; I don't know where these instructors find the patience that it takes to train person after person, year after year. It's so remarkable.

So, lesson #2 is in the bag. I told her I need more eyes to do that well. She laughed. But truthfully, you have to be looking the horse in the eye, you have to be driving him from the hips by applying pressure with your eyes. I asked the director what she meant by that and she said it was all energy. Looking at something is applying actual pressure. Okay. So then I'm supposed to be looking far ahead of the horse, the way that he is looking. If I don't do that at the same time as looking at everything else, the horse doesn't know what I want from him. It's not enough that I just made him turn a corner, now he wants me to lead him with my eyes. It is freaking deep!

And you are supposed to be "thinking" all the things you want him to do. Visualizing him stopping his feet rather than relying on pulling on the reigns. And she called it "sponging". I had to get her to explain that too. It's this very gentle, almost imperceptable touch on the reigns. Not so much as pulling back but squeezing the reign.

I need to practice this every chance I get because this is "schooling" the horse. They need to do these things for God only knows what reason. But it is used to drive them during therapy lessons sometimes. We don't always lead from the front but oftentimes from the rear, using the long lines.

Then the Farrier was coming at 7:30 to work on Cowboy's hoofs cause he was reportedly lame. When he got to the farm, I asked him if he'd like to have me walk him so he could watch him from a distance away. I had to trot him and then turn him around and we walked/trotted back toward him. Then Cowboy went into the cross ties in the barn and the farrier got busy removing the shoes on his front hoofs, and then clipping, filing and shaving off the hoof.

I learned so much by watching that procedure! It was a first for me. It was well-worth staying late to be a part of that. I left the farm at 8pm. It was still freaking cold and windy.

The manager wants me to come and slowly walk Cowboy tomorrow afternoon so after I do the "test review" at the Dr's office (about the results of the ANS test), I will drive back to the farm and walk Cowboy around a little.

Whew! Thankfully and an answer to prayer, I didn't suffer from one of those terrible feelings I get when my BP and HR are up high. I did get a mild form of that one time but it passed. I think losing the water weight in the first week of Atkins is helping so much with that whole situation.

I'm on the right path, ladies! Praise the Lord!

Goodnight! Sleep tight, everyone. (Google spell checker is on the fritz. Sorry but you get it "raw.")

Last edited by CherylB; 04-03-2013 at 07:03 PM..
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Old 04-03-2013, 06:48 PM   #2070
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I just remembered something else that was really cool. When I got near to the barn with Red, the other staff barn girl was inside. She was with Daphne whom she had just long-lined in the arena and she saw me coming and she ASKED ME if I wanted to put the horses back out in the paddock or just put them in their stalls. I said I didn't know what time it was and she said 5. I said to just go ahead and put them in their stalls since it was still so windy.

I was HER volunteer for a full year. Today she asked me what to do.

Last edited by CherylB; 04-03-2013 at 07:04 PM..
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