The Continuing Saga of CherylB's Weight Loss Journey (part 2)

[julieboolie]

I think the job is a blessing. Not only is it a financial provision, but it's pushing you way out of your comfort zone. This is a good thing, although painful for a while. Like you said, it's going to scrape off those rough edges, areas that are not your strengths, and will be uncomfortable. The trying of your faith will develop patience and perseverance in you. It's good stuff! Painful, but valuable! Take it one day at a time, each day has enough trouble of its own . And, you'll be able to provide good help to the horses and the facility. Training volunteers isn't fun, but if you remember, that's how you started, right? Someone trained you. Pay it forward, and maybe you'll get a valuable asset in a regular who can actually help you. You never know. Be open to it, let God direct your steps and see where He leads. He has you there for a reason. Maybe you can help make the organization and communication better ?

As for diet, that's a thorn we all will have for life. Make good choices today. Get good healthy food for the house, that way when the munches hit, you'll have salad or pickles as indulgences. you can do it!! Summer is around the corner. You'll want to be ready for it!

[verbqueen]

Cheryl, when you visualize the future, as we all do when we are thinking and planning, there is NO REASON not to form the most positive possible picture in your mind. I believe that the pictures we form in our minds of ourselves in future situations strongly influence the way things turn out! So while I believe it's best to live our lives in the present moment and fully savor and realize each day for its own blessings, I think it's CRUCIAL to visualize most positive possible outcome when we think about the future.

So when you think of the coming warm season at the farm, in your mind's eye see yourself as trim and fit and energetic, as a warm and positive source of learning and motivation for the new people. Picture yourself as filled with satisfaction and joy at being an integral part of such a wonderful mission--uniting people with animals for healing!

If negative pictures of the future creep in, push them aside and replace them happy ones. That's how we make our own dreams come true!

[CherylB]

Very sound advice, ladies. I will "think on these things", as you all said. So much possibility and I know it. I've known it all along. But it will test the very parts of me that I have yet to come close to conquering. I will lean heavily on the Lord and I will visualize, and all that stuff. I need to better-utilize my free time and make it more like "prep time" for the farm. Less kick-back-and-veg time.

And the diet issue has just been somewhat solved for me. I have just done my checking account balance and even with the payday coming up on the 20th, I'm done for the month. The cash I have on hand will need to go into the gas tank so no more shenanigans for me. I have finished all my playing around for this month.

Challenges abound! I will rise up to meet them, with God's help and love. And the support from my dear friends!

[CherylB]

Wow. Had a terrible night, trying to sleep. I'm all messed up right now and feeling out of sorts. I need to make some coffee to set myself straight. I have work today and thankfully the rain has passed.

I hope everyone is having a lovely day.

[julieboolie]

hope some coffee and sunshine did the trick! Maybe after a full day at the farm you'll sleep extra deeply tonight! Hope so!!

[CherylB]

I had a good day at the farm yesterday, relatively speaking. A lot of stuff when awry but it was comical and I learned a few things. Like how much more complicated it is to do simple things when there are a group of people watching you. For instance, ....

We were instructed (the volunteer girl and I) to go and get three horses and bring them to the arena. We were told which three horses to get, which made it a bit trickier since we were about to split up a pair of horses that are attached at the hip. ("Where we go one, we go all.") Anyway, I decided we'd go in and get the horse that was going to be taken from her partner. It would have been fine if I had just un-did what the volunteer did as we went into the paddock.

She unhooked the two ribbons that constitute a fence (they have a hook on the ends, with a spring) and I told her to keep the top one hooked, otherwise they might come bolting into the run-in area (which didn't belong to either of them.) But I left the lower ribbon unhooked since she took that one off already and I figured it would be okay. What we should have done was step through the ribbons, but the volunteer went into the paddock ahead of me and she has little horse experience. Anywho,...

I get the halter on Daphne and Red sees that only the top ribbon is hooked. So he slips underneath the ribbon and is bounding around like a fool in the run-in that belongs to Lola. He knows he's being left behind and that we're taking Daphne away. I ask the volunteer (who is inexperienced) to hold Daphne's lead rope while I try and get Red back into the paddock.

I go in the run-in and see that the fence between the two run-ins is down (they do that sometimes to give those two horses who live there together some time to "mingle.") Well, then I was trying to just pin Red down to one area which wasn't working. I finally got him on one side and got the fencing closed so he couldn't escape over to the other half and then I tried to "use my energy" to move him through the area that he had slipped through in the first place. He wasn't having any of that.

So I had to put the halter on him and lead him 15 feet into the paddock, have the volunteer lead Daphne out, close the fence, take Red's halter off and then finally make my escape. One horse down, two to go. OMG, ladies. Things are so much harder with volunteers "to help."

Something similar happened when I went to get the other two. I lead Daphne into the arena and then had the volunteer come and just stand with her in the center while I went to get the others. By that time the pack of newbies is there and I ask who has horse experience. One girl chimes in that she does so I enlist her help. There are three geldings in this paddock. We're taking two of them. The third doesn't like this idea. Here we go again.

This time there was no run-in to escape to, but the third did slip out into an area that is gated but not technically part of the paddock. The program director is now there and she says to just bring him in and let him be in his area, out of the mud. So, happy horse. We finally get the three horses into the arena and we can start the class.

People, let me tell you that if I had been by myself, I could have gotten the three horses in half the time with 1/4th the trouble. But that's not how this place works. We run mainly on volunteers so this is why I have to become better at seeing problems before they arise and essentially "think like a horse." Little by little (or a lot by a lot) it's happening. But it is NOT fun.

I need to learn to laugh at my own mishaps and keep a good attitude about the volunteers because it wasn't long ago that I was one of them. I have to believe that the better I teach, the better they will learn, and the better for all concerned as they participate in the program and just helping with chores and such. I have to remind myself of that continually. Or I have to find another job. Fast.

[CherylB]

I had my very first echocardiogram today. I was dreading it but it ended up being kind of cool. I got to see my own heart at work and it made me think of how people must feel when they have ultrasounds of their babies. I never had a pregnancy so this was the first time I got to experience seeing the life force within me.

I knew about heart valves and all that stuff because I used to work in Telemetry and all nurses know the anatomy of a heart, but to see it in action is amazing! I'd witnessed an open heart surgery as a student nurse, but the heart was still and the blood was being shunted through a heart/lung bypass machine.

Anyway, seeing it all working within me made my heart and soul fill with wonder and gratitude to God for keeping me going all these years, in spite of the things I've done to my body. The valves were opening together, in sync. It looked like a butterfly! So beautiful, God's creations.

Then I finally remembered to return a call from my Dr's assistant. She called days ago. I finally got through to their office (it was like trying to get through to a very popular pizza place we used to go to when we were kids. The phone was constantly busy!) and it turns out they weren't calling to tell me the results of the over-night oximetry test I had done weeks and weeks ago. They were calling me to say I needed to have it repeated cause the place they sent it out to said it was unreadable. UGH! So I need to call them next week to set up a time to get the gadget again. They are all signed-out with other patients at the moment.

So getting back to my heart echo, it had a real impact on me. It was magical and mystical and profound. I am going to remember that whenever I throw caution to the wind and want to drink and eat all kinds of junk. I want to make that heart last a long time.

[DebbyL]

That's WAY COOL Cheryl!

Love that you came away with such a beautiful inspiration. God can use anything, hey?!

That's great. Hope things are going well for everything else too.

[tay65]

hi cheryl.....you are quite the busy body! Too bad about the sleep test. Thats what you were talking about repeating, right? The echo sounds cool.
I haven't been around because I'm having a hard time right now. My son is deploying April 25th. It's for 9 months of hell. We are all going to see him Easter weekend. We'll leave Thursday & come home Sunday. He starts "vacation" Friday for 2 weeks. So when he goes back he'll be working 7 days a week. Packing, making sure weapons are ready......all that stuff.
On top of that, my husband is sick. I have to get him to the dr. He can't sleep, he feels sick, his BP is still high (hes getting bad headaches).
On a better note, Chloe is talking sentences now! She is trying to spell her name and she told my dd that the nail polish she was holding was green!
She's on this kick of sleeping with me too. I don't care. I think she likes my bed! LOL
Well, I'll talk to you soon. E-Mail me sometime!

[shelby'snana]

Love that Cheryl . Very nice that seeing your heart " in action " showed the power of God ! Have a nice weekend.

[CherylB]

How weird, Tammy. I had no idea you posted here last night. I'd been thinking about you off and on, wondering how you were and where you were, then the day I text you to see if you're okay, you also write on my journal. A happy coincidence?

Waiting for your reply email as I type this.

Ladies, it was beyond cool. When it comes down to a human life, it's the heart that keeps everything going. It stops, we stop. I wish I could get a video of my echo so I could watch it again from time to time for a reality check.

I was out of Restoril last night but was back on Benadryl. I normally take both for sleep but I hadn't gone out to buy more Benadryl and I was out for about 4 days. Last night I was surprised to sleep fairly well on just the Benadryl. Could have been partly because of running a sleep deficit but who knows. (?) If the Restoril doesn't arrive in today's mail, it will be just Benadryl until Monday or beyond.

Have a lovely Saturday, ladies. And enjoy Saint Patty's Day, if you are so inclined. Drink a green beer for me!!! And while you're at it, have me some corned beef, cabbage and potatoes.

[CherylB]

Oh! I forgot to say how cool it is that Chloe is growing up. Don't grow up too fast, little lady! And sleep in your big-girl bed....

I'll pick up where we left off in our emails.

[CherylB]

There's nobody around here but I will just jot down a few things before I "retire." I had a pretty good day. Being flat broke and taking Antabuse are two ways to reign in the savage beasts that had been ruling over me and causing me to be completely out of control with both eating and drinking. I'm eating carby stuff, but not in an insane way. Carbs are cheap so that's what I spent my $5 on two days ago. I figured I'd get the most meals out of that type of food.

But the obsession I had with food and drink is over now. It's been 7 days since I had any alcohol (well, almost 8 now) and that makes me feel good. Tomorrow is supposed to be a very sunny day, so that will add to feelings of well-being. Maybe I'll even vacuum! Yee haw.

So, sleep tight my little lady friends. Rest well and be safe. God bless each of you in whatever way you need it the most.

[DebbyL]

Hi Cheryl,
Sounds like you've gone through the toughest part. Good for you!
Hope you feel good in process too. Sunshine is definitely an upper! Maybe a walk in the sunshine is in your future??
Have a good sleep!

[CherylB]

Good morning, ladies. I didn't sleep a wink last night. It's 0750 and I'll probably catch a nap later this morning, which won't help my sleeping when night rolls around again but it will make me feel better today. No idea why I wasn't the slightest bit affected by the Benadryl I took.

When I don't sleep, my eyes really burn and my voice gets very guttural. It's weird cause I don't have much reason to talk until I go to say something to Cisco and then it takes me by surprise!

The sun is shining brightly and I opened up all the curtains and blinds. I peaked outside in the yard to see if I could catch a glimpse of a bunny or a deer but didn't see anything. It was so cold last night. Only 21! March needs to lighten up.

That's all the news for now. I hope you all have a very blessed Sunday.

[shelby'snana]

Hope you get some rest !! I saw 2 beautiful deer jump across my road last night - right before my driveway - and then they hopped over the fence into the woods across from the house. I love them <3

Have a wonderful day

[CherylB]

I almost never see deer and I love seeing them. Even a bunny will make my day. I just love wildlife so much and not being a morning person, I miss a lot.

I got a little rest; the "half in, half out" kind of sleep. My eyes are still burning so it wasn't much. I'll sleep good tonight, even without the Restoril.

I just remembered that I have a credit card, so I'm not as broke as I've been thinking I was. I was almost going to ask my Mother for a $50 loan until next month, but I can just charge a few things that I need and then just pay it off next month. As long as I don't go nuts and just keep it to what I would have borrowed, that will work out perfectly.

Have a nice day, ladies.

[CherylB]

Did the farm today. Just as I was wrapping things up, it started snowing. Perfect timing, really. By the time I went inside to write "report" for the equine manager to find when she got back home, it was already coating the cars and roads and accumulating fast. We already have 2-3" and it's going to end up being upwards of 6" or so before it changes to something wetter.

The horses were very calm today. I guess they started working them out yesterday and it really shows! They got free-lunged again today by the program director. The mud is drying up but the horses were just covered in mud from rolling. I had to brush them all off before putting their winter sheets on them for the night. It took a long time and I didn't even have to do them all. The goats got their winter coats put on, too. They were so cute. They were laying down and each of them stood up so I could put their coats on. The old goat even looked up at me and looked like she was going to give me a kiss on my face.

Just put Cissy out to go potty and she was COVERED in only about 5 minutes. She was barking to come back in. Can't say I blame her.

Sleep tight, ladies. I still haven't gotten my Restoril so every night is a crap shoot. I didn't sleep too well last night, even with taking this stuff called "Alteril." Waste of money.

Catch you tomorrow. God willing...

[shelby'snana]

sleep well Cheryl . goats sound really cute <3

[CherylB]

You too, Laura. Hugs! (And they really are cute.)

[DebbyL]

Wow, that sounds like a lot of work, brushing all the horses off. Good on you, that you missed working in the snow. Hope you get to hold out at home while it melts. Goats can appear to be pretty sweet, but they're very mischievous! Our neighbors have goats, sheep, horses & chickens... my grandchildren love the goats... the goats love them too. We used to have milk goats years ago, when we lived in the bush. Fun. (we once came home from church to find they'd been able to get in the house... they were laying on the couch)!

Hope you can get some sleep!

[CherylB]

OMG! Too funny. Were they watching TV? Holding the remote and sipping something refreshing through a straw?

Thanks, Debby. Feel better fast!

[CherylB]

Another lousy night. I called the mail-order pharmacy to check the status of that Restoril. It still hasn't been filled! I thought it was already shipped and I'd get it in the mail any day now. She said she would try and get it processed and shipped out today. I hope it comes before the weekend. It's usually pretty rapid once it gets shipped.

It's a real sloppy mess outside. The plow guy did the driveway next door to mine but he skipped mine. Might have been because it was trash and recycle day and both cans were in the driveway, waiting for the trash dudes to show up. I will just clean up the half I'm parked in and leave the other half of the driveway snowy. It will melt soon enough. God willing.

Thankfully, no farm duty today. Dodged that bullet. I think the storm is passing now. Suddenly the sky seems to be lighter. Sunshine would make the snow melt in no time flat.

I hope you ladies are having a fine day. Sorry for all the griping. I hate when I have such negative posts. Makes me think I should have just kept my big trap shut!

[shelby'snana]

sorry you had a bad day Cheryl Hope you sleep better tonight and have a better day tomorrow !

Maybe Spring will come and see you soon . And maybe your medicine will show up soon.......

Nite !

[DebbyL]

Yep, sometimes we need to vent... its allowed.

Hope you get more relief with sleep tonight.

[CherylB]

I am going to be one very happy girl when I open the mailbox and see a white plastic bag. Oh, ladies. I am sick of this sleeplessness.

I have the farm today. Mostly sunny, cold and very windy. Will be wearing head-gear that covers as much surface area as possible. My cheeks need to be covered in the cold wind.

Happy first day of Spring, ladies!! It's got to show up sometime, right? Have a lovely day.

[julieboolie]

Just prayed for a good night's sleep for you! It makes such a big impact on our lives to be well rested, restored and replenished.

Glad you didn't have to work the farm in the messy aftermath of the snow. I'm glad you're doing well. Take it a day at a time, and soon enough you'll look back and be happy where you've gone .

[CherylB]

Thanks, Julie.

[CherylB]

Bought some Sleepy-time tea for tonight. I'll try anything at this point!

[DebbyL]

Happy Spring to you too! We had snow again.

Sorry your order didn't arrive. Maybe tomorrow! Hope the tea helps.

How was work? Hard I expect... everything's hard when you're tired.