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Old 02-28-2012, 08:17 AM   #301
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Originally Posted by tay65 View Post
We love the new house! I'm taking my time in getting it decorated. I want to look around and put things I love to look at on my walls.
The old house is being occupied as of March 1st. We have a realtor handling it. But we are keeping a close eye on maintenance of it.
My son is "in the field" right now for 9 days of fake battles. I worry if he's cold! I'm such a mom! LOL I really hate that he is gone from home. I mean HATE it!!!! I would never tell him that though. Hes doing what he wants to do and so I have to respect that. But I can still hate it!
Chloe is so ornrey! Shes pulling herself up on us if she's sitting next to us. She stands on the couch and tries to jump! While she's leaning on the back of the couch! She's crazy She'll be 9 months on the 8th and she isn't wanting to crawl, she wants to walk!
Well, there is the update! LOL
Talk to ya tomorrow.
Great update! I'm amazed you've got the old house rented already! WTG. Sounds like your son is doing very well in his new life. I know how much you must miss having him around, though. They have to grow up sometime. (Actually, I have been watching a marathon of "Hoarders" on Netflix and just saw a family that still had their two kids living with them at home. Both of then closing in on their 40's.)

So Chloe is a bit Kamikaze, 'eh? Better get out the bubble wrap! Kids are so fearless at that age. They don't know enough about the perils of life and all they want to do is experience! I wish we could retain more of that as we grew older and wiser.

Have fun decorating those walls! And please give us updates when you have time.

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Tammy, sounds like you have a busy little one on your hands! Gets more "fun" after that!! Glad you are enjoying your new place!

Cheryl, glad to hear that you were down some lbs yesterday! And super yay that Cisco is healing well. What a great nurse she has!

Hope you have a GREAT day!!

Rejoice in the Lord always, again, I say, rejoice!!
Thanks, Stacey. I was down more today so I'm back in the saddle for sure. I'm not on any plan, just stopping the madness. I'm very glad about Sissy too, but the skeptic in me is not convinced that it is going to continue to mend without any further complications. I keep a wary eye on it and still spray it with something like "Bactine." I leave the dressing off of it so it can dry out.

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Speaking of rejoicing, we watched Soulsurfer the other day and it was quite inspiring. Great example of rejoicing and living fully as a Christian!

It even made my DH tear up a bit, and he hasn't done that since Saving Private Ryan (a movie I couldn't even watch cause of the violence).

Cheryl, hope things are feeling more joyful for you.
I don't think I ever heard of "Soul Surfer." I just went to check if it was on Netflix and it is only available on DVD. I will have to wait to see that. Sounds great, though! Another movie that is amazing (and available for streaming on Netflix) is "God of Wonders." Feast your eyes and know that He is God!

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Old 02-28-2012, 08:22 AM   #302
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I forgot to mention something that is significant. Last week when I was at the farm and brushing one of the horse's lower legs, I felt something sort of "pop" under my left rib cage. I have had tenderness there for a while but the last two days it has become more steady and constant. I'd rate it as a 3 on the 1-10 scale. I called to make an appointment with my Dr tomorrow and likely they will send me for some CAT scan or something. I hope I won't end up with a large copay. I am on Medicare and have never used it for anything like this before. We shall see. I'll keep y'all posted.
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Old 02-28-2012, 08:53 AM   #303
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I have to get a new MRI of my lumbar on Thursday. I have been having new pain in my back. Every time theres a change, another MRI. I have to call the dr about this knee of mine too. Its swollen and hurts pretty bad. I'm keeping it wrapped so its supported, but its making it tough to carry Chloe. Thank goodness I don't have to depend on Medicare! I have hubby's insurance.
I hope you don't have a big copay! I hate copays!
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Old 02-28-2012, 09:35 AM   #304
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"New pain"? Oh no! You don't need any new pain! What's wrong with your knee? Is it chronic or did something happen during the move? I hope you really look into getting a hot tub at your new place. If you have a solid surface like a cement patio in a private area, you would benefit soooo much from the hydrotherapy. The lids lock down so you wouldn't have to worry about Chloe's safety.

I hope your MRI is okay. Good Lord! We're falling apart! As far as the copay, it's perfect timing. I'll just tack it onto the bankruptcy if it's a large amount. Why not?
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Old 02-28-2012, 10:07 AM   #305
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OH Cheryl, I hope that the pain is nothing too serious. But since you have had it for this long and it isn't getting better isn't good. Will be praying for you...you can count on it!

I am going to answer your question about Africa here instead of the hcg thread.

We really wanted to do a domestic adoption because we feel like there are a lot of children here who need families, but we did a lot of praying and listening to the Spirit and God led us internationally. It is really not my choice, but we are being obedient to God. And why we chose Uganda, Africa is a few factors. I have always wanted a little brown boy! And I obviously can't make one, so God is going to give us one!! HAHA!! And we looked at many other countries including Ethiopia, the Congo, Haiti, Ghana to name a few. Some of the countries, we didn't qualify for because of how many kids we had or our age of length of marriage. So Uganda was kind of by default, but really we know that is where God has our little boy.

We will have to be there for 3-4 weeks, DH and I. The kids will stay here with my parents. After the court rules, we will have our son the whole time we are there. It is going to be an experience for sure, but we can't wait.

That may have been more than you wanted, but that is it in a nutshell. God has seriously stretched me in this process and continues to bless me and show how good He is. I hate flying (at least 20 hours on the plane) and I don't like being outside/bugs/dirt (heck, we will be in Africa, for Pete's sake), but I know by obeying Him, I am doing the right thing.
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Old 02-28-2012, 10:51 AM   #306
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My sis is still waiting for her Haitian kids. Her older one is getting close to 16, which is when they kick the kids out of the orphanage...prayers needed for them.
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:15 PM   #307
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that just kills me! throwing kids out onto the street at 16! and when they're getting adopted, just waiting on the red tape to get sorted! This country does it too! at 18 when kids are in foster care they are "cut off" and families kick them out bc checks stop. I couldn't do that! Makes me sick!
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:36 PM   #308
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that just kills me! throwing kids out onto the street at 16! and when they're getting adopted, just waiting on the red tape to get sorted! This country does it too! at 18 when kids are in foster care they are "cut off" and families kick them out bc checks stop. I couldn't do that! Makes me sick!
It's such a waste! And to think, these 2 kids have a mom, who can't afford to raise them when their dad died. Haiti is truly a wretched poverty stricken nation. These folks were in bad shape before the earthquake. All that's needed now is one signature from their president... prayers that he will sign! And strength for my sister, can't imagine how she feels.
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:52 PM   #309
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Paula, I will pray for your sister for sure. We have friends adopting from Haiti too and it is a mess. The oldest is 15 and will "grow out" of adoption soon, so they are really scrambling to get it done.

My eyes have really been opened to the orphans in country and internationally. It makes me to know that there are 147 million orphans world wide. We need to pray for all of them.
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Old 02-28-2012, 01:19 PM   #310
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OH Cheryl, I hope that the pain is nothing too serious. But since you have had it for this long and it isn't getting better isn't good. Will be praying for you...you can count on it!

I am going to answer your question about Africa here instead of the hcg thread.

We really wanted to do a domestic adoption because we feel like there are a lot of children here who need families, but we did a lot of praying and listening to the Spirit and God led us internationally. It is really not my choice, but we are being obedient to God. And why we chose Uganda, Africa is a few factors. I have always wanted a little brown boy! And I obviously can't make one, so God is going to give us one!! HAHA!! And we looked at many other countries including Ethiopia, the Congo, Haiti, Ghana to name a few. Some of the countries, we didn't qualify for because of how many kids we had or our age of length of marriage. So Uganda was kind of by default, but really we know that is where God has our little boy.

We will have to be there for 3-4 weeks, DH and I. The kids will stay here with my parents. After the court rules, we will have our son the whole time we are there. It is going to be an experience for sure, but we can't wait.

That may have been more than you wanted, but that is it in a nutshell. God has seriously stretched me in this process and continues to bless me and show how good He is. I hate flying (at least 20 hours on the plane) and I don't like being outside/bugs/dirt (heck, we will be in Africa, for Pete's sake), but I know by obeying Him, I am doing the right thing.
THANK YOU for sharing so much! I love details and I'm nosey. I have never been in a position to adopt but was not able to have any kids of my own. If I had been in a different relationship with a man at an earlier age and the desire had been mutual, I'm sure I would have considered adopting. I think it's so wonderful that people open their hearts and their homes and welcome these children with open arms. I can't imagine how it takes so long. It is simply a crying shame and just goes to show who the ruler of this world really is. COME LORD JESUS!

I have reconsidered about going to the farm today after talking to my mother. I reassured her that I wouldn't do anything too strenuous but then when I really thought about all the tasks that need doing there, other than giving them their grain and maybe spreading their flakes of hay, I couldn't do much else. Even grooming and raking and hauling water were going to be pretty much out of the question. I wish they'd hook up the dang water hoses!! How hard would it be to take them off at night to keep them from freezing up? Then we could utilize them all day and evening long.

Anyway, I hated to cop-out on them but I explained the situation and that I was going to have the Dr check me out tomorrow. I just hope it's nothing serious. I don't want to be "put out of commission" for a long time. As always, thank you ladies for your prayers! You are the best!

Stacey, that's funny what you said about always wanting "a little brown boy." My sister married a man from Portugal and though they are not all that dark, they are definitely "tan." And when their son was a young boy, some other child described him as "a little brown boy." It always stuck in my sister's heart and is a fond memory.

Three to four weeks is going to be such a long time to be there, but at least you will be with your son all that time! What is his name? How old is he? I can't imagine the excitement you must be feeling. And what a blessed little guy to be coming to live with you and your family in the USA. God is indeed good.

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My sis is still waiting for her Haitian kids. Her older one is getting close to 16, which is when they kick the kids out of the orphanage...prayers needed for them.
It's just criminal how long it is taking for those poor children to reach their new families and better (vastly better) lives. God help those who are responsible for holding them back. I wouldn't want to be in their shoes when they stand before God. Paula, I will definitely pray!

It's never in the news anymore but Haiti is just as devastated now as they were after the quake. It just no longer makes the headlines.

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It's such a waste! And to think, these 2 kids have a mom, who can't afford to raise them when their dad died. Haiti is truly a wretched poverty stricken nation. These folks were in bad shape before the earthquake. All that's needed now is one signature from their president... prayers that he will sign! And strength for my sister, can't imagine how she feels.
I will pray!

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Paula, I will pray for your sister for sure. We have friends adopting from Haiti too and it is a mess. The oldest is 15 and will "grow out" of adoption soon, so they are really scrambling to get it done.

My eyes have really been opened to the orphans in country and internationally. It makes me to know that there are 147 million orphans world wide. We need to pray for all of them.
That's unbelievable, Stacey. So many lonely people and hurting people in the world. So much suffering. I've heard of orphanages in places like Russia where the babies are just warehoused and they show the children after years of neglect, with no human interaction, no love, still in diapers, basically stuck in their cribs, just rocking back and forth. They almost lack human characteristics because they don't know what it is to BE human.

I will pray for all of them. Thank you both for bringing this matter to my attention and my heart. There are so many things we should be praying for daily. We could pray ceaselessly day and night and never cover all the needs.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:35 AM   #311
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Okay, I am glad that you are nosey because I am too! The more details, the better.

Good to hear that you took the day off yesterday. No use in chancing it getting worse. Wondering what the dr has to say to you today. Hoperfully it will just take time to heal.

And to answer another question you asked on the rogue thread...we don't know anything about the boy we are adopting. We had to fill out 5 pages of things we would desire in a child. Was a lot of health/medical/family background stuff. Kinda tough to do, but that's how it works. We know it will be a boy age 6months-4years. We wanted to keep birth order, so he could be the same age as Emmett. That would be like having twins. We hope to travel by the end of the year, but it is really all in God's hands.
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Old 02-29-2012, 01:20 PM   #312
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Wow, Stacey. Talk about having to have faith! God bless all of you and I hope you get just the perfect little boy to compliment your already existing family. I'm glad you are getting a young boy. That is a great age!

I just got back from all the craziness and fed my face. Popped my meds and now I have to get caught up here.

Well, I saw the Dr at 11:30. Sent over for an Ultrasound of my pelvis and belly region. Drank a ton of water and waited for the belly to expand. I really didn't think it was full enough at the time we did the test but it was. They did a very thorough looking all throughout my abdomen. Lastly they had me lay on my right side while they examined the area that actually has been hurting. I could feel a small "popping" in and out when she pressed the wand in a certain place directly on my side, at the lowest rib level. It was very uncomfortable and I was cringing.

I really felt there was going to be something that needed surgery or to be biopsied but anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. Waited for someone to come talk to me after they sent the test results to the Dr and heard back from her (stat US.) After a long while the lady came out and said they were still waiting to hear from the Dr. I asked if I could go and get my lab work done and she said I could and that the Dr would call me.

So, labs and urine done (lousy phlebotomist) and back out to the car to my patient pooch whom I'd brought with me, in case I needed to be sent for more tests, admitted to hospital, etc. I had no idea and was trying to be prepared. I had left the parakeets fresh water and more seeds, just in case. Between the US and the labs, I went and let Cisco out to go potty but she thought we were going for a walk. She copped a quick squat and that was that.

It started snowing at 11, when I got to the Dr's office. By the time I was headed for the US, it was really coming down. During the time in radiology it was heavy snow. And by the time I got back to the car to drive "home-ish", the windows were completely covered in heavy, wet snow and the windows in the car were so fogged-up by dog breath that I could barely see to drive. (Apparently I have rear defrost but not rear defog.)

I know this is turning out to be a long story, but it was a long day. So, I drove around 45 mph on the highway and did my best to not change lanes. When I had to, I prayed, put on my signal light and moved over very slowly. Sometimes I put the windows down and then it was clearer for a while, but one of my rear windows won't go down sometimes. Blind spot city!

Got a call from the Dr's office and they said the US was completely normal. I was not happy about that because I know dang well that something is wrong! I told her that if the US showed nothing, we needed to do another test to see what it was. Second call I got was when I was at CVS waiting for my meds to be faxed. Meanwhile the dog is in the car and the snow is blowing sideways. I'm close to home by this point but I was at the drug store for about 40 minutes. Not going into all that, for all of our sakes.

So I'm home, Sissy and I are safe and I am on some new meds. When I spoke with the Dr on the phone, she said that my organs all appeared normal but that I might have a "popped tendon" between my rib cage. Never heard of anything so preposterous but leave it to me to have it happen. That would explain the popping in and out when the US wand was pressed in that certain area and also the popping sensation that happened at the farm 9 days ago.

So I'm on Prednisone for one week, Vicodin prn for the pain and she ordered me some Cipro just in case of a UTI. I wondering if I should take the Cipro at all and just wait until they get the urine culture back. Why take it if I don't need it?

The plow finally just went by my house for the first time since it started to snow 5 hours ago! If I had known how early the storm was going to come, I think I would have cancelled everything and set it up for another day. Oh, well. It's over now! And we are staying put until it's all over.

I succumbed to chocolate while pacing the aisles at CVS. I needed chocolate after all I went through today. I'm thankful that I have "normal organs" but I am tired of having tests done all throughout my life and having nothing abnormal found when I have clear symptoms. Ya know???

The GOOD news is that the adult ed place called me this morning to tell me the guitar class would be cancelled. Good thing cause I didn't practice nearly enough. (Like, at all.)

Last edited by CherylB; 02-29-2012 at 01:28 PM..
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Old 03-01-2012, 09:52 AM   #313
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Interesting--that's pretty much what my doctor decided my rib cage pain was, too. And I still get it now and then. I think it's pretty common.

Hang in there, kiddo, and try not to worry!
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Old 03-01-2012, 01:20 PM   #314
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how are you feeling Cheryl? I've never had that happen. Hope you feel better soon!
I'm feeling bad today. I've been loading now for 3 days (I just typed YEARS!!!) and TOM just ended so I didn't have any second thoughts about starting the drops. Well he showed me! I've been laying in bed all day with horrible cramps and my back is hurting so much. Since I have back issues anyway, when TOM starts it always makes it worse. But when it starts and I'm on hHCG, its like it multiplies by 20!
Oh! My dd got her a car! Shes always had one up to about a yr ago and some girl hit her and totalled it. I tried to get her to sue the girl civilly (sp?) but she didnt. So anyways, she got a 2003 Dodge Neon with 47,000 Miles on it! Its so nice! Now I now longer have to be chauffer and drag Chloe out in the cold or rain. We are all very happy now! LOL
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Old 03-01-2012, 04:06 PM   #315
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Yea!!! I know how much you've been looking forward to this day and I'm thrilled for you!! I hope she bought a good car that will last for years and be dependable and safe. I'm sorry about dang TOM and hhcg cramps. So you think you didn't wait long enough after TOM ended to start loading? How long can those cramps continue like that once they've started? Maybe you should stop and reset.

I'm feeling MUCH better today! The prednisone kicked in and it's almost like I have no injury at all. I will still use an abdominal binder or back brace when working in the barn and with the horses, just to give me some protection and to remind myself that I am injured.

I was working at the farm office today from 12:45 until 6 pm! It was still snowing today but not as badly. Up on the hill where the farm is, it's much colder. All the trees were totally coated in ice. I hope there isn't any wind tonight or limbs will be coming down and power will be lost.

Anyway, the reason I was there so long is because it was chaos. They're having the Horse's Ball which is an annual fund raising event. I'm not going because it costs $75 and I already give so much of my time. I think it should be discounted for volunteers. Anywho, I did what I could to help because it is my last chance to help before the event Saturday night.

Tomorrow is equine care day, Saturday morning is an orientation that has something more to teach than I have experienced before so I have to go to that, then Sunday is my sis's Birthday party at a pizza place. So busy! Good thing I'm feeling so much better.

I need to find some time in there to practice the guitar and do some laundry and housework. The weather is looking pretty crappy for the near future so there will be no sunshine or dryness to be had.

Gotta go get caught up on the other threads but first I promised my Mom a phone call. See you guys later, okay? I hope you feel better, Tammy. Jessica, thanks for stopping by. I'm heading over to your journal to see what's new with you.

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Old 03-02-2012, 08:33 AM   #316
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Hey Cheryl! The cramps have subsided a good deal today. They were awful, but Midol does help some. I thought since TOM was practically done I wouldn't get such bad cramps. I got fooled! Today is vlcd1, here it goes! I will not be cheating, even though I am rogue. I'm going to stay away from rice krispies this round. I'm going to eat more chicken this round. And also eat more ground beef. I want to get about 15 lbs off in 30 days.
I dont know how you go to the farm in the winter! I would've waited until summer! haha You're very brave. I hope that "rib" pain leaves you soon.
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Old 03-02-2012, 10:11 AM   #317
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Sounds like a good plan, Tammy! I always suspected those Rice Krispies of slowing you down. It will be interesting to see how things progress for you without them. You sound very determined and I'm happy to hear that in your "voice." I'm sure that having less weight on your frame will help you with your over-all pain level. I know I feel "tons" better when I'm in the 160's. I can only imagine how good I'll feel in each decade below that.

I didn't want to wait for Spring because I know myself all too well. I get jazzed about stuff but if I don't seize the moment, the desire fades and I'm onto something else. I think it's part of my disorder. So that's why I dove right in. I didn't want to take a chance of never following through with it. I'm so glad that I did, too! Better to learn before they actually get rolling with the therapy lessons. By the time things are actually happening, I'll know much more about what I'm doing and what is expected of me.

I'm about to join you on another round! I think I will load this weekend and begin VLCD1 on Monday. I have my sister's birthday party on Sunday so I might start loading after the orientation meeting on Saturday afternoon. That will be plenty and then Monday I can resume the sort of rogue round I was doing before my anxiety went through the roof due to life stressors. It was working well for me and I was content. I want to get back on the losing side of things.

When I think of where my weight could be as I look at the calendar, it just makes me so happy inside. When I imagine how I will feel and look wearing warm-weather clothes and doing things with the horses (eventually riding them,) I know that losing the rest of the weight is my only option and it makes me want to get on with the show. So that's what I'm going to do.

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Old 03-02-2012, 07:08 PM   #318
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Good farm day! Wet and cold and muddy but very good. I wore a back brace and had to adjust it so it was up over my lower ribs and it felt weird but otherwise it wasn't going to do me any good at all. It started out dry then lightly flurried, then it got heavier and wetter and before we knew it, the horses were getting soaked as we were trying to groom them. We had to hurry and get them under cover or throw their blankets on them.

I groomed 3 horses and filled all the waters. I know; take it easy, Cheryl! And I cleaned one of the paddocks. There was a new teenage girl orienting tonight and she's going to be working every Friday. We share the same last name which is very cool. So because the regular girl had to orient the other girl, she ended up doing much of the paddock-cleaning herself.

After the equine care, I stopped and did some shopping and errand-running. Now it's just after 10 pm and the snow has changed over to sleet. I hear it pelting all over the house and I feel so badly for the lady who has to do the final rounds with the horses tonight. It's going to be a miserable time.

Tomorrow I return to the farm for noon for a 3 hour orientation. If the snow/rain is passed by then, we will be learning some things to do with the actual therapy riding lessons, which will be very, very cool.

Good night! Oh! And with the Prednisone, I feel like I'm completely healed. I'm nervous of how I'll feel tomorrow after all I did today, and how I might feel when the Prednisone treatment is over (only an 8-day therapy) but I hope that by then I won't need it anymore. I don't need the pain medication they gave to me. I feel GREAT!

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Old 03-02-2012, 08:37 PM   #319
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Its good to hear how well you feel. Thats fantastic! I'm happy you are joining me for another go of the HCG. I didn't start today. I didnt feel I loaded enough on fats. So hubby got some pepperoni and I've been eating that. So Tomorrow will be day 1. I have to start tomorrow to stabalize before April 18th.
You got sno/sleet and we got a bad thunderstorm in Pittsburgh. Alot of lightning and thunder. The rain just poured and I had to go to Walmart! I hate driving at night in the rain. I just can't see! My dd let me take her car. It drives so smooth.
Bought my son some things he asked me to send him. So I'll get to the post office in the morning to get that sent. He needed shaving cream, a good toothbrush (I added some toothpaste, the new Optic White), baby wipes and deodorant. They use baby wipes out in "the field". I sent him antipersperant/deodorant and he can't have it. It just has to be deodorant. I guess the other has alcohol in it or something. Idk! LOL
well, Cheryl, good night & will ttyt!
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Old 03-03-2012, 10:25 AM   #320
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I hate driving at night, even in good weather. I get so blinded by the headlights of on-coming cars. Sometimes I'm sure they are on their "brights" and I flash my lights at them and once in a while they flash back and show me that their brights weren't on. I have to adjust my side mirrors to be pointed up or out, so they don't shine the headlights from cars behind me directly into my eyes. I avoid driving at night if I can help it.

I feel like a complete moron but I woke up before the dawn and when I fell back to sleep a few hours later, apparently I didn't have any alarms set to wake me for the orientation. I woke up and looked at the clock and it was 12:40. I was already almost an hour late and I was still in bed. I should still drag my butt in there for what's left but I feel so embarrassed for being so late. I'm going to miss the entire thing and hope to God that it wasn't anything new. If I was an employee, I'd be getting "written up." I'm not building much trust right now. I could totally knock myself out if I could kick high enough. I totally can't believe this happened. I don't know how I'm going to get myself out of this one. Anything I say is going to sound like a lame excuse.

Anyway, your son must really look forward to your packages and letters, Tammy! Don't they have access to the commissary yet? I remember marching in formation down to buy the "staples" after a while during basic training. I guess you said they are in the field so maybe they don't have access to the store.

So this is your first VLCD? I'm not starting mine until Monday. I hope this round is stellar for you!!! I hope you make it all the way to goal.

I feel so badly about missing this orientation right now that I don't have much else to say. I'll be back later.
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Old 03-03-2012, 12:51 PM   #321
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Man, sorry about the orientation. But surely they see you've been having a difficult time physically for the last week--just blame it on that.

Hope you can still make it a nice weekend, and try not to obsess about it. It's water under the bridge now--can't be changed, no point in thinking about it any more.
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Old 03-03-2012, 01:16 PM   #322
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Good idea! I'll do that. Thanks, Jessica.
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Old 03-03-2012, 02:56 PM   #323
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Poppin' in from the beach to say

You have been one busy little lady! I have read up on everything and am caught up so far.

Glad that the meds are working and that you are feeling better. And I wouldn't worry about today either. You are human and truly was a crazy accident that you missed it. Life happens! I have done that too. All you can do it move forward!

I hope you enjoy your sis's bday tomorrow. Eat some pizza for me, would ya? I haven't had a slice in well over a year. I really miss the real deal.

We are having a great time here at the beach. Walked on the beach yesterday morning and this morning as well. It has been raining most of today and will tomorrow. I think we are going to go to the aquarium tomorrow and then just hang out and pack up. My DH rocks!

I'll try to catch back up tomorrow, but by Monday for sure! Have a great night, friend!
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Old 03-03-2012, 05:18 PM   #324
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Oh, Stacey. How dear of you to post on your special weekend away! Don't worry about me. Just have yourself an AWESOME time with your rockin' DH and make the most of the time you have together, rain or shine. Happy Anniversary! God bless you and your growing family, to always be safe and strong. AMEN!
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Old 03-05-2012, 03:11 AM   #325
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Old 03-05-2012, 08:30 AM   #326
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Hey, Jackie! Nice new Siggy! Looks like you're doing very well and that makes me

Today is VLCD1 for me. Going rogue as always but first thing I'm having is coffee. That's a must!

My new focus is not just dropping pounds and inches (and shrinking into a tinier person) but get healthy. I don't have time to be messing around with things like popped ligaments and pulled muscles. I am going to use the therapeutic riding center as my one and only focus and do what I need to do in order to be my best when I'm there.

So, that's that, I suppose. It will take about a week for me to see a number on the scale that will make me feel I'm making progress. But I'm looking forward to that "flat, empty feeling" in my abdominal area. It's anything but "flat and empty" now.

(Anybody else having problems using their spell checker in their Google toolbar? Mine hasn't been working for two days.)
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Old 03-05-2012, 09:21 AM   #327
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Go Cheryl!

I put on a couple of pounds over the weekend--ate out, so probably salt. But I am also going to really focus on achieving that wonderful flat-belling feeling this week! I bought myself a new dress yesterday--an Easter dress (yeah, I still feel like I need a new dress for Easter, but hey, at least I'm not going for lace anklets and little white gloves any more!) It was a real score--$29.99 from Steinmart, and a size 8 was a perfect fit! If that doesn't motivate me to eat right, I don't know what will...
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Old 03-05-2012, 10:03 AM   #328
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Yippee for new dresses! When is Easter? April? I don't even remember. Not being a church-goer or really celebrating holidays the way many people do, I have lost touch. I celebrate some on certain levels but since I don't color eggs or buy chocolate bunnies, Easter is just another day. And as far as being thankful for the Lord, I try to do that on a daily basis. I fall short but it's my intention.

I hope and expect to be feeling 100% better about myself come this time next week. I'm very, very low right now. I need to do whatever I can to crawl back up out of this despair. Maybe I need to go back to a therapist. Maybe I need my medications changed. I just HATE talking about things. Talking is not what I need. What I need is to be on the right chemical combination for my imbalance.

But even more than that, I need to live a life that causes me to feel good and positive about who I am. It's the failures I make that cause me to feel shame and that's what causes me to feel as low as I'm feeling lately.

Bottom line? I have to stop drinking. Again. And I have to finally accept that there is no place in my life for alcohol and that it doesn't enhance my life at all. It's just a matter of pride that I can't use something with some measure of control. That I can't exercise moderation and be a "normal person."

I hear scriptures in my head that with Christ, we are powerless over nothing. So I find it impossible to admit powerlessness over something like booze. I know that I can do it! I know that I can limit it if I stay focused. But the fact that alcohol causes you to lose focus and control and makes you become less rational is the viscious cycle. How can you control something that does that to you when you are under the influence of it?

How can I just admit that I'm better off without the buzz? That I'm better off just not touching the stuff anymore? It's so hard because alcohol is socially acceptable and often encouraged in certain settings. For people who never got into drinking, they don't give it a second thought. They just order their iced tea or soda and that's all they care about. While I feel a sense of loss and shame in the need to abstain. Seems I can't win.

I feel this badly when things hit rock bottom, but after a few solid months of sobriety I believe that I can control it and just limit it to certain occasions or what-have-you. And round and round I go.

I'm only sharing all this here because confession truly is good for the soul. It's when I "come clean" that things lift off of me and healing can begin. I already feel somewhat lighter from laying down this burdon here, with you.

I don't do meetings so AA is not something I will ever attempt. I don't care what the meetings are. OA is something people get some benefit but for me it is like stepping into a pot of boiling oil. I ain't going there.

So this is why I feel so terrible lately. I drank the last of the wine I had yesterday on my final loading day for the round. That's it. Maybe not forever but for a very long time. I hope it's forever. May God give me the understanding that I have nothing to lose by growing up and leaving behind things that are harmful to me and that cause me to stumble, time and time again. Liberation, not deprivation. Amen.
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Old 03-05-2012, 10:42 AM   #329
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Sending hugs to you today Cheryl!
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Old 03-05-2012, 10:50 AM   #330
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Also sending you hugs Cheryl... you are a strong woman, I have faith in you that you can do whatever you set your mind to!! Just sometimes we change our minds (hehe) but we usually change it back again!! Good luck on the new round!!
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